Mike Huckabee was one of the best failed presidential candidates in the world: from his kinky public sex hijinks with his frightening wife, to his comical insistence on staying in the primary race because he went to the College of God instead of the College of Maths, and also that time he fucked a squirrel on Arkansas public television. What wonderful things will he say tonight, at the Republican National Convention, in order to make John McCain regret not picking the other pleasant wingnut Christian governor from a state of tattooed alcoholic rednecks?
9:27 PM — The Elite Media is a uniter, not a divider.
9:29 PM — I am no racist, but we can’t elect a token black guy for president!
9:30 PM — Well, people in here seem to like him. Mike Huckabee is a likeable guy who tells adorably corny jokes. Oh Jesus he is inveighing against dangerous elite EUROPEAN IDEAS. The theme of tonight isn’t “Prosperity” or whatever, it’s rancid xenophobia. Hmm, something in here smells delicious…like baking hot dog buns.
9:34 PM — Jesus Christ, Joe Biden didn’t get more than 7000 votes for Preznet? Send that loser to the gulags. And now the ritual recitation of John McCain’s Stations of the cross in Communist Vietnam.
9:37 PM — And here comes Mike Huckabee’s touching story of some teacher who made kids sit on the floor for two days in order to punish them for not enlisting in the military. America’s military veterans went to war for WOODEN DESKS, and liberals can’t appreciate that kind of sacrifice.
9:39 PM — John McCain went to Vietnam for school desks, because the Vietnamese wanted to take them, and also our freedom, and that is why they took his arms instead. The end.
9:34 PM — Sorry comments were turned off, Republican haxxors got into our spotty Internet connection and tried to curb your Speech Freedoms. But they should be on again.
{ 144 comments }
Biden was running against like 15 ppl. Palin won against one dim-witted, slackjawed hick.
Did he really say that he didn’t find out until college that it wasn’t supposed to hurt when you showered? What kind of showering was going on in Huckleberry’s house?
Oh good gravy — this is some glurge story on Snopes.com. Ick.
When I saw “comments closed,” I thought you folks had had it with the wallpaper gripes.
Whew.
Now about that fucking wallpaper…
Of course he didn’t. He dropped out after the Iowa caucus!
Yeah, I was spammed with that desk story, too. What the fuck lesson is it supposed to teach? Veterans are good movers?
…that was the most idiotic story I have ever heard
Desk tears aren’t free!
So now the veterans have to pay for the school desks! Cheapskate politicians.
I hate to say this fucker is doing a bang-up job. Does he know who he’s endorsing? He sounds like it….
Remember- five and a half years gave you a school desk.
jesus, he’s still on the fucking desks.
You are making veterans cry, Mike Huckabee.
Not sure if it’s out of emotion or out of utter boredom.
Have you no shame, sir?
School desk, desk, White House desk, desk, desk, desk, desk
I can haz skool desc?
clearly, that was not worth commenting on.
John McCain helped him get a desk? How??
By fighting in Vietnam???? WTF?!?
Does that even make sense?
Hmm…
wait? what! john mccain trapped me at my desk in grade school?
grad school?
i am NEVER voting for john mccain.
Olbermann says the Biden got 35,000 votes. but then again Huckabee didn’t major in math.
Why the fuck are you doing this Jim? Are you getting “the fear?”
I cannot bring myself to watch these things, but I think I just wet myself over Stations of the cross.
Tee hee hee…Shes gotta fonny name…
…why do republicans love to play dress up? Guess what tards, if you live in a multi-million dollar house and don’t own a horse you aren’t a fukkin cowboy!!!
Only veterans pay taxes in Huckabees’ America. Apparently they bought every desk in the country.
I was listening to this on the NPRs. I caught Mittens, too. The crowd reaction was positively underwhelming, except of course, when Huggabee shit on poor people for waiting around for gubbernment to help them. That shit brought the house down.
Do the hula, baby! Shake that moneymaker!
[re=81961]Garyosu[/re]: The same kind that goes on in every single Republican home. The kind where you drop the soap and regret it.
[re=81969]StrangelyBrown[/re]: What kind of bitch teacher makes a bunch of crippled vets carry desks into a classroom? Didn’t we just go over how none of them can lift their arms and all must be president?
Whose this person from Hawaii? Did she attend Mooslim school in Indonesia too????
In all serious, cynicism aside, the soldier worship gets very tiresome. There are people doing all sorts of things that make this country run safely and efficiently. The focus on soldiers obscures the sacrifices that many others make.
Also, Huck’s chin has the same exact contours as my sack.
Overheard in my living room: “Even if the Germans had taken over, we would still have fucking desks”.
Y’all could’a made a whole lot more desks if you hadn’t napalmed the rainforests…
Strong moral character! Yes! That’s where her kids learned it!
Wait, isn’t Hawaii close to China? Maybe this dame is a better choice. How many kids she got?
[re=81970]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s a rerun from a 2007 speech — by Huckabee. Who probably paid the teacher to do the stunt.
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/nodesks.asp
You’ll note that her class has time for patriot lessons (using vets for free) but won’t spring for textbooks. Nice.
Yes! B-ball star! Beauty queen! I’m there!
The saddest part about watching Huckabee is he is the only current Republican that has any skill at public speaking. Too bad he learned it from snake oil salesmen like Kenneth Copeland.
Jebus died for your desks.
She won a state basketball championship in high school!
She won a beauty pageant!
WHO SAYS IS NOT QUALIFY??
that desk story was such a demeaned turd of prose, someone else will be forced to crack jokes on my behalf
There is no way Americans are stupid enuf to bug this crap………….. what?
Five kids? Grandchild “on the way”…. maths isn’t my strong suit, but something ain’t addin’ up…
Well, four beautiful children and one uuuugly one…
MESSICANS FOR EL MACAIN (sez CNN)
“Todd Palin is a useless deadbeat bastard”
“They have 3 beautiful children and a whole bunch of grand children they don’t want you to know about”
“They face the same challenges we all do in our country,” like a lack of sex ed.
And as another commitment to fiscal discipline, she took Wasilla from having a balanced budget to being $22 million in debt.
He looks remarkably like Gargamel from the Smurfs
And now the ritual recitation of John McCain’s Stations of the cross in Communist Vietnam.
Th-th-that’s not stigmata you can believe in!
And now, the animatronic governor of Hawaii. She will now sedate you with her mechanical voice.
Four kids, one grandkid, and a puck in the oven
As early evidence of Sarah’s pregnancy, they eloped!
Comfortable in her own skin? McCain’s skin keeps trying to leave him.
andrea mitchell is going at mittens’ balls with her teeth and sharp talons
Uh oh….after bed time for many delegates….. tell us the amniotic fluid story for a pick-me-up….
Hey, who earned my ghetto for me? Who earned my public defender? Who earned my house arrest electronic bracelet?
If it’s a bunch of old veterans, I’d like to meet them at midnight behind the 7-11. To say thank yew!
Sarah killed her a bahr when she was only three!! Sarah, sarah Palin, queen of the earmarked frontier!!
Wait, Hawaii’s a red state?
Switch to MSNBC if you want to see more Mitt!!!
Someone apparently didn’t tell Governess Honolulu that the PALIN FAMILY IS OFF LIMITS.
Once again this redonkeylous meme that Sarah Palin is somehow amazing and worthy of being VP because she is capable of giving birth.
Mittens just compared McCain’s economic policies with those of Reagan. Fuck, why stop there? Why not Herbert Hoover?
Hoovervilles for all!
I get the feeling there’s an ‘Applause and Cheer’ sign out of sight somewhere…
Tell us how she lawyered up the other day and now wants to investigate herself! Yes!
Noonan has provided a dramatic re-enactment-interpretation-explanation-repositioning of her MSNBC video (which, um, pretty clearly speaks for itself, unless beautifully edited), here:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122044753790594947.html?mod=todays_columnists
Sarah-You’re the best. Had a great year..can’t wait until were seniors. BFF! Gov. Lingle…ugh
Is anyone else playing “find the non-W.A.S.P. at the convention” like my wife and I are?
Blah blah blah
clap clap clap
blah blah
clap clap
blah
clap
blah
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wait did she say Sarah was a weiner?
She so tough, that baby hadda chew its way out!
MSNBC just said they have been moving the men out of the front rows to fill them with the wimenz for Barbie
Does anyone know what time Sizzlin’ goes on? I’m dropping a couple Cialis so I can go for a double….. *praying she wears a tank top*…..
FIVE AND HALF YEARS!!!!! OH noes 9ui11ani is up to 9/11 the crowd about how 9/11ing great he is.
[re=82026]SayItWithWookies[/re]: yeah, well….
Issues congress does not deal with, like shotgun weddings…
And she fucked her husband’s business partner. But it was probably part of the Alaskan Swingers experience, so it’s okie dokie for the right wing.
Now I see why Linda Lingle wasn’t on the short list for Lady Veep. “Gin-yew-ine”?
Hooray! We should make Hawaii and Alaska states!
Did she just say that being mayor “anywhere” is great preparation for higher office?
Mayor of MAUI? My God, SHE should be the VP choice!
I live in a town of 3000 and our mayor can barely forma a sentence. Guess she’s qualified too.
Zero zerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozero
[re=82062]Valerie[/re]: get your erect phalluses ready. i gotz mine!
Oooo, I’m so excited for Ghouliani!!!!!
At least Huck used the “torture” word. He must not have got the memo.
Zero – the number of collective braincells shared by this entire crowd.
These boring motherfuckers can’t even get a cheer right.
oh, snap…being mayor is tough sh*t.
They have Negative Experience… way less than Zero…. They’re uppity! Vote the Nuts and the Cnut!
[re=82059]Garyosu[/re]: Yes. We’ve noticed that they pan across the few non-WASPs numerous times to make them appear more plentiful.
WOW! That was actually the worst. joke. ever!
I could be a mare?
What’s David Strathairn doing at the RNC and when did he get a sex change.
looky! levi got to go to men’s wearhouse today!
wow. Alaska is big, so it’s better than….Delaware?
Wilmington is gonna kick their ass.
[re=82078]magic titty[/re]: oh hew yes. it glows in the dark.
But but but but… I thought that Mike Huckabee said that Republicans love teh freedumbs?
Is Bristol going to breastfeed Trig? That would be pretty disturbing. But I’d watch it.
Wow. The Huckabeez read his junk email aloud to us, and Linda’s about as electrifying as WALNUTS! himself!
And yes, this wonderful saint of a mother put country first — well, Alaska first, really, enough that she blithely endangered her premature child’s health to cross a continent while leaking amniotic fluid just so that young Trig could be born on Alaskan soil and thus be eligible to run for President of Alaska after it gains its liberty in the 2009 War for Northern Independence. And she made sure to have him in Wasilla, too, so he can be President of the Free State of Wasilla after it secedes in 2010, only there won’t be a war then, because the rest of Alaska will be like, hey, no problem, you’re on your own.
And don’t tell me Trig can never be President of anything, either, because — well, you know, Bush.
“Sarah has broad appeal.”
Maverick = picking your VP based on the pictures that come up when you google her name.
Yes, Sarah P. can certainly “expand our numbers.” I think Malthus worked that out already.
This choice is “bold,,,,courageous…” and “unvetted”.
[re=82032]Subdude[/re]: Or perhaps a biscuit in the basket…
Is Cindy’s dress the same color as the green screen that Walnuts stood in front of when he gave his “th-th-that’s not change we can believe in, heh, heh, heh.” speech?
Washington is broken. We the Republicans broke it for 8 years. Elect the the Maverick Outsider and The Experienced Woman Governor break it all over again.
[re=82059]Garyosu[/re]: hahaha… yeah, I thought my wife and I were the only ones… “ooh, look, there’s a black guy!”
Can’t wait for Levi’s speech! I can’t believe McCain asked him if he could sniff his finger…. very poor taste, but understandable after 5 1/2 years……
ohmygod. levi = kfed
[re=82107]Subdude[/re]: hee hee hee hee hee hee hee…….
OMG, why doesn’t Mr. Fish Picker ever hold the little fish picker? Maybe it’s fishy.
How come TRig’s dad never holds him?
That sign said “Hispanties 4 McCain.” WTF
Just shoot me. I enjoyed life while it was happening until last week, but now it’s too messy. Just shoot me
It’s him! It’s him! It’s him!!!
How many seconds till the first 9/11 reference?
[re=82127]tutone[/re]: haha…gpwm! what’s the over/under on bristol shaving her head?
Thank to John McCain we have Mrs. Palin and Mr. Huckabee under the same roof, so today our moose and squirrel populations are safe again, my fellow Americans.
[re=82112]barren earth[/re]: Sadly, seven-term Ohio Congressman Harold Goatse is actually a moderate and likable guy with a strong grasp of both economics and foreign policy.
And Rudy will say that being Mayor of Wasilla isn’t much different that being Mayor of New York.
I spent the entire primary season praying for these idiots to nominate just one of these idiot douchebags. Rommney, Huckster, Julie-Annie, McInsane. I didn’t care. Just as long as it was one of them. And now they bring ‘em all back on the same night? A reunion tour? With all of their greatest hits? This is, like, the best night ever. It’s a cocksucker Hall of Fame, that’s what it is.
3 min in, and no 9/11. Curious. Where’s Rudy?
“You’re hiring someone to do a job. Imagine that one applicant notes that he might be out sick a lot, but his twelve-year-old sister can come in to cover for him.”
‘…and on the other side, you’ve got a black guy.’
why is wonkette blocked off please? i cannot get thru the rest of the evening w/out my wonkette.
[re=82024]hrhkingfriday[/re]: they don’t like the black mens.
[re=82161]CthuNHu[/re]: FTW.
Rudy, tell us about your resume! Stop after the third mistress!
[re=82025]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Glenn Beck says we don’t like Sarah becasue she is just like us? I beg to differ, I do not wear a banana clip.
Chicago machine politics bad. NYC machine politics good.
Not one 9/11 mention? Who is that man, and where’s our Rudy?
Cunttollop is smiley tonight Did she get some?
Uh oh…9/11 on tap…
Here we go….9/11 can’t be far.
When did McCain run a city, state, business, or lead anybody in a crisis?
Oh yeah, Cindy Lou-hoo’s broken paw.
So, what exactly did John McCain lead The line to the officer’s club? Pilots don’t lead dick.
I’m sold! I’m ready for 8 more years!
[re=82199]Subdude[/re]: Wonder how the Illinois delegates feel about that.
That audience is sooooo rude for calling Rudy a zero.
Rudy, you make my balls itch worse than Mitt. I want me some Moosewench!!!
Now they want Palin’s kid to start drilling?
The only time Palin was ever thoroughly “Vetted” was when she and Todd were conceiving Track on the hood of one. (Pre-maritally, of course.)
911 bitches!!!
There’s my Rudy 9/11!
when they gave up on iraq, they gave up on america!!
because, after all, we are SISTER COUNTRIES
Cindy’s holding the kid now…fishcatcher/fishwife joke here
[re=81958]magic titty[/re]: she was running against herself?
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