MonstersDue to not watching much teevee your Wonkette editors were generally spared the spectacular series of meltdowns Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann enjoyed during the conventions, but we understand it was pretty nuts: catty hand gestures and bickering like old lesbians and finally Keith Olbermann refusing to go to St. Paul for fear he would be “assassinated.” Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief because they will not be anchoring the debates or election night for MSNBC.

The new honor goes to David Gregory, who is kind of meh but generally fine…let’s see, what else do we have on this guy…freakishly tall…fun to watch earlier in the Bush era when he’d get very indignant with the president during press conferences…eventually put out to pasture on that show Race to the Finish Line or whatever. But now he has a brand new career as the less annoying replacement for Olbermann and Matthews!

Chris Matthews will always have a special place in this editor’s heart because he is such a genuine political dork who actually knows something about American history. Keith Olbermann is a humorless gasbag who can eat a dick.

MSNBC says Olbermann, Matthews won’t anchor [AP]

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  1. I think MSNBC has really missed out on a giant opportunity, here. You can tune in anywhere and get a supposedly objective and somber take on political news, but MSNBC had stumbled onto a real niche market, and are now cowering from it. I watched them specifically because of the blatant partisanship, and the utter lack of professionalism. Now? Fuck ’em, I may as well watch PBS.

  2. Okay, if DG is anchoring the debate, I want to see him shaking hands with McGrampy. Since DG is about 6’5″, it will make Walnuts look like an elderly dwarf.

  3. I, for one, am glad that this media outlet will return to focusing on the important issues, like whether Obama wants to abort and eat Sarah Palin’s sweet harmless retarded baby.

  4. Nooo, you don’t like Clark Kent, Sara? Even if he bombastically eats a dick for you or whatever? Bummers.

    [re=88346]Godless Liberal *[/re]: Yeah. ‘Utter lack of professionalism’ a plus.

    However, WHERE IS WALTER CRONKITE??! When we really need him the most. I am sad.

  5. Olbmerann’s heart is in the right place, but the guy doesn’t play the “incredibly biased partisan pretending to play it straight” reporter bit very well. He’s no Brit Hume.

  6. If you want to see Republican leaning news, you can watch any network, especially the clowns at FOX NOOZ, but if you want to see strong Democratic-leaning coverage, well, f*** you, you’re un-American & gay & sh*t.

  7. [re=88355]EnBuenOra[/re]: I’m gay and unAmerican. I wrap myself in the rainbow flag at every opportunity. I don’t have a Vietnamese prison in my past, but I do have wonderul memories of being immured in the closet.

    What’s your point, dickweed?

  8. …too bad. I actually liked Matthew because he is unpredictable and generally doesn’t let people get away with bull shit answers. And Olberman’s blatant and seething hatred for all things Republicans is both entertaining and comical.

  9. Howie Kurtz called them out on his media-about-media show on CNN Sunday morning, when only true media junkies are watching. To lose Kurtz’ respect must be the last straw.

  10. [re=88362]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Even tho’ they’re on the side of the angels (ours, natch), I couln’t tolerate either one of them. Never have, never will.

  11. And thus the press has spotted the trend and falls in line with our new McGrampy / Mooselini overlords. Expect no hard questions, as challenging them will just mean their White House press room seating will be at the back under the leaking air conditioner.

  12. [re=88351]TGY[/re]: Cronkite has retired. You can still hear his voice introduce Katie Couric, but because of that big fat paycheck, you’re not likely to see him around anymore.

  13. Wash Post says it was the mainstream journalists at NBC who engineered this, because they thought the blatant left-wing bias of MSNBC was stinkin’ up their joint. Too bad they don’t realize, nobody cares about them any more. The only people who watch Brian Williams every night are McCain’s age. So NBC, trying to lock up the nearly-dead demographic, and killed the type of programming that young people like. NBC is stinkin’ up MSNBC.

  14. Does this have anything to do with the Repugs chanting slurs about NBC at the convention?
    David Gregory: fucking Bush operative. More than a MEH. All the way to BLEH. But….BUT Olbermann as a dick eating gas bag, well that couldn’t be closer to the truth — the old fake, SIR! It’s the final (or maybe the beginning) of the exorcism of Mr. Potato Head Russert. Course, now we have to listen to that boob of a son of his. Jesus.

  15. I get Olbermann but not Matthews. Olbermann is sometimes good on Countdown but that’s really where he belongs. However, I really like Matthews being out front. He is fair, passionate about politics, and knows his stuff. What’s so bad about that? I’m just going to go back to getting all of my political news from Stewart and Colbert.

  16. KO put the biscuit in Matthew’s basket one too many times. On Air. I’ll miss my disfunctional anchors. I am also bummed as it perpetuates the weak liberal reputation. Olberman was as close to I-am-mad-as-hell-and-I-am-not-going-to-take-it-anymore as there ever was. In a postmodern way of course.

  17. If people couldn’t handle the slant on MSNBC, please…change to Fox. MSNBC was the only tolerable outlet to watch on big political nights. Oftentimes we were the only ones in the bar that knew what the channel was …but they’d always flip. What now? Bleh.

  18. THey should have fired Tweety for his hairpiece alone. And KO? He’s a bit too much of a dick. I like my partisans smart enough to negate the bias. Go Rachel!

    Seriously, though, now we’ll have all three major cable news networks going conservative? This will turn into a rating cage match.
    Three will enter, but only two will leave.

  19. The downside of all this is that NBC has now signed Olbermann, Matthews, Gregory and Brokaw for a new NBC reality show, “Survivor: MSNBC,” in which they all compete in various cable television news channel contests for 30 days, all the while unable to leave the NBC headquarters building in Manhattan, and able to only eat food from vending machines and from break room cupboards and refrigerators. The winner gets a chance to call themselves a real journalist for a year.

  20. “Keith Olbermann is a humorless gasbag who can eat a dick.”,/i>

    OK, you’re not down with KO, but really Sara…. what have you got against eating dicks? If news gets out that you play for the other team, do you KNOW how many het male hearts will break? What is the sound of 18 million left ventricles cracking?

    BTW: what is this “MSNBC?” A tv channel devoted to readers of Ms. mag? [Rhetorical question… yes we get it in our igloos, just NOT on basic cable where it used to be until we got a couple of Ted Turner movie channels. Which is a win-win, because now we get less of David Gregory and more of Gregory Peck.]

  21. [re=88397]BruceLee5000[/re]: I was just being provocative. I know “irony” when I see it. I was just trying out for a new job.

    And DON’T call me strappon. I’m not an old Lesbian.

  22. If A.R. Gurney (Love Letters, The Cocktail Hour, The Dinning Room), ever wrote wrote a play about a cable news channel, it would look something like MSNBC.

  23. [re=88367]Strappo[/re]: [re=88378]graceless[/re]: …despite the fact that Olberman has a tendency to be over the top in his coverage I don’t mind him. I see him as a good counter weight to all the right wing crazy floating around cable now a days. I really see this as a pussy move on NBC’s part because the truth is, these guys are pundit talking heads which last I checked meant you could have an opinion.

  24. All I’m saying is Chuck Todd better be the one holding the Tim Russert Memorial Whiteboard on election night. Don’t let Tweety or KO anywhere near that thing.

  25. I could do without Ko on election or debate night but Chris was the only one that would call the repugs on bs and push back on the McSame idiot call of the media betting up poor Palin the lier from Alaska. Now the Repugs and the religious nutbag right will feel their new power as they make NBC roll over and can the only two anchors that questioned the war and Walnuts/Palin bullshit. David Gregory is a milk toast like Brokaw, Charlie Rose on PBS is going to start looking like the only hard anchor left on tv. What a bunch of wussies.

  26. I kind of love Chris Matthews, just because he is so clueless and eccentric. All constantly yapping with all these metaphors about gay marriage and old movies. While Olbermann seems like he practices his OUTRAGE act, in front of the mirror, every morning (while his 25-yr-old girlfriend is in the shower, natch).

    Actually what would be really great is if they had a reality show. Run it on weekends instead of those lock-up programs!

  27. [re=88421]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Chucky T’s got some new snazzy touch screen thingy that works with a pair of McCain and Obama bobble-head dolls. No, I’m not joking. Anyway, he seems really attached to his new toy. Tamron Hall asked if she could play with it and Chuck said something to the effect of “back off bitch”! Someone’s going to end up brained by a McCain bobble-head, I can see it coming.

  28. [re=88402]Canuckledragger[/re]: I agree, o my brother. This debate is way over my head. The only time I’ve ever even seen Olbermann was in the days when _everyone_ was haxxoring DirectTV down at the trailerpark. And now, as a connoisseur of basic cable, I too live dumbfounded…

  29. Can they get Dan Rather???!!!

    I long for his colloquialisms. And this election practically BEGS for colloquialisms. Think about it:

    Palin’s as sure-footed as a moose balanced on a beaver dam…

    and etc.

  30. Left leaning moderates and liberals watch the MSNBC election coverage, they are a big chunk of their viewership. By doing this, their ratings will suffer. It’s money versus McCain’s feelings, I think money will win. After GE sees its cash cow plummet , they’ll beg those two crazy mutherf*ckers to come back and tell Rick Davis to suck McCain’s shriveled up stinky gerkin.

  31. KO lost everybody to the right of Lenin when he had Michael Moore on and was talking about how the hurricane would affect the GOP convention; Moore giggled and said, “Isn’t that great?” Anybody with a shred of sense would have reamed Fat Boy a new one, but KO gave us a couple uncomfortable seconds of dead air and let Moore worm his way out of it. Stick to Countclown, Keith. Oh, and stay the fuck away from Sunday Night Football, while you’re at it.

  32. Hmmmm, let’s see. KO: knowledgable about American social and poltical history, willing to call these evil shit heads on their lies. Can’t have that…people might *gasp* start thinking.

  33. Sara, I concur with your last paragraph. Love Chris and Joe. Keith is a freaking madman.
    [re=88458]d4g33z[/re]: [re=88402]Canuckledragger[/re]: Guys, as a fellow Canuck,(but one who invested specifically in the extra cable package so I could see all of this on Channel 115) I point you in the direction of MSNBC TV in your browser on this strange thing called the Internet. This will take you to a yummy site chock full o’goodness. You can find Morning Joe, Countdown and Hardball segments there every day as well as more vapid NBC fare. To die for!

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