Wonkette
Your editor is sitting in the backseat of a gold Town & Country, like Hank Williams, as your other editors jabber up front and drive through the cornfields and cow hills of Nebraska. Let’s check the e-mail and see what’s … Oh goddamn, what does the Library of Congress want from your Wonkette?
To Whom It May Concern:
The United States Library of Congress has selected your Web site for inclusion in its historic collections of Internet materials related to Election 2008. The Library’s traditional functions, acquiring, cataloging, preserving and serving collection materials of historical importance to the Congress and to the American people to foster education and scholarship, extend to digital materials, including Web sites. We request your permission to collect your web site and add it to the Library’s research collections. We also ask that we be allowed to display the archived version(s) of your web site.
The following URL has been selected:
wonkette.com
Congratulations, you have officially moved on up (moved on up) to the East side.
You’ve got to let them. I need to have my words immortalized by the Library of Congress. Oh…BUTTSECKS!!!!
oh shit, all the crap we all say is going to be the subject of some loser’s future PhD! Fuck you, loser future PhD candidate!
…no mention to bank accounts or Nigerian businessmen? FAKE!!!
Hahahahaha!
Seriously?
Add this to your research collections.
Fuck you Library of Congress.
Now that’s some educational material.
Cangratulations! Like it or not, you are now the media elite. Enjoy that crystal meth on the way to the twin cities.
BIG SALE ON TRUCK NUTZ!
Fuck the Library of Congress, you guys got a shout-out from Jeanne Moos!
ENDLESS CUMMER!
Read it again, Ken. It’s from the Library of Sexual Congress. You’ll be in their Kama Sutra section.
Why not?
I can only imagine that some future historian will write about how folks with names like Serlof Divad, Lionel Hutz Esq, SayItWithWookies, AngryBlakGuy, etc, etc, et al had, uh, profound things to say about the election and the primaries.
They will ask questions like:
Who were these people and why did their parents give them such funny names?
What are Paultards?
Why do they love the Butt Secks?
Heh, they said ‘digital materials.’ I’d like to digital Palin’s materials, if you know what I’m sayin’. Because it’s political, with the hotness, and the… Aw fuck it.
The library of Congress are Wonkette’s bitches.
Wonkette will come just after the “Waterboarding” section
Oooooh arugula fancy. I’m sipping my latte with one pinky up.
ManchuCandidate: omg it’s Serolf!
This is great. You can print it up and frame it.
To all of our future scholars hoping to gain some insight into the 2008 Presidential election I offer these words of wisdom from one of our leaders whom you may have read read about in one of your holo-books:
How about some good old fashioned fudge, hmm?
‘digital materials’?
Did Ted Stephens dictate this e-mail or something?
Newell’s trenchant commentary on Lieberman should not be lost to the ages. Besides the references to Walnuts, Paultards, and “big sale on truck nutz” have added a great deal to the civilizing of the national political discourse.
Class act that Library of Congress…. if they were under the Executive they’d just archive this shit and not even bother to ask.
IF FEWCHER PEOPLZ r getteng learninz from here, I WIL TEL U dat I am teh sparticus.
ManchuCandidate: …you left out:
-why are “TruckNutz” so dear to them?
-why do they measure time in increments of “5 & half years Alan!”
-is trollop and c%nt a compliment?
Cock! Cock! Jizzum! Grandma! Cock!
As the holder of an MS-LIS, I must say that this is fucking awesome. That is all.
AngryBlakGuy: How many whore diamonds is equal to a dollar?
tunamelt: …how many dollars equal an Amero?
Congrats Ken. I hope this honor comes with a gift bag.
We should flood the site with numerous pictures of tits and ass so the LOC can preserve them for all perpetuity.
Oh my god you MUST invite them in! We could talk about all of the most socially relevant issues of our time, like, you know, ass fucking, two girls - one cup, Alaska’s older but still do-able gov-o-bitch, the even hotter Mrs. Kucinich…you know the high brow stuff! We don’t have to bore them with the Obama vs Mc Cranky crap!
AngryBlakGuy: Huh? Why drag me into this? I, sir, am offended. Or drunk. One or the other.
Squiggyfm: Goddamn not being able to embed pictures.
Nigerian Business Executive: …just be like me and just keep drinking until the pain goes away!
Just saw this on the newswire:
Here is the entertainment for the Repub. convention posing with Sara’s kids;
http://firpocarr.com/db1/00015/firpocarr.com/_uimages/michaelkidsOP.jpg
But we can embed questionable and surly language… ya bunch of douchebags.
Squiggyfm: If only! Ya can’t put pix on the Wonquette any more, which means no more of Serolf Divad’s awesome graphics. Why does Ken Layne hate our freedom?
AngryBlakGuy: Which is what I’m going to do now, guys. Drink. A lot. Peace.
Good, because if John McCain somehow wins this thing, then he’s sure as hell going down in the history books as WALNUTS!
The Lucky Republican: Tube steaks! It’s all about the tube steaks!
God, now you’ve gone and made me cry. Mittens! We hardly knew ye!
Rush: When WALNUTS! and Palin lose this thing, at least we’ll get to see her kids cry. It could be good. Even better than Santorum’s daughter…
Are we finally all going to get to know each other…in Guantanamo?
NoWireHangers:
Yes and maybe former Pres. Bubba CumStein can console poor Sara after Barry pimps her on election day.
That’s awesome. It’s the end of fuckin’ civilization as we know it, but that’s still awesome.
I can’t believe none of you have addressed this yet. Listen, people of the future, if there is indeed a future, at least one that doesn’t resemble Blade Runner or Mad Max or Planet of the Apes (these were moooovies, future people, look them up). This is really important, because in your time it might a subject of debate, a debate that can be resolved with one unambiguous statement from me, your humble caveman ancestor:
George W. Bush was the worst president ever.
Now get back to work reviving my frozen corpse, dammit!
well, do they get all of Wonkette (for 2008 or whenever the 2008 election shit began, which was sometime shortly after the big bang) or just the stuff after plucky Wonkette struck out on her own?
Maybe they could have just sent
Greetings from the President,
…
and conscripted Wonkette into the library.
Awesome. But when is Fleshbot going to be added to the list? I get half of my political and sports commentary from that fine site.
Now if someone at work asks why I am always reading this site, I can say, “it’s for my education and scholarship.”
library? is that a book thing? some sort of ancient wikipedia?
lookout — it’s a sting operation. “fbi - hands over your head. back away from your laptops. wide stance,please.”
trollops
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: LOL. It’s so true. They’ll find me one of these days, between the internet trail and my phone calls…I look forward to being waterboarded with all of you.
I used to do research at the LOC and would occasionally require me to go to the Rare Books Room to examine past issues of Playboy. True story!
This is exciting! Now I can cf. myself in my next tedious peer-reviewed article!
Yay! This will be fun! To think, all drunk snarky rants from now until November will be immortalized forever in some vault somewhere in a library nobody ever visits. Let’s get creative, people! Stay on the ball! Oh wait…that probably will get sore…um, maybe just the taint?
NoWireHangers: Agreed. Perhaps that first dissertation topic will be “The Downward Career Trajectories of ‘Wonketteers:’ How the Notion of a Free ‘Internets’ Ruined Lives.”
I’m going to post my graduate thesis and the Story of O, just so they can be cited in the footnotes. Nobody has to bother reading.
Congratulations Wonkette high command. It’s more of an honor than your founding predecessor ever got with her “WH Correspondents Dinner is like prom” business. Hats off and good luck to the digital storage team at the LoC reading all this crapola.
I can’t wait until my frozen corpse is revived by the revived frozen corpse of Dick Cheney for extra special waterboarding and anal fisting. Fucking Library of Congress. NOT MY CONGRESS!
Congrats Wonkette! Can you apply for federal funding, now that you are a listed National Monument or whatever?
Hope you have satellite high-deaf teevee in that solid gold welfare baby Cadillac…sorry to break it to you, but Town and Country is a copyrighted magazine for the Barry Obama country club polo pony set, not a motor vehicle….’cause Russian agent Mikhail Moore is on the pinko MSNBC Keith Olbermann show.
Of course, Keith and Mikhail are dancing on the graves of Hillabeth Clinton and Juan McSame, and “saluting” obscenely the ascendancy of Gov. “Michael” Palin as president of these Untied Snakes.
You’re not missing much as you fly through the GMO corn fields and collegiate wrestling summer cams of Nebraska. Onward and forward, Wonkas!
Tybalt: won’t there be questions in the future about “mysterious reports vice-president Cheney devoured babies” and odd pictures of the dead deer at the VPs house and all the weird shit that has gone on?
On the road, staying with random Wonketteers in the Midwest. “Don’t worry none about all the cats…they are plenty friendly.” Man, what a great Labor Day weekend en route to the land of Garrison Kellior. Uff Da!
How has no one immortalized “assfucking” yet?
ASSFUCKING ASSFUCKING ASSFUCKING
Suck on it, Library of Congress. Suck it long and suck it hard.
Awww, plaudits! The Wonkette Executive Branch and the drone commenterers will be rounded up at dawn on November 19 and put on the prison ships with the terrists. Oh, what stories we will tell.
“Really, the wires went there!? Wow, me tooo!”
@Oscar Folson Cleveland - what, dead deer? Were there no hunting buddies around?
Cock suck, mother fuck,
Dick lick, too.
I’m a US serviceman,
Who the fuck are you?
I’ve just always wanted an opportunity to use that.
Dear Future Scholars of American History:
If your wondering when America’s decline became terminal, you’re staring at it.
Your research is now over. No need to thank me. Just knowing that I freed up some time for our descendants to fap to Sarah Palin tentacle hentai is good enough for me.
Hmmm….
Buttsecs, knobsmooching, Condi’s lingus, retchuglicans, fappin’ o’er Palin’s fun …
Fellow Wonketteers, you bring to mind that commie classic from Hair, Sodomy.
A propos of nothing - I just wanted to share.
Also, Future Historians
Try finding a “paper” (see separate entry) version of Ray Huang’s “1587: A Year No Significance” about the colossal autocapitulation of the Ming Dynasty. It’s a good “book” as we say.
Main difference: they weren’t at war! And had a functioning banking system! But they heroically limped on for for 70 years of the failed policies of the past.
But they did have Rude Words. Always have. So do we.
Therefore we are a Great and Permanent Civilisation, with Capitalisation from Thomas Jefferson, Esq.
Rev. Juan MessyCan: Though a holy orgy wouldn’t be out of order with the record (and example!) we want to leave for our fewsure whatevs. I’ll wear the cleric’s collar and host. Someone else bring the seriesoftubescleaner.
WTF? They want your comments, too? And they can afford to do this with all of Bush’s tax cuts? There’s still a lot of fat to be cut from the federal budget, it seems.
you know what this means…we have a MOLE. how else did LOC hear about Wonkette? obviously someone tipped them off.
think of the implications. there is someone who works in the LOC who has been reading already for sometime now, evaluating whether to archive this, and the answer was yes. maybe he/she has created a funny alias and has been posting too. if i paid taxes, i would be fuming that a federal employee spends time at Wonkette — crusading reformer Sharia Plan must clean up Washington!
p.s. i thought most of you were already in GITMO.
Nigerian Business Executive: Oh crap. I meant to answer your email and now you’re posting here?!? You sir, are truly diabolical. And I mean that in a good way. Really….
And she’s the secret but horrific offspring of dangerous cultists Monty Python, who were branded war criminals in Britonia and were sentenced by the Panopticon to serve out the rest of their days as management consultants and teevee travel guides. In our “caste system” these are several grades below telephone cleaners, and even the Wonkette Executive Branch.
For shame.
It’s just a bit teary and ozymandial around here right now. Awwwhh. Sniff. Hugs from Barry or JoBi-wonekenobe?
Ah jeez.
Perpetuity.
I am so fucked.
Oh & Layne. I quote the movies. You tell the jokes. This is my turf.
…please, don’t take this from me. it’s all i have left.
Please.
I’m begging you.
Look in your heart.
NoWireHangers: Hold it together. I know what hard times feel like. We will have a cocktail to toast the advent of the hopey regime. At the fucking Ritz!!!!!! I’ll pay.
I bet they’re just pulling down the feed of posts, not comments… Too bad, they’re missing the best part
grendel: Fight the power. Fight for the right for the posts to be heard! I feel a blogger Selma moment coming on.
But we can discuss this at Gitmo if if doesn’t go right.
Practice gargling.
Will there be pics of librarians involved?
Norbert: “…think of the implications. there is someone who works in the LOC who has been reading already for sometime now, evaluating whether to archive this, and the answer was yes. maybe he/she has created a funny alias and has been posting too. if i paid taxes, i would be fuming that a federal employee spends time at Wonkette…”
perhaps the “Library” is based in Gitmo. or perhaps in some faraway land. perhaps it has been decided to roll up this operation before it gets out of hand. Driving to the Cities, our brave editors will encounter some “traffic problems”, “road crews” will be stopping traffic — nothing to be concerned about. Maybe we’ll see them in our new home. There probably is a “librarian” with a funny alias. maybe we’ll meet that person at our new home too ……
thrre here outside the door migodmigodsave yourselves
To all the future grad students reading this:
Testicles.
That is all.
Hah, I bet when you saw the e-mail you thought they wanted their Guttenburg Bible back.
We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
Love,
Library of Congress
So hey, there are explosions in DC Huh? This is how we celebrate the weekend? Could be fireworks, as far as I know…
About 50,000 people are celebrating on the Bay Bridge, motionless, for hours. What a party. I’m so envious.
I can’t wait until the people at Ron Paul Forums hear about this.
Sweet!!
Dear poor anthropologists from the distant future who rely on the comments on this site to piece together an understanding of our society,
Calling our wives “cunts” and “trollops” is the ultimate sign of affection and respect.
P.S. Please don’t judge us too harshly for being unduly belligerent. Somehow our oil got under other people’s land so we have to fight a lot of wars to get it back.
Hey folks, here’s a gag, extraordinary RENDITION… Rending what?? I rend yr shirt? We’re gonna get legislativised for some Leviticus violation, or someone busts a button?
But hey, you’re extraordinary! We all are. How cool is that!!! Exrtaordinaries don’t get rendered in this country! Huzzah!
My parents will be seriously SO proud of my extraordinariousness. Yum! The future likes me!
Hey, but acht it’s WARM in Cuba!! We just need to wait 30 years until global warming does the biz in DC. Buy equities in resorts, coolers, HVACS, bbqs. Go long in oil and gas. Go short on schools. Since house value taxes fund the school system short the schools aggressively. Cus it’s all going down.
Y’all look great in orange. See, Hils ws telling you somping.
Big M
qwerty42: Orange is nice. Hils did it. Who could possibly object, unless they had somping to hide…
Like, ooh, dunno, wanting to extract the Constitution from the shredder?
Actually, why is DHS moving to the old site of the mental hosp in Anacostia? This is a total gimme.
DC Spring: I think that suit looked the same color as “the gates” in central park. They called it saffron. I think they lied.
I have a reader’s card for the Library of Congress, I guess I’ll need it now…
Thank goodness, by golly, the Libary has finally climbed to a plateau of decency and good taste by undoing and lowering its britches to include Wonkette, which probably leaves such journalistic hoipolloi and detritus as the New York Times and their like naked and out in the cold rain, viz. the NYT “Caucus” section - haven’t those been over for sixteen years already? or is The Times referring to Comrade Putin’s hometurf? - which on Friday featured this loveerly bit o’ fluff:
August 29, 2008
Defining Sarah Palin
Bloggers and analysts alike are trying to fill in the blanks on Alaska’s governor as she emerges on the national scene.
Of course, Wonkette wasn’t mention amongst The Bloogersphere; we’re too country club and snobberyish lately, thanks to the Congressional libraritarians.
http://www.nytimes.com/pages/politics/index.html
Dick Cheney sucked on the penis of many a young boy.
Since you’re reading it right here in the library of congress,
it must be true.
No complaints, but then again dead kids tell no tales.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
To the future, from the past: the internet was not a big truck; it was a series of tubes.
See also Ted Stevens
People of the future. It is all true. Barry was born of a virgin named “Stan.” He could metamorph into a unicorn at will. Different parts of his body were of different races. His sneezing was so pleasing it caused spontaneous applause. He could get people to a football stadium even though there was no football at the stadium. He could walk under water. He could clear cats’ sinuses and he could turn perfectly heterosexual men gay with but a look.
Just so you’re clear on what this honor means: some LC lackey, probably a grad student working on their precious MLS, will painstakingly print out your entire website, single sided, on 70 reams of paper, which will then be placed in a super special archival repository, otherwise known as a cardboard box. This box will receive a magic number, called an “LC Call Number” (because the Library of Congress is too damn fine for the Dewey Decimal system), and be carefully taken down to the warehouse and shelved next to the Ark of the Covenant.
Welcome to the future Wonkette!!!!
BUTT SEX!!!!
Monsieur Grumpe:
United States Library of Congress = CIA
Bye. It was great, it was grand, it was fun, a bit of heaven, if you know what I mean.
But it is now a life in some dank Polish prison.
Please, Commissar, ask Comrade Layne when I might salve the welts on my face.
— Desinovich
Squiggyfm:
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wow that failed, it was supposed to be ASCii of a naked woman
Greetings, wonks of the future! Yes, we knew how much we sucked back here in 2008. Hopefully, you’re reading this in the amazing Culpeper facility. Likely, Washington DC is now underwater thanks to a force that Sarah Palin–hot though she was–doesn’t even believe exists. We just want to say that we had more fun, drank more beer, kicked more ass and got more buttsex than anyone in your era, even if you have skulls like beach balls and can move objects by squinting at them.
It’s a trick! W is taking names for the hit list before he leaves office! Resist!
ManchuCandidate: And then they’ll discuss them on the Ultranet and get into flame wars.
qwerty42: hopefully not to be followed by WALNUTZ and Ha ha, Alpine Trash…
i fear for the children.
freppish: Whatever it was, I masturbated to it twice!
Couple of things about that letter: I admire the LoC’s personal touch. They really went out of their way to make you feel special.
Also, this government feels that it’s perfectly fine to tap into private telephone conversations and to read your emails, but they ask permission to archive a public web site? What the fuck?
Is LoC carbon neutral? This is the one in Alexandria by the lighthouse and flaming watchtower no?
scott_dog: glad i brought pleasure into your day
Speaking as a librarian, this site is the only thing that gets me through my workday. So hells yeah, Wonkette deserves enshrinement next to Thomas Jefferson’s personal library.
njdon: Don’t joke about the FBI. Have you read Surveillance in the Stacks: The FBI’s Library Awareness Program?
Guppy06: Naked librarians!
Will Wonkette be like the George Orwell diaries that they are posting on the internets? Minus the talking pig Old Major. Well, strike that, we had Tony the Tiger.
The paultards must be going up the wall because of this one.
This is what you’re driving? Wonder what SK.S is wearing…
http://auto.howstuffworks.com/1947-chrysler-town-and-country.htm
V572625694: We should print this on a t-shirt:
“If you want to Photoshop
then go to Iran”
wonkette.com
Fools! It’s all a plot by the eating elite to co-opt you into submission to their will. There is no future scholar writing her dissertation on how trucknutz swung the election. There is no permanent record of the mating habits of gay Republican politicians.
…and shame on you Ken for selling out the snark for a few leaves of arugula.
FunkyPalmettoBug: If the Paultards read - let alone know what a library is - I’d agree.
I don’t know why everybody is getting so excited this year. Nothing will be different.
You will be bored, embarrassed, annoyed, disgusted, and more-than-a-little creeped out — just as you are every year during the TV Marathon for Jerry’s Kids.