Wonkette
Here’s forgotten Bush Administration tool Condoleezza Rice weighing in on McCain’s goofy pick for veep, Alaskan anger-bear and baby farmer Sarah Palin.
What Condi’s doing here is what elitists call “damning with faint praise.” And that’s only natural for a well-educated academic fancy-pants piano-playing culture vulture like our Condi. What does she know about the real world of snowbilly trash and teen-aged baby mamas? Only a mean, dumb white-trash gal with a community-college degree in sportscasting understands the real challenges of this world — and that’s keeping “Sambo” out of the White House. There’s a reason it’s called that, you know! [Think Progress/ABC News]
God bless you for the first good laugh of the morning.
If the Czech Republic and Brazil ever get into a conflict over the results of the Miss Universe pageant I’m sure Palin could be dispatched to help sort things out and avert an escalation into all out war.
Tilt head to one side.
Allow only a hint of a smile to come to the lips.
Arch eyebrows in the middle. Imagine you are looking at your dog. And it is dead.
Shake head from side to side as you talk.
You have now conveyed the idea to whomever your are speaking with that they are retarded and you feel sorry for them. The Condi Way.
Mooseburgers!
95% of the people on this website have more experience to be VP then Palin. Therefore all of you are officially nominated as VP to the Paultard party. I, for one, welcome our new Wonkette overlords.
…someone needs to ask these right-wingers if they can honest to god imagine Sarah Palin playing hard ball with Vladimir Putin or Mahmoud Amadinejad?
Serolf Divad: Yeah or maybe they can dispatch her to find out who really doused Miss Puerto Rico’s evening gown with pepper spray. Such perfidy should not go unpunished! (I suspect it was Miss Venezuela.)
That Evening Sun: Beautiful summary. That is why Condi is America’s favorite second gay black secretary of state.
AngryBlakGuy:
She will look into their eyes, and see their souls. Then kick them in the shins, and say Jeebus told her to. Either that, or ask for some tips on pipe-laying.
MoodProcessor: With all due respect to Gov. palin, anyone with 4 (or 5) kids already knows the fundamentals of “pipe-laying.”
Condi wouldn’t know anything about being a leader, because she’s an
uppityelitist black person.Can I just say how much I’m going to love this election season? Until it’s over and we’ve lost and I have to decide if I really want to move to Canada this time?
Great lede in an usually staid newspaper; “Perhaps not as creepily as when Poltergeist’s Carol Ann announced to her family that the undead have returned to their home (or maybe more - depending on your point of view), John McCain appears to be back. Not only has he returned, but thanks to new GOP rock star Sarah Palin the Republican party is re-energized, for the time being anyway.”
http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2008/09/08/mccain-gop-theyre-baaaaack/
I’m on-board the “Sarah Palin is like totally unqualified” train, but I’m not sure Condi Rice is the poster child for “See, here’s a lady who’s an intellectual elitist with years of experience behind her who would have been a better choice”. The last three and a half years of US foreign policy haven’t exactly been triumph after triumph, particularly when it comes to Russia, the country she’s ostensibly an expert on.
AngryBlakGuy: Oh, yes, they can imagine it–because they are delusional fucktards.
Yes, Condi, she sure is the governor of some state. And that state definitely is one of the United States!
Man, no wonder the US is so great; you have to get up really early to pull one over on Condi.
Condi is a beautiful train-wreck of a diplomat.
AngryBlakGuy: You’d have to explain who they ARE first, naturally, then she’d lay the poor terraists out with her hockey stick…
lest we forget, condi’s the one who literally got the memo re 9/11, and couldn’t understand it, preoccupied, as she was, with her pre-9/11 mindset.
Regarding the “I attended a million colleges before finally graduating” thing, the fake Palin blog has a pretty funny explanation on each of the transfers on it: http://sarahpalin.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/09/the-real-story.html I’m starting to like that blog a little too much. And whomever is writing the Todd Palin posts is hysterical. The Todd live blog of Palin’s speech is still my favorite: http://sarahpalin.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/09/speech-live-blo.html Every time I get really angry, I read whatever is new on that blog and remember that in the end, stupid USUALLY loses (Dubya notwithstanding).
“There are different kinds of experience in life that help one to deal with matters of foreign policy.”
For instance, having paprika in your spice rack means you’re familiar with one of Hungary’s most popular exports. As a hockey mom, I’m sure she’s yelled ‘va fongul’ at a referee once or twice before — which demonstrates a familiarity with Italian — nay, Mediterranean — culture. Her ostrich-skin knee-high shitkickers? Australia right there. And a lot of her children’s clothes mean she’s conversant in the cultures of Malaysia, Vietnam and rural China. If that’s not qualified I don’t know what is.
Advocatus_Diaboli: At least Alaska is part of the United States, unlike “Hawaii” or “Indonesia” or the “South Side of Chicago”
Christastic: The set-up, and the close. I love it when a plan comes together.
Does Sarah Palin know who Condi is? Would she recognize her on the street, or would she be too busy crossing the street to avoid her to notice?
That Evening Sun: Every time Condi speaks I get this unbearable sensation that the real message, no matter what she purports to be talking about, is this: “I’m sorry you’re so stupid that I have to waste my precious time answering your inane question, but it’s part of my job so I’ll do it. But I won’t be happy about it. Now then: there are different kinds of experience that qualify you to deal with foreign policy. One of them is spawning babies until your uterus falls out. Or so I’ve been told to tell you.”
If Condi had Sarah’s qualifications, the McCains would have hired her as one of their maids.
Josh Fruhlinger:
Agreed. Further, Condi is supposed to be an expert in Russian/Soviet affairs and look at her great success in Georgia.
Josh Fruhlinger: Yes, but then, who would the Carolyn Bauers of the world vote for? Ron Paul?
Just answered my own question.
So what with Condom Lisa Rice, she is sooooo yesteryear. Her infatuation with Moammar Kadafi, sitting on his lap, stroking his oily derrick….grotesque. Condie needs to retire to Stanford.
But hey! You’ve got the luscious and spine-tingling Van Jones on your Premium Sponsors list…yummy! Too bad we have to sit through five excruitiatingly long hours of boring white guy blah blah blah to finally hear Van’s honeyed words and watch his big hands sculpt heaven in the air.
Whew.
Will Barry choose Van as his Sexy Secretary of State? I hope so.
What the hell DOES she know about foreign policy? She thinks the only differnce between herself and a Pit Bull is lipstick. Hell, even I know a Pit Bull has 4-legs…
yes, but where does sarah weigh in on the great manolo / ferragamo debate?
4tehlulz: Hey, “Condoleezza” is an exotic name and suggests a friggin’ lack of executive experienece negotiating sidewalks and other ways of the white man and such.
Condi is just counting the days until she can quietly retire.
columnv: Condi’s lack of diplomatic skill is working against Palin. She’s completely transparent.
Itsjustme: And more teets than you can shake a stick at!
Technically, Alaska is not “in” the United States, it’s up there north of Canada and is so close to Russia that I’m concerned Sarah Palin is really a Russian agent.
This is all part of the North Vietnamese “Manchurian Candidate” plot created while McCain was their hostage. They washed his brain then to plant the seeds of our destruction (isn’t that what Carl Rove hinted at when McCain ran against George Washington Bush?). Now they have had him name a Veep who actually came across the Bering Strait in a submarine and whose real name is Sasha. How’s that for conspiracy theory?
ladymacbeth: They don’t sell those at JCPenney.
At least the reporter said Palin’s name first so we didn’t have minutes of Condi going “Uhhh…..the Gov..ernor…of….uhhhhhh…Al….a….ba…no…Alaska…..” before a staffer yelled out “PALIN!” so Condi could continue with her vague, non-specific praise.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Awkward….! Audio is up here: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2964/Condoleezza-Rice-On-Sarah-Palin
AngryBlakGuy:
I have been wondering how Putin reacted when he heard this “ALASKA IS PRACTICALLY IN RUSSIA!” bullshit. Did he laugh so hard that he fell down and ran around in circles on his elbow, like Donald O’Connor in Singing in the Rain? Or maybe he’s just been giggling every few minutes for over a week now.
ladymacbeth: pondscum: If you had ever shopped in Alaska, you would not ask such ridiculous questions. Although there is a Nordies in Anchorage, and ANC (otherwise known as Ted Stevens Int’l Airport–NO I AM NOT SH*TTING YOU) had a pretty good dutyfree. Or at least they used to when non-stop from JFK to Asia was difficult most of the year.
It’s all Condi can do to refrain from pointing out that Palin is kind of hot.
Serolf Divad: With all due respect, Miss Brazil would not need that half-wit’s help, nor anyone else’s.
Because she hab’ the Good Bunda.
AnnieGetYourFun: Plenty of room in the Foreign Legion. Viva la France! Viva la Legion!
A state? Who the fuck let Alaska into the union?!!! Was I asleep or something?
johnbpt: Yes, are we sure she’s even a citizen? Was Alaska even a state when she was born? We need to see her birth certificate now. Its possible she was born in Russia or Canada. I need answers like Hilltards need answers
Time to take the low road. If Condie and Sarah were a couple, which one of them would be responsible for taking out the garbage and killing the spiders? Thoughts?