2nd amendment says this dude needs a corn dog!
We really went to the damned Ron Paul rally. It was honestly depressing. This guy was just cold enforcing the Constitution on these food-service workers trapped in Target Center all day with these losers counting out their change for another chili dog. We have other sad pictures, if you want to cry or laugh or whatever people do.

Give me liberty or give me another foot-long.
We approached the basketball arena with trepidation. Would angry mobs of costumed losers be waiting outside to yell at passers-by? Nah. Just a few dozen people milling around, including four nice young dudes offering free tickets to anybody! Totally free!

Now the senator came down here, Showing ev'ryone his gun, Handing out free tickets, To the wedding of his son.
This was much better than going to the media room and telling Ron Paul’s loyal media helpers that Ken Layne of Wonkette would like press credentials, which would’ve somehow resulted in assault charges, against your editor. Plus, free bumper stickers and shit! (There is a two-inch-thick pile of Paultard stuff sitting next to the desk here at the Wonkette suites, and some of it might be funny, but so far nobody wants to go through it or even touch it, really. If nothing else, the pocket-sized copies of the Constitution will be handy if we ever get a chance to make a move on Elizabeth Kucinich.)

Golden years, gold whop whop whop
Aw, look at the cute kid in the anti-fiat-currency oversized T-shirt, hiding his malnourished body. Gold is money, sure, and these people don’t have some.

Lonely are the Brave.
Granted, it was still a couple of hours before Ron Paul spoke and, uh, before that troubled GOP Nashville singer gal was scheduled to do a 20-minute set at the end of the show. But there was no line, no crowd, just empty quiet and sorrow. When your editor left for good, some time after 3 o’clock, there was still nobody lined up.

Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them gol-darned Reds. I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed ...
The John Birchers got a colored kid for their display! Join the ReLOVEution or something!

Somebody painted over paint ... painted wood.
Farewell, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul! Good-bye, handful of quiet Paultards. It was time to go back to St. Paul and await the real crazy people: Sarah Palin and those frothing-at-the-mouth delegates stomping and hollering when she cleverly made fun of the black fellow “helping the community” or whatever. Ha ha, poor people are losers!

VIDEO: Limp Blimp Sags Through Ron Paul Liberty Bummer

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • grendel

    Now I feel bad for the Paultards… thanks

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    (1) Can’t believe you guys took so long to post this stuff.
    (2) Can’t believe you aren’t giving away some of the Ron Paul give-aways to the Wonketteers with the most whore diamonds.

  • vicuna

    First! And last, probably. That was depressing.

  • columnv

    “Stand up for America; Be American”

    These guys are a bunch of fucking asshats, or better, tri-cornered-asshats.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I wouldn’t trust anyone who claims to be U.S. Constitution Enforcement and wear a beret!

  • SayItWithWookies

    That is one emphatically patriotic bumper sticker!!

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Wow. I didn’t think anything could be more pathetic than the GOP shindig. I was soooo wrong.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Don’t feel bad for poor Paultards – remember: the market works.

  • Jonny Lieberman

    John fucking Birch?


  • Monsieur Grumpe

    It’s a good thing you weren’t recognized. But then again, you could probably easily outrun them cause all that gold would weigh them down.

  • qwerty42

    After the Great Paultard War, I don’t think they’d treat you any too well, Ken.

  • Strictly for the Tardcore

    Oh shit, the Paul concert or whatever the fuck has AT LEAST one more black guy than the GOP convention! Ron Paul is a UNITER.

    As a sidenote, how much are they paying that guy where he figures it’s worth his while to have to deal with cranky Paultards all day?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=84308]grendel[/re]: What? DO NOT EVER SAY SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS.

  • pondscum

    You didn’t stay for the Sara Evans concert? That could have provided some seriously bad white-guy dancing photos.

  • njdon

    it would be nice if pat buchanan could just fade away like this group.

  • Strappo

    That malnourished kid was hiding his equipment from Daddy (face and graceful form hidden).

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I want a U.S. CONSTITUTION ENFORCEMENT t-shirt so bad.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    WTF! Why is some artist rubbing shit in the faces of poor jobless stoned Paultards across the nation by painting a picture of Ron Paul talking on an elitist subversive iPhone?

  • Scarab

    I’m sorry, who is Ron Paul again?

  • Serolf Divad

    So it was like a Star Trek convention, but you were supposed to dress like an 18th century colonial rather than Federation Issue uniforms?

  • TGY

    Thus the universe ends with the sound of a cow pissing on a shingle.

    …I read that somewhere.

  • Scarab

    Actually it’s pretty impressive that this few people could erect so many half-assed billboards across America.

  • Terry

    …and yet the Paultard-a-palooza had more people than did the RNC convention that day (Salon article)

  • Pawdedoo

    Your camera is teh suck. Just sayin’! Can you upgrade to the type of camera you don’t buy wrapped in hard plastic in the checkout line?

  • tsunami

    shit…it’s october.

    i’ve got to quit drinking…and maybe the reefer, too…

  • sweetits

    I can haz a pocket constitution?

  • sanantonerose

    Man, that portrait would look bitchin’ over my fireplace. Or in it.

    Oh, I can’t hide my affection for Ron Paul. He’s Lord of My Hometown District. Helped my brother get on at the VA. Graduated with his daughter. Nice man. Really.

  • dano

    [re=84341]Serolf Divad[/re]: It was just like a Star Trek convention. The only difference was the Ron Paul rally had way more virgins.

  • rev_matt_y

    And Ron Paul stayed flat…

  • Spence

    Heh. Ron Paulz Haz IPHONE!

  • 4tehlulz

    The John Birch Society shows more diversity on its poster than the party once led by Abraham Lincoln.

    Jesus Fucking Christ.

  • Yaybuls

    So much hatred for Ron Paul spews forth from this site…

    Wonkette is starting to come across as the Frank Grimes to Ron Paul’s Homer Simpson: Everyone says, “Ahh, leave ‘ol Ronny alone, he’s harmless!” But “Grimey” Wonkette insists on screaming: “NO, NO! Can’t you all SEE?! He’s a complete and total IDIOT!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?!?!?”

  • StrangelyBrown

    If we’re all supposed to be American, then why can’t I get paid in Ameros?

  • freppish

    i think the reason not many people showed up is it would brake laws on amounts fail per square mile

  • tunamelt

    [re=84351]sanantonerose[/re]: A friend of mine worked with him, says he’s unfailingly polite. Random, I know.

  • S.Luggo

    I like to order one mooseburger please, a polar bear meat frosty, and an order of fries, heavy on the BP.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=84361]Yaybuls[/re]: Wow, you really have us confused with….your paranoid delusions? Please don’t make the mistake of confusing our eternal amusement by all things paultard with hatred. That’s WAY more effort than most of us would put into it. You know, like your tortured Simpson’s analogy.

  • Miller

    Stand up for America? I was promised there’d be no exercise requirement of any kind. At least they agree with me that gold, is in fact, money. Though I do wonder how they were able to paint that picture of my grampa on the cell phone.

  • Darehead

    [re=84323]Jonny Lieberman[/re]: Ron Paul = JohnBirch 2.0

    Paul’s ideology is exactly the same as that of the Birchians of 1950s-60s. Only difference was that then people called it for what it was: the extreme far right.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=84361]Yaybuls[/re]: Maybe if his followers did not come over here and act like dipshits, we would not dislike them so much.

    It would also help if Paul was not batshit insane.

  • MrAgro

    Nice Pavement reference in the alt-text for that hilarious picture of Ron Paul’s official presidential portrait.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    It’s not the arrow, it’s the Indian.

  • TGY

    [re=84447]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: It’s not the Indian, it’s what’s in the peace-pipe. ‘sides, I thought Wonkette pics were supposed to be deliberately..well..wonky. Also, if it’s Liz G. doing the photographing, I stand behind her, sight-unseen. Something like that. Whatevs.

  • TGY

    [re=84344]Scarab[/re]: “Half-assed erections” Check!

  • wilmawonker

    food workers. target….mmm, popcorn, WANT.

  • Cape Clod

    I will so miss the Ron Paul inspired art. Can you guys do a retrospective sometime?

  • Borat

    were they were serving booze at those vending stands? if so, best convention ever!

    (ideally i would like them to be also offering up Afgan Kush or Moroccan Black by the gram)

  • masterdebater

    Ok, I’m not kidding here. This shit scares the crap out of me. I mean, that John Birch Society picture? Little smiling kids? Mixed races? I guess we aren’t supposed to know anything about these Nazis? Damn, my dad was right! You really can get away with anything, if you stand in front of an American flag with your hand over your heart.

  • Darehead

    [re=84585]masterdebater[/re]: Your father knows best. Not only do Paul/Birchers stand in front of the flag, they also claim to be anti-war while spewing out hatred, militia-ism, paranoia, isolationism, radical nativism and theocracy. Yup, scary. Indeed. Keep an eye on your fertilizer supplies.

  • Mr. Herpes

    That clunk-clunk-clunk you hear is Lyndon LaRouche beating his head on the bars of his jail cell. Come to think of it, Cheney looks ALOT like ol’ LL. Hmmmmm.

  • Strappo

    Where the fuck is wonkette? BILL FRIST IS ON! He’s gained weight, he no matter seemeth the lean and hungry man, etc. Sort of cute, if you like blowhard fucking WASPs. (I don’t.)

    Oh wonkette wonkette wo bist du?

  • Strappo

    The sound is off and the delegates look mad bored with Frist. A few perfunctory cheers and waves of the red-white-&-blue. Henry Kissinger is rubbing some old fart’s arms like he wants to make fire. Frist is off the stage, to be replaced by another useless piece of shit. It’s some skinny, dikey looking woman named Lt. Gen. Carol Muffey or something, I’m not so good at liveblogging, I took real subjects is high school. She looks like the sort who’d shove a broom up Lina Blair’s pussy. Even the vets look so bored and skeptical. And they’re wearing their VFW hats!

    Quick, ask Cindy for some uppers! Evryone’s falling asleep. They want the Man, Mr. 5.5 years. Or Lady Macbeth in Mukluks.
    They showed Kissinger with Olympia Snowe. She ad her arms crossed and looked unconvinced by whatever the evil old fuck was selling.

    Who the fuck is this motivational speaker? Oh Sam Brownback. This is clearly a pee break before the big event. The only ones still in their place are the fat guys who are too lazy/diabetic to move. The enthusiasm quotient is low and going lower. Will McTurd wake them up? Will they spring to their feet and huzzah themselves hoarse? We’ll see in 6-7 hours.

    Jesus, what I’d give to see Larry Craig to his thang. Or Todd — mmm, getting nasty with a sled dog.

    That’s enough. More wine. I am a wine blogger, you know, you political fuckheads.

  • trai_dep

    I somehow expected to see more marijuana-leaf t-shirts. How disappointing.

  • Navnek

    I do not know what rally you were at, but it obviously was not the Rally for the Republic that I attended. Thousands of intelligent, if diverse people who value freedom above all else, who ENTHUSIASTICALLY supported the candidate of their choice. Unlike at the RNC, where many held their noses and voted for the lesser of the evils that the media had defined for them. For most, it was feigned enthusiasm at the RNC.

    Funny that Dr. Paul is singled out for more derision and disrespect than the rest of the candidates, most of whom deserve NOTHING but disrespect. Why is it that the Neocons and the so-called liberals so disrespect Dr. Paul???

    Could it be that they fear he is right? Can not take him on intellectually, so mindlessly and childishly call him names? I am not impressed. Given that DR. Paul has foretold of the economic devastation and the accompanying attack on our liberties that we now witness, you would think that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would want to hear more of what he has to say.

  • TumbleweedSteve

    Just keep believing the left/right BS, drink plenty of fluoridated water. Believe that global warming is man-made, that O-bama will end the war and bring the troops home, that you can buy your way out of debt with…(wait for it)…more debt. That there is such as thing as a jobless recovery, or that a national healthecare system would fund itself, and that welfare and free medical and government assistance are all rights that shouldn’t cost anything and your governemnt should provide you with. And then…one day…when you wake up and understand the facts that the government does not produce anything, and you are a slave to the new world order, and Obama helped get you there as well as Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon…
    Well…you get the picture. Oh slave to the UN…
    OH BROTHER! Where art thou? How you like La’-Bomba now?

Previous articleIt’s Homecoming Weekend
Next articleWasilla Is Meth Capital Of Alaska, Of Course