Wonkette
Your Wonkette has been chopped into three pieces, like a Starfish, and your current editor is just sitting in Level Two against a brick wall, on the concrete. We saw Stevie Wonder sing two songs! And, uh, Sheryl Crow sing like 7,000 songs which all sounded like shopping for lawn furniture on heroin. Al, what do you say?
6:45 PM — Good lord these Democrats are making a ruckus to welcome Al Gore! How many of them voted for Nader in 2000?
6:47 PM — “I know something about close elections,” blah blah, Al Gore is still boring.
6:49 PM — Thomas Edison totally solved global warming before it even happened! But then Cheney killed Thomas Edison with a car.
6:55 PM — Gore’s southern accent doesn’t sound so awful after hearing John “Love Child” Edwards and his terrible accent for so long … and if not for the Heroes at the National Enquirer, we would be hearing Scumbag John Edwards TONIGHT!
6:58 PM — Al has a thang for Michelle!
6:59 PM — Your editor is stuck between a terrible popcorn stand and a grease-nut vendor. There is no booze here, not even beer.
7:00 PM — Good-bye Al!
7:00 PM — Neither Jim nor Sara can get a decent wireless signal in the stadium seats, and they are about four sections apart, and this place is almost completely full of humanity. Even the very top nosebleed seats in the sun, they’re filling right up to the top. Craziness. John McCain would have to give a year’s free sleeping pills to the jobless elderly of the whole country to get this kind of crowd — and half of them would die during the speech.
7:03 PM — There are Obama staffers unfurling huge American flags for whatever purpose … probably for Obama to burn, with a giant flame-thrower.
7:05 PM — The dudes told me the giant flags are for “America the Beautiful,” to be waved around, and I said, “Oh did Ray Charles come back from the dead?” And they just glared at me, and now that fucking Doobie Brothers guy, Kenny Roggers, Michael Mac Donald, is singing it, Ray Charles style, but minus the talent. Somewhere, Wolf Blitzer is just cold dancin’.
7:06 PM — Sorry it took a week to get here. Jesus christ. And of course once we got in, every single staffer told us conflicting lies about where we could go, where we could sit, and ultimately we were not really wanted anywhere, except Jim and Sara found single seats far away, and they have no Internets. HOPEY TOOK THEIR INTERNETS.
7:18 PM — Wow there are a lot of generals out here for Obama, including the famous “General Fig Newton.” We have no idea if this is a true name.
7:20 PM — Is the Secret Service jamming cell phones here? Nothing works. Soon they will figure out my fancy wireless broadband deal and blow up Verizon, for freedom.
7:21 PM — Fireworks will finish the thing up, we know. But what’s the secret surprise, like last night? We think Obama will leave, then come back, by jet pack, wielding a lightsaber, and then he’ll zoom around killing the evil snack vendors and just give snacks to everybody. Yes We Can!
7:24 PM — Joe Biden! We totally saw this guy last night, at the old no-good Pepsi Center.
7:25 PM — Ha, Biden just wants to be some old dead football player for the Denver Broncos. Nobody tell Joe that this “Invesco Field at Mile High” was literally built on the ruins of his beloved childhood Mile High Stadium.
7:26 PM — Those jesus freaks don’t have much juice anymore, do they? Beautiful weather, with distant fluffy clouds over the mountains and a million miles of blue sky. And like a hundred cop helicopters.
7:30 PM — We will get another live-blog ready to go, for Hopey. Then I’ll go trade with Jim, and he can write the liveblogging! It is a perfect plan that cannot fail.
AW, I love Al. Old, wooden Al. Hillz could teach him a thing or two about intoning.
Oh, Al… c’mon. You did better bitching about Bush/McCain.
BLAH BLAH BLAH
Gore is boring, but his Lincoln parallels were excellent
Al Gore’s bald spot is from global warming?
Al on Obama: “the Extraordinary strength of his character” - Ha! In your face, John Edwards!
He forgot that you’re supposed to pause to let people applaud or boo…
Al spoke Latin! I’m disappointed he didn’t get around to Klingon, though.
As much as I like what he’s saying, there’s still a “McClellan endorses Grant” vibe I can’t get out of my head.
Oh, faith — drink.
Where the powerpoint presentation? I was so psyched for it.
No kiss? Damn you tipper, you’ve lost me $5.
he looked kinda hot! is this the alcohol talking????
Barack just texted me and said my texts to him might show up on the big screen.
Please, Wonketeers, flood them with “BIG SALE ON TRUCK NUTZ” texts. If we unite, if we share a common purpose, if we vow never to give up, we can get TRUCK NUTZ shown on the big screen during the Democratic National Convention. Yes, we can.
SayItWithWookies: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
great zeus — fucks noise is talking to bill bradley!!! this MUST be the alcohol talking! i’m seeing things…
Who wants to hear “In The Flesh” from The Wall come blasting over right about now?
AnnieGetYourFun: I think I’ll be less drunk when I play this game at the Repub convention. Well — maybe it’s a tossup. But if you saw Kaine’s speech, you’d know why I’m about to slide under the table.
Don’t tell AngryBlakGuy I said this, but Stevie kinda sucked, at least for that first song.
And now we get a little Michael McDonald. Now THAT is some soul, I tell you!
What channel are you dudes and dudettes (read: drunks) watching? Because PBS is so amazingly BORING because there are no screaming racists and lesbians.
Doesn’t shopping for lawn furniture on heroin sound fun? Much better than gun shopping on thorazine.
I want to hear Al come out and sing some songs from “Hair”
michael mcdonald, doobie bros. - very cool
jagorev: TRUCK NUTZ 4 OBAMA 4EVER!!
Michael Mcdonald?! They’re really shooting for that McCain demographic, aren’t they?
CNN just reported that the Obamaites may have “oversold” tonite’s event to the tune of 20,000 tickets! So, ladies and ginniman, sorry, park’s closed. Moose out front shoulda told you.
I gotta tell you something. I’m really excited about it. Uh, for the first time, today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I - I feel confident to say to you that if you don’t take this Michael McDonald DVD - that you’ve been playing for two years straight - off, I’m going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain!
Why the hell is Grady Hawks singing America the Beautiful?
Did he just say “God shed my face on thee?”
loudmouthredhead: No you don’t. Where do you think they sampled the “poop ray” from?
I hear Michael McDonald, I think SCTV.
liquiddaddy: Speak for yourself, Hinckley.
SayItWithWookies: agew demographic? Yeah. McDonald will be doing depends commercials before too long.
Michael — I’m sure you’re a nice guy and everything, but doing Ray’s version of America only reminds us that he’s dead and you’re not. And since this convention is so big on faith (drink), it kinda makes people question how merciful this god feller really is. So do Barry Manilow’s version of something real quick, okay? Thanks.
Sharif DelMonte: All I can say about this convention is: minute by minute by minute by minute, I keep holding on.
loquaciousmusic: Watching PBS because I can’t take all the stupid
what’s the drinking game tonight? please don’t say “change” or “hope” because i’m still oozing from last night!
Most hittable Eisenhower, evar.
I’d hit Ike
Gopherit v2.0: “Let the sun shine iiiiiiin, Leeeeet..”
Aiee! My bowels!
Mamie Eisenhower!
CSPAN has had 8 minutes of silence after Gore…
poor susen eisen. - born without an upper lip
Wow…even Ike’s granddaughter is ancient. I guess it’s been 50 years since Ike served…Let me ask WALNUTS since he was in his mid 40s then.
More like Susan Eisencougar, amirite?
macarthur (sp?) was hotter than ike!
Dwight Eisenhower is HOT.
Wait, who is this?
Some writer relative of a former president.
Exciting!
she talk funny
AWWWW. NPR is stuck in nosebleed too. And they have nachos! Ken, go beat up those public radio pansies and take their food!
WHY, oh why, are they talking to a “Weekly Standard” person? Ugh
SayItWithWookies: I missed Kaine’s speech. What happened.
And the NPR peeps are admitting to tearing up.
Can any of the Wonkette staff get close to the NPR booth and point and laugh at the white guy?
Y’know, Bill Clinton talked slower than every single one of the other speakers at this convention. And he talked about some pretty wonky things. And yet he was still riveting. How does that work?
I’m just thinking about that now ’cause Susan Eisenhower looks like nobody told her she was giving a speech tonight.
whatever_dc: “My opponent” or “they will say/tell you”
…what do you guys think the Secret Service said when Barry said he wanted to have his speech in a 75,000 seat stadium!?
Michael has not been the same since Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines stole his mojo in Hawaii, or some fucking place.
Here’s a great Robert Frost poem.
But this one is my favorite. When I teach it, I get goosebumps every time. Kind of like when I watch Barry swim.
Is Fox there? Do they have good seats. Inquiring drunk minds want to know.
dylans gonna sing masters of war in front of these dudes
jagorev: I’d storm her shores.
The Retired Generals will now sing “This is My Country”
It’s General Disorder!
Did they just skip over the black woman general/admiral? They went straight from some guy to Claudia Kennedy. THAT’S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE.
…you think he had enough Generals and Admirals?
General Fig Newton?!?!
There seems to be a general commotion on the stage.
General Fig Newton??
Hee hee hee hee hee
AngryBlakGuy: I think their collective anuses puckered a BIT more tightly…with no show of emotion, of course.
AngryBlakGuy: I don’t know, but they probably are freaking out about all the un-angry blak guys on stage right now.
And did he just say that he welcomed everyone on the stage “who has worn the unicorn of the United States”?
AnnieGetYourFun: It was a faith orgy. It had a faithy faithness all its faithing own. I faithing hated it.
AngryBlakGuy: they said: “go for it bro” *snicker*
SayItWithWookies: For serious. I had one of those moments with Bill… holy shit. Andrea Seabrook speaks Spanish?
SayItWithWookies: Because he is constantly sexually satisfied.
smellyal8r: oh dear…i’m in real trouble!
Liquid: Hey, he’s a regular guy. A regular guy.
Thank you everyone! Enjoy the veal!
SayItWithWookies: Ah. Is that the day of the word? “Change” seemed too risky (was that Loudmouth Redhead’s idea?)… I was hoping to go for something a little less probable… like ‘fossil’.
they have a bunch of black folks on stage and yet they let the white dude speak…i guess cause he’s clean and well spoken *sigh*
SayItWithWookies: Is that why I felt a burning sensation at that point in the evening? It almost made me stop worshiping my cat’s anus.
He will find a way to pay for all the shit no one else can figure out how to pay for
all these Generals, Mills, Motors and Food
Was Al Gore on speed?
There are a lot of frumpy character actors on stage right now. Haven’t I seen all of them on Law & Order: Criminal Intent?
I sense a catharsis coming in the Wonkette cell of Al Qaeda. You get one night with the dancing whores, then you must proceed to your missions.
Yay Biden!
Great, Biden’s stoned and wandering around. So embarrassing.
…did any of those so-called Admirals or Generals spend 5 and half years in a Vietnamese prison? I think not! Have any of them come in the bottom 5(FIVE!!!) of his/her graduating class? I think not! Have any of them managed to crashed 5 airplanes in their military career? I think not! So what the fukk do they know?!?!?!?!
What do you call a group of Generals? Is it a gaggle? A pack?
Did Bea Arthur do Joe Biden’s hair? Because he totally looks like a Golden Girl.
Joe’s back to warn about the brown acid at tonight’s Woodstock.
Ich Ein Bin Scranton
AnnieGetYourFun: It’s mine for the convention, sort of. I’ve been keeping an informal tally, but I’m probably way behind.
And holy crap, that stadium is fuckin’ fuuuuull.
Is he doing a squinty thing with his eyes like the Spanish soccer team?
“When we said open convention, this is what we meant”
Haha, Joe. I see what you did there. Stop, I can’t take it. Really.
jeez louise didnt we go through this last night with a different tie?
Is Biden repeating his speech from yesterday? Nice tie, Joe.. *barf*
Joe’s out for a “re-do” after last night’s team written debacle he had to deliver.
Rush: I have no idea why you picked that name, but I’m grooving on Rush as we speak:
Learning to match the beat of the old world man
Learning to catch the heat of the third world man
He’s a new world man
giggling @ grendel
Oh, it’s Biden. “Yeah, I’m back because I wasn’t done last night. As I was saying…”
biden is introducing the vilage people
…and not a drop of rain! Muhahahahaha!!!
Rush: Ich Bin Ein Wilmington!
AngryBlakGuy: No, they were all too competent to be captured
loudmouthredhead: How about an open marriage, Joe? With your hot wife? Grrrrrrr!
Love ya, too, you bad boy!
Delicious:
Mega fuckin’ ditto’s delicious.
neither algore nor joebama said god bless anything…HEATHENS!!! (i almost wrote heathers! hahaha!)
Oh, Roy. You’re adorable. You look like a little liberal elitist furby!
Joe, you forgot to say God Bless America! Now they’re gonna know!
TESTIMONIALS!!!! This is always the most terrible part of every convention.
Oh, Ken et al - Apparently there’s some kind of competition to see which state delegation can send the most text messages to the Obama campaign. So, I can imagine that teh airz are jammed.
olberman is now giveing hopey’s speech for him, apparently. fuck him.
nude economy?
Jesus, Harry Reid can’t even look alive when he’s applauding.
Mr. Gross: just because you’re a blue-collar worker doesn’t mean you can’t put on a damn suit when you address the nation. Joe Biden’s dad would not approve.
Olbermann is actually reading Obama’s speech out loud right now. Um.
I’m sorry, but what the fuck is an “independent,” please?
grendel: A rear.
loquaciousmusic: Yesh. That’s one milfy babe, no?
Something’s up with Joe. He still seems a little befuddled by all the attention. I guess getting .00001 percent of the vote in Iowa meant he only had about a living room’s worth of people at his events. Maybe Neal Kinnock had a better acceptance speech he could have used last night.
Isn’t Cayahoga Falls right next to Sandusky? So isn’t this basically Tommy Boy?
What’s with all these bozos?
GIVE ME BARACK! BARACK!@!!!
Wow, these bitters are better speakers than at least 75% of the politicians who have spoken during this convention. Honestly, listening to Mark Warner almost made me miss that stone-dumb pig farmer, George Allen. At least he was good for a laugh.
Delicious: You guys are dorks. (but there’s some badass shit on those Rush records)
grendel: …EXACTLY!!! That’s why we need to elect the all around cosmic fukk-up that is John McCain into office!!! At least that is what Bill O’Rielly, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh say and they cant possibly be wrong!!!
Monica Early Rox! Red hair or not!
Who invited all these “regular people” to speak?
onosideboard: That, dear friends, is why I watch CSPAN!
What the hell — it’s the girl who plays the NPR deejay on Saturday Night Live.
hopey is apparently a man of faith and values — what a loser! i’m not voting for him now!
loquaciousmusic: I was afraid they were going to show an intro film with his earlier, porn-lapel days.
Man, I wish I was there.
Wait, what the hell am I saying? I’d much rather have this third kidney!
I hate this Ohio lady who looks like Dana Carvey in drag.
Holy SHIT, the butch Indigo Girl got fat!
Big dyke from Brooklyn moves to Florida, attacked by hurricanes… it’s a story as old as Walnuts!
Listen to this L.I. accent… I guess we know who bought the mawbul cawlumns.
Oh, oh. Big Gal is pissed off and gonna unleash the dogs of war on somebody’s ass.
I don’t know, even though these testimonials are boring, I think they are doing a pretty good job. I can barely speak in front of 50 people without my voice trembling and the room spinning.
NPR keeps looking for the point on the stadium where Barry will descend on his jetpack…
“We do know they have reached the stadium…BUT WHERE WILL THEY ENTER? AHHH!”
I like you, Janet Monacco. You have passion.
Oh, cute! They’re letting one of the cleaning ladies speak at the pretty podium that she dusted!
grendel: My eyes! The goggles don’t work!
loquaciousmusic: are they wearing pant suits?
Trollop McCunty: Agree completely with that assessment.
The RNC would never applaud for a doctorate in education, because they love ‘Murca.
grendel: She thought her Jeep could survive anything…alas
Teresa with the blue corn hair and blue suit needs to set the podium on fire. This sign language thing is not quite what we needed.
I hate to say it, but good on McCain for his ad tonight. I know it’s gross pandering, but still, it’s the right time to pander.
these people say this stuff like they didnt hear all this stuff 4 years ago and 4 years before that and 4 years before that. SIEZE SAN QUENTIN!
loquaciousmusic: wait, there was a NOT butch indigo girl?
Excuse me, why is she speaking the Russian?
Oh jesus, this education lady is painful to watch. She sounds like Dwight Schrute giving his first speech. It’s really not nice to put the amateurs in prime time.
PAM!
“would it be so wrong?”
loudmouthredhead: I’m so glad that there is someone else stuck listening to the radio.
Oh, God, they’re speaking Messican now. We’re fucked. They’re takin’ our jehbs!
ForTheTurnstiles:
http://www.thegarden.com/events/media/events/rush-09-07-lg.jpg
si se puede!!! (how do you say blah blah blah in spanish?)
You guys all suck (for reals, you do!): Al Gore was fucking SEXY and it was the smartest political speech I have fucking EVER seen, and I didn’t even understand half his allusions, like if Dennis Miller stopped the wah-wah-wah and wasn’t a total COCK.
But maybe that’s because I voted for Nader. I’ve been owing the guy one for the past eight years. And then fucking Democrats had to go from Al Awesome to an hour and fifteen minutes of retired generals and shit.
Whatever. Faith.
Oh shit. Pam is my FAVORITE.
Woah. I just got a duplicate message message over something I didn’t say.
…Pam from Pittsburgh reminds me of Rosanne Barr!!!
Another big dyke, this time from NC? Aren’t there any straight (preferrably hot) women in the Democratic Party?
What is with enthusiastic kindergarten teacher’s hand gestures? Does she think she’s pinochet?
Oh, hey Pam!
Damn, I need a Cash-Roper in my family.
loquaciousmusic: harriet myers is the cleaning lady and i don’t think she’s at this gathering!
Kathy Bates will play Pam in the movie. YOU HEARD IT FROM LOQUACIOUSMUSIC FIRST.
…Pam is a recovering Republican? Who would’ve known?!
Wolf Blitzer is too busy reminding us of how we will always remember where we were on the night we heard the man make his speech. “Remember this always, my children”. Ridiculous. Now, I’ll remember if he gets elected, but if his victory is left to Democrats, my hopes are dimming.
The 2 husky broads have been the best by far.
loquaciousmusic: Mine too, except she’s a single issue, me-first, fat-fuck.
What happenned to the 5 guys to finish lower than McCain at Naval Avedemy? My guess is that a few made it all the way to manager of McDonalds.
Seize San Quentin! Seize San Quentin!
please note that all the regler folks are from battleground states
where’s the virgin…er…virginian
whatever_dc: blaho blah blaho…oops! EL blaho.
…how many PUMA’s do you think WALNUTS! is going to have speak at his convention?
Oh shit! It’s Forrest Gump!
Don’t interrupt Barney with applause oh my God he’s so fragile DON’T INTERRUPT HIM PLEASE!!!
Okay, I love hearing from the bitters, but when is Barry going to get to the stadium so that the pagan blood orgy can begin?
AnnieGetYourFun: I’m suffering through the NPR-ites with you, sister!
Barney Smith is extremely low hanging fruit. I shall refrain from comment. For now.
…Republican Detox?
grendel: It’s a “washington” of generals. “I was just about to go home when I was sent back to Iraq by a washington of generals.”
on drudge
http://www.usmagazine.com/news/cindy-mccains-half-sister-im-voting-for-obama
The dude in the checked shirt (”a furrn wrrker does my jahb”) looks and sounds like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.
Barney Smith stole my lawnmower.
To turn off the snark for a second, as a middle class teacher with a relatively high-paying job, these people break my fucking heart.
“Barney Smith over Smith Barney” is an awesome line.
OK. Grand slam for Barney Smith. Holy Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barney totally redeemed his retarded diatribe with that one line.
commiegirl: Thanks for that Nader vote. Really. Thanks. I guess Bob Barr this year? Even things out? Unsafe at any speed indeed.
OH NO NOT SPRINGSTEEN, ANYTHING BUT THE SPRINGSTEEN
smellyal8r: I’m pretty sure everyone here is going to be so drunk on election night we’ll have no chance of ever remembering Hopey get elected.
Barney Smith is our national hero.
By the way, would you guys mind if I drank an entire bottle of wine while I watched this? Because I’m on my way.
Aww, the Parade of Bitters is over.
I’d totally do that guy waving the big flag.
…hey, how did that guy get that pole in?!
Everybody trying to be snarky. Nobody being heard. The entire apparatus was then vibrated up and down. See you on the other side.
Did he ever dream he’d be standing in front of 75,000 people shouting “Bar-ney! Bar-ney! Bar-ney!” No he did not, in case you were thinking otherwise. No, he most definitely did not.
bitchincamaro: That’s not fruit, that’s his TRUCK NUTZ.
Is anyone else watching the MSNBC panel salivate over their advance copy of Hopey’s speech? Even Pat! This better not be like the new Batman movie, where all the hype made it impossible for me to enjoy.
AnnieGetYourFun: Wow, just, you, him and John McCain.
loudmouthredhead: i’d like to blaho beau biden but i digress…
BORN IN THE USA? ???? FUCK YOU, DNC.
This red shirt guy who lost all his jobs to foriegners… he’s got moxie
hatinTheMiddle: I see what you did there. Me like.
Re: “go and kill the yellow man.” That’s not racial transcendence!
That was the best group of regular folks speaking ever. Not very awkward at all, even Barney.
loquaciousmusic: Mind? I think you’re late.
Born in the USA has a different meaning than it did when first misappropriated at one of Reagan’s conventions.
Now Bill Moyers is on my teevee wearing a blue sweater and looking like what would happen if Debbie Gibson guest starred on Tales from the Crypt.
Walter Sobchak: Except my radio isn’t made of wood and doesn’t produce a warm glow as I twiddle it’s knobs.
Anyone see “truck nutz” on the text message scroll?
Man, can you even imagine Election Night? There will be LOOTING! DANCING IN THE STREETS!
loquaciousmusic: perhaps you could share with the rest of us…no?
oops — i have vodka — never mind! *slurp*
Oh, furrners…I thought he lost his job to furriers and wondered, what? he’s a trapper? Now, I get it.
I liked the testimonials. They made me smile. And die a little inside.
12,l543 views, 497 comments. Revenue bump?
Why would they spoil the speech?
whatever_dc: Did you see his bitchin’ 70s getup? And I thought Barry would turn me teh ghey!
loquaciousmusic: Your secret is safe with us…
This thing is really badly paced. First we get all excited with Algore, then we get bored stiff by generals. Then Barney Smith works up the crowd, and is followed by fresh faced intern boy. This thing makes the Academy Awards look concise.
When do they do “Drums” and “Space?”
any chance Hopie wears an orange pantsuit?
Tybalt: You think they’re selling Coors Lite at this shindig?
itgetter: Yeah, the only problem was that Olbermann basically read the whole thing in his droning “news” voice. With no spoiler alert!
Yes! More Disco!
Remember: election night party, my treat, Ash Creek Saloon, Fairfield, CT. Be there or be square.
SayItWithWookies: Right after XTC comes on and performs Drums and Wires.
AngryBlakGuy: that’s what she said.
loquaciousmusic: Are you just starting? I just finished a bottle of Bordeaux, and now I am out of wine! (I blame George Bush) Now I have no option but to start hitting the Maker’s Mark. Mmm..
Shit, Sam Clemens is singing again.
loudmouthredhead: i’m already gay and he made me gayer (watch out elton john!)
loudmouthredhead: Keep talking dirty to me.
Also, YOUR NEW CONGRESSMAN FROM (wherever the fuck he’s from) BARNEY SMITH!!!!
Haha, Dick “the turban” Durbin is demoted to introducing the introduction? Poor guy.
CNN crowd pan — I can’t help noticing that the chicks are much cuter this convention. Or maybe I’m just older. Okay, nevermind. Back to drinking.
Rush: not when i take a sip dude! that was evil! (need a towel and not for that evil pervs!)
WETA is making me listen to Michael Mcdonald for a second time..
loquaciousmusic:
I live in FFLD!!!
I am positively ecstatic picturing every bitter racist dipshit fuckwad in America watching this on the teevees. As we snark and celebrate and drink ourselves into stupors, they are emptying both barrels of their sawed off shotguns into the walls of their double wides in fits of uncontrollable rage, sadness, and confusion.
loquaciousmusic: Go ahead. Catch up. We’ll wait on ya.
loudmouthredhead: So does Cindy
With all these flags and people it looks like a Fourth of July celebration. I can’t wait for the hot dog eating contest!
Rush: Come to my party, ‘k? Seriously. We’ll talk more later.
OMG, AnnieGetYourFun, are you hearing the freestyle rappers for Obama on NPR? I don’t think the NPR people can handle such hipness.
CNN says McCain won’t reveal his VP pick tonight. Ha — even his leak was a major fail. Of course, he usually has a nurse for that.
Rush: Wonkette: brining Connecticut neighbors together for more than three years.
loudmouthredhead: Did you hear Ron Elving? That guy is in e.
I WANT MY BARRY!!!!!! I’m going to cry.
I couldn’t resist sending in one of those texts to this thing: http://www.demconvention.com/sms-map/
Now I keep sending them in. I want my state’s star to be blood red and as of right now, it is. When I get my phone bill and have to pay sixty bucks for text messages to Barack’s computers I may regret it.
loquaciousmusic:
SURE!
ok kids, 5 minuutes to barry - get the lotion ready and close the curtains
bitchincamaro: I sure as fuck won’t wait. Keister that Makers like Keith Richards, jagorev!
Bill Kristol’s Obama Butt-Plug doesn’t look like it’s fitting quite right.
SayItWithWookies: He did apparently mutter “Wilfred Brimley”.
loudmouthredhead: I could HEAR all of the NPR reporters’ mom jeans inching upwards a little bit during that.
loquaciousmusic: I was hoping that Sleater-Kinney would reunite and do “Step Aside”.
smellyal8r: You know us Connectiquois. We have to stick together, what with the fact that we burn money to make fuel.
One thing I would never do is eat cold pizza and sleep on the floor, BTW.
The Hispanic Buddy Holly: But the winner would be a ferner! they took our contests!
obfuscator: *snap*
“Rise up to a better place”?
OHHAI. I CAN HAZ RAPSHER?
I like this Dick Turban guy
OMG! Dick Durbin, OMG! My other personal-trainer-US-Senator.
I am like So Luckyl or something. Cuz I gets to sleep on floors! (If Michelle is there with me, OK….)
So really, that’s his real name–”Dick Durb In”?
Dick Durbin is MAH BITCH.
But I like heroin!
AnnieGetYourFun: ON e, you idjit.
loquaciousmusic:
“Remember: election night party, my treat, Ash Creek Saloon, Fairfield, CT. Be there or be square.”
Don’t you have class in the morning? Oops, sorry.
I hope that all the bitters are having menopause times 1,000 right now.
Barry’s interns eat cold pizza and sleep on the floor? Luxury! In my day, Presidential candidates made their interns sleep in a hole in the ground and eat hot gravel.
Hah! David Strathairn is narrating the video! He’s the shit.
AnnieGetYourFun: Damn. I had money on Martin Van Buren.
…Is that Will Smith playing Barack Obama, and when does this movie come out?
4:30AM? Abuse!
Barry’s kid photos are the first Presidential candidate’s to be in color… Walnuts were cave paintings
Poor Barry…his dad was an arse. Very classy to leave your wife and kid.
AngryBlakGuy:
it’s O.J.
loquaciousmusic: Maybe their collective hot flashes will cause the great burning mentioned before.
loquaciousmusic: Oh, I couldn’t place that. Thanks.
This video had better fucking pick up towards the end. It’s too sober.
SpecialHorse: Cool map, thanks. Barack Obama is clearly in the pocket of big cellular.
I’m getting all misty from this video. I’m so glad this man is our guy.
dave666: Good question…
What happenned to the 5 guys to finish lower than McCain at Naval Avedemy? My guess is that a few made it all the way to manager of McDonalds.
894 : John McCain, Republican candidate for President of the United States
895 : Rear Adm. Angus Campbell MacLaurin, who commanded the 44th Naval Artillery Squadron in the Spanish-American War, whose lifetime disdain for trousers made his men famous as the “Pantsless Forty-Fourth”. Last seen mooning the Spanish lines from the top of San Juan Hill.
896 : Capt. Frankie Orlogskapen, drummed out of the service in 1960 because he couldn’t stop giggling whenever someone said the word “frigate”. Later became a famous ventriloquist’s dummy (thereby putting his Navy training to good use).
897 : Lt. Cmdr. Samuel Houston Ferriston, famous in Navy circles as “Friendly Fire Ferriston”. The only Naval officer ever to have successfully scuttled warships from four different classes. Later successfully commanded the USS Ed Meese, the last rowboat to see active service in a military campaign (the Meese was assigned to row back and forth in Kuwait’s harbor picking up trash left behind by the Iraqis. The Navy later forgot to take Ferriston and the Meese’s crew home with them; seventeen years later, they are still there.)
898 : Capt. Jethro LaFourche, who later became the chief adviser to the Ugandan Space Program. Pioneered the innovative training regimen of sealing astronauts up in metal barrels and rolling them down mountainsides (note: this really happened).
899 : The guy who told Cheney to say “We Will Be Welcomed As Liberators In Iraq”. Who shall remain nameless so as not to totally embarrass his family.
Geek love! Swooooon.
AAAAND there it is. A sped up beat. I knew it was coming.
Mcaskill quote was gold
Cute kid alert!
…”just like my grandparents”, obviously a RACIST reference to whitey!
And he plays UNO with his kids? God, can we just crown him now?
“I watched him back Joe Lieberman into a corner and threaten to give him a beatdown.”
…Barry couldn’t resist dropping the cute bomb on us could he?!
Sasha/Malia ‘08!
Tybalt: nice job
Holy hell! Was that a recreation of the famous portrait of Kennedy, or what?
Goofy me; I thought Leni Riefenstahl was dead.
AnnieGetYourFun: I still like this compared to the Hillary video. It seemed overly consumed with being “cool” in terms of production values.
f/d
jagorev: At least cell phones don’t cause cancer. Wait, what? They do?
grendel: McCant’s baby photos were sketched in the sky in tracers made by shooting stars.
Its not easy having Roy Orbison for your grand-dad
Strathairn is just KILLING ME. What a terrific narrator.
LET’S GET READY TO HOPEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loquaciousmusic: “Draw four, muthafucka! WHAT!”
I smell Oscar
Tybalt: that was basically the funniest thing ever.
Wait, no, I’m just drunk.
No, wait. YES IT WAS
obfuscator: I didn’t see either. All I’ve got it audio. I liked that they played Hillz’s cackling, though.
…ALL HAIL CAESAR BARACKUS!!! Hollowed be thy name!
Here we go, bitches!
HE’S HERE!!!!
what happened to our Wonkette hosts???
WTF? Who is still planning to vote for McCain? Soul-less bastards, that’s who.
PLEASE DON’T LET THEM PLAY A COLDPLAY SONG!
…let the panty throwing begin!!!
WOOOO HOOOOOO!!
Seriously? Middle of the field. PLEASE DON’T LET ANYONE ASSISSINATE HIM.
squeeeeeee
AngryBlakGuy: I just threw my boxers at the t.v. Does that count, do you think?
Sadium pan. Holy fuck!
This is the greatest Unicoronation EVAR!
i just had a “blue dress” moment
someone is counting the thank yous, please and thank you.
…he might as well pull up seat, they aren’t going to stop clapping anytime soon!
This music’s better than most of the shit we’ve heard so far. Fatboy Slim’s “Right Here, Right Now” should most certainly be his anthem. I can hear it now.
AngryBlakGuy: Mine are sitting on top of the radio - where are yours?
loquaciousmusic: I KNEW I recognized that voice! Thanks!
Rush: If you listen really hard, you can hear me screaming “YES WE CAN!” throughout Fairfield, Westport, Southport, and Norwalk.
What are the Repubs going to say now? “Big deal, he could only get 80,000 in the US to cheer for him in a stadium?”
Isn’t it time to change Yes We Can, to Yes WE Will, then, Yes WE Are???
That’s it, he accepted… tell Walnuts the party’s over…
You had me at “hello”
loquaciousmusic: …only if they are clean!
Hey, it’s started, his Barry’s Thank Yous just made triple figures! Plus some Thank You So Muchs in the mere dozens.
OMG, he ACCEPTS! Wow. Couldn’t see that coming. A strange night in politics.
Is Hillz even there? Haven’t seen her…
Ken, Come back! I can’t make it through this without you…
does this mean he’s reporting… for duty???
Obama is awesome tonight, but he still looks like he used to be the guy who ran the AV equipment in high school. Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry!
He said the C word! I win! Ha ha ha ha.
Did Hillary snub the speech? Ouch! What a fucking goddamn bitch whore slut monkey gremlin gnome!
Who are these Clinton people he is speaking of. Never heard of them.
…just thanked the Clintons and the troglodytes aren’t even there!!!
Fifteen minutes of the utterly expected. When does the hard rain start to fall?
Look at his daughters waving at him. I just barfed from cuteness.
AnnieGetYourFun: …I’m not wearing any in the first place!
grendel:I hope she has nosebleed seats. Heh.
Biden’s song should be “Morning Train(9 to 5)”.
Barry can say something beyond boilerplate any time now…
There are still 9999 tickets left for McCain’s rally. Takers?
Terry:
He reminds me of Chappelles white guy character
“A brief union between a man from Kenya and a woman from Kansas…”
My dad knocked up my mom and he got the hell out of America.
C’mon, Barry’s up, get your new post going Wonksters.
Those little girls are so sweet. Damn, I bet they even write thank you notes without being threatened.
How come one of ‘em’s named Sasha, but the one named Malia is wearing the sash?! Can we really trust this man?
KittyKatMan: I’ll trade you my kidney if I *don’t* have to go.
Fuck, I need a cigarette already. Thank god for DVR.
Sasha smiled & pointed at her dad. *sniffles*
AngryBlakGuy: But you know they’re watching…or rather, the bitters are watching.
I like it. Suck it Bush right out of the gate.
My snark generator just punked out on me. We’ve crossed the Rubicon, people. Now is the time to beat Bush and McCant and to go to the wine store and re-stock.
Love,
Bitchincamaro
xoxo
Poor Repubs… they had their hopes set on Obama coming off as Caligula standing before a temple while proclaiming his horse a Senator. I bet they half expected to see him in a toga.
KittyKatMan: Someone should buy them all and send them to PUMA.
heh, heh, heh, he said “choke”
I’m getting goosebumps and he hasn’t even gotten to the good stuff…
KittyKatMan: Well, my kitty does need kitty litter…
OOOh. Enough. I think I just came.
…I’M SPARTI errrrrr BARACKUS! NO I’M BARACKUS!
I thought he was going to say, “We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore!”
8 is enough, bitches!!
…ok, now its starting to look like one of those old communist archive films. All Barry needs is a beard!
…did Barry just pull out a lead pipe and take it to the back of WALNUTS! head?!?!?! Fukk Yeah!!!
Look at that stadium. And McCain’s got 9,985 tickets to unload for tomorrow night.
Wooh! Check out the he-she with the sunglasses on his-her head!
Eight is Enough chant? The crowd really loves them some seventies TV.
He’s got a lapel pin on!
He’s got a lapel pin on!
Eight is Enough!
Brady Bunch!
Hill Street Blues!
TeeVee party tonight!
Serolf Divad:
The RNC, Rove, McCain, and the rest are shit faced drunk right now.
The Nutter Arena, lots of open seats, and a crabby old bastard as a candidate who sold out his values in exchange for the fundy vote.
…oh shit, now he is reaching for a brick!
Old dustbag kickin time
Phil Gramm Slapdown!! Fuck you Gramm!
Gopherit v2.0:
Then there’d only be 9995 extra tickets.
Does Barry even know about five and a half years? Five and a half fuckin’ years!
Phil Gramm gets his 15 minutes of fame.
/fuck off, Phil
“whiners” are not “bitter”
EIGHT IS ENOUGH!
Still better than a nation of Winos.
“These are the Americans I know!” That’s the stuff.
Hey, who you callin’ a whiner?
…now he’s pulling out a knife?!
he stood up for us Whiners! woot!
bitchincamaro: Doesn’t your wine-store deliver?
Doesn’t care versus doesn’t know. Fucking BRILLIANT.
Oh, SHAZZAM. “He doesn’t know.” NICE.
Oh shit… the gloves are off, bitches! McCain doesn’t get it! Fuck yeah!
Shame Barry! Beating up on the old guy!
Trickle down=Republican golden shower
Oh, shit. He’s dissing the trickle-down economics! Ouch!
…kick him in the dustbags(testicles for those of you under a million) Barry!
Wow, he’s really kicking some ass.
Oh shit, here comes Socialist Barry!
he took a lesson from Cornel West or something with that “ownership society” riff
CNN.com can’t handle the bandwidth. Switching to manual. Help me Obi Wan….
“It’s time for them to own their failure.” This is the best sentence he’s said, ever.
ooh baby, I love it when Barry gets agressive. “It’s time for them to own their failure”. Yep, better late than never.
wonkette has surely died and gone to a bar
Jobs? He’s gonna make me get a job?
The Hispanic Buddy Holly:
For 5 1/2 years John McCain gave acceptance speeches to an audience composed of three cockroaches, a snail, two moths and a three legged mouse.
He’s daring to cast aspersions on our billionaires! He really does hate America!
…he is “laying the smack down on WALNUTS! monkey ass”!!!
Barry just opened some serious whoop-ass on the Repubs.
Yeah, well, John McCain’s dad marched in Washington’s army… beat that!
This one post is going to pay Ken’s rent for a freakin’ YEAR.
El Bombastico: …where do I pick up my little red book?!
fuck the genealogy, make fun of mcGrommit!
he is not saying HOW he’s gonna save our souls - undecided folks will need to hear more than “south side of chicago” shit
400 comments! i’m so glad we’re doing this together, wonketteers. for the first time in my adult life, i’m really proud of our country’s internets.
Obama, you elitist with a grandmother!
obfuscator: AND loves his gramama. Clearly some sort of Muslim terrorist gay commie.
Fuck, he’s killing it with the ‘celebrities’ line. You know he’s been working on that since those ads aired.
He’s doing a great job of going straight at McCain’s bullshit attacks.
grendel: …John McCain’s grandmother was Eve!
Mc Cranky is clutching his whithered old bag somewhere I bet
Help, not hurt. For, not against. Meh.
He needs to pick this up… it’s not emotional enough… people need to feel it in their gut
…ok, now Barry is just running the score up!
Rush: He is SPELLING IT OUT now, biatch.
America needs to promise to call us after having gay butt secks in the back seat of a Chevy.
CNN has hooked me up to some sort of viewing party with a two-minute delay. They’re overwhelmed.
AngryBlakGuy: His mom’s so old, her prom theme was “Fire”.
grendel: I just read the end on Drudge. It’s going to be great. Promise.
The market should reward drunks.
grendel: Huh. I wanted the step by step, but now I don’t care. I needz a dreem.
Woah. Ending fossil fuel dependence, when?
Sennider Joe, wake UP!!!
Digging this concrete details part… needs more McCain nut kicking, though
dear arabs - fuck you in 10 more years.
No more middle east oil…where we gonna get it? Oh.
…th-th-th-that n-n-n-not ch-ch-ch oh fukk it you c%nt!!!
John McCain is gonna make us all 5 millionaires… just like Mugabe did in Zimbabwe.
Toein’ the oil indepependence line. Which of course is sorta BS.
Quick, over to the new thread, drunkards! Huzzah!
grendel: I think this, by nature has to be a workmanlike speech. it’s probably the best chance he’ll ever get to blow away the idea that he’s too vagure or abstract.
nevertheless, I do want to see him set a goal that, within 8 years, an American will play golf again in outer space, like we used to, when we were men.
But if we drill here and now, we can cut our addiction to foreign oil in six months. Why does Barry hate our precious oil fluids?
Clean coal: ewww.
Nuclear: ehhh…
jarsilver: …amen brother!
Has he even mentioned MLK yet?
$15 billion/year in solar?! fuck plastics, son, go solar!!
Oh, look. Jim found his laptop or something.
Obama’s going to develop a people’s car, a “folks wagon” if you will… no wait.. scratch that.
Finally a liveblog for this speech… going over there
“Congress has been complaining about our oil addiction for 30 years. And McCain has been there for 26.” Using McGeritol’s experience against him….ooooh harsh.
Oooh, he brushed up against the teachers with his Hope Stick, then told them he’d expect higher standards and more accountability.
Rush: why not? they’ve been fucking us for at least 50.
Rush: …p.s. I have been slipping pork into your food for the past 7 decades!
This is all very stumpy and wonky and ballsy, and not very lofty and inspirational.
FUCK YEAH!!!!
Hold it! This all sounds nice, but…..
What about the leaky borders?! What about the muslims hiding in our closets, waiting to torture our families?
Who’s going to stop all the brown people?
…with that single line about insurance, WALNUTS! just received a 2 million dollar donation from the insurance lobbyist!
the roman temple works well as a backdrop but it kind of looks like a dentist’s waiting room when they do a tight shot…
loquaciousmusic: Oh, he is, he IS. Strathairn, that is. (He is also fr/ Hawaii, fyi.) That lifestory vid they just showed made me cry more than any movie since “Eight Men Out.”
When do the magic tricks start?
Ooooh, it’s ON!
How’s that shank to the belly feel, McCain?
Allah Ackbar
He’s finally getting all MLK on their asses!!
The man is a master debater.
WHERE ARE THE BALLOONS??? STUPID DEMOCRATS HATE AMERICA BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BALLOONS!!!
whatever_dc: They can’t have them or else Huckabee will go on TV and make an assassination “joke.”
The first time around, Michael McDonald sucked. After a bottle of wine…very inspirational.