Andrea Mitchell Nearly Killed By John McCain’s War Balloons

Here is the highlight of John McCain’s big acceptance speech extravaganza last night: that time Andrea Mitchell was nearly murdered in a sneak balloon attack, and all of her supposed “friends” on the MSNBC coolly mocked her and called her “Boom Boom,” which is code for “old-timey boxing hero cut down in her prime by elitist balloons.” It is always a tragedy, for America, when news anchors have to interact with the physical world. [YouTube]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  1. Miller

    Worse still, Tom Ridge ditched her to go to the safe confines of Brokaw and Williams cocoon of needles, specially concocted to shield them from McCain’s night of a billion balloons. That was his theme last night, right? America gets a free balloon?

  2. Canuckledragger

    I’m surprised they opted for balloons. Juan still has nightmares from when he piloted the Hindenburg. Oh the humanity!

  3. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87386]Canuckledragger[/re]: The real reason Flight 93 didn’t make it to D.C.?
    Guess who was driving.

  4. AngryBlakGuy

    …McCains geriatric balloons vs. Obama’s Greek Firworks!

    Walnuts! had to make sure he used something that would cause half his base to go into cardiac arrest.

  5. goofyeyedterrorist

    What a missed opportunity for her. Had she been killed she would have automatically been elevated to the status of Earnie Pyle. That’s as close to being a journalist as she’ll ever be.

  6. Wee Mousie

    On the other hand, you have to admire the the balloon barrage’s dead on symbolism of RNC platform: the thin skin of a patriotic facade, filled with a substance that is more insubstantial than air.

  7. Cape Clod

    Big Deal, Andrea. Try interviewing a Golden Lab who won’t let go of your microphone if you want to prove you’ve got some journalistic chops.

  8. Jingo

    [re=87385]S. Cullen Bonz[/re]: You were right they are condoms. This is another propaganda tool by the religious right who orchestrated the prophylactics in such a way as to appear as if they were attacking poor Andrea Mitchell. The real abuse did not begin until she stepped outside and was greeted by a hailstorm of birth-control pills. She ducked them bravely as she ran to her newsvan, but wiped out just yards from safety when she slipped on a slick of spermicidal lubricant. The obvious message is that contraceptives are dangerous. This complements their other message that women, young and old, should rejoice in accepting sperm into themselves, much like they should accept Jesus into themselves… umm, just not at the same time. Jesus ain’t one for settling down. He don’t want no little Jeeslets roaming around asking for money and miracles.

  9. lawrenceofthedesert

    This entire avoidable episode began when Greenspan refused to take her to Chuck E. Cheese.

  10. frankenliberal

    Actually, her husband, Allan Greenspan, arranged to have her snuffed out. He has a huge insurance policy with a “Death-by-Balloon rider” for treble damages.

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