Wonkette
Look, Ron Paul, YOU WIN, FINE, YOU AND YOUR SUPPORTERS ARE GREAT, now will you please go away for a long time and play with your gold bricks, alone? Of course he won’t, which is why he’s making yet another “special announcement” tomorrow about some useless new thing he’s cookin’ up. He’s almost as bad of an attention whore as Ralph Nader, who Paul has invited to tomorrow’s press conference. Cynthia McKinney too! Bob Barr too! Chuck Baldwin (the Constitutional Party candidate) too! What a depressing quintet of failure.
Here’s the important chunk from Ron Paul’s press release:
ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA – Congressman Ron Paul will hold a press conference in the Ball Room at the National Press Club on Wednesday, September 10th at 10:00 am. Dr. Paul will announce his intentions for the fall presidential election and will be accompanied by several special guests.
This is at least the 768th time Ron Paul has held a press conference to “announce his intentions for the fall presidential election.” This month. The Wall Street Journal has more:
With a range of third-party candidates at his side – including the Libertarian Party’s Bob Barr, independent candidate Ralph Nader, the Constitution Party’s Chuck Baldwin and the Green Party’s Cynthia McKinney – it’s unlikely that Paul will pick just one to support. But his spokesman said to expect “something of an endorsement,” with “a real effect on this fall’s election.”
That “at his side” is a little vague, but we sure hope it’s meant literally and that those are the actual “special guests” slated to appear. Because then the possibilities are endless! Here are two possible scenarios.
- Paul arranges an impromptu tournament for his endorsement. In the first semifinal, he makes Barr give Nader a mustache ride. If Barr gets Nader to climax in less than three minutes, he advances, otherwise Nader advances. In the second semifinal, Cynthia McKinney incessantly shouts insults at Chuck Baldwin about his dead relatives. If he cries in less than three minutes, McKinney advances, otherwise Baldwin advances. The rules for the final are much simpler: Ron Paul grabs the nearest American flag, snaps the rod in half over his knee, and lets the two finalists fight to the death with the splintered halves. The winner gets Ron Paul’s worthless endorsement. There’s also a consolation third-prize match, like a hot dog eating contest or whatever. The winner of that match will get a swift kick in face from Ron Paul.
- Ron Paul welcomes his loser guests and then endorses Barack Obama. He laughs. Barry comes out and drains some 3’s and throws tee shirts into the crowd. Nader finally dies.
Cagematch. Cynthia McKinney will come out on top. That bitch is mean.
he wants MkKain to kow to HIS followers
now that MkKain has sucked the toes of the Evangies
he must dismantle the Dept of Education, just like Ron wants
Oh, and please don’t tell us Liz is a white supremacist! Really, who else gets pictures with RP?
That first scenario seems a lot more fun than the actual election.
kellygrrrl: OK, you’re kind of almost as retarded as the Paultards. That “Mkkain” schtick is fucking stupid. You’re welcome.
I like that the press release refers to the “Ball Room” of the National Press Club. Probably something like the ball room at Ikea, where you leave your kids to play while you buy more melamine-coated particle-board crap.
I will die and go to heaven if Paul helps Barry win Montana by siphoning off the I-fuck-my-rifle-every-night-before-I-go-to-bed types who have no idea who Chuck Baldwin and Bob Barr are and would have ended up voting for McCain…
Wat?! No Vermin Supreme?
Hey, Libertarians. Now that it looks like John McCain is definitely going to win by a wide margin and keep your taxes low and Sarah Palin will be issuing guns by mail to everyone in America, it’s OK to go ahead and vote for Ron Paul just like you always wanted to. Tell a friend.
This is the first time I can say:
“rEVOlution” without meaning it in a snarky, Paultard-bashing way. Go Ron Go! Take away those votes!
madness
HAHAHAHA!
So Ron Paul is a problem?
He suddenly realized that he’s conducting a vanity campaign that just siphons voters from candidates who may actually win, so he’s dropping out to endorse Nader.
Maybe he’s going to announce he impregnated Cynthia McKinney. My take is that he probably managed to get on the ballot in AK & he’s challenging Mother Sarah to a polar bear wrasslin’ contest.
Clearly they are forming a super-villain (hero?) team called The Spoilers.
And so, the Justice League was founded, and McCain’s victory over Paul became a shallow one…
At least his wife isn’t pregnant and his brother hasn’t tasered anyone
that we know of.
There is a schism between McCain’t and much of the GOP — Palin is but a Band-Aid on it. The fundies know that the VP has no power, except for a puppeteer like Cheney (which Palin ain’t). When will the Obama/Biden ticket wake up and exploit it? Instead of “just like Bush,” which only works on Democrats and some Indies, why not “McCain isn’t a Democrat, isn’t an independent, he isn’t even a Republican — just what IS he?” Obama shouldn’t say McCain is just like Bush; he’s WORSE than Bush, in that his own party can’t even trust him. That’s where McCain needs to be attacked; it will throw him on the defensive trying to keep fences mended inside the GOP. Down deep, they don’t trust the guy, and with many good reasons. He’s pure expediency.
heh… that raised my spirits a bit… I’d love to see him announce he’s supporting Barry and they both laugh in the loser’s faces… Not so much interested in seeing a Nader / Barr mustache ride, though.
My prediction: they’re going to whine about not being included in the debates, and announce a series of debates amongst themselves, which will be broadcast on the WB. What do I win?
He’s going to make Sarah Paulin (Gee? Did I spell that right ?) his veep, too.
kellygrrrl: I know I haven’t commented in a while, but, what the fuck?
Don’t make Cynthia come slap you. She just gives the people what they want. More Cynthia!
Why don’t we just crown her Empress Eugenie now
and avoid that whole inaugural thing later?
lawrenceofthedesert: So Obama wins by proving how much of a Maverick McCain is?
JeffGoldblum:
Thanks for using the f word.
If I used it, I’d be thrown off this thing so fast.
Signed,
Weeping in Seattle
I think this calls for the phrase “Third-partytards”.
It’s like they are joining for forces like the Justice League of American, but instead of “America” it’s “Failure”.
For God’s sake, can’t you guys just give Liz an account so she can post this shit herself?
JeffGoldblum: wtf re what? the Dept of Education?
it’s so obvious what he’s gonna do! why don’t you wonketteers see it? paris hilton runs with him as a write in! party on!
He’s going to introduce all the “other” candidates and tell his supporters to vote for them. Great plan. That will have ‘em shaking in their boots. The Montana action however is great. The Repubs will *pay* for their disrespect.
kellygrrrl: I think he’s upset that you missed a ‘k’ in Walnuts name? (JeffGoldblum & NotLaughing are not feeling your humor.)
Someone please tell me that the Paultard crazies steal votes from the GOP crazies and not the Dems. Because if we have another “Nader took my election” incident I’m going to start drinking/crying and never stop.
Liz G. still owns my heart.
NotLaughing: Yes nobody on Wonkette EVER uses potty language. Fuckity fuck fuck what the cock is the cunting matter with a shit-sticking curse word now and again?JeffGoldblum: Today up is down and down is retarded.
KevoTron: In the spirit of being PC… Down is Trig Palin.
KevoTron: Sounds like someone watches The Wir
Texan Bulldoggette: I remember the last time I saw Dems get all pissy with eachother. One rough week, and we start eating our own. Apparently PeteJayHawk’s Tardometer is a little jumpy
Doesn’t everyone have a white woman on the side?
kellygrrrl: Something tells me NotLaughing, JeffGoldblum & PeteJayHawk are not Dems. But this is Wonkette, and that’s what most of us come here for. (On the other hand, I’m sure the Secret Service are monitoring all of our IP addresses as we speak.)
They’re going to play a World of Warcraft marathon in Nader’s basement
Texan Bulldoggette: True! a couple of my friends on Huff have actually gotten visits from FBI re “threat” to King Dick
No Alan Keyes? Epic fail.
I thought caribou barbie fired all them librarians.
I’m glad he’s fading,I could never vote for an honest politician.what would we do without our CFR sponsored pets, Barrack “the Messiah” Obama and John “Mr.Magoo” McCain.
kellygrrrl: Well, I don’t know how egregious your friends’ comments were, but I don’t believe in violence. Snark, sarcasm, biting wit, bad humor–all for that. But not any thing more.
mrblue19: Someone posted this on ronpaulforums, right?
Texan Bulldoggette: they weren’t even threats — it was false calls to the FBI - and once these friends, one in particular, had 4 visits and hours of freaks in bad suits going through their computers and homes, were suddenly just dropped like it never happened.
Oddly, there are actually two lawsuits now pending - one Federal, one Civil.
mrblue19: Who is this “Barrack” fellow? He sounds pretty great.
In all seriousness, I hope Ron Paul throws his money around a lot this election. Whatever he chooses to do, I have a feeling it’ll be a helluva lot more effective for us than Obiden’s campaigning has ben in the past week. Seriously, what the fuck have they been doing? I wouldn’t mind Biden being caught on tape calling Palin a cunt, because at least a dem would be on the front page for a change.
Am I seeing comments about the government monitoring our posts? Nonsensical on-purpose-for-hilarity spelling and grammatical errors? Democrat/Republican talk like this is a fucking high school football game? What kind of silly nonsense is going on over here?
Not to mention I only recognize 1 out of every 20 or so names commenting. I need a nap.
Voyou Charmant:
oops, I get it,typo, it’s Barack.you know, the mystical smooth talking-hustler community organizer.
or would you like to tell you about John “the maverick” 894th out 899 in Annapolis,6 time plane crasher,marries a 17 year old when he was 35,20 day war hero, Keateing 5 McCain?
mrblue19: What does CFR stand for and what exactly does it have to do with the New World Order?
Can I just say how much I love the fact that, whenever Liz Glover appears in a photograph with some ‘famous’ politician, she’s always staring right at the camera with the biggest grin on her face? “Look look! It’s me and Ron Paul!” “Look look! It’s me and Mitt Romney!!”
Hooray for Liz!
JeffGoldblum: the CFR? you should know what it means, what it does and stands for already.
the new world order?
1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.
3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.
4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight.
5th RULE: One fight at a time.
6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.
7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.
JeffGoldblum: oh, sorry! I’m not your “neighbor” — don’t want to make anyone UnComfy!!!!
mrblue19: Oh god who the fuck are you? bye.
Finally, a cabal… I mean a party for the least electable people in the country. I hope they talk about how screwed up our electoral system is because no one will vote for them. Then when they finally change the horrible status quo and we have a Paul/Nader ticket running, I’m gonna give a press conference on how the electoral system is so unfair to me because I sit on my sofa, watch TV and eat Cheetos, just like 90% of Americans, but cannot get elected.
mrblue19: Sure.
CFR is a TLA meaning:
Cost and Freight, word used in international commerce
CFR Cluj, Romanian football club.
Case fatality rate, epidemiological term for death rate of a disease
Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, a Catholic Religious Community
Căile Ferate Române, the Romanian state railway
Canadian Finals Rodeo
College of Forest Resources
Certified first responder
Cullen Frost Bankers
Commander of the Order of the Federal Republic, Nigerian National Honour
Center for Forest Research, Canadian research center
Culdee Fell Railway, fictional railway in W.V. Awdry’s Railway Series
New World Order was an old eighties band. Kinda cheezy, but you could dance to it.
snig: wrong,the New World Order is one of the most evil secret socie……………..
…………………….end-of-transmission 0×04
insert x-files theme here.
mrblue19: sorry, i can’t consider your opinion until i hear from the other 18 mrblues.
Its just hard to believe that those who want Peace..who want to truly stop the government playing big brother…who want the Constitution in tact…could be upset by Ron Paul, and what those of us who believe in him are trying to do. I just can not understand it.
Do you not see whats going on? Did you miss the papers where the media did everything..and still is..to try and stop the message of FREEDOM from getting out? Do you not see how they are hiding the true sins of the others?
Neither Obamanation or McShame are for change..they want more of the same. Neither are Americans. Obanation is a citizen of Indonisa (excuse spelling) and McShame was born outside the USA district of Panama.
Check out Vets Against McCain sometime..and ask Obama..how does he plan to pay for these programs? Printing more money will make what we have 100% worthless.
You need to dig..you must ask questions..do not follow blindly.
WAKE UP AMERICA AND DO SOMETHING
Gopherit v2.0: Stoners…… (we called them Freaks in HS)
The Lucky Republican: Not if I can help it.
Zhu Bajie
Article of the fuckin’ year!
*dies laughing at those possible scenarios*
When the hell did Nader and McKinney get added to this? This wasn’t in my secret daily Paul news drop at the park. Barring the mustache ride (no pun intended), the battle royale scenario would only make this election weirder.
Unfortunately, Ron Paul will not run as a third party candidate. (He would be way more fun than Nader.)
Paul just wants to provide more feel good events to please the followers who sent him all that money.
lawrenceofthedesert:
I thought you said McSame was out mending his feces. That made a lot of sense to me. But no.
Palin is a bubble. There’s a paper trail, starting here:
http://www.frontiersman.com/articles/2008/09/06/breaking_news/doc48c1c8a60d6d9379155484.txt
Love, a chicken sandwich, the gold standard, and a belly rub.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/