Wonkette
Our best friend Mittens Romney must be so relieved that the old coot called him with a “no” for veep this year. Who’d want to be on the losingest loser ticket ever, in 2008? Sarah Palin would, sooo… yeah. Anyway, let’s see what Mitt Romney has to say and his Kumming & Going in his famously magical underpants, in Minnesota. We bet that he’ll LIE a few times, hmm?
8:06 CT — There he is… the silver sideburns… the shiny italian wool suit… want to dooooo him!
8:07 — Ha ha, he’s being hypocritical again: “Washington is looking to the eastern elites.” You mean like YOU, surlypants?
8:08 — Ooh, a faggy little call-and-response game! He’ll mention some things that Washington has done, and if they’re not “full retard,” then you shout, “IT’S LIBERAL.”
8:10 — Here’s a fun game we just invented: call your friends on the telephone after every Romney applause line and ask, “better than Reagan?”
8:11 — The liberals want to keep pornography in schools. Is that a problem these days, with the children? All we know about schools is that Republican VP daughters tend to get pregnant in them. Pornography in schools sounds like a safe, masturbatory alternative.
8:12 — He says the economy looks like “Adam Smith on steroids.” Isn’t that EXACTLY what Republicans want? An Invisible Hand covered in testosterone cream? NO, says the founder of Bain Capital.
8:13 — We should conserve energy by grounding Al Gore’s private plane. But what about the private plane or the twenty private planes belonging to our fair Mittens the Romney?
8:15 — Mitt wants Straight Talk instead of Political Correctness, which is why no one in the Republican establishment is playing the sexism card every three seconds re: the VP candidate who has literally never said a word about globalization or foreign policy.
8:17 — That speech was short, just like Mitty’s cock-a. WE MISS YOU BABY. CALL SOME TIME. NEED ALIMONY.
…the return of Mittens the destroyer!
Poor ol’ Moot…
He has trouble with geography. Sun rising in the west?
God damn Bush and those liberals.
Holy shit, I left my dog strapped to the roof of my car in the parking lot.
the last guy said only one label counts, now mittens is putting everything in nice neat boxes so the repubs can understand it.
<=proud to be a “liberal”
We need to get rid of liberal Washington? He must be talking about Washington state.
…hehehehe, he just mentioned children promiscuity!
“constitutional rights for terrorists at Guantanamo” = “LIBERAL”…….? How about “human”?
He wants homes to be free of pornography and drugs? No wonder he lost.
“schools that are free from pornography” ??? what the hell is he talking about.
Mitt’s family looks so bored.
he just called out porn and drugs. he lost a LOT of votes, my friends.
Now I’m going to throw up.
Did Romney, in just the first two minutes, declare war on a geographic direction, and identify human rights for detainees as an explicitly ‘liberal’ cause? This is beyond awesome.
did he just say WEEDWHACKER??
No unions, bitches!
Thought bubble {She sold the Alaska plane on Ebay??? Why didn’t my lazy ass sons do that with the Mittmobile?????}
this is a HORRID speech. i knew he was a world class idiot, but he’s easily top ten.
He complains about Eastern Elites and then said “largesse.”
Promiscuity in our schools! Mittens you brilliant bastard!
…it sounds like he is reading the mission statement of a investment banking group!
I love those signs that say “Drill now” because of course they are talking about sex, right?
Wait — is Romney going to say that the answer to the subprime mortgage debacle is less regulation? Yes, he fuckin’ is. I nominate Mittens for president of Wonderland.
Al Gore’s private jet?? What about air-Mittens?
Holy Shit, did you see that guy on MSNBC go “wooooo”?
What a… holy… god, what a… fuck…
Let’s free the internet of all pornography!
I just turned on the teevee. Apparently Mitt Romney is speaking at a school board meeting or something? Anyway, those fifty people seem pretty psyched to see him.
My, but I loath him….and it is just me, or are the GOP mouthpieces all functioning under a reality distortion field…I used to be a lawyer and I could not say some of this crap without giggling.
“the right course is to reign in gov. spending”…this after 8 years of unchecked spending and the largest growth in government (both in power and in actual size)….lying bastards
…USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!
AngryBlakGuy: nuts, beaten to it
I thought they talked about global terrorism, you know, a bit, at the DNC. I thought Radical Violent Islamic Jihad was the same thing, only more asshole-y.
Cuntry Fist.
Keep Al Gore’s private jet on the ground? Ok, if we can keep McCain in just a half dozen houses.
I am literally crying now, because I may never get to see this grinning idiot be chewed up and spat out in a debate with Biden.
Regan, radical-violent Islam, jihad, Regan, good and evil, St. Regan protect us, blah, blah, blah…
USA CHANT! USA CHANT! USA CHANT! USA CHANT! USA CHANT! USA CHANT! USA CHANT!
Palin doesn’t need a state airplane, she’s got her own personal broom.
Heh, he said Putin.
playing on the fear riff now.
I’m for anal in schools
Whoa……..deja voodoo, the” axis of Evil”!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! whither kinder gentler America!
…classy Mittens! Go after Michele Obama!
Mittens questioning Todd Palin’s patriotism? Not sure…
Ye Olde Retardican CRAP
The terrorists!! Holy Jeebus the terrorists!!
When is he going to say Obama will abolish social security?
Man, I thought Joe Leiberman was a douche.
“There was never a day when I was not proud to be an American.”
As a rich, doltish white guy, that’s quite a daring statement, Mitt.
Aquaninajad? Did I hear right? Who the hell is that? Aquaman’s radical Islamic cousin?
The hope of the earth.
Wooo. Librul-hatin’ white wimmens in cowboy hats! Hawt!
LuxMentis: So many to loathe… and so little time…
“Thank you and Kolob bless America!”
That’s it?????
Providence of the Almighty! Hope of the Earth! OMFG!
AAAhhh, it’s the fascism, stoopid!
So, are they just randomly picking 5 speeches from 1988 and putting them in the blender? It’s like they still think they’re running against a Mondale or something, rather than running for their lives.
This is appropriate music. “Things so bad. You think they can’t go from bad to worse, and then they do.” Hi Rudy!
Mitt rips on PC speech, yet when I tell him what I think about him without sugarcoating he cries so hard he gets a big snot-string trailing from his nose to his mouth to his sleeve.
Morony all mighty, wrap it up Mitt Reagan.
notapipe: It’s really hard to watch. I’m on like my 5th drink and am just warming up.
Mitten/Zombie Reagan ‘12, you heard it here first!
So many empty seats. Maybe there is hope.
I guess he played to the “base.” Damn, that’s one stupid base.
John McCain knows all about T-Rex appetites after all he spend most of his youth avoiding them
what the fuck is this country song that is playing “before the devil even knows you’re there….”
his speech signifies what is wrong with douche bag republicans.
we will fight evil religious extremism! Oh, wait…
kfcbeveragelover: No nancy reagan?
“..we inherited the greatest nation on Earth…” — yeah, the Native Americans willed it to him and his family.
Brokaw is stealing your points, Newell!!!! RE: MITT=EAST COAST ELITIST ARUGULA TOSSER!
For the love of Moroni MSNBC take the camera off the manjaw with the orange maracas
Man, Mitt must have gotten his ass kicked in school.
I wish he would have mentioned how many workers he has downsized this year so far.
Ha — the CNN.com guy is saying the handmade signs the audience is holding up were made by the RNC and passed out before the speeches began.
Nothing sadder than a whole stadium doing the “white man’s overbite” to EW&F. None of the people can dance…
so wait, LIBERAL washington that put two new justices on the supreme court, has the executive branch, and controlled congress until just 2 years ago did all this! you should shoot yourselves!
Damn. They are truly PATHETIC dancers, those reds
I wish he would have mentioned how many workers he has downsized this year.
Tweety: Mittens will be teh prez.
Boy, this convention is a true cross section of America! So far I saw two black people in the audience and one Asian guy.
Nice try with the Earth Wind and Fire! Well, it is September i guess…
D Gregory needs red meat. Here you go, monkeymouth.
MSNBC just showed someone with a shirt that read “MORE COWBELL less obama”
It’s good to know that, as much as the DNC delegates tried, the Republicans can still outdork them.
“Constitutional protections for terrorists? LIBERAL!”
“Did you hear the Democrats last week talk about radical Islamic jihad?”
I’ve never liked or respected Willard Mitt Romney, and I’ve had plenty of good times mocking him. But I’ve never actively hated and despised the fucker until now. Especially since he KNOWS all the viciously divisive things he’s saying are pure bullshit rhetorically engineered solely to enrage a portion of America at the illusory vileness of another portion of America.
Mitt Romney is Goebbels without the clubfoot. If he thought it’d work to his political advantage, he’d lead a lynch mob against a convent and make sure the camera got him at the best angle as he hauled on the rope.
I get a little teary-eyed thinking about what could have been with Mitt on the ticket. THERE’S STILL TIME, JOHN MCCAIN — DO IT FOR US!
Dude, looks like the Hucktser stopped running marathons.
The Huckster is still breathing and stupid and I thank the baby Jee bus.
It’s Mike I-think-I’m-funny Huckabee. Special drink for every mean joke. There’s one already.
Squirrels! The other grey meat…
AGGH!!! I just turned this on, and it was white Republican guys ‘dancing’!!
Elite media. That’d be Roger Ailes. No?
Gomer Time.
I’m sold! I’m voting for the Nuts! Can the Cnut…er…Cunt! Yes!
BEWARE THE EVIL!!! Only witch doctor Walnuts! has the magical powers to defeat THE EVIL that all these LIBERAL MEDIA ELITE can’t see.
Fat + Funny = Chris Farley = Mike Huckabee = coke overdose
Huck is talking about prejudice? Is he coming out of the closet????
Looks like the Hucks is letting his diet slip a wee bit. He’s so fat.
I moved to Mass while Mitt was in office, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what people saw in him. Oh wait, we had moderate Mitt, not bible-thumping, fetus-protecting, crude-oil lovin’ Mitt….
Ah don’t see no cullers. And these cullers don’t run, you commies.
He has respect for the niggah. But not because he’s a niggah.
HUCKABEES CRACKIN JOKES
I appreciate the Negroes, but only figuratively speaking, of course…
Romney gives a 7 minute speech noting promiscuous high schoolers and Huckabee says he wished he was the president?! Oh McCain, you have been shit on by professionals!
When I think how close this poor country came to the spectacle of Candidate Romney, it sends shivers up an down my spine.
Too smart to be a tard, too dumb to pose for honcho.
“But the presidency is not a symbolic job.”
Someone should wake George Bush and let the fucker know.
Tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert. Ho, ho, ho! Zing! Huckabee with the fresh material.
Woo hoo! The huckster is campaigning for Obama! I think? Maybe? WTF are any of them talking about?
OK, change repub style, now. Freedom, snooping, and the chance to shoot each other in the face.
You want something to change? YOU’RE AT THE WRONG CONVENTION, point the time machine back and to the left.
…do they not realize that they are reminding America how badly they fukked things up?!?!
How did Huckabee get any votes in the primary? He indicts his own party, talks down to the uppity Obama, pretends he remembers segregation….Yes! Condemn the Obama trip to Europe! Those fuckers made us fight WWII, where McCain was held in Stalag 13 for 5.5 years.
Huckabee- And Opie almost made it to the White House, Aunt Bee would’ve been happy.
This is not about McCain. It’s about ewe.
PLease give us less of YOUR gummint, Goober.
And now a riff on Bill and Ted? God, Republicans are a little behind the trend curve, aren’t they.
Huckabee telling us how much Repub loooooove freedom. His hero is FDR..maybe he’ll vote for Obama?
European ideas, like democracy.
Silk stockings and silver spoons? Seriously?
Soooo Washington is currently liberal? And we need to elect John McCain and Sarah Palin to move it far to the right of the hippie-dippy liberalism of the likes of George Bush and Dick Cheney? Huh.
Who can hold their liquor? Shots required every time Ghouliani says 9/11!!
My german wife wants to castrate huckabee right about nowish….
Hey, did anyone know this guy was an idiot??
Atoz: And notice they recycle them. I think they call central casting at Disney. “Hey; send a group of random non-white people we can plug in…”
I’m not a Republican because I grew up rich, I’m a Republican because I’m a bigoted asshole!
You were shower raped up through college?
Huckabee quotes Nixon (without attribution, natch).
Huckabee- I guess the government should not have helped out the Gustav victims. Republicans don’t like government because they can’t govern!
“I was in college before I found out it isn’t supposed to hurt when you take a shower.”
And if Mike ever sees his high school gym teacher again….
It isn’t support to hurt when you take a shower with Lava.
Cunts first…. er….
Oh man. Wasilla hates Biden!
…every human life has value until its born, then you are on your own.
He is an absolute fuckwit The audacity of that slimy phoney spouting his ridiculous rant before the entire country. He is laughable.
head exploding… none of this makes sense… need to drop some acid to understand
A mega-church in every pot!
5 1/2 years!!!
TAKE THAT, Jumpin’ Joe! That’ll teach you to come to our convention!
…what the fukk is that building in the background.
Drink.
Subdude: and personal liberties.
All I can think about when I see Mittens is the Mormon Garment he’s wearing. It has little cryptic symbols embroidered into it, and a special cock-hole for teh secks, so you don’t have to take it off.
MORE VOTES THAN BIDEN DID FOR PRESIDENT! OHHHH BURNNN!!! YOU JUST DESTROYED BIDEN WITH YOUR FUN FAXXX!!!
“She got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla AK than Biden did running for president of the United States.”
Uh — she won by 800-some votes to 500-some votes — in a city of 5,000.
Was McCain in Viet Nam or something?
democrats hate the freedom, security, and the moneys.
mm hmm.
Poor McCain’t, no Lava in the Nam.
…ummmmmmmmm, he didn’t take the easy path by having his ADMIRAL father and grandfather pull strings to keep him from washing out of flight school?!
That mccain, he’s a giver
“He was shot down and captured — brutally tortured…”
And he kept that watch in his ass for five and a half years!
AngryBlakGuy: I think it’s the Little Rock Taco Bell
Whoops, comments got turned off in Sara’s Huckabee liveblog, but that is now fixed, and the comments are on.
Sexual favors for the desk.
Hey- Black People!!
Oh boy — here goes the “You don’t have to earn your desks. These brave veterans earned them for you” story, with the vets carrying them in.
SayItWithWookies: Anonymous Office Zombie: Absolutely a killer fact. Joe Biden has died, I believe.
Prick knows how to read a t-promptor.
Kids need to be POWs before they earn desks in school.
you get a desk if you kill foreigners..what a lesson
That teacher was batshit insane.
Wait! We went to war for desks?????
I swear, Huckabee hasn’t gotten a single new story in the last two years.
I forgot what this is about already. What do veterans and school desks have to do with anything. Shaggy dog story.
Ken, why do you hate Sara?
So the point of that story is…you don’t have to do anything to earn your desk? Freaking awesome.
Longest story, ever!!! Nam vets bring back desks? I don’t get it… I’m pretty sure the (lead covered) desks came from China.
AngryBlakGuy: that is the beautiful yard that you can EARN in Huck’s America.
NO FUCKING SNARKING ON THE FAT UGLY CRYING VETERAN!
Did not John McCain oppose MLK holiday?
what is up with the school desks? are they made from the bodies of the Vietnamese..
Wooo! Mittens is stomping the shit out of the Republican Congress and Whitehouse! They’ve done a lot of big-spending liberal stuff, and he hates it. But, first Romnoid paused for sly digs at Huckabee and Palen’s children when he abhorred pornography and promiscuity in the schools.
Mittbot is back!
Um, Huck? The students don’t need to earn their desks because their PARENTS PAID TAXES FOR THEM.
I just noticed the veterans at this convention are way older than at the democrat one.
Iraqis hate us for our desks.
Hucklebee makes me chuckle, but he also kinda makes me want to barf. School desks? WTF?
hahahaha… Douchy Huckster was wrong about Biden’s votes for Preznit… he got 33,000 votes for Preznit, 6x as many people were in Shithole Wassila Alaska…
Huckster will now go back and make disgusting muskrat love to his chilrins.
barren earth:
Nice.
As early evidence of Sarah’s pregancy, they eloped!
yay! basketball leader. Miss Wasilla! talk about *experience*. I’m convinced.
not
I want to know more about Todd. How does he fish and work in the oil fields at the same time? Oh yah, I forgot, they spill the oil in the water up there.
she won’t reinvent herself (unlike McShame)
Don’t know about you guys, but I’ve preeettty much had it with raspberry advertising making my free speech less free. But, fuck it. Fill the coffers.
ms_mcgee: We need to get rid of liberal Washington? He must be talking about Washington state.
Washington State? Please, we Washingtonians prefer “The Soviet of Washington.”
Thank You.
yes, but the democrats can balance their checkbooks, unlike the republicans
I missed this whole thing while grocery and vodka shopping. I trust I am better off for that.
They’re still talking about geography, and the crowd is going nuts. am I missing something?
“Washington is broken”. I love it.
ok, bets in now. how many mentions of 9/11 ? He actually has to say 911, 9/11, sept 11.
I say 20
Will Sarah wear a bun, or not?
Ken Layne: Wuz gonna ask. After a long day’s radon meter testing in the District I need something less carcinogenic to settle down with.
Fk me, it’s Mittens on liberals and their preposterous proposals and ghastly futures for the country, and some running mate named Helena Handbasket.
OMG hypocrisy overload!! Hurgh, hurgh, garrrhhhhh. Whoa, ermmm, ptsh ptsh uuuuh. Ik. Ptsh. Ahk. Hrrm.
Ok have voided the most obvious sources of bile but still my brain feels dirty.
who is he talking about?
no ideas, so he goes for character slurs. They’re not even good slurs.
Hypocrites on parade….
Hypocrites on parade
I just saw Putin in the audience
dontmeanship: Ref me?? I’ll take you through this slowly, and soberly, having an outbreak of serious.
Mitt’s speech makes no sense to me. But Wonkette Executive Branch introduced the right themes.
There is a minor matter of a geopolitical and financial crisis under way, on the watch of the current administration. And some issues of those who have been in DC for some time pretending they’re outsiders. Ha.
The absence of a serious debate on economics over the past week should be a cause of concern.
I wanted to hear more on this from all the candidates, did not get it, and wonder how the fk the programs are going to be delivered. By whom, with what money, borrowed from whom at what rates and with what implications, and fkn so on.
Slurs? So I called Mittens a hypocrite? All good round here.
Fkn hell. I’m a wonk, this is Wonkette, but back to keeping the snarks surreal… which is my main and throbbing thrust.
Kind of a stretch to call them “highlights,” but audio clips are up here: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2896/Mitt-Romney-Addresses-The-2008-GOP-Convention
Lascauxcaveman: Point taken from the Republic of Oregon