Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we’re liveblogging it. She’s a pretty girl, so we guess she’s qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.
12:19 PM — McCain is in a … high-school auditorium? Cameras won’t show anything beyond the floor.
12:19 PM — McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he’s slathered in orange makeup.
12:20 PM — Now he’s getting angry at the small crowd for singing him “Happy Birthday.”
12:21 PM — “Read My Book!”
12:21 PM — So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.
12:21 PM — Ha ha, he wants to “shake up Washington.” Maybe he could remodel his houses there!
12:22 PM — Now he’s promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.
12:22 PM — Soon we’ll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil’ John McCain.
12:24 PM — Tough to see if he’s on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin’s on the ticket.
12:25 PM — “She’s a standout high-school point guard.” Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?
12:25 PM — “A mother of five.” CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!
12:31 PM — Palin about her husband: “And he’s a world-class snowmobile racer!” Jesus, she’s at a junior high pep rally.
12:39 PM — She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.
12:40 PM — Ha ha, she can’t pronounce “heroism.”
12:44 PM — Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.
12:45 PM — Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there’s the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.
12:47 PM — Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!