Wonkette
John McCain has no idea what kinds of hell he’s unleashed: “WASILLA, Alaska (AP) — Bristol Palin’s boyfriend plans to join the family of the Republican vice presidential candidate at the GOP convention. Levi Johnston’s mother said her 18-year-old son left Alaska on Tuesday morning to join the Palin family in St. Paul, Minn.” Levi Johnston must be loving this. He is, after all, the guy who wrote “Ya fuck with me I’ll kick [your] ass” on his MySpace page. He’s just gonna be cold fuckin’ bitches and pounding fuckin’ beers on the stage with John fuckin’ McCain, fuckin’ beatin’ up delegates and shit. [AP]
SITCOM OF A VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
HA, Levi Johnston’s Coming To St. Paul!
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7:05 PM
on Tue September 2 2008
By
Jim Newell
5146 Views
I fell very, very bad for finding that I would, yes, actually, very much, hit it.
So, has truth always been stranger than fiction?
For once, I am speechless…and typeless.
I’ll bet this is one snowbilly who wishes he had kept his pecker in his pants.
God, I know we don’t talk often, but please let some white hippie protester with dreadlocks kick this guy’s ass.
AMEN PEOPLES!
keep the queens away from the larry craig shrine of toe tapping wide stance electric boogaloo. just saying.
By joining the family you mean Sarah threatened to rip his nuts off with a rusty spoon if he didn’t start acting more like a fiance and less like a “fucking redneck”?
We’re one toothless banjo player away from a hoe-down!
Doesn’t he remind you of another true American?
takin’ a life or two, that’s what the fuck he does.
FUCK YEAH!!
I take back EVERYTHING I said on that last thread. This guy is total ass to the power of ten. They don’t make bags big enough for a douche that huge.
are they all swimming down on the melting ice caps? i bet she has an ark stashed for just this type of occasion.
Oooo! Oooo! Maybe they’re gonna have the shotgun weddin’ on the stage at the RNC Convention! Yes! Of course, Bristol won’t be able to wear white, but maybe she can wear one of those snappy “Country First” t-shirts!
Also, Our Wonkette is acting a little crazy. It’s probably choking on Palin traffic.
Tomorrow night the repubs will have a doublewide parked on the stage and these people will keep emerging to remind america that if you want to stay the same you will vote for this shit. Fuckin’ Redneck? Yee ha! Turn up the vodka drip, nurse.
Note to self: next time I have sex with the hot daughter of the Governor, don’t forget to wear a condom.
Good, put him in a trailer court in Rosemount and get him a wifebeater t-shirt to wear to the convention.
I want Maury to be there doing DNA tests live on stage. When he proclaims “Levi, you are NOT the father of the baby!” Miss Palin will run off the stage hysterically weeping & wailing. (Of course he’d have to specify which baby first!)
loquaciousmusic:
He looks kinda like Daddy Palin to me.
herry Johnston also said there has been no pressure put on her son to marry Bristol Palin, the pregnant daughter of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.
“Absolutely not,” Sherry Johnston told reporters outside the family’s Wasilla home. Johnston said the two teens already had plans to marry before they knew she was pregnant.
It is simply UNHEARD OF for a 17 year old guy to tell his girlfriend that, seriously sweetie, he WANTS to marry her, and he’ll love her forever, but she really needs to take her top off.
at this point, i don’t even have to drink. i just look at the bottle and start to giggle. sweet jesus this last five days has made up for the last, oh, i don’t know, eight years maybe. WRONG DAY FOR A WHITE WEDDING!
I drove around some members of the Vancouver Canucks once. Ever since then, I started to refer to hockey as ‘Apes on Skates.’
So is it true that he sired his first bastard offspring in 8th grade? Is he bringing that baby too?
Spence: I’d hit it, too… with a baseball bat. This guy looks and sounds like every dumb fucking jock prick I’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with.
Also possible: Levi says he’s flying to Minneapolis, but is secretly escaping into Canada.
Words alone cannot describe the joy that has washed over me upon hearing that the republican fish poachers have decided to move their convention back from the private gay sex party last night to the Blood red Convention hall so we can watch them praise each other and ignore facts in plain site.
Snowcat Nutz Forever!
Dave J.:
While the radio played Paradise by the Dashboard Light?
Levi just wants to offer some of that spunk that created the next Palin to any Republican delegate with $100 at the St. Paul Value Inn. Book your appt. at hungsnowcone@aol.com.
He will be very popular with the ladies in Minnesota. We like us some hockey players.
Also, if he’s showing up, that means the big photo-op with his arm around his “fiance” on stage, the final night of the convention. Good times, good times.
Wow, the McCain team will finally learn what having a real “celebrity” on the campaign will be like!
Also, are they planning to live with the Grandma in DC? He’s not going to find much snowboarding or dirt-biking nearby, I’m guessing…
Levi is the future of the republican party,just like his future father in law, Rove is absolute gold
He’ll propose to her on the RNC stage. The engagement will last a day, for next day, they’ll wed on the RNC stage after Tom Tancredo’s racist rant about how Dora the Explorer is taking over cartoon television. Charlie Daniels and the singer from Creed will do a wedding ditty. FuckinA!
Fuck yeah, bitches! I for one am thrilled that this bemulleted meathead will be allowed to grace the lower 48 with his bohunky presence. He looks like the type who’ll wear a Canadian Tuxedo and that, my friends, will delight me to no end.
Wow. I just saw on CNN that this is new the official theme song of the RNC.
Now that’s change we can believe in!
hark, i hear the angels roar!
It’s official, we’re a 3rd world country.
Levi will find his vocation as hungvpboi on Craig’s List.
Anonymous Office Zombie: I know. So ashamed. But that’s why it’s sexy. Nothing beats a good hate-fuck.
Hey, wasn’t this the introduction to Idiocracy?
I heard that Levi Johnston and Jennifer Anniston were kanoodeling at some tacky club on South Beach last night. True?
…my money is that as soon as he gets to civilization and realizes that women in the lower 48 dont have goatees and generally have more teeth than fingers he will be ready to kick Bristol’s ass to the curb for some good ‘ol city slick poon-tang!
I think he should be Secretary of Success in the new McCain/Puntang administration
This kid is why I tell my 11 year old niece that boys have nothing of interest to say until they are at least 25 years old and then you can actually have a normal conversation with them. Also, why you shouldn’t get knocked up at 17 and marry the baby daddy. Ugh, Bristol is stuck dealing with this redneck for the next 18 years.
So this woman is running on VALUES while her 17 year old daughter Harvey’s BRISTOL cream is bending dick in this douche Trailer? And I am supposed to model my life after these fuckups?
At the rate of Jerry Springeresque drams, I am actually willing to bet my one and only clit that this kid might be some other dudes..
Seriously, WTF??
I heard he was seen with Paris Hilton
This is going to be a fine line to tread — telling the librul media to keep out of Bristol’s business while at the same time parading her babydaddy around the convention. How’s that gonna play out? Oh hell — it’ll probably just get lost in the rain of hypocrisy.
Its time to give back Alaska
What is it with MySpace and mental midgets? He fits right in with these guys:
http://wonkette.com/275417/myspace-a-place-for-patriotic-exhibitionist-retards
Fuckin A!
I’d totally hit it, too. Rub my fingers through those gel-drandruffed curls forming that crispy northern mullet.
He’s a guaranteed astrophysicist. Score one for Juno.
Really? I can’t even believe this… no comment about how this guy OBVIOUSLY has a serious pair of truck nutz hanging from his snowmobile?
With John McCain trying to score Sarah Palin, he’s shipping in some teenage mullet-head who can almost grow a full beard to distract Cindy for a while. How soon until Cindy gets her own baby bump?
Once the election is over and the sham that Bristol is currently, and not formerly, pregnant is ended when she doesn’t give birth, McCain will be President and Sarah will step down as VP. The only one who’ll make out better than McCain is this guy. He won’t have to marry the girl because the Palin’s won’t admit they lied about Trig, and he’ll be banging local redneck chicks left and right who think he’s some kind of celebrity. Plus, he gets a free front row ticket to the Minneapolis Convetion - talk about screwing your way to the top.
Fat Old Dirty Whore: Dare I ask what a Canadian tuxedo is? I’m afraid to google because it’s sounds very naughty.
Now everything seems to be Myspaced: the RNC, the English language, even the Wonkette layout.
How long before he gets caught high-sticking in the ladies room with Meghan?
He’s just so… Dukes of Hazard on a snowmobile.
I guess that, as far as the AP is concerned, unless there’s a ring on her finger you’re still a “boyfriend” no matter what kind of wedding planning stories your babymomma’s mother’s spokespeople are spinning.
Bizarrely, our boy Levi may have lot in common with bright orange “heterosexual” governor Charlie Crist, in that both will only need to be “engaged” until any potential contact with the vice presidency has been ruled out.
Spence: How about this solution. For the good of the nation you meet up with old Levi at the convention and make that hate fuck dream come true, then leak a tape of it to the national media? You get your wish, we all get the entertainment of seeing this scandal kicked up yet another notch, and Obama leaps ahead another 5 points in the polls. Everybody wins, eh?
I might have to vote republican… these two will be more fun than
the Bush twins.
I’m kind of stunned Wonkette hasn’t posted this photo of the McCain and Palin families together at last! WALNUTS! looks like a goddam cardboard cutout in that photo, it’s awesome.
Vanity Smurf: It’s not nearly as awful as you think…
http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en-us&q=canadian+tuxedo&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Dave J.:
Where’s the adopted Bangladeshi sister?
Dave J.: Hey, where are WALNUTS’s eleventy jillion mulatto children? I’m assuming the dude behind our Sarah is her husband; he looks pained, like he’s thinking “argh, this red thing around my neck, what is it? It’s strangling me!”
There’s nothing sexier than a MySpace gangsta.
Nice “training mullet”.
…while he is down here, can we have him sterilized or neutered? His family tree must look like a telephone pole!
Is anybody gonna ask Levi if this Bristol is the first
girl he’s gotten preggo?
Will they be displaying the Palin Family Shotgun?
loquaciousmusic: You mean its not this?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHN6YXD6E98
Getting ready for a “Checkers” speech….. F…ing Ay, Bro
Man, once this guy sees the bight lights of MSP, and he gets all his GOP buttsecks offers at the convention he’ll be turning to the gayz fur sure.
Who wouldn’t turn down a private jet (free booze and coke, no ID required) to MSP to party: “its so nice to see another part of the country” (while referring to MN…what!?)
Oh my.
In spite of 72 different handlers screaming at Levi to “Shut the fuck up no matter what anyone says or asks! DO NOT SPEAK!!”, this won’t end well.
He can ask one of the friendly Minnesotans at the information kiosks in MSP where to get his meth.
He’s got the hockey hair of a young Emilio Estevez but the penchant for fucking underage poontang of a latter-day Charlie Sheen. Let me guess; he’s Jed Bartlett’s bastard son?
Would all these people please pack up their guns and coathangers and go back to their double-wide? America is a better country than this!
He’s a redneck who likes kicking ass and taking names. He seems useless for the most part. When are they going o make him join the military?
Aw yeah bitchiz! Vanilla Ice in da house! Makin’ ice ice baybeez!
irisheyes: Thanks for clarifying the Canadian tuxedo. I had assumed it was one of those black t-shirts with a tux image laminated on the front. I am so ashamed of my ignorance and I’m half canadian
springfield_meltdown: Now there’s a thought. From my personal experience, women who’ve spent a decade or two in a shotgun marriage are all sorts of sexually frustrated and it’s a lucky, lucky man that she vents it on. And you know Levi isn’t the kind of guy who would give a girl oral.
Bristol, look me up in 2020.
So no chance that they arrest him for statutory rape and drag him from the stage?
irisheyes: I see it’s just a dressed down version of a Texas tuxedo.
Josh Fruhlinger: All of WALNUTS’ bastard kids are in Hanoi.
NoWireHangers: Maybe they can borrow a set of matching duds from the Texas contingent for a sweet civil ceremony?
RuperttheBear: I second that!
Also, where I come from, we call guys like him *”Kenzos.”
*Kensington trash, for the more sophisticated.
Ha ha! I’m makin’ bank! I got on zazzle and was first with the “I was cold-cocked by Levi” T-shirts.
Suh-weeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Remember when we’d never heard of Palin? Sweet bambino Jesus, could we go back there? I am maxed out on all those nut cases, nut sacks, nut jobs, etc. Take all those kids, mullets, shotguns, Canadian tuxes, and get them out of my face forever.
This is worse than being addicted to As the World Turns.
loquaciousmusic: actually he reminds me increasingly of this “great american”:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/Hannity.jpg
Spence: Are you wearing your official hit it gear??
http://www.bustedtees.com/idhitthatposter
C’mon Wonkette, call it like it is.
This dude’s a DILF!
This is the big squeeze. They are trying to woo this guy into agreeing to marry their daughter. They will show him how cozy and comfy his life would be as the spouse of a child of the Vee-PILF. If the schmoozing with the big-time Repubs, Phailin will break out the AK national Guard (I bet that you all didn’t know that she is the C-in-C!) and after some water-boarding, he will smile and hold his betrothed in public like a good little Abu Ghraib prisoner….
Someone will be getting the business end of Levi’s crankshaft during this Convention, and it won’t be he scorned pregnant fuck buddy.
Not_So_Much: I hope he DOES speak. I hope it sounds something like the original post, and I hope he ends up “cold fuckin’ bitches and pounding fuckin’ beers on the stage with John fuckin’ McCain, fuckin’ beatin’ up delegates and shit.” On top of that, I can’t wait for the VIDEO of him doing it.
I am just glad the Clampitt fambly made it safely to St. Paul- it mustta be rough, rounding up all them youngins. It has been heart-warming to watch the stone cold heart of republican America warm up to Gov. Palin and her fertile family!
Sherry Johnston a recent arrestee by the Alaska Highway Patrol, who busted her for trying to get some extra cash by dealing in narcotics. Normal drug felons tend to not get a lot of press, but she is the definite exception to the rule. It isn’t so much what she did, as who she is, and she is the mother of Bristol Palin’s fiancé. Bristol made headlines for her pregnancy at only 17, out of wedlock, and the fact that her mother is both governor of Alaska, and was the Vice Presidential candidate for the Republican Party in the presidential race of 2008. Sarah Palin, Bristol’s mom, got a lot of media attention herself, and this just adds to the circus. You can read more in the article posted on the payday loan