FACT CHECK  12:45 pm September 8, 2008

Sorry Dudes No Hot Sarah Palin Affairs On Record

by Sara K. Smith

This little polar bear is tired of your rumormongering.Oh goodness everybody’s panties were in a lather on Friday when it was revealed that some former business pal of Todd Palin had asked to have his divorce records sealed — presumably because they contained page after blistering page of descriptions of hot sexing with Todd Palin’s wife, a pretty lady who is running for vice president. After all, the National Equirer said she’d had an affair with a business associate of her husband, and how many business associates can a guy have?

Alas, there’s no there there, at least not with this associate, Scott Richter.

The noble reader-monkeys at The Smoking Gun went through all 98 tedious pages of Richter’s divorce filing and found nothing salacious or even very interesting in there. Basically the guy just wanted his records sealed because reporters were bothering him, but the only way he knows the Palins is he owns a cabin with them somewhere.

A judge denied the motion to seal the records, noting that “There is no legal basis for the request.”

One Palin Mystery Solved [The Smoking Gun]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Strappo September 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Sara, why must you tease and then disappoint us? I’m bitter and clinging to my AK-47 and Koran.


loquaciousmusic September 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Is that a polar bear or a dead labradoodle?

natteringnaybob September 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Let’s just make something up anyway.

shoeho September 8, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Jeez, and I thought it was Todd who had the affair with this Scott dude.

mookworthjwilson September 8, 2008 at 12:52 pm

[re=88504]natteringnaybob[/re]: Sexy time with a polar bear?

Serolf Divad September 8, 2008 at 12:53 pm

So what you’re saying is that Palin and Richter were discreet and so no one found out about the affair?

magic titty September 8, 2008 at 12:55 pm

and i had just unzipped…

Strappo September 8, 2008 at 12:55 pm

[re=88504]natteringnaybob[/re]: “What would Rove do?”

Just like Jesus. Only evil.

Jerk Cade September 8, 2008 at 12:59 pm

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Or something like that. The Enquirer didn’t say it was Richter.

I reeeeely want this to be true ’cause I want to watch the thugs say things like “Sarah and Todd’s decision to put this adultery behind them and reconcile for the sake of saving their marriage and providing a stable home for their pregnant children proves they have the values that America needs.”

And then my grandma’s head will explode.

RooseveltFranklin September 8, 2008 at 1:00 pm

I still think Todd looks guilty of something. I’ll wait patiently.

S.Luggo September 8, 2008 at 1:05 pm

[re=88503]loquaciousmusic[/re]: It’s a Bijon Frise that Mrs. Mom bagged from the air with an Alaskan National Guard hand grenade as she circled a residential mall in her Cesna. http://gotpetsonline.com/pictures-gallery/dog-pictures-breeders-puppies-rescue/bichon-frise-

Strappo September 8, 2008 at 1:06 pm

[re=88519]Jerk Cade[/re]: It will no doubt come and will take that hideous form. MY queer old head will explode.

Fear of a Black Reagan September 8, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Damn. Andie Sullivan was creaming her panties for this.

S.Luggo September 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm

[re=88519]Jerk Cade[/re]:
Absence of evidence is not evidence of abstinence.

Slutty_Chola_Cobbler September 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm

We need something on this bitch, ’cause y’all done know if she and the other idiot are in power this country will be fucked!
You know.. like Alaska is close to Russia and no sex education for the teens.. I’ll be having friggin’ 1/2 Russian retarded babies named Trailer Vladimir, Truck Porfiry, Pistol Kalishnikov…

Gopherit v2.0 September 8, 2008 at 1:10 pm

[re=88519]Jerk Cade[/re]: Didn’t you mean “Absence of evidence isn’t evidence of abstinence? Just sayin’.

She’s a hot-blooded snowbilly, but she’s also fertile as all get-out. DNA test the whole brood, I say. I bet none of them are Todd’s.

Gopherit v2.0 September 8, 2008 at 1:11 pm

[re=88529]S.Luggo[/re]: Damn you! Well played.

tunamelt September 8, 2008 at 1:11 pm

How boring of them. I was hoping for something involving a helicopter and a rifle, quite frankly.

youknew September 8, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Even if this one isn’t true, I bet it’s out there somewhere. She looks like that woman you go to church with who’s screwing everybody’s husband Monday to Saturday and smiling in your face on Sunday, not to mention talking shit about you and all her girlfriends.

Come on Alaska, tell us about it.

columnv September 8, 2008 at 1:21 pm

The Nat’l Enquirer cover is titled, “Sarah Palin’s Dark Secrets”. Should we not suggest a change to, “Sarah Palin’s Sambo Secrets”?

magic titty September 8, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Snark off: you know what’s bugging me about the current status of this election fiasco? is the inference that when a person of color reaches a certain ascendancy, they suddenly have no idea what they’re doing, and not capable of ‘leading’, and all of this other bullshit that attempts to re-dye a racist connotation. suddenly now, obama is not qualified, and he needs someone to look over his shoulder and mentor him, and let us send in grampappy mccain to play father figure to the negro who got too big for his britches.

fuck this fucking country.

we can resume snark now.

Advocatus_Diaboli September 8, 2008 at 1:27 pm

I just hope it doesn’t take the Enquirer as long with this story as it did with Edwards.

Well, if they want to wait until the middle of October, though, I think I can wait that long.

Gopherit v2.0 September 8, 2008 at 1:54 pm

[re=88565]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Not me. I hate the cynicism and contempt the Republicans are showing for Americans by picking Palin. I hope they find Palin is the worst of Jerry Springer and Reality TV all in one rancid little ball. I say bring on the putrescence that is the McCain-Palin ticket, and let the morons choke on it. I believe in Bell curves…..there’s just no way half of
the voting public can be stupid enough to swallow this garbage.

Oh yeah, Sarah Palin is a vapid, lying whore.

Itsjustme September 8, 2008 at 1:55 pm

Sarah’s a chicken-shit.

TGY September 8, 2008 at 1:58 pm

We shall shoulder on, regardless.

sezme September 8, 2008 at 2:03 pm

How many cabins does Sarah Palin own?

TGY September 8, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=88655]sezme[/re]: and hunting blinds

NoWireHangers September 8, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Thanks for nothing, TSG. Enquirer, find me something.

thefrontpage September 8, 2008 at 2:18 pm

What if Palin had an affair with John Edwards?!!!

Miller September 8, 2008 at 2:21 pm

The only thing the divorce papers revealed is that Richter totally asked the Palin’s to do their share of the dishes at the cabin and they totally didn’t. Plus, like, no respect for bathroom or fridge etiquette.


Jingo September 8, 2008 at 2:39 pm

So Scott Richter and Sarah Palin did not have “sexual relations.” I, and my friend Bill Clinton, would like to know if investigators have looked for any stained dresses.

I guess there is a bright side to all of this. I will save the money I was going to use to buy every Palin Sex Scandal issue of the National Enquirer to put them under the wipers of every car I see with a McCain/Palin sticker on it.

facehead September 8, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Do big hairy gay dudes in Alaska call themselves polar bears?

savage September 8, 2008 at 4:22 pm

this is a true story…i feel compelled to unlurk and tell it!
I sit next to a woman at work who has a friend who has a friend who caught caribou barbie in bed with her husband up there in that wasilla.
Does that make me 5 degrees from sarah???

Gopherit v2.0 September 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm

[re=88963]savage[/re]: Only if she was fucking Kevin Bacon.

gurukalehuru September 8, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=88963]savage[/re]: When you say that the friend of the friend of your friend at work caught Caribou Barbie in bed with her husband, does the “her” refer to the friend of the friend of the friend at work, or Caribou Barbie. If the latter, salacious as the story may be, it does not prove her to be the republislut we are all hoping she turns out to be.
If the former, whoooaaa Nellie!

savage September 8, 2008 at 5:14 pm

gurukalehuru: sadly, C.B. was in bed with the husband, not the friend. It did cause a divorce. I asked my co-worker why no public disclosure, mud-slinging etc. but she doesn’t know.

YellowSnow September 8, 2008 at 7:51 pm

[re=88504]natteringnaybob[/re]: Yeah, I heard while they were unsealing the records he done switched them with somebody nice. We demand answers people! Why is this being covered up from us?

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