Wonkette
Wonkette’s favorite GILF has now graduated to a losing ticket for vice president. Hooray for Sarah Palin, the new fake Hillary Clinton! And like the Clintons, Palin and her husband, “Todd,” are involved in a horrible scandal in their corrupt nothing state, and it’s about troopers. So let’s offer a brief background about this epic scandal which has ruined her reputation in Alaska, where she used to have 90% approval ratings. And then you will realize exactly how creepy Alaska is where they would care about such a thing.
The basic idea of the scandal is that she and her husband pressured the commissioner of the state Public Safety Department to fire a state trooper named Mike Wooten, Palin’s former brother-in-law, who has been in a nasty custody battle with Palin’s sister. Then when the commissioner refused, Palin fired him and replaced him with an idiot who then left a couple of weeks later.
In other words, it was any day in Alaskan politics, where doing something corrupt is like eating a can of beans. Just think about all the cans of beans you eat all the time, and yes, it’s that frequent.
Palin has claimed innocence and even launched an ethics investigation to determine whether anyone on her staff exerted pressure on the commissioner. And sure enough, the commissioner received a ton of calls from, uh, Palin’s husband and chief of staff. And then this one, where the idiot staffer mentions “Todd” and “Sarah”:
Palin said the “most disturbing” was a phone call Frank Bailey, the governor’s director of boards and commissions, made to trooper Lt. Rodney Dial in February. The Public Safety Department recorded the call, as it does routinely.
Palin, who said she’d only just learned of the call, released a recorded copy of it to the press on Wednesday. In it, Bailey clearly pressures the lieutenant.
Bailey told him during the conversation that Palin and her husband want to know why Wooten still has a job.
“Todd and Sarah are scratching their heads, ‘Why on earth hasn’t this, why is this guy still representing the department?’ He’s a horrible recruiting tool, you know,” Bailey told the lieutenant.
And now no one will ever care about this on a national scale, because Palin is a STONE. COLD. FOX.
Palin staff pushed to have trooper fired [Anchorage Daily News]
And have you seen the rumor that the magic baby is actually her daughter’s? Sounds unlikely, but hey, it’s out there!
http://www.reddit.com/comments/6f3nq/coverup_alaska_gov_palin_r_announced_she_was
But what about the REAL scandal? Her infant kid actually being her daughter’s, by way of her son?
As for this other thing… eh, it’ll stick about as well as the Barry/William Whatsisface thing. Not that I wished it wouldn’t, but there you go.
The problem with VPILF is you can’t really say it. Like, is it “vuh-pilf” or “vi-pilf” or what?
Ha Ha Ha. So one more Walnuts line of argument is gone. If this trollip has all this great experience and is ready to be president, why not Barry?
Ooh, I hadn’t heard the incest angle. I like it, keep it up!
What about the one about her husband being on the down-low (or whatever the equivalent Inuit term is)?
superfecta: Jinx.
A scandal where a governor is using state troopers to procure sex partners? No one could possible get elected with that sort of abuse of power on their record.
What? Wrong scandal?
Nevermind.
superfecta: Wonkette needs to investigate.
So, is this better or worse than earmarking $1 million for the hospital that just gave your wife a $200,000 raise?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/14/obama-wanted-earmarks-for_n_91546.html
Or this:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5huEfl7DpzvxZJaOz80ELfQQrTd1QD92PKEEG0
For the rest of the day, I shall be humming:
But you know you’re in the largest state in the union
When you’re anchored down in Anchorage
Oh, Anchorage
superfecta: Well, she never really looked pregnant (and I saw her at the airport a few times–she always flew coach) Let the crazy incest stories begin!
crankybureaucrat: Yes we can!
“The way I heard it was that the hook was on his foot.”
Seriously, the story I heard was that her 17 year old daughter currently is pregnant. But the other story is better.
To be totally fair, the trooper, among other things, Tasered his 11-year old son. The union protested his 10-day suspension, which was reduced to 5. The trooper really should have been fired, in my opinion. So firing his supervisor for not doing that ain’t the worst thing you could do.
But letting her kids fuck and make babies, that’s pretty sick.
This seems to be a relatively minor sign of corruption compared to what every other politician has done and been indicted for in Alaska. Come on people, we are not looking for Mother Teresa here, we just want a hot VPILF with a pair of SIZE D twins in that evening gown at the inuaguration ball.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Sexist.
crankybureaucrat: Dear Penthouse: You’re not going to believe this, but every word in this story is true…
Strictly for the Tardcore:
George Michael and Maeby, except related.
Wow, I knew Alaska was hard up for women, but this is taking it to an extreme.
There’s gotta be a “Juno” joke in this whole thing somewhere.
She has a four-month old special needs child and she’s going to hump across the fruited plain 18 hours a day? Guess that kid will be bottle fed. Wonder how all the Bitters will feel about that? A real mother wouldn’t use her kid as a prop. Guess she’s doing that twice since first born is a double 9/11 fan. Rudy’s kid is just some turd at Duke. Ah… it’s all becoming clear now.
tunamelt: Vice President with extra Vice.
w00ten? That’s a name in Alaska?
It’s like Steven Abootman: Alaska, go on strike!
Canmon (the Inadequate): Worse.
TJBeck: “To be totally fair, the trooper, among other things, Tasered his 11-year old son.”
Yeah, but the kid was asking for it.
No, seriously.
The kid actually asked for it.
Word is he’s on McCain’s short list for Attorney General.
I think her furry Barbarella-style outfits made from baby snow seals that she wears at the annual sperm whale harvest is enough to win the support of independents across the country. Good choice!
TJBeck: Kids having kids is a Republican family value, though. This only demonstrates how taboo the word “contraception” is in her home. Remember what Papa Ratzie said!
Canmon (the Inadequate): How about neither. Your defective logic is irksome to me.
haha from the Indecision 2008 blog: I just thought of something interesting. The media is all over the fact that no matter who wins in November, history will be made. Either a black man or a woman will be in the White House. But I haven’t yet heard anyone point out that both of the two freak states — Hawaii and Alaska — are now represented in this race.
FREAK STATES
Uhh it’s been four hours and the worst to come out on this woman is that she fired some loser and might be raising her daughter’s kid. Also she is stunning and talks in an adorable accent. McCain may have blindly stumbled his way into an intelligent campaign move here.
In a vaguely related story, a CNN poster just going by Anonymous put up the best post on the InterTubes until the next one:
“Someone please tell me that Palin at least stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”
Just wanted to get that out there.
While this all looks very well-played for Juan McCain today — the news killed the Friday Hope buzz while pandering masterfully to all the fundies and Hilltards — my feeling is that Repubs are going to wake up on Monday wondering what the fuck they’ve done. Considering the legions of morans have spent the past year moaning about how “we just don’t KNOW this Barack Obama” (in spite of the man having written two books covering his entire life, given countless speeches outlining each and every one of his positions and been the subject of around 90% of the last six months’ news cycle)they’re going to suddenly embrace a woman they had never heard of until this morning? Not to mention seriously entertain the thought of her running the country when WALNUTS! ticker gives out two weeks into office? Yes, in this time of war, strife and madness let’s vote into the highest office in the land someone whose qualifications amount to having a functioning uterus and a visceral hatred of polar bears. I mean, what kind of a person hates polar bears?
Oh, and I’ve heard she’s trying to pass off her teenage daughter’s bastard child as her own. Pass it on!
tunamelt: That’s not contiguity we can believe in!
Strictly for the Tardcore: Wonderful.
C-5: It IS rare that Republicans don’t end up with a asshole nominees, but I suppose once in a blue moon, a normal human being might accidentally get sucked into the fray.
Seven months pregnant? I’m just saying…
http://www.adn.com/politics/v-gallery/story/339576.html?/politics/v-enlarge/story/339576-a339575-t3.html
http://bp2.blogger.com/_eeBrCFDUUOc/R9SMzjkqrLI/AAAAAAAAAUw/thEnzs9T7GY/s1600-h/PalinFamily.jpg
superfecta:
Check this link: http://starcaptainsdaughter.blogspot.com/2008/03/pregnant-star-captains-not-believable.html
She ate King Crab right after announcing she was pregnant. I thought you were not supposed to eat shell fish when you are pregnant.
Strictly for the Tardcore: Hee.
Quote of the Day
“As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I’m used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration.”
– Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R), quoted just last month by Politico.
TJBeck: Not if you video tape them making sweet sweet incest love.
Whiskeybaby: But she’s from ALASKA, which is like the polar opposite (ha) of Indonesia or Iran or whatever desert country this “Barack” fellow is from. The bitters can totally trust her.
I might also add that if Biden really does tear her apart in the debates like everyone is expecting, it could have the unfortunate effect of making him look like even more of a mean old man than McCunt.
BigDupa: She’ll breast feed him in public. Most bitters are so fucking retarded that they’ll think that their extra chromosomes mean that they can have a taste as well.
ms_mcgee: um. wow.
Kos: You can eat shellfish while preggers.
Look, anything is possible. But everyone knows that the risks of having a child with Down Syndrome go up after you hit your 40s. Also, he was born early and weighed in at only 6 pounds. Some women just don’t show that much. One of my colleagues was 7 months preggers during a big conference we all had to go to, and none of us could tell. Mind you, during the last two months, she was HUGE.
ms_mcgee: Day-umn. Folks, take a look at those pictures. No smoking gun, but hey, we’re Wonkette! Rumor and innuendo is good enough for me.
Republican women really are better looking than their democratic counterparts. Madeline Albright never gave me a hardon.
AnnieGetYourFun: Hey, it’s not impossible. You’re right, some women just don’t show much. I just like the scurrilous rumor better, mostly because I have no soul.
Shouldn’t it be VPOTUSILF? Longer but more accurate… For example, there are plenty of VPs at my company - none of whom ILF.
AnnieGetYourFun: Yes, there’s always the chance that she’ll start spewing Bachmann-style idiocy in the next few weeks, but as of right now, I think I might like this woman. Sad to say but it just might bring McCain a Phelps-Cavic level race.
C-5: Patience paduwan - the hounds will be released.
Strictly for the Tardcore: Well, I’m secretely keeping my fingers crossed that it IS true. I was more concerned about the shellfish rumor, though. I’m pretty sure that if I ever get knocked up, I will live off of Alaskan king crab and pickles. Just sayin’.
C-5: Adorable accent?! When she opens her trap she destroys 39.75% of her hotness. That phrase “God given” that she frequently uses in public, is a turn off. I can concede that using those words in an intimate setting, with a comely nun who’s lost half her habit, could be wildly stimulating
you wouldn’t want to break the continuity of the bush administration. this is right out of their playbook.
.
ServiceJervixJuice: Well, adorable in a “Look, she’s trying to talk” sort of way.
I’ve had some time to think about it, and I have come up with the following possible reasons for McCain to throw the Hail Mary:
1) When it came to the back ground check, she is the only one to even come close to passing.
or
2) That McCain knew that she had a bunch of skeletons in her closet, but he needed someone that he could get through the convention. He knew that Republicans don’t care about experience or anything else that might have made you remotely qualified to be president. Then, after she is nominated, she has to step aside because of all of the scandals, and McCain and finally get the Vice President he wants: Joe Liberman.
TJBeck: CthuNHu: CthuNHu is right, apparently. And, anyway, this is clearly a far right family, and what is a little enhanced interrogation techniques amongst friends?
Canmon (the Inadequate): I’m pretty sure that directing some money to a hospital, where it might just be doing some good is far down on the ethics/morals ladder than taking some one’s living away.
“Governor Palin, can you tell us, exactly how many children do you have?”
“Um, I’ll have my staff get back to you on that”.
You call this a scandel. You obviously dont follow politics in Annapolis or Baltimore city. Our Democrats are the most corrupt, unrepentant and shameless crooks in Amerikan poltics.
Is Trig a better name than Tagg?
Strictly for the Tardcore: Well if she is shorter than Walnuts who is 5′7” then it is kind of surprising she wasn’t showing as late as her 7th month. Women who are taller seem able to carry a child better and have a cute little bump and short women just look huge. You can’t even see she is pregnant by her face. No pregnancy puffiness or double chin at all.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Then, after she is nominated, she has to step aside because of all of the scandals, and McCain and finally get the Vice President he wants: Joe Liberman.
That’s so crazy, it absolutely might be true. That’s some good Kool-Aid, Lionel! I’m drinkin’.
Her accent alone just get the vote of half of my relatives, all of whom live in northern Wisconsin and talk like her. They, like southerners, vote for who sounds the most like them.
tunamelt: It’s Vice-PILF!
mr.november:
do you mean for porn, or politics, or secretly taped alaskan politician web-cam porn (which i’m hoping is on its way)? i vote for Tagg.
also, thanks Jim, i now have “beans, beans, the magical fruit” stuck in my head and it won’t go away.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Scary, isn’t it. And I haven’t even started the weekend and touched my stash yet.
But think about it. This is the same as Obama nominating Denis Kucinich. Except at least Denis is from an important swing state.
But apparently to Republicans “experience” means either believing that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own life and body, or believing that you were brought into being by a giant spaghetti monster.
By the way, Jim and the rest of you. You need to get off this severe librarian with a whip fetish you have. You know she will just hurt you in the end.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Should be hilarous when all the far righties who pushed Oldy McFunster to take her as his “wife” figure out the hidden master plan. This has October Surprise written all over it. Mass GOP suicides to follow. Good times!
Let us now deconstruct the new Republican nominee for VP of the United States.
First, the important stuff:
Sex: Aparently, she has it. A lot. With her own husband. (What kind of un-American political activity is that!?!?!) Though I presume there is a Dem dick even now looking for indications that there has been some igloo hopping during her lifetime. WINNER! by a hair (although Obamas kids are cuter).
Hair: A comely lass, and especially with all that piled up hair that is just aching to be released and shaken at Joe Biden at the VP debate. She has that whole “hot librarian” thing going on. What is REALLY going on behind those glasses, anyway?? Pluses: She DOESN’T wear that god awful Hadassah Flip that female Repubs and Dems of a certain age seem to favour. She also has an abundance of it, so compared to Biden, McCain and Barry I must declare her: THE WINNER! in this category.
Dress: No, not a cocktail dress or one of those $149 shmatas from off the American Apparel rack (no charge, Ken!) that Michelle favours. Her first public appearance was made in a rather drab, black funereal one piece. She kind of blended in to the background. Too severe, altough I guess Cindy will have tooting around in electric red, white and blue soon enough. She will be wearing a colour coordinated chastity belt, also supplied courtesy of Cindy McCain for those inevitable long, late nights out on the road with Big John. Winner!: Hillary’s day-glo pantsuit.
Rumour and Innuendo: This firing of the bro-in-law/State Trooper thing. Well, Joe Biden can introduce all the legislation he wants trying to protect women and children. It’s just paper. Here is a woman who takes the law into her own hands, has a gun and knows how to use it. In the immortal words of Dolly Parton, “I’ll change you from a rooster into a hen with one shot!”. Now, THAT’S Change We Can Believe IN! Winner!: Palin. All Hilltards will be aligning behind a woman of action.
Policy/Platform: She would rather blow a little dope than drink. Supply your own punchlines, people.
How about in the middle of four or five scandals? Check out http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm Frankly, I’m shocked by the “stone cold fox” description — just another country club cougar. Quit looking at those old Eleanor Roosevelt photos before you write!
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I’m starting to think I’m right. NBC is reporting that McCain and Palin have only met once. This is not picking a person you work best with, this is a purely political choice.
This is SO HOT and I’m SO EXCITED.
I call shenanigans. There was some story when she did pop that she got on an airplane from the lower 48 and high-tailed it back to Alaska to have the alien-baby.
Why does Sarah “librarian hot” Palin hate the lower 48 states?
MindBender: And some of the worst spellers.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I vote for (1). Remember, Crist was on that short list.
Didn’t the Bush Whitehouse staff tell the McCain campaign about the google? You know, that thing that controls the internet?
This reminds me of the early post Hillz days.
OH MY GOD, ALASKA WAZN’T A STATE AND DERFORE SHE MIGHT NOT BE ELIDGIBLES TO BE PRESIDENT BECAUSE ALASKA USED TO BE RUSSIA TERRITORY AND SHE MIGHT NOT HAVE USA CITIZIN EVEN DOUGH SHE HAS PASSPORTS. WE NEED TO HIRE LAWARS TO INVESTIGATES. HOW COME SHE HASN’T GIVEN HER BIRTH CERTIFICATS YET - WHATS SHE HIDING??
AnnieGetYourFun: …normally, in areas of female anatomy I will defer to someone with ovaries and a uterus(Hence my stance on abortion). But I am sooooooooooo gonna have to call bullshit on Sara Palin. The article said she had the baby on a MONDAY & was back at work on TUESDAY! Now obviously I have never given birth to a child, but I have family members and friends who have. I’ve seen women go home the day after giving birth, but NEVER have I seen them go to work next day. I know every woman is different but giving birth puts a lot strain on the human body, I don’t care who you are! That combined with the fact that she didnt show any visible signs of pregnancy just screams inconsistency. The article also stated that she simply dropped the news of her pregnancy a couple months before her due date. My deduction is that her daughter got pregnant(by whomever) and tried to hide it and when it finally became fully apparent that she was pregnant the Palin’s concocted this story. Ironically this may explain also why the child is developmentally challenged as well. I have heard of young girls sometimes tightly wrapping their stomachs in an attempt to hide the fact that they are pregnant from their parents. This often results in all kinds of post birth complication including brain damage. Now obviously Down Syndrome is genetic disease so if that is really the case then this arguement is moot. However I cant imagine very many parents giving birth to a Downs Syndrome child and then simply going to work the next day. But then again all of this is wild speculation on my part. I’m just not buying everything she is selling on this particular issue.
Oh, any Pixx of the daughter pleazeee?
lawrenceofthedesert: Again, in whose keister are you going to park your tackle–Palin’s or Biden’s? I rest my case.
Stonier (cough)
Colder
Foxier
He should have stuck with our dear Deep in the Closet Gov. Charlie Crist, who’s sham engagement to that lovely JAP will be broken any day now so he can go on playing with his “advisors”. I was delighted with his choice of a beard however, Govenors mansion with no bedrooms and no kitchen is just what Florida needs.
Mo MoDo: you iz teh evilz. thiz aint no spellin bee. according to my students, the onlines have made us post-grammar and punctuation. we are all t.s. eliot, beat poets, and grammarticians. wonkette leads me to agree, but i tendz to failz my students anyways, LOLZ. mindbender is probably one of them, and will report me to my dean….
This theory would also explain her daughter’s huge rack.
edgydrifter: None of the above, obviously. On a desert island, I’d swim for it.
Borat: You know what’s younger than John McCain? The state his vice-presidential nomination is the governor of!
Also, SARAH PALIN: HAIR’S PLAN
She is Valley Trash, incest is what they do best!
Alaska is far too exotic. She should be from Myrtle Beach. What is she some kind of elitist?
sarah palin: Sharla pain. When you google it, you come to a link about ’step mom, Sharla Pain anal stories’. I have broken this investigation wide open!!!
Let’s just say for a second that SP was actually pregnant and as the story goes, started having contractions while at an energy conference in Texas…and then hopped on a plane back to Alaska. What woman starts having contractions and then hops on a plane for, what seven hours?! Something is just off here.
Super-duper Trooper Scooper!
ms_mcgee: …the whole story falls apart when put under scrutiny! I’m not sure how long a flight from Texas to Alaska is but I’m pretty sure its long enough for your water to break and to go into full on labor. Not to mention pregnant women are generally warned not to fly when they are close to labor because of the pressure changes in the cabin and different oxygenation levels. The wheels on this story are about to come off and I have no idea why she would willingly put herself under this level of scrutiny?!
KevoTron: Yeah, I heard that too- I think on Morning Joe this morning- when Johnny was jerking their chain with multiple VP scenarios. Someone reported that Palin went into LABOR, but got on a plane (not ever recommended at this stage of preggers, much less in “labor”) to have “her?” baby in Alaska. Although she delivered at 8 months and the baby had Downs Syndrome, she returned to work after just 2 days off.
I already hate her for murdering wolves and bears in the true sportsman tradition of something called “aerial hunting”. My God!! What do ya do- get up in a chopper and hover overhead and spill their blood on the whiteness of the snow, where no white man has even walked before?
So, after Ted Stevens has his date at the gallows pole and Sarah gets time for abuse of office in the Troopergate thingamabob, the US will have no option but to bequeath Alaska to Canuckistan in return for first draft pick and future free agent considerations. Then you’re down to only 49 states [56 in Hopeyland] which will create a million jobs in flag star-removal. Ingenious workfare program, I must say. To which country will it be outsourced?
I cannot believe that nobody here has pointed out that OUR Sara is FAR hotter than THEIR Sarah, and that our girl’s also FAR more worthy of Veephood. At least OUR Sarah knows was a Veep does.
Bottom line? This is just another indication of just how fucked McCain’s campaign is, how desperate they are to pull a rabbit out of the hat. After all his utter bullshit about national security and the economy and how little we “know” about Hopey, McCain treads all over his OWN message by picking an unknown chick whose claim to fame on these issues is…………..?
McCain may think he’s pulled a clever move, but now he’s got his own Ferraro to go with his Ferragamos. See ya in Loserville, Juan. You coulda been a contender, coulda been a somebody, but now you’ll go down in history as some loser also-ran footnote, the only guy to make George McGovern’s electoral results seem massive by comparison.
Suddenly the 50 state strategy looks like it might yield ALL 50 states, Arizona and Alaska included.