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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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162 comments

  1. Christastic

    He’s a secret metrosexual…Times 10 Zillion?!?! The gayer than 100 billion San Franciscos!!! That mad man! He must be stopped!!!

  2. Canuckledragger

    Never trust a man with the given name Todd. It’s an abbrev. for “Too odd.”

    Swearsies.

  3. twoeightnine

    Considering his wife spends 9 months out of every year knocked up this wouldn’t surprise me.

  4. RuperttheBear

    Is this a backdoor to the Mormons? I don’t mean an anal thing. I mean . . .

    No, I mean something anal, but I can’t put my finger on it. In it.

    Eeewww.

  5. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=76076]RuperttheBear[/re]: You know, if there’s nothing to her purported Mormonism, we should make it so through the intertubes. I’ve heard so many people wonder out loud today if she is.

    I just thinks the Palins like knocking boots, but she don’t mind being 9 months out of the running. It’s when she gets all the guvmen’s work done. Oh, sorry, “guvmyn.”

    (Don’t wanna offend any Feminists for Life PUMA’s out there.)

  6. itgetter

    I can’t wait for the season finale when Sarah Palin, distraught over her husband’s four thousand zillionth affair, finds comfort in the arms of her elderly partner in nation-ruining. Enter Cindy, who knew all along that Johnny was going to trade her in for a younger model some day. She divorces him, leaving him with only half of his however many houses. WALNUTS will lie about his affair under oath, but it will not matter because FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!

  7. nietzscheprojectile

    Well. I believe the Eskimo has been highly under represented in Republican sex scandals. It’s about time for some parity. That is change I can believe in.

  8. Texan Bulldoggette

    Little R. Hen must give details. Besides who could blame the guy; 2 months of listening to that accent & a moose call would be more sexy.

  9. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    I think WALNUTS! is going to bed tonight knowing he made a big mistake. But because of his advanced age, Cindy is only using the cat-o six-tails to redden his sorry droopy ass instead of the full nine.

  10. wheelie

    It was a harrowing night for Sarah Palin, that time when the doctor approached her and said, “I’m sorry Sarah, he’s retarded”, and she said, “But he’s just offered me the VP job.”

  11. Norbert

    great horny toads! has anyone considered pairing off her children with those of Mittens? 5 AND A HALF Sisters for 5 AND A HALF Brothers! or something like that. Tag and Trig and Fig and Donner and Blitzen oh my

  12. Vanity Smurf

    Well, there’s nothing to do in cold, dark Alaska most of the year except fuck.

    I want to know how many of his illegitimate babies are black.

  13. Delicious

    Newt is on the phone with Fox saying Obama “flinched” when he picked Biden.

    And there’s no politics in McCain picking Palin.

    Now he’s saying women have a reason to fight for Palin.

    Right. Moose stew. No abortions. Creationism in schools (or is that home skool?).

    Why am I watching Fox?

  14. sarcasticusername

    i hope not, the last thing the dems need is for her to score the sympathy vote that hill had a lock on till now.

  15. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    It’s been four months since this this evangelical baby machine spat out her last spawn. Theoretically she could dump another one in February. McCaine could tear the placenta off with his yella teeth. I think we are on to a new narrative here, politically. It’s working.

  16. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Ten zillion, you say? By complete coincidence, that’s the precise population of the People’s Republic of China.

    So, if my pubiuc skool edukashun math is correct, Toad Palin=Johnny Edwards x 10 zillion=China population=China Big Daddy Palin.

    Could somebody check my work, please?

  17. Norbert

    has anyone seen the photos on the front of the nytimes site yet? there is one of Alpine Trash checking McCain’s buns out! and another of Cindy jumping between the two of them and begging for Walnuts!’ attention and he is about to call her something mean

  18. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    This is exactly the kind of tough, resilient candidate you need to counter an illiterate wuss like Joe Biden.

  19. loquaciousmusic

    Ken et al., if you can find video of Sarah in a swimsuit competition, I will be forever in your debt.

  20. hatlesshead

    With the shortage of humans in Alaska you know this is all about butt secks with mooses and bears and even (gawd can I say it) bald eagles…

  21. Norbert

    mr. or mrs. R. Hen, we need photos of Mr. Palin holding up some of his lovechildren in a Motel-6 just outside of Gnome

  22. kellygrrrl

    Cindy Lou vetted Virgin Sarah at the makeover party.
    Mkkkain was night-night, natch
    they picked some great new lenses and got a little botox and lip fillers

    it’s all good in Barbie land

  23. twoeightnine

    [re=76120]Norbert[/re]: Can I just say that I love the caption on that photo.

    Gov. Sarah Palin, second from left…

    Besides the fact that she’s technically third from left because of the cameraman/woman, the other person on the left might just be a tad bit too young to run for VP. Though just as qualified.

  24. Canuckledragger

    Fact is, in many – if not most – fundy-mental marriages, it’s the man who wears the pants. Which makes it interesting to note that, well before today’s announcement, Hot Toddy was being bruited by Alaskan media as the “Shadow Governor,” demanding from behind the throne that his wife do shit.

    http://www.andrewhalcro.com/shadow_governor

    Then there’s the small fact that Hot Toddy’s not even a registered Repub. He’s an “undeclared.” Gee, if a woman’s been the Republican Governor, and she can’t even convince her husband to join her party, what does that say about her [lack of] persuasiveness?

  25. accidental_tourist

    Johnny finally found him a woman who’d strip down for Miss Buffalo Chip or Miss Moose Droppings or whatever. Not like that prissy Cindy.

    I must be kinda psychic. On this very site I predicted that McCain is too vain to choose a younger, smarter man with a head full of hair for VP. I predicted months ago he would pick Palin to teach that c*** Cindy a lesson about her “prenups.”

    Palin’s short time in governing is already knee-deep in corruption. This should be fun.

  26. mookworthjwilson

    [re=76147]Canuckledragger[/re]: Until this year Walnuts! couldn’t convince Tubby Magoo to be an R, and even then he had to have Cindy drag her down to the courthouse…

  27. itgetter

    If anyone missed the Daily Show tonight, you’ve got to catch it during one of its eighty-five billion repeats tomorrow. Not only did Jon and Sam Bee destroy Palin, but toward the end a very surprised Anderson Cooper almost gets raped by Rob Riggle. It is pretty damn fantastic.

  28. cal

    I for one am glad that Ms. Palin will be bringing her experience as a runner-up beauty contestant and former model to the White House.

    One of her projects as First Lady can be a Girls of the White House calendar.

  29. gliberal

    The revenge of Hillary the Auntie Christ. My husband can fuck little boys if I get to fuck the rest of the country.

  30. Terry

    [re=76063]Christastic[/re]:

    Metrosexual in Anchorage or Juneau means that he occasionally wears something other than flannel shirts, jeans, and heavy boots.

  31. serj!

    [re=76094]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Is sex all you straight people think about??? For god’s sake this woman could very well help lead to the destruction of the planet and all you can think about is how freakin hot she is??? I mean Barry’s hot, too, but at least he’s not a fundie moose-eating wingnut!

  32. CanadianBacon

    Eskimos live in houses they make by carving blocks out of snow and they reproduce by rubbing noses. Eskimos get rid of their elderly by abandoning them on ice flows. Hopefully global warming will not melt all of the ice too soon.

  33. S.Luggo

    Not true. This is a scurrilous, vile rumor promulgated by Republican National Committee in order to disguise Sarah’s lesbo love, bi-sensual affair with Lindsey Lohan.

    I hope that I have cleared this up. No, don’t thank me, America. Just doing my job.
    — Romney
    See you in 2012.

  34. mookworthjwilson

    so with the husband issues and the possible fake pregnancy, is it possible that in a couple of weeks we find out that Sarah Palin is actually an old Inuit term meaning Thomas Eagleton???

  35. hrhkingfriday

    [re=76067]Canuckledragger[/re]: For real. My college had a guy universally known as “Sketchy Todd” or “Creepy Todd”. DC peeps, you know who I’m talking about.

  36. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=76126]loquaciousmusic[/re]: You don’t want to see Sarah in a swim suit, unless tree trunk legs are your taste. Now, Lisa Murkowski…..rrrrrrrroooowwwwwwwwwwwrrrrr……boing.

  37. hockeymom

    I thought there wasn’t a female politician more heinous than Michelle Bachman.
    Clearly, I was wrong.

  38. ManchuCandidate

    I’m laughing. Seriously laughing.

    It’s one thing to be a poon hound, but it’s oh so much better to be a FUNDIE poon hound.

    Sarah Palin could be the greatest gift of snark ever bestowed upon us ever. Greater than the Paultards or Larry Craig, I shit you not. If the stories are proven true then Walnuts vetted a fundie loon with a poon hound oil man hubbie who covered up the love child of her incestuous teenagers. How the fuck can you top that?

  39. Jingo

    Sarah Palin WILL be the first female President of the US, and not because McCain is already overdue for a good embalming. She and her husband will secretly get him fired like they do to all who dare cross them. Apparently they are actually a gubernatorial tag team that both enjoy abuse of power… That would be so hot if he were another MILF and they were into leather and whips. But alas, they’re both just petty jerks:

    http://www.andrewhalcro.com/search/node/todd+palin

  40. obfuscator

    Pro-drilling in ANWR

    Anti-choice

    Pro-Iraq War

    If she were a self-hating closeted homosexual Old White Man, she’d be the prototypical modern Republican.

  41. DC Spring

    Commenterers, you have taken yr eye off the ball.

    The fundamental value of this selection is that it gives us months upon months of commentary potential. I’m totally with MachuCandidate @11:59 on this.

    God bless America. God bless the GOP. God bless snarkitude going platinum.

    I’m feeling pretty perky right now. Oh, oh, bring on the Beauty and the Beast meme…

  42. PentagonBookkeeper

    [re=76147]Canuckledragger[/re]:
    Damn y’all. There’s a whole lotta shit going on way North to Alaska.

    This is one of the best “Shadow Governor” posts:
    “Do you think we are all stupid? This governor’s lies have finally caught up with her and people want answers and the TRUTH for a change. The missing 78 pages of emails should be a start—what are you hiding? Well, perhaps we should all just call TODD and ask him what was in all those emails, eh?”

  43. llyn

    [re=76110]Delicious[/re]: Yes, why are you watching Fox? Is your blood pressure dangerously low? Is your thinking all too clear?

  44. Strictly for the Tardcore

    [re=76194]DC Spring[/re]: “But if anyone else calls you Beast… I’ll tear their eyes out.” –Johnny WalNUTS!

  45. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Not only is Toad Palin a full-bloodied 37% native American, hailing from the Wiki pik’me’up tribe of Egakarak Lagoon, but Sarah Heather Ledgerette Palin, née Barracuda, is herself descended from a proud line of the original discoverers of the Northwest Passage to China!!

    http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinVikings.jpg

    Sarah Jessica Praline and her common law husband Toad have a large and growing family, the original members of which are named for fascinating junctures in family herstory: Trick, Brilcreme, Pillow, Pipestem and Trigonometry. Now that the twins, triplets and adopted babies have joined the happy brood – not to mention various strays and tribal giveaways – the family of America’s next (vice) president has grown larger than One Observatory Circle will be able to accommodate.

    (Lynne Cheney predicts that with all the observatory wildlife killed off by January, there should be plenty of room for pup tents, FEMA trailers and underground bunkerspace in time for the next administration.)

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/images/2007/07/23/crowd_front_470x350.jpg

  46. Vanity Smurf

    [re=76194]DC Spring[/re]: Both a little scared, neither one prepared, Beauty and the Beast.

  47. SpecialHorse

    I’m sitting here watching the Republicans getting all excited about what a great campaigner Palin’s going to be. Suddenly it occurred to me that these are the same people who thought that Fred Thompson was going to be their savior.

  48. obfuscator

    From being the mayor of an Alaskan town boasting a population of NEARLY 5500 to sitting a heartbeat away from being Commander-in-Chief of The United States Armed Forces in less than 5 years? Quite an accomplishment… holy shit.

  49. dilhavarti

    Hey. Wasn’t she the white chick in the Limo of that Dolemite movie? She’s pretty hot, 4-real.

  50. Harmless

    So there are 20 zillion Americas now? Can I move to the one where Sarah Palin does not have to outmaneuver Vladimir Putin?

  51. S.Luggo

    [re=76194]DC Spring[/re]: Recall William Henry Harrison, our one momth President. His successor was the Jacksonian Whig governor of Virginia John Tyler, who had no politcal base and thus was not nominated president after the end of Harrison’s term.

    The end of party succession after Tyler put political discourse beyond the realm of debate and into the pure realm of Northern manufacturing influence vs. Southern agrarian production [if I might be so cynical], and punted the question of states’ rights and slavery in the new territories, after much compromise [mainly by the abolitionist Congressional forces], eventually into Buchanan’s lap. JMO.

  52. S.Luggo

    [re=76209]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]:
    “Not only is Toad Palin a full-bloodied 37% native American, hailing from the Wiki pik’me’up tribe of Egakarak Lagoon, but Sarah Heather Ledgerette Palin, née Barracuda, is herself descended from a proud line of the original discoverers of the Northwest Passage to China!!”
    Enron?

  53. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    [re=76219]Democratica[/re]: Thank goodness for Secret Service protection – she’s about to be attacked by a robot-controlled Bolshevik crab!

  54. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    [re=76192]obfuscator[/re]: “If she were a self-hating closeted homosexual Old White Man, she’d be the prototypical modern Republican.”

    Yeah, Biden’s gonna sock it to her on that issue alone, just watch.

    “You’re no Republican. I knew Larry Craig, and you’re no Larry Craig.”

  55. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    [re=76090]itgetter[/re]: Please call, collect. I’d like to fund your screenplay for ABC next fall.

  56. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    [re=76088]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: “purported Mormonism”?????

    Sixty-three children and all of ‘em running around the house nekkid, yelling “Whur’s mah sacred magick underwear??!!”

    Just think of the poor woman’s laundry bill. Or the hard work rubbing them templewear on the rocks of Ki’ki’kik’me’up Lagoon. Whew.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsXzHLiHTOU

  57. Destonio

    Hate to ask: Shouldn’t she be spending more time with her kids? I mean … family values and shit.

  58. Destonio

    I will give her props for getting that fat crook Murkowski out of office. He was venal. Appointed his daughter to the U.S. Senate.

  59. Vanity Smurf

    [re=76234]Destonio[/re]: I wouldn’t give her much credit, it was a fourgy in the primary.

  60. gurukalehuru

    The scary thing is McCain could win just by dying, or like pretending to, thus raising false hopes.
    Come January, it’s all like “Haha, it was only a cold” and we’re stick with the senile old war-monger after all.

  61. shortsshortsshorts

    I think Sarah is like my favorite candidate ever. “I was just your average hockey mom.” “I got involved in the PTA.” “And then elected as mayor to a huge area of land with no people (paraphrased),” “Ethics commissioner for oil drilling in Alaska,” (supporter of ANWAR), “I stood up to the old politics as usual,” as she is running with Walnuts, “We are working on a 40 to 50 billion dollar pipeline to bring America energy independence.”

  62. shortsshortsshorts

    The only place that takes more federal funding per capita than Ron Paul country, is our conservative friend in the north. The Alaskan Gold Rush is to blame for Palin. It is also the reason there is a Ron Paul. DAMN YOU GOLD RUSH.

  63. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    You know, I don’t believe any exclusives unless they have an animated gif of a police light flashing next to them.

  64. lumpenprole

    OK, more than likely this is an emperor-has-no-clothes-Harriet Miers moment, but 1) McCain is scary infirm. 2) Muslim, Socialist olive-aficionado Cold War FRANKIE SAY Vote McCain.
    …now I go back to mixing wine and wheat and potato

  65. Itsjustme

    New word and a new phrase from the Repubs. “Dismissive” and “She is the most popular Governer in the Country.” I heard this from 3 different sources last night. Oy, get something new! How about in 2006 she was for the “Bridge to nowhere?” But alas, I now have a new person to hate.

  66. badco/LoJ

    [re=76274]Itsjustme[/re]: “Executive experience” is a new talking point too.

    I wonder about this pregnancy thing. Her water broke in Texas and she got on a plane to Alaska to have the kid there? Isn’t that kind of improbable and dangerous? Shit, by the fifth one don’t they pop out like uterus Pez anyway?

  67. shoeho

    [re=76281]badco/LoJ[/re]: Well, if that’s what happened it’s pretty stoopid, yeah. Shows a disregard for the welfare of the kid, especially since she already knew it was a SN’s baby. Last I heard, they do have pretty good hospitals in Texas. The pressure changes on an airplane could be a problem for a newborn. Her doc supposedly said the water broke/leaked (same thing by most OB’s) but she was NOT in active labor and was induced when she got back to ANC. I’m calling it a 50/50 shot the kid’s not hers.

  68. DoctorCulturae

    [re=76194]DC Spring[/re]:
    Yes Palin brings a wealth of potential prime snark. But I suggest that her name on the ticket is, as been mentioned, made not to engage the Hilz Bittterz, but to shore up and energize the fundy wingnut base. Mentioning the Hilz Bitters is a bit of Rovian distraction to irritate, and destabilize the left. The funides are the Dubya/Rovian morass of humanity that eludes understanding by those of us in the elites. Hopesman has made strides to keep them in contention.

    Nevertheless the same old cycle is shaping up:

    1) The MSM & we libtards will have a feast taking time to ogle, investigate, and snark this “more fun” story
    2) a lot of air time and attention will be absorbed on her “story,” and her “assets” (as it were)
    3) The Fundy Bitterz will grow to defend and identify with “The Hawt Hockeymom”
    4) The MSM level rational charges against her.
    5) The Fundies and Faux News hounds not only do not care, but become more energized.
    6) The MSM & libtards are surprised rationality is not working.
    7) McFeign is sworn in

    My fellow Wonketteers, our task is great: to snark as we have never snarked before, thus breaking this cycle. It must be clear. It must be decisive. It must be relentless.

  69. RooseveltFranklin

    Well, Mrs. Garrett certainly showed strong judgement in naming the miracle baby:
    Earlier this year, Palin joked to a Daily News reporter that “we’ve always liked the middle name Van because, you know, growing up in the ’80s, Van Palin would be a really cool name.”

  70. mitch_philbin

    Let’s see, if hubby is off drillin’, and mommy is off governin’, who’s runnin’ the house?

  71. Canuckledragger

    Yet another sign the Repubs realize they’re piloting a Titanic. New ad times buys in “safe” Red states:

    http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/08/source_mccain_significantly_ex.php

    Now, with the pretext of Gustav, the Repubs will postpone their convention, allowing more time for the Palin news to sink in, more time to explain to Palin what a Veep “does all day,” more time for McCain to disburse his primary cash [which must be done prior to formal acceptance of the nom], and more time for them to brainstorm how they’re gonna steer the Titanic toward friendlier waters.

    Full steam ahead, Juan.

  72. badco/LoJ

    [re=76282]shoeho[/re]: Hey, MSNBC is about to break the pregnancy story – after this commercial break. “What the blogosphere is saying…”

  73. Strictly for the Tardcore

    [re=76254]regisgoat[/re]: Wow, and I thought my ref would be completely forgotten. Awesome.

    I just thought of this… how can the Sarahcuda possibly fight the “political establishment” when the Republican party has BEEN the political establishment for the last eight years, nevermind her “I’m in the first year of my first term as governer, tee hee” thang going on? I’m shocked that the rightey pundits are nailing her “maverick” credentials or whatever…

    Yes, I realize that this was the most obvious observation to make, but I was distracted by her resemblance to Tina Fey, and the covered-up incestuous pregnancy.

  74. STD_Nurse_Ratched

    So strikingly handsome Todd has not been satisfied eating caribou meat on the North Slope? Is it Rig Rats(skanky women on the prowl in oilfields)
    Say it ain’t so! Report to the clinic ASAP – you naughty, naughty boy.

  75. 102415

    Hey, when do we start seeing the pictures of the dead wolf puppies? And when do we start mentioning she was only co-mayor of a gated community? Just remember that beauty queens are competitive and have been known to use poison to win. Maybe she will fall down? Can she name all the states in america without using a Bush wire to get the answers? Brillant choice. Must go now and buy more gold and gasoline.

  76. Scooter

    I’m thinkin’ that teenage-pregnancy-coverup story may have legs. Meanwhile, those bearskin and minkcollar pics have lost the PETA voters!! Isn’t how funny how right-to-lifers so seldom want to extend that right to anything but human fetuses?

  77. springfield_meltdown

    So does anyone know if she wants to teach Hebrew creation story (ie Adam and Eve) or the Inuit creation story in public schools?

  78. DoctorCulturae

    [re=76306]Scooter[/re]: As Barney Franks has said, the Repubtard interest in the sanctity of human life extends all the way from conception to birth.

  79. superfecta

    I’m just waiting for Todd’s male lovers to come forward – I’m told it’s general knowledge in Alaska that he’s open to anything.

  80. DC Spring

    [re=76283]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Hoo yeah, solidarityness. I’ve just checked a bunch of links and swear to dog this is going to be the gift that keeps on giving.

    But Biden chewing her over is going to totally energize the GOP base. He’s really going to have to work up Tough but Gentlemanly.

  81. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    The consensus seems to be that McPain really spilled the apple sauce with this one.

  82. professor.cj

    Gail Collins line for the Biden debate “I know Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton is a friend of mine, and governor, you’re no Hillary Clinton” is a fair riot for Gail.

    Too bad Ann Richards is so old–that would have been a much more fun fight to watch… Because, well she knows stuff, and has done stuff. And stuff.

    Geraldine Ferraro was gushing this morning on Faux news that she was driving to the beach with her husband and heard Palin’s speach, and in it was the first time anyone has publicly thanked her for her efforts in 25 years (& blah etc), but that she still wasn’t going to vote for her. Funny.

  83. loudmouthredhead

    Now, it’s hard to satisfy teh ghey checklist for this gent, but still:
    He is a SEAMAN on a fishing vessel, and catches crabs A LOT, despite going out there supposedly for salmon.
    I don’t know…I’ll still be waiting for a story involving a bathroom stall and/or a moose and/or Ted Stevens before my verdict is in.

    Actually even funnier is that he advocated skipping college for Alaskan men so they could go get even better training(!) in the oil/gas industry. Oh, and there’s ABSOLUTELY no conflict of interest in his current working for BP, because it’s a non-management position.

  84. Schadenfried

    [re=76191]Jingo[/re]: Somebody posted this in the comments section:

    “I have known Sarah as long as many who have see her in action as mayor. It is disturbing that over the years her behavior and reaction to trouble and crisis is the same….. (1)FIRST, make yourself a savior and reformer (2) NEXT, bully and control those who do not comply (3) LASTLY, cry “victim” and deflect blame to other people when caught in a lie.”

    Great, typical Republican tactics, and use of female sterotypes. Well, as long the Lifetime gets the movie rights.

  85. loudmouthredhead

    [re=76279]WestEdEd[/re]: When you have THAT many babies and you’re pro-life, odds are they’ll start poppin’ ‘em out too. Oh, and probably at a younger age, since I’m sure they use abstinence only-sex ed way up thar. Of course, what’s the age of consent in Alaska? I’m sure it’s just fine, legally.

  86. loudmouthredhead

    [re=76323]Schadenfried[/re]: So, basically, she’s busy patching up those cracks in the glass ceiling. That’s SURE to draw those she-bitterz to Walnuts!

  87. lawrenceofthedesert

    I had no idea that the drilling in Alaska was that out of control. Is “Ice Road Truckers” a racy euphemism?

  88. loudmouthredhead

    [re=76328]limama56[/re]: Not just a uterus, but a rand, prolific uterus, with a bottomless fount of fecundity.

  89. loudmouthredhead

    [re=76337]btwbfdimho[/re]: Do you think he uses that scope up there to keep tabs on his lesbian daughter? Or the Iranians? Or ME?!

  90. angrymommy

    ok. the kid realizes she has to finally tell her mom she is pregnant. goes to get her first prenatal care at 7 months to find out baby has Down Syndrome. mom is now suddenly pregnant! and that explains why no one in the alaskan press corps knew about it and how she could miraculously return to work only 3 days after giving birth!!!! i love her already!

  91. shoeho

    I’m hopin’ Sarah will be the campaign gift from McWalnuts to Barry and Joe that just keeps on givin’. Other than the FundyEvangies, I haven’t heard one person who is actually happy about this. Rush/Sean, etc., don’t count as people. The women I know are seriously insulted that Walnuts thinks we are this dumb/shallow.

  92. Scooter

    Here’s a pic taken right after the shocked Palin received that fateful call from McGrampy!

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/wilbanksmug1.html

    Regarding her appearance, I was struck at how much Palin looks like McCain. The nose, the ears, the lips, the jawline . . . are we sure she’s not HIS lovechild?? Or maybe his greatgranddaughter!! And as others have said, SNL is insane if they don’t get Tina Fey to play her in next week’s season opener.

  93. Nietscheknew

    Well, I don’t think SweetSarah will have any problems with Todd’s extramarital affairs. She wasn’t elected Miss Congeniality at her first beauty pageant for nothing.

    Oh wait, maybe that IS what Miss Congeniality at a beauty pageant means….

  94. RuperttheBear

    [re=76170]serj![/re]: I’m thinking of something I’d like to destroy. . . DESTROY IT.

    Oh, yeah.

  95. travellabyrinth

    McSame picked Sara after meeting her only once. So this a one night stand that led to a Vegas-style marriage. Probably at some Elvis-themed chapel.

  96. shortsshortsshorts

    MORE FUN NEWS FOR HAWT SEXY SARAH:
    The woman found this piece of gold yesterday, and I must say it’s pretty awesome:

    “On March 5th, 2008 Alaska’s Republican Governor, Sarah Palin, announced
    to the media that she was 7 months pregnant with her 5th child. She is
    currently 44.

    The controversy arises from two sources: First, Palin does not appear
    preganant in any recent photographs. The announcement came as quite a
    shock to people who had worked closely with her, and have been quoted as
    saying that she did not appear pregnant whatsoever during the prior 7
    months. While this is debatable, you can judge for yourself here:
    http://gov.state.ak.us/photos.php

    Second, Palin’s daughter Bristol is 16 and attends an Anchorage high
    school. Students who have attended class with her report that she has
    been out of school for months, claiming a prolonged case of mono.”

    http://groups.google.com/group/talk.politics.misc/browse_thread/thread/113762ce1f141a80/42bfd769e44bb65a?lnk=raot
    _________________________________

    This just gets better and better and better and better. I swear to gawd this is the best thing that could have possibly happened for Barry’s terrorist ambitions.

  97. The 3-Legged Man

    So, let’s sum up:
    1. Daughter has given birth to bastard child.
    2. Governor claims credit for that child, despite evidence she never gained wait until like the week before “giving birth”.
    3. Son enlists in army to avoid criminal charges.
    4. Governor claims son is “patriotic”, despite evidence that he was “common thug and behaviorally challenged”.
    5. Governor asserts her sisterhood with Hillary and mentions “18 million cracks”.
    6. Discerning listeners envision “Veeps Gone Wild – 18 million ‘cracks’ and counting”.

    I’m there with the vote, GILF. I’m voting the Tumescent Party as we speak.

  98. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=76401]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Ouch. Sorry about the homonym error. Meant: “weight” not “wait”. I suck.

  99. btwbfdimho

    [re=76401]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: She said 18 million crackers I guess.
    She appeals to the Hillz base while her retarded son appeals to the Republican base, hard to beat.

  100. shoeho

    [re=76401]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Attempting to catch up on the Palin Files. Where did you see the news about son enlisting to avoid criminal charges? NOT that I don’t believe you (I’d believe anything of kids brought up by wingnut fundies) but I like sources when I destroy my right wing relative’s arguments.

  101. The 3-Legged Man

    A lengthy Palin legacy of court involvement. http://www.courtrecords.alaska.gov/pa/pa.urd/PAMW6500

    You will not find the Track Palin vandalism and criminal mischief stuff on line. Those things are the type where the arresting officer hears the magic last name and places a call and everything is worked out before paperwork is filed.

    I heard about the eldest daughter’s pregnancy several months ago. A friend told me, and there are people trying to find out how to get the copy of the birth certificate for Sarah’s alleged own child. It will be interesting to see who the doctor was who signed the certificate of live birth. No one seems to know what hospital Sarah had the kid in….very strange.

    Similarly, for several months no one had seen her daughter … until yesterday… and no one has unearthed any “before” and “after” photos (with and without “baby bump”). Everyone says being over 40 increases risk of DS…uh, so does diet pill abuse and an eating disorder for a teenager…. just sayin’….

    McCain will shit a firm stool when he realizes that he’s signed on for an episode of the Alaska Hillbillies. Get ready for some very horrendous disclosures.

  102. badco/LoJ

    [re=76318]professor.cj[/re]: Sorry to tell you, but Ann Richards passed away last year. One hell of a woman she was.

  103. rocktonsammy

    Palin will be chewed up by the media, Dems can sit back watch. I hope someone told her hubby that he ain’t hittin that in at least 3 months. She can shoot a gun and get laid, typical Rove-ite.

  104. angrymommy

    while you are at it, try to find out who signed kenneth lay’s death certificate. disappeared for months (getting facial reconstruction surgery i presume), dropped “dead”, was cremated the next day (was he jewish?) and then his lawyers had his conviction expunged due to his “death” -for all we know he could be michael jackson!

  105. Dr. Omed

    Todd The Eskimo (The Naughty Todd)

    Ev’rybody’s telling big lies and tetherin’ goats,
    Some are building movements,
    Others, jotting down notes,
    All the pundits in ill dispute,
    Ev’ry pawn and rook,
    But when Todd the Eskimo gets cute,
    Ev’rybody’s gonna take a look.
    Come all with spin, come all praise God
    You’ll not spin nothing like the Naughty Todd

  106. professor.cj

    [re=76437]badco/LoJ[/re]: i must have been sleeping last year….. damn i loved her… i wondered why she was being so quiet this year. i suppose death would explain it. succinctly.

  107. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    It’s been over 24 hours. How has no one managed to unearth the swimsuit competition pictures? We’re usually such a resourceful group! Or did she threaten to hunt people down with a helicopter and a high-powered rifle if they dare release them?

  108. Canuckledragger

    [re=76306]Scooter[/re]: “Isn’t how funny how right-to-lifers so seldom want to extend that right to anything but human fetuses?”

    Their concern begins at conception, but ends at birth. After that, you’re on your own. You had the little fucker, you raise it. If ya grovel hard, we’ll toss a few food stamps your way. The mantra of the ‘compassionate conservative.’

    My Mrs. said last night that McCain just wants – yet again – to sport some eye candy on his arm. First wife, swimsuit model. Second wife, pretty girl 17 years his junior. Veep, buxom hottie with aberrant social “values.”

    My Mrs. also understands the femme psyche in ways that men never can. When I suggested months ago that Hopey should pick a really good woman for Veep, she said that would only alienate the Bitters even more. “They don’t want a woman, they want Hillary,” she said. Given the response of the Bitters to the Palin news, she was certainly correct about that. “How stupid does McCain think womyn are?”

    Amazingly, spectacularly stupid, apparently. So, the Palin pick has not only taken the “experience” issue off the table, but it’s also cured all but the most dead-end of the Bitters of their disaffection for Hopey. Leave it to Juan to hand the Dems a twofer. A triple, if you count that most people will see this as reflective of his putative “judgment.”

    Now, if he’d just announce the postponement of the convention, we can let the meltdown really begin in earnest…. Bring it, Juan!

  109. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=76469]Canuckledragger[/re]: I spoke this evening to my Rockefeller Republican sister and brother in law and they were hysterical over Palin – and furious at McCain. The Wall Street crowd wanted Romney, and I am really surprised there isn’t a DUMP MCCAIN movement.

  110. sanantonerose

    [re=76115]Delicious[/re]: Bless yore beautiful hiiiide, wherever you may be! I don’t know your name but I’m stakin’ my claaaaaaaim! Lessen yore eyes is crossed!

    I’m a HUGE Howard Keel fan.

  111. CthuNHu

    [re=76402]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: “Ouch. Sorry about the homonym error. Meant: “weight” not “wait”. I suck.”

    Since you said “homonym” when you meant “homophone,” I must regretfully concur.

    But don’t feel too bad. At least you’re not Mitt “Always a Bridesmaid” Romney right now. Although I guess he does have six wives in each of his forty-seven mansions to console him.

  112. liquiddaddy

    I want to know more about this Alpine Trash lifestyle. Her bro in law tasers his kids; she tries to have him killed? As 3-leg says, her son knocks up her daughter and is banished to the war zone, while her Eskimo husband chases pussy. Is everybody in Alaska from east Texas?

  113. BobnDougMackenzie

    GOP Party strikes again! Last time we saw Sarah on TV she was looking up in the sky for Valdemort Putin, that frequent user of Alaskan Airspace.

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