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Back to the old Fail-o-Meter!If only John McCain had learned about the Internet before he chose Sarah Palin — so much “cyber vetting” could’ve happened. Instead, a bunch of hungover libtard bloggers are using their favorite friend (the Internet) to dig up all kinds of half-ass semi-comical crimes committed by that beloved Alaskan anger-bear, Sarah Palin.

From the official Alaska state courts’ website, we have learned that our former GILF/VPILF is basically getting arrested all the time for dumb redneck bullshit, exactly like you’d expect:

  • In June of 1993, Sarah was charged with C/F W/O PHOTO ID — a charge that was later, suspiciously, dismissed. “C/F” stands for “Caribou Fucking.”
  • Just two days later, charges were filed against Sarah Palin for CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT, which actually translates to “criminal negligence fail register NT.” We don’t know what “NT” stands for — “Nutcase”? “Walnuts”? It probably involved destroying the environment.
  • And just a few years ago, in November 2004 when she was supposedly a responsible member of society with four kids, she was cited for the unforgivable snowbilly crime of TINTED WINDOWS, which is the inexplicable thing all rednecks do their vehicles, the illegal window tint film shit you buy down at the dubious car-stereo/rims shop.

Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Will P.” for finding these particular gems.

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  • apocalypsethen

    ok, here’s what’s going to happen.

    the obama campaign isn’t going to say shit about palin. (and she sure as hell isn’t going to take questions from the media.) but legal investigations and the wonkettes of the world will make sure that she gets a ton of negative exposure in the meantime.

    while all this is happening, the obama campaign will be kicking mccain in the nuts, I mean nut, on policy.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Sarah should be burned at the stake for these crimes. Not because of the crimes themselves, but because she should be burned at the stake.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I don’t know for sure, but “CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT” sounds like a crime against Microsoft.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I was so hoping for a prostitution charge!

  • Not_So_Much

    How about her clubbing baby seals out of season? And not for the fur — just cuz it’s fun!

    Do we have details on that yet?

  • Reefpilot

    CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT sounds racist to me.

  • KittyKatMan

    Failed to backup the Windows Registry? Fuck..she should be creamed.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I think this means a)she thinks she’s completely above the law & doesn’t have to comply with these pesky government rules like the peasants or b) she’s stupid as a bag of hammers & all that edumacation from those 6 colleges (Pan American Idaho University or whatever) was a total waste of Ma & Pa Kettle’s money. BTW: where were they at the RNCpollooza? I imagine she’d have dug them up if they were dead if they could score political points for her.

  • hatlesshead

    They’ve set Hillz on her snowbilly ass… she goes to Florida Monday.

  • Volumptuous

    [re=87391]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: She has lobbyist connections in the stake and fire industries, so fat chance!

  • columnv

    She is the president of petty crime and bubbly tint.

  • btwbfdimho

    [re=87401]hatlesshead[/re]: Another crime: one day she put a bumper sticker “run Hillary run”, but in the front side of her snowmobile.

  • Tawmn

    [re=87391]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: win.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=87401]hatlesshead[/re]: So the Biden VP pick is officially a FAIL!

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87390]apocalypsethen[/re]: duh.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87391]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: See: Scold, Common; See Also: Obnoxious Cunt.

  • Yukon

    One of those charges is for setting an unlit drift net, and the other (guessing) if for fishing without valid ID.

  • kellygrrrl

    ABC piece on Troopergate
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOBWZ7Jocc8&eurl=

    trooper was never fired
    boss was
    replaced with known sexual harasser
    when she was pressured about replacement – she let him go with $10,000 severance

  • kellygrrrl

    Window Tinting is obvs only for Meth Cookers

  • Canuckledragger

    While you’re at it, check out sister Heather Heath – the small business owner lauded by WALNUTS! & co. the other night – and you’ll find domestic violence [SHE was charged] and a shitload of small claims stuff.

    I’d look up all the Palins and Heaths and others in the extended family, but that’s why I gave up investigative journalism. I keep spilling my drink and my spliff goes out when I spend too much time Googling.

    A man’s gotta have his priorities straight, even if he’s not.

  • ReverendGreen

    [re=87401]hatlesshead[/re]: So far, Palin’s only proven she can deliver a hate-filled attack speech written by a Rove acolyte and put on a teleprompter. In other words, read. Hopefully Hillary can get nasty with her as soon as possible (she has no need to be above the fray) and get Palin to make a rookie mistake that will alienate the Hilltards or Americans in general. It’s a shame she’s being secluded and not forced to demonstrate her ignorance asap.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=87416]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]:
    Much like Hils’ Preznit campaign. Too soon?

  • ManchuCandidate

    All these charges prove that she’s a hick with an big ego and even bigger sense of entitlement.

    In simpler terms, a Repub.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87427]ReverendGreen[/re]: Hilz will be under strict orders to not throw down with the bitch. That would suck media away from “No Drama Obama” and his attacks on McNugget. Hilz is going to Florida to rile up the old Jews who need to hear about Palin’s Jews for Jesus connections. Hilz will get minimal national media.

  • passthearugula

    This Diddy blog has been a balm for my heart. Thank you, Sean Combs. Thank you for understanding.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-fC1T3zH5E

  • Vanity Smurf

    I get the feeling that Alaska must be what Texas would be like if it were only inhabited by the population of Lubbock. I guess that would make Wasilla Tulia (but without the innocent black people to imprison for drug crimes).

  • b9neglect

    Levi+Sarah=Trig

  • liquiddaddy

    I think a little further digging will find she’s here own grandma.

  • StrangelyBrown

    [re=87416]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Biden’s nomination is a fail only when you consider that it saved us from VP Mittens and 60 days of “too much change for America?” talk. Which makes it, on balance, a win…

    If you think there was a chance in hell of a Hillary-versus-Sarah VP debate, plz send ur drugs mai wai kthxbai.

  • EdWonk

    H.L. Mencken summarized the Republican battle strategy for the past few election cycle: “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”

    The Palin Pick is evidence that the Mencken’s quote is STILL the Republican Plan.

  • anabellum

    [re=87416]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: i might be willin to go there with ya…but i agree with ManchuCandidate, its too soon to tell…

    on the other hand id be very afraid if i thought Hillz the attack dog was after my ass…and i do think its a good thing to have an attack dog..

  • jstring

    God, I love snark…

  • NotthatLC

    Honestly, this week has provided so many jaw-droppers I’ve had to invest in a drool cup. Can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow! Thanks, John McCain!

  • LBOtomist

    I lurve you guys. Stumbled into a Charles Krauthammer op-ed (I know, you get what you wish for with that shit) and was so angry, depressed, homicidal I needed a STAT infusion of wonketeers to prevent a little bob novak style hit and run. And boom, here you guys are. Oh and sarah palin is the culmination of the arrogance, intellectual bankruptcy and general douchiness of the Rove Republican majority. Their collective FAIL cannot be sent to the “dustbin of history” fast enough. P.S. anyone else creeped out when WALNUTS! randomly closes his eyes, looks down and smiles maniacally during his speeches? Good, me neither.

  • obfuscator

    [re=87427]ReverendGreen[/re]: I would wager all the dollars that Palin’s convention speech was written by Mark Salter. He sooooooo hates Barry’s gutz. Apparently, Salter and McCain share some Insane Braveheart Code of Self-Flagellating Honor, and Barry meets none of their Standards for American Hero Status.

    http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=bb70e50e-58fb-4893-ac00-62b92a515161&p=1

    All of the Barry-bashing takes place on pages 4 and 5.

  • smellyal8r

    There will be so much more crapola to roll out about this woman. She is a redneck mom and redneck moms have all sorts of issues (guns going off accidentally, speeding, drinking, lettin’ her kids get into “trouble”) and any idiot journo with a microphone can find some other redneck mom to say, “she ain’t so bad. She’s jes like me.” Yes, she may be, but every redneck woman doesn’t deserve a place on a national political ticket that could potentially make her president when her ancient running mate keels over. I’d probably have less (only a little less) of a problem if Mittens had been the nominee and picked her since he seems more robust and likes being surrounded by wimmin (know what I’m sayin’?).

    That said, Barry’s going to have to leave a lot of the discussion of her “credentials” to surrogates like Hillz, Sebelius, Nepalitano, Pelosi, etc., and stick to simply repeating “Bush/McCain”. Biden also needs to hammer McCain and simply pretend this woman doesn’t exist until he debates her. The GOP spent three miserable days in the Midwest as the economy continued to tank and all they could do was talk about Veetnam. If Barry sticks to his message and actually spends time gettin’ with the people, he should win. A little “feel your pain” wouldn’t hurt either.

  • mocowbell

    In the end it’ll all come down to that missing pair of shoes with the cleats on the sole (or soul?)… “Leeeroy! Gimme back my shoes!”

  • Goose

    CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT sounds like killing wolf pups. It was illegal before she was made governor.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Whatever, none of this matters because Heart has just approved one of their songs for the McCain/Palin campaign’s use!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50dywtJ7csA

    The fat one’s hair looks mysteriously like Sarah Palin’s. Conspiracy theories, anyone?

  • DC Spring

    I so miss Hunter Thompson, and keep wistfully picturing him covering this race as if it was ’72, but you guys prove his memes metastisized.

    Platinum!

    CRIM NEG FAIL TINT = don’t bother knocking if the van is rocking.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87452]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I AM CALLING ALEX JONES RIGHT NOW

  • TexasCowGirl

    I still don’t know what the big deal is about his woman. She’s not nearly as hot as Barry. Oh sure she’s alright from the neck up, but can you imagine what she looks like after giving birth to 5 (4?) children? Cellulite City baby! Don’t the Rethugs know that us wimmin folk want some eye candy for the next 4-8 years? This trailer trash bitch is no match for the wondeful caramel delight that is Barry Obama. NO WAY, NO HOW, NOW WALNUTS!-PALIN!

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=87456]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Hehe, remember when I gave you the present of riling up the Paultards and 9/11 troofers on Gawker? Oh, wait. That was like yesterday.

    Did everyone see Sarah Palin’s music video? She’s not wearing glasses, and she doesn’t have her trademarked feathered hair, but I think it’s a terrific song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFEfmbAeEDY

    Also, her boobies look PRIMO.

  • Serolf Divad

    This site lists legal abbreviations, including CRIM, NEG, REG. They do not show anything for NT, they do show NTPW as “Non Paid Whiskey Tax.” I’m guessing that the state of Alaska abbreviates NTPW as NT, meaning that Palin was a moonshiner (sorta the 19th century version of a meth lab). But don’t tell the bitters, ’cause that’ll only make them like her all the more.

  • LittlePig

    CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT – Criminal Neglegence, Failure to register a New Testament.

    Alaskan take their Jebusin’ seriously.

  • donner_froh

    If the Dems do what they generally do–run a campaign that won’t offend anyone but also won’t give anyone a reason to vote for them–then some rich guys should put together a 527 and run ads stomping the crap out of this semi-literate snowbunny. She and her husband wouldn’t be able to handle all the mean things being said about her and would go crazy–or crazier. The Secret Service detail would have to guns with tranquilizer darts to bring them down. After the Tasers didn’t work.

  • AmericanValues

    OK Palin is EXACTLY like George Walter Bush. She’s a folksy, inexperienced, abortion hatin’, redneck governor that has just the kind of the sarcastic tone to put the Islamo-BLACKPERSON in his rightful place. I’m told lately that Barry committed the grievous CAPITAL CRIME of first degree uppitying while black.

  • Volumptuous

    Guys, guys guys… Look, I’m sure we’re all wrong on this. Sarah’s a nice christian cunt lady who’s just trying to destroy the world make things awesome for all jesus’ childwens.

  • Brian Mac

    Wellsir, one of them thar smartypants, atheist Jews done called Ms. Palin “Governer Yup Yup”:

    http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2008/09/05/maher_obama/

    Reckon he figures he know how to vote better’un us’uns!

  • Volumptuous

    [re=87466]Volumptuous[/re]: Damn the system!! no allowed?

  • Volumptuous

    [re=87466]Volumptuous[/re]: Guys, guys guys… Look, I’m sure we’re all wrong on this. Sarah’s a nice christian cunt lady who’s just trying to destroy the world make things awesome for all jesus’ childwens.

    (the joke is gone… i’m going home)

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=87420]Yukon[/re]: Yeah, and I think the last one is either for having a tinted fishnet in Bristol Bay out of season, or having too many tinted set nets in your SUV, or something. Christ, Alaska’s laws are much more fun than most places!

    I wonder now if she’s gonna keep flogging the “I was the daughter of poor commercial fisherfolk” bullshit, while “whoa, it’s Todd!” pulls down Big Oil BP money and she paid herself a pretty decent salary as Queen of Wasilla.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=87452]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Key-ryst, I woulda thought the song they picked was “Barracuda.”

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Okay, okay, okaaaaay……enuf about Plain Sarah, how about teh boyz, Trick and Levi??!!

    http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/09/track_and_sex_on_skates.html#photo=6

  • Strappo

    [re=87467]Brian Mac[/re]: Jewz R da best.

  • obfuscator

    AP is now reporting that Palin’s church is promoting one of “Pray the Gay Away” conferences. The conference is being conducted by the fine folks at Focus on the Family.

    http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jNQg39rgjbGe3663rXSnmIi4czCAD930SNQ01

  • Strappo

    David Brancaccio is cute.

    Other than that, he’s a fuckstick.

    I’m just sayin’.

  • Strappo

    [re=87471]DangerousLiberal[/re]: I thought her folks wuz teachahz. Not commercial fishahfoke.

  • RaptorAvatar

    This is all small time hick shit. However, it makes me wonder if she has her own version of The General Lee except for it’s a snowmobile with an Alaskan secessionist flag on the hood.

  • Strappo

    [re=87476]obfuscator[/re]: I’m gay and I’m for this. No more Judy. Ever.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=87392]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: If that were the case, then her body would be in a packing crate at the bottom of Puget Sound. And she would have no lipstick on either. Arf.

    PS: Why does she always look like she fell face first into the Five & Dime make-up counter. Even a Tijuana whore would be more circumspect in the application of facial paint.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Negligent failure to register and not talking? She does that all the time. The not talking part. Certainly no talking to the press without a script, no siree.

    Or, “no ticket.” Paid someone off. Per usual.

  • cal

    [re=87445]smellyal8r[/re]: None of you are reading the National Enquirer?

    Latest hot scoop/trash is that Caribou Barbie had an affair with her husband’s business partner.

    Is it true? Enquiring minds want to know!

  • apocalypsethen

    soooooo… the latest polling data are in at fivethirtyeight.com. and it appears that palin caused maybe a one-point swing in the polls. it’s possible that mccain’s speech last night will create a bigger bounce, but, gosh, how could he possibly top palin’s gettysburg address?

    again, the vp doesn’t win races and THIS vp isn’t having the effect that I think the gop had hoped she would. at least at this point.

  • obfuscator

    [re=87485]cal[/re]: I can’t wait to see the fundies and talk radio jackoffs try to negotiate this one. How will dismiss the story as tabloid trash so soon after they praised the Enquirer for being brave enough to break the John Edwards story?

  • obfuscator

    [re=87487]obfuscator[/re]: “How will THEY dismiss… “, dumbass!

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland
  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    [re=87485]cal[/re]: That would explain this morning’s Wonka Bulletin:
    http://wonkette.com/402580/good-bye-forever-st-paul-and-minneapolis

  • anabellum

    [re=87460]loquaciousmusic[/re]: watch it…thats Christina Amphlette in that video…who dare say say could whip Sarah Palen at mud wrestling any where, any time…

    in fact, if she were on the ticket id be voting Republican…

  • ReasonablePerson

    [re=87474]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: THREEWAY!!!!! Time to convert the mouthbreather boys to the gay way. If I hit it before the the “Pray the gay away” conference, will they be virgins again?

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    A friend just helped me out on this one: negligent failure to register NEW TASER. Makes perfect sense!

  • anabellum

    [re=87493]anabellum[/re]: note to self…read your comment before hitting the submit button…

    *who i dare say could…etc*

  • anabellum

    [re=87493]anabellum[/re]: perhaps lay off the wine as well?…

  • Jingo

    The criminal infractions are nothing really. The cryptic charges are simple minor offenses like a parking ticket. C/F stands for Carnal Filming and NT stands for Nude Talent. Apparently, before the meth industry was her state’s greatest exporter, the porn industry was looking to melt Alaska’s frigid reputation. Sarah, being the adroit businessperson she is, embraced the new commercial venture in her home town. Unfortunately, she was so eager to jump right in that she failed to register with the local film commission and obtain the proper ID to prove she was over 18. This is where she met Todd “the Dude in the Nude” Palin, just before he found religion and gave up doing boy/boy scenes.

    Sadly, the porn industry moved back to warm, sunny Southern California. Apparently, goose bumps were too much of a problem on video.

  • cal

    [re=87491]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: Yep, that looks like it. Can’t wait for that one to break.

    More laughs for us!

  • Political Addict

    Semi-seriously, the criminal negligence charge was fishing without a proper license on a boat. Politico had the story. Her sister had been captain of the boat, and said captain has to have a captain’s permit. Sarah Palin had her crew member’s permit. When her sister decided to stop fishing, Sarah took over but she had not upgraded to a captain’s permit.

    If you tell that story to a million guys in the midwest, they’re going to say, “You’re shittin me — she was runnin the boat?”

  • pixiestyx

    [re=87432]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Alaska is Texas, only with more land, fewer people and colder weather. Palin has big ol’ hair, too much makeup and too many kids, just like any typical Texas fundie/conservative.

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=87496]anabellum[/re]: That’s all right. You were touching yourself.

  • obfuscator

    [re=87506]Political Addict[/re]:

    The name of their boat? “The Seaward”.

  • pixiestyx

    [re=87460]loquaciousmusic[/re]: After 5 babies, her boobies are flapjacks.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Hey! What is up with her royal celebrity-ness Dame Sarah Twatwaffle not doing ANY press for the national press corps? I mean c’mon! Don’t want to offend her Sarahness!

  • smellyal8r

    [re=87525]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Nope. She’s staying low. She doesn’t want another round of questions that she cannot answer. And, actually, we don’t either. The longer she keeps this low media profile, the more her media folks have to keep defending why she’s not doing Meet the Press, etc. She knows she’s out of her depth on most everything and has to cram like hell for the October debate (10/2 is just around the corner). Piling on just pisses off the fence straddlers who thinks the mean old media is picking on this nice cast-off from Northern Exposure. I know that Bush/Quayle won in ’88 (I was actually at that convention). She’s no Dan Quayle. She has a better story is a much better public speaker, but she’s even more thin on experience. Shoving that in people’s faces will only make her look stronger. McCain is the issue. Scarborough this morning said that since WALNUTS speech didn’t blow the doors off the dump like hers did means this campaign is in trouble. “People still vote for the top of the ticket and he didn’t have a good night last night” Joe said, fully aware that his mic was open.

  • Delicious

    It’s amazing that the media do not see the obvious. She’s having the Obama honeymoon. Don’t know the guy, but he sure is attractive. Then, like in all relationships, you start to know the real person. The leg tingles are gone and Obama must prove himself everyday. Pretty soon Pretty Palin will land on terra firma and she will have to prove herself everyday. She’s not hiding because she doesn’t know shit. She’s in the bunker with the advisers trying to figure out foolproof answers to questions about things like the bridge to nowhere. That she can’t do that this Sunday shows how hard it will be. But she’ll be out there eventually spinning some BS the McCain folks hope will stick. See, they are the party of hope, too.

  • gliberal

    How about Trixie going to 6 colleges in 6 years? Majored in Disemboweling Helpless Animals. Hubby Thad or Tread or whatever holds the state snowmobile record. I would want to get as far away from her as fast as possible, too. I feel you Trod!

  • dorothyparker

    Speaking of six colleges in six years, just got off the phone with my ma, who loved Palin’s speech. She said that here’s someone from the University of Idaho who’s perfectly intelligent, and that she’s sick of all those Ivy league grads mucking things up. I proceeded to tell her that the girl went to a gazillion colleges before graduating, and my mom’s says, well, community colleges are good deals.

    Seriously, if I went to that many schools back in the day my ma would have killed me. But apparently she holds me to higher standards than a VP candidate.

    That is all.

  • Delicious

    [re=87535]dorothyparker[/re]: Ha! Less education is a good thing. Damn, in one stroke she has taken education off the table as an issue. Who needs that dern learnin’!

  • DC Spring

    Codes and secrets of the universe!

    Grant Lee Buffalo, modern Nostradamus, obviously, got this right years ago, with the angels descending and the disciples with artillery. Singing that lone star song…

    ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5v16s9mA6A&feature=related

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87535]dorothyparker[/re]: Your mother is a total cunt.

  • obamaslamma

    [re=87432]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Alaska is what Texas is like but colder and on the shitty Gulag flank of Russia.

  • Iheartputtytats

    [re=87521]pixiestyx[/re]: or fried eggs hanging on a nail…. just sayin…

    first time commenting – you guys give me hope for the future that maybe just maybe this is a bad dream and when I wake up Hopey will be Prez and McGramps will be a bad dream….

  • pixiestyx

    [re=87510]pixiestyx[/re]: SHIT! How could I forget GUNS?!?!? Let’s see: Texas=guns, Alaska=guns, therefore Texas=Alaska. And by correlation: Cheney=guns, Palin=guns, therefore Cheney=Palin (with a chromosomal and age difference, but what the heck, philosophical soulmates with regard to the 2nd amendment).

  • dorothyparker

    [re=87546]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Yeah, we live 1,000 miles apart now for what I think are obvious reasons.

    Besides, we can attribute a lot of our nation’s current trouble to Regent U. grads instead.

  • dorothyparker

    *troubles. Bleh, happy hour hasn’t worn off yet.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87554]pixiestyx[/re]: I actually think that’s an insult to Cheney.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    You fuckers keep talking about education and other things, but I’m the most drunk, so let me tell you a thing or tooos.
    Please enjoy this interesting video from a fuckhead.:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGxr_nnLbag&feature=related

    It is THE TELLING NATURE OF YOOS PEOPLE.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=87557]dorothyparker[/re]: Good sport. You can sit next to me any time.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87535]dorothyparker[/re]: Well ya know, we dun’t eeven know what dat crazy VP does! Eh?

  • nosnikreplliw

    I’m a criminal defense lawyer, so I can tell you officially about these crimes.
    The only people who get busted for failing to register are SEX OFFENDER RAPISTS.
    I suspect she was trafficking stolen eskimo bones to support her meth habit.
    The dumbest judge in the county where I practice graduated from Regent U Law School.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87460]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I think Walnuts should sue Heart for their violation of freedumb.

  • Beans

    I’m having a great time with Typhoon Sarah but I keep wishing the weird shit would roll out at one a day, not a half dozen or so new revelations daily about these people. I keep thinking (there I go again) the scandal well has to run dry before the November election.

    Then again, maybe not.

    I want more news about Mr. Pit Bull–Todd, Jeff, Thor, whatever Mr. Sarah is called. Is it just me, or does he look like a serial killer to anyone else?

    And, inevitably, will come the bombshell that “Fucking Hockey Dude, Man”–what Baby Daddy’s name is–and Bristol are second cousins. Then they can ask Rudy to be the Godfather.

    Look, I live in a state that borders the Ozarks. I know inbreds when I see them.

  • Jobbotch

    [re=87541]DC Spring[/re]: OMG this is one of my favorite lyrics ever. The second verse *alone* conflates crucifixion, Waco, Alamo and JFK’s assassination into some sort of ur-Texas storyline. “They nailed him down to a T, with a ‘T’ for Texas…”

  • The 3-Legged Man

    Am I the only one with Post Convention Depression disorder? It seems the horizon of Nov. 4 is so far off that there’s little reason to care about the daily minor revelations. I barely had a flicker of interest when they revealed that shit about how Palin admitted the kid was Bristol’s. I mean, who cares…..

  • Beans

    One other thing about America’s favorite wacky family: When Big Mama lets her hair down, she and her daughters only lack a poof on the top to look like the Children of the Corn women, aka the FLDS.

    And poor Bristol. They dress her as if she were Amish, perhaps to trick us all into thinking she’s virginal–of heart, if not of hymen.

    Bill Maher had a still of Walnuts eyeing his veep’s ass yet again–this time in her power suit. Is anyone on his campaign ever going to watch something besides Fox News so they can get a glimpse of what the rest of us are seeing?

    Speaking of Children of the Corn, that weird undulating green background behind Sen. POW made me feel like I was in the twilight zone with him, as if watching the Xian fundamentalists trying to pretend they gave a shit about the top of their ticket wasn’t creepy enough.

  • Texas2Step

    [re=87392]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I think the NT stands for “No Ticket”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87576]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Fuck you troll. There is nothing wrong with anything at this point for the dirty sodomizing libruls. There was something of a mistake in that there-one-ya-just-done there propagated typing (a secretary I hope). Beyond the dirty libtards with their sodomized Jeebus and their mission to destroy ‘merica, your comment was not only not funny, but kinda dumb stupid shit fuck me in the ass not funny.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87577]Beans[/re]: THE COMET STRYKZ MEE! AS INTROTESTING BUT I DO NOT CALVINUCATE YOUR EGGSACT POIN UV VU.
    And I am also drunk with the blood of the unbelievers.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87577]Beans[/re]: (I am really sorry about this.)
    Without speaking bias, you are a dumbfuck of the highest order. I’m sorry, but you are exemplary sack of shit. You are literally retarded in the worst way possible for man, because man will waste tax dollars on your retardation.

  • AxmxZ

    “CRIM NEG FAIL REG NT”? Is that a citation for a misdemeanor or the names of five more Palin kids?

  • mcgeorge

    Obama just needs to be like the whitest duo in all of NBA history: John Stockton and Karl Malone. Pick and Roll. Bush is McCain. Pick and Roll, motherfucker. Slam it down everyone’s throat until people get a gag reflex in rush hour. Until Dennis Kucinich is all like, “OK, I get it!” Go past slogan, past overexposed, past cool-cause-it’s-uncool, past dustbin of history, back to undiscovered gem. Say it until it becomes a naughty name for an impossible sex trick, like the Donkey Punch, so it’s too dirty to tell the kids (who will want to find out more about it and tell each other in the basement while mom’s at Target). Say it until it becomes a regional greeting like “Aloha” or “Ciao.” Have contests at Coney Island to see who can say it the most times in a minute, and read about it in the Oddities section of the newspaper when a little Japanese guy does it once again. Make a song that they play at the stadium every time your favorite closing pitch runs out of the bullpen. Hire George W. Bush and have him say it. Say it until humans actually lose the evolutionary function to pronounce “Pa” and “Lin” in sequence. Get Rovian on the court: truth=x to the nth degree, regardless of what x is. Pick and Roll. Then win.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=87586]mcgeorge[/re]: With a bit of the ol’ editing, you deserve a fucking Pulitzer for that. Win.

  • The 3-Legged Man

    [re=87580]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’ll see if I can decipher that to see if you’re maybe having the Palin Detumescent Syndrome. Very common. Cindy McCain was similarly puzzled.

  • gurukalehuru

    I think we can all agree that C/F probably does indicate caribou fucking. Therefore, the ultimate meaning of Glasses McScreechyvoice’s criminal record hinge on the definition of “NT”. Nuclear Taco? Naughty Titties? New Testament? Nutz (Truck)? Noogie Tickler? Nazi Testimonials? Nude Treadmill? Nasty Trailer?

  • mackensie

    Well, there’s this:
    http://www.laprogressive.com/2008/09/05/alaskans-speak-in-a-frightened-whisper-palin-is-%E2%80%9Cracist-sexist-vindictive-and-mean%E2%80%9D/

    “Sambo beat the bitch”

    Don’t like it lower 48? Well, that just the way we roll up here.

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=87464]donner_froh[/re]: I thing one of the reasons the Republicans scheduled their convention for 09/01/08 to 09/04/08 is that 09/04/08 is the break off point for 527’s and their use in political campaigns. Sixty days before a federal election, the IRS code of 527’s forbids them from mentioning a candidate who is up for election. This taboo cost the Swift Boat Liars $500,000 in fines from the FEC. Of course they merely declared backruptcy a few months before and re-emerged as the “Swift Boat Something or Other” and never paid the fine. And the fine (only action the FEC could take as they can’t impose an injuction) didn’t get levied until late summer 2007.

  • TGY

    CRIMINAL FAIL!

  • Bramlet Abercrombie

    [re=87585]AxmxZ[/re]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

  • Itsjustme

    [re=87448]Goose[/re]: Maybe she failed to register her 9th tat?

  • Itsjustme

    [re=87554]pixiestyx[/re]: But…do Alaskans have as few teeth as Texans?

  • liveyourlive

    One Anne Kilkeeny who lives in Wassila and has known Sarah Palin for 16 years has sent out an email detailing exactly who Sarah really is. The picture is even-handed, yet disturbing. It depicts a woman who is administratively incompetent, anything but transparent, and vindictive. You can find the letter on twoguysspoutingoff on blogspot. http://twoguysspoutingoff.blogspot.com/

  • snig

    [re=87427]ReverendGreen[/re]: You misjudge. The teleprompter spelled tricky words phonetically, so she had less chance of sounding like a moran. No known proof of literacy as yet.

  • jerryw

    [re=87465]AmericanValues[/re]:

    It’s George Walker Bush, like his daddy George Herbert Walker Bush,
    the asshole that preceded him. You might want to note that it’s not
    a coincidence that their high kicking asshole friend Chuck Norris
    chose the name “Walker, Texas Ranger” for his t.v. show, even using
    the name of the worst baseball team to ever play in Texas, one of
    GeeDubs many money losing ventures.

    more about gw the draft dodger
    http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/a-new-olympic-event/

  • snig

    C/F is Coquettish Fascist. N/T is Neoconservative Tyrant.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=87586]mcgeorge[/re]: win-win-win. Bush=McCain.

  • Schadenfried

    Does this mean she’s going to be on Snapped? Oh, wait, she’d have to kill someone first.

  • V572625694

    So it works now? Great!

  • V572625694

    [re=87672]V572625694[/re]: Now if only we could post pictures!http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s278/nnnnnnnicoleeeee/hippies.jpg

  • vicuna
  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=87650]Schadenfried[/re]: Give it time…that story will surface

  • JKerouac

    If elected, maybe Sarah will hunt Iraqis via helicopter.

    Pvt. Joker: How can you shoot innocent women and children like that?

    Sarah: It’s easy. You just don’t lead them as much. You see, anyone that runs, is a terrorist or liberal. Anyone that stands still is well disciplined. Ain’t war hell?

  • regisgoat

    So, there is this young girl who is like a niece to my wife and I–we’ve known her since she was a toddler. She moved down south where the conservatives hold sway, and I knew she was headed that way, so this wasn’t a surprise out of nowhere…but…she posts on her blog “I believe women don’t belong in politics, which is why I was opposed to Hilary. But seeing Sarah Palin speak changed my mind!”
    I swear to God I was having nightmares last night where I was trying to control my temper while writing her back: “What about Elizabeth 1? What about Queen Victoria?” I blame Governor Gidget for really bringing out new reservoirs of dumbness in the US, faster than anyone could have imagined. She’s like some primordial beast they chipped out of the ice, like The Thing.

  • pixiestyx

    [re=87559]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Touche! Perhaps it’s less an insult to Dick and more an undeserved compliment to Gov. Snowbilly. But with the racist slur and mean/vindictive revelations, I think that’s even more proof that Palin=Cheney. Maybe she’s his love child. Eeuuww…

  • JKerouac

    [re=87701]regisgoat[/re]: Yeah, and what about Kay Bailey Hutchinson? Oh wait…even as a Republican, she’s pro choice. That won’t work for McCain. So the Republicans are forsaking a female politician with hardcore Washinton experience to a bookish MILF that old neocon men jack off over. Wait…I did it too. Does that mean I’m an honorary neocon? Sorry. Couldn’t help it.

  • MegaJoy007

    Just got here!!!

  • MegaJoy007

    [re=87395]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

    ha ha ha ha

  • regisgoat

    [re=87791]JKerouac[/re]: If Nanookie wasn’t so weirdly sexy despite being so bottomlessly horrible, I doubt if she’d have got so much wrath on the I-net. I mean, she’d be a great on a camping trip, as long as you could guarantee she wouldn’t say anything about politics or her evil Jesus.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=87432]Vanity Smurf[/re]: To all y’all (I larned how to say that growin up in Alaska) commenting on how Alaska=Texas: It’s sad, but true. It might as well be Texas.

    Ya see, then one day came the bubblin’ crude, in job lots (not the pissy little bit of oil on the Kenai peninsula that was good for making just eough jet fuel and gas-o-leen for the Dodge Powerwagon), and next thing you know Anchorage is Houston’s northern most suburb. Nothing funnier than an oil rapist in cowboy boots falling on his flatlander ass on a slippery Anchorage sidewalk when it’s -10 outside. Anyway, before the Texahomans became a majority, a popular bumper sticker was “Happiness is a Texan leaving the state with an Okie under each arm.” Then the rest of ’em moved up and brought shopping malls and country music and their worthless politics, the end.

    Fun fact: Alaska’s admission to the union was resisted by the GOP ’cause it was a solidly Democratic state (owing to the then territory having the federal feedbag superglued to its face). So Hawaii was let in as a solid R state (Dole and Castle and Cook still owned all the pineapples and politics) and it all balanced out, except it didn’t.

  • markyze

    The C/F W/O PHOTO ID is easy to find in the Alaska Administrative Code:

    “20 AAC 05.115. Personal identification required
    Any person who is in possession of an interim-use, or entry permit card issued by the commission shall, upon request of any fish purchaser, or any officer authorized by the state to enforce this chapter, present personal identification as required by AS 16.10.267 (a)(2) to establish that the card is in the possession of the person to whom it was issued.”

    No smoking gun by any standard.

  • brenner

    I think they’re called “chillbillies.”

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=88087]markyze[/re]: ‘fish purchaser’ would be Todd Palin, correct?

  • Bernie Madeoff

    “This is a test.”:www.wonkette.com

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