Wonkette
Barack Obama and his Husseinbots tried to suffocate all three Clintons last night, in a Pepsi Center elevator. That is not Change We Need — it’s attempted murder! Read this SUN-TIMES EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT: “The Clinton family — Bill, Hillary and Chelsea — got stuck in an elevator Wednesday night, shortly after they left their box at the Pepsi Center … The Clintons got stuck midway between one floor and the next, and ultimately had to climb out of the elevator, back up three-and-a-half-feet to the next floor.” According to this EXCLUSIVE, “Observers were impressed at how calm everyone remained” in the face of rogue black hope elevators trying to kill them. [Chicago Sun-Times]
CRISES
Pepsi Center Elevators Try To Eliminate Clintons
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2:40 PM
on Thu August 28 2008
By
Jim Newell
1218 Views
If this campaign drops below $55 million / month this thing will explode
There’s a metaphor here. I am just too tired to reach for it.
I think the real story here is in the graphic that ABCnews.com picked to represent their article covering this event.
http://a.abcnews.com/images/Politics/hillaryelevator_080828_mn.jpg
Bill, proper elevator function is greatly hampered by the addition of undue quantities of cheese fries. Just saying.
That’s nothing — might I remind you that John McCain’s been stuck on top of the Batshit Ferris Wheel for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!
LIvin’ it up while I’m goin’ down.
That’s what they get for retrofitting with all-wood elevators.
Climbing Clintons? Sounds like a circus act. Do we have video?
Didn’t Aerosmith write a song about this?
“Icy Indifference in an elevator
Livin it up when Im goin down…”
(Yes, I am full of shame for even knowing about the original song, glad you asked!)
That’s not the only dog Bill’s been fellated by.
The Clintons eventually took a freight elevator down.
Uppity white folk. Trying to use the front elevators. That’ll show ‘em.
Most awkward elevator ever.
I wouldn’t have been worried in their place either. Bill has a whole herd of Secret Service following him still, doesn’t he? Gung ho types in black suits ready to die for a president or ex-president will NOT allow their subject to be stuck in an elevator for long.
The hilltard$ will have to vote for Hopey now!
In memoriam.
Doglessliberal: Yeah I know. Something about failures and rescues. Or political C-sections. Whatever. Anyway, they should consider themselves warned.
Was Steven Tyler there? Didddy diddy diddy, down down down, nuh, nuh….
FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES, ALAN! FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES!!!!!!11!!!
I hope none of the blood from old Bill Pembry’s corpse on the elevator roof dripped onto Hilz’ orange pantsuit.
If you want to break through that ceiling, you have to find the door and climb your ass out of it. Chelsea can learn from this incredibly ironic example. Truth is stranger….
Hillary wears pantsuits precisely for situations like this.
On second thought I think it was JIM Pembry.
JadedDIssonance: Oh wait…they didn’t die…
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez:
Touche.
MoodProcessor: It’s a good thing the Hilltards put 18 million scratches in that ceiling
They forgot the part where, as the Clintons are rushed from the teetering elevator by the SWAT team, Hillary turns around and looks back and hopelessly yells “My shoe!” And then, of course, the part where Agent James Carville has a stand-off with Chris Matthews, who set the elevator trap for the Clintons, and Chris Matthews sets off an explosion that seemingly kills him, but only wounds his leg, so he can go on to rig a leftover Clinton campaign bus carrying Sandra Bullock and Beth Grant to explode if Clinton’s delegate count goes under 50 percent.
Manofsteel: Already did the obligatory Speed joke
John McCain knows a thing or two about being stuck in small confined spaces, my friends.
I bet it’s the only time Bill and Hill have gone down together since the Carter years.
The final humiliation.
Also, since the Dems are a unified party now, why didn’t Barry magic the elevator unstuck with his Divine Juju? Oh, and pay Hils debts while he’s at it, possibly taking the pants suit size down a few notches for good measure.
Perhaps this was an attempt by the mob to lean a bit on Hils to pay her debts.
Who else was in the elevator?
The only way that could have been more awkward is if they’d been trapped with Hopey.
Otis has it out for Bill…
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Bill couldn’t get it up? I call bullshit.