Wonkette
While your editors continue the whimsical heartland trip across Nebraska, which grows a hundred miles wider each hour, other things are happening: The terrible German-Latino hurricane, “Gustav,” is getting so big and mean that the GOP may be forced to cancel the convention so as to look concerned! You can read all the Dave Barry stuff from Denver now, because what else is there to do while driving across Nebraska? Speaking of people named “David,” we ran into a grinning David Carr walking around the Obama Stadium show, which he loved. “I love big things,” Carr said. And that was a very big thing. Go read all his Carpterbagger blog posts and especially watch the funny videos, the end.
“German-Latino” hurricane? Ken, that’s not racial transcendence!
Dave Barry Rocks.
How sad for all you Totos, you’re not in Kansas anymore.
Expect to be joined by all the folks that will be blown
by Gustav (easy now McCuckold) right out of New Orleans
this weekend.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
Sarah Palin is an expert on foreign policy with executive experience that everyone else lacks, including John McCain. She should be president of the world and the executive director of breeding and not killing retard babies.
Oh, and Nebraska generally sucks, and no one from there could have foreign policy experience because it doesn’t border the USSR which is not attacking everyone.
Oh, and in the 90’s she ruled with justice and fairness over a town that almost has 6,000 people living there.
…you guy are in Nebraska?! Make sure roll the windows up and keep the doors locked; you don’t want to be infected by “Red Staters”!
columnv: So….she was Papa Smurf?
WELCOME TO NEBRASKA from a NEb native, transferred to California, now transferred back. Swing through Lincoln, its not all as scary as pictured.
At least the beer is cold and cheap.
columnv: …yeah, and John McCain is an expert on Vietnam!
Ahh Nebraska…where Republitards meet meth labs and “sod museums”, WTF?…
First you say “Live From Denver” and then in the next breath
(and paragraph) you admit you’re in Nebraska.
Has Denver moved?
Why do you hate America so much?
columnv: Fux said it was because she is in Alaska, and that’s near Russia, so that gives her the expertise..’nuff said…
Freelance Minion: they are effete elitists, they don’t drink teh beerz, it’s Wonkatinis all the way!
loudmouthredhead: I wanted to post a picture of papa smurf, but, when I googled “papa smurf” it suggested I search for “papa smurf can i lick your arse”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXvAohycajI
freakishlystrong: Hey now, Steve “The Big Brown” Doocy’s word is law!
freakishlystrong: yeah but shes near the boring super cold part of russia, kind of like her being from the boring cold part of the US
loudmouthredhead: Douchy is doucalicious!
freppish: It won’t be boring when they start DRILLING! Then we’ll all be rich!
freakishlystrong: Douchalicious, dammit, still methed out…
Does Palin believe in breast feeding in public? I hope.
columnv: i thought you were being all wonkette snarky, but i tried it, and it’s true, it’s true. how did we miss that (what must have been a) meme? papa smurf arse. heh.
That “Sod House Museum” looks a lot like a barn.
gurukalehuru: hahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahaha. you made me laugh in my basement.
Hey, she can arrange for us to drill for oil in Alaska!
The natives will welcome us with flowers!
Gas will be ten cents a gallon!
We can all afford to live like Republicans!
Well, except for that part about electing shit head morons.
Can’t have it all, where would you keep it?
Oh wait, there’s lots of room in Alaska, the new closet for America!
Careful, Layne. Just stay in the car. No wisecracks to the nice people behind the counter. Nice and easy. Maybe one pickle out of the giant barrel by the door.
Oh, and the Hurricane? That at least stopped Jindal and Perry from showing up. You owe something to the Gustav, no?
Also, what’s up with Charlie Christ’s “fiancee”? Dumped. Outta the house. Farewell my concubine?
I drove through Nebraska once. That’s 276 million hours of my life I won’t ever get back.
It’s probably worse with the youngins’ in the car chirping “are we there yet?” every 20 minutes. I’m looking at you, SKS and Newell!
Having been through Nebraska several years ago, I can say it had the bumpiest interstate in the whole country, and the Platte was but a disappearing trickle. Only in cowboy movies is it still dangerous to ford.
On the bright side, I bet you’re seeing a lot of TruckNutz on the road in Nebraska.
I expected liveblogging from The House of Sod. Details??!?!?!
So Doocy and Faux will approve a Treasury Secretary pick of a supermarket check-out operator because they know how to work a till?
Ken: Look, Sara, here we are crossing the Missouri. Big Mo! The Mighty Missoo. The Big Muddy. The Lewis and Clark highway.
Jim: When we get to Iowa, can we sing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” again?
Sara: Are we there yet, are we there yet?
Ah yes. Nebraska. On a road trip to California, right before moving here, my friend filled our gas tank with diesel at 6 o’clock in the morning right der in good ‘ol Nebraska. People looked at us like we were fucking terrorists, and 4 hours and $400 later, there was gasoline in the tank. Fuck Nebraska. Have fun on the longest, straightest and most conformed road in the country: I-80.
The sacrifices you make Wonkette. Why?
Can someone explain to me why Gustav would affect the GOP convention? From what I recall from geography, Minnestota is not in redneck land. Correction. Not in Southern redneck land - they have their own variety of rednecks up there.
If they cancel the convention how can they bring their collective praying power together in one place to prevent Gustav and concentrate on that lighting bolt on Biden so Barry will have to give us girl-on-girl VP debate action?
Dude, you’re still in Nebraska? Denver-Omaha shouldn’t take more than 6.5 hours.
Iowa can be a different story. Last time I was there, a deer tried to assassinate me and the lady-friend.
Regardless. My father used to pride himself on 18.5 hour runs from Minneapolis to Denver and vice versa. Buckle down and stop stopping every time one of the peons whines. Remember: trucker bombs aren’t just terroristical weapons, they’re also oh-so-pragmatic.
Looks like you guys are gonna have to find a new place to stay in St Paul. Too bad. I hear hippie communes are fun.
looks like someone’s trying to trap themselves a Tweety or a Goldberg.
The only good thing about driving across that wasteland known as Nebraska is that it makes the drive across that wasteland known as Iowa seem a smidge shorter. No. Sleep. Til. Quad Cities!
Oh No! Not Wonkette in Nebraska! A curse I’d wish on noone. And, of course, I live there. Ick.
I heard on Rush Limbaugh that if Obama is elected, the Department of the Interior is going to change the official name of female mosquitos to ‘hosquitos’ (males, of course, will be ‘brosquitos’).
Is this true?! WAKE UP ARTHROPODS!
user-of-owls: Good thing he’s not a racist cocksucker, huh?
Gopherit v2.0: Um, ok. So actually I didn’t hear it. But I have this friend…
user-of-owls: I wonder why the lib MSM isn’t all over this!!! I mean, how the fuck do you tell the diffrence between male and female mosquitoes!!!!
Nebraska? You lose a bet or something?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Borat: It’s all about the teevee, naturally. If there’s a terrorist hurricane attacking New Orleans during the convention, nobody will watch the convention.
After all, which sounds more interesting to you? Watching John McCain remind us over and over that being a POW made him immune to all criticism, or watching some idiot weatherman in a rain slicker being knocked around by 150 mph winds? You know what the bitters will be watching.
It’s all fake empathy on the GOP’s part.
Am I the only one that’s amused that when the fundies prayed for rain to disrupt Obama’s speech Thursday, it seems like they got a hurricane to disrupt the Republican convention?
Well, you folks [b]did[/b] ask for rain…
Peasant: So how’d you get to be President?
McSame: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held forth the sword Excalibur from the waters and beat me with the flat side of it for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, thus signifying that I should be yer Presnit.
GOP State Senator from Alaska:
“She’s not prepared to be Governor. How could she be VP or President?”
http://www.adn.com/news/politics/story/510249.html
gurukalehuru: Is that what it says? “Sod House”? I thought it said “500 House Museum” and was run by John and Cindy Walnuts…
Michael Bauser: The Repub-spigots know that teevee cutting back and forth between them and Gustav is not poetry they can believe in. They survive on ignoring the sufferings of people: You know, let them eat yellow cake. This doesn’t maintain the message for the Repub-snot Brand™. In fact the Demtards should call them on it if they postpone or don’t get involved. I hope Hopey & Joey hightail it down there to help BEFORE it strikes. Of course Dubya has promised Fed $ now and behaving like “Hey, see! See! I am helping out!” as if Katrina never happened.
Divine Intervention (or Retribution or mere fate depending on your point of view).
kellygrrrl: oooh sweet…
“The reaction wasn’t so rosy elsewhere. State Senate President Lyda Green said she thought it was a joke when someone called her at 6 a.m. to give her the news.
‘She’s not prepared to be governor. How can she be prepared to be vice president or president?’ said Green, a Republican from Palin’s hometown of Wasilla. “Look at what she’s done to this state. What would she do to the nation?”
The picture at the top of this article is priceless: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/30/us/politics/30palin.html?_r=2&em&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
Monica Crowley just said Palin was “Ronald Regan in a skirt”.
Just found an awesome inaugural hair clip for the big day so she’ll really be appropriately attired this time.
http://www.dressytresses.com/hair/gallery/instruct/hair-claw-updo/
grendel: I’ve been in love with that picture all day. The caption should say: “…and this, America, is what I would do to you should you elect me.”
RooseveltFranklin: You silly! Sarah will use a REAL bear claw ripped from one of the many grizzlies she will have slaughtered the weekend before.
Whiskeybaby: You are so right. And she can totally BeDazzle it herself!
McCain/Insane ‘08
I like how she accused her ex-brother-in-law of shooting a moose without a license. Meeeoooww! The best thing about her is she has doomed McCain’s chances. He must be suffering the worst case of appointer’s remorse.
Fellow Wonketters, what a monumental week and I have had little time for teh Wonkette, or anything else but work.
All I can say is I am so proud the democrats found their TruckNutz and displayed them with pride. I may get me some, so that I too can have of the same ballsiness.
Ken, remember lotsa folks have teh guns in Nebraska. Don’t go sticking your head in any barns, They are not as friendly as airport bathroom stalls.
grendel: OK, I can understand taking your lunch back to your office to eat, but please, use a freaking tray!
“Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), who chaired a House panel that investigated the response to Hurricane Katrina, said that lessons clearly were learned from that catastrophe, and noted that the Bush administration was moving quickly…
‘Smart politicians can use crises as an opportunity,’ Davis said, adding that the White House had the chance ‘of wiping Hurricane Katrina from people’s minds a little bit by how they react this time.’”
I like that they are explicit about their goal of making people forget about Katrina.
I seriously hope a year from now we are all sitting in the basements of our mansions, laughing and reminiscing about the time when that guy Walnuts picked that Alaskan chick for VP. Oh, how we’ll laugh! Unless, of course, we are instead working the mines of Moria, or whatever the results of a McCain/Insane Lady administration would have us doing…
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0808/Buchanan_Palin_was_a_brigader_for_me_in_96.html
How will this play in Boca Raton???
Only a neanderthal like Buchanan could refer to a 44 year-old woman who is running for VP as a “terrific gal”.
This is also a good one to send to your grandparents and the other Republicans in your address book.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNmn2dmU16Q
grendel: me too! I spent a few minutes wondering if there were even 500 houses in Nebrasssskuh. And how McCain could have them all. Glad I wasn’t the only one.
just think. you coulda chosen kansas to go thru instead.
I-80 is pretty boring and straight, but can’t believe a Californian who’d ever driven on I-5 between the grapevine and Tracy would complain! BTW, can we expect any video of the Wonketeers sodding off in the sod house museum? Seems like a no-brainer.
Scooter: I-5 sucks balls, but it’s only like 9 hours from bottom to top. I-80 is like forever.
Whiskeybaby: See my post on sep thread: Nov 19 roundup, prison ships, and Wonkettinis with the terrists.
Oh the stories we will tell! Rendition really IS extraordinary!
Except orange doesn’t suit my basement tan. If only they’d change from Tangerine Lurid to Hillary Convention - Fucked It Up and Proud Tone, that might be better. Feel a letter to DoJ coming on. If they can find time to reply after dealing with the backlog of 900 whistleblower cases, that most def be AWESOME.
columnv: “I mean, how the fuck do you tell the diffrence between male and female mosquitoes!!!!”
The massive penis is a dead giveaway. Of course, the mosquito has nothing on the common housefly in the peepee-size department, but it’s impressive nonetheless.
I read this during my five years in prison. Oh, no, it was during that weekend in Nebraska. I keep getting those two experiences confused for some reason. Must… try… harder… to… keep… them… straight.
As to Gustav wrecking the GOP function up north, I think WALNUTS doesn’t want to listen to five and a half weeks of why the Repubs sipped Champagne while Louisiana again went into the drink. If they are smart (and the Palin thing makes me wonder) they’ll wrap it up Monday and Tuesday, skip the infomercial part and head home (or the nearest trailer park church). That means they don’t have to let Bush speak, etc. The nominees are nominated Monday night, they both accept Tuesday night and head for Whereever, Louisiana to begin nailing houses back together with Harry Connick and the Brangelina brood. The nets won’t like it for about 20 minutes then they’ll remember they have left over episodes of “My Fat Ass” and “Who Wants to Marry a PUMA”. My idol Andy Cooper has already declared that “there’s enough media” at the convention, so he will be in Louisiana wearing a (wet) t-shirt two sizes too small. I know what I’ll be watching.
Canuckledragger: don’t you mean 5 and 1/2 years in prison?
shortshortshorts: Yes, I agree that America is incoveniently large. Pity we can’t trade places with Panama so we could have two brilliant coasts without all that boring shit in the middle.
Freelance Minion: Lincoln? I thought the name had been changed to Hussein?
“The terrible hurricane is getting so that the GOP may be forced to cancel the convention…”
Forty-foot tidal waves churning northward up the Mississippi from the gulf coast, carrying with it the debris and detritus of Nawlins, Memphis, St Louis and Dubuque…..please be careful, migrating Wonkettes. Steer clear of all levees and Cracker Barrel and Bob Evans Restaurants!!
FOX News is broadcasting this emergency alert; apparently the war gods and horseladies of the apocalypse are happy with this week’s political developments, sending upon us a plague of statuesque proportions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fab2Mi1xJY&feature=related
Outstando: Mmm, this is the redemption song, “we did not fk this up with horrific incompetence, loss of life and a major national city”. All is well, go back to sleep my darling base, we’ll wake you when it’s time to enter the diebold machines once more. Sarah is here for whatever your wishes, and knows well what the infantilized need. Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight New Orleans, goodnight constitution, goonight sneetches with no stars upon thars.
Nobody expects the barometric imposition.
Nagin just ordered NO evacuated:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7590332.stm
OHH! One other thing.
Blow off the GOP convention wind up, stay a couple days, STYX is playing the state fair Monday.
Come on, a bunch of sad 40-somethings belting out “Mr. Roboto” would STILL have to be less scary that the Paultard counter-convention.
Farewell New Orleans. If this jogs east even a bit, man, that’s it. I’m watching the Nagin news conference. I didn’t realize they had public services presently. Hmmm…The lord is punishing the land for the McCain decision. Sad.
Borat: Latest word is that the Republocrat cornvention will become a love fest of prayer and forgiveness for the lower classes who brought these hurricanes upon theyselves. McExxon will helicopter over the disaster zone and look presidential (remember that thoughtful 9/11 portrait of Shrub gazing out the window of his flying fortress?) as he gazes down prayerfully upon the destitute and demented.
Instead, delegates will be asked to stay home or volunteer at food banks and refugee shelters; their delegate seats will be auctioned off to multinational corporations. Enough money will be raised to bribe the entire electoral college. Cheney…sorry, I mean Walnuts! will be president for even less time than Wm. Henry Harrison, and next we’ll have that Inuit woman from the Bering straights as our first female president; she’ll launch war simultaneously on the Siberian oil fields and Al Gore, and the new golden age will dawn.
So drive carefully through Omaha tonight, Ken, Jim and Sara. Lights off, don’t use the horn or turn signals, just get into Iowa as quickly as you can. The Pacifica news radio network - Jihadist “free” media phreaks - is reporting police raids on video and activist individuals and groups in St. Paul. Maybe stop in Enenezer and buy some Mennonite clerical garb; you should be able to slip into Twin Cities unmolested. Godspeed!!!!!
Oscar Folsom Cleveland: I swear to dog, I can no longer stand by. Our discussion must however remain privy to only the Library of Congress cos those futury damned dirty apes will get their ghastly primitive opposable thumbs, on it…
I herewith notify the Wonkette Executive Branch that given the risk you insist on taking in the limo, against the commenterers better judgment, you have been placed under top secr*t (no, shut up about it) commenterer special psychic protection. We got all thinky, and this sounded like the best option. We tried some OMMM, but it didn’t really seem to hold, like Condi in Georgia. The kumbaya made us all look like, um, phalluses.
But we were energized! Go the base. So we had a virtual hug and thinky around Bob Mould’s Could You Be the One. Awww, guys, the outpouring!!! Monster result. Group award. Plaudits!!!
But no, you can take off the tinfoil hats. You should be safe. Any large dark cloud just say “Palinfailincadabra” and the genie will join the crew. Be aware, he’s thirsty.