BOOM-BOOM  6:57 pm September 5, 2008

Andrea Mitchell Nearly Killed By John McCain’s War Balloons

by Sara K. Smith

Here is the highlight of John McCain’s big acceptance speech extravaganza last night: that time Andrea Mitchell was nearly murdered in a sneak balloon attack, and all of her supposed “friends” on the MSNBC coolly mocked her and called her “Boom Boom,” which is code for “old-timey boxing hero cut down in her prime by elitist balloons.” It is always a tragedy, for America, when news anchors have to interact with the physical world. [YouTube]

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Miller September 5, 2008 at 7:03 pm

Worse still, Tom Ridge ditched her to go to the safe confines of Brokaw and Williams cocoon of needles, specially concocted to shield them from McCain’s night of a billion balloons. That was his theme last night, right? America gets a free balloon?

iwillsavethispatient September 5, 2008 at 7:04 pm

Some people pay good money for that… I’m led to believe.

columnv September 5, 2008 at 7:08 pm

He is such a fascist.

Sire Says September 5, 2008 at 7:08 pm

Hey, I think I found the creative geniuses behind McCain’s bio video and his speech.

S. Cullen Bonz September 5, 2008 at 7:11 pm

There goes the Catholic vote. They thought they were condoms.

Canuckledragger September 5, 2008 at 7:13 pm

I’m surprised they opted for balloons. Juan still has nightmares from when he piloted the Hindenburg. Oh the humanity!

shortsshortsshorts September 5, 2008 at 7:18 pm

[re=87386]Canuckledragger[/re]: The real reason Flight 93 didn’t make it to D.C.?
Guess who was driving.

AngryBlakGuy September 5, 2008 at 7:25 pm

…McCains geriatric balloons vs. Obama’s Greek Firworks!

Walnuts! had to make sure he used something that would cause half his base to go into cardiac arrest.

Vanity Smurf September 5, 2008 at 7:30 pm

Balloon Bukakke.

goofyeyedterrorist September 5, 2008 at 7:30 pm

What a missed opportunity for her. Had she been killed she would have automatically been elevated to the status of Earnie Pyle. That’s as close to being a journalist as she’ll ever be.

liquiddaddy September 5, 2008 at 7:58 pm

“Boom Boom” is vaudeville-ees for drunken washed-up stripper.

Wee Mousie September 5, 2008 at 8:13 pm

On the other hand, you have to admire the the balloon barrage’s dead on symbolism of RNC platform: the thin skin of a patriotic facade, filled with a substance that is more insubstantial than air.

MarineMustang September 5, 2008 at 8:31 pm

War balloon?

ZOMG McCain is the Fire Lord!

loquaciousmusic September 5, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Ironically enough, John McCain was nearly killed by Andrea Mitchell’s sweater balloons.

Cape Clod September 5, 2008 at 9:21 pm

Big Deal, Andrea. Try interviewing a Golden Lab who won’t let go of your microphone if you want to prove you’ve got some journalistic chops.

Rush September 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm

99 luft balloons

Jingo September 5, 2008 at 9:46 pm

[re=87385]S. Cullen Bonz[/re]: You were right they are condoms. This is another propaganda tool by the religious right who orchestrated the prophylactics in such a way as to appear as if they were attacking poor Andrea Mitchell. The real abuse did not begin until she stepped outside and was greeted by a hailstorm of birth-control pills. She ducked them bravely as she ran to her newsvan, but wiped out just yards from safety when she slipped on a slick of spermicidal lubricant. The obvious message is that contraceptives are dangerous. This complements their other message that women, young and old, should rejoice in accepting sperm into themselves, much like they should accept Jesus into themselves… umm, just not at the same time. Jesus ain’t one for settling down. He don’t want no little Jeeslets roaming around asking for money and miracles.

S. Cullen Bonz September 5, 2008 at 9:50 pm

[re=87500]Rush[/re]: Ah, 1983. Memories, memories…

S. Cullen Bonz September 5, 2008 at 9:52 pm

[re=87509]Jingo[/re]: Thank god they weren’t coat hangers showering down on her.

lawrenceofthedesert September 6, 2008 at 2:28 am

This entire avoidable episode began when Greenspan refused to take her to Chuck E. Cheese.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 6, 2008 at 5:07 am

Why doesn’t the next RNC just fucking do it live in a big vat of balls?

TGY September 6, 2008 at 6:29 am

[re=87589]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Greenspan fought inflation for a long time, too.

topshelfdogfood September 6, 2008 at 7:31 am
snig September 6, 2008 at 9:09 am

It was a promo for the upcoming “The Prisoner” movie

frankenliberal September 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

Actually, her husband, Allan Greenspan, arranged to have her snuffed out. He has a huge insurance policy with a “Death-by-Balloon rider” for treble damages.

TheRealJimbo September 6, 2008 at 11:51 am

Conventioneers were stabbing balloons with knives. She should be thankful she didn’t get shanked.

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