Wonkette
It is sad to think we will never be here again, at the Xcel Center Hockey Rink, in St. Paul of Minnesota. Ha ha, just kidding. We are so ready to get the living hell out of here! Do you know how long we’ve been covering these two conventions, in two cities 1,100 miles apart? FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. Or 13 days, same thing, really. Let’s liveblog Walnuts McCain giving the speech of, er, the night!
8:25 PM Central — Nobody’s liveblogging Tom Ridge, because, jesus, who cares, right? But we’ll mention here that he’s saying “THAT’S JOHN McCAIN!” And now, having said it 45 times, the crowd weakly repeats it with a few off-time claps.
8:27 PM — There are still plenty of seats tonight. Again, no lines to get in, easy to find tables and chairs on the Press level for eating and typing, and right now your editor counts thirteen sections without a single occupied seat — these are mostly the sections behind the video screen, and you can see them when the news cameras do wideshots of the stage.
8:28 PM — Goodbye, Tom Ridge! Thanks for the crappy speech nobody cared about! Oh, and thanks for “Homeland Security” and the TSA and all that Nazi-Soviet bullshit.
8:29 PM — It’s the Cindy McCain tribute video! It’s about “Smitty,” who settled the Old West and then created beer.
8:30 PM — Hey, what about Cindy’s sister, the one her dad Jim abandoned?
8:31 PM — Why won’t they say that John McCain was also married when he first picked up Cindy at a cocktail party, when she was nine?
8:32 PM — “And then Cindy went to Kuwait with her medical charity, so she could take all the drugs from the Middle East, and eat them.”
8:33 PM — Ha ha, the video doesn’t mention the OTHER orphan from Bangladesh she brought back to America. Whatever happened to that baby, anyway? SARAH PALIN SOLD IT ON EBAY!
8:36 PM — Sara K. Smith will now liveblog Cindy and then the Walnuts Video Review, and we’ll be back with this one in a while, for Juan McCain his own beloved self. Nap time for this editor!
9:10 PM — What a life, indeed! What a family! What a weird David Lynch movie, on both sides of the ticket. The video is about over, having deftly skipped over his entire lobbyist-run three decades on Capitol Hill, his attempts to let the Mexicans take over our Brave Nation, the Keating Five scandal, and the one thing he is most famous for, in the Senate: Forcing liberal Campaign Finance reform upon the nation’s Republicans.
9:12 PM — Which is the only reason he is getting such applause. HI JOHN, HOW IS IT GOING BRO?
9:14 PM — There are still some empty seats! In fact, there are forty or fifty empty seats in this very section, where your Wonkette is sitting and a-typing!
9:15 PM — Thank god they got McCain a podium that makes him look taller. We are all tired of seeing Juan look like a hobbit peering over a two-foot garden wall.
9:16 PM — Ugh, that smile. And the pointing. And the combover is kind of glistening. Well, at least he’s not an elitist handsome person, like he was 25 years ago.
9:17 PM — HA, once again, the McCain campaign gives us a beautiful green screen so America’s young dorks can comically fill in the background with old-timey Vaudeville acts and horse-drawn Budweiser carriages from his youth in the 1700s.
9:18 PM — Really, a green screen? That same puke-green screen that made everybody sick when he spoke in Louisiana back when Barack had wrapped it up?
9:19 PM — Well, this is a sleepy time for America.
9:19 PM — John McCain’s old mom is a funny rich lady. She must be mentioned often so people will think, “Maybe John won’t die in a few months, after all, and that terrible Alaskan lady won’t feed us all to the Moose.”
9:21 PM — Finally, a gracious note about Obama. That is the first, and probably the last, as McCain is kind of the final speaker.
9:21 PM — Several people did loudly boo when Obama was mentioned.
9:22 PM — First standing ovation of the Walnuts speech: “Let there be no doubt, WE’RE going to win this election.”
9:24 PM — This is officially a disaster. There are protesters everywhere, screaming, banners, and the German Mob is chanting back, USA USA USA USA. This is insane.
9:25 PM — Good god …. the protesters are howling in … agony? Hysteria? Now they have been beaten to death, the end.
9:26 PM — “She works with hands and nose.” WTF?
9:26 PM — Just so you know, out there, it was actually terrifying when, one level down and a few rows to the right, something crazy happened. There is such an insane fear just below the dull surface that awful things are going to happen at these conventions.
9:28 PM — This wasn’t much of a speech to start with, but that little scene just tore apart whatever mood had been achieved in this hockey rink. Now everyone is visibly tense, if not crazy with rage or fear. The clapping is strained. Thanks a lot for ruining McCain’s big night, ya Code Pink commies!
Let’s get this shit over with, I’m trying not to pass out.
drill baby, yawn
Interestingly there’s no mention of Cindy Lou’s half sister(s?) and no mention of Walnuts! first wife or his adultery. Isn’t this a documentary?
…Cindy McCain father was shot down 3 times! How many fukkin planes can this family destroy before they put them on the no fly list?!
41/37 = 24/27 ?
Are they going to mention her stealing narcotics, or is that off limits too?
We’re all so happy to know that McPain is carrying on the GOP tradition of trading in his old banged up used wife for a new snazzier model w/ chrome hair and blue highbeams! We’re proud o’ you Johnnie!
AngryBlakGuy: Let’s write them up an invoice and see if they’ll pay for that shit… planes aren’t cheap!
…I see she is still ignoring existence of her sister.
Cindy is 2 fast 2 furious?
What’s funny is that no-one, not even the Repugs, give a shit about any of this… I think they’re all off at Hooters watching the Redskins / Giants game.
Rolls her sleeves up and steals the drugs.
The “Cindy’s Hairstyles Through the Ages” video is killing me. She must have gotten a serious professional makeover somewhere along the way, because she was looking pretty dykey in the ’80s and ’90s.
AngryBlakGuy: Please that’s amateur, John McCain has destroyed more aircraft carries than anyone since the Japanese.
Cundy courageously rescued John McCain from the stagnant prison of his first marriage.
Here comes the circus!
Who’s that half-black kid?
Le Grande Entrance du Trollop
Did I just see someone at the RNC hold up a “PEACE” sign?
How has that person not been tasered into submission and shipped off to Gitmo yet?
I love how the vid mentioned how both Cin and John fudged their ages when they met. Way to remind people that they’re liars.
I heard earlier that Cindy’s outfit and jewelry from yesterday was worth $300K… down home folk there…
Instead of wearing a $300,000 outfit last night, maybe Cindy should have thrown some more bucks at all those poor starving black kids she visted.
so she’s doing… what? introducing her family?
Yeah. Now that’s a woman a man could leave his wife for
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW MEGHAN MCCAIN
Holy fuck John has his own army of kids!
It seems to be a central theme for this whole convention:
“Let’s leave all the blatant hypocrisy latent. Our target audience won’t catch it, and all the hipsters that do we’ll just call “elitists.”
Between the fucking McCains and Palins they’re trying to repopulate the freakin’ Earth… Buy those Repugs some damn condoms!
CalamityJames: She’s Bristol Palin and John Edwards’s love child.
Paris Hilton meet your future.
She’s baked!!! Was it a whole white Valium tonight, Cindy Lou?
“Blessed and Honored”, otherwise she’d get the shit beat outta her.
funny dorothyparker,
best liars forever. soulmates
…I wonder how many Valiums and Percocet cocktails she snorted before she came out?
“It was love at first sight, and a torrid blasphemous sinful Commandment-breaking adulterous affair behind the back of his loyal disabled wife shortly thereafter.”
What’s the over-under on this outfit? I’m going for a cool half million…
“Being-a-mother-is-the-most-fulfilling-thing-in-my-life…
the fuzzy mental blanket that is a Vicodin fix is a close second…
being a hundred-millionairess is nice, too… “
I really can’t believe this is happening. Cindy’s hair is so Whitesnake/David Coverdale-esque.
The Repugnicants is out-breeding us! Lookit all them kids, not to mention the paleo-Palins.
Federal Government… like your husband you dried up old Cunt-Trollop?
Holy shit! I just turned on the msnbc stream. What the hell is that alien doing at the RNC? Are we being invaded?! RUN FOR COVE– Oh, that’s Cindy.
good ole abe is feeling cindy up? makes sense they are both dead
“It’s not our natural instinct to rally to them tonight.” Tell us something we don’t know, Cindy.
Abraham Lincoln now spinning in his grave.
Cuntlip! Stop staring at the teleprompters!
…is that guy watching internet porn?!
btw, McCain will literally accept the nomination at 9:11 central tonight. Really.
I’m giving money to McCain now so Cindy can buy a hairbrush.
“The hand on our shoulder belongs to Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln is a hero of John’s, since John cannot raise his arms high enough to even touch my elbow, having been tortured for a thousand years in a Vietnamese terrorist holocaust death chamber.”
Has she not practiced with the teleprompter before? Did Sarah take up all the training time?
…EWWWWWWWWW, there goes the Tard licker!!!
Cindy makes me want to kill a moose!
Wow, Cindy is a worse public speaker than her husband. She’s stepping on her own applause lines and forgetting the punctuation marks.
Talk about phallic. See my double portrait of the RNC candidates. Talk about a commitment:
http://storefrontwindows.blogspot.com/
Now I’m going to listen to Cindy let me know how SHE views the world.
“AngryBlakGuy: “Cindy McCain father was shot down 3 times!” And she found someone even better! They knows how to win all the wars, doing that 9/11 thing.
chascates: At this rate, he’s disinterred himself.
She sounds sedated. So does the crowd.
She’s wasted.
“If only the federal government would get itself under control and out of our way.” But into our libraries and bedrooms and uteri and …
“The hand on our shoulders is that of Abraham Lincoln.” *cough*morelikeLarryCraig*cough*
does everyone at the rcn breath through their mouth!!!
She hit a homerun and got a shortstop.
“Women have always sought a husband with an eye to what kind of father he would be”
Sexist bitch
dorothyparker: They started off lying to each other and now they’re lying to us! Yay!
sell Bush/Phoebix…and quick..buy 10,000 shares of Maybelline
Friend, confidante, best father and sacred adulturer.
…new live blog
She’s about to fall off the stage…
did she just suggest that Sarah Palin should give Walnuts! a handjob?
“That hand you feel on your shoulder is Larry Craig’s… that tongue you feel on the back of your neck is Larry Craig’s… “
Why didn’t they just serve up fucking robot, flailing his arms and screaming “Danger!” Oh wait.
Sooooo, she’s 58, if my math is correct, so what’s with the Barbie do? And yes, she’s considerably sedated.
Stop watching this now and insert a yellow VHS tape of John Carpenter’s “They Live” to get the real low-down.
Perilous times for freedom itself, especially if you are code pink
Is she trying to smolder? I feel like I’m watching television at three in the morning when they run those awful Quest personals ads. Jesus wept.
Mamma McCain looks confused up there. Is no one gonna put these people in a home?!?!?
Mother. Moosehunter. Maverick.
“You can trust his hand on the wheel.” Just not on the joystick.
Ooh, the most applause she gets is for mentioning the GILF. Feel the burn, Cindy Lou.
Cindy just rattled a bunch of adjectives for Palin. Not one of them was “competent”.
EWWW, Scary Palin just winked at the camera.
Moose-hating, pistol-whipping, book-banning, baby-dropping,jew-saving…
“Viet-FUKKIN’-nam!!!”
If she thinks her husband and her father were heroes for getting shot down, why didn’t she shoot John down?
She’s totally stoned. The more I watch, the more I’m convinced.
This is the worst topless biker beauty contest I have ever seen
Is she seeing things through the prison of its values?
sylamore: Wouldn’t you be?
And then, in Bengla Desh, at band camp, there was like Mother Theresa, and she was like giving away free babies, so I was all like SHAZAM and shit….
She has a woman in her box?!?
When is the Kermit moment? It’s not easy, being green.
The Miss Piggy moments keep coming.
A loyal and loving and true husband
What’s up with the travel photo backdrop?
all that money,and she can’t buy a comb
Kudos on the song choice. “Go Johnny Go” is kinda funny.
Redskins are milking this game so nobody watches WALNUTS! Why do these D.C. insiders hate Amurika so much?
Cindy Phalin is sitting next to Sarah McCain…. Shit, they’re so easy to mix up in the dark.
Man! I’m diggin those hastily prepared signs calling out to the Hispandex. They’re all like “We support you! Now that the Paint is dry on this sign!”
Too bad his father missed.
really? jesus saved mccain from the fire so he could be captured and years later run for pres? i call bullshit on that one
my cat has been licking his ass for the last half hour.
I think it’s the music.
Is that a nucular explosion in the background?
Orson Swindle..Orson Wells, just sketchier
John Mcpain…Patriot, Hero, Hairstylist
Tito Puente: brilliant! she can drift with the snowmachine racer.
Ugh, they trotted out his mother again? Leave that poor old woman alone!
OMG this is Vegas insanity.
if john mccain really wanted to put his country first, he would step down now.
New campaign slogan:
JOHN MCCAIN: He’s Lived in a Box
gimp it up, Walnuts
The lighting kind of made this look like “Close Encounters of a 3rd Kind.”
“John McCain’s life was somehow spared. Perhaps he had something more to do.”
GOD WANTED HIM TO BE PRESIDENT.
Yeah, I’m sure it would have gone over real well with the GOP if the Obama film had implied that Obama’s election was in line with the divine will.
Holy crap, this is beyond hero worship. This is canonization.
Question: if John McCain can’t lift his arms above his shoulders, how does he achieve his combover? Does he have Bangladeshi slaves comb his hair for him?
GOD WE’RE LAME! GOD WE’RE LAME! we mean, JOHN MCCAIN! JOHN MCCAIN!
Well, according to the video, the election is over. So we don’t have to listen to this speech then.
And why did Fred Thompson do the end to Knights in White Satin after the video was over?
CthuNHu: Speaking of canonization, the narrator of Cindy’s film literally said that she has gone around the world doing ‘miraculous’ works.
Why is that big video screen behind him coming up green? I guess green backgrounds worked so well for him before.
Woah, what the fuck was that? What kind of morans can’t even chant USA in time with on another?
HOLY SHIT THEY BROUGHT BACK THE GREEN SCREEN
I can’t believe they have the green screen behind him again!!
lime green truly is McCain’s color.
Are you kidding me? A green screen?!
Was that a halo around him? Oh, I see. McCain is teh Jesus.
How humble.
WTG, John, pausing for the spontaneous outpouring of emotion BEFORE it actually starts.
New campaign slogan:
John McCain: A Dick in a Box
Nice “McCain votes against vets” sign with some guy in the back row.
…hehehe, +1 for the guy with the sign that says “McCain votes against vets”!
Dude, they green-screened him again! didn’t they learn the first time?
So…much…photoshopping…
Grace in private… What?
Whoa — close-up of the “McCain Votes Against Veterans” dude! And a green screen! What a massive clusterfuck…
What did the heckler say?
YES! “McCain Votes Against Vets” sign-holding protester!
LIime Green Lime Green and Tangerine!
A house in the background? Is that wise, considering this guy doesn’t know how many of them he owns?
…someone get that protester a beer!
Jesus, no, seriously, stop chanting so that this can end before 11PM Hawaii time.
John McCain’s grill is stained brown with the blood of many virgins he drinks to keep his youthful vigor.
Green screen! Green screen! Green screen!
Green screen! Wooo!
Creepy Creepy smiles…
GREEN SCREEN!?
jagorev: It’s a dare. If you mess with the green, you hate freedom.
That look on Cindy McCain’s face when he introduces her - “Yes, I have sex with it,” she seems to say.
I cannot fucking believe the green screen…
jagorev: They never learn. Can’t wait to see Colbert next week.
jagorev: I just don’t get it. Are all of his appearances sponsored by the youtubes?
Dammit, I wanted to see the guy in the “Iraq Vets Against the War” shirt get tasered. Thew good stuff always happens off camera.
They’ve never heard of the youtubes, they just think green is his color. Bring on the hilarious parody videos.
“Keep uhMAREika safe from bad comb overs!”
I fell asleep during the Cindy McCain Vicodin ad… did I miss anything?
Truvy did Cindy’s hayer (aka hair) tonight for the fly-over states tonight. What a fucking rat’s nest.
She’s more my bankroll than I am hers.
How is Roberta McCain more lively than Cindy?
Wow, Roberta could not WAIT to get up and be applauded. “That’s right, bitches! Clap!”
Seriously, what is Roberta McCain’s secret? She looks nary a day over 82.
What’s Normal Bates’ mom doing there? Nah. just messing with her. She looks great for 96. Her son is a tool though.
wow mccains mom is a robot….NICE…
He just admitted politics is a business, not a personal cause. Good for him.
“To those who are undecided: Thank you for the opportunity to win your support. And thank you for watching while Sarah Palin pissed away that opportunity last night”
The fields of corn look like a sheet of mucous behind McCain’s head.
the audience is full of john mccain clones. thats how they’re so curtain palin will stay vp
OH MY GOD, THANK THE GOOD LORD JESUS THAT JOHN MCCAIN IS STILL JOHN MCCAIN! I have never been more sure than I am while he’s speaking right now that Barack Obama has this thing in the bag!
Most. Boring. Speech. Ever.
I can’t believe they have a green backdrop again after getting abused for it last time.
What’s with the backdrop? Is he back in the jungles of ‘Nam?
Ooo, McCain and Obama going at it?
Now THAT’S a C-SPAN I would love to see…
Is that pot growing in the background?
“We are fellow Americans. And that’s an association that means more to me than any other.”
My Alaskan counterpart, however, will go at you like a rabid pit bull.
“As a white citizen of a country that allows a black people to run for president, to Senator Obama, I say: you’re welcome.”
Nice how he thought he was going to have to cut off the applause about McCain–he forgot that the Refucktards are never even politely gracious (thus earning that nickname).
looks like he had his neck jowls tucked in
Good old inarenable rightsh.
vomit colored screen ooh now it’s blue.
“Tough times for many of you . . . .”
Yes, since that ASSHOLE Lincoln freed all our of SLAVES!
I LOVE YOU PINK PROCHOICE LADY
Ground noise? Static? Is he having a Nam flashback?
Viva la Cynthia: Applause about Obama that was supposed to be.
Is it just me, or does this feel like a big religious telethon?
Oh, there’s Sarah with her little sneer again when McCain says nice things about Obama. God I hate this woman.
YES! Protestor #2! Each one is like a little beam of sunshine in my heart…
Code Pink lady!
Holy Shit! CODE PINK just got in! That’s like the one cool thing they’ve ever done.
Wow. Crazy lady getting manhandled. McCain handled it really well… Sh*t.
YOU’RE NOT FUNNY, STOP LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN JOKES, DICKHEAD.
brown noise?
Thank god for Code Pink.
Yay! I love this! He’s a silly old man, and some scary pink lady tried to distract him, and the stupid “USA USA USA” chanters keep interrupting him!
Code Pink!!
Ah, he had a line ready for when his speech was inevitably interrupted by the protester. I think the crowd beat her up while shouting USA! USA!
Can’t say what his crappy convention center security says about he’ll do for national security …
the cult of USA
AnnieGetYourFun: drunk ones. i have a feeling the commenters on wonkette could not chant “U” in unison, but i’m also pretty certain that it’s irrelevant. how many cheerleaders have become world, corporate or religious leaders that made a positive improvement to humanity? cheering skills matter little.
OMG IT’S CODE PINK!!!! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?!
These are most bored looking supporters I’ve ever seen.
…to go by you side and stand on your future..
Four or five more ejected protesters might ruin this speech. That would be terrible.
helloooo? can we please address these hilarious protesters? who are determined to not let WALNUTS! get a word in edgewise?? PS Palin looks like a 3rd grade teacher. Scratch that- 6th grade.
War-shington
Ah, I can’t believe the ‘Pubs sank so low as to hire those hecklers!
Isn’t that protester our freind the beefy marine who was protesting all over months ago?
That rictus grin will give me nightmares.
I thunk it was a green screen , too. I think ,however, it is the expansive, chemically maintained, Giant-Ass American Lawn.
Which brings me to my querstion: What IS the building sat on that green lawn?
Would that be one of his…hmmm… amount of houses?
WTF!!! I think the Security just , like, break the arm of the Operation Pink agitator?
Zoiks!
“All you’ve ever asked of your government is to stand on your side…”
Does that meet the definition of torture, Senator?
They’re so desperate to fill the seats that they let the protesters in–nice.
OMGGGG! OMG!!! Palin is showing TITTY! Do you see that? TITTYYYY!!!!
Remember when the Republicans used to be the “family values” party?
sarah and olbermann have the same glasses
Thought he was going to actually talk policy there for a bit. Too bad the crowd didn’t want to hear it.
…wait. what?
The VP is the Governor of the one state that likes high oil prices. Seriously. What in the flying fuck is going on here?
Sarah Palin has worked with her hands and nose!!
that little kid, looking around for a good mother of 5
Palin’s balanced a budget? I guess with all that federal money she gets it must be easy.
Correction: Operation Pink.
She knows what it’s like to worry about mortgage payments, and healthcare, and the cost of gasoline… unlike Cindy and myself.
Worked with her nose? WTF does that mean? And what’s with the sitting down thing? Has someone been upset by her loitering?
Wait, 6 kids. The 6th is in her beehive.
doesn’t she have “special” interests
Did I hear that right? Sarah Palin has worked with her nose? Now, that’s a skill.
he’s getting far more applause for Snowbunny McShrillface than anything he’s said all night.
DONATE NOW! HE SAYS WARSHINGTON!
“… and I can’t wait until someone introduces her to me.”
“She uses her hands and nose.” Nose?
GOD, it clearly hurts his face to smile. It even looks painful.
OK, so the South Carolina-Vandy game is getting boring. Is there anything else on? Anyone?
C’MON PROTESTERS! Just a few more interruptions, then America will see the sort of temperament that we can have behind the hand on the button.
Atoz: I think he meant that she has worked on her hands and knees, with a marvelous ape.
CHANGE IS CUMMING!!!
People first, country second.
“Introduce her to Washington . . . .”
I thought Jane Hathaway always had to escort the Beverly Hillbillies around?
the poor old guy
he’s doing such a bad job
solid: yeah, like South Park… Walnuts shouldn’t be the only one filling his Depends tonight…
He’s slimmer in blue.
“I can’t wait to introduce her to Warshington.”
Oh, ha ha — she’s not here to get in anyone’s good graces, as she said last night. And I’m sure the feeling will be mutual.
For folks not in the habit of breaking their promises, he and Palin are both pretty good at it.
When he talks about the “do nothing, me first Washington crowd”, isn’t he talking about his colleagues of the past 30 years?
The Jesuses. That’s who I work for.
this old white fucker is stark raving mad and this country is scaring the shit out of me!!!
SayItWithWookies: Nah, she still put them in deficit
He keeps saying he’s a Maverick. Did he play pro basketball in Dallas some years back?
Ken, Sara, Jim and Liz,
I have some bad news for you. All the bridges going out of town have collapsed. Apparently our Republican governor has been spending all of the highway funds on a sex change operation. Personally, I don’t think he/she hasn’t changed at all so I think he’s getting ripped off. That’s not important. What is important is that you’re going to be stuck in town for a while. Can you say hotdish? I bet you can.
“Marching to the beat of a different drummer”
In this case, one who is tapping out the Horst Wessel Lieder . . . .
Magoo: I think it’s just a poor choice of clothing color–thank god she’ll take away our choices when she’s in the White House!
“My friends, please ignore that BROWN noise..” *winky wink*
Corruption. Isn’t he talking about himself again?
“She knows where she comes from.” The new perquisite for becoming second-in-command to the office if Commander-in-Chief to the United States of America. Well done, maverick. Since you work for me, you are fired. Now, let that sexy librarian fire herself for having too many wordy books in that Library of Congress or whatnot.
Yay! A colored in the crowd!
This is the same empty Hallmark bullshit as last night. Not that I’m surprised.
Really, really timid applause for taking on corruption in the Republican party.
And I violated my public trust when I was caught in the Keating Five. I will veto a pork bill unless it’s packed with goodies for Alaska and Arizona, the most important A states in A-mericuh
“…but I am in the habit of breaking my promises to my first wife”
Whose names am I gonna know? I’m a lil’ lost, Grampa.
Haha, stealing from the injuns
WORST SPEAKER EVER.
Did you guys all get the FWD’d letter from the lady in Wasilla putting the smack down on Sarah Palin? It rules. I’m going to print it out, roll it up, knock her upside the head– forcefully removing the glasses of hotness.
He’s taking prisoners and taking names and sarah is going to shoot you all at her church!
Thank God that they left the blue screen up so that we can make this speech interesting in post.
And since McCain is not going to leave problems to the next generation, does that mean he is in favor of raising taxes to get rid of the deficit?
“You will know their names! You will know their names!”. That’s specific, as far as promises go. It also sounds like “Get off of my lawn!”, but whatevs.
Big cheer for fighting union bosses. That’s going to play well in the rust belt, with the bitters.
“Nobody puts Baby in the corner!” - John McCain
“We can’t keep protesters out of our convention hall, but we’ll do better with your borders - WE SWEAR!” - The RNC
The “Cuntry First” slogan is the best, witty slogan they can come up with? Sheesh
USA USA USA USA!
Somebody needs to slow down with the teleprompter or hook him up with a vial of Visine
Is that Code Pink that’s causing the USA?! Code Pink kicks ass! I have to join.
I’ve fought lobbyists who stole from Indian tribes and I was so impressed I hired them to run my campaign!
So McCain’s a little bit of a pimp. “Sarah, meet Washington. National politics, Sarah.” And then she gets sodomized for money.
That’s a role model for your daughters!
Who are these “pundints” who predicted his campaign would fail?
mmmmm, Señor McPain,k your toupee is ready!
UASSHOLE UASSHOLE UASSHOLE!
at least the dems mixed it up a bit. this is the same fuckin speech over and over again
He looks annoyed when the crowd cheers. I understand, I mean, loud noises anger my grandfather, too.
“I’d rather lose an election than see my country lose a war.”
Be my guest — please.
:::Snark off:::
This is a really weak speech.
Not just the delivery; the content.
:::Snark on:::
I would not brag about Iraq too much, given that the Sons of Iraq are about to blow up on us.
Wow, so our military is “re-moralized” now? Tell that to the guys going back for a 3rd tour.
Miss Fitz: Please post. I would enjoy that.
Little does Sarah Palin know that McCain’s cock is named Washington.
“My fiends, in the end, I got Cindy…in the end”
what you fight for is the real test…. like your first marriage…
Ugh, stop clearing the phlegm. You can hear it in the microphone, Walnuts.
Um… isn’t this kind of boring?
lol, The Michigan delegation: “Yaaaaay!!! POOOOR PEOPLE IN MYYYYY STATE!!”
do you think he will die before november?
I think sarah will shoot him so she can run for president.
I fight for people who live in swing states.
she works 3 jobs….so can pay for my tax cuts for my 7 homes
Jesus, this man can’t deliver a GODDAMNED speech! He talks to all of us like we’re 4th grade special needs kids. And I’ve heard that awful sneery laugh at least twice. UGH.
Oh, here’s a turd farmer story stolen directly from the Obama camp…Jake coaches little league and his wife is a milk maid with two legs missing from her three-legged stool
“Would you stop cheering when I mention your fucking state? I’m trying to work here. Cunts.”
It’s his own damn fault there were protesters!
(YAY!)
He forgot to wear his magic flag pin. Doofus.
ANOTHER RETARDED BABY!!!!
Nice oblique reference to Abramoff… I guess we can tell who the good lobbyists are. They’re the ones he hired to run his campaign.
Sue works three jobs to help pay the bills.
I on the other hand, work half a job to help pay seven mortgages.
You stole the kid’s bracelet? Not cool, gramps.
Perhaps he could help the unemployed guy by giving him a house, or two.
HA HA! John McCain wears jewelry. Fag.
Let’s review: Theme from Dallas, inspirational Van Halen tunes, Cindy McCain with WhiteSnake hair, Tawny Kitaen-ish VP candidate, stiff white guy presidential candidate on a faux stripper stage…are they trying to bring back the 80s?
I hope this ends with McCain throwing a puppy into the crowd.
I can’t take it. The crowd is cheering the hard-luck stories. It’s just not working…
This is the most boring anticlimactic pack of lies. I’m slipping into a coma listening to him drone on.
Was that a mixed-race couple??!?
the country remains safe from its enemies… protected by Carl Rove… which reminds me
WHERE IS MENTION OF DICK CHENEY? REMEMBER HIM? DID LOSING TRUST HAVE TO DO WITH HIM?
This speech must be seriously hurting Bush’s feelings … want hug
“we lost their trust when we gave in to temptation and made it bigger”
Clapping for their own fuckups. Nice.
“and i fight for the michigan steel worker who builds time machines on his free time for the under privileged haitian salt workers”
They are trying to score point with having disabled children. Maybe if Bush Sr. had done this he would have been reeelected.
Topless dental hygienist anarchists for McPain!
What’s the opposite of straight talk? Why Lindsay Graaaaaaahm of course.
Hahaha, no boos for corporate welfare for oil companies in that crowd! They were all thinking, “Obama did that? I might have to check ol’ Barry out…”
OK, I take it back, it’s tied now, 10-10. SC’s QB is named “Smelly.” Isn’t that funny?
“We were elected to change Warshington and we let Warshington change us.”
Therefore re-elect us to change it the way we should have the first time?! Uh….
He knows Lincoln actually liked black people, right?
ms_mcgee: That’s good…
That “We lost their trust” echo line is really, really stupid.
Rhetorically, I mean.
There was dead silence.
we’re going to change something - back to basics…
woooo
how long - oh lord - how long….
I think members of the audience actually ate the Code Pinkers.
Yes, under McCain, we’ll have to go back to basics, because we’ll have no money, no homes, no oil, and no medicine.
god AND retards
He is not a good speaker. He’s having a hard time with the prompter.
What the hell is going on with Palin’s shirt? It keeps disappearing.
We’re all god’s children.
Except that Obama dude. He’s a muslin.
I don’t think anyone whose descendants arrived on the Mayflower was an American. Maybe ancestors.
RooseveltFranklin: I just hope it ends. No soaring rhetoric here. They should have just run that movie over and over…that’s all we’ll hear for the next 60 days anyway
Oblique reference #2: the immigration bill he had to denounce in order to please the xenophobic pricks that he’s speaking to right now.
Now he’s talking about fruit.
A confused pause before the audience gives in to cheering for the Latina daughter of migrant workers
rubybuckaroo: You’re right, he’s not wearing a flag pin! Why does John McCain hate America?
He literally winked when he said “culture of life.
God’s children? Allah might have something to say about that.
Where’s the beef?
We’re all Americans, but you just escorted those ladies out and called them background noise and static, which is it? Are they Americans or not?
I don’t know if anyone has had the “um, ok, for real, we need to talk about this: does Grandpa have Alzheimers?” talk in their family, but it’s really not fun, and it’s pretty fucking sad, and watching McCain right now it really reminds me of how the older person in the family acts before you have that talk.
It’s bad. He’s bad. He’s not healthy. HE’S NOT FUCKING HEALTHY. It’s plain as goddam day to me, and it freaks me the fuck out that this isn’t like the #1 issue in the campaign. The guy looks like he’s at death’s door, and he’s just stammering through a speech, and it makes me sad, not for him, but for the country.
So, he’s…….pro-choice?
Is he just throwing out Repubtard maxims now? “Don’t legislate from the bench!” “Personal Responsibility” “No more uppity negroes!”
How many “average” Americans know anything about Teddy Roosevelt? Sounds like an old guy talking…oh, wait.
Sarah isn’t even pretending to pay attention.
Oh, yay for impartial judges! Like Alito, Roberts and that token one.
and don’t legislate from the bench - except when it comes to undermining the Constitution or choosing the President in 2000…
Are they booing because these are blatant lies?
He’s actually got them mooing now!
more choices for yourself… except when it comes to women’s bodies.
now he’s interactive
boo
boo
boohoohoo
John HAD to bring up the U.S.S. Mayflower. It was his first sea posting after he almost washed out of the Naval Academy.
Keeping Texas low?
hockeymom: I thought it was just my inborn liberal bias but he is terrible at this.
DoktorZoom: He’s got that rural vote down.
Why does WALNUTS! always talk to me as if I am a tiny child that speaks ESL???
Why does he use the sing songy voice to try to tell us his ‘plan’? Does he think me WETODDIT?
I just realized what this reminds me of:
Alien 1: “Abortions for everyone!”
Crowd: “boooooooo….”
Alien 2: “No abortions for anyone!”
Crowd: “boooooooo….”
Alien 1: “Abortions for some and American flags for everyone!”
Crowd: “yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!”
Was the line about choices about women’s bodies or privatizing social security?
If McCain threw a chocolate lab puppy into the crowd and yelled “THIS BLACK PUPPY WANTS TO RAISE YOUR TAXES!!”, these motherfuckers would tear it to shreds in a heartbeat.
BOOOOO!!! BOOOOOOOO!!! BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
This is so low rent. A fucking amaturish pep rally for the clueless dimwits.
There are like five people here, duplicated over and over.
Fat white man, fat white woman, stringey haired white woman, frat-boy/neo-nazi, token minority.
O DUDEZ THERE IS A NEW LIVEBLOG RIGHT HERE: NEW LIVEBLOG OF THE MCCAIN.
Barack can wish away the global economy?
sweet.
Gov Pale-one is in a dyed Moose skin blazer that she herself skinned and dyed in the tub while her daughter was having sex with a HOT hockey player…
The jobs of the future. Flying cars? Sex robots?
Republicans don’t actually use the word “uppity”. Wait…..You mean, one did? Today?
Never mind.
Did anyone else know that we could wish away the global economy? I didn’t.
“It often sees that your government hasn’t even noticed.”
“We will prepare them for the jobs of day.”
You’d think he’d wear contacts so he could read the friggin’ teleprompter or something.
Lower wages!!! WOOOOOOO!!!
Man, those dozens of people are LOVING this speech!
I don’t want a bureaucrat standing between me and decent health care. I want an insurance company accountant standing between me and decent health care, the way God intended it.
I need some god damn meth, now.
I see a pattern here: applause every seven words.
Does it strike anyone else as odd that sometimes he disagrees with his own platform? In speeches like this, where he talks about how the kids of migrant workers are Americans, too, I sort of see that he’s just this poor old man that is actually better than maybe his party lets him be…is it bad I’m starting to empathize with the guy? I mean, he’s still a douche, but even still…wouldn’t have made a half-bad independent.
Its a pretty long letter, Dubya’s Pusherman… I will post it temporarily on a rarely used blogspot site, which would be themissfitz dot blogspot dot com so I don’t totally hijack this sacred space!
fucking tax-raising puppies.
Yeah, I don’t want a bureaucrat between me and my doctor. Because right now, it’s totally fucking awesome having a corporate whore insurance drone between me and a doctor. Oh and poor people don’t have health care. There. I said it.
Whoa … cutaway to an alarmed Piper Palin
There he goes on about choice again. Gotta love a pro-choice Republican….
Now he’s pro-choice? I’m confused.
That girl is ululating like a Muslim!
GET HER!!!!!
Education = civil rights fight of this generation? WTF???
Failed school bureaucracy… like No Child Left Behind.
Also, there are a stunning number of zirconia lapel pins on big haired ladies.
Let’s ship bad teachers to Pakistan, where all the good jobs are.
Close all the schools, fire all the teachers. Let the corporations educate our children!
Now, after the war crap, he talks about proposal and sound like a CVS marketing manager. I gonna puke
this exact speech, word for word could have been given by any republican in the last 50 years. no context whatsoever.
“We need to remove barriers to choice… middle class white parents shouldn’t have to send their kids to a public school to sit side by side with the children of… exotic community organizers!”
Senator Obama wants our schools to answer to unions?
Uh…really, Walnuts? Ya sure about that…?
“Rather than force companies to pay for health care, I will let Americans take lower paying jobs”
This is even a bad line reading. He can’t get a clear thought out to the crowd not watching in the hall. There ain’t no 40 million still tuned into this thing.
Student-run schools? Brilliant!
we need to continue shoveling US dollars to Blackwater, Halliburton and our other campaign contributors - including that one oil company office manager and his wife who just can’t afford to give me thousands of dollars that they don’t have - and to Iraq, and to Georgia, and to Keating, and …
I wish they were still fucking with the colors behind him and changing them constantly. That was the best part of the speech. It was like a Vanilla Fudge show at the Avalon.
Close up on the guy in the audience YAAAAAWNING…
Pr-ah-ject
Miss Fitz: Awesome, thanks for that. I’ll check it out. Thanks!
CivicHoliday: Platform doesn’t mean anything — Bob Dole ‘96
“quit sending money to countries that don;t like us very much”…. does that include Iraq?
I can’t even focus on this.. he’s SOOOO bad at public speaking, and it’s a crappy speech to begin with, with no rhythm or unifying theme… he could be mumbling through a grocery list…
here it comes… the Rape of ANWR!!!!
OK republicans, you have 4 years to practice you unison chanting. You guys SUCK.
I love that the republicans keep cutting McCain off before he finishes a thought. It’s like they’re trying to shut him up.
Who cheers for more nuclear plants?
People: please, give him a break - Sen. Magoo is doing as well as he can
“I myself will power the White House with the sheer magnitude of my flatulence.”
we’ll increase the use of Tide! your clothes will never be cleaner!
Anonymous Office Zombie: So on point!! They can’t even get a good chant going on!! USA? Like that speaks for the Repubes. How about: I LOVE COCK! (Refer to shape of stage)
‘Merkins must have oil and nucular enargy!
I heard about this one shitty teacher who wouldn’t even let her kids have desks.
“..and when I’m Pres’ent, I promise that some day we will puta man on the moon!”
not to be a huge jerk or anything, but what happened to the liveblog?
What’s with the stupid blue background? Did they run out of flags to put back there? Also lapel pins of said flags?
Rich with oil wealth and corrupt with power… like, um Palin?
check the picture of cnn.com right now. holy shit.
Cold War II here we come!
DANGEROUS THREATS IN A DANGEROUS WORLD?!?!?!?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
apocalypsethen: http://wonkette.com/402562/liveblogging-the-end-of-john-walnuts-mccains-address-to-outer-space
Wait, the military can do…better?
BURN HIM!
today - i repeat, today - this is the end of my horrible remarks.
we still haven’t got Al Qaeda, and those persians and soviet union types are evil, I tells ya!
oh yeah, and there’s that whole US economy thing - USA USA USA! -
i know how we can win the Viet Nam War at long last…
This moron couldn’t beat GWB 8 years ago; so now just vote for Obama and save you drama for Trig’s mama.
Please Mr. Blue Screen, can we get that Stephen Colbert Star Wars Thingie up there?
Awesome! Remind people you actually fucking remember Pearl Harbor.
Here’s what I want to hear:
McCain: We need more nuclear plants…
Crowd: Hooray!
McCain: in poor and indigenous areas of the country…
Crowd: Hooray!
McCain: and suburbs…
Crowd: *crickets*
drill drill drill. did y’all see the button that said: We’ve Struck Oil With Sarah Palin ?
5 brats later and she’s (still) a real gusher. texas tea….
ruining ANWR and continuing big oil’s stranglehold on the US economy may well be their true agenda…..
He speechifies like a mother reading a bedtime story. Really. Just whatch with this in mind.
I know how the world works! I spend FIVE AND A HALF YEARS on foreign soil.
Didn’t Bob Dole give this lame-o speech in 1996?
Quick Vote on cnn.com/larryking
Will you vote for John McCain?
Yes 20% 965
No 80% 3911
Total Votes: 4876
This is before the airing of Larry’s show….
and i would have got away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you crazy kids…
Seriously, we totally need to protect our security, guys.
coastalelite: what was on cnn?
I’m sorry, was that a burp?
Excuse you, McCain.
No, really. You’re excused. Please leave.
Miss Pop Tart: Rockin’, thanks for the tip.
We should definitely vote for the candidate with the most scars. Great idea.
Obama wasn’t ever tort… I mean doesn’t have scars like mine! What a pussy!
Yes your right. Barry’s baby face is unscarred.
Has he been drinking? His eyes are bloodshot and I swear he burped when he said ‘Internet revolution’.
My government hasn’t noticed that I got no boots so how am I supposed to pull myself up. He is using that condescending sing-songy voice that reminds me that he is lying. Oh, no he didn’t tell teachers to find another line of work, more like another Soviet bread line.
Did all those fat cats just have a simultaneous orgasm when “more drilling” was promised. Oh no, danger, danger Will Smith. Scare me back into the Cold War cause my hormones and Lupus are out of control. He should be a boy scout forever and leave, he’s so prepared. I’m ill.
How does he know Barry has no scars????????????????
i think he’s dozing while he’s speaking!
Yes, let’s share ideas. Because I ain’t got any good ones, and five and a half years, goddamit.
WTF? Why is there a guy in a Jester hat??
Obama has no scars? That’s a bad thing?
hardly anyone ever gets corrupt with power. especially governors of sparsely populated oil rich very northwestern states. governors with sisters formerly married to seemingly misbehaving state troopers. rock on, mcImPerfect.
His speechwriter tonight is the WORST. How can you expect these convoluted sentences to come out of any speaker sounding good?
sproggie: horrifying close-up of grampa in front of the acid-trip green screen
Holy crap–JOHN MCCAIN WAS A P.O.W.? I CANNOT BELIEVE IT AS I HAVE NEVER EVER HEARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE, EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
And hey, did I mention that I was a POW? No, really, we don’t talk about it a lot, but yeah, I totally was a war hero.
also: why are there so many peeps dressed in bizarre s&m/fetish/cartoon animal costumes? This is very creepy. And? I bet there’s a dungeon located down there.
sarah palin is his rape jokes waiting to happen
He really thinks he IS Ronald Ray-gun, doesn’t he? .
panderpanderpanderpander TORTURE panderpanderpander HANOI panderpanderpander (Remember in 2000 when I still had some dignity? I don’t…) panderpanderpander POW . . .
john mccain will whoop a threat’s ass up in this bitch
Viva la Cynthia: I know! Like we realllyyyy need choices. Thank god for Sarah SWEET TITS Palin.
Didn’t McCain’s father work in a mill?
can he not afford an editor?
POW! POW! POW!
JM, I’d *love* to listen to the rest of your speech, but The Daily Show is coming on…
Wowie!!! They finally find someone in the convention hall that managed to shed tears….WOO HOO! Of course, they did just spray her face with mace….
wow - if he’d actually done anything toward winning the war instead of crashing expensive airplanes he’d almost be a real war hero like John “Swift=boat” Kerry
My favorite part about this supposed recollection is that he used the word “propaganda” as part of it. Winston Smith would have been delighted to have written this before plowing Julia in a field.
What about the bottled hot water for dehydrated babies?
Everyone is just pissed cause CodePink disrupted their nap time.
“Country First” sounds like idolatry to me. And how does Cynthia feel about his new perky soulmate Sarah? He also has inappropriate love for his vixen he calls “America”. “My country saved me”…well there ya go. He is a pagan, cause only Jesus can save you.
WTF is a MAVRICK???
::Snark off::
Hold on a friggin’ second: wasn’t the theme the other night that “John McCain is his own man”? And now “I wasn’t my own man anymore”? I point this out only because it demonstrates again what a low-rent show this speech is. I mean, they could tie it into the previous themes a little more consistently.
::Snark back on::
I am fighting for exactly all those things…by voting for Obama.
OK, Gramps is totally having a war flashback.
fight with my strong courage and my standing fighting and my ancient history - USA USA USA
Gov. Palin keeps checking her lapels…and looking down.
Wardrobe malfuntion for votes?
Anything to save the GOP from drowning in McCain’s speech…is it the worst in the last - oh - couple of generations?
john mccain’s bones werent set property.
this is also shameful propaganda and i loathe this person. end.
that was about as exciting as a bowl of rusty nails…minus the tetanus.
“Defend the rights of the oppressed.” A republican encouraging public defenders = HIlarious. It was a Republican administration that raided Postville, Iowa, right? ugh.
Jon Stewart: “Is [Sarah Palin] dickish enough to be Vice President?”
John McCain: And just in case you thought my speech sucked, I have some fabulous balloons for everyone!
Well, the GOP has officially called in FAIL.
So the American people had the opportunity to vote for this fuking_amazing_war_hero 8 years ago,but instead they chose George W. Bush, yes, George W. fucking Bush… so now when he’s seventy-two fuk…watever
Palin = the Mind Bender, McCain = the SnoCone Machine (with no flavor, because it hurts your dentures)
VP Anita Bryant needs to get a pie in her face …
I think Cindy’s turquoise ensemble is engineered with nanotechnology. The crowd is “applauding his divorce”, says Chris. Poor Cindy, he’s already dumped her for the younger beauty queen of Wasilly.
Media response: this is a horse race, viewers, and it’s going to come down to the WIRE - don’t change that channel!
OMG! Will Andrea Mitchell make it out alive?
Somebody help Andrea Mitchell, please. Latex balls of patriotic death are making their move.
Cue the animatronic, fire-breathing eagles.
Are they kidding with all these f’ng balloons? The people that could have been fed with the money spent on this dog and pony show!!!
Tom Ridge: downtown Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: Code Rouge.
Viva la Cynthia: completely agree about the speech-writing. The delivery and language seemed much better during the last 10 minutes or so, when it was autobiographical. But the rest of it just seemed poorly written.
Jm and Palin need Matching Gold Teeth for added Bling
My Maverick rusted out and Died on Route 6
This was the biggest collection of douchebags for 2008. Tonights crowd makes NASCAR look like a mensa convention.
Satyrn74: … and Bristol Parker.. look at Paris Hilton and meet your future. I give her 3 years before she’s divorced and living on the Surreal Life TV show, drunkily groping a passed-out Vern Troyer.
MplsMama: I actually LOL’d. Thank you!
“8:27 PM — There are still plenty of seats tonight.”
Stop your East Coast Media bitchin’. The so-called ‘empty’ RNC seats are occupied by the spirits of the unborn fetuses of Palin’s church of the Wasilla Assembly of God and meth addicts. We are fa-mi-ly.
You can’t trust anyone, I paid Shehann $20. to throw a bag of Monkey shit on McCain and the drunk BITCH tripped and got it all down her blouse.
S.Luggo: ROTSOMRB!*
*rolling on the sidewalk outside my refrigerator box
You guys! I had no idea he was the candidate of change! http://www.entertonement.com/clips/22488/John-McCain/RNC-2008-John-McCain-Speech/RNC-2008-Day-4/Change-is-coming
Audio from the whole speech is up here: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2917/RNC-2008-John-McCain-Speech
omg hilarious “real mcCain of genius” campaign ad a la beer commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6xR-_fvUOY
Doesnt lindsey graham look and talk like a KKK member.I can see in his face when he was saying his bullshit speech that he was dying to say NIGGER!
Mccain speech was weak same old bullshit! I thought that 911 video was the most pathrtic disgraceful thing ive ever seen there trying to use fear tactics by exploiting those poor americans that died very sad.If he gets elected he’s gonna start a war with russia and reinlist the draft! fucking piece of shit.