The Washington Post‘s Richard Cohen, everyone’s favorite old coot of a “moderate liberal,” has written a sort of hilarious rant against Sarah Palin today. He calls her a “sitcom of a vice presidential choice,” which is probably the most apt description yet. Then he gets sassy, MMHMM: “Still, you have to admit that in all that time, especially since Palin became governor about two years ago, no Russian invasion force has come across the strait, maybe because she was in charge of the Guard, maybe because she herself is a hunter and an athlete.” Cohen also writes about Julius Caesar because fuck all. [Washington Post]
COOT COUTURE
September 2, 2008
Richard Cohen Goes Insane Over Sarah Palin
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Palin has a star role in the 2008 real life version of Red Dawn.
I never thought I would like a Dick Cohen oped and almost even laugh. But it just happened. The world really is coming to an end.
…didn’t she defeat Ivan Drago in Rocky IV?!
I know I’m Bizzaro World today. Fucking Dick Cohen makes fucking sense.
Never trust a bespectacled hairy gnome.
Sarah Palin: faithful veteran in the war against ice caps.
Sarah Palin: longtime experienced commentator on local hockey
Sarah Palin: totally unsuited to be a fucking veep.
Sarah Palin: the gift that keeps on giving.
Not Julius Caesar. Better.
“Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, better known by his nickname Caligula…”
Better.
I believe in television when there’s a pregnancy critics and fans say the show’s ‘jumped shark.’ Does that mean we can cancel the RNC? Mac’s candidacy? The whole shebang?!
You know how usually MoDo or someone tries to be all sassy, and the idiot fucking culture guarders say things like “tongue firmly planted in cheek,” like that phrase itself isn’t super-fucking-square, and The Sassy never, ever, ever works? This one actually worked. And from an old dude.
[re=79200]columnv[/re]:
Are you saying I’m wasting my time watching “The Situation Room”?
You missed Richard Cohen’s point. There were 2 famous Romans named Julius Caesar. The great warrior and his descendant the great clown whom we call Caligula instead of his real name.
By selecting Palin, McC has shown himself to be like—-not the great warrior, but the clown who also made insanely lightheaded appointments.
This VP choice was so dreadful, even McCainiac pundits can’t defend it. Since those are his base (along with the objective ‘journalists’), Walnut’s brain is probably starting to bleed about now.
Oh, it was also pretty funny that he basically compared Mother Sarah to a horse. (And that makes Walnuts a horse’s ass.)
I think what this pick has really done is scare the media villagers shitless. It’s all fun and games until some lunatic zealot actually gets their hands on the button. The probability of McNasty stroking out and leaving Miss Kitty and her tribe of snowbillies in charge is just too high for them to risk it.
…so when will General Palin be deployed into the Georgian theater? She could use her super vagina-tron(TM) to transport troops in and out of battle safely!
It’s not nice to draw ridiculous eye glasses on Santa Claus. SHAME ON WONKETTE.
[re=79208]nycguy[/re]: You teach high school history, doncha? Doncha?
[re=79215]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I believe you are thinking of the Arbiter unit from Starcraft…
And again, no mention of the threat from the Canadian hordes to the east. This brave woman, using only 4,000 weekend warriors (and a few minor-league hockey teams for moral support) has fended off two imperialist tundra-grabbing nations on two separate fronts. Medal of Freedom, anyone?
And another thing: nobody is “commander in chief” of the Alaska, or any other state’s, National Guard, except Chimpy. The only commander-in-chief in the US military is Chimpy, because that’s the way Rumsfeld wanted it. There used to be a CINC Strategic Air Command and a CINCPAC and a CINCEUR, but no more. The governor of each state is nominally in charge of the Guard, but only in peacetime; when they’re mobilized to go to Iraq or whatever, they’re “federalized.” The feds pay 75-95% of the cost of state Guards in peacetime, and all the cost in wartime.
Cohen is such a dipshit. How did he manage to go from Caribou Barbie to the Holocaust? Must it always be about him?
Sarah Palin is Gareth to Walnuts’ David Brent. She wants to become Assistant (to the) Regional Manager and she has Territorial Army experience! Too obscure? As the Brits say, “it’s a Cunning Stunt”!
I would love to be a fly on the wall when McCain ruptures a vessel over all of this.
I am just waiting for Palin and her redneck brood to be staring in the musical of Jerry Springer and Maury this winter!
What she asked of me at the end of the day, Caligula would have blushed…
…in Caligula’s defense, he wasn’t senile.
I would enjoy this more if I had some assurance that the silly twit had no chance of success.
[re=79225]Slutty_Chola_Cobbler[/re]: That musical is called “No, No, Nanoonkie”
Yglesias has some observations about the possibility of Putin acting to regain the lost territory of Alaska. Chilling. We may need her to remain on the job directing the defense.
[re=79221]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Listen, boy, don’t you fret too much about them Canucks. We in the Republican Party have plans, heh, heh… We’ll see if you’re still worried in about 8 years.
I just love how he comes to the conclusion that McCain is just fucking with us all now. He’s not running for president, it’s just performance art. He wanted Joe and when the fundies said “NO! THOU SHALL NOT HAVE THE PRO-CHOICE JEW.” this is his revenge. I can just see McCain thinking “At least she’s hot…” He’s gonna make the most of the rest of his presidential run, so Cindy better keep an eye on the Oxy– it’s party time!
[re=79224]Cape Clod[/re]: I’ve been hoping that during the debates Barry will lob a zinger that gets McNasty so angry that he just strokes out right there on stage in front of all the cameras.
Bill Maher named that sitcom The Maverick and the MILF. I want a Season Pass.
I’ll have a soft-shell Commander Supreme.
Even though the Richard Cohen of the last 15 years seems to be an Evil Twin of the previous Richard Cohen from the ’70s and ’80s, who was sane, this particular column makes sense. The choice of Palin by McCain is just simply, plainly, an incredibly stupid political move, and it will cost McCain the presidency. McCain showed how he, too, has lost his mind, and how his handlers and advisers have zero clue about reality. Everyone hates Palin and everyone knows she’s inexperienced and worthless, and now everyone knows McCain has lost his mind. Say hi to President Obama and Vice President Biden for the next four years, and say goodnight to John McCain.
[re=79226]ReverendGreen[/re]: I was looking for a Veep, then I found a Veep and heaven knows I’m miserable now?
[re=79234]WonderWomyn[/re]: American politics has been basically just been really bad performance art for a long time, now.
[re=79219]MoonshineJoe[/re]: …since you opened the door.
-Cheney = Overlord
-Lieberman = Zergling
-Hopey = Archon
-Hillary = Infested Kerrigan
-John McCain = Infested Terran
“Will you support funding for abstinence-until-marriage education instead of for explicit sex-education programs, school-based clinics, and the distribution of contraceptives in schools?
Sarah Palin: Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.”
http://eagleforumalaska.blogspot.com/2006/07/2006-gubernatorial-candidate.html
[re=79203]paolaccio[/re]: The tardlinker at the WaPo gerbil factory latched onto “Julius Caesar” and only highlighted that.
It’s really sad when I’m refreshing Daily Kos almost as much as Wonkette. And yet, there I go. F5, F5, F5.
Besides, the orange is easier on my eyes than the magenta nightmare we’re suffering through here, today. Better have been worth it, Wonkette overseers! And next time, ask double.
[re=79245]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: For real, though the pay for this pink crap better have been awesome you’d better have enough to buy like 18 houses like Walnuts.
[re=79202]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sarah Palin: Like a pinata. If you keep hitting her, treats keep pouring out!
[re=79224]Cape Clod[/re]:
October.
[re=79236]Mo MoDo[/re]: McCain & Mrs. Driller? I tried in an old thread but got no reaction.
He’s a “Maverick” she’s a “Maverick”… I’m gonna need more tequila to handle all the shots I’m going to have to do during this abbreviated convention.
[re=79199]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes, he got all of it in one.
Yah, I feel uneasy, as if the Republicans have found the Ultimate Retarded Factor to allow them to win the White House, yet again, on sheer absurdity alone.
[re=79245]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: and they better not fuck up that movie! The book was fun-e!
[re=79230]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Okay, that made me laugh. I’ll admit it. Full marks for that one.
Everytime I read “Maverick”, my mind’s eye sees a Ford POS from the ’70s.
[re=79241]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Better hope there are no GOP science vessels with EMP…
Haha! Just kidding! We all know that the GOP doesn’t fund life saving research!
It’s about time that someone with credibility shook up Russo-Alaskan relations!
Wow, i never knew political suicide could be so fun.
[re=79269]Servo[/re]: I think of the Ford Pinto.
Cohen: “Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn sometimes”
paolaccio: Not Julius Caesar or Caligula — but Caligula’s horse Incitatus, whom he vetted and made a Senator…
i love the term “snowbilly”.
[re=79223]madtowngooner[/re]: A cunning stunt? Perhaps you mean a stunning cunt? We are talking about McCain here.
[re=79269]Servo[/re]: I keep thinking of Mel Gibson. Freedom fighter, protects oil from bandits, a registered lethal weapon, and has a hard on for The Lord! McCain/Gibson ’08!
[re=79234]WonderWomyn[/re]: [re=79238]thefrontpage[/re]: seriously? what are you guys reading / hearing and I CAN HZ SUM PLZ?
i’ve got NPR all day telling me this was a wildly successful pick and now the wingfreak base is all energized now and it’s springtime in germany.
please sooth my fears
[re=79228]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: exactly.
Has anyone coined the phrase “Running Joke-mate” yet?
This new format makes me dizzy and disoriented, even though it also makes me intensely claustrophobic. I think I’m gonna be sick….Oh, and Dick Cohen fucks goats.
[re=79292]HopeNutz[/re]: Duh!
[re=79223]madtowngooner[/re]: Is it wrong that when I read “Cunning Stunt” in a comment about McCain, I can’t help but think he calls Palin a “Stunning Cunt”?
I think we are being too harsh on our friends “across the aisle”.
I just heard one delgate say “thank goodness those poor negro people in NOrleans are OK”
It seems my thought was shared…. Damn me for having to verify that I actually had an account to make that comment!
[re=79339]Entitynein[/re]: I agree; McCain wants to put the Cuntrie First
[re=79298]ladymacbeth[/re]: I know what you’re saying. Are they all drunk on RNC coolaid? Has the entire MSM been told so many times that they are too liberal biased that they decided to give up investigative reporting entirely and just rely on McCain/Rove talking points???
Boo. They are failing. I shouldn’t have to rely on HuffPo for all my dirt.
[re=79298]ladymacbeth[/re]: NPR is still so pissed at Obama’s defeat of Hillary that they’re totally out of their minds. Not that they were very bad-ass-aggressive to begin with. But maybe even polite little old tea-and-crumpets NPR will wake up, when this whatever-she-is’s patent insanity becomes more irreparably obvious.
@paolaccio No, I don’t teach high school history. Thankfully I escaped that fate and became a programmer instead.
thank you to all those who explained the secret mixed-up spelling of Cunning Stunt for the rest of us. — now we can enjoy this jolly British humor, just like the mighty USofA remade The Office in ‘Mercan
y’know palin also has the responsibility to protect us and canada from greenland. i don’t know why no one has noticed that the danish descendants in greenland can practically walk across canada and put our oil interests in anwar in jeopardy. thank you, palin for maintaining democracy in north america.
btw, palin was a sportscaster and so was ronald reagan. maybe she can do the superbowl or sumthin.
[re=79219]MoonshineJoe[/re]: You must construct additional Palins!
[re=79398]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: they WERE miffed about clinton weren’t they? i don’t remember them EVER tipping their hand so clearly. seemed like the only people on the floor were pissed off pantsuits.
and the convention itself was a slightly better than average event with mediocre speakers.
and the battle against mccain is all uphill.
i actually feel a little better: last hour i heard somebody run down our very own wonkette’s list of sarah palin’s FAILings.
How about, Sarah Palin, aTom Eagleton for the 21st century. Tom was only crazy, not loony.
[re=79270]MoonshineJoe[/re]: # We’re in her pipes, five by five…hang on, we’re in for some chop.
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