Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!

Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we're liveblogging it. She's a pretty girl, so we guess she's qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.

12: 19 PM -- McCain is in a ... high-school auditorium? Cameras won't show anything beyond the floor.

12: 19 PM -- McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he's slathered in orange makeup.

12: 20 PM -- Now he's getting angry at the small crowd for singing him "Happy Birthday."

12: 21 PM -- "Read My Book!"

12: 21 PM -- So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.

12: 21 PM -- Ha ha, he wants to "shake up Washington." Maybe he could remodel his houses there!

12: 22 PM -- Now he's promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.

12: 22 PM -- Soon we'll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil' John McCain.

12: 24 PM -- Tough to see if he's on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin's on the ticket.

12: 25 PM -- "She's a standout high-school point guard." Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?

12: 25 PM -- "A mother of five." CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!

12: 31 PM -- Palin about her husband: "And he's a world-class snowmobile racer!" Jesus, she's at a junior high pep rally.

12: 39 PM -- She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.

12: 40 PM -- Ha ha, she can't pronounce "heroism."

12: 44 PM -- Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.

12: 45 PM -- Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there's the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.

12: 47 PM -- Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!