Wonkette
Civil War veteran John McCain served his country with “honor,” but he has no idea what “honor” even means! In a hilarious Q&A with TIME Magazine — hilarious because he’s just barking “Get off my lawn!” at the poor reporters — McCain is asked a simple, boring, “just quote your stump speech” question, and he goes absolutely crazy.
There’s a theme that recurs in your books and your speeches, both about putting country first but also about honor. I wonder if you could define honor for us?
Read it in my books.
I’ve read your books.
No, I’m not going to define it.
But honor in politics?
I defined it in five books. Read my books.
Th-that’s n-not straight talk we can b-believe in!
Jesus, if you can’t give some rote definition of honor when your entire campaign is built around your Honorable Patriotism bullshit, you should really just hang it up, let Mitt or somebody take the nomination.
McCain gets bonus Nasty Points for demanding that people buy five of his goddamned books to figure out how he might define “honor in politics,” even if you’ve already read them.
Also, he didn’t write any of “his” books — they were all written by his loyal propaganda aide, Mark Salter.
Prickly McCain Refuses To Define “Honor” In Interview [TPM]
McCain’s Prickly TIME Interview [TIME]
The prickly guy should pick the prick LIEberman as VP. Please, God.
“Read my FIVE AND A HALF books”!
Hey, get off McCain’s back! At least this time he knows how many books he’s had ghost-written about his undefinable honor unlike the time when he was asked how many homes he was given for keeping Cindy high as a kite all the time.
Honor: the ability to answer every question with: did you know I spent 5.5 years in a POW camp?
I’ll show him, I’ll go to Borders and sit down and read the whole damn thing while sipping on my cold black coffee (to resemble his soul).
And then, when I am done, I will put back the copy and walk away.
But I won’t go to the library. Because that is what the Communists would want me to do.
Is the weight of his cheeks making him that grumpy looking?
“READING IS FUNDAMENTAL, GOD DAMN IT!!”
Is Wonkette writing McCain’s material now?
Some people’s personalities are not suited to the national spotlight… Thankfully Walnuts! isn’t one of them! He’s endlessly (and unintentionally) hilarious!
That’s not shameless plugging we can believe in!
Also, judging from his interview, he isn’t above killing a few interns or volunteers to get his way.
What with the poisoning his own food and planting terrorist carbombs and all.
Too Lazy To Sign In: “while sipping on my cold black coffee (to resemble his soul).
” Well played, sir.
DEFINITION: Honor - 5 and half years in a Vietnam prison.
What Johhny should have said is:
“My friends, “honor” is our ability to bomb the fuck out of anyone we want because they piss me off. I would also “honor” a booty call from my wife, Mrs. Stepford.”
If WALNUTS! chooses Mittens he better be prepared to acknowledge that his comb-over will look even more ridiculous next to a head of thick, luxurious, Mormon hair.
Honor is pretty flowers that smell bad.
Senator McCain, I wonder if you could define honor for us.
I’ve done it before.
But could you do it again for us
I know what it is, I’m not going to sit here and define it.
I think you don’t really
Yes I do.
Betcha don’t
I tell you what.. why don’t you define it and I’ll tell you if you’re right.
I’m not falling for that, sorry
What was the assignment again?
Define honor
Whoops! Looks like we’re out of time! What a shame, ’cause I had so much to say about honor and how I define it. Maybe next time.
I vote for “goes” as the missing verb in the “and he absolutely crazy” clause in the first graph.
Unless we be speeking Jah-may-kin now mon.
Fighting Bill: Sorry, but according to MSNBC McCain HIMSELF said he’s leaning towards Wilford Brimley.
Although I agree that Joe Lieberman would be a hillarious choice, may I still put a word in for my old boss Carly Fiorina? I have absolutely no doubt that no one could fuck up the McCain campaign more than Carly could.
NoWireHangers: Is that like Cherokee hair? Do they sell Mormon Hair Tampons?
I could define Honor Blackman.
NoWireHangers: Not to mention McCain is like 5′5″ tall & Mittens will tower over him. The Mormon is also easier to look at; Walnuts is pretty much in pre-rigor mortis stage at this point.
Also, I read ‘Why Courage Matters’ by faux John McCain. I can’t say it was an illuminating book, as ’twas exclusively about courage in war amidst violence and whatnot. So, I’m thinking they should fire machine-gun bursts at the Rep. convention, aimed above head height, so’s they can get their honor on.
Honor (from wiki) is the evaluation of a person’s trustworthiness and social status based on that individual’s espousals and actions.
Honor (from McCain) is bending over and taking it while your rival slams your vicodin addicted wife’s generous adoption of a Bangladeshi baby then hiring all the scum who fucked you over to attempt to do the same to an upppity negro celebrity while mouthing platitudes about real honor.
Johnny Zhivago: You’re kidding. Wilford? Really? What kind of name is Wilford? Did his parents hate him?
Can’t wait until his first press conference as President.
“Talk to my aides about how the economy is doing”
“Read my books if you want to get an idea about my attitude toward China”
“Israel and the Palestinians? I spent 5 and a half years in prison.”
oh Hopey. it would be so timely and ass kicky if you defined honor in your roman rock concert speech thing. oh, it’s tee’d up, maing.
TGY: Walnuts! would crash off the stage (a la Bob Dole) and be taken prisoner
Wait, does this mean that Oldest Living Confederate woman wasn’t a Widow?
scene: a suburban bedroom. “Hello Kitty” posters adorn the walls, and clumps of masturbated-into kleenex litter the floor. Running footfalls are heard, getting closer. The door opens, and a journalist with Time (Chrissy Morrow), visibly distraught, pauses a moment and then, convulsed with sorrow, throws himself sobbing on bed
Chrissy: Oh, John McCain, how could you! continues sobbing. Maternal June Cleaver figure appears at door, one hand on the doorframe and a concerned look on her face.
June: Chrissy? What is it honey?
Chrissy: John McCain. . . he was . . . PRICKLY WITH ME! more sobbing.
June: Oh, Chrissy, that’s what happens when you let politicians do the buttsex with you for years and then try to ask even basic questions. They lose respect for you.
And to think I thought Bush was scary and irrational. McCain’s like some kind of rabid bear.
If you happen to encounter a John McCain in his natural habitat, don’t get too close, don’t make any sudden moves, don’t make eye contact, and for the love of god, do not ask any direct questions.
Damn liberal media bias, always making John “the angry dwarf” McCain look, sound , and smell angrier than he really is (which is quite a feat by the way.
FOR SHAME , the elderly man is a hero, veteran , pow, and a senile-crippled-invalid. Why dont you leave him alone and let him go back to his “stories” on the tee-vee.
Whats the deal with his sons? Why wont he talk about them? Is it like how he doesn’t bring out his adopted daughter?
I can only imagine what Saddam Hussein would be doing with the wealth he would acquire with oil at $110 and $120 a barrel.
What’s that legal term? Clean hands? Begging forgiveness for patricide because you’re now an orphan? Or perhaps just being a douchebag who can’t understand that $120/bbl and the Iraq invasion are somehow, indefinably, tenuously linked in a very complicated way.
Tool.
Johnny Zhivago: I’ve been waiting to hear more about Carla from the inside. She’s slick as batshit as a TV surrogate, though it only takes a few minutes to realize she’s a soulless piece of crap. What she did to her company is what McCain would do to the country, so it’s a good fit.
If his wife cuts him off for another off the cuff ‘trollop’ remark he’s gonna need that book money. Poppa can’t buy Ferragamo loafers with his own money.
Don’t worry that he can’t define honor, he can’t define victory either. He also isn’t really sure of the definition of “respectably run campaign” either. So there’s alot of stuff that’s up in the air at the moment.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Lascauxcaveman: There’s a poster for bubble tea at a restaurant near me that shows a smiling Asian woman drinking said beverage over the exhortation “LET ME CRAZY!” Therefore, I must assume that crazy is now a verb, though this use of it should have actuall been “and then he crazies”.
I so much want him to lose it in a debate. We need him just to get red in the face and go batshit one time. Hey, America, here’s the “experience” candidate! He is INSANE.
Isn’t it just “McNasty”?
Can’t stop looking at those cheeks. His fat face makes James Earl Jones look skinny.
I’m a fuckin’ hero and a patriot, goddammit! *throws empty beer can*
McCain has realized that the jig is up on his horrible, misdirected campaign and is just trying to profit from it personally as much as he can while the spotlight lasts. Big sale on Truck Nutz Divot Toolz!
floraway: he really does have that mean-streak-disguised-with-”jokes” thing going on. A nasty bully. You can imagine how he treated the less popular guys in high school and at the Academy.
Servo: When do we get to hear the story about how his nose was bit off by a Saigon whore?
“Honor is me not tossing your salad like the gooks did to me so many times…”
RuperttheBear: You, my friend, deserve a star, a gold one!
Godot: This bit of strikethru humor did not go as planned…
Preview Post plz
TGY: It’s his middle name…but Allen Brimley don’ sell oats or encourage people to get involved with some sort of medicare fraud scheme…
mookworthjwilson: Cindy is not from Saigon
Stupid reporter. Now you’re on your way to gitmo. But, hey, at least you’ll have five and a half books to read on your lil vacation.
Doglessliberal: Shit, look how he treats his benefactor..
He’s had a free pass from the press for eight years because he boosted their sniveling collective self-esteem by chatting with them as if they were actual humans and not celebrity-chasing attention whores who want to substitute their individual and collective wisdom for the will of the people. Now he’s going to find out what happens when he doesn’t pander to them. Uh-oh, Juan Mc-5.5, you kicked over the hornets’ nest, and they’re gonna sting you good!
Well, in better news, according to NOAA we won’t have to worry about the Florida vote!
…Honor is the name of the Vietnamese lady-boy whore that took his (anal)virginity. Sweet, sweet Honor!!!
This shit is all going to be hilarious until he wins by 1 point. God damn I hate this country.
Thats right, I’m getting real dark on all your asses.
I wonder if Meghan defined honor in her book as well. If so, she should be pissed that he didn’t demand the reporter buy hers as well.
AngryBlakGuy: John McCain was held by a Vietnamese lady-boy, then he got honor.
mookworthjwilson:
I’m waiting for the story of his sexcapade with a 13-year-old boy at Pattaya Beach, Thailand, courtesy of his Tailhook buddies.
Say, doesn’t Mittens have a property there?
“Define ‘honor’”
“Last night, after three beers, I looked over at Cindy with a twinkle in my eye, and then I was honor like white on rice.”
Godless Liberal *: Thank you for invoking the most terrible image ever. Show some restraint, it’s still pretty early on the west coast.
At least he knows how many books have been written for him.
JeffGoldblum: You sound like Michelle Obama when you diss the Land of the Crying Jesus-Eagle like that.
freakishlystrong: this one seems to say the LA vote issue will be moot. But there ia another one behind Gustav already, Hannah, that might take care of FL.
http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at2+shtml/144513.shtml?5day#contents
Serolf Divad: aaand finally….”I know you are, but what am I?”
Moderator: Mr. McCain, your word is…”honor.”
McCain: Could I get a definition, please?
Moderator: ‘You can read about “honor” in all five of John McCain’s books.’
McCain: What’s the origin?
Moderator: John McCain.
McCain: Are there any alternate pronunciations?
Moderator: It’s sometimes pronounced MAH-ver-RICK.
McCain: Ok…ok. “Honor”…..(gulps)….F-I-V-E…A-N-D…A….H-A-L-F…….Y-E-A-R-S. Honor.
Moderator: That is correct.
Godless Liberal *: DINGDINGDINGDINGDING
WINNAR!
Lascauxcaveman: I like to think of it as standard black English, as in “I’d go shopping with her more often, but… well, bitch crazy.”
Doglessliberal: Ya, that’s Hanna on the right and Gustov on the left, Hanna’s a filthy Republican…a friend of mine said “Florida looks like the crack in a Hurricane’s ass..”
“Yes, I can define honor. But you know there was five and a half years when nobody asked me to define honor because they were too busy being really mean to me. FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN!”
freakishlystrong: poor Florida. The people should all leave and let it return to the wetlands and flora and fauna that actually belong there. AngryBlakGuy, you can stay there if you promise to be kind to the enviroment and your local panthers, if there are any left.
KevoTron: you know, if time in captivity counts as experience and a qualification to lead the USA, there are a lot of innocent men who have been recently freed from prison around the country–one a month or so in VA after 17 years for something he didn’t do. I bet he’d be real happy to sit in the Oval Office.
Memo to the McCain Staff: In the future, do not schedule interviews with the Senator during nap time.
Doglessliberal: I live here as well, and it pains me what they’ve done to it. I searched for years for a house, because I wanted an original Florida home, mine was built in 1950, when there was a tangerine grove there.
The question must be asked: Has John McCain read any of John McCain’s five books? (I think we ca guess the answer to that - he’s a busy man.)
AngryBlakGuy: Sure he’s the guy holding his hand on this picture
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Vietcapturejm01.jpg
Doglessliberal: The A-Team for President? Oh, the high-jinx we’ll get into, trying to get BA into Air Force One.
“Where’s that fucking intern with my Metamucil?!”
freakishlystrong: my husband and I love visiting for our annual trip–we spend our time at Spring Training games and then wildlife refuges/national parks. Nothing like baseball, sun, roseate spoonbills, and manatees.
can (I’m apparently too busy to spell “can” correctly)
iwillsavethispatient: they couldn’t do worse than what we’ve had for the past 7.5 years.
What part of “POW” don’t you understand, punk!!
thefrontpage: Thank you so much; I thought I was the only Wonketteer to remember Honor Blackman. FYI, everybody else, she was a famous actress during the Puritan era, when people had names like Cotton, Patience or Honor. All the Puritans had English accents, and she was no exception — but I must say, she looked a lot better in those clothes than most, sort of like Kelly McGillis in “Witness.” After Honor made a James Bond movie, she was burned as a witch.
“Read the damn books! I’m sure the writers, ahem…I answered that somewhere.”
WALNUTS! was just afraid he would get the definition wrong and that it would come back to haunt him. Which he would have. And, it would have. This was the only option open to him, besides the classic “look over there!” and run away tactic. But if he expects the voters to READ BOOKS he’s even more out of touch than I thought.
He’s a PR train wreck, but he has the octogenarian pity vote on lock. He’ll magically be even in the polls, still.
Need…. new… snark… c’mon Wonketeers, get up from your godless liberal drunken debauchery and write something…
TIME Magazine: “Senator, would you kindly give us your definition of Honor?”
McCorpse: “Fuck. You.”
TIME Magazine: “How would you define Integrity?”
McCorpse: “Get the fuck outta my face!”
Cindy (appearing at the front door): “I found you epsom salts, dear.”
McCorpse: “Get your skinny ass back in the house!” *turns back to reporters* “…and didn’t I just tell you to get the fuck outta here!?”
now, now! Don’t be a Whiner! Gotz to keep that sense of humor!
This is like a serial killer who leaves clues to reveal the inner workings of his sick mind.
If you look on the nightstand of my seventh house, you will find a book. Turn to page 189 for my thoughts on the definition of torture, in which I argue that I was not tortured. I will show you torture.
Dude, Brad Pitt better not open that box.
McCain’s press people are now saying that it was actually Eldon Smith who gave the TIME interview.
Too Lazy To Sign In: when you are drinkin’ the cold coffee leafin’ through those books, try to spill something in there, drop some crumbs as a little present for the loser who buyz it.
Or, if you have a cold, sneeze on it a few times.
definition of HONOR:
-A holding, or group of holdings, forming a large estate, such as the land held by an Earl.
OR
-The privilege of teeing off first on a hole, usually given to the player who scores the lowest on the previous hole.
Take your pick
I’ve got a theory here:
a. McCain’s being unusually testy lately, even for John McCain.
b. Haven’t seen any of those famous “tracking polls” for a few days, after a popular vp pick and, so far, a well choreographed, exciting dem convention
c. Conclusion: Our man Barry has opened up a huge, perhaps insurmountable, lead.
It might be wishful thinking, but I’m holding to it until I’m proved wrong.
Question: since Slater wrote all his books, does this mean Slater was also the one who got shot down in ‘Nam?
Drilling for Dollars, that’s John McCain. But has he written a best seller? I’d love for him to star in my music video. It’s about fast cars, chicks, intersections and going everywhere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqAcIpGY8Nw
gurukalehuru: No, you’re right. Gallup has Barry up by 6 today. The surveys were taken before last night. McCain knows he’s fucked with a cactus.
Oooo that McCrotchety!
Godless Liberal *:
Honor:
http://scifipedia.scifi.com/index.php/Honor_Harrington
Wonkette used to be this delightfully satiric look an Washington - what happened? Hadn’t visited Wonkette for a while. Now what I find here is nasty and insanely partisan. Kind’a sad.
“Define honor” - to a reporter, in a sound-bite, on the fly? Not really material for a one line answer, so not a very good question. Imagine you had thought about and carefully written down your views on a meaningful subject. Now imagine some (obviously lazy-ass) reporter asks you about that same subject. Right. We can expect well-written and carefully-researched work from THAT reporter.
Or not. Would you blow off that reporter? Why not?
A little less rabid would be nice…