Wonkette
According to many billions of emails received today at Wonkette Headquarters, intrepid Internet sleuths from “a former New York Times reporter” to “my librarian mum” have discovered the True List of books that wingnut creationist anger-bear Sarah Palin tried to ban when she was mayor of a strip mall in rural Alaska. Well, we have sleuths of our own, and they are called Legion but also all called “Google,” and you libtards have been had, again.
For the record, etc., here is the list circulating as Sarah Palin’s Banned Book Club, and here is how we found out it’s just a generic list of books that have been banned by various wingnuts over the years: We just googled the first half-dozen titles, in order, and sure enough this list is easily found all over the Interwebs, pasted into all kinds of anti-censorship websites.
Also, does anybody actually believe Sarah Palin has even heard of these books, except maybe for Cujo?
AND YET … it’s entirely possible that Sarah Palin got an e-mail forward of this banned books list, from one of her creationist snowmobile friends with an AOL account, and bravely decided to cleanse the Wasilla library of these devilish titles.
Books Banned at One Time or Another in the United States
How many have you read?
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Blubber by Judy Blume
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Christine by Stephen King
Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Cujo by Stephen King
Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Decameron by Boccaccio
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Fallen Angels by Walter Myers
Fanny Hill (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland
Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Grendel by John Champlin Gardner
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
Have to Go by Robert Munsch
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Impressions edited by Jack Booth
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
It’s Okay if You Don’t Love Me by Norma Klein
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Love is One of the Choices by Norma Klein
Lysistrata by Aristophanes
More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
My House by Nikki Giovanni
My Friend Flicka by Mary O’Hara
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
One Day in The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women’s Health Collective
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz
Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
Separate Peace by John Knowles
Silas Marner by George Eliot
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
The Bastard by John Jakes
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Devil’s Alternative by Frederick Forsyth
The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder
The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks
The Living Bible by William C. Bower
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare
The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
The Seduction of Peter S. by Lawrence Sanders
The Shining by Stephen King
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder
Then Again, Maybe I Won’t by Judy Blume
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff
Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween Symbols by Edna Barth
Oh that Aristophanes! Lysistrata is hot, hot, hawtt! And One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch. Commie propoganda!
Wow, I thought I was the only one who read Annie On My Mind. That was a good book, and I will force my kids to read it so that they all grow up to be lesbians and I don’t have to worry about them getting knocked up.
Mama bear will ban the constitution if she thinks it would be good for us!
I seriously doubt any public, non-university library in Alaska has even half of those books.
boy, is my face red.
Stupid libral morans! Most of these “books” are actually MOVIES! SUCK IT!
All yup-yup wanted to do was organize a harry potter book burning. Stop the persecution, haters.
But that picture of her in the bikini is still real, right? Not that it matters, because its effect on me has been real enough.
They forgot one:
“Trig Has Two Mommies”
well, it may be a big lie, but ‘twelfth night’ should certainly be on somebody’s list.
“Palin described her inquiries as ‘rhetorical’ and told the paper, in a written statement issued in 1996, that ’she was only trying to get acquainted with her staff at the time.’”
Rhetorical, huh? The more I see quotes from her, the more I wonder whether she could beat Dubya in a vocabulary contest.
Ms. Palin? That word you’re using? I don’t think it means what you think it means.
I can’t believe anyone would ban As I Lay Dying. What the hell would Sarah Palin have against a book that makes fun of a crazy old coot without teeth who travels across the country followed by vultures to hook up with a hot young thing? Oh — nevermind.
From this, I assume the library has a copy of The Buttress of Windsor.
surfacenoise76: I seriously doubt even half of Alaska is literate.
I don’t get it. Why in the world in these last days before the election and since the Odious Beaver has been nominated no oneis talking about John Fucking McCain. Why the fuck do we care what the illiterati of Bum Fuck Alaska reads or does not read. Who the hell cares?
Where’s Obama? Where’s the attacks on McCain? Where’s Biden besides flashing his over white teeth? Why isn’t he just pushing the hell out of all this? I don’t get it.
Oh, maybe they’re all just playing the Lah-dee-dah game of “gotcha”. Jesus. Didn’t John Kerry show that’s not what gets Americans, including the liberals, all fucking hyped up?
Take the Odious Beaver out of the picture and start throwing some goddamned political punches.
These are all English AP books! Palin wants to dumb down our kids! Next thing you know they might start using condoms …
“Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff”
Holy shit gawd kill us all if she gets into office. Please just get it over with.
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Seriously?
Gopherit v2.0:
The more I see quotes from her, the more I wonder whether she could beat Dubya in a vocabulary contest.
Well, obviously, since Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary is on the list.
I thought Palin just asked the librarian how she (the librarian) would feel about censoring certain books, and never got to the specifics.
Anyway, it’s elitist to know facts and stuff, because people from the small towns of the Alaskan heartlands don’t got time for your fancy facts and sh*t.
shortsshortsshorts: Well, the world is supposed to be ending in 2012.
What I’m confused about is, why would Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales be banned? Of the other books in that list I’m aware of, I could understand, but not Chaucer. It’s in Olde Englishe, isn’t it? No kid’s going to pick it up and become corrupted, unless they’ve got a BA in English, and in that case, it’s too late.
She tried to ban Bridge to Terabithia??!?!??!!!
ITS ON NOW, BITCH!
Ah yes, noted subversive Stephen King. He must be silenced…
columnv: The Wife of Bath was kind of a ho?
Which seems to indicate Sarah and her Wasilla biddies are a-okay w/ the collected work of Charles Bukowski.
Okay, guys, what you’re forgetting about in Chaucer is The Wife of Bath. Courtesy of SparkNotes:
The Wife of Bath - Bath is an English town on the Avon River, not the name of this woman’s husband. Though she is a seamstress by occupation, she seems to be a professional wife. She has been married five times and had many other affairs in her youth, making her well practiced in the art of love. She presents herself as someone who loves marriage and sex, but, from what we see of her, she also takes pleasure in rich attire, talking, and arguing. She is deaf in one ear and has a gap between her front teeth, which was considered attractive in Chaucer’s time. She has traveled on pilgrimages to Jerusalem three times and elsewhere in Europe as well.
Note: I don’t actually think the Wife of Bath was a ho but honestly, that’s all I could think of that someone might wish to ban it for?
I had counted 30 banned books I’ve read so far, but I had only reached the “L’s” by then.
I may vomit.
SayItWithWookies: I’m a little puzzled by “A Day No Pigs Would Die”. Other than the fact that it turns a bunch of kids vegan every year.
columnv: My guess is that some of these books were banned because they were too tough to understand. Although Wikipedia says that Canterbury Tales included references to the occult. I can’t recall any of that, as I slept through it.
Add this to the list of debunked accusations against Sarah Palin…
Dare we wonder why the obscure mayor of “a strip mall” would be subject to such (she is not the mother of her infant, she cut “special needs” funding by 62%, ect.) hysterical attacks by the Team Obama?
Oh, we remember now, it is the 10% advantage that that left-for-dead RNC McCain fellow (Walnuts to you) now has in the polls, because Barry has been running so long he has turned grey like Rip Van Winkle, and Palin is the new penom.
AnnieGetYourFun: The occult? Apparently I slept through Chaucer, also.
Oh, and to answer the original question posed: 42. I have read 42 of those books.
I see The Handmaiden’s Tale is on the list. Wouldn’t want people knowing what the the sekret fundie masterplan!
soymocha: and who isn’t?
iwillsavethispatient: They’re bawdy and poke fun at the Holy Boogeyman’s Earthly Servants–NOT COOL!!!
Dagnabbit, you liberal bloggers have made Walnuts mad enough to issue a LENGTHY statement on this:
http://thepage.time.com/mccain-memo-on-palin-and-library-books/
“Over the last two weeks, a vicious smear has spread across liberal outlets and blogs into the mainstream media that as the Mayor of Wasilla, Governor Palin banned several books from the Wasilla City Library. This smear is categorically false and has no basis in fact. It is an urban myth — nothing more. Then-Mayor Palin never asked anyone to ban a book and not one book was ever banned, period.”
But there was this gem:
“Upon taking office, Mayor Palin did ask for several department heads to resign — including the librarian. This was in no way related to Mayor Palin’s rhetorical questions because the librarian ultimately retained her position. The resignations requests were nothing more than Mayor Palin taking over as the city’s chief executive and seeking to have department heads in place who supported her agenda in Wasilla.”
WTF??? Everyone in the whole town had to support her agenda? Did they have to take a loyalty oath? Even the dry cleaner & the cashier at Zippy Moose’s In ‘n Out convenience store/Pizza Hut?? Scary times…
PS–If Palin did not ban “The Soft Machine” by Burroughs, how conservative could she be…..
“Of Mice and Men?”
Bitch
AnnieGetYourFun: “A Day No Pigs Would Die”: The pork lobby, so powerful.
Also, how many Wasillans actually read any of these books? Sorry to be judgmental but the good folks of Wasilla seem to be the ‘go to the movie’ instead of ‘read the book’ types. When some people say the ‘book was much better than the movie’, I’m sure they raise their eyebrows in confusion because they’ve never thought about reading the books.
It’s because of the Miller’s Tale. Of course, you’ve got to read the roilicking, bawdy story in Middle English. Yoicks!
Also, 40.
What about Ben Franklin’s autobiog? He was always knocking up some “naughty girl.” Some younger than Bristol. Oh, nice double standard, Sarah.
http://www.mondosapore.com
Helen Lovejoy voice “won’t someone PLEASE think of the children??”
she also seems to be a big fan of banning her emails
per SOP of ReThugs
Sheesh. Little Red Riding Hood.
I guess the only place for fairy tales is in her campaign speeches.
Texan Bulldoggette: So, Caribou Barbie and her consort Todd basically demanded the right of primae noctis with all the locals in Wasilla under penalty of banishment? That would explain the complicated genetic web of the Mat-Su valley.
AnnieGetYourFun: I haven’t read that — but I did look at the Amazon.com page and one of the reader/reviewers mentioned a pig rape scene. Really? Having seen pigs on a farm before, I’d have to agree with Samuel L. Jackson — that would have to be one charming motherfuckin’ pig.
And the number of these I’ve read is way low, mostly because I’ve never finished an entire Stephen King or Judy Blume book, which is about half the titles. But Huck Finn is in there twice, so that helps me out a bit.
Cujo SHOULD be banned. I don’t want the local tennis pro getting any ideas about busting a nut on MY sheets. *shivers*
I’ve only read 28. Will I have to turn in my elitist English degree? One of those Rousseau though; I’m starting to wonder why I haven’t been deported yet.
Wait just a goll-darn minute! Tarzan of the Apes banned by Nanookie of the North? What the…?
Those young minds need to be watching television, not reading. And if they are not reading, they should be praying.
Interesting that Palin was seeking to ban three Harry Potter books prospectively, years before they were even published.
Pigman was required reading in a high school class of mine. WTF is wrong with it? Teenage girls overcooking pasta? Old men living alone? Ceramic pigs?
I’ve only read 39 of those…not counting the dictionary. Seems like she tried to ban my entire middle-school reading list…
Stupid libtards.
[snark off]
The list is a fake, late addition to the real, reported events:
a brief exchange where the Mayor asked the librarian what she would do if someone wanted some books taken off the shelves. Librarian is shocked, responds negatively to the idea. Librarian is terminated a few weeks later. No books were ever specifically mentioned.
Now this reminds me of the Dan Rather incident. The documents were proven fake, but the heart of the story, Bush’s (lack of) attendance record with the ANG may have been true. You notice how after the dust settled no journalist would touch that one? Funny how adding over-the-top evidence or details to a story, and then disproving them, makes the whole thing just go away.
[snark on]
We can has Crowley? Kazantzakis?
edgydrifter: Yeah, but how many virgins can be left in the meth capital of Alaska?
What about The Red Badge of Courage in which Johnny Tremain augers his Sopwith Camel into a swamp behind enemy lines and is forced to wear a big red “A” around his neck after he’s caught having a maybe-situationally-homosexual affair with one of his captors?
PS: It’s not gay if you’re doing the poking, or so I’ve been told.
Texan Bulldoggette: Virgin smirgin–they just want to pork EVERYONE.
edgydrifter: The Red Badge of Courage has a “JC figure” (Jesus Christ) in it. Mother Sarah would poop in Todd’s hand before she banned that one.
tunamelt: I think it’s actually because of The Miller’s Tale, because analingus (sp?)has no place in Alaska because your tongue would freeze to said anus.
SayItWithWookies: Wow, weird. I don’t remember a rape scene, just the part where the kid’s dad clubs his pet pig over the head as the pig gazes trustingly up at him.
Headline from 2010: “Returning from somber services for Pres. McCain, super new President Palin assumes the reigns of government, issues fatwah against Judy Blume”
nestor: wow, I used because 3 times in one sentence, maybe I too can be governor of Alaska.
Hmmm…I’ve only read 22 of them. And most of them in a Catholic high school English class…by the time I was 16! Guess I’ve got some catching up to do.
I’m assuming that Gov. Palin has never read ANY of these books. Which would explain why she attended five different colleges before she finally graduated. What was her major, anyway?
madirishman: I think journalism was her major, & she was a sports broadcaster at one point. I think she minored in poli-sci.
nestor: I thought it was the description of the Clerk in the general prologue:
Sownynge in moral vertu was his speche,
And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly felch.
Nasty!
I actually really love these annual lists put out by the American Library Association. They handily gather in one convenient list all the titles that our wingnut America found offensive enough to try to “ban” (Webster’s Dictionary anyone?), thereby making it much easier for next year’s wingnut Americans to harass their local libraries about these titles without ever having to read them. It’s genius!
Ban Books! Not Bombs!
AnnieGetYourFun: Vegan= Eco-terrorist.
I assume Gravity’s Rainbow escapes because only six of us have read it?
nestor: How the heck many English majors are Wonkette commenters?!? Criminy, all of us?
jimh: That was fucking hilarious. I mean it. Busted my shit up. Best comment I’ve read in weeks.
SayItWithWookies: & AnnieGetYourFun: Re: A Day No Pigs Would Die. Father (Haven) and son (Robert) have to butcher the pig so the family will have food to last through the harsh New England winter. Robert forgives Haven because he knows it was an agonizing but necessary decision–which brings the Haven to tears, because he knows he’s broken Robert’s heart. Haven dies a few months later, and Robert takes over the farm–at age 13. I still have a copy of that book, 35 years after my freshman year English class. Thank you, Mr. Lynch (a diehard Republican), wherever you are.
Biden needs to get off one good “I don’t know, but Alaska” joke, and the banned book list provides the perfect opportunity.
iwillsavethispatient: It’s all sex and fart jokes.
Yikes! I’ve only read 13 of them, but then most of what I read has pictures and funny word balloons, plus I only have a Associates degree in communications. There may still be a chance to save my soul.
46 and half and various entries in the dictionary
I hate to point this out — in here, anyway — but a couple of number of the works named could only have been banned due to demands by Politically Correct Liberals, e.g.,
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (the whole “Nigger Jim” thingie).
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (ditto).
The Merchant of Venice (the “Evil Jewboy” problem).
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich (Our Friends The Russians might take umberage).
Further, some of those books SHOULD be banned — at least under the Mindless Trash rationale.
You’re going to love this! Robert Duvall, whose first move was “To Kill A Mockingbird”, was seen on stage this last weekend campaigning for Walnuts and Miss Second Class Alaska. I guess he really does love the smell of napalm in the morning.
I’ve read 47. But that’s beside the point. The reason that we have read or even heard of these books, is because we are smarter than the general population. In my elitist eyes, nothing to be ashamed of, but this is going to be the same general population that puts these dipshits in office in 8 weeks.
My question is: Where is the Democratic Party??? Where is Obama? Where is Biden? Why is no one talking about any of this crap? WHEN is the Democratic Party going to stop acting like a bunch of pussies????? I’m so disgusted my liver is going to be black by Election Day.
Oh! Here is one more book that Backwoods Hillbilly Redneck Barbie can put on her list to ban:
Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving the United States by Mark Ehrman.
I just bought it….Germany is supposed to be Beautiful in November.
I think the GILF needs to read the Handmaid’s Tale…
I’m surrounded by all of them, read most of them. The only book that should ever be banned in my opinion is The Bible. In comparison with these titles, it is the most violent and sluttiest book of them all. Oh, and a general ban on Dan Brown is good, too.
nestor: Sorry, I refuse to believe that any snowbilly redneck hunter type would ban a book with a tale where somebody lets off a thunderclap fart. The Miller’s Tale would be the one and only one she would be interested in for that very reason.
Hutch: Out of work English majors and librarians.
sanantonerose: Don’t forget Terry Brooks. Worst Author Ever.
If you were going to do a movie about Palin, you’d call it Fareheit MINUS 45.
And I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of anyone trying to ban a dictionary, ferchrissakes.
The list is completely beside the point. If you want to ban a book, you are not fit for office.
i love that, of all the minds and voices that our society might try to silence, people always seem terribly concerned about stephen king. i think the “buffy the vampire slayer” novelizations should be on here too. holy fuck.
edgydrifter: I have a friend who reads Brooks. I tried to make it through one chapter of something in the Shannara trilogy. *belch* That shit was made for speedreading.
Johnny Zhivago: That, Mr. Zhivago, was superb. However, I am still reeling over any call to ban Tarzan of the Apes! I loved the lesser know Burrough’s work, Cave Girl (or was that Juckie?).
Yeah, its a fake list, but its truthy!
I’m wondering if the American Library Association will do a special online exhibit/press release about this list of books during Banned Books Week. Nah. It would probably just stir up more challenges by church groups, etc. for public and school libraries.
Turgid penises in Canterbury Tales
and Bristol.
In Soviet Alaska…
C’mon, people, you all know Canterbury Tales is 1) in Middle English and 2) really very entertaining - Chaucer rocks! Don’t lose your elitist cred! I’m sure you’ve all read Terry Jones’ various books on Chaucer, right? Or am I the only one with autographed copies?
This list is actually what they tend to hand around the first day of library school, since as far as I can tell you get your library degree by knowing that Banned Books Week exists. Well, that and enrolling, but that’s about all you need to do…even Sarah Palin could get her MLS if she could agree that censorship is bad…