GILF  12:45 pm August 29, 2008

A Children’s Treasury Of Wonkette Posts About Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin

by Sara K. Smith

Historians will always remember the day when the esteemed objective reporting bastion called Wonkette assured the nation that there was no fucking way Sarah Palin would ever be John McCain’s pick for vice president. Let’s look back at all the other times we wrote completely accurate and truthful things about Sarah Palin.

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 186 comments }

Larry McAwful August 29, 2008 at 12:47 pm

America is truly a land of opportunity. In a lot of other democracies, Sara Palin’s ethics probe would likely ruin her political career. Not in America!

tiny mexican August 29, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Didn’t Kristol predict she’d be the pick?

ewww… him being right about something feels so dirty and wrong.

graceless August 29, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Come on, she’s the hottest VP candidate we’ve ever had. I think she used to be a beauty queen. But let’s not let any of that deter us from the big hair jokes.

RooseveltFranklin August 29, 2008 at 12:53 pm

It will take one episode of McCain having an erection lasting longer than 4 hours to make her acting President.
President by Priapism.

Sean O August 29, 2008 at 12:53 pm

America has officially become a reverse-meritocracy, or at least it has on the R side. Obama runs the best campaign by a democrat in decades, and revolutionizes the industry. Grumpus was tortured for 5 1/2 years (without a kitchen table), and Palin didn’t make Alaska explode in 18 months.

well done.

slavojzizek August 29, 2008 at 12:54 pm

On a slightly serious note–Sarah Palin has a child who is four months old. Can you imagine a woman running for national office as a Democrat with a four month old child? You would never hear the end of the right wing radio shits going on about how she doesn’t care about her family. Eventually the mainstream media would act as if this is some sort of serious issue. But Sarah Palin will benefit from the fact that the Democrats like working women enough to not insult her. Unfair.

Larry McAwful August 29, 2008 at 12:55 pm

I predicted it, myself, but then I unpredicted it once they started the ethics probe on her. I figured they’d never pick her after that. This is even more shocking than if McCain would have picked Ben Stein.

Personally, I was hoping for Larry Craig. Because, you know, we’re both named Larry. It would be cool. People named John get presidents with their name all the time. It’s my turn!

AnnieGetYourFun August 29, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Where’s the post where she said that Jesus already did Obama’s job? Or did I just dream that?

AngryBlakGuy August 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm

…everyone on Wonkette should donate a dollar to WALNUTS!, because he just supplied us with a never ending barrel of snark for a long, long time!!!

knoxtheharpy August 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm

If Walnuts was in the market for an inexperienced governor of an irrelevant state, why didn’t he take Jim Gibbons off my hands?

sailingthestyx August 29, 2008 at 12:58 pm

whoa…Cindy better keep a tight leash on Johnny-boy…Sarah has the young thang going for her; might have fresh bucks and cool house props due to contractors who love her, being a politician and what-not from Alaska…

AnnieGetYourFun August 29, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: Yes, but IN THIS CASE, it proves just what a family woman she really is, and how much she fucking loves her country. Because she’s taking her baby on tour with her. Which is proof of sorts. If you are a mouth-breathing moran (like roughly 50% of the American people).

jagorev August 29, 2008 at 12:59 pm

She smoked pot, and doesn’t pussy foot around trying to deny it: http://dwb.adn.com/news/politics/elections/governor06/story/8049298p-7942233c.html

Monsieur Grumpe August 29, 2008 at 12:59 pm

Poor, poor Mittens. I bet he’s beating his dog right now.

Rush August 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Wonder wonder Lieberman is doing right now…at least he still has Hadassah

AngryBlakGuy August 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm

…hotter: Sarah Palin or Michelle Obama?

Michelle by a mile, or whatever distance that Jamaican guy beat everyone else in the 100m!

SwanSwanH August 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm

I hate to be as cynical as John McCain was with this pick, but I noticed that he had to read her name when he introduced her.

tunamelt August 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=75310]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That was someone else, wasn’t it?

jagorev August 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=75310]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That was Michelle Bachmann

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Wow, and they’ve lasted a whole hour before they had a policy disagreement. Commence the explosive deconstruction of the Rebuttlicans.

jamesttt August 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Maybe when she comes to DC she will live in <a href=”http://dcmetrocentric.com/2008/08/21/mccains-dc-metro-pad/”McCains Super Fly Condo with her first Dude, because there is no way she will feel comfortable in Observatory Circle, there isn’t enough oil!

Would it be second dude? or Vice Dude, what is her husband going to be called??????

jamesttt August 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Maybe when she comes to DC she will live in McCains Super Fly Condo with her first Dude, because there is no way she will feel comfortable in Observatory Circle, there isn’t enough oil!

Would it be second dude? or Vice Dude, what is her husband going to be called??????

Texan Bulldoggette August 29, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Okay, I’ll be the first person to say it, but her hairdo drives me up the wall already. What’s with the upswept mop look? Reminds me of that blonde on Cold Case–really annoying.

TGY August 29, 2008 at 1:12 pm

[re=75323]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Poor bastard. The dog, I mean.

tunamelt August 29, 2008 at 1:13 pm

[re=75349]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I feel bad now because that’s kind of how I did my hair today, but the reasons were different. I was too hungover/high this morning to take a shower.

I can’t think of what excuse to make for her.

TGY August 29, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Although, you know, I am cheered by the fact that 3 out of 4 people in the race are sane, rational people. The odds are good.

I’m not counting Ron Paul.

PS: WONKETTE ES BROKE! Or has severe issues.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=75297]graceless[/re]: Shame on you! Hopey is the hottest candidate of the season.

graceless August 29, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=75349]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You might be the best, so far, but you’re not the first. http://wonkette.com/402357/a-childrens-treasury-of-wonkette-posts-about-republican-vice-presidential-candidate-sarah-palin#comment-75297

populucious August 29, 2008 at 1:18 pm

[re=75339]jamesttt[/re]: He will be called The Second Man, and it’s just a damn shame that Carol Reed is no longer with us to direct a great film noir about his life as a snow mobile salesman, or Alaskan Baby Daddy, or whatever it is exactly that he is.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=75356]TGY[/re]: Uh, do we really know whether she’s sane or rational? She got into politics two weeks ago…

AfghanVet August 29, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Enjoy true cognitive dissonance. This is so bad, I think these people need to be treated for shock.

http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/

Advocatus_Diaboli August 29, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: But the question on every (male) Wonketters’ mind is, will she breast feed on the campaign trail??!!

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 1:22 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: THAT is what fills me with a seething, evil, angry RAGE. The GOP having the NERVE to act like they’re some progressive party, when this is pandering in its most disgusting, Rovian form. She’s their stupid little painted puppet. It’s SICK. It’s sexist. I hope to GOD people see through this, but I’m skeptical. I’m seething. I want Hillary to decapitate her. And I want WALNUTS! to go down in flames.

Vanity Smurf August 29, 2008 at 1:22 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: The Jesus freaks will take care of that for us. They are going to be horrified and want to know who’s going to raise those children. The Mormans will add this to their bitterness that Mittens was passed over too. This is the most epic EPIC FAIL in the history of the world.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 29, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Hey didn’t Obama make a speech or something last night? I can’t find any information about it on the news.

mookworthjwilson August 29, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=75366]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: No…will she breastfeed in the open on live tv??? And does anyone have any pictures of her clubbing baby seals?

njdon August 29, 2008 at 1:25 pm

certainly worthy of republicans. in the iditatod, an alaskan event, they put the bitch in front of the rest of the dogs because she is smarter.

TGY August 29, 2008 at 1:26 pm

[re=75364]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: Wikipedia cannot lie.

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 1:26 pm

She makes Kitty Harris look like Madeleine Albright.

HomoElectus August 29, 2008 at 1:26 pm

wow, reading the old posts really makes me nostalgic for the days when we thought McCain was going to lose in november.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm

[re=75371]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Are you kidding? Republicans just said a woman is good enough to be a man’s sidekick. That’s NEWS.

Nathan Arizona Sr. August 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Hot damn, I think this little woman is going to be a disaster. Now Hillz and her people will have to vote for Obama because if McCain wins she will most likely become the first woman president, given McCain has maybe a year or two left on his ticker.

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm

[re=75371]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! God, WALNUTS! really did it this time. We’ve gotta hand it to him. People are FINALLY paying attention to grandpa.

OffTheRecord August 29, 2008 at 1:28 pm

[re=75369]NoWireHangers[/re]: I am having the exact same reaction. I just yelled at no less than three members of my Hillary loving family. Why must the god awful republican events happen on holiday weekends when I am trapped with my family? This ugly episode ended with me leave the room screaming about how I wanted my 20 more cents an hour dammit.

StrangelyBrown August 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Please, please, PLEASE, Wonkette, can you send someone up to Alaska to recover the videotape from her 1984 Miss Alaska runner-up performance? America needs to know how she did in the stupid question-and-answer phase and we need to know NOW! These are vital historical records that must be preserved, dammit!

Also documentation of her talent portion would be nice, too. I’m hoping it went something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wffwg7pA0t8

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=75381]OffTheRecord[/re]: This morning I was driving to work with Barry’s speech fresh in my mind. I felt so happy, so OPTIMISTIC. Now, I can’t stop refreshing Wonkette, shooting off ranty emails, sending off “messages” at the Hillary website begging her to say something to quell this tide of crazy. I don’t know how I’m going to concentrate or forget about this and enjoy my weekend. FUCK YOU WALNUTS! I always hated you, but I REALLY hate you now.

Advocatus_Diaboli August 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=75376]NoWireHangers[/re]: FT effing W!!!!

[re=75373]mookworthjwilson[/re]: She either clubs them or drowns them in light sweet crude; either way is a win for the climate change deniers and other rightwing whack jobs.

Also, she apparently hates polar bears: http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2008/08/palins_war_on_polar_bears.php

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Are there any wide shots of Nutter center or wherever the fuck it was WALNUTS! was giving this piece of shit speech? Did he ever get rid of those 10K extra tickets or did they just bus in inmates to fill the gaps?

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 1:36 pm

[re=75379]Nathan Arizona Sr.[/re]: As me and NWH were saying on the other thread, Hilz has to get up on one of those Sunday morning shows and eviscerate Glasses! like a deer getting taxidermied. She does that, and it completely counters anything WalNUTS! gained from this little maneuver.

tunamelt August 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=75386]NoWireHangers[/re]: There’s no way this can’t blow up in their faces, though. Maybe I’m being overly optimistic but like, she’s a ridiculous choice.

Buffy and Hildegard August 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm

I’m sorry, but I don’t get all the posts about her “hotness.” She’s got the totally typical, pinched-lipped, over-mascaraed eyelash, square-jawed Republican chick face with the big hair. Hot? Huh?

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=75339]jamesttt[/re]: her bitch!

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 1:38 pm

[re=75331]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Sir, though I am usually 100% in agreement with you on on all issues, I must disagree this one time. For all her hotness and smartness, Michelle kind of looks pissed (in the American sense) all the time–even when she’s obviously happy–which stresses me out a little.

Palin, though a retard-gene spreading creationist who might actually be dumber than a haddock, is a stone-cold GILFy fox of the highest magnitude. Absolutely doable.

Then again, I am racist.

PS: The Wonkette is broken.

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=75395]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: What–you’d rather spite fuck Mother Teresa?

grendel August 29, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Did anyone else see the Futurama where they were having the time skips? I keep having the feeling that it’s suddenly going to be January and I’m watching Walnuts and his granddaughter Palin at the inauguration, and I’m like “WTF JUST HAPPENED? HOW DID THEY WIN?!?!”

njdon August 29, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=75394]tunamelt[/re]: biden will have to go easy on her. remember when hill was running for the senate, her opponent just walked toward her and it was interpreted as a threat.

WIDTAP August 29, 2008 at 1:43 pm

I hope some of our Wonkette history buffs can help out here – has any American ever actually humped the VPOTUS in the Oval Office before? No? Not even some GHWB on Quayle action?

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 1:44 pm

[re=75371]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: that’s exactly how rush scumbag opened his show today…

and he’s been cumming all over hisself ever since! he’s absolutely ecstatic — or at least he’s spinning that he’s absolutely ecstatic.

d4g33z August 29, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Ok, its pure comedy gold. But now I have to seriously contemplate the prospect of Sarah P. being the fucking president of mighty USA!! We’re through the looking glass here people…

RooseveltFranklin August 29, 2008 at 1:46 pm

I have no opinion on her fuckability, but when you slap on the french manicured acrylic nails, the 10k gold, the scrunchie and the QVC ensemble, she is not nearly polished enough to be VP. Stacy and Clinton from “What Not To Wear” should have ambushed her at the end of the event. She needs to cut that fucking hair off or let it down, but the prom hair is an embarrassment.

tonashideska August 29, 2008 at 1:47 pm

I’m hoping that Palin does a Megan Marshack on Mccain.

Sussemilch August 29, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Q: Who is Sarah Palin?
A: Someone shorter and more pleasant to look at than John McCain.

tunamelt August 29, 2008 at 1:47 pm

He should have just nominated a polar bear.

Buffy and Hildegard August 29, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=75414]tunamelt[/re]: He basically just nominated a lactating rifle. Same thing.

Not_So_Much August 29, 2008 at 1:51 pm

The republicans eating their own on this pick will be hil-fucking-arious!

Rich, old, white men everywhere are torn between wanting to pull their financial support and seeing if they can hook up with her.

Advocatus_Diaboli August 29, 2008 at 1:52 pm

[re=75404]njdon[/re]: Good point, and I think it’s part of the logic behind the choice – Biden could have that retard for breakfast every day, but now he’ll be crucified if he so much as looks at her sideways. Hopefully, they’re realize that and just let the VP debate slide so that Biden can use his real skills on Grampy.

KevoTron August 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm

[re=75354]tunamelt[/re]: The more I learn about you the more I like you.

StrangelyBrown August 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm

[re=75394]tunamelt[/re]: No doubt. Hillary may have been mad at Barry for the VP snub, but she has to be *pissed* at McCain now for rubbing her nose in it. Maybe she would have sat on her hands and campaigned halfheartedly for Obama while biding her time until 2012 before this, but now she’s got to be saying to herself that there’s no way Palin is getting to the White House before her (although I imagine she’s saying it far less politely). Look for her to cut a pro-Barack swath of destruction across this country this fall that would make Sherman cringe. And since she’s not the VP nominee, no one in the campaign can be held accountable for anything she says…

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 1:54 pm

[re=75414]tunamelt[/re]: The polar bear would have won the Green vote.

Every picture of Glasses! and WalNUTS! I’ve seen looks like Tina Fey standing proud with Frasier Crane’s dad, if he had an aneurysm.

njdon August 29, 2008 at 1:55 pm

[re=75406]WIDTAP[/re]: mccain will not have a problem being celibate in the oval office (or anyplace else). i’m worried that celibacy in the oval office for obama for 8 years may be a problem.

OffTheRecord August 29, 2008 at 1:56 pm

[re=75386]NoWireHangers[/re]: I had to turn off the TV. I wanted to hurt Mika or whatever the fuck her name was. So she has five kids. Good job. This does not qualify you to be VP. I can say this because I have the ovaries. It just fucking kills me. I want her ripped to fucking shreds by Hillary, every freaking democratic woman in congress, and every woman’s group in America. I want blood dammit. Gaaa. My hope buzz has been killed. And it was such a glorious feeling too. Sad.

Also, I have decided that since everyone was throwing the Andrew Shepherd reference with Obama’s speech last night that Biden should go Jeb Bartlett on her ass in the debates. There is no way he is not going to look like an ass so he should just go for it. I want my Sorkin presidency now! Christ, I am drunk with rage.

Texan Bulldoggette August 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Hey, because of the resemblance Tina Fey now has 2 good months of work for her on SNL. Hope she can master that Canadian/Alaskan/whatever the hell accent it is that Mother Sarah has. (And I thought Southern accents were annoying!)

smellyal8r August 29, 2008 at 2:00 pm

And the collective “Sarah Who?” went up across the land. You gotta hand it to the WALNUTS forces though…stringing this thing out all morning so no one was talking about the Obama speech (or constantly interrupting themselves to tell us that Mitt Romney had just taken his morning dump in his own home) and stole the news cycle. Alaska? Really? Three electoral votes, a US Senator who’s as crooked as Dan Rostenkowski and a four-month-old to feed (though he’s the one with Downs Syndrome and John Roberts helpfully praised her for “going through with the pregnancy”). For this kind of stuff, the GOP is the master, Dems are but poor seconds.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 29, 2008 at 2:01 pm

I read somewhere that she is a strict creationist. Discuss.

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=75427]OffTheRecord[/re]: I HATE THE GOP. They take strong, intelligent, accomplished women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama and TEAR THEM DOWN. They SLANDER THEM. Then they hold up some SIMPY, SWEET, PRETTY THING as their “FEMINIST WARRIOR”. They’re USING PALIN. It’s INSULTING. WE WILL FIGHT. AND WE WILL FUCKING WIN.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:05 pm

[re=75440]smellyal8r[/re]: Ugh, talk about a short-term gain. If Barry “Righteous Indignation” Obama is the new tone of the Dems’ campaign, WalNUTS! is going to get shredded eight ways to Tuesday.

[re=75427]OffTheRecord[/re]: I would actually feel patriotism for the first time in my life. I am behind the idea of a Hillary Scorched-Fucking-Earth campaign.

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=75442]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: As I said before, dumb as a fucking haddock.

PentagonBookkeeper August 29, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=75363]populucious[/re]:
Her husband, Todd, has been Mr. Mom which explains how their family functions. He had to quit his nice job with BP, because of the conflict of interest once Sarah became Gov.

“He can go on just an hour or two of sleep a night. He says, ‘I can sleep when I die,’ ” said Sarah Palin. “There is no way I could have done this job without his tremendous contributions to the home life. He’s able to keep it organized, like a well-oiled machine.”
http://dwb.adn.com/news/politics/v-printer/story/8924080p-8824177c.html

Isn’t it dangerous to be sleep deprived, like, in general? And now they’ve got the wee one with special needs and I would think Trig’s mama’s titties and her time would be really important. Not to be dissin’, but maybe “Family First” would be better for her than, “Country First”. We thought Bill wandering around the White House looking for something to do would be scary. How will Todd function? I’m guessing they’ll get a really hot French aupair, and a full time nurse, and Todd can pick things back up with BP. Sarah did describe his awesomeness running their home as a “well-oiled machine”. I’m sure he will still smell the essential sweet crude oils that Cheney has left behind. And King Oil will continue his rule over the hamlets across this great land. ENOUGH!!!!

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=75426]njdon[/re]: Um, Hopey is married to a beautiful woman, not a plastic Barbie filled with bone china. He’s not going to be celibate for the next 8 years. McCain probably can’t get it up without the pump.

S.Luggo August 29, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=75387]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]:
Palin: Polar Bears Are a Threat to American Freedom http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article3987891.ece

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=75442]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: All I have to add is that she’s a moron. But it’d be suicide, politically, to bring up that her beliefs are wrong, and stupid. She can use it as a plus, though.

Whatever. I just hope she ends up alone in a dark alley with OffTheRecord and NoWireHangers.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 29, 2008 at 2:10 pm

[re=75407]whatever_dc[/re]: I can’t believe this election cycle has turned me into a Rush Limbaugh clone. I need to re-evaluate things.

natteringnaybob August 29, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Still can only play golf on women’s day at the club.

njdon August 29, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=75440]smellyal8r[/re]: btw, peggy noonan earlier this am said she was glad that obama didn’t use the sympathy card (re: head cancer and using their head s a bowling ball) to exploit the electorate. now it looks like the republicans will play up the downs syndrome thing.

dear peggy
what about downs syndrome heads bowling balls?

Scarab August 29, 2008 at 2:12 pm

She was selected by McCain because of her experience with diapers.

grendel August 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=75427]OffTheRecord[/re]: Fuck yeah! Rip her ass to shreds, Joe! She’ll cry and people will say he’s a mean bastard, but do you really want someone who has to be protected like that one feeble heartbeat away from the Presidency? It’s time for the Democratic party to take off the damn kid gloves and just go bloody their fucking faces.

And I want my Sorkin presidency too! Holy hell, the letdown between the fairy tale of West Wing and the reality of Dubya is so depressing! I want someone smarter than me as the damn President, is that so much to ask (well, maybe, because I’m fucking brilliant, but still)?

S.Luggo August 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=75442]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Not quite. Palin believes that the Theory of Evolution should taught side-by-side with the theory that Darwin killed Jesus and both the Kennedys.
http://scienceblogs.com/afarensis/2006/10/27/intelligent_design_and_the_ala/

regisgoat August 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm

I’m really furious at Walnuts, too. I was afraid he’d go here. How the hell is Biden supposed to debate that woman without looking like a bastard. She’s really nice in her place, which is up there in Mooseland, but for Christ’s sake, anyway.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm

She’s proud of her creationist views:

http://dwb.adn.com/news/politics/elections/story/8347904p-8243554c.html

[re=75447]edgydrifter[/re]: Haddocks have survived millions of years on their wits (unless you believe Sarah) so give them a break.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=75451]S.Luggo[/re]: By Odin’s bristling beard, this chick is a fucking LOONY. She is the living embodiment of some demonized IDEA of a Repug portrayed in a Michael Moore movie. I didn’t think people like this actually existed.

CivicHoliday August 29, 2008 at 2:17 pm

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH. This was NOT supposed to be my happy day-after-hopefest. I was supposed to revel in the glory of the democratic party, supposed to revel in media attention and douchebags like Pat Robertson gushing over how great Obama is, but NOOOOOO, WALNUTS had to bring out the downs-syndrom pruducing uterus on a stick to wave it in our faces. Bitch, it’s ON!

grendel August 29, 2008 at 2:18 pm

[re=75466]S.Luggo[/re]: Interestingly, the Constitution of the United States of America disagrees with her..

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 2:19 pm

[re=75404]njdon[/re]: Yeah – but Lazio was creepy. Palin’s a gun-totin, pro-life, creationist with 80′s prom hair.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Let’s say McCain drops dead tomorrow. Who gets the nod, then? Palin? Romney?

Discuss.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:20 pm

[re=75468]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: From that article- “Asked for her personal views on evolution, Palin said, “I believe we have a creator.”

She would not say whether her belief also allowed her to accept the theory of evolution as fact.

“I’m not going to pretend I know how all this came to be,” she said.”

Here’s an idea– READ A FREAKING TEXTBOOK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU IDIOT!

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Has anyone else noticed, BTW, that Palin is Governor of a state that’s younger than McCain?

AfghanVet August 29, 2008 at 2:23 pm

The repubs are so pushing the upside of her having ovaries. They are so used to single-issue voters that they think that they will honestly get a large block of women to vote for them because they have a woman on the ticket. BAD calculation.

They will have relatively NO time to shape “her story” and all the little wacky quirks one can have at the local level are going to get blown up big time!

Being gay is a choice, creationism, etc…again, I actually feel sorry for her. When this is over, she is going to regret she ever got involved.

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 2:24 pm

[re=75468]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: No, haddocks have survived millions of (or just over 6,000) years by spawning like mad. Come to think of it, that’s the Palin plan, too.

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=75478]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: Was she referring to her job?

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 2:25 pm

I didn’t think I’d feel so personally offended by WALNUTS!’ choice, but the more it sinks in, the more I seethe with the fire of a thousand burning nuns. I can’t believe how incredibly stupid he must think we are as a gender to believe we’d just blindly follow anything with ovaries.

Release the Hillary. She must be avenged.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:26 pm

[re=75483]edgydrifter[/re]: I wonder if a Down Syndrome-esqe haddock tastes different?

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 2:26 pm

[re=75478]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: You soooo know she called Sonny Perdue down in Georgia to make sure he was OK when she heard about the Russian invasion.

JadedDIssonance August 29, 2008 at 2:27 pm

[re=75365]AfghanVet[/re]: Wow, they can’t spell worth beans. I guess keyboards are tough to manipulate when they are covered with cheeto powder.

I think that this is the ultimate pander. Hilltardz loved Hillz cuz she is SMART. This lady looks like she drives a mean minivan…
This is embarrassing for women, especially self-respecting republican women. Especially given ‘ol McChauve’s history of degrading remarks and medieval policies towards women, I don’t see that this will help him at all.

tunamelt August 29, 2008 at 2:28 pm

[re=75481]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: brilliant.

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=75487]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Why not? He did.

whiteasasheet August 29, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=75481]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Excellent!

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 2:31 pm

[re=75457]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: it was like the exact same words — i thought you were quoting him!

grendel August 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=75481]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: FTW!

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=75489]edgydrifter[/re]: Eh, most of my coworkers had the same confusion. The same people that are probably going to vote for WalNUTS! now.

Now I’m beginning to wonder why I was all optomistic last night.

Makeithurt August 29, 2008 at 2:34 pm

Lisa Loeb’s mother.

sailingthestyx August 29, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=75374]njdon[/re]: actually, it’s a scent thing…if you know what i mean…

Aurelio August 29, 2008 at 2:34 pm

Sarah is a little fuck-factory. She just had her FIFTH kid. This establishes her pro-life credentials. But as VeePee candidate, perhaps she should consider outsourcing this production process to a third world country.

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 2:35 pm

[re=75464]grendel[/re]: i don’t think she cries easily — her nickname in high school on the basketball team was reportedly “barracuda”.

as to you point about taking off the gloves and getting bloody with these fuckers, i got the impression from hopey’s speech last night that he ain’t gonna go there! i hope(y) i misunderstood because otherwise we’re toast!

Vewol Mevemont August 29, 2008 at 2:35 pm

[re=75482]AfghanVet[/re]: It’s like Harriet Miers 2.0, but better looking. We can only hope this plays out the same way.

mookworthjwilson August 29, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=75476]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: She’s not pro-life…she’s for the death penalty, instead she is anti-choice…

sailingthestyx August 29, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=75385]StrangelyBrown[/re]: thank you! now my whole day is going to be off key…man, that was REALLY awful…

PrairiePossum August 29, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=75467]regisgoat[/re]:

By the time we get to the debates, her inexperience on national issues will be painfully obvious. In an effort to show her gravitas, she will make stupid comments. She has never had to deal with an aggressive press corps.

She will have earned a verbal ass-kicking by the time of the debates – like Dan Quayle.

glamourdammerung August 29, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=75310]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You are thinking of Michelle Bachmann.

RooseveltFranklin August 29, 2008 at 2:42 pm

[re=75502]Makeithurt[/re]: And Daria’s.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:43 pm

[re=75505]whatever_dc[/re]: Well, it’s settled. My nickname for her is now ‘Cuda, rather than Glasses!

I just had a thought, too. With her utterly nonexistent policy on anything remotely relating to anything except thinking that polar bears are in league with the turr’rists and it’s our duty to kill them because the Big White Guy with the Beard gave us power over them, she’s a perfect candidate to be designated the Hand Puppet v2.0 (or Hand Puppet II, or Hand Puppet ’08). The only problem is, her being Johnny WalNUTS!’s hand puppet, the imagery for that is something right out of German porno…

grendel August 29, 2008 at 2:43 pm

[re=75505]whatever_dc[/re]: Either way, Biden will be made out to be mean for making her look bad, but it has to be done. Enough babying and coddling. Going back to West Wing, it’s like the speech Toby gave Jed about being a heavyweight and not being ashamed of being the smartest kid in the class. Neither Walnuts! nor Palin are qualified or knowledgeable enough, and they need a beat down.

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 2:44 pm

[re=75385]StrangelyBrown[/re]: You are an unmitigated bastard for posting that.

Well done.

AnnieGetYourFun August 29, 2008 at 2:45 pm

[re=75512]glamourdammerung[/re]: Oh, damn. That would have been so much more fun.

shoeho August 29, 2008 at 2:46 pm

[re=75395]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: Um, I have always assumed that the “GLIF” moni had more to do with the paucity of pre-menopausal female govs/senators/congresspersons in the US of A. Or, the nerdy needyness of Wonketteguy posters.

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 2:46 pm

[re=75517]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: speaking of hand puppets…am i the only one here who yearns for gary bauer? i miss the silly little man with someone’s hand up his ass!!!

shoeho August 29, 2008 at 2:50 pm

[re=75444]NoWireHangers[/re]: In a few weeks, Hil will do the Full Ginsburg, and the GILF will be a footnote in herstory.

whiteasasheet August 29, 2008 at 2:53 pm

[re=75510]PrairiePossum[/re]: [re=75510]PrairiePossum[/re]: Yeah. But Quayle ending up as VP before disappearing into obscurity.

Thegreatbacon August 29, 2008 at 2:54 pm

I cannot wait to see how Hillary tramples this upstart. Obama and Biden should just step aside and let Hillary plow her into the ground.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:55 pm

[re=75527]whatever_dc[/re]: I wouldn’t say “yearn”. But I’m sad that we haven’t heard the, “a senator named Osama bin Bar– ah, ahh, — Barrack Hussein Obama, is anti-family, and pro-terrorist,” speech yet. Come on, dude!

Formerly Preferred August 29, 2008 at 2:55 pm

[re=75481]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: …and that Obama was raised in a state that is ALSO younger than McCain?

Other things younger than McCain:

-The space program

-Jet aircraft

-Digital computers

-The Hoover Dam (OK, that last one might be close)

-Dirt

rikitikitavi August 29, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=75520]grendel[/re]: it worked when Cheney spanked Edwards in the debate.

PrairiePossum August 29, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=75520]grendel[/re]:

If the Repubs whine about the Dems not coddling her, it allows the Dems to point out that the world is a cold, cruel, nasty place. The leaders of China, North Korea, Iran and Al Qaeda aren’t going to be nice to her.

The PUMAs backed Hillz because she could take a punch and get up fighting. The right wing has never coddled Hillz. She could handle the bullshit any of them threw at her.

The White House is no place for a daddy’s girl or a lady.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=75536]Thegreatbacon[/re]: Still not convinced she’s going to do it. Shame, ’cause Hilz skewering the ‘Cuda like that would be the coolest weekend in politics since Slick Willy argued the definition of the word “is”, and got away with it.

Schadenfried August 29, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=75369]NoWireHangers[/re]: I’m imagining Hillary in a Kill Bill: VOlume 3, The Menopausal Years kind of scenario.

botlrokit August 29, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=75466]S.Luggo[/re]: Truth: I believe in evolution so strongly (or better yet, “do not believe at all in creation theory”), that people should reconsider litmus tests. Fuck abortion, gun control and crime prevention… if you can’t accept the goddamn evidence that your great^50 grandfather banged his old lady tree-style on the Pangaea beachfront, you don’t need authority of any kind handed to you by an electorate.

edgydrifter August 29, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=75505]whatever_dc[/re]: Hmmm, I’d wager Sarahcuda’s nickname was given to her by the boys basketball team as reference to her aggressive tooth action. Otherwise, that’s a cumbersome bullshit nickname misremembered for political advantage.

mr.november August 29, 2008 at 3:03 pm

Who knew? Who knew that when Barry was proclaiming, Eight is enough, he was really giving advice to Mother Sarah on the amount of kids to have.

For reals, pretty shrewd move by the Repuslicants by stealing Barry’s thunder by pranking people during Morning Joe.

PrairiePossum August 29, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=75535]whiteasasheet[/re]:

Quayle was running with Bush I. Poor Bentsen was stuck with Dukakis. Dukakis was the reason Bentsen was not V.P.

sezme August 29, 2008 at 3:04 pm

You totally left out the bestest Wonkette post about Miss Wasilla.
http://wonkette.com/219635/gilf-update-gov-sarah-palin-as-miss-wasilla

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=75508]mookworthjwilson[/re]: As Barney Frank said: Republicans are pro-life from conception to birth…

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=75538]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: perhaps next week…insha’allah!

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Is Hillz on the agenda for any of the Sunday morning talkie-talkies? And how early in the day is too early for popcorn?

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=75517]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: That’s an insult to German porn…

grendel August 29, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=75541]PrairiePossum[/re]: Yep. My point exactly. Hillz could go punch for punch with anyone. Anything less and they’re admitting they were pandering when they picked Palin.

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 3:07 pm

[re=75547]edgydrifter[/re]: you’re probably right since the reportedly source was rush scumbag.

i like sarahcuda tho!

whatever_dc August 29, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=75554]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: i love barney — but not literally. i’ve seen him nekkid — at the gym believe it or not!

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=75536]Thegreatbacon[/re]: Win!

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Sarah Palin: Totally qualified to be Vice President….as long as someone can tell her what the job is.

plowman August 29, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Damn! When I first saw the pictures I thought McCain had named Kristy McNichol as his running mate. Now THAT’S a masturbatory home run!

Anita Cocktail August 29, 2008 at 3:16 pm

I want to hear about the scurrilous rumors that the recent baby is really her 16 yr old daughter’s.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=75557]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Actually, it’s pretty much exactly the one German porn I saw.

Needless to say, I no longer watch German porn.

[re=75573]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Oh. My. God.

If Barry wants to win this thing, he needs to beat that little quote over WalNUTS!’s head every time he’s in public. Johnny has the judgement my dick…

Instead of Biden, can we just get a tape-loop of the Sarahcuda saying that during the VP debate?

Gopherit v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 3:19 pm

So, I guess the virgin rumor won’t work with Palin?

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 3:20 pm

[re=75577]Anita Cocktail[/re]: You mean the rumors we’re starting right here? Okay, I’m game.

I totally heard it was the 16 yr old daughter’s, by way of the oldest son. Or the dad.

pinko-commie August 29, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=75493]JadedDIssonance[/re]: When you use the phrase, “self-respecting republican woman,” are you being oxymoronic, ironic or facetious? Just curious.

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=75578]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: Crikey! I don’t blame you.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=75580]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Virgin? After five, maybe four kids, depending on how our scurrilous “the infant is the daughter’s kid” rumor works out? Doubt it.

superfecta August 29, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Another website tells me ‘with authority’ that Palin’s husband is into sexytime with men on the side — anyone have details?

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=75582]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: Ha! And all over the interwebs, the idjits who believe Wonkette is a legitimate news outlet spread the news. Well-played!

Palin “doesn’t know” if gays choose to be gay? Oh, BROTHER.
http://dwb.adn.com/news/politics/elections/governor06/story/8049298p-7942233c.html

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=75590]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Yeah, can we get this thing on the front page? Please?

Latest news on this scurrilous rumor: The 16 yr old tried to get the thing aborted. After it was born.

PrairiePossum August 29, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=75573]Gopherit v2.0[/re]:

“Totally qualified to be Vice President….as long as someone can tell her what the job is.”

McCain to Palin, “Go to the kitchen and fetch me a beer, honey.”
“And hey, what’s for dinner, I’m starvin’”

SwanSwanH August 29, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=75428]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I thought this *was* an SNL sketch. Especially the part where it went on and on and on and then someone improv’d the line “Snowmachine World Champion!” and Jimmy Fallon started laughing.

LittlePig August 29, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Wow, the Dec 2006 Beauty Queen entry ends with Ken saying “She’s a Maverick!”.

KEN KNEW IN 2006.

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m just now finding out that she’s one of those “It’s pronounced ‘nuke-u-lar’” people?! HATE!!!!!!

mcgeorge August 29, 2008 at 4:02 pm

You people have spit in Mitt Romney’s face for last time!! How long have we had to wait for the first Mormon in office?! You will all pay for this! McCain will pay for this! I am taking my vote to Bill Richardson. I put on my magical underwear one shoulder-strap at a time like everyone else. I am putting them on right now to take my vote and vote for Hope. Vote, votey vote Romney vote Mitt Mittens vote undies vote McRomney. YOU WILL PAY GOP!!! Catchin’ Mitts and HillRaisers unite!!

Maus August 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: It’s okay, Rs leave the rearing to illegals anyway. Her children will be bilingual and that is a Change that America needs.

Maus August 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=75395]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: Not so much pinched as squeezed to their breaking point with collagen.

irisheyes August 29, 2008 at 4:19 pm

I look forward to the Vice Presidential debate like never before. Jomentum will be nice (he’ll have to or they’ll call him a sexist), but he will expose her vast weaknesses.

Do we really want a two year governor from a relatively unpopulated state to be one breath away from the Presidency? I am so aggravated right now that the morans will not see through the obvious maneuvering here. ARGGH!!!!!!!

And the whole republican family first shit- she’s got a four month old downs baby!!! So she’ll gladly put her family first by tearing herself away from them?

Words of encouragement to ease my rage are greatly appreciated.

plowman August 29, 2008 at 4:22 pm

I saw her picture and thought “Wow, McCain has named Kristy McNichol as his running mate…”. THAT is a masturbatory fantasy we ALL can enjoy!

Mac W Cheese August 29, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Check out her brilliant foreign policy position. And I love her stance on abortion.

http://www.ontheissues.org/Sarah_Palin.htm#Foreign_Policy

Anita Cocktail August 29, 2008 at 4:30 pm

[re=75582]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: No, these are not scurrilous rumors I made up; if teh internets can be believed (ha) these rumors have been circulating in Alaska, based on the fact that she did not look pregnant and then suddenly had a baby 2 months later and her daughter at the same time had a prolonged absence from school. Google around for the hearsay and scuttlebutt. All hearsay, of course. Of course that’s what they said about John Edwards’ mistress, too…

PentagonBookkeeper August 29, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=75460]njdon[/re]: I know. PeggyNoo was way out in rhetorical left field. Maybe it was because she was having a bad hair day.

plowman August 29, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=75703]Mac W Cheese[/re]: How dare she want to kill criminals and save fetuses!! And I think she believes in foreigners…

Strictly for the Tardcore August 29, 2008 at 4:39 pm

[re=75704]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Yes, as I found out later. Still, I say we just keep repeating the rumor until it’s considered true; preferrably the most horrible versions of said rumor.

nietzscheprojectile August 29, 2008 at 4:44 pm

I think we can now refer to this ticket as McAlin

JadedDIssonance August 29, 2008 at 4:52 pm

[re=75446]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: Release the Hillz Houndz!

PentagonBookkeeper August 29, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Does this mean we’ll get subliminal “Northern Exposure” marathons on the Hallmark channel? Yippie!!

Her last name is just one letter off from being “PAIN”! That’s a familiar problem with the GOP.

Barney! Barney! Barney! Barney Smith we need you!

S.Luggo August 29, 2008 at 5:29 pm

The Governess with her anti-drug entourage. The gal on the right: recently arrested at LAX. The dude next to her, well, you must know. The big, big dude on the left is The Moondog.
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/palinvikingsnew.jpg

http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll206/captainblack69/pots.jpg

lawrenceofthedesert August 29, 2008 at 5:48 pm

Saying she’s “the hottest governor” is like describing a Hebrew National as “the most nutritious hot dog.”

Beer4Prez August 29, 2008 at 5:48 pm

She looks like like Tina Fey in this picture. But the only thing this means is that maybe Biden will be a little less effective on his attacks of the Repub VP – who likes to see a pretty little girl cry? No one that’s who.

JP August 29, 2008 at 5:52 pm

This VP choice brings tremendous tension, attention and anticipation to McCain’s campaign.
How long will it take for McCain to lose his temper with Sarah and call her a cunt?

Baconcat August 29, 2008 at 6:08 pm

[re=75417]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: I have said this before but that might just be the best comment I’ve ever heard. EPIC WIN.

tonashideska August 29, 2008 at 6:23 pm

[re=75730]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]: Can’t watch the Hallmark channel, they just came out with a line of Gay Marriage cards and the fundies are boycotting.

Mac W Cheese August 29, 2008 at 6:26 pm

Plowman: Her statement on abortion: “I believe gambling should be illegal in Alaska.” What exactly does that mean? I can see the stupidity already. It is so easy to pick on a girl.

Democratica August 29, 2008 at 7:57 pm

[re=75304]slavojzizek[/re]: Yeah, well I’m a Democrat and I would very much like to know who’s going to hear more about this… and I’m wondering if this is what Harriet Myers looked like when she was 44. While we’re at it, let’s get her back on the horn – I hear they need a good Secretary of State over at the GOP. No, wait. Sorry, that’s already going to Cindy McCain’s hairdresser.

salmonshark August 31, 2008 at 6:09 am

[re=75428]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The accent is almost midwestern squarehead.

Outstando August 31, 2008 at 6:13 pm

[re=75481]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: And McCain’s running mate is a grandmother who is younger than McCain’s children and melanomas.

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