jesus christ has returned to earth

Liveblogging Famous Historical War Leader Sarah Palin at the RNC

The next pretend president, after Old McCain dies!Guess who hasn’t been mentioned at all tonight? America’s favorite president, George W. Bush Junior! It’s as if Republicans haven’t held the White House for the past eight years. Who can remember that far back? So let’s welcome the new Geraldine Ferraro, “Barracuda Sarah” Palin — her own sister just called her that, on CNN — as she squeaks through a speech destined to give John McCain the SURGE he needs to finish this campaign as a complete sell-out loser who stands for nothing. Go Sarah!

9:16 PM — “John McCain’s presidential campaign is threatening a lawsuit against the National Enquirer over a print edition story the tabloid ran today alleging that Gov. Sarah Palin has had an extramarital affair with her husband’s business partner.” Wait, what?
9:17 PM — Just watching Rudy da Rat finish up. Thank the American God that John McCain is not afraid of choosing a strong anti-Islamic war hero as his vice president! It would be so great if Giuliani just fell over dead right now, and was found to be wearing a bondage outfit under that million-dollar suit — a bondage outfit made of korans.
9:20 PM — Hey, there’s going to be a funny video biography of Sarah Palin, set to banjo music. Let’s go refill our drinks and get ready for this great new show, narrated by Waylon Jennings and Sam McGee.
9:29 PM — Wait, what the hell, where’s the video biography? Rudy just kept screamin’ about Arabs forever! Anyway, hi Sarah. Sorry about, uh, this fucking train wreck, which you are at least partly responsible for, because you said “Yes” when Walnuts called.
9:31 PM — She already can’t lead: She’s been dumbly saying, “Thank you … Thank you so much” like a voice-mail robot for like nine hours now, instead of waving her hand and starting the speech.
9:32 PM — Video feed is blinking out as she says she’ll accept the nomination — legally, according to the Constitution, this means she can’t be the veep nominee and Ron Paul automatically becomes president.
9:32 PM — Let’s talk about the look, out of sexism. Well, she looks a lot better than Crazy Cindy! But the hair is kind of … frivolous, really. The top is okay, although it doesn’t work with those (fake?) pearls pushing right down on the collar. And she sounds like a nine-year-old kid.
9:34 PM — This whole thing of complaining about “politics” after freakin’ Rudy Giuliani gives a spittle-flying insane wingnut-radio rant, that’s just quaint. We mean, “bullshit.”
9:35 PM — Ha, do you know that she believes GOD made Cheney invade Iraq?
9:36 PM — Ugh, this is painful. Couldn’t somebody with a better voice and command of language just read a speech for her, offstage, the way the Chinese did the Olympic singing trick?
9:38 PM — This isn’t a veep nominee’s speech. It’s a goddamned infomercial for home-schooling.
9:38 PM — It’s a good thing Sarah Palin will be the friend and advocate of the special-needs kids, should she somehow get to the White House if everybody else running all dies, and all the voters die, in a plague. Because with Palin’s advocacy and, say, a personal fortune, you could take care of your special-needs kids!
9:40 PM — This is really incredible. We need a new, meaner word for “vapid lightweight.”
9:41 PM — She grew up with Harry Truman! No wonder people say she aged well — she’s 100 years old!
9:43 PM — Ha ha, community organizers help dirty negroes, but mayors of 6,000-population help white people.
9:44 PM — This is cute, watching her read the attack-dog speech. You are all free to hate her now, because she’s a tool.
9:44 PM — From ditzy hockey mom to snarling monster in 15 minutes! This really is like a terrible movie about rednecks on oxycontin.
9:45 PM — Good lord, this whole crowd is now madly chanting … NBC? CNN? US Weekly? It’s all a mesh of insanity.
9:46 PM — Ha ha ha ha John McCain wasted his whole life sucking off the national media, and now snowbilly gets the job of coming out and acting like this never happened, despite John McCain becoming a national celebrity in Nineteen-Seventy-Three and riding that story all the way to the GOP nomination after everybody else dropped out.
9:50 PM — Wow, these lies about the “Bridge to Nowhere,” which Palin supported, are going to end up being in Obama commercials tomorrow.
9:51 PM — But kudos to whoever wrote this part of the speech, because it makes her 18 months as governor sound like actual accomplishments, instead of an artfully constructed list of literally everything she did on every day as governor since 2007.
9:54 PM — It’s a chamber of commerce speech! (For the oil industry.)
9:55 PM — Oh my god that dirty negro wrote two books!!! (Wild cheering, stomping, standing, lynching ropes, etc.)
9:55 PM — Ha ha, she is complaining about the roar of a crowd, to the roar of a crowd. Do not try to follow this or your head will explode.
9:56 PM — “Victory in Iraq is in sight, and he [Obama] wants to forfeit.” Wait, isn’t Bush the president who just agreed to leave?
9:57 PM — What will be interesting is seeing this character speaking in front of anyone other than mouth-breathing GOP delegates. Because we have never seen such an ugly combination of dimwit “Meet my kids!” and pissy talk-radio talking points.
10:00 PM — It’s now 10 p.m. in the Central time zone, which means it’s 11 p.m. in the Eastern zone, which means Ohio and Florida and Pennsylvania (and Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee and Virginia) all just lost their prime-time convention coverage. Remember, these conventions are for the registered-yet-baffled voters who come across the prime-time convention coverage. Good jerb, RNC!
10:07 PM — America, we’ve met Sarah Palin before. It was in junior high. She was that snarling evil god-obsessed nut who punished you constantly and enjoyed nothing more than torture — seeing you tortured, that is. And your parents would never quite believe it because she “seemed like a nice lady,” from a distance, with her squeaky voice.
10:08 PM — But, let there be no doubt, she will be hailed by the cable commentators as the greatest orator in American/World history, and then tomorrow the evil media will get back to reporting on whatever new cheap bullshit they dig up about her wingnut church and seventeen affairs and whatever. Hooray 4 America! Clap for the knocked-up teen-ager!
10:10 PM — Ol’ Walnuts McCain waddled out, as planned — he arrived at Xcel an hour ago — and gave Sarah a semi-human hug. She made the pursed lips.
10:11 PM — “Don’t ya think we made the best choice for the next vice president of the United States? And what a beautiful family.” Honestly, that’s what McCain just said. Dear god ….
10:12 PM — This weird scene is the only thing prime-time network teevee people saw on the West Coast. It’s kind of perfect.
10:14 PM — “She is a torpedo aimed directly at Barack and Michelle Obama. This has nothing to do with Hillary Clinton.” — Chris Matthews, just now, sounding kind of shocked and disgusted.
10:14 PM — Ha, Olbermann and Matthews are snapping at each other again. After Matthews’ pretty astute comments (astute because they are the same basic comments we made, HA), Olbermann says something weird about the name of a character from a movie, which he then has to mention (Election) and the actress (Reese Witherspoon), and then it passes to David Gregory and Matthews is muttering loudly, “Well that’s not what I think, that’s not my view.” Olbermann didn’t come to St. Paul because Chris Matthews is going to beat the shit out of him.)

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. Viva la Cynthia

    Just cuz I like thinking about Elizabeth Dole cursing, I’ll repeat:

    I bet Elizabeth Dole is sitting at home right now with a big ol’ smile thinking, “fuck all a’ y’all.”

  2. rikitikitavi

    John S. McCain? cool it on the S, Palin! McCain doesn’t like being reminded that his middle name is sidney!!!!

  3. jagorev

    Wingnut and dreadfully unqualified as she is, I can’t help but feel a little thrill down my leg at the thought that the Republican party’s new standard bearer will be an attractive, nice, authentic young lady rather than douchebags like Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani. For this alone, America owes a debt of gratitude to John S. McCain.

  4. Gopherit v2.0

    Wow, the republicans are progressive. They accept nominations for Vise President before President. Wait, they don’t Ooops.

  5. NoWireHangers

    This whole Convention looks like shit. The production value is shit. The crowd is old white men. The hall has empty patches. They chant “USA” and laugh at community organizers. They don’t have snappy video intros. It’s a shoestring convention in comparison to the DNC.

  6. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Rudy’s diatribe went so long that they had to ditch the warm up video for Palin. They can’t run a convention, and they want to run a country?

  7. knitgrrl

    [re=82625]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: Keep an eye on the Maine delegation, I bet Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins are doing shots!

  8. professor.cj

    I totally halfway called the hair! Fucking loser RNC couldn’t decide. Up or down? Up or down? Losers. Trying to appeal to everyone satisfies no one. When will they ever learn? Now she’s not sexy librarian at work or sexy librarian at home–she’s like some junior choir leader. Totally not sexy. Fail.

  9. Rudy's Microphone Wiper-Downer

    She talks like she’s masticating her face.

    And did you know that John McCain was in the military? This is the first I’m hearing of this. Why didn’t they say so before?

  10. NoWireHangers

    [re=82625]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: That’s what I said. If WALNUTS! wanted a woman, why not at least go with Elizabeth who isn’t a complete baffoon? He wanted a young, purdy one with babies.

  11. AmuseRiot

    What is with the strange non-specific accent. Also she just said, “lose an election, win a war.” DRINK

  12. eekahil

    There she is!!!
    Are Skipper and Gilligan appearing? Well, no, this is prolly more of a Thurston and Lovie crowd.

  13. knitgrrl

    OMG she really DID just exploit the crap out of her Army son… and note the AND HE IS LEAVING ON 9/11 thing.

  14. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=82644]Keram2[/re]: They don’t even have to write anything since she already gave her children the most hilarious names ever!

  15. OffTheRecord

    Track is kind of hot. But I would not do him because these people make way to many babies. And I do not want a baby because I am a bad American.

  16. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=82626]Godless Liberal *[/re]: She and Bill will be getting it on tomorrow during McCain’s speech.

  17. vikram200

    Levi looks like he’s having the time of his life.

    Sidenote: When you name your kids dumbshit names like Track and Trig, you clearly need attention.

  18. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I do not know what this means.

    It means Monica Lewinsky’s got another job waiting for her in January.

  19. forgracie

    Secret Service agent to Levi Johnston, “come with us.”

    Levi Johnston, “Dude, it’s a school night.”

    Secret Service agent, “Of course it is.”

  20. Terry

    She’s bragging about how many kids in her family enlisted. That’s because when you drop of school (or are chucked out) you have limited options, a fishing boat, the oil field or the military. Are these boys afraid of fishin or drillin?

  21. chunkstyle

    word, they’re using Trig like a prop. Wouldn’t it be better for him to not be at a convention right now? He going to grow up and write some fantastic memoirs. More lucid that anything ol’ Sarah Failin be saying.

  22. Hopetarded

    They had all these days and THAT’S what they did with her hair? It looks like a hairdini threw up on the back of her head.

  23. snott

    Finally an advocate for special needs families in the White House! Because Dems hate the handicapped apparently?

  24. chascates

    But you parents with special needs kids WON’T be getting any government help, just our friendship & prayers!

  25. The 3-Legged Man

    Oh, look, now she’s an advocate of the “special needs” set…..christ on a fucking hammock, the snowmobile reference……good god…..

  26. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=82667]AmuseRiot[/re]: What is with the strange non-specific accent.

    I think Alaska is in Canada.

  27. SayItWithWookies

    “Mothers of special needs children will have an advocate in the White House.”
    I thought they already did.

  28. themightysea

    [re=82637]NoWireHangers[/re]: SO MUCH! I think it proves that my fellow graphic designers, as a constituency, are reliably blue. (Politically speaking — we still like to wear black.)

  29. knitgrrl

    My boyfriend: “Ok, what’s your political platform? now that we’ve covered the whole Hee-Haw gang”

  30. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Hey, let’s talk some more about childrens, now shall we? I’m Sarah Palin, the mommie VP. I’m a mom and I talk about children and how I can give birth all the time.

    Seriously, WTF is this?!? How is this woman qualifed for anything not involving small town American domestic life??????

  31. Terry

    Oooh, she’s going to advocate for special needs kids and their families? A good idea, Sarah. Will that involve spending tax dollars?

  32. The 3-Legged Man

    She’s repeating the same fucking speech from the other day…..

    Please, not the goddddammmned glass ceiling…..please….no…..

  33. BruceLee5000

    YEaaaaahhhh!!! WHHHOooooo! Let’s get Retarded in HERE!

    (and by “Here,” I mean Grammy Palin’s uterus. …er, rather, uterU.S.of A!)

  34. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=82655]grendel[/re]: Just be happy that now that the 20-month governor of Alaska has pronounced the war over, it is really over.

  35. Komando

    “And my favorite color is pink, and I like rainbows, and fairies, and unicorns and then shooting the unicorn from an airplane and field dressing it.”

  36. jagorev

    She’s been dumbly saying, “Thank you … Thank you so much” like a voice-mail robot for like nine hours

    Yes! That’s exactly what she sounds like when says thank you. I knew that voice was familiar. I can’t wait till the National Enquirer confirms that Sarah is in fact the auto-attendant lady.

  37. professor.cj

    Do the Republicans even know what they’re hooting and clapping for anymore? Unions? Snow machines? Are they high? Are they really Mexicans brought in from meat packing plants for the evening at threat of deportation to clap or else?

  38. Whitey Did Katrina

    She can’t deliver her speech. She just can’t. She stresses the wrong words. In every line. She’s awful. They’re going to have to change her nickname from “Barracuda” to “Admiral Stockdale” when Biden is done debating her.

  39. Slutty_Chola_Cobbler

    I always knew This Palin was an undercover slut with those freaky glasses!!

    I wonder if the affair created TRIGGER Palin?

    Things that make a wonketter go hmmmm??

    I still can’t get over them naming their sons TRACK & TRIG.. And let’s not forget BRISTOL!!
    All homegurl needs now is a Trailer on the White house Lawn and it’s HeeHaw baby making sexy times!!!

  40. SkimLatteModerate

    Does she think she’s giving a speech at her brother’s wedding or something? I don’t give a fuck about your inbred family, you dumb bitch (note: apparently I’m the same gender as this person, so it’s allowed).

  41. AmuseRiot

    Isn’t she supposed to be convincing us that she’s ready to be Commander in Chief? This is clown shoes bible study…Frozen North edition…

  42. Viva la Cynthia

    Has anyone else noticed that the Republicans have got it way up for Harry Truman this time ’round (more than her just now)? What’s the deal? Maybe it’s that kindred S.?

  43. HedonismBot

    Forgive me if someone already said this, but Levi is TENSE. If McCain’s mommy taps him on the shoulder, he will jump 15 feet out of his chair.

  44. The 3-Legged Man

    Like all of you, our husband’s have had DUI’s….for god sake, the PTA reference…

  45. catdance

    Were they too cheap to make a little movie about her to tell us all this crap?
    Do they figure she’ll be gone soon, so why waste the money?
    Why are they letting her squawk on like this?
    Tell her how to pronounce a G.
    “And I had to get married when my guy Todd knocked me up”

  46. NoWireHangers

    God…if you fall for this shit, if you honestly beleive in the lies they’re spewing and the hollow slogans they throw around, then you deserve what will happen if these scumbags get into the White House…


    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALHfkd;ajkfd;sa fhdlka jfsl; af;sajdl;ajl;faL!!!!

  47. Viva la Cynthia

    My favorite analogy on the SAT:
    Sarah Palin is to “Hockey Mom” as Rudy Giuliani is to “9/11.”

  48. PedestrianMe

    CNN online reporter Reggie Aqui reported that the “handmade” signs were made en masse and handed out by one person.

  49. Keram2

    Sarah, if you don’t want to make your family an issue in this election, then stop fucking talking about them ad nauseam.

  50. SystemError

    Just said her husband has “Eskimo” heritage. Not cool for someone from Alaska to know that most Native Alaskans see this as a slur.

  51. professor.cj

    [re=82765]NoWireHangers[/re]: She called herself a pit bull! That’s moxie! She can handle them Iraqis!

  52. Fat Old Dirty Whore

    Ok that little girl pasting down that baby’s hair is about ten thousand flavors of adorable.

  53. hrhkingfriday

    But, Sarah, you *don’t* know what the job involves. Unless you’re flip flopping or “learning” (whatever that elitist shit is).

  54. NoWireHangers


    I can’t. You can’t. What are they? What the Fuck? I mean? Did they not JUST say Barry had no experience, and now they’re saying Palin has enough experience? IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE. God, you HAVE to be retarded to eat this shit up.

  55. The 3-Legged Man

    Yes! Running Wasilla is verrrrrrrrry complex…. the moose crossing sign keeps getting shot up…

  56. Monsieur Grumpe

    I’m going to sum up all the speeches tonight, in order.
    Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, fluff, fluff, fluff.

  57. Gopherit v2.0

    I didn’t need focus groups and profiles…..but I did need a lobbyist!

    Ooooh. i’m all atwitter to hear about the job of a mayor in shitberg Alaska.

    And she had responsibilities Like hiring a city manager to do her job for her?

  58. Anonymous Office Zombie

    You are kidding me? “Like a community organizer only with actual responsibilities.” These people have no soul.

  59. OffTheRecord

    WTF. Was that kid licking the baby?

    This community organizer shit is getting kind of old. I kind of hate you Caribou Barbie.

  60. BruceLee5000

    I can’t believe they clapped when she said hubby Todd was a UNION MEMBER.

    Gasp. “Get a rope. er… coat hanger.”

  61. barren earth

    I was president of my high school chess team…guess I have executive experience too! duh-amn! Community organizers are getting smacked around tonight..take that, bitches.

  62. Keram2

    Man, Jesus totally would not be cool with the whole “community service” thing. You’re so right Palin.

  63. zippy

    “Mothers of special needs children will have an advocate in the White House.”
    I thought they already did.

    She got voted out in 1992

  64. Rudy's Microphone Wiper-Downer

    Woot..somebody’s getting tossed out. Bad news though: To show it on the TVs, they had to show all those farking empty seats.

  65. SayItWithWookies

    Did Democrats belittle her mayordom of Wasilla? ‘Cause I remember two weeks ago when Karl Rove was talking about how Tim Kaine was a lousy VP pick because, before becoming governor for three years, he had been the mayor of a town of 150,000. (In reality it’s closer to 230,000 but whatever).

  66. Sara Benincasa

    She is a goddess. I am obsessed with her. Please, let this woman reign in our hearts and minds forever. I also would like for her to force me to push a squealing parasite out from my pussy, because I’m not allowed to take a pill to make a few cells go bye-bye after a condom breaks. She’s just that sexy.

  67. Gopherit v2.0

    Fuckin A….she’s right about one thing….she is not now, nor will she ever be, a part of the political elite.


  68. rikitikitavi

    oh, yeah, being mayor of wasilla is just like being a community organizer in chicago–except it has responsibilities.

    also, except that five square blocks in chicago has the same population as her town. and did she have to deal with inner city crime? right

  69. graceless

    [re=82846]Lorax[/re]: Yes, She licked her hand, to smooth down the Down baby’s hair. For those of you who just tuned in, I’m evil.

  70. simetrias

    [re=82802]angryhippopotamus[/re]: Did ya see little Poplin or whaterever her name is wet the baby’s hair with spit????

  71. rhet_orical

    FINALLY!!! it would not be a republican convention if they did not knock the town i have lived in my whole life–San Francisco!!! i was starting to worry. i now feel whole.

  72. Rodney Badger

    [re=82796]DieOnTheTurnpike[/re]: It’s all the hormones in milk. Expect a cottage industry of lawsuits for breast cancer caused by hormones in dairy products.

    I mean, have you ever noticed how 12-14 year olds have huge tits? I have.

    (don’t hit Submit Comment you fool!!!)

  73. Palinator

    So cool. This is totally falling to pieces. She is so bad. They should have found out if she could talk first.

    Maybe they picked her because she was the only republican who would make McCain look like a good public speaker?

  74. jarsilver

    [re=82887]hrhkingfriday[/re]: I seriously think that’s an Israeli flag.

    oh noes The Jews are taking over!

  75. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    We are over 17 minutes into this speech, and has she given a single reason why she should be a heart beat away from the presidency? I mean, other than she is not an uppity negro?

  76. jagorev

    Leave this nation better than we found it? What, America isn’t good enough for you already, Sarah bin Palin Hussein Obama?

  77. Maurice Levy

    I can’t wait until she actually has to form a coherent thought in a debate rather than reading the Republican hate-points.

  78. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=82890]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Don’t go there yet. She’s doing herself enough failure without bringing that up.

  79. snig

    [re=82611]NoWireHangers[/re]: They should have the woman who starred in Fargo overdub her voice.
    It’d be charming even if she’s still speaking republican.

  80. floraway

    I have never had a real job in politics. In fact, I don’t even understand how to govern. But the media is all “why don’t you understand foreign policy? Why won’t you answer our questions? Why are you under investigation in your home state?” and I’m all like, “I don’t care what you think. I just know that idiots will like my accent, the fact that my daughter is pregnant, and that I had a retarded baby.”

  81. Viva la Cynthia

    A servant’s heart? Damn, her maids better watch out tonight when she gets home….

    (By the way, they’re all completely right–community organizers do nothing and they DEFINITELY do NOT want to serve ANYONE.)

  82. HopeNutz

    Do you guys remember the movie, “The Witches”, based on the Roald Dahl book? There’s this scene where Anjelica Huston, the head witch, is giving a speech about how she’s got a plan to eradicate all kids, and the witches go nuts with excitement. They drool, shake, and laugh so hard you can see their wisdom teeth.

    This reminds me of that. The crowd shots are terrifying.

  83. Delicious

    She’s doing very well. She wants everyone to know she’s feisty. Good. Joe, you now have permission to take the gloves off and tune her up like Obama will McCain.

  84. Pawdedoo

    This slideshow thing behind here looks like something my uncle would have put together after a trip, circa 1962.

  85. NoWireHangers

    The thing about the people that are cheering is that they’d cheer for a retarded monkey if it was Republican.

  86. irisheyes

    can somebody reassure me that this crapfest will not actually energize the rupublitards to a win in november?

  87. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Strange how she doesn’t mention that all the intrenched interest and power brokers in her state were Republicans.

  88. SkimLatteModerate

    [re=82923]barren earth[/re]: There is plenty of room up here (in Canada-land). And the good parts aren’t nearly as cold as Alaska.

  89. Maurice Levy

    She took on the bald-faced Republican corruption and instituted a less obvious corruption. Good for her.

  90. CthuNHu

    Trust me, Sarah, nobody considers you unqualified because you’re not part of the Washington elite.

    Any more than they consider pee undrinkable because it doesn’t come in champagne bottles.

  91. nietzscheprojectile

    Ethics reform?!? She kept the fucking $237M dollars for the bridge to nowhere for other shit. Arrghhh!

  92. The 3-Legged Man

    Tell us about the $2 Billion you’re handing out to Alaskans this month from the Permanent Fund.

  93. knitgrrl

    HEY LOOK AT ME! I CAN PRETEND TO BE DOWN HOME FOLK, JUST LIKE DUBYA. Also, the joke about the chef and her kids was a little too Phyllis Diller for me.

  94. noidiotsplease

    This speech is calling me physical pain.

    Your kids miss the personal chef, because neither you or your husband were cooking.

  95. BruceLee5000

    Yeah, vetoes do work. Except when you try to veto books out of a public fucking library, you crazy cooze.

  96. badco/LoJ

    These people won’t stop fucking screaming,

    “I’m Sarah Palin.”


    “I have five kids.”

    USA! USA! USA!

    “One has special needs.”


  97. mitch_philbin

    Thanks but no thanks on the bridge to nowhere. But I’ll keep the $400,000,000 …. oh, and I supported the bridge before I flip-flopped.

  98. accidental_tourist

    God, that voice. My dog just laid flat on the floor and covered his ears with both paws. Seriously.

  99. SayItWithWookies

    “Nearly half a billion dollars in vetos.”
    Half of which was paid for by the money for that bridge they didn’t build. OH, and she mentioned it.

  100. Gopherit v2.0

    Yup….including vetos for programs for young mothers.
    Lying WHORE!!! Fuck this shit. I can’t listen to her. But leave it to a
    bunch of republican to make a practiced liar out of someone i less than a week.

  101. essrog

    I want a Piper-cam reserved for the bottom left corner of my TV screen. I swear I just saw her picking baby Trigg’s nose

  102. spencer

    Leave it to Republicans to transform themselves into the party that vows to go to Washington and kick out Republicans.

  103. themightysea

    HAHA toddler is making the baby more retarded by picking at him.

    What’s with the uninspiring black background? I know people didn’t like the ‘obamopolis’ set, but c’mon.

  104. Valerie

    competition and basic fairness…like awarding every contract to BP…where hubby works…i mean “worked”

  105. villageatrois

    Hey, she has experience with a veto pen, though she doesn’t veto Todd’s pen very often.

    Oops! Just lied about bridge to nowhere earmark. She vetoed building it, but kept the money and gave it to Alaskans for beer and drugs.

  106. american mutt

    Wouldn’t that be so funny if that 17yr old’s baby comes out black? ‘Cause, I think that would be funny.

  107. simetrias

    If this speech gets anything other than total pans from the media, general public, etc, I’m moving to Hawa’ai.

    Couldn’t they have given her an emergency accent lesson, at least? That nasal while is astoundingly annoying. Almost as bad as what comes out of W’s mouth, shucks.

  108. The 3-Legged Man

    How many bidders were there on the gas pipeline, Sarah? Oh, one? A Canadian company? Wow. And how much did you give them for startup? Oh, $500 million you say? Very conservative.

  109. obfuscator

    As governor, she’s vetoed nearly half a billion dollars of the wasteful earmarks that she actively lobbied for as mayor.

    Thanks but no thanks on the bridge to nowhere? Get the fuck out of here, lady. She EVENTUALLY nixed the bridge, but was happy to keep the money.

  110. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Who cares what this brain-dead hick has to say. All I care about is shivving Rudy… repeatedly.

  111. pixiestyx

    It’s gonna take more than a natural gas pipeline to get to energy independence, ya dizt…


  112. loudmouthredhead

    You just watch. To prove her toughness, Palin will pinch out a kid right on stage, MID-SENTENCE. SHE PLAYED BASKETBALL, MUTHAFUCKAS!

    Jeebus HAS returned, and he is FUCKIN’ HOTT! U-S-A! WE-ARE-GHEY!

  113. AmuseRiot

    She’s trashing a jet, doesn’t she realize she’s campaigning via jet? A sexy “straight talking” jet.

    She’s also bragging about vetos on the budget… including funding for teenage mothers.

    She’s like W but stupid-er.

  114. Viva la Cynthia

    Oh, here it comes….DRIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

    This is now officially the stickiest and grossest convention center ever!

  115. madtowngooner

    [re=82628]rikitikitavi[/re]: It’s meant to be a play on Harry S Truman, only in this case it means sonovabitch this guy is fucking out of his mind nominating S. Palin. I want to die quickly if she and Grampa get elected.

  116. Atoz

    [re=82940]irisheyes[/re]: I dunno. Lot of comments here that she is a crappy speaker but I fear this will resonante as long as she doesn’t say SCRANton too much. Someone tell me I’m wrong.

  117. populucious

    OMG, they’re really doing it. They’re really trying to make Russia the new fabulous enemy of the future.

  118. jagorev

    She seems really, truly weak when talking about foreign countries. She needs to stick to the reformist, good-government, populist themes and not even bother trying to pronounce foreign country names.

  119. Daggoth

    Ten bucks that says she can’t find Russia on a map. Or have a clue as to where our “European allies” are.

  120. Eric_ Arthur_ Blair

    Are we watching the republican convention or a rerun of the movie “Drop Dead Gorgeous” I can’t help being reminded of Kirstie Allie’s character in that movie with every work Palin speaks.

  121. The 3-Legged Man

    Yes! We’re independent of foreign oil! No need to conserve when we got plenty of that Black Gold ready to drill!

  122. Hopetarded

    Oh, now she’s just randomly ticking off names of countries that produce oil. There’s that foreign policy expertise.

  123. azw88

    An airplane a luxury… well, Cindy McCain sure did disagree when she was the spouse of then senate candidate McCain….

  124. hockeymom

    How is this speech going to play with the pundits? How do you think this will be spun? I’m watching with the sound off because I’m afraid if I actually turn the sound on, I will hear the dem’s chance slowly draining away. Please tell me that she sucks. Not just to libs, but will suck to the rest of the non-fundie nation.

  125. chascates

    We might ought to just start drilling (Drill Baby DRILL!) everywhere. And take that from a gal who knows drillin’

  126. professor.cj

    She’s not a lady, she’s not a woman, she’s a “gal.” I just threw up a little. And that was good scotch.

  127. Keram2

    Ok. I’m going to explain this to the Republicans: Oil is a globally traded commodity. Even if we get ourselves off foreign oil, shutting off oil in Saudi Arabia still affects the price of oil, even in the U.S., you stupid, fucking morons.

  128. Daggoth

    Newsflash for Sarah Palin: Jesus. If McCain-Palin ever comes into play, YOU won’t be doing anything. Nitwit.

  129. barren earth

    huh huh..she said she was going to lay more pipeline. Isn’t that what got you 4 kids and a grandkid?

  130. ohiolobbyist

    Did she say in a McCain/Palin administration, we’re going to lay more pipe? Jesus, these people are OBSESSED with fucking. Is the butt secks graph coming soon?

  131. loudmouthredhead

    Why exactly would Iran turn off it’s “tap”? Considering they get all of their money from it?

    “Bein’ from da North Slope, I know a thingee or two aboot gas and oil, ya know”

  132. dumbfounded

    Good going Reps, you just said “Bring it on” to the entire
    media. Good Luck you stupid, arrogant, self centered idiots

  133. obfuscator

    Uh, he wrote a pretty strong ethics/lobbying reform law not too long after he was sworn into the Senate…

  134. villageatrois

    She looks like Julia Louis Dreyfus on SNL and sounds like Gilda Radner doing the teenager skit with Bill Murray.

  135. loudmouthredhead

    [re=83039]barren earth[/re]: She was practicing the pronunciations back stage, and STILL messed up Ven-eh-zoo-eee-la.

  136. The 3-Legged Man

    Haha! Those Dems don’t know that wind and solar even exist! They’re dopes! They hate America!

  137. schvitzatura

    [re=82725]Terry[/re]: Hypothermia, crushed by a 800# crab pot or rig block, or an occasional IED or sniper bullet?

  138. EnBuenOra

    Barack Obama never once authored a law. Except the ones he passed, ’cause they have his name on it, and whatnot, like that reform you mentioned, but, um, he didn’t physically write each letter his self…

  139. jagorev

    How does the “independence from foreign oil” and “American workers” rhetoric reconcile with Mitt’s free trade and capitalism shtick? Oh, the cognitive dissonance, it hurts.

  140. gradgrind

    Not smart to fun about Barocky’s “devoted followers” when his crowds outnumber yours 20-to-1. And that’s today. Next week, more like 400-to-1.

  141. Anonymous Office Zombie

    YOU are questioning Obama’s substance. Bring it on, bitch. Bring it on. We’re going to eat you and The Rat alive.

  142. Fat Old Dirty Whore

    OOOOOOH, BURN! I’d rather have styrofoam columns than a backdrop full of slides from my great aunt’s RV sojourn through middle America circa 1972.

  143. OffTheRecord

    I think she may be more evil than Cheney. I didn’t think that was possible, but she just makes me so inexplicably angry that I cannot even explain it. As a woman I am just ashamed that she could be representing my gender.

    Oh christ. I am so sick of this “hes a fancy speaker bullshit.” After eight years of Bush is a president who can form complete sentences too much to ask?

  144. chascates

    And you just thought Bush & Cheney were the oil company shills–Palin is dripping with crude. Ma & Pa Kettle Crude, that is!

  145. catdance

    You know, there’s so much nastiness in that room that i’m surprised God isn’t throwing bolds of thunder from heaven.

  146. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=83077]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: She’s just a little confused because she thought she was going to hear Herbert Hoover speak tonight and she’s worried that this lady will make her miss it.

  147. Texas2Step

    [re=82873]mitch_philbin[/re]: The pin is a “Gold Star” Pin. It’s for parents who have kids in service. Number of stars=number of kids in service.

  148. Rudy's Microphone Wiper-Downer

    She hates styrofoam Greek columns and babies with normal names. She’s for special needs.

    And she says nuclear just like Dub-ya: Newk-yoo-lar.

  149. shortsshortsshorts

    I officially fucking hate this woman. She hasn’t even said Barry’s name for fuck sake, and as she keeps talking I want her to die. I want her to be destroyed, as if she is some kind of inorganic being. A plague.

  150. azw88

    Build nuclear plants…. who’s gonna pay for THAT???

    And if energy independence is sooo important, why did Johnny-mac either vote against bills that would have helped do that or just fail to show up for such votes.

    Sarah Phailin seems to forget that it was Barak Obama that came out against the war BEFORE it began, citing that such a war would lead to untold casualties, and would lead to a long term occupation. Hmmmm who had the rue foresight???

  151. SayItWithWookies

    Sarah pretends she knows what’s going on outside America/Alaska. Way to read those sentences, Ms. Palin.

  152. mitch_philbin

    If there was any doubt that McCain is a bedrock, right-wing conservative, Sarah has laid that to rest.

  153. SkimLatteModerate

    [re=83048]hockeymom[/re]: Oh, it’s painful.

    So yeah, the talking heads will love it.

    I’m already resigned to McCain pulling this out. And then the cancer eating his face within his first month of office. And then Bristol’s kid becomes president.

  154. jagorev

    You know, I really did start to like Palin there for a while, but I think I’ll remember this night for being the point when, given the chance to show itself to be better than Bush, the Republican party chose to officially endorse the position of denying human rights to detainees.

  155. snig

    [re=82730]NoWireHangers[/re]: And if these assclowns are still running the EPA and the FDA with all the industry input that we need to stay “competitive” and no margin for safety, kids with special needs will become the norm.

  156. Viva la Cynthia

    The guy MSNBC just flashed on the screen was the saddest person in an oversized, foam Uncle Sam hat I’ve ever seen.


  157. Buffy and Hildegard

    What is it about the voice– deviated septum or something? Does anyone know? It’s making my ears bleeeeeeeeeeed.

  158. The 3-Legged Man

    Yes! We need no taxes at all! We can do everything for free! Those tax and spend effers hate YOU because you’re an American! They want this country to speak Irani!

  159. chascates

    Isn’t there something about taxes actually being used to pay for, say, goods & services? Like, even, the War on Terror & Badness?

  160. professor.cj

    Maybe you’re trying to keep your job in a swing state, LOL. Nice touch. Was this written by a seventh grader in a civics class doing a report on election politics?

  161. WadISay

    In other news of dissembling crap, Peggy Noonan has a long and not super coherent “I didn’t really mean that thing I said” at OpinionJournal.

  162. SayItWithWookies

    “How are they gonna be better off if their taxes go up?”
    Honey, my taxes didn’t go down during the tax cut. They won’t go up when the tax cut dies.

  163. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=83149]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: At least she’s keeping the volume down–my left eardrum exploded because of her voice at the speech last Friday.

  164. floraway

    [re=83032]Atoz[/re]: No, you’re right. I think that “security moms” will love her. And men. She’s hot and tough talkin’.

    I hate her so much. She isn’t saying anything at all. People love that.

  165. NoWireHangers

    They’re really trying to dredge up every minor, tiny Obama scandal from 3 months ago, when the ONLY scandal in this country is the Elephant in the room (heh), bitch, and that’s the bastard grandchild baking in your daughter’s womb of sin due to your trumpeting of abstinence only education

  166. Gopherit v2.0

    Nice. Let’s lie to the american people and say we never, ever, have to raise money to pay down the deficit.

    My kingdom for a sea of paultards.

    One thing….they opened the rude, angry rhetoric. Thanks for galvanizing the Dem base tonight, Sarah.

    Lobbyists. Yeah, you and Maverick have never met with them. Liar. Cunt. Whore.

  167. Rodney Badger

    Next time one of those fat fucks from the midwest ask me for directions to Fisherman’s Wharf after they stumble off a cable car, I am going to send them to Hunters Point.

  168. snig

    [re=83113]Rudy’s Microphone Wiper-Downer[/re]: Proposed Constitutional amendment: You’re not allowed to get close to controlling the red button if you’re not smart enough to pronounce nuclear.

  169. SayItWithWookies

    “Senator McCain’s record of achievement and actual reform…”
    Uh — what? Like the torture bill?

  170. EnBuenOra

    God, I’m so glad we have the chance to send the Republicans to Washington to clean up after all those damn Republicans.

  171. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Yes, the lobbyist and insiders are fighting hard against McCain. That is why they are in control of his campaign.

  172. chascates

    You know, the base is going to eat this up but tomorrow the overseas press will be saying “Female Bush to grow like Kudzu”

  173. maxfield1

    Oh my God! “When he’s (Obama) is done rolling back the waters and healing
    the planet.” I really, really, really, hope this gets played as the mean spirited hate fest
    this is and not a “red meat and potatoes love fest,” by the media. This woman has me so angry it just took me 3 tries to type out the word angry without it coming out as ” angpry,”antry,” or anblgy!”

  174. hockeymom

    So how do you think this will play tomorrow…especially in states like Colorado, New Mexico and Nevada. I don’t think she helps in Florida, probably helps a little in Ohio.

  175. madtowngooner

    [re=83118]NoWireHangers[/re]: I feel your pain. Like Harriet I also want to boil kittens after listening to this awful awful excuse for a politician.

  176. jagorev

    If she’s going to win over any new voters, she needs to lay off the bitchy attacks and run on her accomplishments and character.

  177. Komando

    Snarky and superficial. She’s just going from cheesy zinger to cheesy zinger. I mean, I’m impressed. That’s essentially what we’re shooting for here. But shouldn’t there be some, you know, substance? Or, not.

  178. Keram2

    [re=83181]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Shhhhh. Don’t you know taxes don’t pay for anything. It’s just the gubment takin’ my hard earned monies.

  179. knitgrrl

    [re=83103]OffTheRecord[/re]: Yes. God, yes. We have a joke in our house about Cheney eating babies, and now I know where he’s been getting his supply.

  180. snott


    Does this remind anyone of the school president speeches from Napoleon Dynamite? Who gets to play the popular dumb girl again?

  181. mitch_philbin

    “Wow. She’s opened the door for Biden to come roaring tomorrow. What a bunch of CRAP this is.”

    Why wait ’til tomorrow? Dems should have 5-6 great tv ads already from this cesspool.

  182. obfuscator

    Jesus, WE GET IT, you enjoy shitting on the concept of community organizing!

    What’s she talking about? Is John McCain a veteran of the armed forces or something? I hadn’t heard.

  183. kittykat

    Seriously. Is this for real? Is that Tina Fey? Is the season premiere of SNL? Even better – is Tina Fey back on SNL?
    Oh, I’m so bored with this dipwig…

  184. Texas2Step

    [re=83098]Ilikepigeons[/re]: The bald spot is from pulling her hair out over Caribou Barbie. Between the voice and the possibility that she’s about to get turned over for a younger model, the woman’s gonna be bald as Mr. Clean.

  185. Viva la Cynthia

    So, the saddest thing about all this is that this convention center full of people all seriously think they’re headed toward the White House. :( Poor guys.

    Also, MSNBC ftw for the angry codger of an pissy looking vet they just put on screen.

  186. Maurice Levy

    Why the hate for community organizers? And I guess John Kerry was the only one last time around who really fought for America.

  187. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Journey of Personal Discovery -Ahahahahahhahahhahahahaaaaaa!! We don’t discover nothing ’bout nothin’ in Nowheresville, Alaska, population moose.

    She’s like a Midwestern Kindergarten teacher from hell.

  188. SayItWithWookies

    “The presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.”
    “It’s not just a community and it doesn’t just need an organizer.”
    Wow — this is a polite and respectful campaign?
    These people are just mean.

  189. NoWireHangers

    John McCain was tortured for YOU AMERICA so he gets to be President because he was tortured for you America. Even though we now want to torture other people, but that’s okay.


  190. floraway

    Wow. Diminish his work helping people. Seriously. Keep doing it. Keep making his work helping people get jobs after their jobs left into a joke. It is really funny. Especially when we look at your experience.

  191. DieOnTheTurnpike

    John McCain fought for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS to keep some cross-drawing gay-chinaman out of his ass.

  192. azw88

    umm clean coal… that is a part of Obama;s plan and was long before McCain.

    Change, and McCain???? yeah, he changed his residence to run for the house in AZ…. Changed his wife for a younger, richer one….. changed his stance to support Bush policies….


    Lobbyist not support McCain.. no they just WORK for him….. (and he for them)

    Do-nothing senate….. ummm… well, go back 2 years and see what a do-nothing Senate was.

    Oh, the gloves will come off….. There are several senators that can;t stand McCain… and some are republicans… not to mention

    McCain fought for ME??? or did he fight because he was in the Navy…. and he was a bad pilot and managed to get shot down… (his own words!)

    So, being in the military makes you a great President…. Lincoln was a great President and HE was never a prisoner of war….

  193. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    How many times has John McCain’s POW experience been mentioned tonight? 5 1/2 times per minute, about.

  194. tyrantkitty

    “the american presidency isn’t supposed to be a journey of personal discovery” – was that a Hillz slam? From finding her voice in New Hampshire like, 80,000 years ago before she lost the nomination and before she was features in jamakane’s ad? It’s just so many levels of recursive dingbattery.

    Or maybe it’s somehow about Barry. You know, I don’t get the Daily Hate e-blast, I’m not up on this.

  195. suths

    her speech is making me wish she didn’t have a vagina. bad for women everywhere. she is just another dick in a suit.

  196. forgracie

    It’s a long way from the fear and pain and squalor of a 6X4 foot cell to the fear and pain and squalor of this convention center….

    No, sweet cheeks, not really.

  197. kellycisco

    Queen of the zingers and meaningless nightmare world analogies. Just what we need to further sink into the prehistoric muck while our planet burns to the ground. Let’s all move to Alaska!

  198. Daggoth

    The journey we’re going to make is in a cell in Hanoi? Is that some metaphor for the further depreciation of the Vietnamese dong and how we’re going to be enslaved to the Vietnamese economy?

    No thank you, ma’am.

    By the grace of God? John McCain must be king now.

  199. bugland

    in places… where winning means survival (i don’t know where that is)… and defeat means death.

    *wait for it*

    that man is John McCain.

    OH!!! *applause*

    P.S. “Hanooey.” Jesus Christ…

  200. Buffy and Hildegard

    pow 911 pow 911 pow 911 pow war memorials great country pow 911 snomobile champion baby daddy pow 911 evil 911

  201. madtowngooner

    Well, we can certainly say without a doubt we know this harpy bitch better than we did a week ago. And doesn’t it make us feel a lot better. Quick, get my clonazaprem!

  202. jagorev

    John McCain has compassion because he was once tortured and powerless as POW, but you’re choosing to sneer at Obama at supporting the concept of human rights for the detainees we capture in this war. What the fuck, lady? No, seriously, are you even listening to yourself speak?

  203. Viva la Cynthia

    Did I hear that correctly? Did she seriously just imply that Obama’s name isn’t “like those you’ll find on war memorials in small towns”?

  204. hrhkingfriday

    Anyone else noticing how she’ll randomly slow down on some words? Like i-rack or oh…. hio? Cindy’s totally slipping her the V

  205. Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    Whenever a Republican speaks for too long, I always wait for the n-word to slip out by accident.

  206. NoWireHangers

    God, after this speech I’m going to have to go and watch the clip of Obama’s daughters just to detox.

  207. Delicious

    Deer jerky for all!


    No deer jerky for anyone!


    Deer jerkey for some. A royal assfucking for everyone else!


  208. Rudy's Microphone Wiper-Downer

    This speech is making me want to drink.

    God…no…not the pinhole McCain torture story…not.the.story….

    And no, we don’t need that man to see us through the next four years. His one accomplishment is getting caught by the enemy. He got caught. CAUGHT.


  209. azw88

    Her snarkyness will come back to haunt her…. her claims will be used in video after video along with the FACTS….. not that the Repubs let facts stand in the way of anything….

    Truth…. truth about your actions as mayor are about to bite you in the ass, biatch

  210. chascates

    Loook, if McCain hadn’t been such a shitty pilot (aside from being shot down he crashed 4 other planes) he wouldn’t even be here today!

  211. jagorev

    We need John McCain as a leader, because the American people after the last 8 years are exactly like a detained POW beaten senseless by Asiatic torturers?

  212. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=83244]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Seriously, Pawlenty must be pissed right about now.

    Or maybe this was all a Marissa Tomei thing: He meant to call Pawlenty, but accidentally hit “Palin” on his phone, and now it’s just too late to rescind the offer?

  213. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Gee, I hope we hear more about how John McCain is a martyr and a saint who was tortured and therefore should be elected Crucified Savior of America.

  214. SayItWithWookies

    Did she just say we need a president who can be tortured for five and a half years? Does that mean we’re electing Osama bin Laden’s driver?

  215. saridout

    thank god she supports special needs children, because if barack obama gets elected, he will eat them all for breakfast

  216. Sharif DelMonte

    the republicans will declare that she gave the best political speech since moses laid down the commandments. any contrarian is a sexist baby hater.

  217. HopeNutz

    Honestly, tuning into this, I’m scared out of my mind. Swing voters, let’s elect a garden gnome and a harpy!

  218. ForeignSickSpecialist

    Somebody told me a VP candidate was speaking. All I saw was “Fargo” read aloud by some B list porn star dressed as a librarian.

  219. ExBeautyQueen

    Let’s bomb the bejeezus out of San Fran, New York (ahem Wudy), Chicago, LA, etc… those “flashy” and “cosmopolitan” cities and bastions of culture so that we can become like that painting “American Gothic”…also, let’s burn all books, especially “Farenheit 451″…then allow me, a bitter, right-wing, religious nut/whacko to rule this country because NOTHING says diplomacy and world leader like a speech dripping with sarcasm.

  220. cg

    John McCain was in combat for 20 days total…then was captured and imprisoned. He’s nuts,she’s nuts and those republican scum are nuts. I just donated to BO campaign!!!!!!!!

  221. Keram2

    Anyone that tells you Small Town America is just the most decent thing on the planet just needs to go into a Kum-and-Go bathroom off I-79 and read the graffiti on the wall. It’s all “call 555-344-5839 for a good time a dump on your chest.” Small Town America is for perverts.

  222. Godot

    [re=83192]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That really makes a lot of sense. Explains the Palin pick, and this disastrous speech as well.

  223. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=83265]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: Completely. $10 says it happens in a live, televised event some time before November.

  224. The 3-Legged Man

    Well, you can safely assume anyone not a white person or a person of “special needs” is running out to register Democrat.

  225. jagorev

    [re=83265]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: Haven’t you been listening? “Community organizer” is the new code word for “negro”

  226. shanadee

    I swear to God. If I have to listen to this woman’s voice for 4 years…I will personally be sending her the bill for my migraine medicine. That voice (and her stupid ass) has got to go!

  227. robotico

    Karl Rove just ordered a new “slave” wardrobe to wear for Mistress Sarah. Newt Gingrich is IMing her like the little schoolgirl he is. And Lee Atwater just decided to roll out of that grave and get him some of that mean girl too.

  228. ms_mcgee

    sweetits: Thank you for the reminder that I can donate in an attempt to never, ever have to hear this woman speak again.

  229. ForeignSickSpecialist

    If SHE were in a POW camp, she’da fucked all the ‘Namese and had a tribe of Downs Syndrome babies with ‘em. God bless America! Convert every Jew!

  230. Delicious

    Ha! Levi! One day he is porking the local Ho and playing the MySpace gangsta, next day he’s on stage at the RNC!

    America is truly the greatest nation.

  231. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    John is coming out to thank her and to invite everyone to the Minneapolis Airport’s Men’s Room for his acceptance speech tomorrow.

  232. NoWireHangers

    Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s WALNUTS!

    Can McCain not move his trunk or bend his arms? So Palin will be Prez, then.

  233. jagorev

    Rudy is going to cry himself to sleep tonight, because this will bring home to him the fact that, even if McCain loses, he will never, ever be President.

  234. Redhead

    She’s FINALLY done.

    Here’s your summary: McCain spent a long time in a tiny cell getting his fingernails ripped out and electrodes clipped to his nipples and nuts. He’s a REAL American! He fought for you 98374958734 years ago! That means he can do whatever he wants now – and he wants to rule the country so, damnit, he can rule the country! five years man, five years!

    Announcer: Yes, we’re questioning whether Obama has the qualifications to be commander-in-chief. Palin, well, there is no doubt – governing all the polar bears is quite character building. But Obama, well… he just does not have the experience.

    McCain: (to Palin) what a beautiful family you have, my pretty… heh heh heh

  235. Rudy's Microphone Wiper-Downer

    Summarization of Palin’s speech:

    “Vote for me, and it’ll be Summer all year long! And who wants to eat chimichangas, anyway? I promise a Bonne Bell lip gloss dispenser in all the girls bathrooms!”

  236. snig

    [re=82746]dontmeanship[/re]: No, Bill and Hillary both said Autism during the convention speeches, so the dems get it. Unfunded No child left behind is already doing a number on the special needs kids, so we don’t really any more Republican “special favors”

  237. eekahil

    …hume just sad Simple Trig is a Downs Syndrome baby and he’s so gentle and sweet ‘as they always are”…


    Oh – but the crowd is chanting Sim-ple Trig Sim-ple Trig”..


  238. Komando

    They couldn’t get a suit on the young impreganator? Just a sport coat and some slacks? Alas. No class out there in the wilderness. PS. McCain is creepy.

  239. obfuscator

    Call me a misogynist pig, but Governor Palin is the living embodiment of every boring, opinionated, vapid, loudmouthed, passive-aggressive, judgmental cubicle mate I’ve ever had. Their catchphrase is “Look at these pictures of my kid!”

    I had to listen to them opine on 9-11, the War on Christmas, Terri Fucking Schiavo, Evil Sand-Niggers Who Want to Kill us All, our doomed secular culture, the rapture, why I’m going to hell, and Why They Just Don’t Trust That Barack Hussein Obamas.


  240. Valerie

    haha!! msnbc: “people who like this sort of thing will find it…the sort of thing they like”

  241. chascates

    Hey, if he can’t raise his hands above his shoulder maybe that explains his facial skin problems. Could be.

  242. Upchuck

    I hope they say this redneck hit homerun! So everybody can say oh NUTZ on those old angry left disses! Then she can make some more speeches she hasn’t been rehearsing for 2 days and we can come up with NEW DISSES!

  243. Uncommon Nonsense

    Jesus Motherfucking Christ. These fuckers even copy their gimmicks from the Democrat Convention.

    Refucklicunts: The Microsoft of AmeriKKKan Politrix.

  244. snig

    [re=83314]HopeNutz[/re]: Dollars to donuts they gave him benadryl. They’re all angels when they’re sleeping. They’ll keep him sedated until November 5th.

  245. barren earth

    what the fuck is David Brooks talking about???? that was good natured criticism of Obama? She sounded shrill and bitchy

  246. AmericanValues

    OMG CNN is interviewing her sister about their “close knit family” and their many “special needs” children.

  247. knackelflerg

    I hope I am so wrong, but did she actually say something about not having to ‘worry about reading people their rights?’ Drill Baby Drill? This is the stuff of nightmares.

  248. Democratica

    [re=83358]obfuscator[/re]: Yes, yes, yes. I worked in the exact same place.

    Olbermann just called the FLICK!!!!!!

  249. CthuNHu

    Well, that sure was a solid policy-filled address reflecting a deep knowledge of critical issues foreign and domestic. I’m certainly glad she didn’t stoop to smarmy self-congratulatory sneering at caricatures of her opponents.

  250. simetrias

    HAHAHHA Keith O just called her a combo of Reese Witherspoon’s character in that high school election movie and Norma Rae.

  251. Komando

    Now here’s what happens. All the Democrats say the speech sucked because it lacked substance and recycled old attacks. All the Republicans will say it was an amazing, transformational speech that establishes her as a true contender on the national scale. Both sides will spout hyperbolic bullshit. Reality: it was a “meh” speech.

  252. Queen Regine

    [re=83117]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “I officially fucking hate this woman. She hasn’t even said Barry’s name for fuck sake, and as she keeps talking I want her to die. I want her to be destroyed, as if she is some kind of inorganic being. A plague.” THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SHORTS! I no longer feel my deep Catholic guilt for the sheer hatred I feel for her. Deep appreciation for voicing the sheer disgust I am tasting at this time. Shit…she is truly AWFUL

  253. SayItWithWookies

    Wow — what a perfectly horrid country-patriotism pastiche maraschino cherry on top of this shit sundae.

  254. grevillea

    [re=83371]Keram2[/re]: And when did Andrew Sullivan become a singer? Is this a Republican version of rapping?

  255. chascates

    Poor Levi. For just a little snatch now he’s doomed to an annoying mother-in-law, a soon-to-be demanding wife, a newborn kid, and no more strange! No more all night parties, nights out at the bar, hunting & fishing whenever you want to.
    Kids, DON’T let this happen to you.

  256. Keram2

    Seriously, fuck the actual MSNBC feed. Watch the unfiltered MSNBC coverage. A country band is playing “Raising McCain.” WTF?!

  257. irisheyes

    oh jesus! David Gregory just called it a “fine speech”. and that she’s made a “very strong start here”


  258. Viva la Cynthia

    I think the most disgusting thing about this whole Failin–I mean, Palin thing is that it gives hope to every female member of the Young Conservatives of Texas that I went to college with. They were all bastards, and they should not be encouraged to be as evil as they are…and yet they put this lady up on stage.

  259. TrueBlue2

    Very mediocre paean to McSame. Ho Hum. Should have brought the Golden Retriever as well as Baby Retard and Prego Bristol.

  260. ForeignSickSpecialist

    I don’t think the 3rd grade teacher should be president. She’ll just have a trist with a 12 year old, get arrested, flee, then be on “Cops” hiding under an upturned kiddie pool.

  261. The 3-Legged Man

    The funny thing is that Palin calls her critics in Alaska “The Haters”. I’m not sure if that’s irony.

  262. d4g33z

    My friends, she did it. She WILL be your president at some point in the very near future.

    Good luck with that! Just don’t come flooding over the border all at once. Bring cash.

  263. hockeymom

    Oh fuck. Fred Barnes is saying she’s got a gift, she’s a natural. Both he and Gregory are talking about how she has a “story to tell”.

    Lots of people have stories to tell. Let them tell them. That doesn’t mean they need to be vice president.

  264. Uncommon Nonsense

    Sonofabitch. I normally watch this crap on MSNBC, because it’s like the libtard Faux News, but I was watching this horseshit on CNN, because it’s in HD. But I paused a few times to go refill my liquor. So I was like, 5-7 minutes behind, and I’m reading about Olbermann apparently going batshit, and I couldn’t even enjoy it, because I was still watching the tail end of this clusterfuck of a speech.

    Now I’m on MSNBC, but they’re just talking to random audience tards, with some closeted redneck wailing at way too high a volume on stage. Life sucks. Shoot me now.

    Or just let me refill my glass. Again.

  265. Ilikepigeons

    What is a hockey mom? does she play hockey with other moms?
    what? does she wear lipstick while she drives herself to hockey?

  266. OffTheRecord

    Republicans are scary. I just defriended every single person on facebook whose status said something positive about that speech because, well, they are obviously insane.

  267. obfuscator

    [re=83380]Democratica[/re]: I DREAD having to listen to them squeeee over this speech tomorrow. They’ll be all, “She’s just like meeeeee!”.

    I’ll be all, “Yes. Yes, she is.”

  268. SayItWithWookies

    Nothing like a little Jerry Lee Lewis piano playing to remind us of what Republican values are about — marrying your 13-year-old cousin.

  269. NoWireHangers

    I can’t wait to see how they spin this shit. I can’t wait to see the polls. Dear Lord, how long until November…

  270. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=83407]chascates[/re]: You’re probably unaware that in Alaska, having a wife and kids is considered a reason to go out to a bar, go hunting, go fishing, and screw your neighbor’s wife when he’s up on an oil rig on the frozen tundra.

  271. Keram2

    [re=83406]grevillea[/re]: The Republican version of rapping is taking a legitimate form of music and butchering it at frat parties and WWE events. The Republican version of rapping would also be like 1000x more white and involve a pack of unfiltered Marlboros. Flavor Country!

  272. Delicious

    [re=83428]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Are you a little bit more happy with the Biden VP pick – meaning someone who can dish it out with a woman who wants to fight?

  273. chascates

    [re=83430]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: And the state will send you money every year to boot? How long as this been going on? And you’re OK with up to an ounce of herb?

  274. hockeymom

    [re=83400]Queen Regine[/re]: Can I join on your hate bandwagon? I think our only hope is that the smart, WASPY republicans stay home because they can’t vote for a dem and they’re smart enough not to be able to pull the lever for Norma Rae of the Frozen Tundra. Otherwise, civilization is doomed.

  275. The 3-Legged Man

    At least she honored the bit about family being off-limits. I mean, she didn’t refer to the bastard child once! Well, enough about Bush….

  276. jagorev

    There’s only one thing that we need to highlight about this speech – she curled her lip and sneered at the Democrats for wanting to protect the human rights of detainees. That decides it. One party in this election sneers and mocks at the very notion that we should respect the rights of prisoners captured in our war on terror, while it milks every sob available from the suffering of American POWs. She sneered at the concept of universal human rights.

    Nothing else matters, really. Her babies and the mooseburgers and all that are a stupid distraction. She supports illegal detention and torture. She, and by extension McCain, have chosen to embrace Bush whole heartedly. Now my hatred is general – it’s not just Bush and his cronies, it’s the whole fucking gang of criminal thugs, all of whom need to be destroyed, regardless of age and gender. Fuck them all.

  277. simetrias

    [re=83433]d4g33z[/re]: Yeah, it’s Jane!!!! That frozen smile, sarcasm spewing out while foot is going in….

  278. Delicious

    [re=83436]Delicious[/re]: or was that Shorts that was going batshit about Biden. I can’t keep track of my batshit.

  279. schvitzatura

    [re=83310]jagorev[/re]: The Southern Strategized white folk used to bury “community organizers” in levees, right?

  280. ReverendGreen

    [re=82832]CthuNHu[/re]: I don’t believe these claims – if Republicans excel at only one thing (and they do) it’s engaging in ego-driven competition that funds money to Saudi Arabia by wasting gas.

  281. BillyT

    Where’s John McCain’s executive experience?? If serving as Mayor of Wasilla was her key to the White House, and John McSame has none, why is she the VP nominee?

  282. obfuscator

    [re=83448]jagorev[/re]: Pop quiz! What was more disgusting, her disdain for human rights, or the crowd’s thunderous applause for it?

  283. Uncommon Nonsense

    [re=83448]jagorev[/re]: You’re ever so right. But you sadly make the mistaken assumption that you’re preaching to anything other than the choir here.

  284. villageatrois

    I watched to the bitter end, and she didn’t flash her lactating masses. And then “Star Spangled Banner” with Black Abe was the warmup act for NASCAR music. The end.

  285. hockeymom

    [re=83422]Ilikepigeons[/re]: A hockey mom is someone who, the second she stops working, gets in the SUV (hybrid), already loaded up with stinky hockey equipment and spends the next three or four hours driving between at least two different rinks in different parts of the state. She ends up eating a lot of stale popcorn at poorly lit rinks, feeding her children crap, doing homework on a cement floor with whatever child happens to NOT be playing hockey at the moment, maybe handing them off to her husband at some point, then doing it all over again the next day.

    And it’s worth every second when you see your kids light up with joy the minute they hit the ice. It’s probably not something most people get…but for those of you on the board who grew up playing pond hockey every night until it got dark, you get it.

    Unless you are talking about Sarah Palin. Then hockeymom is just another work for Republican Tool with Ladyparts.

  286. NoWireHangers

    [re=83448]jagorev[/re]: It’s enraging. The GOP is disgusting, and must be destroyed. Too bad the decision making is up to the same assholes in swing states who fucked us hard the past two elections…

  287. obfuscator

    They’re jacking off about how this is a historic first because a Republican woman is on the ticket.

    Am I to understand that GOP women are now worthy to be vp, 24 years after Dems decided the same thing?

  288. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=83438]chascates[/re]: Alaska is giving almost every resident a check for $3,300 this year. That’s about $2Billion from the fiscally conservative Palin, although most of it comes from the Permanent Fund they’ve built from oil taxes. She also just authorized $100,000 in state funds for her own attorney in the investigation of her.

    She didn’t mention how she actually spoke out against a recent clean water initiative that would have restricted discharges from the massive Pebble Mine project, which will be the largest precious metal mine in this hemisphere, with more gold and platinum and other metals (like lead, arsenic, etc.) than have ever been discovered. When it leaks into the region’s rivers, it could make the Exxon Valdez disaster look like a small puddle of oil.

    She probably didn’t want to say that she insists on continuing Alaska’s aerial predator control program, which allows shooting wolves from airplanes….

    …or the Clean Elections ballot measure she opposed that would have forbidden special interests from funding local candidates….

    She did, at least, repeat the lie about the Bridge to Nowhere that she fully supported but now claims she was against.

    She’s quite consistent. Convenient truths.

  289. simetrias

    [re=83448]jagorev[/re]: That right, Jagorev. Kinda like the papa bull and the son bull in the nosebleed seats at the convention…. see all those cows down there, dad? Whatta ya say we run down there and fuck us one! Tell ya what, son. Let’s walk down there and

    FUCK EM ALL!!!!

  290. PolicyWhore

    Oh, how the MSM just LOVES her and her family. She’s so smart and cute! Blah, Blah, Blah, it was crap! Like watching Kathy Lee or Kelly Rippa.

  291. Buffy and Hildegard

    Can we talk seriously? I think her sarcasm and mockery were disgusting and terribly unattractive. Again, I cannot believe the people who EVER thought this unmitigated bitch was attractive. Attractive like fucking cruella deville.

  292. Gopherit v2.0

    Can we start calling her a GINEWTF? Cuz, she could blow me to shut her the fuck up, but fucking? Uh, no.

  293. Democratica

    [re=83453]schvitzatura[/re]: Amen my brother. Amen. (Just curious, we’re not gonna break the Wonkette or anything, are we?)

  294. Queen Regine

    [re=83445]hockeymom[/re]: You can ride shotgun…we can travel town to town encouraging the WASPY Repubs to stay home or go to the Club on election day. Otherwise, I agree, civilization is doomed.

  295. d4g33z

    [re=83455]Keram2[/re]: Off topic in a Wonkette thread?
    But seriously, Wonkette needs to invent something an interface like nico nico douga . Comments flying across in realtime. The potential is huge!

  296. chascates