FOOTBALL'S ON ANOTHER CHANNEL  10:31 pm September 4, 2008

Liveblogging The End Of John ‘Walnuts’ McCain’s Address To Outer Space

by Jim Newell

All we see is some old man with a big green screen behind him. *Hopefully* this isn’t what the McCain people decided would be a good idea, which it wouldn’t, for the second time. Oh God now the screen just got “smoky” green like death! Now it’s blue! Code Pink! COUNTRY FIRST.

9:30 CT — This speech will last at least seven or nine hours. He reads slower than anyone else on earth, even illiterate people, and he keeps getting interrupted by Code Pink gals who are then tackled to the cement steps by Secret Service agents. Then everyone shouts USA USA for a few seconds and whiff, poof, another few words of Speech before it happens all over again. God Bless America, this naive wonder of ours.
9:31 — John McCain fights for some random couple, “Bill” and his wife “Sue.” Ha, someone behind me just went “Wow” when he heard that Sue works three jobs. Who knew? Maybe we should give her some government programs and shit if that’s the case.
9:32 — “We let Washington change us.” Oh God, now he’s insulting his own party, “some Republicans” who were corrupt. Oh don’t be so modest, Walnuts — it was all Republican, except you, The Maverick Sun King of Sedona.
9:33 — Now he’s saying that our Latina daughters are “all Americans.” No, they’re Illegals from one of the 70 or 80 Mexicos across the globe. Just because *you* have a Latina daughter from Bangladesh, Walnuts, doesn’t mean we all should like Mexicans.
9:37 — Obama will raise taxes on YOU, the mouth-breather. He will also put a bureaucrat — let’s call him, say, Mr. Gay Pants The Bureaucrat — between you and your doctor, who will be NAKED under an Obama administration.
9:39 — Who’s winning the football game? The Knickerbockers or the Reds?
9:41 — Now he calls education the “civil rights struggle of the 21st century.” Does that mean that when a famous teacher’s birthday is proposed as a federal holiday, he will veto it? Yes, because of the blacks.
9:43 — Blah blah blah economy, let’s talk about The New Oils.
9:44 — “We’ll attack the problem on every front.” THIS IS WHY YOU SCARE US, Firebomb McWarpants.
9:45 — One of those protester gals looked kinda cute. Maybe. And now she’s in Gitmo, forever, or dead. Both.
9:48 — Hmm, what is this Russia of which he speaks? This Russia character apparently has been invading oil-rich nations with the bonus psychotic idea of intimidating neighbor nations. But, well, mostly the oil. Silly weird country, “Russia.”
9:50 — He’s like, I will not send Young People To Die for no good reason. And yet… just… and yet.
9:53 — “I’ve been an imperfect servant to my country… but I’ve always been a servant.” Or something. Well, as long as he’s been serving for X number of years, those “imperfections” just kinda become “stories we laugh about later.”
9:55 — Ooh, apparently he crashed a plane in Vietnam once.
9:56 — When he woke with two broken arms, a crowd of angry people was looking at him. “AND THAT WAS JUST THIS MORNING!” He shouts, everyone goes nuts. “SOME GORILLA WAS RAPIN’ OL’ CINDYPANTS HERE.” Crowd goes… insane.
9:58 — When he was in Jail, in the War, his country adopted him from his father. AND THEN HE SAW A GORILLA RAPIN’ BARRY OBAMA IN THE STREET and that’s why Obama cannot be president, so help me God.
10:01 — He just told us to “teach an illiterate adult to read.” No silly, that’s the Welfare State’s job! And then he mentions a few other ways in which you can put Country Above Self. Basically, they read like a job description for a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago.
10:03 — He just babbled for a full minute about “never giving up,” and everyone clapped like trained monkeys for no reason. What was the last minute of his speech? Maybe he crapped his pants and was just trying to get some help.
10:04 — Well, that was fine. To be quite honest, it was classier than what we’d expected — now, of course, he has that “pitbull” to say the crabby stuff. This works for him. Goodnight, Walnuts.

 
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{ 467 comments }

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:32 pm

…I demand more Code Pinkers!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:32 pm

Hot Code Pink gals?

StripesAndPlaids September 4, 2008 at 10:33 pm

FIVE AND A HALF BACKGROUNDS, ALLEN!!! FIVE AND A HALF BACKGROUNDS!!!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:34 pm

Fuck, I hate that “fake gentle” voice that politicians use when they talk about their anecdotal families that they will never care about after tonight. That voice. It haunts me.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:35 pm

Thank God for the blue screen. We can make the speech interesting in post.

vicuna September 4, 2008 at 10:35 pm

They have to shout USA USA USA! To make the speech seem less like Captain Koon’s watch-up-the-ass story in Pulp Fiction.

Jerk Cade September 4, 2008 at 10:35 pm

BTW – Has Tom Ridge been spending too much time on the tanning bed or are we at orange alert?

StripesAndPlaids September 4, 2008 at 10:35 pm

And who is taking all the protestors out? Security? Concerned citizens? Members of the Wasilla Militia? Hockey moms who don’t have lipstick? Who?

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm

BACK TO BASICS = $$$$$$$$$$

accidental_tourist September 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm

Oh, this is rich. In the primary debates McCain stood on stage and laughed, rolled his eyes, and made rude comments every time Ron Paul spoke.

So far tonight, FOUR TIMES he has quoted Ron Paul word for word. Without attribution, of course. Asshole.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm

He says he fought for all these specific people, but he doesn’t say one thing he did for them, other than use them in a speech.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm

…Wow, so Obama is the candidate of big oil? Not the man who received 2 million dollars in donations from big oil or the woman married to an oil rig worker?

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

McCain/Palin — Change that will stay the course.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

…open markets = we rip you off and you deal with it!

Grouchy Marxist September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

was it just us or did his voice just go out of sync with his lips?!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

Applause died down a bit on the Latina daughter of migrant worker thing. Back up to loud applause with the anti-abortion thing.

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

I am, literally, falling asleep. WALNUTS! speaks in a droning monotone that inspires nothing so much in me as a desire to take a little nap.

Forget Palin – can you imagine this seething cauldron of lassitude giving a State of the Union speech, or conducting talks with foreign leaders?

I am not an ageist, but dear Cthulhu, this man is too old to be the President of the United States.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

we believe in santa clause

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

We believe in people keeping their fruits…

“A culture of life..” what does that mean?! [vomit]

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

Hey, shithead, it’s a conservative Court!

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:38 pm

A culture of a life. What???

We believe in in judges who dispense justice impartially…WHAT????

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:38 pm

…would I be called presumptuous if called this a shitty speech!

iwillsavethispatient September 4, 2008 at 10:38 pm

McCain is anti-adoption… he believes we must keep the fruits of our labor.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:38 pm

“Legislate from the bench” is different than “rule on the constitutionality of a given law being challenged in the courts”. No?

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:38 pm

9:32 — “We let Washington change us.” Oh God, now he’s insulting his own party, “some Republicans” who were corrupt. Oh don’t be so modest, Walnuts — it was all Republican, except you, The Maverick Sun King of Sedona.

Best live blog of the week. And it is hard to be corrupted by the lobbyist when you are busy filling your campaign with them.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

OMFG, this booing thing is SO pathetic.

Sonic Former Youth September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

He’s bombing! He’s bombing! Not literally, but give him time!!

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

More than half an hour and not a specific mention of what he’s going to do. Oh — my opponent will raise taxes. Wow.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I so believe in spooks…

Serolf Divad September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

He had me barfing at “Cindy is my inspiration.”

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

Also, his dentures whistle.

upperleft September 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm

I think his tech guys made a deal with Colbert, give me green screen and you’re cool.
The blue screen works too so go at it people!

j6n September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Is that five lies or six? I lost count.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

i will feed children while my opponent will eat them

vicuna September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

“Where a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor”

Boooo!

“Except Abortion doctors!”

Yaaaay! USA USA USA

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

…yeah, lets cut corporate taxes more! Lord knows that CEO’s need bigger pay checks!

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

They’re mad good at booing though.

Johnny Mac has totally gone over to the other side, all the fucking Heritage Foundation cliches about economics. He doesn’t understand what the fuck he’s saying. Dipshit.

Floggy Bottom September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

UASSHOLE UASSHOLE UASSHOLE!

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Dear God. Remember when the Republicans were the party of ideas?

Where’s the beef? “I’m going to make things perfect. Won’t tell you how, but cutting taxes will make everything just fine, especially if you make over five million.”

Chuckie Jesus September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Yeah, what’s this “dispense justice impartially” dogwhistle for, exactly?

Davidwatts September 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm

BARACK OBAMA IS KING OF WISHES

iwillsavethispatient September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

As a former resident of a country with true socialized medicine, can I say that I never had a bureaucrat standing in the way between me and my doctor. Unless, he was the previous guy in line, of course.

WeDeserveThisFate September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

How many pts was the dow down today?

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

God, he’s a bad speaker.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

…and with the comment he just lost Michigan!

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

There ain’t going to be any markets to invest in, John. After Sarah opened her mouth, the markets tanked. Coincidence? I think not.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

[re=85883]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: no. AND uninspired. And cliched. AND utter bullshit.

filmsoncon September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

OLD MAN CAN’T TALK.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

COMMUNITY colleges? I hope no COMMUNITY organizers are involved with that effort.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm

Oh, good — he’s gonna cut unmemployment insurance. Have fun picking through the trash, AFL-CIO workers!

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

No, AngryBlakGuy, you would be called ‘uppity’.

Liquid September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Wait, did he just say he was going to offer *lower-paying* jobs to Americans??
How gracious!

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

We will wave a magic wand and provide happiness for all who are selfish enough to stand on the shoulders of others.

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

actually, John, civil rights is still the civil rights issue of this century.

lilblackcorvette September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

[re=85853]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I kinda went HUH?? on that one too.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Wow…did he just tell people they can expect to get lower paying jobs in his administration?
Well sign me up!

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Now on to schools and red meat for the voucher crowd. Know-nothing idiots.

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

What the fuck is this old coot talking about??

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Oh, yeah. GO after the bad teachers. That’s the problem with our schools. Teachers are just SO lazy.

OffTheRecord September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Christ he looks orange next to that blue screen. I kind of wish the protesters had let him fuck this up on his own, because really it is pathetic but now he has an excuse.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

hurry up i’m almost out of beer

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

“What is the value of access to a failing school?”
Spoken like a legacy admission to a $40,000 a year private prep school.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

haha, blame the teachers. That certainly worked for Bob Dole.

Floggy Bottom September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

yes, it’s true…code pink is back…UASSHOLE UASSHOLE UASSHOLE!

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Competition in teaching. Right. “Choice” Another abuse of language. {vomit again]

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

Yay for Choice!
Oh, not that kind of choice.
Choice in school…like believing Jesus walked with the dinosaurs and big oil.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

Um, hey, so… did I miss something, or can parents not send their kids to public, private, or charter schools now? Also, home-schooling? I’m sure that the poor don’t have that choice currently, but McCain’s certainly not going to offer that to poor people.

iwillsavethispatient September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

haha.. McCain stumbled over “student, parents” because he was thinking “student parents”, or Bristol as her mother calls her.

ladymacbeth September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=85868]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: actually i hate that old man shakey voice. that will likely keep me awake again tonight just like shrillbillie snow voice kept me awake LAST night

i cannot wait for this to end.

Dernyul September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

can’t talk express

vicuna September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

proj ect. Damn, the string keeps getting stuck.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

Can someone send out Sarah Palin to find those Styrofoam columns so that there is something behind McCain so id doesn’t look like he is waiting for Jar Jar Binks to show up.

Jimb September 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm

He’s not really used to the teleprompter, is he? Back in the box, old man!

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

…why does he insist on flashing that hideous, twisted Frankenstein grin?!?!?!

Reefpilot September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

I don’t have cable. Has the stroke happened yet?

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Oh noes! We is stop sending teh moneez to Armenia?

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Vandy blocked a kick, and are on the 11, running, on the 1 yard line! Fuck you, Spurrier!

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Oh, that was sweet! Pan of the crowd, and someone’s checking his BlackBerry! Probably donating to Hopey.

Sonic Former Youth September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

oh God…drilldrilldrilldrill is coming

OffTheRecord September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Um…isn’t some of that 700 Billion going to Iraq who you like very much Walnuts?

Oh god. I panicked when he said attack.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

We’ll stop sending money to countries that don’t like us and our vindictive attitude will be blessed by Jeebus.

MissWasilla September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

we. will. drill. new wells. off. shore
killer delivery, oldie.

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

God, jumping form topic to topic, it’s like listening to Mary Kate Olsen at 4am.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

yes, stop aiding those who don’t like you. but yank the $ fast or they might think it’s personal

accidental_tourist September 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Nuclear power plants??? Not in my back yard!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

…clean coal is like saying a virgin slut.

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

TOUCHDOWN! 17-10 Vandy!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

electric and hybrid vehicles…” [crickets]

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

[re=85868]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: CBS showed the Kentucky crowd sitting on their hands for the Latina daughters, but got their mojo back for the “keeping more of you money” line.

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

“We’ll produce more… en-er-gy at home… We’ll drill! new! wells! And we’ll drill them naaaow!”

WeDeserveThisFate September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

John, I’ve been a teacher for 7 years in Brownsville, Brooklyn. Every student, teacher, and parent in our school will be voting for Obama. So leave us out of it. Thanks.

essrog September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

Gambler McCain’s tell is that he blinks when he’s bluffing

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

All right, education, which the Republicans insist is a local issue, will be taken over by John McCain (at no expense, since he is cutting all taxes). And this leads us into drill hear, drill now.

Plus drilling now will help the enviroment.

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

Drill Here! Drill Now!

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

We’ll drill wells offshore now? Okay — exploratory wells. After we do seismic studies. And we’ll start drilling after a rig is freed up. And of course it’ll have to sit around waiting for a refinery. So by “now,” I mean ten years from now.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

Um, does he not get that the global economy is directly tied to cheap oil, and once that’s gone, so is the global economy?

Why did I just ask that?

Pop Socket September 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm

“I will lower your taxes by making you take a lower paying job.”

Whiskeybaby September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

This is ugly and pathetic in every way, physically and metaphorically.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

yes and we’re going to do it all with a record deficit

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

[re=85981]DoctorCulturae[/re]: TRUTH IS LIES, baby.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

…WALNUTS! just hacked 4 points off his poll numbers with this beaut of speech!

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

Did he just say he was going to get energy from the tide?
Is that for real, or did I just make that up?

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

“Why not drill in Yellowstone — WHO NEEDS IT, MY FRIENDS?”

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

“It’s an ambitious plan…”
But hell — if we can send a man to Mars, we can find oil where there isn’t any.

Neilist September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

From the audience reaction, I’m pretty sure this election is about three things:

1. Drilling for something.

2. Uppity nigrahs.

3. Retarded babies.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

He always looks really surprised when people cheer. What a sad old man.

IBelieveInFiatMoney September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

I don’t know whether McCain is pausing for applause or to use his oxygen tank.

stew September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

Having trouble with that old teleprompter, John? Darn newfangled technology!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

I think people are just sleep-clapping now.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm

What a skeevy twerp. “It’s time to show again how Americans lead.” Like the last 8 years. This is so stoopid my brain is hurting. Pleeze.2.Make.To.Stop.Soon.

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

OMG!11!!1 PUTINZZZ CUMIN!!1!11111

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

Jim: The Mighty Ducks are.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=86027]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …then again that is something Bristol may be familiar with?

ZappaForSenate September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

Good god, they actually chanted “drill, baby, drill.”

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=86006]Reefpilot[/re]: Go to CNN.com — they’re streaming it live.

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=86027]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

…or ‘compassionate conservative’.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

COLD WAR 2: THE LEGEND OF CURLY’S OIL

Jimb September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

Russia’s got oil? LET’S INVADE. USA USA USA USA!

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=86011]Dr. Zoidberg[/re]: i liked that one too. one of the repub core too.

StripesAndPlaids September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=86008]Walter Sobchak[/re]: You wouldn’t like it. He just lays there.

HopeNutz September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

Shitty version of hope/change + smoking fear turd = McCain’s speech

lilblackcorvette September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=85964]Strappo[/re]: “red meat”. bottoms up…..

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

Wow, he mentioned Iran and terrorist in the same breath – I did not see that coming! Oh, he is the candidate of change! I’m running out right now and getting pregnant with good Christian babies!

Whiskeybaby September 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

That clean energy bullshit line got a great reaction, didn’t it? The morons in the audience are all like “Wha? We like that hippie shit now?”

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

“The brave people of Georgia need our solidarity and our prayers.”
And that’s all they’re going to get. Wheee.

essrog September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

McCain handles that teleprompter like Captain Hammer:

I hate the homeless …

…ness problem

HopeNutz September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

We have nothing to fear but Palin herself!

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

WE’LL GET THE MILITARY TO DRILL!!

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

so elect me, because i’ve already alienated every country thats worth a talking point

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

I can’t stand millionaires griping about how teachers are lazy and don’t work. If it’s such an easy overprivileged job, you do it.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

[re=86051]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: only 4?

Floggy Bottom September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb mcpain

j6n September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

Is Iran harboring Al Qaeda now? They must have come over from Iraq when we invaded.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

“I’m not afraid of them. I have guards, and magical coat of invisibility and anti-nuckular death rays. Eat a dick, elite colored city folk!”

Dernyul September 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm

I KNOW STUFF. I MEAN IT.

-jSM 3

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

I’m not afraid of them, as long as I get my nappies, and believe me friends, it’s time for little Johnny to go to beddies soon.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

Hey…shout out to Georgia!

I guarantee Sarah Palin couldn’t locate the continent Georgia was located on, if you spotted her three continents.

naveed September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

What’s with the stupid blue background? Did they run out of flags to put back there? Also lapel pins of said flags?

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

Oh, he said evil. Drink.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

so elect me, because i’ve already alienated every country thats worth a talking point.

OffTheRecord September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

MY FRIENDS!!!! haha

Holy shit, he was alive during Pearl Harbor?

StripesAndPlaids September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

[re=86027]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Neilist September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

“I know how the military works . . . .”

Yes, you put the dumbest guy in the class into the most expensive aircraft you have.

Result?

IBelieveInFiatMoney September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

He’s lying! There were no cars in 1410 when McCain was 5 years old.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

…the last military action he saw was in the Carthaginian War, what the fukk makes anyone think he understands the modern military?!

kremla September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ignorance is strength

MissWasilla September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

mccains have very bad luck with wars.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

[re=86035]WeDeserveThisFate[/re]: I live near there. You deserve a Purple Heart for doing that job. Good for you.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

How does he know how to do all these things he’s never done?

Anonymous Office Zombie September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

“I know how the world works. I know the good and evil in it.” For you see my friends, I was there in the Garden of Eden and ate of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil when I was a lad.

ladymacbeth September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

this is pretty terrible. i promised tonight i would not listen and it would be ‘rage against the machine’.

however, i got sucked in and actually, i think it’s ‘katrina and the waves’.

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

Man, remind me to never attend “An Evening with John and Cindy McCain” at Carnegie Hall. Between her stoner address to the nation and his robotic re-sets because he doesn’t understand teleprompters…argh. Of course, we’ll be told that “this isn’t his forum” “he’s better with informal settings” but if the D’s are smart, they’ll just chop this up and use it in their ads.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

“I hate war. It’s terrible beyond imagination.”

Why cheerlead for it???

Jimb September 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm

I know how the miltary works! I know how to crash a plane! I know how to get in the box! I know how to pretend that I wasn’t part of the problem of Washington!

itgetter September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

ZOMG Not the Russian Empire!! Peter the Great was willing to fight for over 20 years to get St. Petersburg! Nothing can stop him! He *will* assert his supremacy in the Balkan Sea!

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

You mean a horse and buggy pulled up to your house when you were five. Cars were not invented at that time.

Oh, and war is bad.

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

war is also peace. the dissonance- it burns.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

he’s jowls just unfolded

d4g33z September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

He actually said “HOLY SHIT. THE FUCKING JAPS BOMBED FUCKING PEARL FUCKING HARBOR!”

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

Listen to my words because my behavior has been exactly the opposite.

Magsbe September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

John McCain is the oldest man in the universe.

Keram2 September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

[re=86062]Brokeback_Romney[/re]: i can has med-yev-evs?

All your bureaucrats are belong to me.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

“I hate war. It’s terrible beyond all imagination.”
That’s why I pretended Baghdad was at peace when I was walking around in that market with 100 troops and six helicopters providing security.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

[re=86070]obfuscator[/re]: …compassionate conservative = sorry, but you are seriously fukked!

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

[re=86090]snig[/re]: a hard and thankless job. better to be a beer-magnate’s cosseted son-in-law.

rubybuckaroo September 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm

[re=86085]SayItWithWookies[/re]: From Atlanta to Savannah!

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

Fuck this shit. This fuckin’ sucks.

“I will use my whitebread grampa sleepytime voice to lull Putin to sleep, then I’ll take my grasp my right arm with my left arm and use that lifeless stubbin to beat the Rooskie to death!”

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

It is physically painful to listen to this speech – his delivery makes my ears bleed. Of course, I can’t get to a doctor because there’s a damn bureaucrat standing in the way….

jagorev September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

Did he just note that “education” was part of the function of government? There goes the Norquist crowd.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

[re=86104]hockeymom[/re]: You twerp, it’s just north of Florida.

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

[re=86076]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Heard that one before, in some context or other. Are we at war with Russia now?

HopeNutz September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

He alludes to internetz!!1!!

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

How does voting for the guy who hates big government healthcare help the kids with autism?

spewcap September 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

we have to catch up to history and protect our security

fish with broken dreams September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

reach out that cold dead hand

vagabonding September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

um. Is it just me or is his face botoxed to all hell?

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Constant partisan rancour? Well, thank goodness that has been set aside tonight.

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

SCARZZZZ!!!!!!1111!!!!11!!

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

We have to change the way we do business in Washington. I should know, I’ve been there for 28 years.

“The constant partisan rancour is what you heard from my VP choice yesterday.”

sylamore September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Show us your scars, Grampy!

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Quick, someone scar Obama, apparently it’s a prerequisite for office.

iwillsavethispatient September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Yes, we must use Information Technology to change Washington, with a President who can’t use a computer.

stew September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

My scars are cooler than his are!

grendel September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Walnuts has the scars on his anus to prove it… not that his guards were gay with him…

KittyKatMan September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Yep, get this over with already. Send out Santanico Pandemonium (Palin) for fucks sake.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

no! drink every time he says “my friends”

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

We need to reach out our hands…I have the scars to prove I can do it, NOT UPPITY HOPEY!!

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Scars? No thanks I don’t smoke. [buh-dum-dump]

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

HA! He’ll reach out to anyone to make this country better. Including, oh, say… Osama Bin Laden?

nyhfrog September 4, 2008 at 10:53 pm

He’ll reach out his hand after his minions spend two evenings attacking his political enemies…scumbag.

Pop Socket September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

How many “my friends” are we up to? I lost track/passed out after four.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

Even the people in the audience is bored.

jagorev September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

Time for Obama to go to attack mode on McCain’s record. I cannot believe that the Keating Five and the S&L crisis have hardly been mentioned in this campaign.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

…whoa! I just saw a hispanic cutey!

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

He’s changed Warshington so much that he’s still complaining about how much it sucks. Vote McCain!

WeDeserveThisFate September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

We thought of pro-choice. Let’s share.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

So you’ll be the Ethics President? Someone else did that too, and his name was…..

forgracie September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

[re=85919]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: He’s got the $5mil voters locked!

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

McCain’s going to steal all of Obama’s great ideas…he just admitted it.
Thief.

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

“I have that record, and the scars to prove it… Senator Obama does not.”

I’m glad he’s gotten over that reluctance to talk about his time in Viet-FUCKIN’-naaam!

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

…will the fukkin teleprompter break down already?!

sylamore September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

Let’s try sharing!??? Good God. Myfriendsmyfriendsmyfriendsmyfriendsmyfriendsmyfriends. Argggggh.

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:54 pm

the electorate dig scars

ladymacbeth September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

i love you people but this is serously boring. i have to go read some jacobean tragedy now.

Whiskeybaby September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

Every time he says something about reaching across the aisle and working with others (non republicans) you can feel the nasty mean-spirited assholes in the audience wanting to boo but just restraining themselves.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

“Everybody wants to rule the world.” — Tears for Fears. Fears. Oh Fears.

wait!!! now he’s doing the Suffering Servant routine! Isaiah! Jesus!

kremla September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

I swear to god he has a split personality. Bipartisanship? Did he not watch the convention last night?

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

[re=86150]Strappo[/re]: But they’re never hiring when I apply.

ms_mcgee September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

UGH. SHUT UP with the “my friends” shit already. AHHHH!

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

i’ve been a (religious) dick for a VERY LONG TIME!

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

Is “Miss Fortune” Cindy’s nom-de-stripper pole?

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

Why is that chick crying? Did she just fine out she was knocked up?

Pop Socket September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

“Servant” is code for “I speak fluent Fundie.”

jagorev September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

Would a bureaucrat standing between me and my doctor be better than an insurance company? Just wondering.

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm

I’ve been an imperfect servant. A servant first and last and imperfect always…He tied an onion around his belt, as was the style of the day…Here it is…”Day One of my capitvity….”

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Jesus Christ! USA! 5.5 years! POW!

Oh, for fuck’s sake. This isn’t ending, is it?

j6n September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

NOT AGAIN!!!!!

grendel September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Is he going to tell the funny story of how he burned down an aircraft carrier?

Dernyul September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Oh god — here comes the I-kept-that-watch-in-my-ass-for-five-and-a-half-years moment.

egostatistical September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Here comes the “I’m a shitty pilot” story…

hughman September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

jesus, does this never end? my drinking game was based on “my friends” and POW crap. i’m so drunk.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

5 1/2 years, 5 1/2 years, 5 1/2 years…

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

scars qualify a person for the presidency?
wow.
vote for me!

accidental_tourist September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

how many times do i have to hear this pow story.

vagabonding September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

I’m confused. Was McCain a POW? Why didn’t anyone tell me this?!

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

HA HA HA, those angry gooks — what’s a few bombs between friends?

WonksRunAmuck September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

“I liked to bend a few rules and pick a few fights for the fun of it”

sylamore September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Tell us what you did in the war, Pops. Again. And again. And again. Good thing he never uses his POW status to political advantage.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

…WoW, no one told me that McCain was a POW!!!

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Hey! I didn’t know he was a POW. This IS news.

WindbagCity September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

oh god, here we go with teh torture stories…

forgracie September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

Christopher Walken plays him in the movie we shoot into space to explain why the Earth is desolate…bets?

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm

“Those gooks really did me a solid. Thanks, gooks.”

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

I’m beginning to sense that Fred Thompson’s speech had some inaccuracies. He said that the Viet Cong broke his arms, didn’t he? Also, that McCain was scared to fly out? Turns out he wasn’t?

StrangelyBrown September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

He’s certainly saying “I” a lot for someone who isn’t in this election for himself.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

those men who saved my life…. the Village People

Squiggyfm September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

He was a POW?

CivicHoliday September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

Wait a second, I thought the story was that the Vietnamese broke his arms? He did that himself from crashing? Why is he being overly honest in this speech and wrecking his own mythos?

Dernyul September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

[re=86222]hockeymom[/re]: Just gang raped by fourteen Yale fratboys in the bathroom.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

This muthafukka didn’t even say he was tort… SHhh! They comin’…

Franklin Pierce & Pierce September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

Wait… He was a maverick but then he wasn’t because he learned about people. then he was a maverick again?

This narrative is confusing.

grendel September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

Five and a half years, my friends! Five and a half years!

Pawdedoo September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

When is he going to walk out on the shaft of the giant black penis?

lilblackcorvette September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!

snig September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

[re=86231]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You’re right, it seems like it’s been going on for 5.5 years.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

Dear God. I didn’t know that John McCain served in Viet Nam.

MissWasilla September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

i learned the limits of my selfish independence, and then came home and dumped my faithful crippled wife.
stay classy WALNUTS!!

solid September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

ok, drinking at “my friends”; not a good idea …..i’m fuck trashed

jagorev September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

IF he ends this speech with the statement that he was tortured, and that therefore as President he will make sure that America will not torture again like it has under the Bush admin, then I will forgive them for everything we’ve had to put up with over the last four days. Do it, McCain, just.. please show us that Republicans are still human beings. I mean that sincerely.

Anonymous Office Zombie September 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm

This propaganda speech is demoralizing me.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Stop making all these poor old people stand up. And those with the cowboy hats.

Whiskeybaby September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

At least he doesn’t exploit his POW experience for political points though…

Oh wait.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

“I was beginning to learn the limits of my selfish independence. Those men saved my life.”
And from that moment on I vowed never to stay married to a crippled old lady.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

At least he admitted that he considered heading home.

Makeithurt September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Please God, I want to see the cheek lump give birth. Just one little claw, anything.

grendel September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I notice the actual vets in the crowd seem unimpressed…

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I thought about leaving…I thought, you know, fuck the Geneva conventions.

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I bet his captors offered him early release becuase he was an insufferable prick.

“You leave now, Yankee Joe! You major #1 asshole!”

Keram2 September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Wait. John McCain is a war hero?! Wha-?

essrog September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I want to hear him tell this complete director’s cut version of his POW story next time he’s asked about his houses

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Boy, that orange pancake is on a little thick on the left cheek. Wonder what it’s covering?

OffTheRecord September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

You have two minutes John and then I am switching to the Daily Show.

Christastic September 4, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Did you know that Walnuts was tortured while he was a POW?!?! How did he keep this stuff under wraps for so long?

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

Oh, I just saw the douchebag who keeps starting the stupid chants that don’t take.

Neilist September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

I’m still puzzled by the idea that he “turned down” early release as a POW.

How did that work, exactly?

The North Vietnamese could have just thrown him on a plane, or through the gate of the Swedish Embassy.

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

OK, it’s time for Daily Show. Fuck John’s testifyin’. “I was a piec eof flotsam on the sea of life. I was a mess. I had no friends. I was friendless. Then I met these wonderful people. They were the friends of the friendless. Now I have friends. Good friends. True friends. FRIENDS.”

CivicHoliday September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

They worked him over. Hard. Long. Mmmmmm. Anal rape is hard to hide.

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

…did he say the guard “worked him over”? The butt-sex maybe?

bugland September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

“A lot of prisoners had it much worse…” “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

stew September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

I was a POW. What else do you assholes need to know!!!!

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm

I’m voting for John McCain — for president of Vietnam!

ms_mcgee September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

That’s a lot of tapping going on between cells. His friend said all of that?! Riiieeeleee?

sylamore September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Then I went home and dumped my crippled wife for a hot, rich adolescent who I lied to about my age.

Dr. Zoidberg September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Oh dear Cthulh!

I love you, Wonkette, but this is all I can stand – last night’s Daily Show is coming on (I live in Wyoming, it’s 9:00 now), so it’s off to soothe my soul with some sweet, sweet Stewart.

The rest of you brave, drunk, souls – good night!

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

I wasn’t my own man = BRAINWASHED OMG!!

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

I kind of think that growing up black in this society might give you some kind of scars. Not that it’s for me to say, being only swarthy at most.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

The end.

Now go to sleep, America.

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

he’s tugging at my heart strings. i really feel for the man.
oh shit!!! new britney spears cunt shot!!!

Jimb September 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Abramoff got four years in prison. FOUR MORE YEARS!!FOUR MORE YEARS!!

Dave J. September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

Hey, where’s his flag pin, btw?

Strappo September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

Make it hurt so good, Tranh.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

The guy is a Masochist. Did you see his smile when he thought of his scars.

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=86244]WonksRunAmuck[/re]:

“I liked to bend a few rules and pick a few fights for the fun of it”

Translation: I enjoyed being a true King Prick every chance I got. Yeah, I was that guy.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

I wish the Giants/Native American game would’ve gone into overtime.

WeDeserveThisFate September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

My friend Brian has a great line the Dems can use (FOR A SMALL FEE).
Republicans believe in the sanctity of life….but only from conception to birth. After that, fuck you, Suckkka.

Follow with the obvious…

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=86253]obfuscator[/re]: Holy jeebus crizzum. I’m reading this, Kos, and 538 simultaneously and that’s the first thing anyone has said that made me laugh out loud. Does that mean I’m a racist / can I be President now?

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

The intonation is his voice is excrutiatingly irritating.

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=86193]jagorev[/re]: If it’s any consolation, I’ve been yelling it at my TV several times tonight.

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

WALNUTS!, if you’re going to say Barry thinks he’s Jesus, then at LEAST admit that you’ve been playing the I WAS TORTURED/I AM A MARTYR CARD FOR ALL FUCKING TIME

Atoz September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=86307]ms_mcgee[/re]: I thought that too, but then I remembered those Navy guys learn Morse code.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

Networks have just cut to local news — at least that’s what I hope.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

He’s lucky that his country is so wealthy. If she was like Bhutan or Zimbabwe or something, he’d leave it right quick to get to a rich one.

WindbagCity September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

“I wasn’t my own man anymore, I was my country’s”… So was it your country that inspired you to ditch the long-suffering wife for the rich tail, or was that you, Walnuts?

satyricrash September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

If they wanted the POW angle, they should have nominated Bob Crane, at least he could give a speech.

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=86254]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Dick Wolf didn’t write Fred’s speech last night, so he was a little off his feed. Plus, who wants to research when there’s whiskey to be drunk.

Anonymous Office Zombie September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

You think you’re not the hero anointed to save this country? Ummm, did you catch your own opening video?

CthuNHu September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

“I’m not running because I think I’m blessed with personal greatness and history has somehow anointed me to save her in her hour of need.”

No? Didn’t you see the video?

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm

as long as you braw breath. ….aw hell

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

“Teach un milliterate adult too reed.”

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Feed a hungry child… to my wife.

grendel September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Someone teach this illiterate old man to read from teleprompters

j6n September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Now he sounds like a community organizer.

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Ha…teach an illiterate adult to read…starting with me.

Dubya's Pusha Man September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Irony!!!!!

Teach a illi…uh, teach an illiterate adult to read.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Seriously, I am kind of in awe of what he went through. It was gutty and amazing.

I don’t mind him telling this story, over and over again (though, why the teleprompter…doesn’t he know it?).

What’s really annoying….all the douchey looking frat boys in the audience who wouldn’t volunteer to serve their country if their life depended on it. Nope, that’s for the poor folk.

TheHappyPundit September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

“…Feed a hungry child…” to me.
Love, Zombie John McCain

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Feed a hungry child.

Advocatus_Diaboli September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Fuck fucking fuck John McCain and his fucking fuck bullshit story.

I was a POW = I was a fucking pussy

I fought against my captors = I tried to limit the number of blow jobs I gave each day

I am a hero = dear Jesus, I couldn’t possibly be worse than w; vote for me goddammit!

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

SERVE A CAUSE GREATER THAN YOURSELF? OH YOU MEAN LIKE COMMUNITY ORGANIZING?

Hypocritical fucks.

ms_mcgee September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

A cause greater than yourself?! Like…community service?

Whiskeybaby September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

[re=86286]obfuscator[/re]: awesome. I giggled.

Atoz September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Ha, you guys see the guy waving the sign that said “THE MAVRICK”?

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Work to make your country better, except for organizing actively in your communities.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Eh, I don’t know. This part isn’t as bad at the first 2387 minutes.

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Construct a series of window displays on home safety!
Or go to a dairy and learn how milk is made.

If he believes that, why has he been sucking up to the guy who said to go shopping and drive more for a stronger America?

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

ahahahaha

Brokeback_Romney September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Not only is he a POW, he’s an American. Fight!!!!!

AngryBlakGuy September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

…can we get one more interruption please?!

KilgoreTrout_XL September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

“Nothing brings greater happiness in life than to serve a cause that makes rich people awesomer and lets me make this creepy smile fifty fucking times a day.”

“FIGHT WITH ME!?!?!?” Is he threatening us? Jesus, I’m terrified.

HopeNutz September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Did he just encourage Americans to become community organizers?!?!

“…teach an ill-ill-illiterate adult to r-read…”

This shit writes itself.

essrog September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

This old man is telling me to fight him

Anonymous Office Zombie September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Fight for your right to party!

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

I’ll fight with you, John. I’ll even tie one hand behind my back.

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Careful WALNUTS!, that stroke might be coming soon…

Pawdedoo September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Oh my god, this is so bad.

bugland September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

watching the RNC, i can totally see how he might forget that most adults aren’t illiterate.

hatlesshead September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

I am going to stand up for my cuntry by voting for Obama. Where’s my debit card?

Rodney Badger September 4, 2008 at 11:03 pm

He won’t stop. I think they just fed his teleprompter into some sort of twitter page or something.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Didn’t Kucinich just do this speech?

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Fight for the right of white people everywhere! And closeted homosexual firearms owners!

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

zsa zsa gabor says: YES !!!!! YES!!!!

coastalelite September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

just after the “teach an illiterate adult line” camera pans to 50 year old guy with sign that says “the mavrick” now that is priceless.

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Can he not raise his arms above his shoulders?

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Our long national nightmare is over — Gerald Ford ’74

Schilde September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

God damn Tesla and the reproduction of sound I have U.S.A….! Rolling around again and again in my head, sort of like in 2004 when I was just minding my own business and think of “FOUR MORE YEARS!!!”, boy fascism is a curse to let down, it is a curse to let down, let’s see if walnuts has the opportunity to speak his mind, “we’ll talk about that later” yeah because he doesn’t have a teleprompter telling him what to say, YEAH.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

I bet Raisin McCain tastes like linament and Werther’s. Yuck!

P Drizzle September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

But see, I kinda hate justice and opportunity for all, y’know?

stew September 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Well that was…weird.

shanadee September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

That’s it??? I’d give that about 2 out of 10 on excitement. 0 out of 10 on information and policy detail. Now someone go tuck McCain in bed…he looks sleepy.

KittyKatMan September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

If gramps becomes prez, goodbye North Vietnam. Prune pudding is a dish best served cold.

DoctorCulturae September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

I’ve bailed to go to Stewart…

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Oh we’re raising McCain again — with picks and shovels and an old incantation.

kudzu September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

I heard some drunken gal took off her clothes and started screaming obscenities in the middle of WALNUTS!’s speech. Can anyone elaborate?

Tobywankenobe September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

I’m so inspired. I want to stand up and fight against shitty campaign speeches now.

lilblackcorvette September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

[re=86254]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:i got a lil’ cognitive dissonance going on too… they broke him?

Pawdedoo September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Stand up and improve your country, just don’t become a community organizer.

druranium September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Stand up and fight for NARCISSISM, my friends!

bugland September 4, 2008 at 11:05 pm

they’re ALMOST clapping in synch. well done.

CivicHoliday September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

I think he was trying (in vain) to channel Hopey and Kucinich at the end. Stand up and fight, America! Fight with me!

LeopoldBittersStotch September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

“and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

[re=86330]Walter Sobchak[/re]: You’re qualified to be prezidints only if you were tortured for something and a half years and are ever so reticent to talk about it.

Magoo September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

god that was boring. more wine please! did i hear that the daily show was on…sweet? PS what dickface wrote the song “RAISING MCCAIN”??? Howev: that’s cause he got in big troubs with EVERY other song he played as all the bands hated him.

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

WAVE AT US MORE, I CAN HARDLY GET ENOUGH

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Where’s WALNUTS! family? Namely his black daughter?

KilgoreTrout_XL September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

What song is that? I already hated it. Now the hate is totally more hateful. Also, I feel like clubbing a homo. Who is with me?

LOUD REPUBLICAN NOISES MAKE ME HORNY.

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

McCain/Palin — Pork for Reform!

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

No balloons? That’s unpatriotic.

Scooter September 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Is it really true that John McCain was a Prisoner of War? I can’t believe that no one has ever mentioned it until now!!! Man, that guy can keep a secret can’t he!

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:07 pm

So it’s the POW thing that annointed him. About 600 guys who were in their with him. Can we interview some of the other 600, see if they finished in at least the top half of their class, or at least weren’t responsible for a billion dollar S&L crisis? Can we get Max Cleland? I know he wasn’t a POW, but limbs should count too.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Where da balloons?

The Hispanic Buddy Holly September 4, 2008 at 11:07 pm

“Join the military, become a teacher, but whatever you do, do not EVER become a community organizer. Those guys are bitches and probably gay like Obama whom I have nothing bad to say about.”

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Balloon drop? Our Fireworks OWNED your balloon drop, suckas

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Shit, finally. I fucking hate balloons.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Sarah looks like she’s avoiding him on the stage. If he doesn’t watch it, she’ll go Tracy Flick on his ass and push him off the stage.

Tobywankenobe September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

WTF is it with closing a convention with country music? Wait; that’s an oxymoron isn’t it?

hatlesshead September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Whaddya bet the MSM says Walnuts! hit it out of the park like they have done about every single gawdamn speech for the last two weeks?

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

is this the theme from “Fiefel goes west”

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Wow, that is a LOT of white people up there on stage. And Briget.

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

There’s the daughter! He looks SO AWKWARD! Even while hugging his daughter

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Barracuda!?!?!?!? Heart, you b-s

loudmouthredhead September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

USA USA USA WE ARE GAY USA USA USA!
“John McCain understands the struggles of non-beer heiresses. I mean, he said their NAMES. I didn’t even know they HAD names!”

grendel September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

To sum up: “Dear Preznit Dubya, eat a bag of dicks. Sincerely yours, John McCain”

RooseveltFranklin September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Those are not balloons dropping. Those are the eggs of millions of teen girls, just waiting to be fertilized.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Jim/Sarah/Ken – were the upper levels as empty as the other night?

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

“Barracuda”??? Nancy Wilson would NOT approve.

WindbagCity September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

They’re going out on “Barracuda”? All right!!

Pawdedoo September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

From Wikipedia:

“In 1977 Heart’s record label, Mushroom Records, fueled rumors that Ann and Nancy were lesbian lovers by running a full-page ad in Rolling Stone showing the sisters bare-shouldered and suggestively captioned, “It was only our first time”. When a reporter suggested, backstage after a live appearance, that the sisters were sex partners, Ann returned to her hotel room and wrote the lyrics to “Barracuda” to relieve her frustration.”

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

No wonder Palin sounded so energetic last night — next to McPain, she was.

hockeymom September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

Tweety thinks the audience is applauding failure and McCain’s divorce (from the administration).
Yay for failure…let’s have more!

d4g33z September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

YESSSS! HEART! BARRACUDA!
We all win.

kremla September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

Barracuda? Oh, Lord Tundering Jesus.

vagabonding September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

wtf is wrong with them? WHY IS THAT BABY IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT INSANITY?!

cracksmoke September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

They just had to play “Barracuda”, didn’t they? God this is making me sick.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

On the catwalk/I’m too sexy for this song…

smellyal8r September 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm

Worst. Speech. Ever. And this was a convention full of poor speeches. What a fiasco. If I was a scrillion dollar donor to the RNC, I’d think about asking for my $$ back. Ridiculous. Her speech last night was a shrill harridan’s call to destroy the world as we know it, while his tonight was the random ramblings of a tired old man (and boy does he look old tonight). If he dies on the trail, it’s her don’t forget.

Good to see Levi is out of his box for one more night (please respect our family’s privacy)

jasonelias September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

He looks awful and that speech was awful.

suths September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

really? barracuda?

Tobywankenobe September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

All right; you knocked-up the chosen VP’s daughter–OK sure; come one stage with us.

The Hispanic Buddy Holly September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

I’m never listening to Heart again.

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Wow, they melded Bristol and Levi’s hands together. Probably a good idea, maybe? Or not?

knitgrrl September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2008/09/04/green-screens-protests-disrupt-mccains-speech

UPDATE: CodePink spokesman Jean Stevens confirmed that the group was responsible. She said the two women forced out of the hall by security were Elizabeth Hourican, 38 years old, of Phoenix and Nancy Mancias, 38, of San Francisco. Both women are fulltime activists, Stevens said, adding that they had obtained passes to the convention from disaffected Republicans and wore pink slips saying “McCain Equals More War.”

MissWasilla September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

you know how people try and compliment old ladies by saying they look the younger than their own offspring?

well, in grandma mccain’s case its true.

rubybuckaroo September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Are those fireworks ‘lip-synced’ from the Chinese Olympics?

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

[re=86417]obfuscator[/re]: Does that speech count? Because I can pretend I watched it.

grendel September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Smooth Barracuda? Is this a message about Palin’s grooming habits?

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

“We Make History”

Yep, by waisting three days of my life and not telling me anything you plan to do if you are president.

And isn’t it a bit elitist to have your own song?

KilgoreTrout_XL September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Fucking BARRACUDA! Yes! Heart and douchey republicans complete me.

I can totally five star this fucker on Guitar Hero III, BTW.
(ON HARD. YEAH, my guitarist’s name is Larry Craig)

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Stewart sooo crushed it on the “community organizer” bit.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:11 pm

Damn… cliche balloons… Obama’s fireworks kicked his balloons tied asses!

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:11 pm

The barracuda is a ray-finned fish known for its large size and fearsome appearance. Its body is long, fairly compressed, and covered with small, smooth scales. It is of the genus Sphyraena, the only genus in the family Sphyraenidae.

mcgeorge September 4, 2008 at 11:11 pm

Alright, I’m gonna say it: I thought that was the best fucking speech I have ever head from John McCain. I saw him in a completely different light. You may commence the beatdown…

HomoPolitico September 4, 2008 at 11:12 pm

“Barracuda” huh? I hope Ann Wilson and Nancy Wilson sue the shit out of that cunty trollop.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Earth Wind and Fire!?! They’re KILLING me. Philip Baily, I’m kicking your azz! Percussively, of course.

jasonelias September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

McCain’s looking a little tired out there, he just introduced himself to Sarah Palin…

loudmouthredhead September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Wait…guys…dude dude…dude, dude, dude….dude…was he in Vietnam or something?

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Now it’s some Earth, Wind, and Fire. The GOP shouldn’t be allowed to use music by artists who wouldn’t vote for them.

whatever September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

“If the real thing don’t do the trick
You’d better make up something, quick.”

AnnieGetYourFun September 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

[re=86485]mcgeorge[/re]: Beat you with this bar that you set so low that it was actually lying at my feet?

Atoz September 4, 2008 at 11:14 pm

[re=86429]snig[/re]: for some common sense from one of his fellow POWs, see
http://bravenewfilms.org/blog/51429-former-pow-says-mccain-is-not-cut-out-to-be-president

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 11:14 pm

[re=86485]mcgeorge[/re]: Wait, there was a speech on tonight? I flipped over to it, but I thought it was my granpa’s video will, so I turned it back to football.

solid September 4, 2008 at 11:14 pm

this is mccain’s “Lovin’ mix”. just try to resist

NoWireHangers September 4, 2008 at 11:14 pm

[re=86485]mcgeorge[/re]: Wait, seriously?

I mean, I guess in the speech he tried to present a different “image”–that of service and unity and stuff. But all the “facts” and “plans” were lies and distortions.

obfuscator September 4, 2008 at 11:15 pm

They played “Barracuda” earlier, too. Around 6pm. It was humorous seeing the dustfarts in the audience look around apprehensively. I’m sure the futuristic sound of electric guitars really threw them.

Viva la Cynthia September 4, 2008 at 11:15 pm

Oh my god, poor Andrea Mitchell is being eaten alive by those balloons!

CivicHoliday September 4, 2008 at 11:15 pm

OMG, Andrea Mitchell is bored out of her mind and is being eaten by balloons.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 4, 2008 at 11:16 pm

If only the crowd had started chanting “Four More Years!” Because after three days, apparently there is nothing they are going to do differently.

forgracie September 4, 2008 at 11:16 pm

[re=86485]mcgeorge[/re]: Nope. Loved it. Defined very clearly where he wants America to go…

Viva la Cynthia September 4, 2008 at 11:16 pm

Nice song choice: “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang. I bet that’s what’s playing in every home where the owners can’t afford gas, food, or their mortgage payment anymore. Kind of sums up the GOP, right?

Viva la Cynthia September 4, 2008 at 11:17 pm

[re=86515]CivicHoliday[/re]: jinx!

ForeignSickSpecialist September 4, 2008 at 11:17 pm

Kool and the Gang… Man, it’s time for Drop Squad!

hatlesshead September 4, 2008 at 11:18 pm

With the flyaway jacket Cindy McCunt looks like she is 5 1/2 months. Get these stupid fucks off the teevee already and start talking shit about them pleez.

Migstradamus September 4, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Yes, he almost seemed human for a moment. Doomed, confused, human.

He should have just played a video of Kucinich from the DNC for the “stand up! stand up!” part.

Well, that happened. Everyone in the auditorium can stop being offensive to everyone watching the teevee and go home and back to being offensive to everyone they know.

FlipOffResearch September 4, 2008 at 11:18 pm

What? Kelly ODonnel just said McCain has been resistant to talk about his time as a POW. That really is news. I never new that.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 4, 2008 at 11:21 pm

[re=85895]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I think you mean mooing.

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:21 pm

Colbert’s got more green screen to play with…

Maciej September 4, 2008 at 11:23 pm

The old man in the crowd popping balloons very angrily during “Celebration” A++++.

snig September 4, 2008 at 11:24 pm

So if his candidacy is about some new plan for government change and purification in DC, he must be talking about some third party that he’s neglected to tell us about.

Walter Sobchak September 4, 2008 at 11:26 pm

holy fucking fuck did anyone see the new seinfeld / bill gates commercial?

loudmouthredhead September 4, 2008 at 11:26 pm

[re=86469]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: industrial adhesive. He can’t git awayee naw!

magic titty September 4, 2008 at 11:31 pm

chris wallace of FUX is a complete shit who is actually arguing with wolfson, defending mccain. he’s alleged to be the question asker.

piece o shit that man.

kremla September 4, 2008 at 11:33 pm

The CNN cameramen are competing to find the worst white people dancing.

AngerBoy September 4, 2008 at 11:34 pm

I hate everyone on this screen right now.

scwrud September 4, 2008 at 11:34 pm

So that’s it? School vouchers, something about community colleges, and the army forfuckever in Iraq? It’s a speech made of ricecake!

NYNYNY September 4, 2008 at 11:34 pm

From my unnamed friend who’s been teleprompting at this thing:
“Giuliani found a water bottle waiting for him at the lectern, which he downed during his rehearsal. Little did he know that it was actually Congressman Fred Thompson of Tennessee’s water, and he had already taken a sip out of it!

Giuliani’s wife sneezed and nobody said anything. She said “thank you.” Then everybody said “bless you.”

Mike Huckabee and Fred Thompson are very very nice, and I must admit, likable. Despite the fact that Giuliani was also nice and said I was “great,” Giuliani is not. He oozes sleaze. And he refused to give a speech at the convention if it didn’t mention September 11. That’s kind of his thing I guess. Mentioning September 11.”

used without permission.

ms_mcgee September 4, 2008 at 11:34 pm

[re=86561]Walter Sobchak[/re]: No – what happened?

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 4, 2008 at 11:36 pm

[re=86035]WeDeserveThisFate[/re]: BK in the house!

ms_mcgee September 4, 2008 at 11:39 pm

Ann and Nancy Wilson are pissed at the Republican Party and have fired off a cease and desist letter to the McCain/Palin campaign. http://www.tmz.com/2008/09/04/republicans-lack-heart/

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 4, 2008 at 11:39 pm

[re=86474]grendel[/re]:

If the real thing dont do the trick
No, you better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda.

dougbob September 4, 2008 at 11:40 pm

It doesn’t seem to be relevant to the party faithful that the GOP has been mostly running the show for the last eight years. Or that seven of the nine Supreme Court Justices were appointed by Republican Presidents. Or that the list of partisan and/or mismanagement outrages under Bush should be long enough to discourage all but the partisan optimist.

magic titty September 4, 2008 at 11:43 pm

so, my girlfriend says Cindy can’t stand up straight. I say it’s because he has to fuck her weirdly. because of his arm stuffs.

curious September 4, 2008 at 11:45 pm

McCain: “I know some of you have been left behind in the changing economy, and it often sees that your government hasn’t even noticed. Government assistance for the unemployed workers was designed for the economy of the 1950s. That’s going to change on my watch. … We will use our community colleges to help train people for new opportunities in their communities.”

Hmm, where have I heard that before?

GW Bush, 2004: “We’re not training enough people to fill the jobs of the 21st century. There’s a skills gap.”

Same year: “President Bush wants to spend $250 million to help the nation’s 1,100 community colleges train workers for a 21st century economy.”

youknew September 4, 2008 at 11:45 pm

Should have been liveblogging the CSPAN calls after the speech. Whoa Nelly.

curious September 4, 2008 at 11:46 pm

I liked the part where he talked about Palin and, stumbling over his delivery, produced this image:

“She’s worked with her hands and nose …”

curious September 4, 2008 at 11:47 pm

Number of times Obama used “I” in his acceptance speech: 57

McCain: 100

Now, tell me again: Which candidate’s obsessed wth himself?

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 4, 2008 at 11:51 pm

What was this about a boy whose ‘descendants’ were on the Mayflower?

S.Luggo September 4, 2008 at 11:57 pm

[re=85872]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Bacteria on our food. Yumilicious.

Democratica September 4, 2008 at 11:58 pm

Norah O’Donnell posits that Obama will now have a problem with non-college-educated women b/c of Palin. Huh?! This woman, who would not PERMIT me to care for my own body, etc.?! Excuse me, but I’ll not be asking that woman PERMISSION for anything.

TeddyS September 4, 2008 at 11:59 pm

McCain was a POW?

Democratica September 5, 2008 at 12:03 am

[re=86607]Democratica[/re]: Whoopsie… I forgot I graduated from college and I’m already in the tank for B.O. Anyhoodle, still hatin’ on Sarah P.

jerryw September 5, 2008 at 12:04 am

How to bite the ass of the republicans that cause us grief:

1. John McCain was leader of the Keating Five, and interceded on behalf of convict Charles Keating in the S&L fraud which cost taxpayers billions.

2. John McCain got a taxpayer-funded education at the US Naval Academy because his father and grandfather were both U.S. Navy admirals.

3. John McCain never made it to admiral, actually he was lucky to have been able to keep his citizenship.

4. John McCain graduated 895th in a class of 900, that’s fifth from the bottom at the US Naval Academy at Annapolis for those of you who were lifers.

5. John McCain was considered to be an ace in the Viet Nam War for destroying five aircraft. However, it should be noted that each of those downed aircraft were ours. He was received that “ACE” status from the Vietnamese.

6. John McCain pledged the proceeds from public campaign financing, which ‘reform’ legislation is one of his major ‘credits’, to collateralize a loan. Then he broke his own law by saying he was not bound by his pledge.

and some from column “B”

1. Sarah didn’t save the good folks a dime on their state taxes, as Alaska doesn’t have a state personal income tax.

2. The city where she got her leadership experience had a population that was double the number of students at my high school on a non-holiday weekday.

3. The state of Alaska has a population that is about one sixth the population of the city of Los Angeles, which has a mayor that fools around with the local Latina news chick. He’s an incompetent bumbling big mouth asshole too.

4. The hard words on her teleprompter were spelled out phonetically.

Democratica September 5, 2008 at 12:04 am

[re=86608]TeddyS[/re]: Yeah, I heard that too… odd it hasn’t come up before tonight…

mcgeorge September 5, 2008 at 12:15 am

[re=86507]NoWireHangers[/re]: Of course the plans are flawed (though I’m not a fan of Democratic education plans). For the first time, I understood the sacrifice he made, and how it changed him. I saw him like he was in 2000, someone with huge integrity. Unfortunately, it’s 2008.

MegsOfMegs September 5, 2008 at 12:19 am

Ah, the beauty of hearing Walnuts speak about adult illiteracy while someone held up a sign that read “MAVRICK.” Beautiful. Irony, you are a lovely thing.

CivicHoliday September 5, 2008 at 12:21 am

[re=86593]magic titty[/re]: totally true! she sort of limped across the stage at the end. maybe last night was their once-a-month ‘sexy time’

MegsOfMegs September 5, 2008 at 12:28 am

We played a fun drinking game: Every time the word “Maverick” was mentioned, or “POW” status was invoked, or a minority in the audience was shown, a drink was had. This was later amended to include anytime Walnuts blinked more than three times, quickly, in a row. Now I’m hammered.

Pawdedoo September 5, 2008 at 12:33 am

Republicans love lime green!

jerryw September 5, 2008 at 12:33 am

[re=86494]jasonelias[/re]: One of the nice things about oldtimers disease is
that you’re always meeting new people, even in your own home. All of those
homes, everywhere, everytime.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/04/09/connecting-a-few-dots/

Jingo September 5, 2008 at 1:03 am

So the Republican line is that major disasters are okay if you can apply minor fixes. McCain helped destroy a country, but he supported the surge that made it a tiny bit safer… Yay McCain. Bristol Palin gets pregnant, but she decided to keep the baby…. Yay Bristol. The Bush Admin destroyed the economy, but he gave us a few hundred dollars in tax rebates… Yay Bush Admin. Cheney shoots a guy in the face, but offered to give him a band-aid………………. What? Even Republicans know Cheney’s a jerk.

marksquarepants September 5, 2008 at 3:07 am

Lindsey, I wish I could quit you boy!

Outstando September 5, 2008 at 3:12 am

[re=86397]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: And it smells like Pappy.

Outstando September 5, 2008 at 3:13 am

[re=86593]magic titty[/re]: Yeah, he has to bite her to stay balanced. After 176 years of this she has some nerve damage.

villageatrois September 5, 2008 at 3:34 am

If GMILF can field dress a moose, she can gut and hang this old coot. She could lure him into the woods under the guise of running away slowly, for example…. McCain would call off the Secret Service folk himself in anticipation of doing the wild thing with Nanookie of the North. Go on, Sarah, be a hero! That bastard fought your earmarks for the meth-cookers in your town; a good field-dressing will set him straight.

gurukalehuru September 5, 2008 at 6:47 am

Thank you all for watching so I didn’t have to.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 5, 2008 at 9:14 am

Did you see that kid yawn? He caught it from me. It works even through teevee.

TaraAriano September 5, 2008 at 9:57 am
tennessee Jed clampett September 5, 2008 at 10:10 am

i especially appreciated uncle Fred’s waxing nostalgic about the corvette….

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