Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we’re liveblogging it. She’s a pretty girl, so we guess she’s qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.

12:19 PM — McCain is in a … high-school auditorium? Cameras won’t show anything beyond the floor.
12:19 PM — McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he’s slathered in orange makeup.
12:20 PM — Now he’s getting angry at the small crowd for singing him “Happy Birthday.”
12:21 PM — “Read My Book!”
12:21 PM — So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.
12:21 PM — Ha ha, he wants to “shake up Washington.” Maybe he could remodel his houses there!
12:22 PM — Now he’s promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.
12:22 PM — Soon we’ll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil’ John McCain.
12:24 PM — Tough to see if he’s on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin’s on the ticket.
12:25 PM — “She’s a standout high-school point guard.” Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?
12:25 PM — “A mother of five.” CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!
12:31 PM — Palin about her husband: “And he’s a world-class snowmobile racer!” Jesus, she’s at a junior high pep rally.
12:39 PM — She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.
12:40 PM — Ha ha, she can’t pronounce “heroism.”
12:44 PM — Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.
12:45 PM — Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there’s the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.
12:47 PM — Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!

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  1. I wonder if she’ll elaborate on her choice to name her oldest and youngest kids “Trick” and “Trig”, respectively. -2 Whore Diamonds.

  2. Worst. Pick. Ever.


    I actually feel sorry for her. They better tattoo the talking points to her arm so when she is on the NATIONAL stage she doesn’t FAIL beyond all comprehension. Biden is going to chew her up and spit her out on national television during the debate.

    Again, just how desperate are they that they are trolling for votes from the completely over-hyped and over-reported and over-counted Clinton Bitters (TM)?

  3. She has a very young beauty queen voice but…

    Her son is heading to Iraq.
    Her youngest has Down’s Syndrome.
    She has stood up to corruption. She is a reformer.
    Her hubby is a world class snow machine racer.
    In the Frontier That Is Alaska, she once shot a man, just to watch him die.

    Clearly the Repubs are going after George Bush, too.

    She is doing OK right now. But everyone does well the first hour.

  4. [re=75188]MoonshineJoe[/re]: Well, if it comes down to a baby-making contest, Barry’s in big trouble. Unless he develops a “cross-over” game, but fast.

  5. Palin hasn’t mentioned that McCain allowed *new* daughter to write a kid’s book about his life that ignores his kids from first marriage. Nice one.

  6. It’s funny because they both have kids in the armed forces, but she’s already mentioned hers more in this speech alone than McCain has in the whole campaign.

  7. Oh my god. On the C-Span feed right now, they’ve got a giant “COUNTRY FIRST” banner hanging up as a backdrop behind the audience. But someone’s standing up and blocking the letter O.

  8. Did you see McCanes doing the hilariously obvious old man thing of trying NOT to look at the Palin ass? McTrollop did an “I’M NOT JEALOUS!!!” mane toss with a tight smile when McCanes kissed Palin for the first time. This is gonna be fun.

  9. [re=75226]jagorev[/re]: I literally screamed at the television at this point. If I have to put up with the Bush pronunciation of nuclear for four more years I am going to need some medication.

    Oh no she didn’t just bring up Hillary. It is on.

  10. [re=75226]jagorev[/re]: “Nucular” This means we still have HOPE! My cousin has 5 kids and she’s a bulemic mess!

    Oh know she didn’t!! She’s talking about Hilz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Yes we’re F’d!

  11. PUMA PLUG!! big surprise, but if anyone actually looks at their positions, you’d have to be dumber than dubya to vote for her…

    then again…

    I’m worried

  12. ooooooohhhhh, she’s mentioned Geraldine, Hillary and shattering that glass ceiling once and for all.

    What’s Biden gonna do?? It’ll be like squishing a puppy!

  13. …ok, ladies call me out if I’m being sexist! But the woman had a BABY 5 months ago and now she is running for VP? Who does that? How in the hell is she going to be able to focus on being a mother if she is busy doing the duties of a Vice President?!

  14. Maybe McCain was hoping for the old Eskimo tradition of sharing the wife with visitors?

    She’s going to end up like most deer caught in the headlights of a 16 wheeler. Road Kill.

    Welcome to the mainland, Sarah with an H.

  15. I watched it for 3.5 seconds and I’m not worried. She has the gravitas of a paper cup.

    Then again, that’s what I thought about Bush in 2000, so what the fuck do I know?

  16. [re=75222]Wrongavore[/re]: First e-mail back about this from my friend: ” Who is that woman and why if we have an Alaskan on a national ticket is it not Mike Gravel?” At least then the debate would be entertaining…not just…sad.

  17. Jesus Christ this site is packed today! I think that US GDP and the Dow are taking a big fucking hit today with the extreme loss of productivity across the country.

  18. federated:

    No shit. He dumped his first wife for the upgrade and the upgrade women ALWAYS look for the signs of the next upgrade.

    Buy stock in Purina folks, cause the kitty litter will be a-flying.

    Quick, look and see if Cindy’s tail is all puffy.

  19. [re=75224]ColdCupofHope[/re]: Good thing the election is before the required gestation period for such a contest!

    Unless… McCain has been planning (inseminating) this for months? That would make John Edwards look like a sainted-nun-buddha of purity.

  20. [re=75262]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: OK, you’re sexist. I think she’ll strap the kid to her chest and still be able to press the flesh.

    By the way, ladies, Alaska has a huge ratio of men to women.
    I say we caucus in Fairbanks!

  21. [re=75213]AfghanVet[/re]: …the only issue that may arise is if Biden is TOO aggressive, then they will get to cry sexism! Remember Hillary?! But besides that they should be looking for a good exorcist for the Naval Observatory because once Cheney leaves there is bound to be a few demonic spirits floating around.

  22. [re=75258]AxmxZ[/re]: Keep your laws out of my baby cave Palin! Okay, so I have boy parts but KEEP YOUR LAWS OUT OF MY GIRLFRIEND’S BABY CAVE PALIN!

    oh yes, and FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN!

  23. [re=75274]trh[/re]: Gravel would have been great 10 years ago. As much as I loved the guy it was clear from the beginning that his chances were slim.

    At least she loves…war.

  24. Isn’t this just like McCain to turn what might have been a game changer into an “unforseen” fucking mess.

    I hear the sound of 18 million teeth grinding in rage at this point.

  25. Does John McCain normally have cheerleaders at his events? That’s a pretty powerful pro-woman statement right there. I guess it makes sense that he selected a cheerleader for VP.

    Seriously, didn’t anyone else get the sense that Palin takes all the benefits hard won by true feminists in promoting her political career, and shows all the gratitude and responsibility of a spoiled beauty queen in return?

  26. [re=75312]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Before that, they played “Life Is A Highway”, in which case I believe they’re implying that McCain is the car, and Palin is the highway that he wants to ride ALL … NIGHT … LONG!

  27. I read this on another blog but loved it: McCain/Palin = father/daughter attendees at a purity ball. Those two together look really creepy.

  28. Hey…we know one thing. She can deliver all of those electoral votes from Alaska!

    What is going to be even more fun to watch is all the backslapping the conservative mouthpieces are going to be doing about “how clever they were.”

  29. [re=75287]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Biden shouldn’t go after Palin. He has to stay focused on McDoof. He’ll have to chill bigtime, but still be emphatic. If he gets coy or too jocular with her it will be perceived as partronizing.

  30. Ken sez “Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now!…”
    cripes, I have had problems connecting to TPM and Wonkette. (a first!)
    If this pick can trigger anything that can (will) be interpreted as misogynistic, expect it to be highlighted by the Republicans. Their concern is appreciated.

  31. Leah: so i’m watching palin talk
    they put the one and only black person RIGHT behind them in the shot
    me: lol
    Leah: seriously
    me: now
    Leah: he’s RIGHT IN THE SHOT
    me: did they fill up the 10K venue?
    Leah: that’s not right now, is it?
    me: i dunno
    you said you’re watching i
    PM Leah: I’m watching this speech. I have no idea if this was the 10K venue, is my point
    me: oh
    12:46 PM lol i think its supposed to be. the location they have had problems filling, lol giving away tix and stuff and bussing people in like the 60’s or something
    Leah: wow
    well, they keep only doing tight shots
    so probably not. lol
    12:47 PM me: HAHAHAHA
    oh god
    good times
    12:48 PM Leah: the republicans are just sad
    12:52 PM me: heehee
    12:56 PM Leah: okay, they are crazy
    they just listed some facts about sarah palin
    the first one “resident of alaska since 1964”
    me: how she was mayor of some town of 9K
    Leah: she was born in 1964
    me: and has been gov for 2 years
    12:57 PM of alaska
    Leah: ain’t nothin’ up there but ice
    me: which probably has like 20K people in it
    Leah: seriously
    me: google up her kids names
    you’ll love it
    sounds like she was naming a pack of sled dogs
    Leah: oh god
    12:58 PM sounder
    12:59 PM she eats moose hamburgers
    1:00 PM one of her kids is named TRIG?
    me: LOL
    Leah: that’s the poor down syndrome baby
    me: thank you
    1:01 PM Leah: I’m actually surprised there’s not one named Patch
    or Sounder
    me: what are all the names of the kids’
    1:04 PM Leah: Trig joins siblings Track, 18, Bristol, 17, Willow, 13, and Piper
    I bet she keeps having kids ’cause she thinks birth control is “abortion”
    me: i guess so is swallowing… LOLOLOLOL
    I kinda want to make that my new status. lol
    “swallowing is abortion”
    but I won’t
    me: read this, you’ll like it

  32. Wow, that was… underwhelming. She seems like a nice lady, though. The AP of her teenage daughter is one of those wonderful moments when kids show you reality with their faces. That family has no idea what they’re in for.

    And whoever is the music supervisor at the McCain campaign should be marched into the street and shot. It seems extreme, but linking your VP to Crystal Gravy followed by a bunch of “let’s have sex all night” songs is an odd, truly loony choice.


  33. Is that hair thing on the top of her head alive? No wait, it’s a critter she shot and had taxidermyed. Shit! What a buzzkill from my euphoria last night!

  34. [re=75262]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You forgot the Down’s Syndrome part.

    That’s actually the first thing I noticed. There’s nothing saying that the parent of a developmentally challenged child cannot hold a tough job, but campaigning for vice president means that she pretty much disappearing for 2+ months, or trying to care for a very difficult infant at on the campaign trail.

    BAD judgment on her part. MEGAFAIL

  35. [re=75214]Wagamuffin[/re]: “Her hubby is a world class snow machine racer.”

    Correction: Her hubby is a CHEATING world class CHEATY CRASHY snow machine CHEATER.

    Well, I guess they’ve nailed down the crucial Sleazy Snowmobile Racers With Hot Drinky Wives demographic. To go with Senator Walnuts’s Sleazy Husbands Looking For New Hot Wives demographic.


    From the latter:

    “February 15, 2008 – 9:09pm | Skeptical1

    Crash is news but nothing last year re penalty for cheating?

    Why is this minor injury crash (among many in the Irondog this year) newsworthy when you failed to even mention in ADN coverage of the race last year that Palin/Davis were caught cheating in Nome, working off the clock on their machines, and given a controversial slap-on-the-wrist 10 minute penalty for the cheating when many Irondog fans thought the penalty should have been 1-10 hours. That incident was newsworthy– race followers are still talking about it this year.

    login or register to post comments | flag this »

    February 17, 2008 – 12:10pm | cjdraveling1


    Oh, Plllleeeezzzz….his wifey is the governor and at that time high up with the politicians. They wouldn’t want the governor’s skeletons to be let out of the closet….she was quite the snowmachine drunk on their weekends at the Forks Roadhouse in Peters Creek too. Guess that makes a good choice for election of officer of some sort in the political realm! There is sooooo much publicity and advertisements on the name Palin, it makes me want to barf!!! There are others in this world too besides Sara and Todd!!!”

  36. The Repubs are really talking up her pro-life / Down’s Syndrome baby angle. Apparently every time a librul has a retard baby they wait until the late term and then abort it.

  37. Also, all you gay people? If you wanted to be equal, you should have thought about that before you decided to be gay:

    “Palin said she’s not out to judge anyone and has good friends who are gay, but that she supported the 1998 constitutional amendment (to reverse an Alaska Supreme Court ruling that same-sex partners of public employees couldn’t be denied spousal benefits (e.g. health insurance)).

    Elected officials can’t defy the court when it comes to how rights are applied, she said, but she would support a ballot question that would deny benefits to homosexual couples.

    “I believe that honoring the family structure is that important,” Palin said.

    She said she doesn’t know if people choose to be gay.”

  38. Ugh.. and the Republicans have a problem with Obama “not having enough experience”.

    She has way less political experience than he does. Well, at last she can add basketball star and snowmobile racer to her list of accomplishments. Maybe she and Barry can have a shoot off? Barry does play a mean game of basketball.

    Thank you McCain, for thinking that women who supported Hillz will vote for you just because you chose a woman as you vp pick. it’s all about the lady parts and not the know-how. Woot! *applause*

  39. [re=75219]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: The fundies are going to hate him?
    They’re going to LOVE him for this. This was a total play to the “Women Must Have Every Baby No-Matter-What Evangelicals Loving Mel Gibson’s Bleeding Jesus” faction.

    Have you seen the pictures of her with an AR-15?

    The Guns/Pro-Life crowd may actually show up to vote now.

  40. man, you guys were the first thing I thought of when I heard this news through my hangover this morning. CONGRATULATIONS WONKETTE/GILF ’08!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. This just in, Kate Harris’ reaction:

    “No fair. I’m just as cute. Plus, my track record proves I can deliver Florida. I can do it again.”

  42. [re=75286]Wagamuffin[/re]: [re=75372]4tehlulz[/re]: …she hasn’t even past the end of what be normal maternity leave(6 months). Every expert in child development would say the first year(some argue a year and a half) of a child’s life is the most important. Hence the reason why most European countries mandate a minimum of a year of maternity leave. This doesn’t even factor in the fact that her child is developmentally challenged. What I was pointing out is the fact that her husband works as a oil tech and she is running for VP. This leaves an obvious vacuum in parenting, especially when she and her husband have FOUR other kids. Most Presidents and VP’s have kids, but what separates Sara Palin from them isn’t her sex its the AGE of her child. If a Vice President has 2 hours out of the day to deal with their children I would be surprised. Don’t you think that would have a detrimental effect on a child so young and not mention with developmental issues?

  43. [re=75421]ProfessorJukes[/re]: I think a lot of the fundie crowd will be angry she’s in the workplace, not in the kitchen looking after her retarded baby (and the other kids). But still, she’s like a horrible lab experiment in which they combined Dan Quayle, Geraldine Ferraro and Tina Fey (only without the brain). This has all the makings of a Lifetime Original Movie when McCain croaks.

  44. [re=75244]AfghanVet[/re]:

    Right now…as she speaks…McCain is thinking:

    Holy…fucking…shit. Can I get a do-over. WHO THE FUCK CONVINCED ME OF THIS!!!???

    Hah! Second guessing and introspection from McCain? I think not.

  45. It’s a sign of how dirty minds think alike that I’m apparently the eleventy billionth person who instantly thought “VPILF!” Unfortunately, involuntarily, the image of Joe Biden ran into my head almost immediately thereafter and I had to recuse myself, heading to the vomitorium.

  46. She was only a mayor 4 years ago but now look at her, sizzling HOT!
    Biden with his 38 Senator year experience is no competition too her sexy.

    I can hear McCain’s inner voice he is saying:

    Man shes hot got a nice everything …
    Shit gotta look away … don’t be creepy … don’t be creepy …
    Look at that blazer all crisp and full and round …
    wrong .. wrong … remember they can’t see you looking …
    Oooh and she has nice pants on they follow the curve …
    Look away man … you just have to look away …
    keep looking away …
    look away …
    wait will they notice I am not looking at her …
    Naw I stay looking away …
    Maybe if i look at her eyes?
    doh thats not the eyes, quick look away …

  47. The McCain camp is hoping to bring over Hilary’s steadfast supporters by
    putting a woman on the ticket (she took no time in mentioning Hilary in her
    acceptance speech and claiming women were “not done”). And I in no way want
    to discount the historical significance of this election (with an
    African-American candidate for President and a female candidate for V.P.),
    but I can’t help but point out that the McCain camp seems to be hoping that
    women choose to vote for McCain-Palin just because Palin shares the same
    chromosome make up. Gov. Palin may be a woman, she has things McCain
    doesn’t, like breasts and youth, but it’s as if they said, “Hilary is a woman, right? Okay,
    well, Sarah is too!! And all women are the same right? We’ll put one on the
    ticket and they will come!”

  48. The major flaw in McCain’s evil plan to take over the world is that he made his VP choice based on the assumption that Hilltards are angry that a woman was not selected as the Dems’ Presidential candidate. This is not the case. The REAL issue the PUMAS have isn’t that a woman wasn’t selected, it’s that the MORE QUALIFIED woman was brushed aside for the young, attractive, smooth talking voice-like-melted-chocolate less qualified man. So I’m not so sure his tactic of including a woman on the ticket will be enough. Surely voters are smart enough to see that Palin brings NOTHING to the table and would make a crap president. Aren’t they? Shit, we’re doomed.

  49. [re=75479]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s not even her baby. It’s her daughters. But even if it is she went to the baby well one to many times as evidence of the extra chromosome. She only took three days of from work as Gov. she is creepy.

  50. [re=75479]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Well, we have had Members of Parliament basically squat on the floor of the House of Commons and pretty much carry on from there. This would indicate a fairly robust national health service too, I imagine *wink*. We breed ’em strong in the GWN!

    On a more serious note, as the sister of a developmentally challenged sib, I can say that that child reppresents a wonderful opportunity for all Americans on two fronts: 1) that physicall and mentally handicapped people are seen as the new “normal”—in that, in the old days, kids with Downs were pretty much shuttered away. Stimulus is a good thing. I have no doubt that the Palin child will be receiving the best care it can have, from mother and the other caregivers who will be involved in his life. AngryBlackGuy, many other American moms have to work, regardless, all through their kid’s life plus have the added duties that raising such kids entails.

    Which brings me to. 2) Quite frankly, this baby is an opportunity–it may bring some focus to an issue that anyone who has had a handicapped, or cerebral palsied, or autistic, or blind or brain damaged child knows all to well—that these children ARE second class citizens. The services and educational opportunites available to them are mostly crap. You can’t even get TA’s in most elementary schools now. Most parents are on their own all through a handicapped child’s life. Yes, there are charities in each of these areas, many offering services, but many too that are mostly on the R&D track for a cure. So, what happens to MOST people day-to- day? Pretty much a struggle/heartache to find services, competent people to train them, etc. (Shout out to Premier Gordon Campbell of British Columbia—I’m talking to you too, dick-head!!!!)

    I might not love all that Sarah Palin stands for, and Allah knows this could be a gong show (I sure hope so!). But I hope that she will not be raked over the coals over this issue. While I am not a professional cynic (I only play one on TV) and while I do not have kids of my own, I may well represent “every woman” who says “Hands off our bodies” as well as “Mother Knows Best”.

  51. [re=75479]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: PS We have a one year mat leave in Canada, too. I agree that mommy time is important for bonding. But somehow, I don’t think they’ll be leaving the child in its room for 4 years should Mom hit the jackpot. Down’s babies have one incredible ability that most of us don’t. They love everyone.

  52. When they vetted Sarah P, did Sarah return the favor by telling WALNUTS that Alaskans call them snowmachines, not snowmobiles. Freakin’ flatlander.

  53. jagorev, she may well be called an ‘advocate’ but she sure as hell sounded more like a sorority-girl cheerleader than she did a valid Veep candidate…

    but she is hot indeed…. until she opens her mouth.. I think Bill Clinton’s solution would take care of that. (You know, the whole she can’t talk with her mouth full) :)

  54. Oh, shit, I just got it! Sarah’s our veep ’cause we need to take a tough stance against Rooshia. They are effing with Georgia now, but this proves that they won’t get their vodka-chapped mitts on their former colony/otter killing field.

    What can Joe Biden say? Hands off Delaware? That’ll keep the Swedes from recolonizing ’em.

  55. It hasn’t been proved that the baby is actually her daughter’s baby. Her pregnant daughter was due to drop one this summer, but of course that’s been hushed up. I couldn’t tell from the TV today if her daughter still looked prego.

    Here’s what you need to know about Palin: The story is that she went into the first stage of labor while she was out of town, in Houston or something. She still boarded a flight to try to make it to Alaska before dropping the kid. She was in full-on labor on the plane!

    Her reason: If your kid is born in Alaska it automatically receives the annual Permanent Fund Big Oil Tax Payment, which this year is going to be about $13,000 for every living Alaskan. Palin’s family will receive close to a million, if my math is correct.

  56. [re=75262]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Actually it was her slut teen daughter Bristol who got knocked up this past year, and they faked the Gov. G^MILF’s pregnancy to keep it all the downlow… pretty wild.

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