Remember that time (pictured above, for your viewing pleasures!) Campbell Brown was unforgivably rude to Tucker Bounds by asking him what Sarah Palin had ever actually done as commander of the Alaskan National Guard? Why, it was almost as awful as that time Chris Matthews was unforgivably rude to Kirk Watson by asking him to list Barack Obama’s legislative accomplishments! And that is why Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s masturbator-in-chief, is so steamed that the members of the media are treating Sarah Palin unfairly.

Every day, more terrible rumors and allegations surface about Palin’s drunken corrupt secessionist abstinence-only snowbilly reign of terror over the Great White North. And the press has the temerity to actually ask if any of this crap is true. Steve Schmidt is appalled that anyone would ask about the qualifications of a vice presidential nominee who lived near Russia once, and has four or five kids.

The War Against the Press [Washington Post]
Tucker Bounds on Palin’s National Security Experience [YouTube]
“Hardball” Way Too Hard for Obama Supporter Kirk Watson [YouTube]

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  1. It is totally unfair to ask the Commander of the Alaska National Guard and thus Commander of the 49th Missile Defense Battalion about anything she may have decided, because of course it’s classified, and if she told you, she’d have to kill you.

  2. You know, I keep thinking that surely – surely – McCain will wake up, pull Palin and replace her with another, even more right-wing Christian conservative whacka-do. I’d have guessed Huckleberry. But more and more, he seems driven into sticking with this awful decision. Which fills me with both almost unbearable joy (I can’t tear myself away from this, it just keeps getting better/worse), and sheer horror. I mean, what if McCain wins this fucking thing?

  3. For God’s sakes, Campbell, we in the McCain campaign just learned of this woman’s existence a couple of days ago, and now you want us to be all like: “Oh yeah, she’s done this and this and this and blah, blah, blah… let us get to know her first, OK?”

  4. “a vice presidential nominee who lived near Russia once, and has four or five kids.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you suggesting Palin was schtupin Putin?

  5. It is totally inappropriate for the press to question anything, ever. The only real sources of information are the White House Press office, certain televangilists, and the pope (some, but not all matters)

  6. surprised Tucker didn’t have some stock footage of Palin driving a tank a la michael dukakis. if he could get a helmet on his hair she might just be able to stuff all of hers up in there too.

  7. For argument’s sake, I would grant that trying to referee a 7-member family of crazy snowbillies might come close to managing foreign conflict. Just imagine the number of guns they must have at that mansion.

  8. Here’s a professional comment to Schmidt, Bounds, McCain and others from several career professionals in the government, politics, media, law, environmental and communications fields, and it is meant as purely professional: Grow up, stop your bitching and moaning and whining and bullshit. Grow up. Be a man–not a wimp. You know, as we all know, that the Palin pick was completely moronic, that she has zero experience to be a governor, vice president, president or anything else in politics, that she is under investigation by the Alaska State Legislature for alleged ethics violations, that she is completely unqualified, that she is a moron, and that McCain made one of the most stupid decisions in his 40 years in politics. You know all of this. So don’t sit there and throw crap at the American people like a child. Campbell Brown was doing something that more of her peers on television need to do: practice real journalism. She was asking the right questions. Tucker Bounds dodged the questions, threw up more crap, and never answered the question or admitted the truth. The truth is that Palin lacks the experience to be governor, vice president or president. You face that, you admit the truth, and you move on. That’s what real men do, and it’s not what the McCain campaign is doing at all.

  9. wait, palin will explain the economic engine that drives wasilla, alaska. tonite she will illustrate string theory.

    lets face it she has protected alaska from canada in the south, greenland and iceland in the east, russia in the west and polar bears from the north. you may not recall but the japanese invaded alaskan territory in the 40s but they are not there now.

    go sarah!

  10. “How dare you ask about substantive executive experience, Campbell! I mean, just look at the governor’s fine, fine ass! Can you believe she’s popped out at least four kids?”

    God damn the liberal main stream media and their un-American anti-fine-ass bias…

  11. [re=80941]NegativeZero[/re]: There’s 3 of em: Tucker Carlson, Bounds & Eskew (the guy who said Walnuts fathered a black child in the 2000 SC primaries, thus handing the nomination to W. Who, BTW, now works for Walnuts–‘Country First’? Right, he doesn’t even put his family first. My husband would have kicked his teeth out–not asked him to work for him.)

  12. [re=80934]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: While I think that Palin is a joke and that it seems to me that the Publicans aren’t really even trying this year, McCain might win. Who the hell knows what this country will do? But McCain will not drop Palin. I would be more stunned if he dropped her than when he picked her. The Republican base loves her, and unless they find out she killed somebody or boinked a commie on the Governor’s desk (it wouldn’t matter if it was in teh Mayor’s office) she is in this thing for the long haul. Hopefully hilarity will ensue, and we will all watch the Publican slowly implode. But I don’t think she is going anywhere.

    It sure hasn’t taken long for Sarah’s Hanoi Hilton experience to come full force.

    And that is about how much experience Sarah Palin actually has.

    And that is how old Bristol was when she mothered her first child.

    This is how long Walnuts has wanted to be President.

    And this is how old he is.

  14. The campaign strategy is obvious — whine long enough and hard enough for America to go “Fine here! Be president! Just shut the fuck up already!”

    It’s worked for the Bush administration; why shouldn’t McCain and Co. try it?

  15. Yeah it’s awful that the mainstream media is asking about their pregnant daughter. Can’t the Palin family be allowed to parade her and her boyfriend in front of the convention in peace? And leave the Alaska National Guard out of this — they’re practically family too. And stop asking about her crazy preacher who thinks people who don’t love George W. Bush are going to hell. Also, enough about how she took Wasilla from having a balanced budget to being $20 million in debt, or how she raised taxes, or how she lied about rejecting the Bridge to Nowhere. Now let’s have a rational debate on the substantive issues — like what Obama was taught in his Indonesian madrassa.

  16. …do Republicans not realize that by trying to make her sound experienced they ironically make her sound even worse?! Not even the most back water, inbred, illiterate, snaggled toothed yokel would believe that Sarah Palin ever commanded the national guard. This wreaks of desperation! And by the way when is the press going to be able to sinking their teeth into her in a live televised interview?!

  17. [re=80952]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: I suspect you’re correct. I’m looking into coastal real estate in Spain; it’s pretty there, and the cost of living’s not too bad. Palin as VP … my God.

  18. What? Challenging her credentials? Asking questions about scandals? Who does the press think it is? Just accept it and let everyone know that she was the best pick imaginable.

    I, for one, welcome our new Palin overlords.

  19. McCain is indeed the Joker.
    “Do I look like a man with a palin?”

    The Repubs whining is the icing on this EPIC PHAIL.

    By the time this over, I’m betting everyone involved (aside from the loonies at the Council for National Policy) will be regretting this ever happened.

  20. Buchanan’s gushing praise for Palin makes me wonder — and not in a good way — who he’d have picked for a running mate if his presidential bid had succeeded.

  21. [re=80959]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Let me know what you find out about Spain. The weather is great, the wine is cheap and plentiful. I’d be your neighbor, plus I always wanted to learn Spanish. HOPEfully, it won’t come to that. Obama has a great ground game, and I think this is a turn out election more so than ever before. But it scares me silly to think that these asshats could be in charge.

  22. [re=80957]SayItWithWookies[/re]: If the media outlets would drop the Bristolgate crap and focus on her record as a mayor and governor, I think she’d be in big trouble. As long as the stories on her focus on her family situation, she’ll elicit tons of sympathy from low-info voters across the country.

  23. Slightly off-topic, but I had never heard the term snowbilly before Sarah Palin crossed over the Rockies with her posse of snow sasquatches and yetis. Did you guys make it up, or am I just out of it?

  24. If John & Sarah (surely a 1960s folk duo?) get elected, Nancy P should put in a call to Ken Starr. He’s good at asking tough questions. Or would that be too mean?

  25. But what if she goes out tonight and gives a nuanced, rhetorically soaring address that touches gracefully on all the issues, while revealing her grounded intelligence? Then what?

  26. All jokes aside, McCain really can win this thing. There are plenty of ignorant motherfuckers who will vote for him (e.g. the people who voted for W). And then we are all going to be completely and utterly fucked. I actually think that 4 (or 8, Jeebus Help Us) years of these two asshats will make us look back fondly on W, and wonder what he is up to and if he will maybe think about being president again.

    If McCain/Palin do win, I will probably not vote ever ever ever again because I think it will be clear that, in the immortal words of Kent Brockman, Democracy doesn’t work.


    Baby beluga in the deep blue sea,
    Swim so wild and you swim so free.
    Heaven above and the sea below, And a little whale on the go.

    Baby beluga, oh, baby beluga,
    Is the water warm?
    Is your mama home with you so happy?

    Way down yonder where the dolphins play,
    Sarah Palin wants to hunt and kill all day.
    Waves roll in and the waves roll out!
    But she’s pointin’ her rifle at your spout.

    Baby beluga, oh, baby beluga,
    Sing your little song, sing for all your friends.
    We like to hear you.

    Baby beluga in the deep blue sea,
    Swim so wild and you swim so free.
    Heaven above and the sea below, And a little whale on the go.

    When it’s dark, you’re home and fed,
    Curl up snug in your water bed.
    Moon is shining and the stars are out.
    But Sarah’s gonna shoot your whale spout.

    Baby beluga, oh, baby beluga,
    With tomorrow’s sun, another day’s begun.
    You’ll soon be Sushi.

  28. [re=80981]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Now come on — nobody would possibly attribute some radical position of their pastor to the general flock. Why the very idea is absurd.

  29. [re=80975]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: I’m going with Vancouver, myself, with a winter pied a terre in the Caymans. Close enough so I can still lob verbal rocks over the boarder.

  30. [re=80996]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Awww. You’re so cute! With that voice? Simply not possible. Imagine Marge Gunderson talking passionately about, well, anything. Just makes me think of woodchippers.

  31. The part we didn’t see was Rick Davis dragging this poor schmuck in front of the camera while Tucker (why is it only Repug idiots are named…never mind) was screaming, “NO, don’t make me defend the snowbilly. They won’t let me into any of the prep school reunions!”

  32. [re=80975]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Si, como no? Espanol es muy facil, and everyone speaks English anyway. Plus, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead, thank goodness. (If you’re old enough to remember that bit, then we’ll get along just fine.)

    [re=80996]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: AH-HAHAHAHAHA!! Seriously, I am anxious to see Ms. Palin’s performance this evening. Heavy Valium/Phenobarbital/doping should be evident. I hope, but am not counting on, a teeth-gratingly bad performance.

  33. [re=80958]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: That, and they oughta know that isolating her from the press just makes the frenzy worse. I mean, damn. It’s Crisis Management 101.

    Start looking for deer-in-headlights moments when she’s clearly out of her depth…

  34. [re=81003]Q2[/re]: Nice. I was just about to write ‘Mooseburger’ to either the Ghostbusters or Sledgehammer theme… but will honor the one-song-per-thread convention.

  35. I knew this would come back to bite the media in the ass, what with their forcing of Palin as VP on the McCain campaign, their brainwashing answers to questions of out the minds and mouths of McCain surrogates, and their biased reporting of things that Palin did and said. I mean honestly, how low do you have to sink to report on an unknown VP candidate’s actions and words?

  36. [re=81017]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Remember Franco? He was the best man at my wedding. He betrayed me outside of Porto Petro. The bastard died owing me money. Oh…I…remember….FRANCO!

  37. [re=80928]Serolf Divad[/re]: Is that a real crazy preacher? His voice sounds a heck of a lot like WWE Superstar Edge. I was half-expecting him to start screaming about the Undertaker at any point.

  38. [re=80934]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Relax! No way in hell does Walnuts win the election. After 8 god-awful years of Dubya, the Repubs know their brand name is trashed, but they have to put up a candidate anyway. Walnuts, true to his Navy roots, is taking one for the team. To quote my cousin the Air Force pilot, “If you’re gonna crash-and-burn, you might as well go Mach 3 with your hair on fire!”

    As for Palin…yeah, I’d do her. Let her enjoy her 15 minutes of fame. That sound you hear is her political career swirling down the toilet.

  39. [re=81004]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Apparently, Hannity is still on the Wiliam Ayers thing, so I guess it’s not absurd to attribute some radical position of neighbors to those who live nearby the neighbor. It is absurd, however, to attribute the radical positions of a political group that wants to secceed from the union and says negative things about the US to somebody who is a member of said political group.

  40. [re=80981]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Well you knew that was gonna happen. Nobody in AK has ever seen a Jew or Black, so saying awful things about them is probably acceptable. Not sure Caribou Barbie’s going to go down because of a guest speaker at “her” church, though.

  41. [re=80958]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Starting in 2003, when that little unpleasantness began in that there EyeRack, many governors officially yielded command of their Guard Units to the Department of Defense. So that the queue of sending them off to Eyerack could begin. Without such codicil a governor who sends his or her Guard troops off on a foreign mission is violating constitutional precepts, federal laws and, often, state constitutions and state laws. So the Commander of the Alaska National Guard meme is a little thin, since he or she is required by federal law to give consent to the process and the president. And once the National Guard unit is under the direction of the president, and compensated by the United States (as opposed to the State) it can not be disbanded or deactivated without the consent of the president.

  42. [re=81099]grendel[/re]: My girlfriend and I have vowed to defect to Cuba if Walnuts! pulls this off. We’re going to run cigars across the border.

  43. [re=80959]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: I made the jump out of USA USA USA when it looked like Bush was going ‘all the way’. I strongly suggest you look into the same. Not Spain, but that wouldn’t be bad either

  44. The campaign is right, this is getting ridiculous.

    Time to take a book out of his Master Karl’s playbook and change the topic from the weather girl’s lack of experience and start talking about Steve Schmidt’s predilection for hairless teen boys that nobody has alleged yet…

  45. Okay, okay, so, like, I live in California, y’know, and, like, uh, so I was listening to NPR this morning, y’know, like, and, uh, it was a call-in show with Michael Krasny and like, he was taking calls from listeners, y’knw, and, uh, this one caller was razzing Obama, y’knw, that Hussein guy with the uppity baby mama, uh, and y’know, she was sayin’ how wrong, how wrong wrong wrong, uh, it is that Hussein Osama isn’t being nice to Sarah Plain’s 13-year old darter with the tummy bump. Y’know? Like, it’s just soooooo wrong that Osama says, Hands off on the familes, but that’s all he says. Wrong. Why doesn’t he say more? Why won’t the Negro be nice to Sarah and her distraught family of gun-totin’ beer-swillin’ part-Native patriots? Why does he hate them so much that he won’t, uh, I don’t know, he should do more.

    And she’s right, you know, she’s darn right, by gosh. Shame on the Democrats for bringing this on the darter and her unborn and the Sarah woman. Shame.

    Fuckin’ Muslins are ruining our nation, I tell ya!

  46. america is proud of gun totin’ vice presidents. from burr killing hamilton to cheney shooting his buddy. sarah is right in there with the other sociopaths.

    she’ll do just fine tonight, if she can read her script. women are all natural actresses. a few tears at the right time will work wonders. or will she do margaret thatcher,or evita peron, or elizabeth 1…..

  47. I figured it out. The Babydaddy is no longer in highschool. His mom said that, but wouldn’t say why. Tonight during the speech, Sarah will announce he’s joining the military.

    Now if you make fun of Sarah Palin, you’ll be asked why you hate the troops.

    Nice one Karl.

  48. It’s like that little paper clip guy showed up on the McCain vetting team’s screen or something. “It looks like you’re trying to lose the election! Need some help?”

  49. Well, that’s because Obama is an appeaser. Like Chamberlain.

    [re=81202]Valerie[/re]: Ha! What I wouldn’t do for Clippy to narrate this entire debacle with his cute little eyebrows-raising expressions and incessant pestering.

  50. Heavens, the media!

    I was impressed to hear Orin Hatch tell a caller on NPR that she’s “dumb” for suggesting that Sarah Plain and Tall doesn’t have executive experience. What a frigid old man, he is.

    One thing’s certain, Alaskins, like Elder Hatch, have corruption in spades. And isn’t that the highest qualification?

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