Ha Ha, Those Loser Americans Are Getting Nuked Soon... Oh, Wait

Hey everyone, it's September 9 today, meaning that in only two days it'll be... what will it be?... uh oh, WE FORGOT. HA HA HA, boy howdy. But yes: in two days it will be the seven (7) year anniversary of the day Rudy Giuliani couldn't protect his own city from being attacked by commercial airplanes. And so for the next few days the Main Stream Media will "celebrate" with a slew of op-eds that sound like they were written in October, 2001. In today's New York Times , for example, the Atlantic 's Jeffrey Goldberg has written the most terrifying, apocalyptic piece so far this season: that we have a 50% chance of getting nuked by terrorists in the next 10 years, according to Experts.

Good lord, these opening two paragraphs are making us want to randomly invade Iraq all over again:

THE next president must do one thing, and one thing only, if he is to be judged a success: He must prevent Al Qaeda, or a Qaeda imitator, from gaining control of a nuclear device and detonating it in America. Everything else — Fannie Mae, health care reform, energy independence, the budget shortfall in Wasilla, Alaska — is commentary. The nuclear destruction of Lower Manhattan, or downtown Washington, would cause the deaths of thousands, or hundreds of thousands; a catastrophic depression; the reversal of globalization; a permanent climate of fear in the West; and the comprehensive repudiation of America’s culture of civil liberties.

Many proliferation experts I have spoken to judge the chance of such a detonation to be as high as 50 percent in the next 10 years. I am an optimist, so I put the chance at 10 percent to 20 percent. Only technical complications prevent Al Qaeda from executing a nuclear attack today. The hard part is acquiring fissile material; an easier part is the smuggling itself (as the saying goes, one way to bring nuclear weapon components into America would be to hide them inside shipments of cocaine).

An "optimist," eh, GOLDBERG? Does he know nothing! After Nine Eleven, being a dandy "optimist" is mere code for "If I, Jeffrey Goldberg, were playing a game of soccer, or football as the Muslims call it, against the Terrorists, I would be so distracted with my thoughts of pretty rainbows and unicorns that I'd show up late for the kickoff and be forced to forfeit, which literally means that the Terrorists would win."

More importantly: why is this, the nuking of a city, such a litmus test for a president's success? Depends on the would-be nuked city. Hell, for the next ten seconds, just from the top of our heads, we're gonna rattle off some American cities that everyone would love to see nuked: Detroit, Cleveland, Baltimore, Houston, Tampa Bay, Orlando, really anywhere in Florida, Richmond, Phoenix, Reno, fucking WASHINGTON D.C.... out of time. Albany.

So we should just hedge and tell the terrorists they're free to nuke any of these cities; we'll even give them that fissile shit and twine and duct tape and whatever the hell they need.

 On Nov. 4, Remember 9/11 [NYT]