Wonkette
So after the four hours of sunstroke and no wireless and some enthusiastic dog-whistler deafening everyone in a 30-foot perimeter of his terrifying noises, we emerged from Invesco Field and began the four hundred-mile journey on foot through Mordor. This was seriously the most complicated, arduous exit from a public venue since a half-million people stampeded out of Wolf Blitzer’s live sex show at the Republican National Convention in 1996. Follow us on a perilous journey past Jersey barriers, under abandoned bridges, through hobo encampments, and into the darkest reaches of the American id.
After staggering in lock-step with thousands of Hope Zombies, we were squozen into a funnel and led to a Jersey barrier that people were frantically hopping over. Here is some Live Camera Footage from that disgraceful event.
Look at this poor young woman, who lost a kidney getting over that fence.
Then we had to walk along what Newell referred to as “goblin trails,” which ran in a shadowy netherworld under the streets of Denver.
We barely made it out alive.
Seriously, look at this shit. Those are spores of syphilis dancing in the air.
At last, downtown Denver loomed. A mere fourteen hours later, your editors made it back to their classy Town & Country, and then Ken almost ran over one of the many crazed midgets who are constantly attempting to fling themselves under the tires of oncoming vehicles here in Denver — honestly, pedestrians have weird ideas about what the walk signal means or doesn’t mean — and then we stopped for vodka and Burger King and THE END, and now it is John McCain’s birthday! Happy birthday John McCain!
So Jim’s in Guantanamo now?
Vodka and Burger King? Your night was strangely similar to mine.
“…spores of syphilis dancing in the air…”
Wait, I thought John Edwards wasn’t at the convention?
You should really read David Brooks column before you go to sleep….
Speaking of vodka, processed meat and syphilis you should really read David Brooks column before you go to sleep….
i would have fainted repeatedly if i were there with the possibility of being in the same general vicinity as the great one
The Republican convention will have much better fences.
Awww, did our widdle libtard feetsies get tired? Try living five and a half years without a kitchen table. Try living five and a half years without a kitchen table. Try living five and a half years without a kitchen table. Try living five and a half years without a kitchen table.
So how deep were the hopedrifts in that part of town? I heard hope collapsed the roof on a Home Depot in Wheatridge.
Vodka and burger king sounds…. Very strangely appealing.
But even Wendy’s is closed now, and I know deep down that trip to Breakfast King is a bad idea given that I have meetings in five hours. But damn, that sounds good.
Also: ha ha! I got to walk down the middle of Colfax over 25! And Auraria!
(This will not excite anyone outside the Denver area, I’m sorry to say. But trust me, this is fucking awesome.)
Where are the pics of Jim proposing to Sara?
…these photos/videos remind me of M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening”. Did the trees try and kill you guys?
Here in the lovely central European city where I live, you can get a beer at McDonald’s, and nobody thinks anything of it. We don’t have Burger King yet, though. Or Taco Bell. I wish we had Taco Bell.
gurukalehuru: Is it some paper cup, or a *glass* of beer? And do you dip that shit in mayonnaise?
Obama’s campaign should put out a congradulatory ad like McCain’s did:
“I’d like to congradulate Senator McCain on this, his 73rd birthday. Congradulations on living to such a ripe old age.”
Boy, for all of the trials and tribulations you guys endure, I feel like we should be paying you….NAH. But we love you all DIS MUCH!
It is nice to get faces AND voices to connect with our intrepid editors though. You guys didn’t have to eat any hobos did you? Cause they might have teh raybees.
grendel: “…and considering how much longer people live now under universal healthcare, I look forward to many more years of working with you in the senate…oh, wait. PSYCH!”
global warming = candles on Johhny Mac’s BD cake
grendel: Congratulations on being able to live the longest of the recent line of his paternal family.
His father died from a heart attack at 70.
His grandfather died from a heart attack at 67.
Druge has AK Gov. (MILF of all Time) has potential VP.
loudmouthredhead: And those “five and a half years” were the only years in his entire life - that’s ENTIRE LIFE - he did not live under a no questions asked , no exclusions made, 100% paid, no deductible United States Government health care program.
Excellent use of the verb ’squozen’, Sara. Not many people other than middle schoolers could use it so deftly.
I see mystical orbs in the final photo. Clearly Obama has the important Undead vote on his side, which is odd since you would think they would have been more into their brother McCain.
Those are not syphilous spores, they are orbs (spirit images of the dead) proving that even the ghosts of our ancestors support Barrack Obama.
That last picture shows millions of solid-state Hope™ particles.
WALNUTS! is only 66 and a half if you take away the years when he didn’t have a kitchen table.
“many crazed midgets who are constantly attempting to fling themselves under the tires of oncoming vehicles”
Paid for by the Republican party, no doubt, to act as krazy kamikaze kids.
Next stop: the Twin Cities for the exciting Republican Convention!
Wow, knowing how bad the republicans are at managing things, I think that McCain’s experience in Nam will probably come in handy navigating the GOP convention this week.
You could have gotten out a lot faster if you’d thought to wear some shoes with wheels.
Did you see the ghost of Tom Joad under that bridge?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
A group of intrepid hobos and I rambled along some train tracks to get from Mile High back to downtown. Then I went to the bus station and there were millions of people trying to board one bus. It was madness.
jbd:
Walking Colfax would be pretty exciting.
Too bad you didn’t have access to Twitter during your journey. All the journos decided that people around the world wanted to read about where in Denver their little feet were carrying them. Riveting for those of us in the Nation’s capital, I’m sure.