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Goodbye, funny pal!The most patriotic mayor in the world will not be mayor of Detroit anymore. Kwame Kilpatrick has reached a plea bargain with authorities, so now he has to resign and serve four months in jail, and also he will repay the city ONE MILLION DOLLARS. After the jump, a quick review of the mayor’s goofy hijinks that we shall never see again now that he is an awful humiliated loser who can’t spell “Ben’s Chili Bowl.”

  • He threw a party with lady strippers at his house in 2002. His house was the mayor’s mansion.
  • He sent sexy text messages to his chief of staff, like a clown.
  • He lied under oath about some boring and less salacious thing … oh right, firing the cops who found out about the affair.
  • And then he vetoed his own removal from office!
  • And beat up some cops who came to his sister’s house!
  • And blamed the text messages on malicious Internet haxxors!
  • And violated his whatever, his don’t-go-to-Canada-while-indicted-for-everything deal.

    Finally Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm said ENOUGH OF THIS SHAMEFUL NONSENSE and called for removal proceedings, which lasted uh two-ish days. As part of his plea deal, Kwame Kilpatrick will not be able to run for public office for five years. Later, haters! Wonkette will see you all in 2013.

    Mayor: ‘I lied under oath’ [Detroit Free Press]

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