Wonkette
- In his concern for Bristol Palin’s privacy, Obama is now officially a better mother than Sarah. [Ben Smith]
- Palin actually wanted to build that pricey Alaskan superbridge, before all the persuasive backlash. [Ezra Klein]
- Oh, yes, so even more Palin fun facts will soon be revealed as your new Thomas Eagleton will go under oath to testify about Trooper-Gate. [TPM Muckraker]
- Country first: Sarah Palin thinks that the founding fathers said the Pledge of Allegiance. [Michael Tomasky]
- Thanks to Gustav, Barack Obama — the topical character who is not Sarah, Trig or Bristol Palin — had to cut short his motown karaoke crusade for Change. [Top of the Ticket]
- Sheriff Lott in the war-torn South Carolina has a new tank, complete with a belt-fed, turreted machine gun, the caliber of which is so horrific that even the US Army doesn’t like to use it. It is called the Peacemaker because of course. [Hit & Run]
Obama can rise above the High Ground all he wants. That’s perfectly fine with me.
As a Woman, a Mother, a Dem, and an American - I intend to sling mud and shit 24/7
K.Rove just threw MkKain under the bus!!!
i knew Barak was amazing but i didnt realize he has a vajayjay
So when does Todd Palin get caught with a black tranny hooker? During or after the convention?
Poor “Mitts”….he thinks “schadenfreude” means “shit on your friend”.
In that sense, he’s right.
Don’t forget Todd Palin’s 1986 DUI arrest! Okay, yeah. Not really as good as the rest of this stuff, but hey, let’s pile on!
re sheriff lott: barney fife, lives.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: That family really does have it all. Now we just need Track to get court martialed under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and for 14 year old Willow to have a budding drug problem.
Sarah Palin also thinks that if English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for all them dirty immigrants!
Vanity Smurf: I sense Dr. Phil is chomping at the bit to do a family intervention. Maybe his producers will show up at the RNC convention, accompanied by TMZ, Inside Edition & ET. Boy, I’d pay pay-per-view prices to see that!
Palin family–a gift from the heavens! Too bad she’ll be gone by the end of the week…
This woman is an idiot.
Oh please, dear British fellow — what you call idiocy, certain political consultants call “understanding the narrative even more than the facts do.”
Mitt must be tingling in his magic panties right about now.
stew:
Oh, no, she won’t be gone. They spun a drug and alcoholic, draft dodging, leeching off daddy’s friends, failure into a straight shooting cowboy and got him elected twice. Sarah Palin is easy by comparison.
Texan Bulldoggette: I still prefer Jerry Springer for this mess. Dr. Phil is simply to klassy.
Anyone watching the riveting live coverage of the Republican convention? It’s, like 2,000 people milling about in a stadium while a slowly-waving American flag is shown on a huge screen. If I didn’t know better I’d have figured this was Dubya’s Gustav emergency response plan in action.
Please help me out here. Has this campaign turned into an episode of The Riches, the Eddie Hazzard/Minnie Driver show about grifters??? The Palins would fit right into that world, and probably are being written into the script as we speak.
MCCAIN: C*NT. FIST.
I can hear the McCain vetters explaining this to their boss.
‘We just kinda thought that she was a little fatty.’
Terry: Not without a rich, ex-presidential Daddy, she ain’t. Cue the “I need to be with my family in this painful time” moment in 3…2…
Does anyone else find it odd that her daughter is EXACTLY as pregnant as Trig is old? Might thee protest too much, oh ye of unfathomably stupid labor story? Either that or Bristol’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. “My mom just had a horrible labor to give birth to a poor child with a crippling mental disorder. Let’s go bareback tonight, honey!”
mittens is totally dancing around in his magic underpants and praising his mormon god every day for not getting picked to join this train wreck of a campaign.
I wish I wrote this book!
it is priceless
BobLoblawLawBlog: Well c’mon — everybody knows you can’t get pregnant if your mom just gave birth.
And I doubt Palin’s removing herself from contention. If the Republicans have learned one thing from Iraq, it’s that you stick to your original decision no matter how many bodies litter the streets. I could see something like a surge, though, where he appoints Carrot Top to be Palin’s co-VP.
BobLoblawLawBlog:
Palin’s 4 month old child was a preemie, wasn’t he?
njdon: Nothing even remotely funny about that shit! That fucker and his good ole boys are going to be sleepless until they get a chance to use it, and of course that means jacking up a situation or creating one from scratch. Use it or lose it!
PS: I thought they had a brother on the shield and then my vision cleared.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: Mitt will have to wait eight years. Palin appeals to the sister-humping, gun-loving, creationist-believing slack-jawed yokel demographic; her replacement must do the same. Say hello to Vice Preznit Mike Huckabee!!!
From a very good source…here’s how Pawlenty found out he wasn’t the one.
He gets a call on Wednesday (I believe) to drop whatever he’s doing and go to the Governor’s Mansion on Thursday. He’s told he’d get a call at noon and then be taken to an undisclosed, secure, location and then be given further instructions.
So Pawlenty goes home and sits by the phone. And sits. And sits. And the phone never rings.
They didn’t bother to even call.
Reminds me of cheerleading tryouts.
So is Barry going to put Jamie Lynn Spears in an ad now?
kellygrrrl:
No shit.
Let’s see….you’ve got one kid headed off to Iraq, one daughter pregnant at 17, one infant with Down Syndrome and two other kids in between.
Are you so self-centered that you can’t see that your family needs you more than your country does?
And I would say that if she didn’t have any lady-parts. Course, she wouldn’t have been on the ticket then, either.
Obviously, the young Miss Palin is on a slippery slope and will be having sex with a goat very soon.
Let’s all get our Bibles out,turning to Leviticus and find out whst’s to be done with her.
In Sheriff Lott’s defense, meth labs in Columbia are often built in the bowels of medieval castles, so he actually does need something like that to fight crime. Also, jaywalking is at an all-time high. For now.
Makeithurt: Have fun reading Leviticus. I’m looking for my damn goat costume.
I wonder for how long the Repubs will take all this death (of Palin’s credibility) by 1000 cuts before they cut loose against … against … well, it would have to be those nasty bloggers who keep bringing up this inconvenient stuff. Like Wonkette, who I started reading in earnest a few days ago and haven’t stopped giggling yet (nice).
contentsunderpressure: The real brother is on point of course.
Y’all still yammering on about this Palin woman? Just save it till she opens her trap and sticks both feet in. Coming to a podium near you.
Just for the record: A .50 cal. BMG is NOT a “horrific caliber.”
Gesh. It’s not even explosive (usually).
There is no military doctrine, treaty or other limitation against using the .50 cal. machine gun against human targets — other than possible waste. (It’s usually “more bullet than you need.”)
You liberals need to write about things you KNOW.
You know: Things like why women shaving their legs is misogynistic. That Hillary would make a great President. The myth of the “metrosexual male.”
Stuff like that.
That sort of stuff.
Quick, someone make a viral video. Need Lexus ad voiceover saying “8 of our 43 presidents have died in office. John McCain is a cancer survivor, and, if elected, would be the oldest ever elected to that office.” clip 1: reporters pouring over Walnut’s 372 page medical records, scratching their heads, looking concerned. Fade to clip 2: Palin saying “what is it a vice president does all day, anyway”? I’m telling you.Game over.
I thought the fuct-checkers gag only applied to clan Palin of the North and the inevitable outcome of abstinence from contraception.
But if the Pawlenty story is true, that’s up for whole lotta fuct-checking too. Sample: Tim, you are fuct. How much? I’m going to let find out by yourself. Via MSM.
This is also in Leviticus.
@BobLoblawLawBlog:
See: “Irish twins”. You’re almost never as fertile as right after you’ve just had a baby. Man, I can’t WAIT until someone finds out who the father is. And if it’s wrong that I really want to be some 35 year old guy who works with either one of her parents, well…I never said I wasn’t evil.
Seriously, what type of mother puts her kid up for this abuse? What kind of politician agrees to be vp knowing they have this kind of baggage? And what kind of presidential candidate decides that this is the type of baggage he wants attached to this campaign? JUDGMENT EPIC FAIL.
lonewolfbear: andrea mitchell just said that the repubs have raised a very large amount of money since palin’s selection. apparently they don’t read wonkette.
SayItWithWookies: I’m just saying that the daughter just happens to be far enough along that there’s no possible way she could be Trig’s mother.
I just want the Trig rumor to be true sooo hard!!! It’s bringing back my pre-pubescent V.C. Andrews addiction. Please tell me she’s feeding those kids powdered donuts too…
Dearest Wonkette,
I am surprised that you have yet to comment on Ms. Palin and her involvement with the fruit basket of crazy that is the Alaska Independence Party. This seems a story “made for Wonkette”.
Are you showing a favorable coverage to America’s #1 GILF?
The people of America deserve an answer, Mr. and Ms. Wonkette.
That is all.
jstring: according to actuarial tables:
an avg person of his age has about an 80% chance of living 4 more years. and a 98% chance of living ’til inauguration day.
SayItWithWookies: I’m looking for my Bristol Palin costume.
Neilist: Juli is not a liberal.
She’s a magical princess who finds all suffering horrific and has sparkling eye-shadow and smells like bubble-gum. We commenterdwarves live with her in thatched cottage and she looks after us and makes us wash before dinner.
Neilist: Asshat, I mean Neilist, a 50 cal bullet would likely pass though your typical American drywall tract house. All the way through, and out the other side. These are bullets designed to pierce light armor. The idea of firing one in a police raid (where, again, it could easily pass all the way through the house and into the nieghbors, is indeed a horrific thought.
Which is why you need a special permit even to own one of these damn things.
This sheriff is a fucking moran.
Cheers.
njdon: It’s another Fuck You from Walnuts! to the fundies… he takes their money and them dumps their bitch.
So, if this is true and Bristol is 5 months pregnant, that means that the Down’s (sorry for being an illiterate cretin, but it just seems right to me)baby really is the Governor/Mom’s, which means she really did fly back from Texas to Alaska, with a stop in Seattle, after her water had broken.
I would really like to hear from some doctors about this.
I’m still not quite buying it, though. It seems that Bristol is being put through a 2nd pregnancy to cover up for the 1st one. I know I have an evil and twisted mind, but that would be totally fucked up if true.
Hot Dan Abrams said Cindy and Laura will be speaking now…More tears of awesome in the near future?
OMG, the Texas delegation at the RNC convention are all dressed the same and were waving their cowboy hats at Laura “crazy eyes” Bush in unison. I wonder if they drank the Kool Aid in unison, too.
gurukalehuru: You silly, she isn’t really pregnant. I guaran-damn-tee you she is going to suffer a “miscarriage” before she comes to term.
Wait a minute. Palin’s daughter’s pregnancy is revealed on the same day that Howard Wolfson suddenly says he has an enormous hard on for Obama? Coincidence?
oh, hey there, LauraBot! Fresh Lift?
Godless Liberal *: Yes, as opposed to suffering a miscarriage after she comes to term. Fuck all y’all.
I really feel we need to make a small donation (no more than, say, $1.50) to the RNC and/or McCain as thanks for all this rich, delicious humor.
Neilist: You are adorable.
Looks like the McLame folks decided today to get Gidget a lawyer for Troopergate since she hasn’t bothered to do that despite being under investigation now for how long?
njdon: Oh, they read Wonkette alright, otherwise there’s no way of referencing vile, scurrilous, absofuckinglutely unfounded liberal bloggery that somehow is all talking points from Hopey Central Command, in their press statements. The platinum spike of pageviews on Friday cannot be explained only by prodigal libtards coming back to the site having been diverted by graphic excesses of porn and live cross-country knitting elsewhere. There just aren’t that many basement tans out there.
njdon: (1) he’s not an average person. He has a 50 pack-year smoking history (25 years at 2 packs a day), has had stage II melanoma, and has high cholesterol. (2) even if he does have an 80% chance of living 4 years, would you accept a 20% chance that pistol-packin’ Palin becomes our Prez?
Dr. Zoidberg: I’d rather donate to Alaska Planned Parenthood, clearly they need the money.
Remember when Cheney said that as vp he was a member of the
legislative, not the executive branch? now the argument that Palin is
qualified to be vp is that she has more executive experience than
those two legislators Obama and Biden. Humorous to me.
So, the intern wrote this one. Not bad.
I’d slurp up some of the Convention KoolAde but my face is pulled so tight I don’t want to drool on my Chanel suit
Re: Trig being 4 months old, Bristol being 5 months pregnant. Uh, says who? We only have their word this girl is 5 months pregnant. You think we’re ever going to see her medical records? Now THAT’s funny. Notice how they made her just pregnant enough to not have been able to have Trig. These people should go work for the Chinese Gymnastics team.
kellygrrrl: It’s the eyes. They follow you. And hurt your gonads. It’s not that she has no soul, but rather her soul has turned inside out.
But some say it is her grin.
No liveblog for the Xanax Twins?
DC Spring: Someone’s mr. grumpy! Howabout some peanutbutter crackers and a nap?
Slightly OT, but how would you like to be George W. Bush right now? Unwelcome as the incumbent president at your own party’s convention, and, for an excuse not to attend, this guy with a–maybe–30 second attention span is forced to spend days on end furrowing his brow about whether the truckload of port-a-potties made it to Alligator’s Ass, LA.
the FEMA ice trucks have been driving around the world for three years…now they can finally give ice chips to the needy at the RNC.
echoman2000: Suppose they have an hot bottle water for the dehydrated little ones?
Vanity Smurf, I’m pretty sure the Alaskan Planned Parenthood organization was shut down by Gov. Quaylin and all abortion factories turned into prisons for hairy-legged feminists, pregnant-teens-not-related-to-the-governor, anyone in Alaska who doesn’t own a gun and other undesirables.
Vanity Smurf: win
Breaking…idiots on the streets of St. Paul. Video of anarchists smashing a window at Macy’s,video of a police horse almost crushing one guy’s skull, video of cop pepper spraying the crowd, also slashed the tires of the local FOX affiliate’s live truck.
I don’t think they’ve got the video up yet, but it will be there soon…
http://www.myfoxtwincities.com
SayItWithWookies: Levi’s last name is Ticus?
Cindy and Pickles are going to personally break the Plaquemines levee with lies and video of also lies.
You might enjoy. Before it gets lost in shuffle.
As a resident of Richland County, SC, I, for one, am glad that my security is being guaranteed by a hail of armor piercing projectiles. Now, we can storm Lexington County and take back South Congareetia, thus freeing the oppressed residents there so they can be oppressed here.
hockeymom: WORD! What kind of denial does a person (and her spouse and her extended family) need to be in to think this is an excellent time to expose our family to the entire fucking world?!
RuperttheBear: I”m not getting anything here - what is it?
I wonder if the Palin girls think you get pregnant every time you have sex.
Democratica: Damn. Let me try again. Can you hear me now?
RuperttheBear: Yawwwn. Blink. Stretch. What up? Anything happen recently? Had this weird transcendent post-partisan dream. There was like this President, chick actually, big family, great dental work, waving to the crowds in city after city from followed by these huge APCs. Ha! Dream logic, gotta love it. Looked really like change had come, even if the security detail went overboard. Then this strange bit where Congress seems to be missing one side of the aisle, like they’d agreed to take turns at holidays or something. Then these crowd scenes of people in orange suits, which didn’t make much sense since it’s fine for a t-shirt but ensembles just don’t work. Trust me, I’ve seen project runway, and they’re the experts. Usual craziness. Too much blue cheese over lunch.
DC Spring: Yesh. And all loved her and despaired. I’ve had that dream.
Neilist: I was a .50 cal gunner in the army, and we were told that using multipurpose ammo (the explosive kind) agains people was a strict no-no. And we only used multipurpose shot…
Spence: And then there’s that. A 50. cal shell will blast right through several SC tract homes. Unless SC criminals start wearing Iron Man-style personal armour when cashing bad checks and driving drunk, this is a complete waste of police funds and training. What’s worse is that, unlike our Dear Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s self-propelled howitzer, this piece of equipment might actually see some use.
http://images.jpmagazine.com/eventcoverage/154_0603_02_s+4×4_monster_trucks_chicks_truckin_nationals+sheriff_5_ton_m109.jpg
What if Sarah Palin didn’t even know that her daughter was pregnant when she was being vetted?
I mean the usual Republican M.O. would’ve been to have Bristol get married before the news leaked, either to the statutory rapist himself or to a willing surrogate (Me! Me! She’s pretty and I’m going to hell anyway.)
She’s busy with her career and a new baby. It’s quite possible that the daughter was trying to keep this hidden, with her mom’s positions on family values and all…
RuperttheBear: that chart is turning into the RickRoll of today’s threads
hockeymom: Whoa, checked the link.
Gets worse. Apparently some guy in black lobs a bottle at a bus and 150 national guard troops are required.
http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail?contentId=7334945&version=28&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1
Jaywalking with malicious intent will bring out an entire division.
Glad I had that nap.
This is just like the movie “Juneau”.
WonkaBee: I apologize? I’m just a cuddly bear.
NotthatLC: The 5-month pregnant bit is a fabrication that will be exposed once the tabloids get their checkbooks out and the local hillbillies start bumping their gums. The “rumor” of the pregnancy circulated around Alaska no less than 2 months ago, and no one ever hears that someone is 3 months pregnant. There’s something not adding up in the timeline, and that’s why they gave the “about 5 months” figure. The kid Trig might not be hers, but the betting line is that she already had the kid, the belly fat is post-partum, the baby is safely hidden from view, and there will be a faked miscarriage in the very near future, which will be blamed on the intense liberal media scrutiny and stress from the calamity she made of her mother’s promising express route to the presidency.
Well, either that or she’s 5 months pregnant, and Sarah had no clue.
Except that Sarah lives in Alaska, where everyone else knew months ago.
Perhaps there’s an innocent explanation….those over-the-counter prego tests are known to give 50% false-positives (been there, paid through the nose for it….er….)
kudzu: And if Juli wrote the headline (just guessin the editors were busy drinking by 4:00,) she’s got a very bright future ahead of her.
Ok, the pregnancy stuff is crazy, especially since I’m actually willing to give her the benefit of a doubt (this sounds a little too similar to those Obama birth certificate crazies). I really, REALLY want to believe Sarah Palin, because even if she is a Republican she seems nice and all, and she’s a lady, so there’s that. But what the fuck was up with her bizarre behavior on the day of her water breaking? I hate that she has to put up with this shit as a woman, but I really want to understand what prompted her to make these strange and dangerous decisions. The McCain campaign just needs to officially explain this shit like Obama does on his smear website, and then I’ll be satisfied. I’m sure it’s all innocuous (and I’m not just saying that like Andrew Sullivan is — I really don’t want to believe this woman is crazy).
What really should, like, DISQUALIFY her from the vice presidency, however, is that she was literally part of a political party that wanted Alaska to secede from the U.S. And she made a speech at their convention earlier this year. I cannot think of a single more damaging thing for someone to be associated with. So, as a Democrat, all I can say is that I hope McCain doesn’t pull a bait-and-switch and nominate Mitt Romney at the last second.
RuperttheBear: OMG, it’s all too disturbing. Spoke with my soothsayer and he says it was a BAD dream.. The chick President is PALIN, but for some reason her title is Empress. I don’t get this at all but I trust him. Paid 150 bucks for it too, so I mean, I’m getting quality, right?
He reckons it’s becuz I have East Nihil Virus. You folks might wanna get checked too.
Spence: Spence: You must be a Wiberal, because you’re writing about things about which you clearly are ignorant.
If the criteria for a “horrific round” is the ability to penetrate drywall, the .22 cal. Long Rifle round — usually used to kill squirrels, stray cats, and the odd hooker — qualifies.
As would virtually every center-fire rifle cartridge ever manufactured.
Save your “analysis” for things you understand, e.g., shaving your legs; Hilliary’s qualifications, etc.
Joey Ratz: You bet, Joey. And the same reasoning is why the U.S. Army has never, in its entire history, used artillery on troops.
Never.
Not once.
Because the use of explosive shells against human beings is Just Plain WRONG.
(God. It’s good to know that the average line dog is as dumb has he/she used to be.)
Oh, Joey? One other thing: Your leadership knew what it was doing.
:::Snicker:::
GO VOL ARMY!
BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE!
ARMY OF ONE!
In case anyone’s interested, the Something Awful forum goons think they’ve ID’d Levi:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2946473&pagenumber=7
How long until the press shows up at his door, do you think?
RuperttheBear: Oh no need to apologize, but in every one, the link looks different (like I remember what the last link looked like!) and the message says nothing but ‘hey look at this’
Happiness is a Warm Gun:
http://azw88.blogspot.com/2008/09/well-tedski-i-bet-we-know-what-palins.html
Here’s the happy father:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/republican_race/2008/09/01/2008-09-01_bristol_palins_pregnancy_was_an_open_sec.html
The article coos over how hunky he is and how cute Bristol is. It’s like apple pie!
From the NY Times
“The 17-year-old daughter of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is pregnant, Palin said on Monday in an announcement intended to knock down rumors by liberal bloggers that Palin faked her own pregnancy to cover up for her child.”
“Ha, ha, ha, stupid liberal bloggers! I couldn’t have been covering up her unwanted pregnancy! She already WAS unwantedly pregnant! … Wait a minute…”
Oh, those fun-loving Alaskan kids! What rascals!
It seems that some of Bristol’s former schoolmates (only a few of whom have more than one kid) were behind some of the leaks about her being pregnant.
Those scamps! Kids….gotta love ‘em (that’s printed on the Alaska flag, I believe…or is it “gotta love you some”?).
Early rumors are that she will name the baby Smeg.
Did you know the founding fathers also believed that evolution does not explain the origins of complex organs like eyes?
So what’s this about cops with a 50 cal. macheen gun? I say our heros deserve a 50 cal gun and a 3 @ 50 pension. I call it the 50 3 50 plan for American security through firepower and police pensions. Dirty Harry only had a 357 mag but he wasn’t dealing with Salvadorean Islamo facist street gangs or worse, medical marijuana users.
Just had a thought…. with Palin cranking out kids and her preggers 17 year old about to get hitched, maybe Palin is really Mitt Romney’s long lost younger sister!!!
Neilist: Not the US army. We have conscription where I come from.
“Sarah Palin thinks that the founding fathers said the Pledge of Allegiance.”
According to a single source, a blog, run by what is most likely a supporter of one of Palin’s Republican primary opponents…
I bet it is every bit as true as the “Palin role-played Desperate Housewives narrative to hide daughter’s secret baby while somehow pregnant with another baby, and don’t ask us how that works out JUST BELIEVE IT!!11!!!”
But it’s totally not OK to ask what kind of relationship Obama had to domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, because, well, Obama is untouchable. Meanwhile, let’s keep spreading malicious rumors about people we hate because they’re of the opposite party, yeay!
Douche bags.
Seixon: It was on a blog on the Guardian. You know, the respected newspaper. Yeah.