Two weeks before Sarah Palin will talk to anyone. It’s like cramming for the LSAT in two weeks, except in this case, the LSAT is “the entirety of foreign and domestic United States policy,” which has nothing to do with The Law. [YouTube]

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  1. Yeah this was awesome.

    Every couple of weeks or so Matthews’ hatred of Olbermann bursts out and he shits all over someone on air. It’s great that it’s been happening more and more often; Convention Stress was really getting to everyone at MSNBC.

  2. Sorry, I got no snark for this. If the ‘real’ journalists of the world let this pass, and these two win, I will probably never vote in another election again. We will have truly gotten the government we deserved. Gotta go start drinking now–so depressing.

  3. Pat Sajack,Vanna White and David Duke may need to be flown in for her 2 week tutoring extravaganza so that the presentation material will be more easily absorbed.

  4. Sarah Palin is like a collectable Barbie doll. If you keep her locked up and hidden away, she’ll be valuable in the future. If you take her out and let the press touch her, she’ll drop in value and won’t be worth shit by election day. Also, neither she or the Barbie have nipples. Weird I know, but has anyone ever said they saw them? I don’t think so.

  5. “The press is going to be pounding her… wanting to know where the access is… there’ll be a lot of noise… as frustrated as the press will be… this is a smart move.”

    Basically, Sarah Palin is a huge cocktease.

    I’m sorry, was that sexist?

  6. Top 10 Comments Overheard During Secret Palin Cram Sessions?

    10. Well, no, Governor. Not everyone on Earth speaks English.

    9. The “Evil Soviet Empire”? Well, we in the State Department haven’t called it that for some time now.

    8. Burnt? No, the people in Africa were born that color. And the “little yellow ones” don’t have jaundice.

    7. Yes, we realize that Baby Jesus was not Jewish. Nonetheless, the Israelis are not Southern Bapists.

    6. Those things the Saudi royal family wear are not dresses, regardless of how much they like holding hands with President Bush.

    5. When we say “Chinese,” we’re usually not talking about ordering take-out, Governor.

    4. That’s a tough one, Govenor. Maybe we can get someone from NASA to explain how, given that the Earth really is flat as stated in the Bible, all those reconnaissance satellites manage to stay in orbit.

    3. I undersand your concerns, Govenor. But as used in State Department briefing memos, “French” is not a sexual reference that might be bad for Bristol to hear.

    2. Yes, “Indians.” You know, the subcontinent? “India”? Around 900 million or so people? Next to Chin . . . . No, we’re not making it up.

    ::: Internal Mental Dialogue: Fuck me: I took the Foreign Service Exam for THIS???:::

    And No. 1 Comment Overheard During Secret Palin Cram Session?

    1. We’re sure your beauty queen gown was lovely, Govenor. But we don’t mean that kind of “Muslim.”

  7. Sarah is READY to be Vice President on DAY ONE. She’s just not ready to be a CANDIDATE yet. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe… probably. yup, yup, yup.

  8. [re=87835]KittyKatMan[/re]: Good luck with that. I think it would only be an issue if the pastor was black. Crazy white pastors don’t seem to scare Hannity and gang. Crazy black pastors earn 24-hour non-stop coverage on Fox.

  9. My snark is completely withered…this woman scares me to death because so many people think she is so real and “one of us”. I have lived in this country for 20 years and used to think I was welcome here, now I wonder.

  10. Obviously Not Ready for Prime Time unless she gets to read a teleprompter. Who’s gonna tell the teleprompter what to say when Putin comes aknockin’??

  11. This, of course, will be the plot of “Legally Blonde 3: Caribou Barbie.”

    I imagine several shots of Sarah Palin (Reese Witherspoon) trying to read “International Diplomacy for Dummies,” while evading questions from the evil Chris Matthews (Ricky Gervais).

  12. [re=87861]BillyT[/re]: I’ve noticed that WonkaBee & Canmon (the inadequate) are unhappy campers in the Wonkette world. Makes one wonder why they come to visit.

  13. I had all this great stuff I was going to say, then I read Jingo’s comment and it was so freakin’ brilliant and dead on the money that I can’t even remember what I was going to add.

    Off topic, but it finally dawned on me who that harpy shrew reminds me of – she’s a dead ringer for Peggy Hill on King of the Hill. I’m sure someone has already pointed that out by now, but I don’t get to read every comment.

  14. So depressing. All of the blatant lies and doublespeak they’ve been laying out over the past week–I’m fully convinced now that one would have to be either incredibly dumb or completely morally bankrupt to buy into it. So even leaving out all the Democrats who also happen to be dummies, that means about half the country is *confirmed* stupid and/or evil. I always suspected as much, but now I know.

  15. I’ve never been able to keep track of all those hordes: the Huns, Vandals, Ostrogoths, Visigoths. And how ever did those people from the Caucasus wind up in Finland after dropping the cousins in Hungary. But really, is Rome in Romania cause Kansas City is only partly in Kansas. How the hell is she going to explain this on Meet the Press???

  16. [re=87869]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]:

    “So depressing. All of the blatant lies and doublespeak they’ve been laying out over the past week–I’m fully convinced now that one would have to be either incredibly dumb or completely morally bankrupt to buy into it. So even leaving out all the Democrats who also happen to be dummies, that means about half the country is *confirmed* stupid and/or evil. I always suspected as much, but now I know.”

    Nice choice of and/or there. Good job. One question: have you told your parents you’re gay?

  17. One of the biggest and most influential lies we’ve been told is that there are two sides to every story.
    The debate about this podunk being qualified to be a heartbeat away from becoming POTUS is an excellent example of that fallacy.

  18. [re=87883]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]:

    Shit… I may have fell into a snark. Or not. Either way. /Salute UnindictedCo-conspirator May your (sexual targets) be hot and may your beers be cold.

  19. [re=87866]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: just found the gangbang stuff a little hard to take. Guess I’m hypersensitive tonight. I’ll take some time off….

  20. Note to McCain: In reference to Palin, like they say in “Tropic Thunder,” you should never go “full retard.” [Apologies to the developmentally disabled for including someone purposefully inane in their ranks.]

    At least pick somebody who doesn’t need to cram a law degree and decades of public service and interest in international experience (and reading periodicals that end in “Times” instead of “digest”–if she bothers to read at all, which is unclear–she seems to get most of her political news from the teevee, which as we all know, is great) in two weeks.

    As we all know, she’s gonna be changing diapers, sending sons off to war, counseling unwed teen mothers, running for vice president of the free world, running the largest oil producing state of blah blah blah.

    She hardly has time to learn, for instance, what countries speak Kurdish?

    I bet Biden knows.
    I bet Obama knows.
    I bet Hillary knows.
    I bet McCain used to know (and can still guess)(but still has enough since to defer).
    I bet Palin has a suburb-friendly Bush-ism to rally the troops to her defense, and I am mortified.

    The end.

  21. Meanwhile, back in an abandoned farm, well-know recurrent chainsaw massacre sponsor Hugh Hewitt is red flagging you on Obama’s mischaracterization of whatever relationship he had with whoever because, frankly, the GOP don’t care ’bout ‘elitists factualizations’. So here’s to you mischaracterizing colored person.

  22. Do you think she’s going to answer everything at the debate in the form of a question? Oops.

    Or maybe they’re preparing her by playing “Boggle.”

  23. Don’t criticize her too much for going through two weeks of study hall — if she catches a lot of flak, she’ll promise never to study again. Now which option sounds better?

  24. [re=87907]d4g33z[/re]: Here’s a new McCain campaign talking point:

    “Sarah Palin is so down to earth that she prepares for the Vice Presidential debates by playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.”

  25. I imagine Palin’s study session is going something like this…

    Here Sarah, drink this Kool-Aid.

    Insert this ice pick behind your eye and twist it around.

    Have you read A Clockwork Orange? Ha ha, that’s right you banned that book. Now we’re going to clamp your eyes open and show you a movie.

    Have you seen Manchurian Candidate? Also banned? Perfect. No time for sleep, only time for study.

  26. Bill O’reilly is so dismissive. Barry is all cool and on point. I bet all the while he was thinking, what an asshole. is this shit reaaly worth it? Talk about personal sacrifice.

  27. [re=87916]loquaciousmusic[/re]: And he wonders why nobody who disagrees with him wants to go on his show. Here’s a hint, Bill — it’s not because you’re such a good debator. It’s because you won’t let anyone get a freakin’ word in edgewise. I hope Obama gets him so pissed off that in the last segment Bill cuts his mic off.

  28. [re=87916]loquaciousmusic[/re]: O’Reilly says ‘perspicacious’. He probably spent all night looking through SAT study guides to find the right word to throw at Barry.

  29. Her going into hiding has nothing to do with rehab.
    It has something to do with her water breaking, so….she’s at home waiting for the contractions get more serious before she will expose herself to the people she serves.

    The job of a republican vp is like a community activist – only you run like hell when spoken to.

  30. [re=87937]lilblackcorvette[/re]: You know, I thought it was a trap. If he doesn’t know the word, he looks stupid ; If he does, he’s elitist. But you bring up a very good point. He can say “you were right” in a way 95% of viewers don’t understand. Very perspicacious of you.

  31. [re=87841]Neilist[/re]: Nicely done. My doctor says I contracted East Nihil Virus a couple of years back. It all makes sense now.

    When I was a kid, or at least slightly less juvenile than I am now, ok that’s arguable, we used to play a game when we were briefly which was a variant on kinda kick the can with some other rules, which the locals players kept changing to suit…


    I don’t want to hear about Sarah Palin’s lower 48s ever again.

    I fear for DC. OMG the Hanna flooding has subsided and the gunships are back.


  32. *sigh* Chris Matthews does a lot of good work, but whenever he’s faced with a pretty woman, he goes into horny-high-school-teenager mode and instantly fails.

    Can’t wait for Maddow’s show to start this Monday. It’s gonna be awesome :D

  33. She won’t be studying up on anything so specific as Kurdish geography because first, there isn’t enough time, but also, more importantly, if she did she would be playing into Biden’s hands. If she studied really hard and then went out there and showed off her new-found appreciation of the significance of the 12th imam (or any other of the millions of pieces of foreign affairs minutiae Joe Biden must have crammed away in his head while gathering years of useless non-executive experience in the US Senate) and she were to get it wrong, she would be caught out, flanked, isolated, and finished. She’s too valuable an asset for that to be allowed to happen.

    No, instead she is studying up on dozens of different ways of saying, “I don’t know and I don’t care, and neither do the American people.” She can only be defeated if she gives the Democrats the power to defeat her. She won’t.

    If you have a graduate degree, are fluent in English or French, and have at least one year of experience in a management, professional, or highly skilled occupation, then Canada wants you:
    Heck, if you have $10,000 on hand you don’t even need a job!

  34. OMG my post missed a noun or two, it was supposed to be “briefly freed from the monstrous oppression of chores and errands”. And then as the light failed and we were drafted to the ongoing harassment of The Bath, we howled kicking and screaming into order.

    Just like a political campaign.

    Ah, happy days.

  35. [re=87871]elitistpigbull[/re]: Or does she think Arkansas got its name because the residents wanted a Kansas of their own but wanted to make sure dem other Kansans didn’t get any screwy ideas?

  36. [re=87963]Christastic[/re]: Fantasic!
    Hitchens = Gervais is brilliant.
    A minor grammatical correction: “Matthews will be played by himself…because he always is.”

  37. [re=87879]irisheyes[/re]: Been thinking of doing this too, but I wonder if it makes sense to get even further away from the clusterfuck they are going to turn this country into.

  38. I guarantee there is a team of GOP operatives researching earpiece technology as we speak. I’m not even kidding about this. It will start as a joke. But by the end of week one, they’ll have Q on the phone, asking him if unlimited funds will buy them a completely invisible earpiece. Or an implantable computer chip, full of the knowlege any other VP candidate would have on “day one.” One of those.

  39. [re=87949]WABishop[/re]:
    “fluent in English or French”.
    She speaks Alaskan.
    Wisella = el preemisto crystal
    Mayor of Wisella = Federal earmark hog
    Runner up to Miss Alaska = potential Federal earmark hog
    Governor of Alaska = current Federal earmark hog
    Evangelical = The Democrats killed the sweet baby Jesus
    The Todd = Why did he fuckin’ let what’s-her-name get boinked by a stoner?
    Iran = Near South Dakota
    John McCain = Cindy’s old white-haired dude. What’s his face? My predecessor. He was jailed

  40. Please sign and help circulate this petition! The simple act of emailing it helps build awareness that the McCain campaign is “hiding” her from direct questions.

    To sign this petition, please click this link:

    Text provided below:

    We request you provide the citizens of the United States with the opportunity to see Governor Palin interviewed by a variety of news media outlets.

    This election is a crucial one to us in terms of a wide range of domestic and foreign policy issues. Given the current concerns about numerous topics including health care, the rise in unemployment, the tense relations between Russia and Georgia, and the ongoing war in Iraq, it is neither sufficient nor acceptable that we hear Governor Palin’s opinions and ideas only through pre-written speeches, press releases and select interviews with “soft” and “friendly” news sources such as People magazine and Fox News…[for rest of text, click link above]

  41. It’s all about making an entrance. They wait two weeks, let the troopergate, book-banning, oil company beloging, earmark grabbing, sambo saying, meth queen and teen pregnancy rumors die down, then she comes out waving and smiling and answers a few cream puff questions with “America must be strong and believe in Jesus and trust me, I’m an empty-headed small town mom, just like you all,” and all will be forgiven.
    I’m just hoping that, after hiding out for 2 weeks (4 if they can get away with it)the 1st question a reporter asks her is “Did you really take a 22 hour flight from Texas to Alaska, changing planes on the way and leaving 3 cities with perfectly adequate hospitals, without informing the airline that you were even pregnant, AFTER you noticed amniotic fluid dripping down your leg?”
    Follow up question #1 Are you nuts?
    Follow up question #2 How stupid do you think we are?

  42. I think the Republicans should issue a video montage of the VPILF hitting the books, going to the library, falling asleep in books, being prepped by kissenger etc. Then americans will know she’s really prepared. Kinda like Rocky training to fight but maybe more like that movie where the dumb blonde sority chick inexpicably gets into harvard law

    Come to think of it, the VPILFs supporters think that dumb random luck gets people like Nobama into good law schools.

  43. [re=88011]gurukalehuru[/re]: You don’t get it. If the baby was born in texas, then no $1200 annuity & the baby is at risk of ethnic cleansing when alaskans rise up against their oppressors down south.

    Of course it makes sense to nearly kill a baby by traveling when you are pro-life under these circumstances.

    Only after a baby is born is it OK to kill it through mandatory conscription to war, death penalty, guns, meth, etc

  44. [re=88018]franks and beans[/re]: Brilliant. But I don’t see the link of a dumb carolina beauty queen commenting incoherently on the education system and the foreigns with Palin’s cram sessions.


    Sorry, tropical Hanna made me hot and wet.

  45. [re=87916]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Great stuff. I think O’Rielly is going to inadvertently convince some of his core viewers to vote for Barack, when they see how cool and calm Hopey is in this.

    [re=87848]Limeylizzie[/re]: You are welcome here, don’t worry. These people only imagine that they own America. If you lived in the US for 20 years, you’re as native most of your fellow citizens. I was born here, and I’m still flabbergasted by this woman.

  46. [re=87978]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Hey- I found a nice place overlooking the ocean in Novia Scotia for under 190K American! And I took the Canadian work application thingy and I’ve got enough points! Just have to convince hubby he can work up there… my daughter- she keeps telling me I don’t have enough hope and that President Obama will make all this worrying go away. Bless her heart, she’s too young to know what religious fervor and and an unwavering belief in the certainty of rightness can do to an election.

  47. There’s the danger that if she studies too much, she’ll be unfit for the Confederacy of the Stupid. We wouldn’t want that to happen, now, would we?

    Then again, I suppose it depends on what she studies. EDUCATED STUPID!

  48. [re=88046]irisheyes[/re]: What’s the point? As soon as U.S. and A. runs out of water, Canada will get sued under NAFTA and awarded to a private equity company in Texas. And have you ever experienced insane winter with ocean spray? You’ll drink yourself into an early grave, like everyone else who lives there.

  49. [re=88056]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: She’s being schooled on foreign affairs by Joe Lieberman and this guy named Stephen Beigun, who’s a VP for Ford (and seems to be in charge of lobbying the gov’t on foreign affairs issues). With that sort of a one-sided education, she won’t be in danger of knowing too many inconvenient facts.

  50. [re=88068]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: I want to drill her daughter Anwar.
    Sarah has an Egyptian daughter? I hope she’s Muslim — it would be too much fun to see the Republicans arguing that just because she has a Muslim daughter doesn’t mean she’s Muslim herself or would promote some sort of radical Muslim agenda. Then Republicans would all start wearing hijabs and kheffiyehs as a sign of support.

  51. [re=87950]S.Luggo[/re]: Actually they adapted from the Italian fascists: “se il vigore va bene, avanti con il pene; se il vigore amingua, avanti con la lingua; e se il vigore e nullo, avanti con il culo”.

  52. Karl Rove: “Put up by a teacher to run for class senate, he beat his opponent by riding in the back of a convertible sandwiched between two attractive girls inside the school gymnasium,[3] right before his election speech.”

    Jesus Christ….now we are all back in high school.

    And Sarah is the slut who stole my boyfriend…..

  53. Okay, so it will take Mooselini two weeks before she knows what John McCain thinks.

    How long will it take before her running mate knows what John McCain thinks?

  54. Two weeks = New Experience to be President. Worked well for Dubya, why not Sarah
    That’s dfinitely not intellectual trancendence.

    Why does McCain’s communications director have his creepy smile? Is that part of the
    job requirement? If so, Sara Palin’s gonna look like the Crypt Keeper in two weeks.

  55. The AP, Wash. Post, NY Times all report Palin will do an interview with either Charles Gibson or some other actual news person “in a few days”. I’m sure it will be a very hard-hitting interview with ground rules well-established: Okay to ask about Miss Wasilla contest; not okay to ask anything about policy.

  56. Now, more than ever, we need….


    God, could you imagine Palin getting hammered and bamboozeled by the master of BS destruction. It would have made CNN’s Brown questions to McCain’s Tucker Bounds seem like a love-fest.

    She would have run crying back to Wasalia about those evil people in ‘lower 48’ and immediately joined her husband in pushing for Alaska’s succession from the Union.

  57. Every time I hear a talking head for the GOP say, “women relate to Sarah, because they know her,” I think, “that’s right, I know her.” She was that self-interested gal who sidled up to the principal at the start of the semester, worked herself & her posse into favor & proceeded to “rule the school” for the remainder of the year. All the activities were dictated by their wishes & schedules. Any parent who wanted to be involved found out ‘too slow, you blow’ & on the bottom rung with dirty jobs, no say over anything & lots of meetings secretly scheduled when the rest of us were at work, so the “hockey moms” could just keep things going their way. Yeah, I know this chick. She is not a nice person and with her, you’re either in or out. Mean Girls: What a great idea for our country!

  58. [re=87921]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I was soooo gonna go with the Clockwork Orange reference. This is why living several time zones away sux. Also was kinda hoping to finally be able to move home in the coming year but if that atrocity is in office I’ll be sticking with Prime Minister Kevin.

  59. Sarah Palin is the warmest, bravest, most wonderful woman I have ever known…
    Sarah Palin is the warmest, bravest, most wonderful woman I have ever known…
    Sarah Palin is the warmest, bravest, most wonderful woman I have ever known…

  60. [re=88046]irisheyes[/re]: I’m tired of the cold, and Canada will be too close to this administration if Walnuts and Mooselini win… I’m looking at Spain and Portugal.

  61. politico says chas gibson is going to interview her later in the week in ak. yay! now we can find out the truths about banning books, building bridges to nowhere, having affairs with business partners and all that other fun stuff that’s floating out there.

    or not.

  62. I just realized that the Wonkette intro to this says: “It’s like cramming for the LSAT in two weeks…” Well, yeah, except the LSAT covers nothing you can cram for, and everyone knows you can score in the 25th percentile and get into a law school.

    Perhaps the better analogy is that it’s like cramming for the bar exam after cutting classes for 3 years.

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