Wonkette
Our favorite blog about nothing that we never read written by a 23-year-old unemployed airhead, Meghan McCain’s “McCain Bloggette,” is now the author of a children’s book about John McCain dropping bombs on children in Vietnam. Meghan signed copies of this book at some event we were NOT invited to, yesterday, at the RNC, and she tells People magazine that she’s super happy about her parents’ very slim chances of winning the White House, so she can move into Jenna Bush’s old room at the White House. [PEOPLE]
I’ve got some more titles for her:
Walnuts! and the FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!1! of Firehosed Albatross
Alaskan Queen Crab Meets Her Crunchy, Walnut-Breaded Doom!
YarrBrrYarr: The Life of an Alaskan Pirate Booty
On The Trail: Following Palin’s Amniotic Legacy
How Bristol Got Her Baby Back
Still waiting for Meghan to blog about being unhappy that she has to stand on stage with her chunkier, darker “sister” Bridget.
GET JOB TUBBY!
Her mother has all the money in world (and her father is a political gigalo) and that’s the best hair she can have? Meghan, look for a new stylist, hon.
Cuntry First Meghan! Do your part! Get pregnant and do not abort! Join the Navy!
I bet Jenna Bush’s old room smells like Smith’s Point and anal…
She’s 23 and still living with her parents? Why haven’t they married her off to some waspy, ivy league douchebag yet?
Someone should pass a law that once a presidential child is 18 or out of college…NO LIVING AT THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!
(Special exception for those with special needs, although I guess Tubby might fall under that)
Wait, if she wrote a children’s book, and it got published…doesn’t that mean she technically has a job?
just sayin. She still needs a life.
dano: Three words: White House Wedding.
Ah, unemployed, privileged, white girls. Like my ex-girlfriend. God I hate her.
shoeho:
No, they’ll find the second ugliest place in America (ranking only behind that stock pond Jenna chose as her wedding site) and get married there. How about the Phoenix dump?
soytrucknutz: I actually haven’t seen Bridget on stage yet. I bet they are going to hide her behind Bristol’s stomach so people don’t think John McCain is muslim.
http://bigheaddc.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/mccain-sisters.jpg
JadedDIssonance: Much is made of the “nice drawings” in the book. She didn’t do them. She basically wrote captions for pix.
LEAVE MEGHAN ALONE ALL OF YOU! LEAVE HER ALONE! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER YOU COME TO ME! LEAVE. HER. ALONE.
Wonder what it’s like to have a dad that’s old enough to be your grandpa.
“I feel like I’m living out my rock-n-roll fantasies, living on the bus, hitting the road. Getting laid by the roadies. Getting totally high on Mom’s stash. Work is for Losers!”
Meghan McCain, who blogs about her family’s behind-the-scenes campaign adventures at McCainBlogette.com, said that tagging along on the stump is the most fun she’s ever had. “I feel like I’m living out my rock-n-roll fantasies, living on the bus, hitting the road.” Why wasn’t this mentioned? She’s obviously a groupie along with Jackee and Jimmee and Darkee. “Straight Talk” tourbus…Hash and Shrooms make the Alphabet-License-Plate Game a whole lot more fun! No Wonder campaign reporters have such a “good time.”
I doubt this Meghan person will be able to have the American people identify with her at all. She’s not underage or pregnant or in an arranged shotgun wedding. All of these are critical to being embraced by the voters. At least that’s what every Republican keeps saying. There’s still time before the election to get a bun in the oven Megs.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
If she wrote a book, can you still call her unemployed?
I love how one of the sponsored links when you go to People is “lose 15 pounds”….very appropriate…
shoeho: ok, whew. Still unemployed aside from her Straight Talk Escort Service.
Megan does nothing for me, but I’m finding it more and more curious that Bridget is no where to be seen. I’m curious as to why. Is it because she hates the spotlight? If so then I can respect that. If not then why is McCain ashamed of his “black” baby?
Meghan is a skank. I don’t know what that means, but I know one when I see one.
ManchuCandidate: Watching the convention last night (during commercial breaks for JAIL), I saw Fred Thompson talking about Walnuts!’ FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!1! of injuries (in a tone similar to that used by my sunday school teacher when referring to the sufferings of Jesus) and he recognized the entire Walunuts! clan. Bridget had to be heavily coaxed into standing up, Tubby practically heaved her to her feet…no small feat…
Gopherit v2.0: You, sir…are speedy.
soytrucknutz: …I love how they had to do an entire segment at the Republican convention highlighting that their daughter was ADOPTED. They gotta make sure they wash away all the Karl Rove venom from 2000!
mookworthjwilson: You expect the spawn of Walnuts and Cindy the Beer Whore to WORK? You Communist! It is the God-given right of every obscenely-rich American to squeeze out kids like movie tickets and then let them live off the money made by oppressing the proletariat!
shortsshortsshorts: Oh, yeah? Bring the pain, bitch!
ManchuCandidate: Maybe she’s allergic to sunlight.
madirishman: In Soviet Russia, Meaghan’s job is being a moron. She always meets her quota.
Why is Teh Wonkette featuring Nazi Propaganda? Isn’t there some sort of online rule about mentioning Hitler?
Terry: Is Cindy her actual mother? OMFG! And she came out looking like Walnuts. It’s a crime against nature. And an argument for family planning.
Among other GOP spawn, part of the Enquirer story is online. Claims that mommy wanted to sit on the pregnancy news until after the convention, force a secret wedding and then go public with her married and pregnant daughter, later. Bristol, who no doubt wants a White House wedding, balked. Enquirer taking credit for ruining the girl’s life by letting the Palin’s know that Levi’s family was about to steal their thunder, forcing the GOP to make their hasty Labor Day announcement:
http://www.nationalenquirer.com/sarah_palin_at_war_with_her_daughter_over_pregnancy_wedding/celebrity/65370
It’s either Meghan or Granma from Kenya moving into the CasaBlanca. You choose.
btwbfdimho: I pick Granny Obama…she makes a mean sweet potato pie…whereas Tubby just looks like a sweet potato…
The National Enquirer has become the most trusted name in news.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Sadly, there are probably people who think that, after the Edwards’s Babygate.
Miller: Yeah, if McCain’s people were smart, they should try as hard as possible to pimp Meghan out so she can get preggers too. Since she’s apparently on the road and feeling like a rock star, I’m sure this would be an easy thing to do.
Aurelio: or forced sterilization!
question: is (athena forbid!) WALNUTS becomes president and they move into the white house, does he have to count this as one of his houses? i’m concerned about this because with all the other stuff — like names of other leaders and when to take his medications among other things — his brain might explode.
Cindy is so proud of her being published at such a young age.
Yes, she’s the next Orson Welles, Cindy. You should be so proud.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Yes, unless it’s a plagerized Seinfeld cookbook.
Meghan’s next tome “Mr Burns & Maude Flanders go to Washington”
shortsshortsshorts: Aurelio: Meaghan is actually an escapee from some super-secret government genetics experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong. I mean, come on–can you imagine Walnuts and Cindy the Beer Whore having SEX? The horror! The horror!
Of course! The whole Palin fiasco is just smoke-and-mirrors to distract us from Walnut’s closet full of skeletons! What a brilliant move by the GOP!
I miss the old days when there was so many easy comments about Mehgan. She’s become so normally ordinary boring now with the emergence of her alaskan cousins.
dano: I think Meghan’s just told daddy she’s living with them. Daddy just figures its in one of his houses he hasn’t been too, or he thinks he’s gone to the wrong house when he goes home at night.
chascates: win
So, when my plan to become incredibly wealthy come to fruition, my dear Wonketteers, will you think less of me?
It will be by my own sweat equity, so to speak, as I have not married an heiress of fortune.
Will you all come to my house for a BBQ? No press allowed.
Oh, and additionally, I promise not to quit drinking before the BBQ.
We can all get hammered.
Twice.
Comeon, what do we think the Jenna Bush room smell is: ????
MoodProcessor: I’m in.
Let me know when I can use my “Why is Megan McCain so ugly? Because Alberto Gonzales is her father” gag.
MoodProcessor: I’ll bring the guns and ammo.
AngryBlakGuy: Brigette was adopted? I thought McCain was skin-whitening al-la Michael J.
Walter Sobchak:
Sweet. I’ll need a head count in about 18 months.
WadISay: Fire when ready…
MoodProcessor: Pyramid Scheme? Amway?
shortsshortsshorts: Great. I love magazines.
MoodProcessor: I love sweat equity. I’ll be there with some of my own. OK if I bring the drugs though? Drinking is passe, unless it was the 1920s
floraway: hey, it looks like she can give orson a run for the money when it comes to groceries.
Hey, don’t we need a thread for the Palin speech drinking game? I mean, I hardly need an excuse, but we really could at least be creative about it.
mookworthjwilson: Funny!
I can haz Linkun Bedrum?
Borat: Absinthe?
mookworthjwilson:
Human Trafficking.
AngryBlakGuy: Naw, this shit is like Lad Macbeth, you can say out damn spot all you want and that taint sticks around….kinda like the odor in Jenna Bush’s room.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: “Reformer” will be the keyword to get drunk to really quickly.
Spiro Agnew: Rum and tuna.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Okay, every “snowmachine” one shot. Each “family values” a slurp of beer. “Alaska” another shot. Please carry on, we need to be comatose in the first three minutes or our heads will explode from that Fargo accent.
I just had a thought for no good reason–Any known meth labs in Wasilla?
capitol hillbilly: Unlike Orson, Paul Masson is too good for our Meghan…she likes Franzia straight from the box…
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Every time Palin says “Bristol,” there has to be one abortion.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: A shotgunned beer for every time she uses the word “Nuke-U-Lar” and two sips for “experience(d).”
I’m gonna be sooo gone.
shoeho: mr.november: I was thinking that “big oil” and “drilling” (generally not in a Bristol context, but definitely drink twice if that happens) should be decent drinking buzzwords. “Women” should be buzzworthy, as well.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: “Executive Experience”
everytime i think to myself, “cootchie,” i’m hammerin’ a beer, stoly back…
cause i’m old-fashioned.
Cogito Ergo Bibo:
“Command”
Conservatives can play this game too!
http://www.imao.us/archives/010386.html
“Every time you get nervous, take a shot.”
JadedDIssonance: Is there some rule that if you’re a Republican, you’re required to mispronounce “nuclear”? Seriously.
MoodProcessor: A drink and a laugh! It’s a twofer!
Cogito Ergo Bibo: If she utters the word “Hillary”, lets start a suicide pact.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Every time she gratuitously makes the sound “eh” when it cannot possibly be a grammatical part of the sentence I will be injecting tar heroin directly into my eyeball because that’s the only way I can make it stop hurting.
If she mentions hunting or moose you have to take a shot of “Alaska Vodka”
Cogito Ergo Bibo: It’s probably some illuminati insider password, like the know-nothings of the 18th century.Servo: “National Guard?”
I hate that I will hafta watch tonight’s speech with nothing but lots of alcohol and no live-blogging.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Or before. Jerry Springer anyone?
ARRRRGHHH!!! Okay, I’ve reached my limit. I’m boycotting Wonkette until this pink abortion of a background is GONE. Who knew that anything could be more annoying than the smug visage of that Ira Glass motherfucker.
Call me when it’s over.
Somebody needs to tell her that Lord and Lady Douchebag will be right back at one of their 7 houses come January!
Is it wrong that I’m taking notes and inviting friends to my place? BYOB, folks. I cannot possibly afford this much alcohol. New entries from associates:
Any 9/11 imagery
Taxes
Maverick
Wild card: taking off glasses for emphasis requires chugging.
Megan McCain is a moron, and no one gives a damn about her outside of a few psychotic conservatives who have lost their minds.
still not liking the background advert wonkette….
“Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard.”
I am thinking of springing Casey Anthony to babysit for Sarah. Any thoughts?
angryhippopotamus:
Win!
The more I read about Sarah Palin and Meghan McCain — and how they are rallyin’ the faithful — the more I realize that a lot of us ol’ white folks will do anything to avoid having to vote for a ni…well, a black guy. By the time the GOP spin machine is done, Gov. Palin will have written her first anti-abortion petition on the placenta of her first child and crawled on her hands and knees to circulate it — in below 0 weather, no less.
No coverage of Ron Paul’s little event? NO COVERAGE?
THIS IS THE LIBRUL MSM PUTTING DOWN THE rEVOLution!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
Spiro Agnew: Santorum (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=santorum)
On its Palin cover, Enquirer refers to “affair that nearly ruined her career”. That John Edwards gets around…
I’m adding “invoking the PTA as part of her experience” as a serious chug item, in the drinking game.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: You also need to include a chug caveat for mentioning the size of the workforce she “goverened” as “mayor” and as “governor.”
shortsshortsshorts: Um, you mean REVOlution…right? Because it’s OVER, er REVO?
shortsshortsshorts: Not True! There was a “human interest” piece just this morning at 6:52am ElitiST time where the reporter was asking how far people had driven to get to this latest paultardpalooza event.
DieOnTheTurnpike: and if they used the actual word palutardpalooza, I’m leaving them my entire estate in my will.
madirishman: Your comment: “Can you imagine Walnuts and Cindy the Beer Whore having SEX?”
You had to put that image in my mind, didn’t you? Just had to. Now I’m stuck with it. I never thought of them as having sex before. Eeeeeewwww!
I want to be her BFF
Can you imagine Megan McCain having sex in the White House?!