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Looking for discreet bathroom funThe Republican National Convention has brought truckloads of new visitors to the Twin Cities — and with every event getting canceled in honor of the poor black people who didn’t get killed in the hurricane yesterday, veritable dozens of GOP males were left in their swank hotel rooms with nothing to do. Let’s find out what happens when a bunch of closeted, discreet hairless dudes go looking for good clean fun on Craigslist …

Strip searches … kinky!

Discretion Required – m4mm (Upscale Hotel)
Date: 2008-08-30, 5:19AM CDT

ATTN:
discretion is mandatory. must be willing to submit to background check and strip searches. absolutely no recording devices or wireless communication devices allowed. you will be examined and scrutinized by security before you make contact.

50yo Male looking for VERY discrete four-hour party at local hotel involving more than one male with a maximum age of twenty. hairless preferred. food, drinks, and toys will be provided as necessary.

This one gets points off for redundant headline and first sentence. Otherwise A plus for spelling “discreet” correctly.

young guy in town for the convention, looking for a good time – 25 (near Xcel Center)
Date: 2008-09-01, 6:51PM CDT

Hey guys-

I’m just getting in town for the convention, looking for fellow convention attendees to fool around and have a good time.

No Log Cabin here, nobody knows, so must be discreet.

I’m 5’8, 165 lbs, professional guy, looking for similar. We can grab a beer and talk about why Obama sucks and then get it on.

This one would be funny, if it weren’t so obvious that the poster is JESUS:

Seeking Pig Bottom Republican for a Good Pounding – 33 (St. Paul)
Date: 2008-08-29, 9:25AM CDT

Welcome to the Twin Cities, GOP!

After 8 years of taking a hard pounding from you guys in Washington, it’s time to return the favor!

I’m looking for a Republican delegate to take for a ride like Bush & Co. have been doing to our country since they took office.

Here’s the scene: I come to your hotel room, you’re wearing nothing but your convention credentials. You blow me while I berate you for ruining our economy. Then I flip you over and slam your ass like Hurricane Gustav is gonna do to your news coverage. Then I pull out and cum on your face and you learn the real meaning of Trickle Down Theory.

ME: 6’4″, 220, Blonde & Blue, hairy, with a 9″ uncut viking cock

YOU: Pig Bottom Republican

And last: in lieu of Laura Bush’s party, busting a nut will do.

Closeted RNC supporter seeking a masc smooth man this afternoon – 48 (downtown mpls hotel )
Date: 2008-09-01, 12:05PM CDT

am conservative, bi and in the closet.. but love a hard younger body for making out and oral action.

my stats
5-9″ – in shape, masc , 6″ cut

was planning on the IMS party for Laura Bush today but it cancelled. so would like to bust a nut and have some other fun.

can trade pix

thinking of mid afternoon get together

Happy Convention, everyone! And thanks to “Brett” for suggesting this post topic which, come to think of it, we should have thought of OH YEARS AGO.

Discretion Required – m4mm (Upscale Hotel)
young guy in town for the convention, looking for a good time – 25 (near Xcel Center)
Seeking Pig Bottom Republican for a Good Pounding – 33 (St. Paul)
Closeted RNC supporter seeking a masc smooth man this afternoon – 48 (downtown mpls hotel )

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41 COMMENTS

  1. Speaking of teh gayz: “I hate your new wallpaper!!”

    If you really are a pig bottom, do you admit it? Even in personal ads?

    Teh gayz, they are mysterious in their ways…

  2. In the interest of fair reporting, Denver also had a HUGE spike in the number of CL M4M ads posted during the Dem convention. Although, nothing as kinky and twisted as the Repubs.

  3. M4M? Boring – the T4M (and, with the Republicans flocking in, M4T) ads should be MUCH more informative. You don’t think that pink feather boa was just for blocking the cameras, do you?

  4. [re=78868]norbizness[/re]: Yeah, editors, that shit is absurd. I had to write a script to disable it, I can’t have a half-naked woman and a bunch of clouds shaped like tits on my screen at work. I would seriously pay if there were an ad-free version of Wonkette, like the dirty hippies over at Kos have. (Just kiddin, I love those guys) Anyone else?

    Though I still think the Secret Service agent that confiscated the laptop/bag at the DNC is just selling advertising and keeping the profit.

  5. The ad is ugly but if it’s helping to fund your courageous travels, then I’m happy. Seeing the traffic here lately makes me think Nanookie is the best thing to happen to Wonkette since Trucknutz.

  6. the “maximum age of 20, hairless” thing is code for “pleasepleasepleaseplease be prepubescent…”

    I don’t mind the background, truly, but that might be because my computer is screwing it up, so all I see is the red and half the text. No sexysex pictures.

  7. Standards have clearly slipped since the Library of Congress signed you up – the Wonkette of old would never have allowed a line such as “we can grab a beer and talk about why Obama sucks” to pass in this context without asking if he swallows, too.

  8. [re=78880]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Nanookie. That’s good. A friend of mine likes to call her “Lady Maverick” which sounds like a fancy disposable razor for women in the saddle.

  9. In 25 words or less, describe which you hate more:

    1. The new background.

    2. The roll over ad that starts talking even when you don’t roll over it.

    or

    3. The knowledge that as much as it seems like it, the Sarah Palin chronicles
    will not be able to go on forever.

    The winner gets to sit in at the Mpls convention, 2nd place gets to speak there.

    Tip over your waiter while you try the veal……..

    Jerry w

  10. This could be the beginning of a beautiful Conservative/Paultard reconciliation. I’ll bet if you stand in any hotel hallway mid-afternoon you’ll be able to hear the sounds of pale, beady-eyed, bear-on-hairless-tranny makeup sex. And it’s too bad Republicans are such lousy tippers, because the maids are going to have a ewwwwww job the next few days.

  11. [re=78928]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Amen. Between the talk about man-onman assfucking and this background, I thought I stumbled onto the RNC / Fox Gnus “special message” boards or some such. I mean…damn!

  12. Damm them gayz, all makin’ ahr proud an’ righche… rihtchu… right-chu… good Chrischun Republicans inta wunna them!! Makes me sick! Still betterna Dems, who’re born ‘at way.

  13. Gross! Yech! Please. Now we need two full pages of Paris Hilton, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Elektra, Eva Longoria, Mila Kunis and Halle Berry to get back to normal—please.

  14. [re=78875]ReverendGreen[/re]: He’s right–the TforMen is where the action is going to be. “90 percent woman is close enough for government work! Slaver, drool!”

  15. [re=78938]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: win!

    i’m not sure what’s worse: the pedophilia undercurrent or just the republicans themselves…

    oh googy — it’s time for rush scumbag!

  16. OMG, please please please respond to one of these adds, Jim, and after you show up, just slap the guy in the face and walk away. Then write allllll about it.

  17. Backgrounds like these would lead to a commenters’ (commentators’?) union, if we actually got paid, and if Ken wasn’t an ex officio board member of Pinkerton Consulting and Investigations.

  18. I’m 19, prematurely bald and have a curly vestigial tail. Despite my extreme low self-esteem and desperate need for attention, I thank God that I cancelled my trip to St. Paul this week.

  19. I guess none of these guys read Wonkette. A day later and none of them have deleted their Craigslist ads. Or maybe the added attention and 17,000 views is getting them more cock.

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