LOSERS  10:25 am August 29, 2008

Who Will Be Doomed McCain Pick?

by Sara K. Smith

Bikini Chicken has the experience AND the judgment to leadEnough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 55 comments }

KittyKatMan August 29, 2008 at 10:27 am

McCain/Gustav 08 !!

HIROHITO99 August 29, 2008 at 10:27 am

Everyone pray for Palin and not McCain! We all learned yesterday from the fantastic weather at Obama’s festive Hopeathon(TM) that this week is “opposite week” for God.

scott_dog August 29, 2008 at 10:28 am

oooh Please be Senator Elmer Fudd. It’ll be like watching the two angry old men from SNL run for President!

PeteJayhawk v2.0 August 29, 2008 at 10:28 am

Well…MSNBC’s top-emailed story, “McCain selects Palin as VP”, no longer exists on their site. CONSPIRACY!

HIROHITO99 August 29, 2008 at 10:29 am

[re=74866]HIROHITO99[/re]: I meant Lieberman… not McCain. It’s early and I’m getting my bastard old men confused.

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 10:30 am

Palin won’t work for the Hiltards. They loved Hillary’s ovaries, not just ovaries in general. However, I do respect any woman who will hunt down and kill her own mooseburger.

Godot August 29, 2008 at 10:30 am

Sarah Palin for VPILF!

WIDTAP August 29, 2008 at 10:31 am

Fie on you for wimping outto commenter pressure and covering the Palin VP rumor!
…although I do like the pic of the chick in the bikini.

AngryBlakGuy August 29, 2008 at 10:32 am

…talk about a bunch of shitty options! But my money is still on Mittens!

ProfessorJukes August 29, 2008 at 10:32 am

Looks like it’s that awesome GILF, Sarah Palin, after all!
Maybe they figure Joe Biden will be afraid to beat up on a woman in the VP debate. Or he’ll just slip up and suddenly say “I respect you and would love to do you in the cloakroom, but you’re just wrong about off-shore drilling.”

choinski August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

I’ll miss Mitten’s olympic screed: “straighter, Richer, Whiter”

scott_dog August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

[re=74868]scott_dog[/re]: Actually, on second thought, maybe Senator Droopy Dog would be more appropriate than a Fudd comparison.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzqt-ENnmHc

grendel August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

The way to tell: Who had a “successful dump”? Everyone knows getting turned down for Veep leaves you constipated…

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

So, if McCain selects Palin, does that mean he is ready to move on from Cindy?

Not_So_Much August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

I assumed Pawlenty, but I’d be happy with Palin just for all the inappropriate shit that would be flying here at my beloved Wonkette.

Just don’t let her drive anywhere…

JamesMichaelCurley August 29, 2008 at 10:34 am

Would it be ‘Tragedy’ or ‘Comedy’ if everyone McCain asks says no? McCain is older than Classic Greek Theater.

Crow T. Robot August 29, 2008 at 10:34 am

Please let it be Lieberman. Please let it be Lieberman. Please let it be Lieberman.

NoWireHangers August 29, 2008 at 10:35 am

The reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan.

hatlesshead August 29, 2008 at 10:35 am

McCain/Palin confirmed. It’s a Hilltard/McCrusty conspiracy. Hillary in ’12.

Sean O August 29, 2008 at 10:35 am

Palin would the most insane, transparent pick, so it’s probably who they’re going with. You get no electoral votes, the crazed bitters still won’t vote for her because she’s a conservative nutjob, and she sucks. She just sucks.

Still, it’ll be hilarious to see Cindy shooting daggers at the new trollop competition.

S.Luggo August 29, 2008 at 10:35 am

According to NPR, Pawlenty said that he will attending a ritual hog slaughter today and won’t be in Ohio for McDementia’s induction into the Mormon Church.

AngryBlakGuy August 29, 2008 at 10:36 am

…GAAAAAAAAAWD, I cant wait for the debate between Palin and Biden! Biden is going to skin her and then wear her pelt as a cape!

cal August 29, 2008 at 10:37 am

The Hilltards won’t like Palin.

They’ll see her as the younger, more attractive woman who steals their husbands.

Norbert August 29, 2008 at 10:37 am

roasted chicken, huh? well, that’s a notch better than I was expecting but those are not tan lines we can believe in.

I am changing my previous prediction of Roberta McCain to history’s first dual pick : Lindsey Graham and Charlie Crist.

Servo August 29, 2008 at 10:37 am

Just some Born Again trailer court skank selected by raffle at a Fireman’s Field Day.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 29, 2008 at 10:38 am

Well Fox claims that it is “Officially confirmed” by the campaign that it is Palin.

Well, there goes experience. I guess McCain is desperate for Hiltards.

Cogito Ergo Bibo August 29, 2008 at 10:38 am

Crap. CNN just called it. Yay for ovaries, then? I mean, that’s really the biggest thing she brings to the table. Other than the GILF thing, of course.

AngryBlakGuy August 29, 2008 at 10:39 am

[re=74891]NoWireHangers[/re]: …he will put his hand up his ass and use him like a ventriloquist dummy!

grendel August 29, 2008 at 10:39 am

CNN has Palin as the pick…. hahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahaha…. *pant pant* hahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahaha

Elitist Republican Tard August 29, 2008 at 10:40 am

[re=74897]cal[/re]: Silly cal, Hilltards don’t have husbands! They have vibrators.

tonashideska August 29, 2008 at 10:40 am

When will it come out that mccain is having an affair with Palin?

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 29, 2008 at 10:41 am

Palin came is second when she ran for Miss Alaska. True.

jinmoom August 29, 2008 at 10:41 am

Wow… Palin. I’m kinda shocked.

superfecta August 29, 2008 at 10:41 am

I guessing it’s only a matter of seconds before they trot out Palin’s Down’s Syndrome baby – I guess they can put him to work drilling for oil.

ForTheTurnstiles August 29, 2008 at 10:41 am

McCain/Ferraro ’84!

(seriously, watch for Gerry Bloomers to make the cable shows once more to support this ticket and talk up Palin)

jagorev August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

If he picks Palin, McCain will have demonstrated that he is sly like a fox, and is by far the cleverest candidate the Republicans could have nominated. He has correctly seen that Rove’s anointed pick (Romney), or any of the other conservative douchebag choices like Pawlenty or Lieberman would have been disastrous this year.

Beyond just Hilltards and rabid PUMAs, I am willing to bet that a significant number of white women voters (maybe 5%) will vote for McCain-Palin just based on wanting to see a woman be elected to that position. It’s impossible to deny that there would be something historic about a woman VP, and that it will matter to many voters. Obama currently leads among white women by something like 6 points. Palin could reduce that to a 1 or 2 point lead, and that could be enough to win McCain the election.

Walter Sobchak August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

Holy shit, this is better than last night!

grendel August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

Didn’t she just have a baby a few months ago? I guess they’re not going to go with “family and motherhood first”…

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

FOX’s keeps saying how brilliant McCain is in keeping this secret. How hard is that if you keep forgetting your decision five minutes later.

SystemError August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

McCain, grasping at straws, goes the cynical route in ploy for bitter Hilltards. Dan Quayle would be a better choice.

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

Mittens! Please, please, please, make it Mittens. We need him right now! (mainly because we’re bored and need a new object of ridicule)

spencer August 29, 2008 at 10:42 am

“I am pro-life and I believe that marriage should only be between and man and a woman. I am opposed to any expansion of gambling in Alaska. “

CorkPopper August 29, 2008 at 10:43 am

Humble roasted chicken = Charlie Crist. What’s the odds that if it’s not him, he’s still going to marry his pretend girlfriend?

Scott-san August 29, 2008 at 10:43 am

Palin needs another half kid to make McCain’s magic number, but she’s close enough.

jagorev August 29, 2008 at 10:44 am

Correction: Obama leads among women by 5 points, but white women actually already prefer McCain over Obama 48-39 according to Gallup, and Palin would just further extend that lead.

greatgooglymoogly August 29, 2008 at 10:45 am

Somewhere, in a dark room in Florida, Kitty sobs: “They’ve … they’ve … just FORGOTTEN me!! Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.”

DoctorCulturae August 29, 2008 at 10:47 am

This just in from the Almighty:

(AP-Reuters) After years of having his messages misconstrued by many in the Republican Party, the Great God Jehovah released a press statement today saying that He would send the aptly named tropical storm / hurricane Gustav as a warning regarding further misinterpretations of His intention. Questioned from an undisclosed location, the Maker noted, “Look, they had some wacko ask the faithful to pray for rain in Denver. You wouldn’t believe the prayers I have to go through from these folks. It doubles my work load. I’ve had enough. I’m not comfortable intervening and prefer to let people lead their lives learning from Me in other ways, but sheesh.” He reiterated is abstention in current political races, but added, “I’m not getting involved in petty politics, but c’mon. If they don’t get this hint I’m considering tropical depression Hanna too.”

Jingo August 29, 2008 at 10:48 am

Mrs. Sarah Palin-McCain has a nice ring to it. I guess once John McCain sues Cindy for divorce, he’ll actually own one of those seven houses. Hopefully she’ll give him a nice monthly alimony settlement since she apparently was the major breadwinner all these years.

qwerty42 August 29, 2008 at 10:55 am

It is Palin!
So this means the “experience” stuff is off the table. Joe Biden won’t be able to skewer her with his foreign policy smarts (well, he can, but it will be the fish in a barrel sort of thing). And Biden has some good domestic policy creds, but her being a reformist governor will be of some help. Plus shooting moose; Biden cannot counter that. McCain is no good with domestic or economic policy; has crazy foreign policies; Hopey can run rings around him on all of these. It is early, but absent something dramatic happening, this is more a setup for 2012 for the Republicans. It is good to see the Republicans having someone other than white males on the ticket — only about a generation after the Democrats did it. yay progress!

The Cold Sea August 29, 2008 at 10:56 am

Wow, a Harriet Miers pick from McSame. WALNUTS! thought process: “Hillary’s a woman. Women like Hillary. Palin is a woman (Va- voom is she ever! I could dump this vicodin chomping bitch I have now and hook up with some sweet new cooch), therefore I choose Palin. That’s it. Beat that, Barry Hussein. All that fancy talk last night. Booyah! Right back at ya! I’m the pres for sure.”
The look on Scarborough’s face when he was told it was Palin. Oh my. Joe’s face said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Comedy writers have officially infiltrated WALNUTS! Campaign team. First we get “whiney” Americans and their foreclosures, like that’s a big deal. Then the “healthcare” advisor saying “Everyone has health care in America. Just go to the emergency room.” And now this. A moose hunter. A second place Miss Alaska. But she was Miss Congeniality in the Miss Wasilla contest. So she’s got that going for her. And ovaries. And a pussy.

Elitist Republican Tard August 29, 2008 at 10:57 am

[re=74907]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Out of three women in the state.

tonashideska August 29, 2008 at 11:00 am

[re=74943]Jingo[/re]: Yes, but that house will be above the Arctic Circle.

problemwithcaring August 29, 2008 at 11:33 am

I am confident that the only way that God would do this to Hopey (this not giving he and Biden Mittens on a platter) is because Palin is somehow so much more worse…in EXCITING ways we have not yet even imagined. I can’t wait to see what the blogosmear vomits up…

Has she gone down on Katherine Harris? Been fingered by Ted Stevens? Tongued by Abramoff in a MN bathroom? On record somewhere as once referring to the policy ideas of Alan Keyes as bunch of “a well-articulated and surprisingly clean, pile of spear-chunking-monkey-makaka”?

Miller August 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm

He should have picked Dobson or Hagee, so they could pray that hurricane away or at least get instructions from God about what society needs to do to get that hurricane to go away. This Palin person probably doesn’t even have the prayer power to conjure hurricanes.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

CivicHoliday August 29, 2008 at 2:31 pm

My fear is that any reasonable attack on her will be called sexist by PUMAs and the RNC, so they’ll just have to leave her alone and play nice and let her get away with the fact that her experiences include hunting, breast-feeing, wearing gowns and hanging out with cold people in cold places.

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