obvious jokes

A Children’s Treasury Of Republican M4M Ads In Minneapolis St. Paul

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Looking for discreet bathroom funThe Republican National Convention has brought truckloads of new visitors to the Twin Cities — and with every event getting canceled in honor of the poor black people who didn’t get killed in the hurricane yesterday, veritable dozens of GOP males were left in their swank hotel rooms with nothing to do. Let’s find out what happens when a bunch of closeted, discreet hairless dudes go looking for good clean fun on Craigslist …

Strip searches … kinky!

Discretion Required – m4mm (Upscale Hotel)
Date: 2008-08-30, 5:19AM CDT

discretion is mandatory. must be willing to submit to background check and strip searches. absolutely no recording devices or wireless communication devices allowed. you will be examined and scrutinized by security before you make contact.

50yo Male looking for VERY discrete four-hour party at local hotel involving more than one male with a maximum age of twenty. hairless preferred. food, drinks, and toys will be provided as necessary.

This one gets points off for redundant headline and first sentence. Otherwise A plus for spelling “discreet” correctly.

young guy in town for the convention, looking for a good time – 25 (near Xcel Center)
Date: 2008-09-01, 6:51PM CDT

Hey guys-

I’m just getting in town for the convention, looking for fellow convention attendees to fool around and have a good time.

No Log Cabin here, nobody knows, so must be discreet.

I’m 5’8, 165 lbs, professional guy, looking for similar. We can grab a beer and talk about why Obama sucks and then get it on.

Sponsored Intermission

This one would be funny, if it weren’t so obvious that the poster is JESUS:

Seeking Pig Bottom Republican for a Good Pounding – 33 (St. Paul)
Date: 2008-08-29, 9:25AM CDT

Welcome to the Twin Cities, GOP!

After 8 years of taking a hard pounding from you guys in Washington, it’s time to return the favor!

I’m looking for a Republican delegate to take for a ride like Bush & Co. have been doing to our country since they took office.

Here’s the scene: I come to your hotel room, you’re wearing nothing but your convention credentials. You blow me while I berate you for ruining our economy. Then I flip you over and slam your ass like Hurricane Gustav is gonna do to your news coverage. Then I pull out and cum on your face and you learn the real meaning of Trickle Down Theory.

ME: 6’4″, 220, Blonde & Blue, hairy, with a 9″ uncut viking cock

YOU: Pig Bottom Republican

And last: in lieu of Laura Bush’s party, busting a nut will do.

Closeted RNC supporter seeking a masc smooth man this afternoon – 48 (downtown mpls hotel )
Date: 2008-09-01, 12:05PM CDT

am conservative, bi and in the closet.. but love a hard younger body for making out and oral action.

my stats
5-9″ – in shape, masc , 6″ cut

was planning on the IMS party for Laura Bush today but it cancelled. so would like to bust a nut and have some other fun.

can trade pix

thinking of mid afternoon get together

Happy Convention, everyone! And thanks to “Brett” for suggesting this post topic which, come to think of it, we should have thought of OH YEARS AGO.

Discretion Required – m4mm (Upscale Hotel)
young guy in town for the convention, looking for a good time – 25 (near Xcel Center)
Seeking Pig Bottom Republican for a Good Pounding – 33 (St. Paul)
Closeted RNC supporter seeking a masc smooth man this afternoon – 48 (downtown mpls hotel )

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SuperRounder

    Does the “Viking” guy’s giblets have a hat to prove their Viking status?

  • ManchuCandidate

    No Super Tuber?

  • Doglessliberal

    What you don’t know is that Sarah Palin’s husband has already arranged to be the sought-for Pig Bottom.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”Viking Cock”? And do I even want to know what a “Pig Bottom” is?!

  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    Now we know why Rudy didn’t complain for being bumped from his speaking role…

  • columnv

    Newell should go to one of these with a camera and get some pics.

  • Not_So_Much

    Speaking of teh gayz: “I hate your new wallpaper!!”

    If you really are a pig bottom, do you admit it? Even in personal ads?

    Teh gayz, they are mysterious in their ways…

  • Verve

    In the interest of fair reporting, Denver also had a HUGE spike in the number of CL M4M ads posted during the Dem convention. Although, nothing as kinky and twisted as the Repubs.

  • Crow T. Robot


  • norbizness

    Can you send out an e-mail when this mauve monstrosity of an ad background is discontinued?

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=78858]Not_So_Much[/re]: The wallpaper is giving me seizures.

  • you cannot be serious

    once again with the buttsecks. Oh, Republicans! You are so adorable.

  • ReverendGreen

    M4M? Boring – the T4M (and, with the Republicans flocking in, M4T) ads should be MUCH more informative. You don’t think that pink feather boa was just for blocking the cameras, do you?

  • Walter Sobchak

    [re=78868]norbizness[/re]: Yeah, editors, that shit is absurd. I had to write a script to disable it, I can’t have a half-naked woman and a bunch of clouds shaped like tits on my screen at work. I would seriously pay if there were an ad-free version of Wonkette, like the dirty hippies over at Kos have. (Just kiddin, I love those guys) Anyone else?

    Though I still think the Secret Service agent that confiscated the laptop/bag at the DNC is just selling advertising and keeping the profit.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    The ad is ugly but if it’s helping to fund your courageous travels, then I’m happy. Seeing the traffic here lately makes me think Nanookie is the best thing to happen to Wonkette since Trucknutz.

  • Unfairman

    Why are these kinky bastard perverts in my town! I should be the only kinky bastard pervert!

    I also hate the background. Please make it stop.

  • Doglessliberal

    the “maximum age of 20, hairless” thing is code for “pleasepleasepleaseplease be prepubescent…”

    I don’t mind the background, truly, but that might be because my computer is screwing it up, so all I see is the red and half the text. No sexysex pictures.

  • Hello Sunshine

    Standards have clearly slipped since the Library of Congress signed you up – the Wonkette of old would never have allowed a line such as “we can grab a beer and talk about why Obama sucks” to pass in this context without asking if he swallows, too.

  • freeradical

    “hairless preferred” = pedophile. eww!

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=78880]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Nanookie. That’s good. A friend of mine likes to call her “Lady Maverick” which sounds like a fancy disposable razor for women in the saddle.

  • jerryw

    In 25 words or less, describe which you hate more:

    1. The new background.

    2. The roll over ad that starts talking even when you don’t roll over it.


    3. The knowledge that as much as it seems like it, the Sarah Palin chronicles
    will not be able to go on forever.

    The winner gets to sit in at the Mpls convention, 2nd place gets to speak there.

    Tip over your waiter while you try the veal……..

    Jerry w

  • SayItWithWookies

    This could be the beginning of a beautiful Conservative/Paultard reconciliation. I’ll bet if you stand in any hotel hallway mid-afternoon you’ll be able to hear the sounds of pale, beady-eyed, bear-on-hairless-tranny makeup sex. And it’s too bad Republicans are such lousy tippers, because the maids are going to have a ewwwwww job the next few days.

  • masterdebater

    Looks like the bulletin board at Fox news central H.Q.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I demand that if we must see this background everytime we take a slack break then we should at least have the ability to inbed pictures again!

  • masterdebater

    [re=78928]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Amen. Between the talk about man-onman assfucking and this background, I thought I stumbled onto the RNC / Fox Gnus “special message” boards or some such. I mean…damn!

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=78904]Doglessliberal[/re]: “I’m Chris Hansen, from Dateline NBC, why don’t you have a seat over there.”

  • Harvey Birdman

    Here’s hoping one of those twinks can hide a camera in his butt.

  • Strictly for the Tardcore

    Damm them gayz, all makin’ ahr proud an’ righche… rihtchu… right-chu… good Chrischun Republicans inta wunna them!! Makes me sick! Still betterna Dems, who’re born ‘at way.

  • thefrontpage

    Gross! Yech! Please. Now we need two full pages of Paris Hilton, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Elektra, Eva Longoria, Mila Kunis and Halle Berry to get back to normal—please.

  • regisgoat

    [re=78875]ReverendGreen[/re]: He’s right–the TforMen is where the action is going to be. “90 percent woman is close enough for government work! Slaver, drool!”

  • Rush


    1. The new background. I feel like I’m in eternal Valentine’s Day hell. Wonkette editors are “evil doers”

  • whatever_dc

    [re=78938]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: win!

    i’m not sure what’s worse: the pedophilia undercurrent or just the republicans themselves…

    oh googy — it’s time for rush scumbag!

  • somelegalbitch

    I like how there’s a MAXIMUM age of 20 on the first one, but no minimum age to be found. And what’s with the hairless business?

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=78847]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Viking Cock is a lot like angry black cock — only white.

  • magic titty

    [re=79052]Vanity Smurf[/re]: with good credit.

  • CivicHoliday

    OMG, please please please respond to one of these adds, Jim, and after you show up, just slap the guy in the face and walk away. Then write allllll about it.

  • Miller

    C’mon now, at best only 30% of those can be from elected Republicans. The others have got to be from staffers and deposed/indicted/formerly elected Republicans.


  • Outstando

    Backgrounds like these would lead to a commenters’ (commentators’?) union, if we actually got paid, and if Ken wasn’t an ex officio board member of Pinkerton Consulting and Investigations.

  • kirkaracha

    A “four-hour party”? That’s the Viagra talking.

  • Jingo

    I’m 19, prematurely bald and have a curly vestigial tail. Despite my extreme low self-esteem and desperate need for attention, I thank God that I cancelled my trip to St. Paul this week.

  • Pawdedoo

    I guess none of these guys read Wonkette. A day later and none of them have deleted their Craigslist ads. Or maybe the added attention and 17,000 views is getting them more cock.