Wonkette
All we see is some old man with a big green screen behind him. *Hopefully* this isn’t what the McCain people decided would be a good idea, which it wouldn’t, for the second time. Oh God now the screen just got “smoky” green like death! Now it’s blue! Code Pink! COUNTRY FIRST.
9:30 CT — This speech will last at least seven or nine hours. He reads slower than anyone else on earth, even illiterate people, and he keeps getting interrupted by Code Pink gals who are then tackled to the cement steps by Secret Service agents. Then everyone shouts USA USA for a few seconds and whiff, poof, another few words of Speech before it happens all over again. God Bless America, this naive wonder of ours.
9:31 — John McCain fights for some random couple, “Bill” and his wife “Sue.” Ha, someone behind me just went “Wow” when he heard that Sue works three jobs. Who knew? Maybe we should give her some government programs and shit if that’s the case.
9:32 — “We let Washington change us.” Oh God, now he’s insulting his own party, “some Republicans” who were corrupt. Oh don’t be so modest, Walnuts — it was all Republican, except you, The Maverick Sun King of Sedona.
9:33 — Now he’s saying that our Latina daughters are “all Americans.” No, they’re Illegals from one of the 70 or 80 Mexicos across the globe. Just because *you* have a Latina daughter from Bangladesh, Walnuts, doesn’t mean we all should like Mexicans.
9:37 — Obama will raise taxes on YOU, the mouth-breather. He will also put a bureaucrat — let’s call him, say, Mr. Gay Pants The Bureaucrat — between you and your doctor, who will be NAKED under an Obama administration.
9:39 — Who’s winning the football game? The Knickerbockers or the Reds?
9:41 — Now he calls education the “civil rights struggle of the 21st century.” Does that mean that when a famous teacher’s birthday is proposed as a federal holiday, he will veto it? Yes, because of the blacks.
9:43 — Blah blah blah economy, let’s talk about The New Oils.
9:44 — “We’ll attack the problem on every front.” THIS IS WHY YOU SCARE US, Firebomb McWarpants.
9:45 — One of those protester gals looked kinda cute. Maybe. And now she’s in Gitmo, forever, or dead. Both.
9:48 — Hmm, what is this Russia of which he speaks? This Russia character apparently has been invading oil-rich nations with the bonus psychotic idea of intimidating neighbor nations. But, well, mostly the oil. Silly weird country, “Russia.”
9:50 — He’s like, I will not send Young People To Die for no good reason. And yet… just… and yet.
9:53 — “I’ve been an imperfect servant to my country… but I’ve always been a servant.” Or something. Well, as long as he’s been serving for X number of years, those “imperfections” just kinda become “stories we laugh about later.”
9:55 — Ooh, apparently he crashed a plane in Vietnam once.
9:56 — When he woke with two broken arms, a crowd of angry people was looking at him. “AND THAT WAS JUST THIS MORNING!” He shouts, everyone goes nuts. “SOME GORILLA WAS RAPIN’ OL’ CINDYPANTS HERE.” Crowd goes… insane.
9:58 — When he was in Jail, in the War, his country adopted him from his father. AND THEN HE SAW A GORILLA RAPIN’ BARRY OBAMA IN THE STREET and that’s why Obama cannot be president, so help me God.
10:01 — He just told us to “teach an illiterate adult to read.” No silly, that’s the Welfare State’s job! And then he mentions a few other ways in which you can put Country Above Self. Basically, they read like a job description for a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago.
10:03 — He just babbled for a full minute about “never giving up,” and everyone clapped like trained monkeys for no reason. What was the last minute of his speech? Maybe he crapped his pants and was just trying to get some help.
10:04 — Well, that was fine. To be quite honest, it was classier than what we’d expected — now, of course, he has that “pitbull” to say the crabby stuff. This works for him. Goodnight, Walnuts.
…I demand more Code Pinkers!
Hot Code Pink gals?
FIVE AND A HALF BACKGROUNDS, ALLEN!!! FIVE AND A HALF BACKGROUNDS!!!
Fuck, I hate that “fake gentle” voice that politicians use when they talk about their anecdotal families that they will never care about after tonight. That voice. It haunts me.
Thank God for the blue screen. We can make the speech interesting in post.
They have to shout USA USA USA! To make the speech seem less like Captain Koon’s watch-up-the-ass story in Pulp Fiction.
BTW - Has Tom Ridge been spending too much time on the tanning bed or are we at orange alert?
And who is taking all the protestors out? Security? Concerned citizens? Members of the Wasilla Militia? Hockey moms who don’t have lipstick? Who?
BACK TO BASICS = $$$$$$$$$$
Oh, this is rich. In the primary debates McCain stood on stage and laughed, rolled his eyes, and made rude comments every time Ron Paul spoke.
So far tonight, FOUR TIMES he has quoted Ron Paul word for word. Without attribution, of course. Asshole.
He says he fought for all these specific people, but he doesn’t say one thing he did for them, other than use them in a speech.
…Wow, so Obama is the candidate of big oil? Not the man who received 2 million dollars in donations from big oil or the woman married to an oil rig worker?
McCain/Palin — Change that will stay the course.
…open markets = we rip you off and you deal with it!
was it just us or did his voice just go out of sync with his lips?!
Applause died down a bit on the Latina daughter of migrant worker thing. Back up to loud applause with the anti-abortion thing.
I am, literally, falling asleep. WALNUTS! speaks in a droning monotone that inspires nothing so much in me as a desire to take a little nap.
Forget Palin - can you imagine this seething cauldron of lassitude giving a State of the Union speech, or conducting talks with foreign leaders?
I am not an ageist, but dear Cthulhu, this man is too old to be the President of the United States.
we believe in santa clause
We believe in people keeping their fruits…
“A culture of life..” what does that mean?! [vomit]
Hey, shithead, it’s a conservative Court!
A culture of a life. What???
We believe in in judges who dispense justice impartially…WHAT????
…would I be called presumptuous if called this a shitty speech!
McCain is anti-adoption… he believes we must keep the fruits of our labor.
“Legislate from the bench” is different than “rule on the constitutionality of a given law being challenged in the courts”. No?
9:32 — “We let Washington change us.” Oh God, now he’s insulting his own party, “some Republicans” who were corrupt. Oh don’t be so modest, Walnuts — it was all Republican, except you, The Maverick Sun King of Sedona.
Best live blog of the week. And it is hard to be corrupted by the lobbyist when you are busy filling your campaign with them.
OMFG, this booing thing is SO pathetic.
He’s bombing! He’s bombing! Not literally, but give him time!!
More than half an hour and not a specific mention of what he’s going to do. Oh — my opponent will raise taxes. Wow.
I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I so believe in spooks…
He had me barfing at “Cindy is my inspiration.”
Also, his dentures whistle.
I think his tech guys made a deal with Colbert, give me green screen and you’re cool.
The blue screen works too so go at it people!
Is that five lies or six? I lost count.
i will feed children while my opponent will eat them
“Where a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor”
Boooo!
“Except Abortion doctors!”
Yaaaay! USA USA USA
…yeah, lets cut corporate taxes more! Lord knows that CEO’s need bigger pay checks!
They’re mad good at booing though.
Johnny Mac has totally gone over to the other side, all the fucking Heritage Foundation cliches about economics. He doesn’t understand what the fuck he’s saying. Dipshit.
UASSHOLE UASSHOLE UASSHOLE!
Dear God. Remember when the Republicans were the party of ideas?
Where’s the beef? “I’m going to make things perfect. Won’t tell you how, but cutting taxes will make everything just fine, especially if you make over five million.”
Yeah, what’s this “dispense justice impartially” dogwhistle for, exactly?
BARACK OBAMA IS KING OF WISHES
As a former resident of a country with true socialized medicine, can I say that I never had a bureaucrat standing in the way between me and my doctor. Unless, he was the previous guy in line, of course.
How many pts was the dow down today?
God, he’s a bad speaker.
…and with the comment he just lost Michigan!
There ain’t going to be any markets to invest in, John. After Sarah opened her mouth, the markets tanked. Coincidence? I think not.
AngryBlakGuy: no. AND uninspired. And cliched. AND utter bullshit.
OLD MAN CAN’T TALK.
COMMUNITY colleges? I hope no COMMUNITY organizers are involved with that effort.
Oh, good — he’s gonna cut unmemployment insurance. Have fun picking through the trash, AFL-CIO workers!
No, AngryBlakGuy, you would be called ‘uppity’.
Wait, did he just say he was going to offer *lower-paying* jobs to Americans??
How gracious!
We will wave a magic wand and provide happiness for all who are selfish enough to stand on the shoulders of others.
actually, John, civil rights is still the civil rights issue of this century.
AngryBlakGuy: I kinda went HUH?? on that one too.
Wow…did he just tell people they can expect to get lower paying jobs in his administration?
Well sign me up!
Now on to schools and red meat for the voucher crowd. Know-nothing idiots.
What the fuck is this old coot talking about??
Oh, yeah. GO after the bad teachers. That’s the problem with our schools. Teachers are just SO lazy.
Christ he looks orange next to that blue screen. I kind of wish the protesters had let him fuck this up on his own, because really it is pathetic but now he has an excuse.
hurry up i’m almost out of beer
“What is the value of access to a failing school?”
Spoken like a legacy admission to a $40,000 a year private prep school.
haha, blame the teachers. That certainly worked for Bob Dole.
yes, it’s true…code pink is back…UASSHOLE UASSHOLE UASSHOLE!
Competition in teaching. Right. “Choice” Another abuse of language. {vomit again]
Yay for Choice!
Oh, not that kind of choice.
Choice in school…like believing Jesus walked with the dinosaurs and big oil.
Um, hey, so… did I miss something, or can parents not send their kids to public, private, or charter schools now? Also, home-schooling? I’m sure that the poor don’t have that choice currently, but McCain’s certainly not going to offer that to poor people.
haha.. McCain stumbled over “student, parents” because he was thinking “student parents”, or Bristol as her mother calls her.
AnnieGetYourFun: actually i hate that old man shakey voice. that will likely keep me awake again tonight just like shrillbillie snow voice kept me awake LAST night
i cannot wait for this to end.
can’t talk express
proj ect. Damn, the string keeps getting stuck.
Can someone send out Sarah Palin to find those Styrofoam columns so that there is something behind McCain so id doesn’t look like he is waiting for Jar Jar Binks to show up.
He’s not really used to the teleprompter, is he? Back in the box, old man!
…why does he insist on flashing that hideous, twisted Frankenstein grin?!?!?!
I don’t have cable. Has the stroke happened yet?
Oh noes! We is stop sending teh moneez to Armenia?
Vandy blocked a kick, and are on the 11, running, on the 1 yard line! Fuck you, Spurrier!
Oh, that was sweet! Pan of the crowd, and someone’s checking his BlackBerry! Probably donating to Hopey.
oh God…drilldrilldrilldrill is coming
Um…isn’t some of that 700 Billion going to Iraq who you like very much Walnuts?
Oh god. I panicked when he said attack.
We’ll stop sending money to countries that don’t like us and our vindictive attitude will be blessed by Jeebus.
we. will. drill. new wells. off. shore
killer delivery, oldie.
God, jumping form topic to topic, it’s like listening to Mary Kate Olsen at 4am.
yes, stop aiding those who don’t like you. but yank the $ fast or they might think it’s personal
Nuclear power plants??? Not in my back yard!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
…clean coal is like saying a virgin slut.
TOUCHDOWN! 17-10 Vandy!
electric and hybrid vehicles…” [crickets]
AnnieGetYourFun: CBS showed the Kentucky crowd sitting on their hands for the Latina daughters, but got their mojo back for the “keeping more of you money” line.
“We’ll produce more… en-er-gy at home… We’ll drill! new! wells! And we’ll drill them naaaow!”
John, I’ve been a teacher for 7 years in Brownsville, Brooklyn. Every student, teacher, and parent in our school will be voting for Obama. So leave us out of it. Thanks.
Gambler McCain’s tell is that he blinks when he’s bluffing
All right, education, which the Republicans insist is a local issue, will be taken over by John McCain (at no expense, since he is cutting all taxes). And this leads us into drill hear, drill now.
Plus drilling now will help the enviroment.
Drill Here! Drill Now!
We’ll drill wells offshore now? Okay — exploratory wells. After we do seismic studies. And we’ll start drilling after a rig is freed up. And of course it’ll have to sit around waiting for a refinery. So by “now,” I mean ten years from now.
Um, does he not get that the global economy is directly tied to cheap oil, and once that’s gone, so is the global economy?
Why did I just ask that?
“I will lower your taxes by making you take a lower paying job.”
This is ugly and pathetic in every way, physically and metaphorically.
yes and we’re going to do it all with a record deficit
DoctorCulturae: TRUTH IS LIES, baby.
…WALNUTS! just hacked 4 points off his poll numbers with this beaut of speech!
Did he just say he was going to get energy from the tide?
Is that for real, or did I just make that up?
“Why not drill in Yellowstone — WHO NEEDS IT, MY FRIENDS?”
“It’s an ambitious plan…”
But hell — if we can send a man to Mars, we can find oil where there isn’t any.
From the audience reaction, I’m pretty sure this election is about three things:
1. Drilling for something.
2. Uppity nigrahs.
3. Retarded babies.
He always looks really surprised when people cheer. What a sad old man.
I don’t know whether McCain is pausing for applause or to use his oxygen tank.
Having trouble with that old teleprompter, John? Darn newfangled technology!
I think people are just sleep-clapping now.
What a skeevy twerp. “It’s time to show again how Americans lead.” Like the last 8 years. This is so stoopid my brain is hurting. Pleeze.2.Make.To.Stop.Soon.