Wonkette
When this whole hurricane thing happened, millions of Republicans breathed a sigh of relief: this “tragic” weather event gave such national embarrassments as our president and vice president a natural reason for skipping the party convention, out of respect for the people several thousand miles to the south who did not drown this time. But even though President Bush will not be at the Republican National Convention in body, he will be there in mind, through the magic of space robots!
Early reports say that this evening may feature “a 9:30 p.m. address by President Bush - via satellite from the White House.” Ha ha, George Bush isn’t even allowed out of the house these days. Dick Cheney, of course, will not be giving addresses of any sort because he is off harvesting whale sperm in the Caucasus.
Report: Bush to address convention today [Detroit Free Press]
This is less interesting than Uncut Viking Cock.
I am awake, my Wonkette looks like a 14 year old My Little Pony paradise and the world is going to fucking snarky hell.
Off to the attic to find a rope.
Well, it IS a big house…
Gotta say, my lovely wonkettes, that I undersand the whole ad thing…but really? The entire background changed? That’s why I quit myspace…
Oh boy! I hope that Bush’s announces to everyone that little Barbara is pregnant with a black guy named Razor’s baby!
…and Dick Cheney will perform his speech by demonic possession.
Al Franken, years ago when he used to have his radio show on Air America, was predicting Bush wouldn’t speak at the RNC. Looks like he was essentially correct.
New Wonkette advertising theme: not safe for sanity
AngryBlakGuy: No, it’ll be by hologram, like the Emperor talking to Vader in Star Wars.
They should do what the DNC did with Jimmy Carter: bring him up on stage but don’t let hin speak.
Cheney’s brain, floating in a vat of Fluosol DA and various and sundry nutrients, with eyeballs still attached by sinuous nerve bundles, will be addressing the Republican Convention via electrode-link to the internet, at which point he will be announcing that the preparations are underway for the invasion of Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Nigeria and the oil rich regions of Russia.
Can anyone check and see if Pixar has been working overtime?
You see, an animated Bush (what a scary thought) can go on
the air without concern for showing scars from battles with a
pretzel, or bike crashes, or slurring his words like a dry drunk.
http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/06/15/bush-library-burns-to-the-ground/
speaking of space aliens, why is Cindy dressed like one?
http://blog.mlive.com/elections_impact/2008/09/medium_080901-cindy-mccain-laura-bush-gop-convention.jpg
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2008/09/02/laura_bush_cindy_mccain_make_plea_for_gustav_aid/
It was unclear whether Thompson had replaced former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani as the convention keynote and, if so, why.
Unfortunately Rudy’s wax job went horribly awry and his plans to appear in fishnets and do a rousing rendition of “Ain’t Misbehavin’” had to be scrapped. He is regrouping and hopes to be able to field a folksy medley of “Old Man River” and “New York, New York” if he can find a decent pair of bloomers in St. Paul.
BTW, did anyone else notice the two crosses in the shot of
Marvin the Martian?
He can’t show up for the big family values convention he worked so hard for just in time to welcome a candidate with a knocked up un-wed teen daughter, a divorced presidential candidate, and the whackiest news organization on the planet just busting a button to know when the next batch of Bushes will drop? It’s tragic, seeing as how his pesidency has been such a success otherwise.
Sayitwithwookies: Does this mean conservative, his-career-is-washed-up-but-he’s-good-on-the-teevee Thompson is the VP understudy?
Is this new obnoxious site layout now with 50% less space for content supposed to be a metaphor for Alaskan Barbie or something?
President Bush would be speaking at the convention, but has been called away to eastern Kentucky, to oversee a disaster relief effort brought on by heavy overnight dew accumulations. So far, the grim death count stands at zero.
Doglessliberal:
It does look like a scene from Babylon 5. She just doesn’t have toilet brush on her head or skin that looks like a Sugar Smack.
WadISay:
You laugh, but the dew has been especially heavy this year, making grassy areas slippery throughout the state, and unfortunately the National Guard is busy protecting the $79 billion fiscal surplus in Iraq.
I find George W. Bush incredibly attractive with this new advertising theme.
Not being able to speak on Monday knocked Bush’s schedule off. He had already had a date on Tuesday evening to watch a very important tactor pulling competition on ESPN Classic.
phildeaux: From a distance people will think I’m reading The Superficial.
O God, what happened to my eyes?! Something pink is telling me to choke myself? or something? Auto-erotic asphyxiation? What is going on?
Unfairman: You’re right. It does kind of look like a 13 year old’s myspace page. I too understand you have to pay for the rental car and bar tabs in Denver and St. Nick (Paul, whatever), but this hurts my eyes.
He has to address the RNC here, so that he doesn’t have to address the RNC there.
Oh, look, a Nexium ad
Doglessliberal: speaking of space aliens, why is Cindy dressed like one?
I think she needs to be the only woman in the GOP spotlight and has been push to the back page by all the attention on Palin. Cindy’s outfit screams ‘Notice Me!’
DoctorCulturae: Oh, hell no. First, Palin’s not dropping out — second, any potential VP would have to guarantee they don’t have overlapping naptimes with McCrone. For all everyone cheers Thompson, his acting experience amounts to about five minutes per episode of whatever that damn show is, and it usually involves taking his glasses off. He can’t handle much more action than that.
I’ll bet they’ve already hired someone to “accidentally” pull the plug on the satellite feed so they can claim technical difficulties and not let him speak.
phildeaux: The first rule of the new Wonkette background is you don’t talk about the new Wonkette background.
http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh8/bourbondynasty/cantannollores.jpg
SayItWithWookies: Plus, since her hobby is making babies, she knows all about changing diapers and putting people down for naps, so she can fulfill those duties, too.
Doglessliberal: Oh, McCain’ll have people for that. One retarded child is enough for any mom to handle, don’t you think?
Fred Thompson giving a speech? People must not be sleeping well, what with all that partying going on. At least they’ll get the chance to catch up.
capitol hillbilly: Ha - that photo(shop) still makes me laugh. Or cry, depending on how much alcohol is still in my glass.
The only reason for the satellite feed is to prevent any more pics of Walnuts! and w hugging. Really, I mean, Air Force one could have Drinky McCokespoon in and out of St. Paul in about 6 hours.
Um, is that scary shadow man floating in the firey pink Dumbo tripped out sky eating Mrs. Palin? Does she taste like chicken?
Its a good thing for him that he is beaming in. Otherwise he might be mistaken for a reporter
and beaten, arrested, & charged with disrespecting Big Brother (himself).
There are bloodied people in the streets of Saint Paul today. This ain’t funny (sorry).
If we don’t get to see him walk to a podium, when will we ever get to see his “I didn’t let New Orleans get destroyed twice by a hurricane” strut. I was waiting all day for it.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Shouldn’t she be like, in attendance at the convention or something? Is there any indicator that she or McCain are anywhere near? Obama had a camera in his hotel room showing the phat widescreen TV he likes to kick back with. I’m imagining Palin in a room at HoJo banging the walls to tell the sex slaves next door to keep it down.
So these delegates just sit around and watch their WePumpKin leaders on the television? They could do that at home. Someone should Photoshop the Enterprise bridge crew looking at the viewer with the big, scary Bush alien face on it.
Mmm, Sugar Smacks.
Scarab: cindy’s outfit screams that she clearly has no gay friends!
kapish: Seriously bad police action. They sorta made a mistake arresting Amy Goodman of Democracy Now! Check out her report of the action. Police refused to answer questions, identify themselves and used excessive force..on journalists. Goodman and 2 of her staff had their RNC press credentials taken by an ununiformed man.
They did what to Amy Goodman? The bastards. Wheres the link!
I had almost forgotten how charming those transmissions from The Big Giant Head used to be.
I am all atingle in anticipation.
FlipOffResearch: Glenzilla is on the case - Amy Goodman arrested.
Check out those Uptake videos too. The St. Paul cops are getting nasty with that pepper spray.