Wonkette
Poor Sarah Palin! We mean, “Sarah Palin lies everyday about everything!” In any case, our beloved junior governor from Alaska is now embroiled in so many snowbilly scandals that she’s probably not going to last through the week. Let’s start this fun new feature, about all the ways poor Sarah is about to be tossed off the ticket, maybe.
What have the Main Stream Media discovered about Our Mrs. Palin?
- Palin was part of some loopy anti-American group of Alaskan nuts that wants to secede from America. Why does she hate America so much?
- Palin is a big supporter of MSNBC nut Pat Buchanan, but not just because of his funny nonsense on teevee! She actually supported him in his Reform Party presidential nominations. Buchanan has criticized Washington’s support of Israel … so, that means Sarah Palin hates Jews or something!
- SHE LIES: Why didn’t Palin tell anybody (in, say, the McCain vetting team) that her teen-age daughter was about to pull a “Britney Spears’ little underage sister is having a baby” deal?
- Much more, later! We are going to some Mary Matalin party, where there will be comical New Orleans crap to commemorate this convention.
This is just a ploy to make Lieberman more palatable,
You forgot about her magic idiot baby who shall ascend to Barry’s left hand and heal those who can see but not walk unto their judgement (as was foretold in Revelation).
This fail-o-meter has been in existence for nearly ten minutes. Therefore, when Palin withdraws from the race, McCain will name it his new running mate. It has foreign policy experience because it’s part of the “world-wide” web.
Never has Joe Lieberman looked so sane.
This Alaska secessionist angle explains why she didn’t go to the hospital and pop Trig out in Texas and instead gave a speech, got on a plane, flew 3,000 miles, and ultimately delayed medical attention by 22 hours after her water broke and contractions began — he must be a native born Alaskan in order to become its future president.
Alaska First, Alaska Always!
I’m opening the Eagleton Pool right now. Poolsters, pick the day and hour of her crapping-out-for-the-good-of-the-country announcement, and you’re in! For the tiebreaker, because I think you’re all going to pick Sunday the 7th or sooner, name the “journalist” who breaks the story. All decisions of the judge (me) are final, but don’t despair if you’re not the best handicapper: I am susceptible to the usual liquid influences.
“Country First — Teenaged Kids Under the Bus”
gradgrind: Wednesday morning, 10 am. John King on CNN.
I’m with you gradgrind.
She will walk away because she needs to spend more time with her family…lol
…damn it! I wanted her to debate Joe Biden so badly, he would have whooped her ass so bad that her grand kid would come out retarded! Errrrrrrr, I mean retardeder.
gradgrind: Thomas Eagleton FTW!
SHEER HILARITY:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYYiw_y2qDI&eurl=http://dailykos.com/
I see Barry is taking the high road, saying the slutty daughter is a non-issue.
Keep saying that every 10 minutes or so, Hopey, until everyone in the world has heard about it!
I, for one, welcome our hyperfertile nutcase overlords.
AngryBlakGuy: which one?
gradgrind: Not gonna happen. Mr. November on Wonkette.
He was much better off picking Harriet Miers!
gradgrind: Wednesday, 10:30 eastern, Mrs. Greenspan.
i LOVE Mary mMtalin, how does she talk without moving her jaw?
El Bombastico: Audacious. I like it! This would give a particularly nimble replacement (would that be a neo-Palin or a paleo-Palin?) just enough time to squeeze in an acceptance speech before the convention implo—- er, adjourns late Thursday.
McCain’s vetting process makes sense and will surely fill a lot of vacancies quickly:
His pick to head the Federal Reserve could be some guy who lived in an apartment building next to a bank once. His pick to chair the FCC is someone who owns a television or a car radio. His pick to be Secretary of state is someone who has had a secretary working for them or someone who’s lived in a state.
Given all that’s come out in the past 24 hours, I’m thinking Thursday is “back to the igloo day. The National Enquirer has a crazed team trudging throught the tundra as we speak and there are apparently lots of other goodies in them there snow banks.
Are you looking for a timeline for withdrawal? To do so would only embolden Mittens. I would rather lose an election than lose a VPILF.
I’m saying he’s sticking with her. Cindy is not going to let John conduct another um — vetting process.
I’m in for the action…
I’ll pick a slow news day, next Friday mid-morning, and I’ll say it will some Fox news talking head…
I give her till Weds. When that happens, the Evangelical nutjobs will move en masse to America’s Final Frontier. Then we will be a land of progress, science and the future once again.
Personally, I like it that she neutralized the debate on experience. Barry really does have little (blah blah blah community organizer, a few years in legislature), and that was his weakest point for centrists who were skittish about that shit. If she leaves and in pops Mitt or Lieberman, the argument’s back, although weakened.
This baby stuff will be over in a week or less. If the girl were one year older and independent, not enough people would really give enough of a fuck for it to register. The grossness factor of putting a hapless kid up for public ridicule is not worth the points it scores against abstinence only sex ed. It doesn’t even smack of the Larry Craig or John Edwards-esque hypocrisy.
Candidates: please debate soon so we can start grownup time.
stew: Sarah covering up for Bristol’s kid…
Bristol covering up for Willow’s kid…
Think about it - Like a Coen Brothers movie - where this crazy-ass family keeps digging themselves a bigger and bigger hole?
Johnny Zhivago: Campbell Brown, ftw! How dare she belittle the no decisions that Sarah Palin made as commander in chief of the Alaskan National Guard. What an uppity cunt.
@gradgrind: i’ll go with next tuesday, after the evening news casts. mark halperin to break it roughly 5 hours after everyone already knows.
This is the first time McCain has been double bitch-slapped in the same day… Gustav and Sara… and there’s more to come.
itgetter:
Jesus, I love this site. You can say cunt! It reaffirms my faith in America.
She won’t see the convention. If there’s any chance she’s gone, they’ll axe her before she can accept. What do you think is gonna be the result of this “rapid response team” the Republicans are sending up to Alaska for “deeper vetting”? That they’re just gonna say “Okey-dokey, everything up here is hunky-dorey. And the locals are so colorful and charming!” They are the hatchet men. Kiss of death: When Mark Sanford says that “he had heard no discussion about removing Ms. Palin from the ticket”, he means, “I’ve heard a shitload about that!” Out by Wednesday, slide in Sanford (or hell, Pawlenty — he’s the same thing as Palin with a penis and without the crazy). Right wing Christianists are happy, and Sanford/Pawlenty get to play white knight.
You can plan a pretty picnic
but you can’t predict the weather, Ms. Palin…
Any coincidence that Ron Paul is nearby???? Maybe that’s why he was never actually invited to speak at the convention. He’s the REAL vp-pick…The rEVOLution lives on!!!
Okay, Jesus. For a second I channeled some kind of Paultard collective unconscious. I feel dirty.
Strappo: USA! USA! USA!
The vetting hasn’t even begun, and the Repub powers that be know it. What did her crazy minister or somebody in her church ever say? Nude pics? Toad’s wandering johnson? Nope. I bet McCain is being told even now to get out in front of it and have her decide to spend more time with family. By Thursday, something interesting will have happened in St. Paul after all and we all have to go back to watching General Hospital.
Before I learned of her GMILF status, my poor eyes happened to glance over the latest Bill Kristol column. It burned like all hell, but I was able to surmise that the former chief of staff for Dan #^@#% Quayle believed Sarah to be quite the up-and-comer in the GOP. I knew right then and there that she was finished. That pasty limpdick is always wrong.
Rough draft of Sarah’s speech where she puts it all in perspective:
“The details of my life are quite inconsequential…. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament… My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon… luge lessons… In the spring, we’d make meat helmets… When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles — there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it’s breathtaking… I suggest you try it.” And then I became Governor of Alaska. (Pause for applause and cheers)
What a long, strange trip it’s been.
“A Halo only has to slip a few inches for it to become a noose!!”
I’m actually old enough to vaguely remember Eagleton. Do you really think they’ll replace her? That’s the kiss of death. One of you photoshop geniuses find a still of the moment when Michael kisses Fredo in Godfather 2 and put McCain as Mikey and Sarah as Fredo.
I say you are all wrong. She will stay on the ticket, energize the fundies (they LOVE this, this is just another example of being pro-life and family values) and McCain and Palin will be elected Prom King and Queen of America.
I am writing this down in hopes that someone will be able to throw it in my face in November and point out how very, very wrong I was.
I just want to say “I love you Wonkette” and, can I have your baby?
Johnny Zhivago: Before last year I had no idea who Tucker Bounds was…. Now if I saw him on the street I’d kick him square in the nuts.
Does anyone know if Caribou Barbie ever actually activated the Alaska National Guard? I love how he claims she makes the decisions, but doesn’t know any of the decisions…
No, no, she’s going all the way because she’s got what it takes.
SayItWithWookies: She will if Mittens and WALNUNTS! let her play too this time.
America’s hottest GILF (soon to be double GILF) didn’t get where she is today because of premature withdrawal, and she has the four or five kids to prove it!
I don’t know whether to be thoroughly over-joyed, or appalled….because she’s going to be the next VP…
Barry should get his daughter preggo to counter Sharia Plan’s sympathy bullshit.
Master Robyn: If they refuse you, recommend the Palin’s. They’re specialists at getting knocked up.
i think she’s too stupid to quit. remember, she’s just the type that jesus talks to personally. now, where’s the meth? wait till the meth part of the story hits. it’s the ONLY thing missing from this lurid disaster. unless trig is kidnapped by a moose.
Now Politico is reporting that she may have NOT been Miss Congienality years ago—that honor went to another Miss Alaska wannabe…
So, let’s recap: Worked with a group who wanted to succeed from Union, teen daughter preggers, traveled 8,000 miles in labor with a high-risk pregnancy, troopergate, and it’s only Monday night. People, this girl is toast. TOAST.
Will it be the kiss of death for Republicans. Doubt it. They and the media will continue to say it’s a close race.
itgetter:
Now we just need to take our country back. Hey, I’ve got it! A Trail of Tears (to Alaska) for the wingnuts.
Johnny Zhivago: Thnak you soo much.
This brings me back to my Pixies meme. Palin is surfing a Wave of Mutilation…
Akchully the weirdest thing when I did some half-assed research and practice on this is the chord progression for the verse goes:
F, A, A#, G
WTF, codes and secrets of the universe !? There’s some gaiety in the GOP?
And the end of verse descant goes:
A#, A, G, F.
WTF, premonitions of waterboarding? AAAAAGGGFFFF.
Black Francis is clearly more of a hobbit wizard than anyone realized at the time.
Plaudits!
hockeymom: I agree. Everything I’ve read from fundie land indicates that they think Bristol is great evidence in favor of their platform. Apparently sex and motherhood before marriage is a-okay as long as you become engaged before you are old enough to vote. I’m starting to think that they want everyone to get knocked up and married when they are young and stupid before they have the ability to think or go see the world of anything. I don’t get it, but I was raised Catholic and we talked about out of wedlock pregnancies of grown women in hushed tones.
I don’t think Walnuts will be able to find anyone else to take him up on VP. Mittens, Ridge, and Pawlenty all want to be players in the future GOP and taking over for an underqualified undervetted candidate wouldn’t look good. They don’t want to be on a sinking ship and I could certainly see Pawlenty trying to position himself for 2012. The best McCain could do is the comedy gold of Lieberman which would drive away the fundies. He’s stuck with the snowbillies.
olddognewtricks: Money quote:
“Asked whether she would support Palin because she knows her, Gwin said: “I wouldn’t support her if she was my very best friend. I support Obama and don’t share any of her (Palin’s) politics. She’s very shallow.”" That’s coming from Miss Congeniality. Those Alaskan women are catty….
If only WALNUTS! understood the Intertubes, he could’ve vetted her more thoroughly like the rest of us did in 10 minutes.
I know the kid is not the grandkid, and Sarah’s not the grandmother. I looked at the “Mature” and “Old” galleries at pictures-free.org and none of the women on there looked like Sarah. So, she’s not yet a grandmother. She’ll hit the wall after the real grandkid drops. Beauty…ah, so ephemeral.
Johnny Zhivago: That was beautiful. I had a crush on Campbell Brown until I found out she was married to that awful CPA toady Dan Senor. Nice to see her make Tucker B. look like Nathan Thurm.
And here’s an interesting point — are Canadians going to be offended by the fact that everytime Palin’s lack of foreign policy experience is pointed out, her defenders mention that Alaska is right next door to Russia, when Alaska also has the longest border with a whole nother country? You know — Canada? It’s like as foreign policy goes, Canada is the retarded brother that nobody even mentions anymore, even when he’s in the room. What the hell.
I couldn’t agree more with Walnuts!!! or his logic - She has a great ass.
You know the GP has jumped the shark, when 6 hours into their convention, they’re making the democrats look organized and sane.
The New York Global Tattler reports that Miss Teen South Carolina is being vetted at this moment. It should only take a day, then McCain will interview her, then Palin is off on the next flight to Wasilla.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww
Like many of you, no doubt, I went through a whole complex of emotions and/or feelings during this long weekend of wild pregnancy rumors and revelations. But I was able to sum them all up in a haiku, which I call…
Bristol
Marrying the guy
Who knocked you up at seventeen
Not such a good move.
-SB
Johnny Zhivago: That was painful.
If governors have command over the national guard then Mary Landreau would have called them back from Iraq to rescue people from their attics, Arnold Schwartzenegger would have called them back to fight fires, and some bright governor would be sending them to attack Florida from time to time.
FunkyPalmettoBug: You’re making me think Sarah Palin is actually Pinky Tuscadero.
check this out before it’s scrubbed!
http://cajunboy.tumblr.com/
PublicPretender: Thank you for that. You know, a few changes and it actually works…”My husband would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the bobsled. Sometimes, he would accuse Walnuts of being lazy…”
She’s a Manchurian Candidate for the Alaska Independence Party. Her assignment was to infiltrate the GOP and get elected to a high enough office to further the Great Alaskan Cause of Freedom (by which I mean furthering extinction and environmental degredation. And here she is, a heartbeat away, ready to be activated. Alaska First!
Does the AIP have its own currency like the Ron Paul Dollar? I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t advocate a gold standard and be for the abolishment of the Federal Reserve.
statements from the principal and coach and classmates indicate bristol left school mid-term (that is 8 months ago)
some say she had mono
others say she wanted to go to a different school
her boyfriend was a biracial kid a year younger than her
Now supposedly her BF is a 19 y/o white kid, longtime family friends.
WTF? I hope this lady drops out to spare her daughter any further humiliation
“We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby”
And by ‘decision’ we mean ‘no-decision’ since we don’t believe in choice.
The democrats are moving slowly with because this is it’s such a target-rich environment, and in a target-rich environment, you can blast your hunting buddy in the face with buckshot if you’re not careful.
But she’ll stay on the ticket. The republican spin will be unlike any we’ve seen in history, and she’ll stay. It’s preferable to making McCain look befuddled and reactionary.
gradgrind: Wednesday noon - Chris Wallace - or some other FuxNews Klown
spencer: Harden up wonketteer, start channeling Karen Carpenter but with Subway Footlongs cos… it’s only just beguuuun.
I gradgrind: Anyone worth their salt knows that you announce something like this on Friday at 6pm.
And in the spirit of throwing the hail-mary pass that is Sarah Palin, I’m going to go out on the limb and say that she is going to tell Larry King.
itgetter: Ha! Campbell Brown rocked it, that was hot. Sarah has nothing to offer, nothing. McCain’s all but crippled by her, good, heh heh…
If there is to be a change, I think it has to happen soon er than Thursday, as the party must approve the VP selection. And her leaving could help the Republicans, as they can point out how the evil lefty bloggers called this sweet, all-american mother evil names. She will become a martyr for the cause. Of course, if things go south for her in the probe in AK, she will fade away.
According to Barr, both the Dems and reps missed the filing eadline for Texas to get on the ballot. Chances are, rules will be bent, but Barr is threatening to challenge any attempt to let either party on the ballot. Could get interesting. WE, the Dems, can win without texas, but there is no way the R can…..
Lee Marvin: Actually I’m fearful that she will step down and the Repubs will spin this and say that the Obama campaign is responsible. It will make the McCain campaign a sympathetic figure and my grandma will vote for him because she feels sorry for the guy.
I for one want her to stay as long as possible in the campaign. The best thing for Barry is the media staying off of his back until election day.
she’s my MOTHER, she’s my SISTER
spencer: I want her to stay, too. It’s like the time the Democrats were laughing at Harriet Miers, and then we wound up with fucking Alito.
spencer: You are so right. I’m changing my tack. Sarah MUST remain on the ticket. America does need her after all. Spencer, you a genius.
hockeymom: More like Father/Daughter Prom.
Dave J.: Finger on nose.
ps kuntsler posted an awesome pic of her –
http://www.kunstler.com/index.html
scroll down to the daily grunt (jeebus i love that guy but his navigation sucks)
People, please. A person who risks the life of her 8th-month unborn Down-diagnosed child to fly to Texas and glad-hand some oil company execs is not going to drop out of her one chance at real power just because it’ll destroy her entire family. Try to get some perspective here!
The New York Daily News has pics of the boyfriend. They say he’s 19 and a former varsity hockey player. They also say it was common knowledge around town. So either the McCain camp really did know and it didn’t matter to them, or they never bothered to come to Alaska to vet her.
In any case, they’re two cute kids, further cementing in my mind that this is nothing but a big boatload of bad for Barry. Save this post also, and feel free to throw it back in my face if she quits. http://www.nydailynews.com/
Strappo: That was very insensitive of you. McCain still has painful memories of the original Trail of Tears. As a freshman senator, he and President Jackson (whom he fought beside in the War of 1812) nearly came to blows when McCain voted against the Indian Removal Act. This was when McCain first earned his reputation as a maverick.
Ilikepigeons: Actuallulally, this does look like the GOLDMINE. Like Pigeons sez, get in quick and do screen grabs before it’s done over:
http://cajunboy.tumblr.com/
Ilikepigeons: You good.
Exit has to happen by end Weds / Thurs latest in order to do working days of news cycle to set up slow weekend. Then more oppo news dumps while we enjoy the end-game of summer livin.
spencer: Give grandma the keys back to her Caprice Classic you took away last month, if she is a Florida snowbird maybe she’ll find a nice canal to park in…
StrangelyBrown: fly fetus fly, up up in the sky!
stew: Don’t hold out on us Stew. Spill.
She’ll stay. There’s nothing to attack here, or Dems already would have done it. Just horny kids w/out condoms. Embarrassing, but not exactly hypocritical.
echoman2000: LMBFAO
itgetter: Itgetter, are you purposely ignoring McShrimp’s sterling service in ye French & Indian Wars? He taught that young punk Geo. Washington everything he knew.
Big question is: Do you withdraw BEFORE the convention or AFTER if you are Palin?
I say the right thing to do is ASAP, so they can coach Lieberman on how to sound like Dick Cheney at the convention.
However, that doesn’t mean they would do the right thing. They may want their Nielsen ratings.
Have they considered dubbing her voice or do a equalized/synthesized version of it? I mean, she opens that mouth, her real voice comes out, and the Gallup poll percentages will trickle down and down down….
jasonelias: Shit, Itgetter wasn’t the one with the Campbell Brown clip, it was Johnny Zhivago, I’ve been drinking…
Ya’ll are focused too much on the sex, and not enough on the crazy. Right now, Salter and Schmidt and every McCain senior staffer each have 576 voicemails and Blackberry messages from reporters asking whether Palin was ever a member of the Alaska Independence Party. And they don’t know. There’s already two sources confirming, and every reporter from here to Juneau is killing themselves to find more. Hell, the baby is old news, yesterday’s fish wrapping. Every hour brings a new scandal.
BillyT: They’ll pressure her to withdraw before. Unless James Dobson storms in bearing rubber foetuses.
okay the boyfriend/father is wicked hot. i’d have his baby.
LOOK AT THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!!
http://cajunboy.tumblr.com/
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/08/births-at-mat-s.html
Strappo: He was crashing planes, even then. A true visionary!
jasonelias: Can I take credit anyways?
this is like if someone asked buffy to be veep and she said ‘yes’ only she couldn’t actually kick anyone’s ass and she still died twice.
McGrampy will never let Sarah quit. When he gets ahold of an idea [like that magical surge] he’s like a pitbull with a chew toy. Besides, going down in flames is sorta his specialty!!
And I can’t help but feel sorry for that girl. Glad no one wrote AP stories about my antics at age 17. And ya know, f*ck Sarah Palin for putting her daughter through this thing. What sort of effin ego-maniac would accept the VP nod knowing that this would come out, if not now then in December??
I think I know how it will go down. McCain tells Caribou Barbie he’s withdrawing her and replacing her with Pawlenty. Sarah’s crying and yelling at McCain telling him he just used her as a political tool, and that her whole life is ruined. Then Todd slugs the old man. McCain then fires his entire staff. At the RNC, with a black eye, he blathers about stuff, “And in the dream I knew that he was goin’ on ahead and he was fixin’ to make a fire somewhere out there in all that dark and all that cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up.” Then the RNC ends.
Ilikepigeons: Please provide 50-word condensed…the brown liquors have taken hold at this late hour (EDT) and I can’t really understand the nuanced subtext of WTF?!? this late in the long weekend.
There are emails. Oh sweet lord, there are emails. Lol internet!
Ilikepigeons: Is that Bristol wearing an Arizona hoodie, or have I overdosed on Caribou Barbie disaster material?
itgetter: Sure, heh heh..
Ilikepigeons: The coolest thing was the kid named Lexus.
(on Larry King - news from on-point in Alaska - not only is there a phone call, emails from the gov to the troopers exist. According to Investigator on the case there. My. My. My.)
she built her house with her teeth, made her SUV out of nail files and umbilical cords. she spawns while hunting. tell me, what the fuck can possibly stop this woman?
Lee Marvin:
Troopergate emails or emails about something else?
I actually feel sorry for her
Sarah Eaglteton-Bush anyone? The Eagleton for McGoverns shortlived VP cahdidate. Bush for the serial lieing.
Scooter: McCain is just like Bush that way. “That’s the way it is , and that’s that.” More the same bullshite.
gradgrind: I’m also going to say before her convention speech, but because like McCain I’m into self-sabotage, I’ll say it’ll be broken by someone at the Christian Science Monitor.
I want her to stay on and make it through the convention only to have the National Enquirer discover next week that she is a goat worshipping cannibal.
SayItWithWookies: Wait… so is Trig now Canada? This is just getting too confusing.
The emails will be the end. I wonder how possible it is for the Republicn vetting tiger team to wrap those up in litigative sludge until after the election.
So she’s not going to win teh crown and sash, AGAIN! Is there a GOP equivalent of Miss Congeniality?
That didnt’t seem to post right. Sarah Eagleton-Bush anyone? Eagleton for McGoverns shortlived VP candidate. Bush for the serial lies.
Politico has a headline that says “Veteran GOP hand will staff Palin”.
I quit.
The ultra-right-zealots won’t let her go without a fight, and if she does drop out, you know that the presser will go something like this:
Ex-Vee-PILF: I am here today to, (sniff, sniff) withdraw my name for Vee-PILF consideration. As much as I know that I am ready to do this job I know nothing about, I feel that my first duties are to my family. The viscious, horrible stories about my daughter, perpetrated By the evil-worshipping left-winger Barak Hussein Obama worshipers have been to devastating. (cry abit, grab composure as frst Dude steps forward toput arm on shoulder.) I could not subject my daughter to such a horrid rumors. These evil people need to be stopped. Please pray for my family, my daughter, and for McCain as he goes forth to battle the forcces of satan.
(enter stage right: Dobson)
Dobson: it is clear that there are evil people out there, and these eveil supporters of Obama need to be dealt with. I call on all fo my folowers to pray for God to smite the evil-doers a mighty blow that they may be shown the erros of their evil ways. (enter a rather large lightning bolt wrought from the hand ofGod) KAAAZAAAMMMMM.. nothing left on podium but a pile of smoldering ashes.
Caribou Barbie and Snowmobile Ken need to climb into their Alaska First! RV and drive off into the snowy wastes…
DieOnTheTurnpike: Not yet — but in a non-celebrity family he would be by about age sixteen. I’ll be more careful — it’s hard to come up with a garish simile without it being interpreted as a reference to something real. Reality has really thrown the pupy of satire off the cliff. Oh, shit.
ladymacbeth: I don’t totally understand that, but you made a buffy reference so I’m happy.
Good quote from Hines Sight:
“What’s galling is this: When the subject is a pregnancy to an unwed, minority teenage mother growing up in some — presumably Democratic — urban area, that pregnancy becomes fodder for lectures from conservatives about bad parenting, the perils of welfare spending and so on.”
http://www.hinessight.com/
Thank You DC Spring!
Akshally, I’m not so sure MyCane is going to make it much longer either. Jesus, have you seen the guy? Life force waning, gray skin, strained stare, sardonic grin, YIKES!
Ilikepigeons:
thanks.
Karl Rove and the Republican establishment has succeeded in making lemonade out of lemons.
John McCain is not ever going to be President, but at least his campaign has been used to successfully destroy a generally honest (where it counts) public servant who has taxed big oil billions to be distributed to her constituents. Sarah Palin and her concepts of public service and fair governance are a far bigger threat to the Republican establishment than the Democratic party will ever be. But with an 80+% approval rating in her own state they didn’t dare attack her directly. Fortunately, declaring her as a VP pick was sure to sic the M.S.M. and the Democratic party on her. Mission accomplished. Sarah neutralized. Big oil always gets what it pays for and they have paid plenty.
Strappo: I am naming all my future babies after cars
i have been out all day stealing mccain/palin lawn signs.
by next week i will rule your ebay.
SayItWithWookies: Puppy. Damn.
No, not a puppy off a dam. A puppy off a cliff. Damn.
Walnuts will never dump the Snowbilly Queen.
Here’s why: McCain has more to lose with his right wing base by doing the unmanly act of changing his mind and therefore being a flip-flopping, vascillating, Indian-giving, pussy than he does by keeping Sarah on, despite her traitorous past membership in the AIP, her philandering hubby, her preggers unwed daughter, her irresponsible sojourn in Dallas while dripping amniotic fluid, her ticket for fishing without a license, and WHATEVER ELSE IS REVEALED, with the possible exception of group sex with polar bears. The end.
Ilikepigeons: Is that Bristol wearing an Arizona hoodie, or have I overdosed on Caribou Barbie disaster material?Ilikepigeons: Did you click on the baby pics on the Mat-Su Hospital page? They both had this email message (scroll down):
From: lnevitt23@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, September 1st, 2008
I hope you new baby is doing well. I am sorry to bother you with this but news reports state Sarah Palin had her baby in the same hospital on the same day as your new baby. However there is no record of it on this web site. Do you recall any fuss about the governor having a baby while you were there? http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=8194634
Ilikepigeons: Ummm brainhurts … so where and when was this hellion born? If it was in the hospital and the record haz been phreaked, then there’s an issue. No? If it was somewhere else then there are kinda law-y things about that, as far as I know….
Ye gods the depositions attorney for troopergate is gonna have trouble compartmentalizn the current, and many future, cases. Jus hope it’s the right time in the budgetary year, y’know. Doesn’t lookit.
JP: Puke, puke, puke.
Excuse me, I was out all day.
I think I took a wrong turn somewhere on the way home.
Am I on the planet Zorgon?
drudge has the babydaddy pic up (and just what you would expect). corn-fed, k-fed mullet trash porn star. he’s like an extra from gilbert grape.
Oh, please let her stay!
http://usera.imagecave.com/destonio/Destonio_TT.jpg
“If my fucking voice doesn’t shatter the glass ceiling, I don’t know what will!”
I think my water broke…
http://www.ironburl.com/m/veep.jpg
I’ve got it…
Sarah pretended to be the mother of Trig.
And now Bristol is pretending to be the mother of the baby Sarah is carrying, so there are no questions about being pregnant during the riggors of the debates and the campaign.
Then on January 21st Sarah gives birth - and becomes president, because Focus on the Family files suit after the election alledging that John McCain is an illegal Panamanian and cannot hold federal office, afterall.
It all makes sense.
The Palin doesn’t believe in withdrawal, ever, and that is why Mc 5.5 chose her.
GMILF is a wonderful acronym! How far we have come, my friends, in veneration of our ancestors!
gradgrind: Somebody may have guessed it by now, but I’m sticking with noon, Saturday, August 30, 1931, Walter Winchell.
This whole story is right up his alley.
Babies! Babies! I can make babies! My babies can make babies! Babies grow into a family of babies! Everyone wants babies, especially now! Babyfamily familybaby! Babypubs!
Yay!
NYT blockbuster tommorrow:
http://tinyurl.com/69rgdn
You gotta read that shit. Forget Palin, it’s gramps that’s not ready to run the country.
I think they will keep her cock-eyed ass. The Fundies love her and besides who in the hell else is WALNUTS! going to get to go down with this ship? I swear if they win we will know that we are a country ruled by the stupid flat-earthers.
Aurelio: Those Alaskan citizens are not puking over their $1200 annual checks from big oil that Sarah got them.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/30/us/politics/30palin.html?_r=4&em&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
page 2:
“One of her most significant accomplishments as governor was passing a major tax increase on state oil production, angering oil companies but raising billions of dollars in new revenue. She said the oil companies had previously bribed legislators to keep the taxes low. She subsequently championed legislation that would give some of that money back to Alaskans: Soon, every Alaskan will receive a $1,200 check.”
What are you puking over.
“Hi John, this is the second newest addition to our family, Trig. Say hi, Trig. “gurfrfrbbbbrt”.
“Sarah, I think Meghan and Trig are on the same page. Perhaps they could meet”.
Hey, here’s another plus for the Palin column.
She supports Obama’s energy plan! From the State of Alaska’s press release archive –
http://gov.state.ak.us/archive-59841.html
Palin Pleased with Obama’s Energy Plan
No. 08-135
August 4, 2008, Fairbanks, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin today responded to the energy plan put forward by the presumptive Democratic nominee for President, Illinois Senator Barack Obama.
“I am pleased to see Senator Obama acknowledge the huge potential Alaska’s natural gas reserves represent in terms of clean energy and sound jobs,” Governor Palin said. “The steps taken by the Alaska State Legislature this past week demonstrate that we are ready, willing and able to supply the energy our nation needs.”
What a maverick!!!
KittyKatMan: Craigslist Casual Encounters strikes again.
Ilikepigeons: Not at all darling, yr welcome, but for the late crowd or those joining, joining, finally fkn getting around to it from gentleman’s hours on mountain time and frisco pains in the ass…
FRKN PLATINUM. So get this, and check back next week to see if it’s still there:
http://cajunboy.tumblr.com/
I give it 48 hours before takedown.
This monkey’s gone to heaven, this monkey’s gone to heaven…
KittyKatMan: That sure makes John McCain look like a coward. McCain’s so powerless that he can’t even pick the VP he wants? Hilarious…
Smoke Filled Roommate: Please…Tubby Magoo is so dumb she would think she would catch something…
Taking one look at that insult to trailer trash everywhere husband of hers,
there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s got hidden camera videos of her.
I’ll bet she’s featured in them down on her knees, but not exactly like she’s
going to pray, if you get my drift.
So, my pick for “North, to Alaska” (Bless you Johnny Horton, wherever you are)
will be tomorrow, Tuesday September 2nd, near the end of the day when she’ll
announce she needs to spend more time with her lawyer or family, you choose.
Jerry w
Ilikepigeons: I am naming all my future babies after cars
Great. When I’m 65, your daughter, Camry, will be fair game for me in the Great State of Alaska.
Or your son, Prius. Either way, I’m fine. It’s a long ways off. I’ll be senile. And/or Republican by then.
Bristol, your mom is a gigantic asshole. Also, you aren’t now pregnant. It is ok, we all know it. Your mom deserves a gigantic face-punch. Here’s to hoping you’ll get your head on straight.
Everyone else is playing checkers while Johnny McCain is playing chess: sure Sarah is a trainwreck of a candidate, but that’s just because McCain doesn’t wish to peak too early. He’s playing rope-a-dope with Obama letting him wear himself out with all that popularity and competence. Then BAM in mid-October, Johnny cuts bait on the snowbilly, pulls in Vinegar Joe, America goes Whoa, what a maverick! and presto, your new geriatric president and vice-president for life-your life!
KittyKatMan: Platinum!!
C’mon everyone, let this warm yr fuzzy little hearts. Seems the vetting was, uh, a bit, erm, not that, mmm what’s the word, uh, thorough?
Win!
http://tinyurl.com/69rgdn
SpecialHorse: Both her parents are assholes…for naming her Bristol…jeez…
So, assume she makes it to the VP speech at RNC and repeats most of her standard blahblahblah (minus the Hillary reference, natch). When she says how many kids she has, if she says “Five” do you think any of the pro-choice types will scream, “I call bullshit!”?
Anyone remember a happier time when Sarah Palin was just that exotic hot Governor from someplace we barely knew was a state??? Seems so long ago…thanks Walnuts! for ruining those happy times.
In less than one week Mittens will be where Sarah currently is. At least with his magic underpants there will be no surprises.
Wagamuffin: Missed you much. Haz maple today? Take to Zorgon, we can wait, and regroup there.
Oh the stories we will tell!
This is the best VP-pick ever! I mean, Perot’s old admiral guy was kinda entertaining, but really only in a sad way. Sarah’s like a multitude of cable channels . . . one of those movie package deal things I can’t afford to buy.
The shitty part is that I don’t think the democrats will figure out how to take McCain down over this and then the crazy duo will get elected and I will have to emigrate to Canadia (which doesn’t exist and is hard to get in to anyway), so then I will have to move to Russia because it’s really the closest foreign country but Putin is a meany-pants and I’m no good at hunting tigers.
BTW, aren’t siberian tigers almost extinct or something anyway? Does anyone know what I’m talking about? I don’t.
I need to get some sleep and stop eating Sarah-crack.
SpecialHorse: And everyone will be letting the dogs out…onto the roof of their car…
Here’s what will happen next in snowbilly-gate. Walnuts’ crack vetting team will be re-deployed to AK to avoid further embarrassment. Investigation of Anchorage police records will reveal that in July 2002, Todd Palin was picked up in downtown Anchorage for soliciting from an Inuit tranny hooker. His arrest will be found to have been expunged from police records late last year, after Gov. Palin had taken office.
I know there’s also a snow-chained el Camino in this story, and also forbidden love during a 4000 mile snowmachine race, but I’m not sure how they all fit together. Any ideas?
spraklepeapooh: Yo, do the tinyurl above. It’s the magazine, and I don’t mean glossy.
sarah palin, america’s mother. having lived in new jersey over 30 years i know there is no one more righteous than a reformed whore.
saarah, saarah, saarah. a little lap dancing at the convention will raise … all hopes even among republican gays.
she goes all the way.
mookworthjwilson: Well, my Christian name is Bristol so you hurt my feelings just then.
SpecialHorse: With that name, I am sure it isn’t the first time…
mookworthjwilson: I fuckin’ hope so. Dogs are disgusting creatures, none of which were in the Americas before the Nephites fought the Palites.
mookworthjwilson: Whaaa?
SpecialHorse: Just joshing with you
And I with you.
Hello Wonkette. Please keep a Fail-o-meter Gadget alive until Friday at Six, when the shit goes down.
mookworthjwilson: I am also just joshing. I enjoy joshing with you.
It is going to be Saturday around noon.
dilhavarti: Fucking ominous.
SpecialHorse: When Sarah drops out, I mean.
this is the greatest thing to happen in politics ever, even my afrikaans poly sci teacher here knows palin was a terrible choice
Johnny Zhivago: Woodchipper 08!
Which is what the whole election feels like in my brain.
njdon: Oh, I totally see a cabareted-up version of “My Way.” With SP in fishnets and a black bowler, of course.
FunkyPalmettoBug: My thoughts exactly. Democrats = organized, sane = bizarro world.
gradgrind: Wednesday. October 1. 3 p.m. Dr. Phil.
SEND HELP
Jukesgrrl: The Palin’s do look like a Dr. Phil Family…
What will the Palin family be like in 5, 10 years? What will Sarah Palin be doing???
JP: I am puking over what cheap whores those snowbillies are if they will spread their legs open and take a fucking for $1200, which, in Alaska, will buy you a tank of gas and a can of moose stew.
Puke, puke, pukity-puke, puke, puke.
Dude, she must be related to the Spears family. She’s got K-Fed for her husband and Jaime Lynn for a daughter. If Sarah Palin becomes VP, and I can’t believe I would say this, but it would make me miss Romney or Huckabee. Or at least Joe Lieberman.
Laura Bush tells Fox she helped vet Caribou Barbie:-
First lady Laura Bush said today that sexism aimed at Sarah Palin was a very real prospect and suggested Democrats watch what they say about the Alaska governor and John McCain’s ticketmate.
“The other side will have to be particularly careful,” Bush said in an interview on Fox News from St. Paul, “because that’s something we all looked at.”
“I’m going to get what I wanted, which is to be able to vote for a Republican woman,” Bush said. “People, as they get to know her, are going to be so impressed with her grit and her sensible judgment.”
“She has shown how terrific women can be, and how strong women can be, in office.”
http://www.politico.com/blogs/jonathanmartin/0908/Laura_Bush_warns_Dems_away_from_antiPalin_sexism.html?showall
Laura the teenage murderer is on better drugs than Cindy McLooHoo
Laura Bush talking about sexism? Well, I declare!
MBSF: In 5 years, Palin will have just been re-elected as president, having taken over for Walnuts after he choked on a piece of caribou steak at a state function. Her foreign policy experience will now be expanded to include Mexico, since she now runs a country that borders that one, too.
KittyKatMan: wow - McDonalds probably does more of a background check than McCains.
The money funny quote: “This was really kind of rushed at the end, because John didn’t get what he wanted. He wanted to do Joe or Ridge.”
A true Repub!
And I surely have to give up Palin-crack: this is eating too much time!!
But I think that no-one other than Sarah herself will take her out of the race. The Fundies love her, McCain is “dug in” and really it’s in the Dems best interest to have a weak competition. But it could all become too much for Sarah and her family - the blogs and tabloids must be hard to take when you’ve got little ones. My question is, if she does withdraw and the convention is over, does Walnuts just get to name a replacement, or does the party have to approve it the way they approve nominees at the convention? If the party doesn’t have to approve after the convention, and Sarah bails, McCain can put in his real desires: Ridge or Lieberman.
olddognewtricks: So when do we find out her hubby was NOT a world champion lawnmower racer?
I bet she’s not even governor of Alaska or a hockey mom when all the investigations are done.
tonashideska: SuperRounder: I heartily concur.
Let’s see, Thursday @2:00 Eastern - Faux news team. Only to be replaced by another crazier than an outhouse rat female…… Kitty Harris!!!
KittyKatMan: You’re forgetting the part where someone throws a chair and security has to fake bust in to shake everything up, then you get the moral lesson from Jerry at the end
she doesn’t withdraw; she goes all the way; she wouldn’t leave us in this condition.
she’ll make margaret thatcher look like a pussycat.
we’ve already proved that you don’t need brains or experience to be president.
azw88: Texas - Raising the Barr
JP: So is it possible the whole urgency to get from Texas to AK was ensure Trig gets his $1200 annuity for life? Is that the annual mortgage repayment on a bigger trailer?
So, this means her story of the 22 hour flight after her water broke are TRUE! Hell, that’s enough right there.
re: Quitting time pool, i vote for it ain’t gonna happen. If she quits, they won’t recover in time for the election and they know it. They’ll follow her to hell and back, no matter how many lies they have to tell. It’s the Republican way.
It hatlesshead: It amazes me how all the Republican establishment (with the possible exception of the not-VPs) have rushed to her defence. McOldy only met her once before - how familar are these people besides whatever 2 paragraph spin release was put out on her. How many actually know her to judge her character.
OH, sorry, judgement is not important, experience and family values is important
hatlesshead: I so glad the GOP consulted Laura before settling on a VP candidate. Her character judgment, as evinced by her choice in spouse, is really stellar.
Fools. You are witnessing the beginning of a political dynasty.
Trig Palin 2044
Kind of blows a big hole in McCain’s Country First theme if his running mate is calling for Alaska to secede from the Union.
And, how can she pledge to “preserve and protect” the Constitution of the United States?
http://www.hinessight.com
Aw man, it’s still going? This wasn’t just a long freakazoid hallucination?
But get this, WashPo thinks hurricanes have heels:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/01/AR2008090103127.html?hpid=topnews
It could go either way but I bet she’ll stay. It’s only a few weeks and this will all be over. McCain will resign to spend more time with his houses, Palin will be impeached and Bush will be on trial for War Crimes. I have a dream.
McCain will dump Palin for Jack Reed!
PublicPretender: Greatest quote in movie history.
El Bombastico: Next Friday, after 8; the pipe wrench, in the conservatory with Colonel Mustard.
I want to see Caribou Barbie whip up a little kitchen magic with Bristol’s
expelled placenta. She must stay on the national stage long enough for this!
She was vetted…whatever..Algebra and Britney are McBush’s anti-abortion bona fides…red meat to the base. The kids are merely anti-abortion props. Kinda sad to see this kind of child exploitation. Otherwise, why did the Republicans make a big deal about it with a press release, and then howl that the prss is covering it?? Traditional press would not cover this if Republicans had not made it an issue…geez… She’s 5 months…she coulda gone 2 more without the Republican press release adding the pressure of politics to an unwed teenage girl.
Thankfully now maybe she won’t have to carry the baby or a blanet to hide the bump.
I hate premature withdrawal.
But Palin was vetted for THREE WHOLE HOURS! How could all this crazy not have been discovered.
Meanwhile, the McCain post-vetting team isn’t up in Mooseland to uncover more dirt. They are there to bury bodies. Think Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction.
McCain will drop Palin tomorrow. Palin quickly chokes McCain to death with one hand, takes over the RNC, much to the delight of all the Fundies, with the help of her family which outnumbered the security personal. Palin will then nominate Pat Buchanan as her VP who will accept with tears in his eyes.
It could happen.
Come on, people. What happens next? Todd Palin is found to be struggling with a peyote problem? Levy Johnstone found to be Sarah’s baby daddy, rather than Bristol’s. Wait, Levy found to be BOTH Sarah’s AND Bristol’s. Yes… this was only possible because Todd disappears on his snow machine for weeks at a time on peyote-stained Caribou hunts. But where does the el Camino with snow chains come in? That part’s got me stumped…
Thanks for the link Wonkette! This is an important issue..
Alaska secession. John McCain 49/50th’s of America First.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Not only 17 and preggers, but 17 and a cheap drunk! I demand a Second Daughter with better taste in alcohol!
Yay for conservative values! Everybody pound Coronas while impregnating your underage girlfriend. Extra points if you can pull it off (but not OUT) in a ‘75 Firebird with a giant hole in the muffler.
http://perezhilton.com/2008-09-02-what-did-her-mom-do-wrong
Thursday, September 11, 10:00 a.m.
Oh wait - 9/11, 10:00 a.m., plus - Carly whatever her name is is…
dingleberries:
“Caribou Barbie” - haha! Luvs it