losers

Who Will Be Doomed McCain Pick?

Bikini Chicken has the experience AND the judgment to leadEnough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

55 comments

  1. HIROHITO99

    Everyone pray for Palin and not McCain! We all learned yesterday from the fantastic weather at Obama’s festive Hopeathon(TM) that this week is “opposite week” for God.

  2. scott_dog

    oooh Please be Senator Elmer Fudd. It’ll be like watching the two angry old men from SNL run for President!

  3. PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Well…MSNBC’s top-emailed story, “McCain selects Palin as VP”, no longer exists on their site. CONSPIRACY!

  4. HIROHITO99

    [re=74866]HIROHITO99[/re]: I meant Lieberman… not McCain. It’s early and I’m getting my bastard old men confused.

  5. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Palin won’t work for the Hiltards. They loved Hillary’s ovaries, not just ovaries in general. However, I do respect any woman who will hunt down and kill her own mooseburger.

  6. WIDTAP

    Fie on you for wimping outto commenter pressure and covering the Palin VP rumor!
    …although I do like the pic of the chick in the bikini.

  7. ProfessorJukes

    Looks like it’s that awesome GILF, Sarah Palin, after all!
    Maybe they figure Joe Biden will be afraid to beat up on a woman in the VP debate. Or he’ll just slip up and suddenly say “I respect you and would love to do you in the cloakroom, but you’re just wrong about off-shore drilling.”

  8. grendel

    The way to tell: Who had a “successful dump”? Everyone knows getting turned down for Veep leaves you constipated…

  9. Not_So_Much

    I assumed Pawlenty, but I’d be happy with Palin just for all the inappropriate shit that would be flying here at my beloved Wonkette.

    Just don’t let her drive anywhere…

  10. JamesMichaelCurley

    Would it be ‘Tragedy’ or ‘Comedy’ if everyone McCain asks says no? McCain is older than Classic Greek Theater.

  11. Sean O

    Palin would the most insane, transparent pick, so it’s probably who they’re going with. You get no electoral votes, the crazed bitters still won’t vote for her because she’s a conservative nutjob, and she sucks. She just sucks.

    Still, it’ll be hilarious to see Cindy shooting daggers at the new trollop competition.

  12. S.Luggo

    According to NPR, Pawlenty said that he will attending a ritual hog slaughter today and won’t be in Ohio for McDementia’s induction into the Mormon Church.

  13. AngryBlakGuy

    …GAAAAAAAAAWD, I cant wait for the debate between Palin and Biden! Biden is going to skin her and then wear her pelt as a cape!

  14. cal

    The Hilltards won’t like Palin.

    They’ll see her as the younger, more attractive woman who steals their husbands.

  15. Norbert

    roasted chicken, huh? well, that’s a notch better than I was expecting but those are not tan lines we can believe in.

    I am changing my previous prediction of Roberta McCain to history’s first dual pick : Lindsey Graham and Charlie Crist.

  16. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Well Fox claims that it is “Officially confirmed” by the campaign that it is Palin.

    Well, there goes experience. I guess McCain is desperate for Hiltards.

  17. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Crap. CNN just called it. Yay for ovaries, then? I mean, that’s really the biggest thing she brings to the table. Other than the GILF thing, of course.

  18. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=74891]NoWireHangers[/re]: …he will put his hand up his ass and use him like a ventriloquist dummy!

  19. grendel

    CNN has Palin as the pick…. hahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahaha…. *pant pant* hahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahaha

  20. Elitist Republican Tard

    [re=74897]cal[/re]: Silly cal, Hilltards don’t have husbands! They have vibrators.

  21. superfecta

    I guessing it’s only a matter of seconds before they trot out Palin’s Down’s Syndrome baby – I guess they can put him to work drilling for oil.

  22. ForTheTurnstiles

    McCain/Ferraro ’84!

    (seriously, watch for Gerry Bloomers to make the cable shows once more to support this ticket and talk up Palin)

  23. jagorev

    If he picks Palin, McCain will have demonstrated that he is sly like a fox, and is by far the cleverest candidate the Republicans could have nominated. He has correctly seen that Rove’s anointed pick (Romney), or any of the other conservative douchebag choices like Pawlenty or Lieberman would have been disastrous this year.

    Beyond just Hilltards and rabid PUMAs, I am willing to bet that a significant number of white women voters (maybe 5%) will vote for McCain-Palin just based on wanting to see a woman be elected to that position. It’s impossible to deny that there would be something historic about a woman VP, and that it will matter to many voters. Obama currently leads among white women by something like 6 points. Palin could reduce that to a 1 or 2 point lead, and that could be enough to win McCain the election.

  24. grendel

    Didn’t she just have a baby a few months ago? I guess they’re not going to go with “family and motherhood first”…

  25. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    FOX’s keeps saying how brilliant McCain is in keeping this secret. How hard is that if you keep forgetting your decision five minutes later.

  26. SystemError

    McCain, grasping at straws, goes the cynical route in ploy for bitter Hilltards. Dan Quayle would be a better choice.

  27. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Mittens! Please, please, please, make it Mittens. We need him right now! (mainly because we’re bored and need a new object of ridicule)

  28. spencer

    “I am pro-life and I believe that marriage should only be between and man and a woman. I am opposed to any expansion of gambling in Alaska. “

  29. CorkPopper

    Humble roasted chicken = Charlie Crist. What’s the odds that if it’s not him, he’s still going to marry his pretend girlfriend?

  30. jagorev

    Correction: Obama leads among women by 5 points, but white women actually already prefer McCain over Obama 48-39 according to Gallup, and Palin would just further extend that lead.

  31. greatgooglymoogly

    Somewhere, in a dark room in Florida, Kitty sobs: “They’ve … they’ve … just FORGOTTEN me!! Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.”

  32. DoctorCulturae

    This just in from the Almighty:

    (AP-Reuters) After years of having his messages misconstrued by many in the Republican Party, the Great God Jehovah released a press statement today saying that He would send the aptly named tropical storm / hurricane Gustav as a warning regarding further misinterpretations of His intention. Questioned from an undisclosed location, the Maker noted, “Look, they had some wacko ask the faithful to pray for rain in Denver. You wouldn’t believe the prayers I have to go through from these folks. It doubles my work load. I’ve had enough. I’m not comfortable intervening and prefer to let people lead their lives learning from Me in other ways, but sheesh.” He reiterated is abstention in current political races, but added, “I’m not getting involved in petty politics, but c’mon. If they don’t get this hint I’m considering tropical depression Hanna too.”

  33. Jingo

    Mrs. Sarah Palin-McCain has a nice ring to it. I guess once John McCain sues Cindy for divorce, he’ll actually own one of those seven houses. Hopefully she’ll give him a nice monthly alimony settlement since she apparently was the major breadwinner all these years.

  34. qwerty42

    It is Palin!
    So this means the “experience” stuff is off the table. Joe Biden won’t be able to skewer her with his foreign policy smarts (well, he can, but it will be the fish in a barrel sort of thing). And Biden has some good domestic policy creds, but her being a reformist governor will be of some help. Plus shooting moose; Biden cannot counter that. McCain is no good with domestic or economic policy; has crazy foreign policies; Hopey can run rings around him on all of these. It is early, but absent something dramatic happening, this is more a setup for 2012 for the Republicans. It is good to see the Republicans having someone other than white males on the ticket — only about a generation after the Democrats did it. yay progress!

  35. The Cold Sea

    Wow, a Harriet Miers pick from McSame. WALNUTS! thought process: “Hillary’s a woman. Women like Hillary. Palin is a woman (Va- voom is she ever! I could dump this vicodin chomping bitch I have now and hook up with some sweet new cooch), therefore I choose Palin. That’s it. Beat that, Barry Hussein. All that fancy talk last night. Booyah! Right back at ya! I’m the pres for sure.”
    The look on Scarborough’s face when he was told it was Palin. Oh my. Joe’s face said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Comedy writers have officially infiltrated WALNUTS! Campaign team. First we get “whiney” Americans and their foreclosures, like that’s a big deal. Then the “healthcare” advisor saying “Everyone has health care in America. Just go to the emergency room.” And now this. A moose hunter. A second place Miss Alaska. But she was Miss Congeniality in the Miss Wasilla contest. So she’s got that going for her. And ovaries. And a pussy.

  36. problemwithcaring

    I am confident that the only way that God would do this to Hopey (this not giving he and Biden Mittens on a platter) is because Palin is somehow so much more worse…in EXCITING ways we have not yet even imagined. I can’t wait to see what the blogosmear vomits up…

    Has she gone down on Katherine Harris? Been fingered by Ted Stevens? Tongued by Abramoff in a MN bathroom? On record somewhere as once referring to the policy ideas of Alan Keyes as bunch of “a well-articulated and surprisingly clean, pile of spear-chunking-monkey-makaka”?

  37. Miller

    He should have picked Dobson or Hagee, so they could pray that hurricane away or at least get instructions from God about what society needs to do to get that hurricane to go away. This Palin person probably doesn’t even have the prayer power to conjure hurricanes.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  38. CivicHoliday

    My fear is that any reasonable attack on her will be called sexist by PUMAs and the RNC, so they’ll just have to leave her alone and play nice and let her get away with the fact that her experiences include hunting, breast-feeing, wearing gowns and hanging out with cold people in cold places.

Comments are closed.