Wonkette
Old Dipshit Magee is gonna plain tell folks how’s good ol’ folks goin’ figger times ’bout proper we types need set up Mr. & Missus McPalin needin’ not have a colored for preznit. Let’s liveblog this fucking Gucci-clad Washington lobbyist millionaire fraud Hollywood suit.
9:13 PM — We’re at Liffey’s Irish Pub right outside the convention gates, because we can’t take the Xcel Center no more, too high-falutin’ in there.
9:13 PM — Ha ha, Fred Thompson is talking about Sarah Palin’s “small town values,” meaning she and her thousand kids all have each other’s kids, out on the back porch, by the moose stand.
9:14 PM — Oh hey people, did you hear John McCain was TORTURED??
9:15 PM — It is kind of hilarious to remember this guy was the great hope of the Republican party, and then he got negative-zero votes, and plus he quit his teevee show from which he earned millions and millions every year, and now he’s forced to be a K Street Lobbyist again, with his latest wife.
9:15 PM — So funny, the way John McCain was always a royal fuckup, but luckily his father and grandfather were admirals, so he didn’t get thrown out and was never forced to work, ever, in his life.
9:18 PM — John McCain is a human time bomb. Everything he does results in crashes and fire.
9:23 PM — FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.
9:23 PM — Did you know it has been five-and-a-half years since Jim Newell turned 18 years old? Where was he when John McCain did heroics? Well, Jim was actually a sweet little Vietnamese child, who John McCain killed, with bombs dropped from a plane.
9:26 PM — “I went to John McCain a lot,” says Thompson, about when he started in the Senate. John McCain knew where ALL the hot young GOP gals could be found, for new wives.
9:28 PM — Ha, Fred Thompson just accused Obama of doing fancy teevee acting for evil foreigners, sort of like Law & Order plays all the time in France, with FRENCH SUBTITLES OF GAYNESS.
9:30 PM — Jesus, FOX News is just making shit up for the caption/summary as Thompson reads his speech. “THOMPSON: OBAMA MOST INEXPERIENCED LIBERAL NOMINEE IN WORLD HISTORY.”
9:34 PM — Soon as Thompson walks offstage, he goes back to his natural, Woody Allen voice. “How’d I do? I feel like I overprojected. I hate my mother. I’m such a fraud. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.”
“Dysentary” is such a funny word when it’s Ol’ Hornswoggle Houndog saying it…this whole POW passion narrative is just comedy fucking gold in that man’s mouth!
Five and a half years, Fred!
He refused to leave head from men?
Those captors sure are right–things are still very bad for McSame.
Goddamn I want to bed and defile Ken’s liveblogs. They’re that hot, like a sexy woman with boobs, only a liveblog instead.
Yup, I’m drunk.
You know, John McCain has an interesting life story, and I honor his service to our country, but dear God no one can make it as boring as Fred Thompson does.
jiminy fucking christmas, had to put on my sunglasses to watch the RNC. i was blinded by the white.
john mclame the hero: murdering women and children…oops i mean liberating south vietnam
So wait… John McCain was tortured, and that was bad, but we want to torture prisoners, and that’s good?
Oh, good, we get to relive every moment of the torture. I was thinking maybe he’s be left with a shred of dignity.
5 and a half WHAT? Years? Oh, see, I had thought that this went on for maybe 10 minutes or something.
This is the longest and most edited story in the world…
That doesn’t seem very nice for that football player–what did that guy ever do to McCain?
Also, how many times are we going to hear about intangible qualities like spirit, honor, hope, etc. compared to John McCain’s bones?
Did Fred Thompson just say that John McCain dated a stripper?
For God’s sake, he’s a BAD actor, too, isn’t he?
…this POW torture porn story is building toward some kind of incredible climax….
“THE ARISTOCRATS!” - yes Houndog you naild it!
You know, can’t ODM (Old Dipshit Mcgee) just, I don’t know, pretend he’s “acting” on L&O or something and at least pretend to be interesting? This is the most halted, boring speech ever.
John McCain’s bones may have been broken, but his spirit never was… unless you listen to Viet Nam Veterans against John McCain who say he traded information for preferential treatment…
He was beaten by an uppity negro.
Ha! Fred Thompson stumbled. Must have choked on his own horseshit.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: Yup, I’m drunk.
That’s aright, so’s Fred.
Fred just said being a POW doesn’t qualify you to be president! I wonder if the right will cry like when Wes Clark said the same thing.
“Can we trust this man with the Presidency?” asks Lazy Fred. Can we trust him with picking a VP?
He prefers truth… the truth that can only be found wearing a flak vest and 1000 troops accompanying him…
Big Ass Belle: CNN panned across a crowd shot earlier with a real live black guy in it! A black guy wearing a cowboy hat!
FEMA ought to rush a truckload of mellatonin to that convention hall.
Wait, it is the Packers again? Just two months ago Mr. Straight talk was telling people in Pennsylvania that it was the Steelers.
Also, apparently there was no camera there to take the picture of John McCain with the troops that we just saw up on the screen.
This speech is making me leak amniotic fluid.
“at a point in time when the war in Iraq was going badly”
You mean there’s been a point at which it’s been going WELL? When?
Fred, remind us of the torture W endured during that war!! Can’t wait!
Why is it that McCain can call Obama a celebrity, then have an actual celebrity talk about how “real” his VP pick is?
Hacksaw Jim Duggan chant!!!
U-S-A! U-S-A!!!
Somebody get that man a two-by-four!
We keep winning this war, or so I hear. This war must rock.
He’s never sought an earmark, but Failin–I mean, Palin–sure has!
VivaLaCynthia: Sure it wasn’t a reporter?
can anyone believe that this man (fred) actually was thought to be a credible candidate for president??? he makes george w look lively!
It’s nice that Thompson remembers those days when they balanced the budget. I mean, that must have been quite a time to live in!
The Republicans balanced the budget during the 90’s? Why didn’t they do that when they had the Congress in 2001-2004?
VivaLaCynthia: Somebody call the police!
I liked how he alternately talked values while talking up McCain’s old stripper girlfriend “Marie the Flame of Florida.”
Fred Thompson and McCain balanced the budget in the Senate! Wow! Let’s send them back there!
Thank you Senator Cracker.
5 1/2 years?! Really? i’d never heard that…
We never hear about the McCain-Kennedy immigration bill? Que interesante?
“A man who never quits is never defeated”?? What?
I’ve been having problems sleeping recently, Thompson’s speech might be the cure for that. But his tantastic might give me nightmares. Fucking Catch 22.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: you never talk like this on phog.net. but then, neither does newell.
John McCain helped Keating and the S&L debacle happen so that there’s be reform… he’s always been reform oriented. It’s a multi-billion dollar lesson we all had to learn.
“The Russians, son, don’t take a dump without a plan.”
Respect around the world? Uh oh, he’s playing the “If they love Obama in Germany how can we trust him?” card.
“battle after battle as he attempted to reform the pork barrel big spending ways of Congress.”
Um — and how did that work out?
Now this is unfair. Fred says that you will never have to ask whether John McCain is ready to lead. Why would he attack Governor Palin like that?
Because John McCain cannot read a teleprompter.
I’m going to generalize here: Anyone in a bowtie is a douche (except Paul Simon)
That uppity negro went to Germany… Germany!… to pander for votes.
Never more important in judgement because the Repubs have torn down…
I’m having a caniption…
floraway: I can’t think of the exact word, but I think it rhymes with “hypocrisy”. Oh, wait. I guess it IS “hypocrisy”.
Most liberal and inexperienced nominee, eh? Well, Fred, at least he isn’t the dumbest.
OMG, he’s talking about how terrible debt and the expanding government is. Does he realize that it was Dubya who did all that?
The 3-Legged Man: What was that, the Coolidge administration? Good times, good times. Fred ‘n his grandpappy’d smuggle a gallon of corn liquor down to the old swimmin’ hole and - well, you know the rest of the story…
“THE ARISTOCRATS!”
This is the John McCain Freddie T. should talk about:
McCain Refused to Support Sen. Jim Webb”s and Chuck Hagel”s new GI Bill.
In February 2006, McCain voted against an amendment that would have provided for at least $19 billion for military health facilities, paid for by eliminating tax cuts for the wealthiest earners.
McCain voted against a 2006 Democratic amendment that would have provided $2.8 billion to increase veterans” medical care..
McCain Voted Against Establishing $1 Billion Trust Fund to Provide Improvements to Military and Veterans” Health Facilities
McCain Chooses Corporations Over Veterans, Voting Against Adding $1.5 billion to Veterans” Medical Services in 2007 Budget by Closing Corporate Tax Loopholes
McCain Voted Against Mandatory Funding of $6.9 Billion in 2007 Budget and $104 Billion Over Five Years for Veterans’ Health Care.
McCain voted against the Webb amendment calling for adequate troop rest between deployments.
McCain one of only 13 Senators to vote against $430 million for Medical Services for the Department of Veteran Affairs for outpatient care and treatment for veterans.
McCain voted against an amendment offered by Senator Dodd that called for an additional $322 million for safety equipment for troops in Iraq.
McCain voted against increasing the amount available for medical care for veterans by $650 million.
Those Democrats have run this country into the ground for two years. Can allow more?
the most inexperienced to run for president since somebody like Abraham Lincoln… or Douchy Dubya..
Is he ignoring how the past 8 years have led us to these “challenges”? Come on, Fred, tell us how W has taken on that Dem majority for almost 2 years!
Wait, Fred just said that “A man that never quits is never defeated.”
Is he relaunching his campaign?
ok — he said “democrat-controlled congress” rather than democratIC-controlled congress…karl rove clearly wrote this speech…what a fucktard! i’m never watching law and order again — not that i ever have but you know…
Why didn’t Fred Thompson wear his submarine commander uniform?
Fred Thompson keeps coughing right before his “punch” lines and shrugging his shoulders like he’s introducing The Beatles.
Fuck this. I’m buying beer.
No need to apologize for incredible hubris…
Damn — Fred Thompson’s been waiting to give this speech since 1980.
A liberal Supreme Court? Be still, my beating heart…
Jeezus, this guy is a gibbering idiot. Blurga blurga liberals geetle geet unpopular inexperienced.
DID HE JUST CRITICIZE DEMOCRATS FOR MAKING WASHINGTON RICHER? For. Fuck’s. Sake.
Ask Palin what she said about the Supreme Court after the Exxon Valdez decision. Who appointed that majority, Fred? Any idea? They sure didn’t sound like liberals that Sarah was hating on.
No, the Dems are going to tax this crowd’s families.
“Just the other side of the bucket!”
Did he pay someone to write this gold?
And the 2,000 people below the empty mezzanine go wild.
Countrified… metaphors… can’t… stand it…
Fred needs to fire the makeup artist who put that orange pancake makeup on him.
Goodness, Fred, NOTHING is above your paygrade, am I right? You must be getting top-billing these days.
I’m so glad the Republican’ts have it all figured out, so clean, so simple, so clear. it’s amazing. i forgot I’m an idiot.
The slams are hideous. I’m urping.
Just saw an “Environmentalists (heart) McCain” sign… Painted with soy-based ink, no doubt.
Fred Thompson: OBAMAS STEALIN’ MAH BUKKIT. OH NOES.
I’d forgotten about that meme.
What time do the snake-handling zealots from W.Virginia come on? Do I have time to make a beer run?
They show the one black person in the crowd… and it’s apparently the animated corpse of Nipsey Russell. Well played, GOP.
just tuning in. is it me or is this guy the worst fucking “actor” on the planet? the fact that he clears his throat after every sentence shows that he has NEVER done broadway!
Wow, it’s like a Nurenburg rally — in late April, 1945.
Worst Actor Ever
Oh, no, the Goonies yelling guy is back… *Sigh*
Terry: He looks like a pumpkin.
Thank god there’s not more people in that crowd. They’re terrifying! And they look hungry….
….if he clears his throat one more time….i think Im gonna scream….
did fred just ask job to bless america? please no!!!
The logic of this speech requires us to totally ignore 2000-2006.
You know, my Grandfather used to act like this.
We put him in a home.
Which is easier: being a Dem speech writer with 7 1/2 years of Bush to work with, or a Rep speech writer whose willing audience thinks Reagan just left office yesterday?
Country Fist!
Fred Thompson, serving up the platitudes in steaming piles.
Thanks Fred. Very informative. I didn’t realize that the Dems were for killing “already born babies”, that’s a new one. If the Dems are killing toddlers then I may start looking at McCain / Palin. Nah.
I really wish that it didn’t take like 10 minutes for my comments to show up. I don’t normally care, but sometimes I like to follow the liveblog. I never thought I’d pine for the days of Movable Type.
John bless America? Did I hear that right?
What I love about Repub rhetoric is the implied retribution underneath all claims. if you disagree you’re an idiot.
“Jod Bless John McCain, and Jod Bless Emerica!”
Win!
People, if you got a skunk in yer dry goods store, you don’t send in a polecat to catch it! I don’t know what it means, either!
You
Essay!
You
Essay!
And now, a musical interlude courtesy of America’s favorite rock and roll poop fetishist bathroom peeper.
Dude,
Chris Matthews just rolled out of bed.
Thank Baby Jesus some Americans still love America.
I’m sure everyone everywhere has commented about this before, but I’ll say it again:
Is there NO ONE on the MSNBC staff standing near Chris Matthews with a friggin’ comb? I got it, you’re outside, but dudes, that’s what hairspray and pomade is for!
You guys have to watch PBS. David Brooks just bitched about Fred Thompson’s sentence fragments. Fucking libtard National Review columnist.
SP addresses the AIP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwvPNXYrIyI
Andrew Sullivan is working overtime
Johnny B Goode. I wonder how Chuck Berry’s estate feels about that.
Tell me, those of you with TVs: is everyone grooving delicately while leaning on their walkers?
Oh listen, it’s Chuck Berry — I’ll bet he was in favor of ML King day in 1983.
are they really playing a song by a black guy? oh, the same name thing. how clever.
I love how every Republican speaker now likes to talk about how fucked up and corrupt Washington is and how Maverick McCain is going to valiantly fix all that. Um…you people ARE Washington!! Not sure if you remember but YOU’VE had the Whitehouse for the last eight years!! It’s like if they keep telling themselves that Dems were the ones who screwed everything up they’ll believe it.
Yes, we have always been at war with Oceania.
Oh my jesus mary ronnie, watching these folks “dance” to “rock and roll” is fucking gold.
Why are dead babies part of someone’s pay grade?
oh dear — the next president of israel is about to speak
My God, John McCain’s treatment as a POW must have been easier to beqar than listening to that dumbass for another 5 minutes.
Straw Man Straw Man…FETUS!
I can’t bear to watch this crap. What’s the attention level of the Faithful?
*hack* The last 8 years *phlegm* would have been *cough* great if the *deleted obscenity* ***ing Dems *hack* *countrified saying* *incomprehensible remark* *downhome bullshit*…..god bless *hack* *cough* bring on the former Dem who found god and gave up the Dems…*phlegm* *falls to floor and shatters into tarry pile of goo*…
Awww shit–it’s douche time!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: And you win for making me choke on some beef jerky.
OH! Joe!
Ok, no snark here. Fuck you Joe Lieberman. Fuck you.
Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Joe!
This is the first bit of the RNC Convention I’ve watched, and it truly is a view inside Satan’s belly. When I watched the DNC Convention, I thought, who would be stupid, evil, greedy, idotic enough to vote for WALNUTS!? Now I know.
Strangely enough, 5 1/2 years is how long it took Sen. Thompson (R-Hollywood) to deliver his speech.
Guh, Droopy McDoucheface is such a douche.
Men in cowboys hats cheering a Connecticut Jew? The convention just jumped the shark.
now it’s old Joe’s turn. Ack, what a knob this guy is.
Maybe we’ll be lucky and see Fred Thompson actually molt his skin. It’s rare, but I read that Dick Wolf actually saw him do it on set.
that was BLOB bless america. and sadly now the next republican vp nom. judas.
Angry angry woman glaring hate at Joe Lieberman…
Terry: Boy, he’s doing about as much favors for WALNUTS! as he did for the Goreacle.
I think they’re all leaving…
Congratulations Fred, you are king of all retards.
SayItWithWookies: Warning to convention attendees over 65: If you twist the night away too vigorously, the adhesive fastener on your overfilled Depends will detach and you fill your flat front Sans-a-Belt slacks with your own hot conservative waste.
Don’t even dare call yourself a Democrat, Senator McDoucheface!
Only circumcised guy In The House! Rattle your anteaters, delegates!
“A Democrat at a Republican convention? What iiissss the deal?”
No Seinfeld are you, Joeybear.
Country does matter more than party, Joe, but you’re just so bitter that no one invited you to the best ones.
Also, boy, does that man whine.
Even Hadassah doesn’t buy this basset hound’s prattle.
Hey gang! Joe just made a funny. Country matters more than party. Loser. He loves John McCain. God, I wish he was on the ticket. This is painful.
Lieberman says party politics is killing the spirit of the American democracy? I presume he means the Republicans using more filibusters than any other party at any other time?
Wow, Newt’s in the crowd too. This is a fat-fuck-fest if ever there was one.
Go for it Joe! Tell us how you just signed up with the Baptists because you found out the Jews were divisive!
The retard yelling ‘YES YES YES’ near the msnbc camera is driving me insane.
ok — i officially detest jew lieberman!!! oops — that happened 8 years ago!
Gaaaaaaaaa. I hate Joe Lieberman more than words can express.
Also, there are an enormous amount of scary white people in that crowd. Please don’t go back in there wonkette. I fear for your safety.
Whiskeybaby: You know, I’ve been thinking A LOT about Orwell lately. Well, “Lately” means the last 8 fucking horrible years.
Anyway, HATE IS LOVE, WAR IS PEACE, TRUTH IS LIES. These are the true Republican platforms and of course they reveal their by-now well-known Greatest Hits. Who exactly hates America? If I believed in Hell they’d be there now.
I’d like to do a quick survey of the folks in the audience who are 65 and older and find out how they felt about Chuck Berry back in the day.
Jew Liberalman cuts of Hacksaw Jim Duggan chant! What problem does he got with U-S-A!!!?
God, he sounds like he’s about to nod off any moment. Hope he doesn’t hit his head on the glass steps as he passes out. Maybe Cindy McCain can pass him some uppers.
“YES. YES. YES.” Get that asshole away from the mike.
What’s the deal…these people can’t even get the U-S-A cheer going. It’s like they’re too tired to shout that last A.
“Only one of them has been tortured and now thinks it’s okay.”
On MSNBC Chris Farley has been ressurected and is screaming “yeah” every few minutes somewhere off camera but near the mike. I can’t wait to see him do Fat Man in a Little Suit again!!!
HA HA. I just learned that John McCain’s middle name is Sidney. I always thought it was “my friends.”
Meanwhile, in the National Enquirer:
“PALIN WAR: TEEN PREGO CRISIS”
who is the asshole yelling guy? did he have one too many with asshole tom delay? by the way, he’s back in pog form!
This guy’s downing everyone out. I guess they’ll have to cancel the mosh pit.
the yes yes yes guy is showing up on pbs as well
hockeymom: They can’t get fully excited about anything except “Matlock” marathons.
Fred’s scathing assault on Barack Obama was blunted somewhat by the merciless attack on the Republican party that preceeded it.
i bet he’s in a unique position.
The must have vetted this guy as well as Palin. Didn’t they know he was the worst speaker since that mime they used one year?
“Trust Me”…I would trust you Joe if you were the last man on earth.
It’s a known fact: the average age of a Republican delegate is deceased.
This convention is like all the other countries of the world got together and did a mashup of all the things that non-Americans find disturbing about America: jingoism, parochialism, xenophobia, arrogance, hubris, chanting meaningless slogans, flag wrapping…USA! USA!
Dear god, make it stop.
Again, with the straight talk. Lieberman, here’s some straight talk. Shut the fuck up.
angrymommy: I desperately want to blame this on the Paultards, but they’ve got a firm alibi.
Shouldn’t the be invoking the name of Al Franken more often?
Liberman wants Barry to cut an album? Someone call Quincy Jones!
This can’t be good for the Jews.
This convention is whiter than 6 polar bears gang raping an albino in a snowstorm.
i bet joe needs dentyne. can’t you smell it from here?
Oh, sweet jesus on a unicycle, the “shake up Washington” thing again.
The lobbyists and “bureaucrats” are shitting themselves in fear! Honest! I saw it on Fox! Washington will never be the same after this pair of reformers get elected!
ok. i just saw cindy. does she or does she not look like she was created by dis?
Wait, he’s about to tell us how Obama wanted to save money by not giving the troops bullets and telling them to yell “Bang! You’re dead.”
The 3-Legged Man: Senator McCain is intrigued by this “unicycle”. Is it a new form of transportation?
Who else is comforted by Sarah Palin being tutored in Foreign Policy by former Bush Admin policy wonks?
Remember Alf from the 80’s? Is this the guy who played the dad? Allllffffffff….
Jim’s 23? I’m wasting my life…
“Friends, John McCain is no ordinary candidate… when was the last time you saw a general election campaign conducted with such mind blowing incompetence? Am I right? Anyone?”
And with urging from Joe Liebermann, Democrats across the nation are flocking to the McSame/Failin’ Ticket….so persuasive!
Their backdrop flag isn’t quite GIGANTIC enough. I’m not sure what country I’m in when I watch this.
obfuscator: oh you are right, but i am still stuck on polar bears.
crowdy white-white loves him!! he was on LAW AND ORDER PEOPLE! and not the GAY LOVING christopher meloni one which showed his hot ass.
I’m with PeteJayhawk v2.0 — these liveblogs make me want to cry with joy. Also, “snowbilly” is officially my new most favorite word.
angrymommy: Gaul god Dis??1?
Giddayum, I love you, Wonketteers, you buncha nerds.
Just currently re-reading the Campbell series “Masks of God”, whence this scary jewel:
No it is simply a fact, signally illustrated in the history of the Levant and particularly in Judaism and Islam, that when religion is identified with community… and this community, in turn, is not identified with an actual land-based socio-political organism, but with a transcendental principle embodied in the laws of a church or sect, its effects on the local secular body politic, within which it thrives but with which it does not identify itself, are inevitably and predictably destructive.
cancer:body::Christianity:Democracy
The first sentence from the intro to this liveblogging venture of ODM is officially going down in my book of BEST SENTENCES EVER CONSTRUCTED.
Rev. Juan MessyCan: Oops, before I’m crucified:
*Christianity (or any other non-”land-based socio-political organism”) / Democracy (or any other “local secular body politic”)
Please put down the fitchporks.
greed: McCain was forced to whore by Ho Chi Minh, as General MacArthur watched. Cindy cried. But America is all the stronger for that episode. We shall never be defeated by Mordor. But against the vile Hopey Dem-Orcs? That is another question for another day.
FRED ‘08 = where wuz the Fred that I saw at the fundraiser at Former Attorney General Bill Bell’s house in MclEAN? so he coughed 70 times!! ? b f d! i love this man! because he is an actor! - fat lady hasn’t sung yet - and it is ALL showbiz, donchaknow! BEST SPEECH: John Kerry at DNC 2008. They do so well once they leave the stump, don’t they? highvizpr.blogspot.