Wonkette
Laura Bush is on the convention stage again, why, oh right, she’s introducing her husband, the President George. “Dubya,” as people call him, will speak for eight minutes via satellite feed. So… just so pathetic. Why do people think John McCain is better than George Bush, anyway?
9:54 — Ha ha, he is in the hall of the Senate speaking. They don’t let him in the White House anymore, because he eats all the nachos and also kills brown people.
9:55 — He’s going to speak about John McCain for eight minutes! It would be funny if he kinda just walked offstage after four minutes, like “I dunnot like the Walnut boy.”
9:57 — It’s been a while since we’ve seen the divisive jackass version of Bush the Campaigner, but here he is, insulting the “angry left” that doesn’t care about John McCain’s military service.
9:58 — “John McCain yelled at me, we’ve all been through it.”
9:59 — Oh God what a fucking douche! He just said, “John McCain said he’d rather lose an election than lose a war. That’s the kind of courage we need in a commander-in-chief.” Indeed, that is the very definition of the courage we need and we know that via concrete logic.
10:00 — “Hey Sarah, make them tatties go a-flappin’ around some like.”
10:01 — Usual condescending remark to his wife/the concept of wives.
10:02 — So long, dingus. Now you can look at this: “Daily Show on lockdown.”
this is sooooooo taped!!!
“John McCain will be a great president. So great that I almost feel bad about letting Turd Blossom do all that push polling to insinuate that McCain had had an interracial child out of wedlock.”
“Oh, and five years… somethin’.”
OK - I’m going to my bedroom to watch porno of David Gergen.
The angry left? I like to think of us as the cynical alcoholic left.
“His arms had been broken, but not his spirit.”
UGH.
The angry left? How about the thtoopid right?
Did George W Bush just try to trump the fact that John McCain frequently disagrees with George W Bush?
Human life must be defended… at least until after a woman gives birth. Then it is fair game.
Oh, and I am an angry liberal.
whatever_dc: Oh, excellent point. Probs.
George W. Bush makes the English language cry.
Behind every great man there’s a woman.
whatever_dc: JEEZ, you’re right. It totally is. He’s not pausing long enough for the applause. I mean, even someone on satellite feed would pause longer upon hearing applause that lasts longer.
“Hey, cheetos….”
So, that’s it about Failin–I mean, Palin?
What is with that one guy that yells louder than everyone else? I think that it is Chris Matthews. He is now a Republican.
he keeps interrupting the applause! is this not taped???
robo-cindy seems pleased! now where are those meds i stole from my kids charity???
Painting of a west Texas mountain, lit by the morning sun. With drill rigs on it.
McCain is great and principled blah blah blah 9/11 blah blah 9/11 9/11 9/11 blah blah angry left blah blah 9/11 blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I’m so glad this bullshit doesn’t sell that well anymore.
9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 Sarah Palin, West Texas, The End.
He’s actually gotten worse as a speaker.
I really wish you people would type faster. It’s 10:01 and the last update is 9:57. I’m too fucking lazy to turn on the radio.
and that painting is by Bob Ross
Sarah gets one line….then Mooooveeee on…
“Laura has been a fantastic first lady, but Cindy is a cunt.”
Traded up?!!!
“laura bush has been terrific milktoast!”
That was a ringing endorsement of Palin.
dball213: Have you ever heard him attempt to speak Spanish? He makes every language cry. Shit, he makes Spanglish shudder and throw up a little in its mouth.
The Brady Bunch had a better canned SFX track than these GOPer zombies. It’s like the PBS foley artist is phoning it in from back in D.C.
Laura just stepped all over that applause.
Jim, see if you can figure out who keeps yelling “yeeeaaaaahhhhhhh” like Sloth from The Goonies
KTHXBAI: wait until tomorrow when rudi speaks!
MSNBC’s camera is next to some seriously weird sounding yelling guy–his cheers are like the death throes of a German drill sergeant.
termite: Don’t worry, you’ve heard this all before.
I’d like to look at the McCain medicine cabinet. Must be stocked to the gills.
P.S. McCain traded up, too - from the mother of his kids to the beer heiress
HA HA HA she called it “South Ossethia.”
Cindy McCain must be doing speed now.
um, the dude who just held up a “students for mccain poster” was all of 14…too young to vote dipshits!
Oh wait…is this a live blog?
I’ll be in the kitchen fixing a screwdriver.
I get the feeling that Cindy really really doesn’t like George and Laura. Figures, of course, after what they did to her family 8 years ago.
Cindy has fresh botox.
reagan comes back from the dead to claim his rightful zombie bride cindy
Laura’s really looking forward to being drunk 24/7. I would be too, in her shoes.
I think, Thank God, that that was his last speech of any significance.
Thank you, God, oh, thank you, very much.
Ok, I can’t handle any more Republican yelling today–if I wanted to hear that, I’d call my family in Texas more often!! (Sorry, bad joke)
tacodaemon: No Shit… I think that MUST be Bristol’s mulleted future hubby.
Oh, dear God, it’s Saint Reagan hour now. I don’t know if I can take the amount of worship about to explode all over our screens.
Ronald Reagan never forgot who he was. Till about 1987.
OH GAWD THEY ARE GOING TO COMPARE PALIN TO REAGAN?!?
Oh look, it’s Ronald Reagan. Spy for the FBI on his union.
Damn, I’m getting so hammered from “Maverick” shots.
Ronald Reagan did forget who he was, actually.
Oh Hey! They’re doing the fat, little dutchman, B-movie star who became President. WTF?!? Did Matt Groening write the intro? Yay Matt!
VivaLaCynthia: Yeah, I can hear him on the CNN Live streaming too. He sounds a bit “special”. Or perhaps he’s already been on Craigslist, if you know what I mean…
Cape Clod: No — the one before that must’ve been his last one of any significance.
Douchebag or not, I seriously think he has some neurological disorder. He used to speak much clearer. Check out the old debates when he ran for Governor.
whatever_dc: I can’t wait to see 9iu11iani speak tomorrow. It will basically be him sodomizing a scale model of Tower One while Cindy sits in the audience eating Norco like it’s a lifeboat on the Titanic and Walnuts! farts without even realizing it. The end.
how bizarre — cbs and abc are showing bush now…REALLY not live!
I was watching this on NBC and the applause wasn’t coming through so Bush was pausing for silence breaks.
Cape Clod: I’m sure Curious George will attempt once more to speak in public.
ooh! Reagan tributes! Didn’t see THAT coming!
Nope, it took us many many more years to break his spirit. But we did it with our dirty nasty 2000 campaign against his adopted daughter, and he’s never looked back.
Hey, where’s Reagan’s 1948 TV commercial where he damns the Republican Congress for favoring the few & elite over working people.
“Saved America, Saved Our World.” They actually f***ing said it.
DIPSHIT MCGOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Oh. YES!! NBC’s broadcast coverage just replayed Bush’s speech…without the sights or sounds of the audience. So what America saw was him standing there saying nothing and looking doofy for 30 some odd seconds every time he hit a talking point (when the crowds cheered). It was a beautiful “mistake” which B-Hot Williams quickly covered for.
Christ… it is a sea of old folk.
dball213: I guess that’s what happens when you finally get off the coke…
Oh look, CNN’s streaming Law and Order now. I wonder who did it?
Wow — Fred Thompson looks like he’s been out of bed for hours.
Hey, Fred Thompson dragged his fat lazy ass off his couch… more than he did for his campaign
Thompson is jazzed. He’s normally comatose.
this is seriously lame. i thought i would tune in for the adreneline rush but now i have the droopiness.
whoaaahhhh! waaiiiiitt!! NPR just called fred thompson the ’slot of the night’.
AAAAAH! FRED THOMPSON!!!! (flashes tits)
HA HA. ABC is playing Bush’s complete speech in primetime. Take that, Republican strategists.
…and drinking for that whole time.
stop clearing your throat, dipshit.
So. Sick. Of. The. Last. Eight. Years. Please. Let. It. Be. Over. Soon.
Each time Bush delivers a line in a half decent manner, he pauses and grins like he’s so frickin pleased with himself that he can string a whole sentence together.
Oh good, the old, useless loser is speaking
“We know that we have tchallinjes.” And one of those is pronouncing the word challenges.
tacodaemon: thank you! The guy screaming in the background on CNN sounds like an overturned short bus.
Did Rush Limbo write Thompson’s speech?
whitest. crowd. ever.
plus i’d nix the pearls on cindy. “break- levees at tiffany” ain’t a good look.
why is Laura only talking about Cindy? is she the new Palin?
Yeah, it’s the small town values that aren’t good enough… it has nothing to do with the lying or governing basically a high school sized town
Sorry I guess that could mean anyone tonight. I meant Fred Thompson.
Good lord, did Fred just have a stroke?
Angry white people are utterly frightening..
Yea, screw those Beltway assholes! Fucking McCain and Bush.
Fred, it’s not a state of panic… it’s fits of hysterical laughter.
Wait — Fred Thompson’s criticizing someone who just talks?!
Wow, it’s like Fred had an extra-long nap today. Too bad he’s still an old gasbag.
Damn libruls LEAVE SARAH PALIN ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!
Reformer! Maverick! Small Town Values! Not Washington Elite! Cocktail! She can field dress a moose!!!
Thompson is in full on corn-pone mode right now. How refreshingly folksy!
SayItWithWookies: what about the word “nuclear” *sigh*
Uh, Fred, I don’t know how to break this to you, but Dems are actually pretty happy about the Palin thing. No one is really that upset about it. I think the term you are looking for is “reveling”.
She’s banned books and pedaled influence and she fucked a moose?
“The Establishment”, Freddy keeps talking about? He means “the Republican Party of the last 8 years”, right?
“She is a courageous successful reformer who is not afraid to take on the establishment.” Especially when the establishment won’t fire her brother-in-law.
Dipshit McGoo is riled up, hrrmph.
hey fellow wonketteers, does anyone have the 411 on Mccain spokesperson Tucker Bounds? he is F’IN HOT!!! I love the way he talks and you cant even see his teeth. it’s like all lips or something. anyway he is mega cute and i want him bad! or a reasonable approximation. should i post on craigslist or something?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYYiw_y2qDI
WHAT does he have in his throat? that moose??
ladymacbeth: ’slot of the night’ ahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa friggin’ hilarious.
thompson is channelling rush scumbaugh! it’s the same load of diarreah that i heard on the program today!
All day
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the golden one
Waiting for your fame
After the parade has gone
Outside was a happy place
Every face had a smile like the golden face
For a second
Your knuckles white as your fingers curl
The shot that was heard around the world
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
-The Human League
Ha! Laura Bush just accused “the other side” of sexism and elitism in regard to Sharia Plan.
But Megan refuses to serve. Why does Megan hate our American Troops?
Is that McCain’s black baby behind Cindy?
oh. my. god. did that just happen??!?!
iwillsavethispatient: No, you’re ridiculous, Republicans have not been anywhere near Washington DC for, like, decades now. Finally a Republican reformer must be put there so that he can clean up all that Democrat mess going on. Right?
MMS: I don’t have cable, so I’m going to assume the short-bus guy screaming in the background is Lou Dobbs.
anniegetyourfun: mcpain is trying to run against the media because he can’t get traction with Hopesman.
Fred Thompson has turned into Foghorn Leghorn.
Fred Thompson says the McCains have dozens of sons and they’re all in Iraq, Afghanistan, and everywhere eating freedom fries. And Roberta McCain is tougher than her son.
“Cindy’s here with all the children. All the children are here, I believe.”
Yeah, they’re the ones introducing themselves to each other.
Yeah, too bad the vietcong didn’t capture Roh-berta.
Looks like the Brown McCain needs to partake of Cindy’s diet of pills and vodka.
Uh, McCain “dated” a stripper? I’m just hearing about this now…?
HAHAHA John was a fuck-up… awww, how loveable.
John McCain: Leader of the Troublemakers.
McCoy, just bring back a negro scalp.
What the fuck is Fred Thompson talking about? One minute he’s talking about rebellion, then John McCain’s stripper girlfriend, and then the crash scene out of “The Aviator.” What’s going on?
“If Miss Roberta had been captured by the North Vietnamese, they would’ve surrendered.”
I don’t know what to do first — try to erase that image from my brain or write a bitter thousand-word rebuttal?
“Marie the Flame of Florida” — what the fuck?
Where’s the liveblog for Ol’ Hornswoggle Houndog Thompson…he just talking about Marie the Flame of Florida tranny stripper that John McCain was getting banged by…now he talk about the boat that Johnny Mac set on fire and killed all those sailors…
EnBuenOra: I’d really like to see Palin dress a moose. Would she put it in a suit and tie, or a dress? Would it sport a fedora or a sun bonnet? I think these things would tell us more about her as a candidate than her nomination has.
I can easily imagine I am watching a presentation in a theatre circa 1875… ah the hollow, pathetic rhetoric…
here comes FIVE AND A HALF YEARS! His 6th mission? So he had 6 missions, total, before he wrecked his first plane? What a great pilot…
thompson is talking about sailors and i’m getting a really strong gay vibe!
What is this? A Roast?
And then he died. Drink
nietzscheprojectile: Turned?
Is John Voight the biggest celebrity they have?
Damn, I’m voting for John McCain for favorite naval aviator.
Oh, that’s not what he’s running for?
This is the one that’s asposed to strip the bark off Obama??? Damn you and your lies, Chrissy Matthews!
So McCain burned down a plane and its crew. Great hero.
Look at the men and women in uniform… John can’t look them in the eye because he’s sold them out, but you should look at them…
Keram: touche
I should have suspected.
nietzscheprojectile: win.
Boy! I say Boy, what is wrong with your noggin?
MMS: “The guy screaming in the background on CNN sounds like an overturned short bus.” Brilliant.
KTHXBAI: after his speech rudi will fly (with his own powered wings) to new orleans to rescue the city from the terrorist named gustav…damn german nazi bastard tried to take out another ‘merican city! god bless ‘merica!!! 9/11 9/11 9/11 5 and half years!
McCain was stabbed in the balls? This explains much.
Fred Thompson’s doing his best acting job ever!
Holy shit, you guys! Why didn’t anyone tell me that John McCain was tortured in Vietman? This is terrible! God, I can’t believe I hadn’t heard this before!
A friend went to the Daily Show in MN tonight; got a text that lockdown was in effect, no further information … the cities will soon be awash in a purple rain.
Is Christopher Walken gonna tell the story about the watch now?
grendel: he was bombing CIVILIAN TARGETS!!! WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!! REAL HERO! *spit*
What about these John McCain’s baseball-sized balls?
boils and rifle butts makes me think this tortured dude is going to BE INSANE and not necessarily pres material 40 years later.
A great American hero who chose Sarah Palin… great judgement.
Is it time for a commercial break for Law and Order?
Wait — McCain was tortured? Oh nevermind. It was just sleep deprivation, starvation, standing in uncomfortable positions and regular beating. Bush says that’s not torture.
Hey, war sounds like it sucks! Let’s not do that!
Whiskeybaby: trig is an early talker!
All he had was hope… hope of returning to his stunningly beautiful model wife who would never get in a car accident because women don’t drive.
w… wisdom
Five-and-a-half years! Passing out now….
CNN’s camera was on Cindy when G-Dub dropped the “adoptive parents” line… she didn’t move a muscle. Viva Vicotinis!
strength, wisdom, honor….. How about critical thought?
THERE IT IS: “CAN WE TRUST THIS MAN…” RACIAL CRAPOLA!
Fred was worried that the whole crowd would be white tonight so he dyed himself orange. Such diversity with these publicans!
Winning? Winning WHAT?
Why do I feel like John McCain killed Fred Thompson and is wearing his skin?
Man, they put up a photo of McCain with Tim Russert — something that Mr. Russert totally would have consented to if he were alive.
The pledge of allegiance is only 116 years old.
This speech would make sense in 2000.
I’m sick. Stop this crap, please!
He said jihad bless america!
Damn, he keeps clearing his throat so much that you gotta figure Larry Craig met up with him in the restroom before the speech.
Everything Fred Thompson said was true. Barry wants to tax grocers.
Twinkletoes: He is going after the all important Oompa Loompah vote.
Yeah Joe…were all Americans…..except for the blacks, mexicans, indians, jews queers and arabs.
That hot guy behind Cindy on the left totes gave me a woody. Thank God for Tivo.
Did I hear Shrub say “Hurricane Goosed-off”? I swear that’s what the idiot said.
Alt-text for that picture: King of Moronvia
Even as his words were being relaying through satellite, they were not nearly as high as was old Preznut Boosh at that Olympic shindig. If the GOP had scheduled volleyball and branch water, no damn German hurricane would have kept him away.
I suspect the whole satellite feed thing is because Bush hasn’t been sober since Beijing.
whatever_dc: And on a certain powdery Peruvian Baking Soda, juxt like his days as a Texas Air National Guard defending our borders from hippies, yippies, the SDS, the Imternational Red Cross, and broadcasts of ‘Chico and the Man’. God just love him.
AnnieGetYourFun: Don’t they mean to cook it, Amelia Bedelia?
I’m ashamed, I yelled at my sweet boyfriend all night when I should have just logged on and spewed my hateful, angry lefty bile here..it woulda been more fun at least!
Wait! That guy is STILL your president?
If his spirit wasn’t broken, why’d he do a propaganda statement for the Vietcong? (”“I am a black criminal and I have performed the deeds of an air pirate.”) Just trying to be helpful?