Wonkette
John McCain has bravely declared that all Republicans must put on their “American hats” and, at least for this week, pretend to care about Americans or black people or whatever. As a result, the hotels and convention center are buzzing with the most horrible kind of rumor: A whole bunch of RNC cocktail parties and coke fests are being canceled. Jesus, could anything so terrible possibly be true?
From the looks of this email we just received, for the very first party on our schedule, we’d say “Outlook not so good.” Judge for yourself:
Good afternoon,
In light of the situation along the Gulf Coast, the DNC has canceled this afternoon’s Media Welcome reception in St. Paul. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families in the region.
When I think of St. Paul, I think of parties.
Just in case everyone has NOT done their required reading for today.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/31/opinion/31dowd.html?hp
You guys may end up spending the week sitting in an Olive Garden, despondently stirring your Diet Cokes with a straw.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Yes, but: unlimited pasta!
shouldn’t it say the RNC? Or are they giving up already?
Holy carp!
Now where are you supposed to get your fix of the sweet sweet Joint Juice?
The DNC has canceled this afternoon’s Media Welcome reception?????
Misery loves company and the RNC sure has the most miserable pukes
in existence, but why would the DNC have had a social event planned?
so the first party is sponsored not by the McCheneyites but by the DNC?
That’s not a good sign for John “W” and Miss Alaska….
So, are you guys gonna go crash the Paultards party instead? My idiot roommate just got there today to go don his tinfoil hat and talk about 9/11 conspiracy theories for three days while I get the house to myself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/31/rnc-protests-police-raid_n_122787.html
It may be just as well you leave town, Wonkettes. The status quo is cracking down on humor and dissent out there in “The most livable city in America”.
I’d steer clear of invitations from the RNC Welcoming Committee
http://www.nornc.org/
Come visit Northern California!!
The senior aide also said the campaign asked the state parties “to be all very respectful” given the situation and to help raise money for various relief agencies.
How exactly do you respectfully get completely blotto, hit on all hotties and still remember to raise money for charity? Isn’t paying for hookers essentially the same thing, anyway?
katharine: Oooh! I need more details. What does one drink at a Paultard party? Is it lame to arrive by anything other than blimp? What is the dress code? Music? So far I’m imagining this except with hobbit costumes instead of pajamas.
jerryw: Maybe they were throwing a party to celebrate Mittens’ career, in an attempt to snag the disgruntled magic underpants wearing vote.
I’m not surprised. St Paul and party are two words that rarely are in the same sentence.
Wasn’t it Saint Paul of Tarsus who concocted the whole Jesus lie?
Palin Comparison: The cruelest cut of all will be when they find their schwag bags have been sent for Hurricane Relief.
Rush: Aaaah, thank-you. I’m a Grade 23 hacker with a Cray and I couldn’t get through the NYT login.
It’s now confirmed that wonkette has a fifth column in the MSM. I suspected it might be Dowd, but this confirms it. Any guesses as to her wonky handle here?
Can you sue hurricanes for inconvenience? Poor form to arrive just as the wonksters go platinum.
itgetter: I hope our editors brought cheetos, Mountain Dew, a players Handbook and their Dice Bag….otherwise they’ll never get into the Paultard parties.
I see Jesus is hittin’ the sauce again.
St. Paul’s really sort of fun (no, I don’t live there). Try the Half-Time Rec, if it still exists - it used to be a great Irish bar. They left the Christmas decor up all year.
…does this mean no homosexual, bondage, Meth fueled orgies?! What is a Republican lawmaker suppose to do?
Bush says the levee’s will be doing a heckava job, citizens seem confident.
Hurricane Sarah blew Hopey’s boat out of the water
Gustav is returning the favor to the Repubs and the Nawlinstards.
There really is a Gawd yall
So if the Teutonically-enhanced cyclone decides to park itself over Louisiana for the entire week, what then? Liquor has been paid for, right? Lobbyists had schmoozing to do. Extra-curricular airport stall usage suffers.
This is a crisis, people!
Put on their ‘American hats’? I thought you had to burn those during Republican initiation.
Um, I’m pretty sure there’s still a party… in the MSP mens room
I’m disappointed in the Republicans for ignoring yet another disaster about to befall a major city. No, I’m not talking about New Orleans. There’s mostly just a bunch of low-income, black people down there. I’m talking about the poor businessmen and women of St. Paul, posting millions in lost revenue due to the postponement of the convention. This is commerce we’re talking about here Republicans… your issue! Among the sad victims are the hoteliers, the bar and restaurant owners, the cabbies, the prostitutes as well as many other loyal capitalists, not just a bunch of voodoo-believing, crawdad-cooking, bead-begging, booby-showing sodomites. So please RNC, do not postpone the convention. Your extra dollars will help that hotel buy new, unstained sheets; help that restaurant pay off the health inspector; help that cabby get a new gun to protect himself; and help that poor prostitute get another STD test… you know you want her to get that STD test.
Everyday Gustav rages in NOLA is a day Mc 5.5 doesn’t have to spend explaining his policies. Like how he is a maverick about unconditionally supporting Dubya, and how he values a woman’s right to choose pro-life, and how Sarah a Palin is a model wife, even though he wants to stuff her muffin. Oh yeah — and about he abhors torture like he was subjected to for 5.5 mega-light-years, even though we still oughta torture anyone we don’t like, just to make sure they are not terruses or witches or Miller distibutors.
Guys, you just need to be in the know. The good parties have been moved to my room - Room 409 at the Lucky 6 motel. I gots everything there. Just send a photo to me and I’ll send you the invite