Wonkette
It was a hard-fought primary, but in the end, Bill Clinton’s old Arkansas magic just couldn’t work another time. So now he’s stuck with a boring old prime time slot on the second-to-the-last night of the convention, yammering about national security when he really wants to talk about math and numbers and dollars like he did in the 90s. Let’s see how he muddles through…
8:56 PM — Wait, what? “Chain of Fools”? Really? The symbolism is thick. People are all clapping on 2 and 4, at least.
9:01 PM — Some loser comes out for more boring crap before Bill Clinton. Oh thank God here he is. Rapturous applause, etc. The nice thing about this terrible seat is at least you have a good view of the delegates on the floor. YESTERDAY’S GONE…
9:03 PM — If there are a whole bunch of Democrats in this audience who hate Bill Clinton for his tacky behavior during the primaries, they are being drowned out by all the screaming middle-aged women who still want to get with him. God, he is still more popular than his wife, isn’t he?
9:04 PM — “I am here as a proud mother, as a proud wife…” ha ha, just kidding. Well, he got the support for that other guy out of the way pretty quickly.
9:06 PM — Multiple reassurances that he and Hillary will not do anything terribly obvious to sabotage the Obama candidacy.
9:08 PM — We are sandwiched between very young page-looking people who have been scheming for an hour to get a better seat, and finding none, they have settled for standing up and blocking the view of the very irritated people behind them. On the plus side, one of their jackets is covering your editor’s chilled shoulder. It is still deathly cold in here, even in this arena of like 40,000 people.
9:10 PM — Michelle Obama does not like this man at all. Her seething distrust is visible even on the 75% obscured Jumbotron across the hall. Oh, right. Bill Clinton is talking. Too bad we can’t hear a fucking word of it.
9:12 PM — “Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States.” Now was that so hard? He is talking about leveraging things now, and global warming and biological weaponds. But enough about Obama! Let’s talk about how Bill Clinton singlehandedly defeated AIDS, with his many corporate sponsors.
9:16 PM — “Wonderful new jobs for our young people.” Well, that sounds nice. We’ll take three! Oh, nice line — something about the power of our example rather than the example of our power. Now everyone in the audience wants to have sex with Bill Clinton and USA!
9:18 PM — Ooh, Angry Bill Clinton came tonight. Finally Michelle cracks a smile. This arena is too large for everyone to shout “Yes we can!” in unison. It echoes around the hall. Tomorrow night will be a disaster.
9:20 PM — He has a great talent for explaining things in a way that make sense to stupid people. This is a vital talent for any American politician, and one we fear is lacking in Barack Obama, who “trusts in people’s intelligence” or whatever. Like this bit that Clinton just said about “the Republicans want us to reward them for the last eight years with four more” — reward and punishment, even morons get that. Labrador retrievers get that.
9:23 PM — Clinton: I was young before Barack Obama was young. But we are maybe too hard on him. He still gives a good speech, and lays it all out very simply and forcefully.
9:25 PM — And WOW that’s it? So succinct! Next up, some boring live sex shows until Biden comes out on a carpet of human hair. Stay tuned.
…what, no orange pantsuit?!?!?!
I miss the Clinton years… good times. I do not miss Hillary.
Don’t stop thinking about how he screwed up.
His intro really should have been “Atomic Dog.”
I love all the MILFs rockin’ it for Bill!
…I half expect him to accept the Democratic nomination!
Michelle looks cool to all this.
…maybe if they cheer long enough there wont be need for him to speak!
Flash to Michelle’s face: She looks like she can barely choke back the vomit.
I can’t believe they let that criminal onstage — I mean, he lied about a blowjob.
Bill Clinton cares about black people.
BILLS HAIR IS PERFECT!
This applause is really going to cut into his time at the Spearmint Rhino after his speech
You are pissed off to be here tonight…
I really wonder how they managed to get Bill to commit to talking about foreign policy and for only ten minutes or so. Like what sort of info did they have on him to keep him in line?
Granny panties are flying to the stage. What a douchebag. He can rub one out to this video for weeks.
God, Billy Boy loves the limelight and the applause… he missed this shit.
This crowd loves Bill so much it would literally stick a cigar in itself for him.
Oh man, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?
“Please stop, don’t make me stain your dresses…”
“Please — stop cheering and applauding wildly. No, really.”
…damn, that was quick!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Aw, go ahead. Soak it up Bill. You’re ego can fit on stage with you. That’s just not right.
Nice passive-aggressive dig at Joe Biden there.
He loves Biden, but hates ol’ Hopey.
Good luck warming the crowd, I believe that John Kerry is sandwiched in between.
People will be in a coma before Biden speaks.
kfcbeveragelover: THAT’S why he wants ev eryone to stop cheering. I thought it was because he hates this more than that goddamn blue dress.
is it just me but does Billy look younger than normal tonight
You like me…you really like me…Thank yew, thank yew
Hillary looks pissed. And is that Rhea Pearlman in front of Hill?
“What an amazing year Democrats have had…ah, all the good times when myself and my wife were tearing the party apart irrevocably…I wish we could relive them all.”
…Bill is looking good!
This is so difficult for him…
Bill is a staunch supporter of Black Men..
Why aren’t they burning all those American flags? I thought dems were down for that shit. That is why I keep voting for them after all.
Oh, shit. We’re here? I’ve been offering witticisms on the other thread.
Mmmm. Wait. His nose looks like Rudolph. There. That’s it.
This ain’t no 10-minute speech.
Hey, did you know Hillz got 18 million votes?
Uh oh. The index finger has arrived.
Except they won’t let Carter talk. boo.
Bill is controlling his rage well!
Very well said…
loquaciousmusic: Go with the penis jokes, this might be our last chance to relive the ’90s.
I’ll bet that whole hall smells like wet arugula farts.
Eeeew. Gross.
The job of the American president is the mix the American metaphor.
micapam: He’s even double-indexing tonight.
I like how he isn’t backtracking on every single thing he said for the past year re: Obama.
micapam: And the thumb.
A “cwear gwasp”? Oh, you wascally wabbit!
“family heritage” will be our new euphemism for negro
Muslim family heritage subliminal message. Nice.
I am not as think as you drunk I am.
…Bill knows how to work the crowd.
jagorev: He said “long and hard.” Heh.
Seems to be rushing through– wants to get back stage to the after after after party– the one without Pant Suity lingering around
I think just saw Ana Marie Cox…
The “no sideburns” look is a questionable choice.
Oh shit, did he just imply that Barry isn’t ready for the national securities without Biden?
What is that weird shit around the neck of Michelle’s dress?
Hurray, the “ready to lead” line destroys the most obvious Fox News talking point.
Remember when Preznits were lucid, could speak complete sentences and were THOUGHTFUL?
“Everyone, please welcome, Secretary of State Bill Clinton!”
Godless Liberal *: …he is a bigger man than I thought.
This speech actually doesn’t really suck a lot or at all.
Gopherit v2.0: nah its just cankle night and he’s gotta get there for the early bird 2 for 1 lapdance
I forgot how much I have missed hearing him speak…
Bill has a very unlike skin tone for a white man. It’s like hot buttery peach with strawberry pink accents.
“He will take natural male ENHANCEMENT pills. Actually, he doesn’t need them. Nevermind.”
I just wish all three of them would go home and not help. Go write books or something, just don’t help, dear God please don’t help!!
“I care deeply about the struggle against HIV/AIDS in foreign countries… you never know what you might pick up on fact finding trips… “
Military force should be a last resort when your cousin is Osama Bin Laden, duh.
“No, seriously! I really think he’s ready to lead! *snort* I’m, like, soooo serious here.”
Clinton has not said McCain’s name yet. I hope the specific McCain ripping is coming at some point.
Gopherit v2.0: Pleeze, pretty pleeze!
Worked it back to economics didn’t ya…
hockeymom: I think they are silk flowers, but they do NOT work. Your kids are cute, Michelle. Don’t let them dress you for the night on the town.
so much for the 10 min speech. Who’s starting the pool? I have 23 minutes.
…hehehehe, Bill is just placing Barack Obama’s name in front of everything he would/wants to do. He is slowly dying inside right now!
Bill Clinton lives in Magical Pony Land…
The example of our power! IN MY PANTS!
hockeymom: Yes yes yes
AngryBlakGuy: That’s what SHE said, wokka wokka.
hockeymom says at 9:09 pm, August 27th, 2008 - ReplyWhat is that weird shit around the neck of Michelle’s dress?
– A secret electronic muzzle.
“Power of our example” is a good line. It was getting a bit dutiful and boring.
I like what he did there with the “power of our example vs. the example of our power” bit. What a terribly clever turn of phrase.
OMCG, Bill is on his game.
Oh look, there’s Spike Lee, looking bored.
……and here it comes, hockeymom.
hockeymom: I was wondering that too. Maybe that’s Biden’s gig.
It’s so fucking obvious that Bill could be talking about anyone here: “INSERT NON-HILLARY CANDIDATE HERE” is my choice.
DoctorCulturae: He invented the thumb. It’s his most lasting legacy. (That and the jism they couldn’t get out of the oval office carpet…)
I gotta give it to Bill. (Not that he’d be likely to object.) He is singing the praises of Barack in a way that would have sounded totally fake from Hillary — and he actually sounds like he means it.
Remember in the ’90s when this shit was popular? Damn, those were good years.
It’s a trademark Bill Clinton laundry list. What’s amazing is that he can rattle off one detailed point after another and make it interesting, while three speakers before him spoke in broad generalities that could’ve been sweepingly poetic and they bombed.
…geez, how many sound bytes is he going to give the media! I smell a 15 point bounce; sorry WALNUTS! watch what you wish for!
what the hell is on his right wrist… is that a kabbalah bracelet?
Children with autism!! Never forget!!!
jagorev: *****FOX NEWS ALERT***: Bill Clinton Speaks: “Barack Obama [isn't] ready to lead” Sentence interrupted by crappy, stupid hippie audio wiring.
now he’s bullshitting
everybody knows autism isn’t real
Sling it Bill!
The war on UNICORNS and the unlimited favors for the well connected?
OMG!!!11!!1!!!
OMG, the booing and hissing! I fear a rabble rousing…
Bill deserves a BJ
And the Bush ass-kicking commences.
Wait - Hurricane Kronyism? Did I miss something?
This is a great speech (believe it or not).
He REFUSED to join in the Yes We Can chant.
geek usa: no…still generic, anti-republican. No McCain mention.
who is barack obama? he’s said his name twice now
…I almost forgot how it felt to have a real president give a speech and not fukk up any word with more than 2 syllables!!!
Bill’s finding his groove. Stick a (rhetorical)cigar in that audience, Mr. President!
AngryBlakGuy: Yup, impressive.
hockeymom: Here it is.
michelle obama has a nice dress.
Hillary looks like shes getting a little misty, down there, maybe Bill will give her the old Air Force One tonight!!
Oh great, now I have to watch O’Reilly tomorrow to see what the body language expert says about the tongue roll/cheek thing means about McCain.
Gopherit v2.0: are you counting crows-shushing? Then I say 30 min
“The republicans are about to nominate a sadomasochi- er, war hero. He loves his Cunt…tree like we do”
I take it back - Bill is on now. Shiiieyyeet.
Uh oh, he finally got Michelle to smile. That blue dress she’s wearing will need a good cleaning tomorrow.
…WoW, now he is giving himself a Blow Job, I didnt know that was possible!
smellyal8r: Yup. He’s kicking ass. I hope they bump Kerry because of his overage. That would be awesome.
He is so getting laid tonight. By someone…
They can’t tell when to boo and when to cheer.
Fleetwood Mac fans.
he has confounded my expectations ty bill!
Thanks, but no thanks! — EXXXcellent.
…keep the sound bytes coming bubba!
dave666: What makes you think he’s not getting one now?
AngryBlakGuy: You obviously haven’t watched the movies on Larry Craig’s hard drive.
hey! Michelle’s doing her best impression of someone who likes Bill!
The unicorn is in his BVDs.
Thanks GAWD he brought up the obvious similarity of Barack in ‘08 and Bill in ‘92.
Am I crazy…did he just spend several minutes talking ABOUT McCain without saying his name?
Onya Bill. The experience line is a good ‘un.
Why isn’t he wearing an orange tie?
loudmouthredhead: CROWD-shushing
Clinton is the master. All hail Bill!
I’ve been off-line all day so I just joined this now. Bill seems to be doing a good job.
Jokes will resume shortly.
“I was too young and too inexperienced to be commander in chief. Sound familiar?”
Zap!
badco/LoJ: He has come to the hall to find a way to nominate himself for a third term. Hillary Hoo?
RooseveltFranklin: Oh, I think that Bill Clinton shops at International Male.
hockeymom:It’s my grandmother’s Christmas mantle decorations. Leslie Sanchez gives them a C-.
Nice, but he needs to wrap it up before Michelle grinds her teeth down to nubs.
Nice one…”they said I was too young and inexperienced to be commander in chief. Sound familiar?”
Redeemed yourself, Bill, finally redeemed yourself.
Please talk about how that other guy is really, really fucking old.
has he had surgery on his face? yes or no? everything but the eyes? yes i’m obsessed.
This feels like I’m having guilty sex with my asshole ex-boyfriend.
Obama’s “beautiful children” is euphemism for nappy headed
loquaciousmusic: …I don’t want any part of Larry Craigs hard drive!!! Ewwwww!
Damn he’s good.
Hurray for the “Place called Hope” ref. Well done, Bill. You can haz Secretary of Treasury or something.
Thank you and God bless you…now let’s get the fuck outta here.
…so when can we get his bust chiseled into Mt. Rushmore!
Michelle’s smile finally looked real instead of disgusted…
A place called Hope. Nice.
Repeal the 22nd Amendment!!
(not really)
How did we go from him to shrub?
Bill ROCKS!!!
After this speech, people are gonna leave thinking “Man, we elected the wrong first lady.”
AAGH, I was on a high and then the crapy cover band version of Beautiful Day just ruined it.
God Bless Yew, Bill. I’d vote for you a third or fourth time, fat interns and all…
will not join bill and hilz and Chelsea! eagocenterest!
Good job. I’m proud of him.
was that monica lewinsky?!
that’s it….the music is making me urp…gotta find someplace to spit it out.
…and now the World’s Worst Prom Band treats us to their cat-in-a-blender version of a U2 classic!
Go Big Dog! Way to end with “Hope.” I bet it hurt to say that.
Now I’m out of here before Kerry can kill me with his dull ray.
Who planted the Monica look-a-like? That was fantastic.
I don’t know whether it’s Biden or Kerry — but could we take a moment to feel sorry for the poor bastard who’s speaking next?
…damn, he kinda left the stage quickly!
With all that flag waving, it looks like this is the first Hillary’s ever really been proud of her country. She’s even dancing! I’m a little unnerved.
Addicted to Love, really?
everybody will leave to pee when Kerry speaks
When any of these speakers spend their obligatory minute talking about how wonderful a patriot McAncient is because he was stupid enough to get caught by the VC, you can just hear the delegates chewing their arms off to escape the bear trap.
I just wonder where A Town Called Malice is in relation to A Place Called Hope…
Are they playing ADDICTED TO LOVE? Not a good choice for Bill…
I’m watching this on PBS because I can’t wait for that moment when David Brooks realizes Hussein is a Negro
U2 fucking sucks.
“Addicted to Love?” What?!!!
AngryBlakGuy: He has to go spank his yank before he loses his applause boner.
why does billz hate barry sooooo much?!
and who slipped hillz a bourbon?
…oh look TURD blossom is on FAUX News!
echoman2000: No, but he does look better tonight than he has in awhile. Finally some rest out there at the house without the Mrs. yakking on the phone (or having it keep ringing at 3 a.m.)
Holy crap that was short…Bill, you tease.
“…on a carpet of human hair”
What are you guys smoking in that nosebleed section, and how can I get some of it?
Hot Marine wife needs to stop shouting.
RooseveltFranklin:
I know…that was very ironical.
RooseveltFranklin: That’s so evil… A Monica look-a-like
Fox is showing the main d-bags, Rove and Hannity, while the hot chick is speaking.
Another “proud American”? How vulgar.
(Another cup of Earl Grey, Jeeves.)
dave666: A bunch of confused old Jews in Palm Beach Florida and the Supreme Court.
badco/LoJ: “Addicted to Chubby Jewish Interns” would have been too on the nose.
dave666: Because of Al Gore’s “locked box.”
RooseveltFranklin: She was an audio-animatronic prop timed to pop up and scare him off stage quickly, before he started satisfying all the women in the crowd. Looks like it worked!
It’s that asshole Chevy Chase!
The “young” argument is racist.
Sorry, I missed it: did Billz endorse Bill Richardson, or was it Chris Dodds?
Ah, Kerry. You incompetent bitch. I can never forgive you for 2004.
Boy, it’s going to be really disappointing when McCain wins.
MSNBC is all about the celebrities…
I’ve seen Jessica Alba sitting with Jennifer Garner…spike lee…and now Chevy Chase wandering around.
Has Bill ever given this short of a speech?
blader: I’ve turned to PBS myself. Mark Shields is great.
Michelle likes hot Marine wife about 100x more than she likes Bill.
obfuscator: I was hoping for “Devil in a Semen-Spattered Blue Dress”.
Or “Have a Cigar.”
NOOOOOOOOOO I was hoping he’d get bumped.
John Kerry’s makeup looks caked on in high definition. Yeesh.
You are getting sleeeeepy…
this seems more like the MDA telethon, run em and run em out, check goes here….
Loved the standing “O”. He is another great orator, which as we all know, is not real sex.
Some poor girl is up there now talking about her marine hubby and cracking under the strain.
Oh, John Kerry’s up. Time for a pee.
Sweet Jeebus…who let Kerry up there? Bad candidate then, bad speaker now.
You’ve all seen Bob Roberts, right?
Who is this guy?
rocktonsammy: a win among wins!
Love the public horsewhipping of a loser candidate by sticking him right after Bill Clinton and before the night’s headliner. Delicious!
HairyIckey: He sounds like Al Green. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
“They said I was too young, too ineperienced, too full of fail. Well FUCK THEM!! I WAS THE BESTEST AND BLACKEST!! And now Barry will be second-bestest and maybe like third blackest, if h listens to enough hip-hop and learns sax.”
“90% of George Bush is more than we can take”??? Er….
MSNBC gave Kerry the shaft. Awesome.
Great speech. My favorite line: “The work is more impressed by the power of our example, than the example of our power”. Can this guy talk or what!
Michell stands up applauding for shutting down Gitmo and not torturing. What an elitist America hater.
Don’t forget, that fat sack of Crisco with a beard, Bill Richardson, is also up next. Shoot me.
Hey, Kerry name-checked Matt Welch’s book about McCain.
loquaciousmusic: Caked on like a trollop, you cunt?
Kerry is that kind of cunt, actually.
He seems a bit more human in this speech, though.
…ok, I take that back Dukakis is now taking apart “W” and Papa on FAUX news!!!
Haha, NPR chimes in almost every sentence reminding me that this is John Kerry. Whaaa? Who?
“Before he ever debates with Barack Obama, he should finish the debate with himself.”
Heh.
Oh, Kerry’s loving this — he’s waited four years to hammer a Republican for flip-flopping.
Ooh Kerry just plugged that Myth of a Maverick book. Someone should really buy that thing sometime and see what it says.
Goodness!! Kerry musta drank him a fifth o’ Bill before he went on!
badco/LoJ: Or that old jazz standard “The Inability To Control My Self-Destructive Tendencies Tarnished My Presidency, Oh Baby, Oh Baby”.
John McCain morphs according to Kerry. McCain is The Blob… or Mystique.
Just think if Al Gore had a fraction of the charisma of Clinton. We’d be electing his vice president this year.
Hey FOX watchers — how’s Rove taking that?
Kerry just scored on the Candiate vs. Sen. McCain shtick. Still, he doesn’t know how to take that deep 1-2-3- breath and let it sink in.
Kerry is completely drunk.
The 3-Legged Man: That’s actually really scary to think about. It’s like you’re talking about some beautiful Bizzaro land where everything makes sense.
He’s leading the people in call and response. Had he any charisma and anything resembling a voice, it migh work.
Ha, Kerry used “I was for it before I was a’gin it” on McCain. Good on you, Senator Longface (D-MA).
Me likey drunk Kerry. He should drink more.
obfuscator: “I Want to Know What ‘Is’ Is”?
Wow, Kerry’s pretty wound up and excited and really carving into the Republicans. About four years too late
The 3-Legged Man: You’ll get your Gore tomorrow night when he’s lowered into the stadium by crane to introduce BHO. Grab the No-Doze. Also, if he gives ol’ Barry the “Tipper Treatment” I’ll stop watching.
“how insulting…pathetic…desperate…” Holy crap!
SayItWithWookies: Jesus. Who knew Kerry had it in him?
OK, I also hate Bill about 50% less than I used to.
Nice moment with the uncle.
OMG Obama’s white uncle was responsible for Buchenwald! or something. I wasn’t really paying attention.
This Kerry guy is quite articulate. You should consider running him sometime.
God, wouldn’t it be great if Fox had Monica on for analysis? “How WOULD you rate this performance, compared to those you’ve seen in the past?”
Bill was great, but then he always is.
Worst band ever. They couldn’t get a gig at VFW Hall in backwoods W Va.
Oh no Kerry is talking about bushes, how Hopey’s grandma made bombs and freed McCranky from 5 1/2 years or something like that.
I like Uncle Charlie.
Kerry is actually doing a good job.
Is Michelle’s dress wired for DirecTV? She’s got little satellite dishes on it.
OMG, HIS UNCLE IS WHITE, LIMBAUGH JUST SPLASHED ON HIS 200 INCH TEE VEE WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING HIS WEE WEE
This speech, if given in October 2004, would have won him the election
jagorev: Excatly
loquaciousmusic: At least ten times. I mentioned it on wonkette yesterday. I love that movie.
Does anyone else think barry’s uncle looks like a 90 year old denny kucinich?
Wagamuffin: Right? That was a good line about the flag and he interrupts the applause to keep rambling on rather than milking the moment. Amateur.
If Kerry would’ve talked like he had some balls 4 years ago, we’d not be having so much fun tonite
And tonight’s Golden-Fencepost-with-a-Nail-Through-It goes to John Kerry — who, inexplicably, has been waiting four years to say that.
SayItWithWookies: …no, those dishes are part of a hope based missile defense shield!
jagorev: If he’d have screaming this after they started the Swiftboating, he would have won, no question. Americans elect the guy who wants it most.
Wow…Dems dodged a bullet by BHO not picking Bayh…
jagorev: I hate John Kerry for this. He fucked it up and we’re still suffering for it.
Hey, lady general, we don’t need another recap of Barry’s life. Tell us a little bit more about, you know, something that you might have expertise in… like military leadership or intelligence.
Bill was fantastic and never more saw when put up before the walking wounded who follow him. Sending out “civilians” is worse than water-boarding for the tee-vee viewer in my humble opinion (sorry 3*** General Kenedy). Oy vay.
“Distinguished cerval?!” Where?!
Sorry Adm. Hutson, but that is the Republican party I recognize.
Wow, did Kerry check if you can actually say things like that about the Administration?
Loved “Addicted to Love,” btw. Whoever picked that is legend.
Faith. Drink.
SayItWithWookies: Mreow?
Clinton and Carter - two of the greatest speakers ever. How come Obama doesn’t like Jimmy? Or is it the other way around? (View a video of Carter’s 1976 acceptance speech if you disagree about how great he was.)
This Chet Edwards feller don’t look nuthin’ like his sister Liz or brother-in-law John, and he’s waay more pale than the prez, Omar Ali-bama. I think he will make a very strong Veep. But why, if he is McExxon’s man, is he speaking before the Demopublicrats?
The 3-Legged Man: Carter is great. They’re afraid the Repubs will run against him again. It’s about old bitterz voters. Carter has still not gotten his due.
Oh geeez, someone get Chet offa there
“Rear” admiral….um…I think he’s at the wrong convetion LOLZ.
Sorry Chet. You look like an advertisement for Prozac.
Who knew Kerry could give a good, hard-hitting speech?
Of course, I’m watching on the radio, so the trollop makeup’s not ruining it for me.
John Kerry: I was for being the suckiest wuss in nominatorial history before I was against it. In retrospect, if I’d known then what I know, I would obviously have decided not to suck; with the information I had at the time, though, it seemed the correct decision.
CthuNHu: My boyfriend is just getting into politics and he never really appreciated how weird john kerry looks until tonight….i took pleasure in his horror at the long face.
jagorev: there’s a whole lot of “that’s what she said” in this thread, but the best is this exchange:
micapam: hockeymom: DoctorCulturae:
THE CELEBRITIES ARE HERE!!!!!!!!
WE ARE SAVED!
““Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States.” After Hillary got thru trashing him six weeks ago. Ready? Barry wasn’t before? Go back to making money by swallowing the WTO’s engorged corporate priapsis.
Bill, I love you so,
I always will
THAT. Is a freaking lapel pin, baby.
rocktonsammy: Tom Hanks can narrate a video on the war because he fought in a fake war. Next speaker: Black Robert Downey Jr.
Barack Obama will personally set homeless veterans on fire.
Kerry can haz cohones 2 late.
God, is EVERYONE a better speaker than Kerry? Tammy (the veteran) was much more compelling, and I bet she doesn’t speak for a living…
Nora has a voice that has not matured, and thus a potential future bitter. Don’t go there Nora!
Hi, I’m Nancy Pelosi and these are my puppies.
Nancy, your approval rating would shoot up by 50% if you stopped that little snicker. It’s worse than McCain’s death grin.
Jesus christ—now we have the murdered sister’s sister on…death and taxes. Fuck, this convention is a downer. Now the sister is doing the ya-ya. Joe Biden is now nominated.
This is so icky…now Nancy Pelosi, looking like she was caught in a wind tunnel. Oh, this is so corny.
What’s the over/under on the Biden speech? Do I have time to get to the liquor store, get drunk, power nap, fantasize about a Michelle/Jill/Monica threesome……where was I…..drifted off to a wonderful place….
Excuse me, but I just want to point out that no-one has yet stood up and promoted the goat fuckers in AMerica. Who is the standard bearer for goat fuckers in the country??? Who will stand up for all THEIR bleeting??? Please, someone tell me!
If Beau Biden married Evan Bayh’s daughter Biddie their names would be Beau & Biddie Bayh Biden.
loudmouthredhead: She ran for congress in a Chicago tight assed suburb in 06 and lost, just barely
loudmouthredhead: oh forgot, she had both her legs blown off under the knees
dave666: How did we go from him (Clinton) to Shrub?
1. Al Gore’s cowardice. “I stand here as my own man.” - In other words, send Bill Clinton to the second-tier fund-raisers; don’t let him stand in front of a Gore-Lieberman banner (and thanks for giving us that Bush-kisser, Al); and pretend, like some of the posters on this blog, that a man’s sex life, however silly or sad, matters more than his stands on public policy.
2. The inability of Americans to remember anything more than 5 minutes old, like how badly most of us were screwed over under Reagan and Bush I.
3. Our wonderful MSM and its corporate masters, of which Maureen Dowd of the NYT is the decayed, corrupt exemplar. Maureen Dowd, who spent the entire election of 2000 telling us what a big liar Al Gore was. (”Al Gore says he invented the Internet! Al Gore says he was the inspiration for Love Story!) Which brings me to the biggest reason we’re where we are today …
4. Us. Who let this happen? We did, because we preferred to buy into the lies the MSM and the Republican attack machine have fed us for the last 25 years rather than take the time to think for ourselves. We drool over every salacious detail of a man’s sex life, because that’s more fun than being an informed citizen. We let the Judas goats in the media distract us with soap opera so we don’t notice how our country is being stolen right out from under us. And when we lose our country and our rights because we’re too lazy to be bothered with the hard work of citizenship, we pat ourselves on the back for how clever and snarky and cynical we are as we post to Wonkette and all the other so-called “progressive” blogs on the Internet.
Wonkette’s registration confirmation to me says, “Please keep your comments relevant to the post and try not to be terribly offensive. You may be banned at any time, for any offense — but if you’re smart and funny, you’ll be fine.”
Really? Most of what I’ve read here isn’t terribly smart or very funny; it’s vulgar, second-rate bathroom humor interspersed with sophomoric reasoning and a level of political awareness slightly above whale dung. If Wonkette were serious about “smart and funny,” most of the posters here would have been banned long ago. But I suppose allowing this type of discourse keeps the site hits up.
The 3-Legged Man: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Excuse me my good sir, but I do believe you have both a monocle and a ponce-nez lodged in your gentlemanly rectum. Perhaps also a top-hat. Definitely a walking stick. Good day!
ninjalibrarian: Noone liked my pithy screed comparing Greek mythology to the DNC either, Ninja. However, I do know that these folks are very, very smart. They know their stuff, arcana though much of it may seem to be to you.
It is actually very nuanced, in that snarky, post-modern patois that politically interested people possess—do you think that Our Great Leaders don’t talk shit once the cameras are turned off? Gossip, innuendo and bad-mouthing is the coin of the realm, my friend. It is the engine of enlightment, because a lot of the “official” stuff that is put out before us is actually shite on a plate. It is a way to challenge the powers that be by calling “bullshit!”. Life is a campaign, my friend, and you have to be in on the game to play (thanks, Chris Matthews!).
That Wonkettians choose to cloak their comments in “vulgar, second-rate bathroom humour interspersed with sophomoric reasoning” is actually the point, Ninja. Others might call this “cut the bullshit” chatter. I call it “stress release”, “exuberance” and even, God help me, “hi-jinks” because the posters here understand the irony of life, including political life, and therefore can ironically refer to someone’s sex life “as if” it were the most important thing. Though with some of these clowns it may well be the most interesting thing they offer.
The fact that people come to this site shows that they are very interested in the issues and in the process. In this political season, where Americans “j’accuse” Americans with impunity, I dare to say that the members of this site are some of the most well-informed people in your lovely country. I am pretty sure that several of them work in and on behalf of government so that may account for the cynicism.
The sad fact of the matter is, Ninja, that most people would love to have a “Big Daddy” or “Big Mama” tell then what to think and how to think. This is most certainly NOT the problem with posters on this site.
You are most welcome to post your diatribes, saying how feeble-minded and stoopid everyone else is here. Just make sure you have your big boy panties on if people care to take a return whack…
ninjalibrarian: [i]You[/i] are terribly smart and funny. Please stay. Who is Al Gore?
ninjalibrarian: i don’t know the issues well enough to italicize. plz help.=)lol!
ninjalibrarian:
You’re darn right this is serious bidness. A buck Negro may very well be our next president!
And I wouldn’t be so harsh on the MSM. We need them to do the tire kicking for us, so to speak. You know, to check his teeth and gumlines, peer down into his genitals to make sure he’s got the equipment, stuff like that.
This is serious bidness. Bill Clinton is the best liar and best President since liars and Presidents were invented. Thomas Edison’s bulb has nothing how Bill Clinton’s pretend speech to love Obama.
ninjalibrarian: I’d think you’d be surprised how many people would agree with you. Waggamuffin pretty much said it best.
Yes, this is a snark site, and from what I’ve seen since it was awkward Gawker’s umbrella, it never pretended to be anything else. It might be a bit much to call it a blog version of The Daily Show/Colbert Report.
I started coming here because I was getting burned out by the more serious sites; I mostly went to Bartcop.com (who used to think Wonkette was a right-wing site), and Crooks and Liars. One of the things that I’ve learned that you’re going to have phalanges in every blog comment section, regardless if it’s a well-rounded conversation about the issues, or “sophomoric” comments.
I will argree that some of the comments can be obnoxious sometimes, but take a look at the comments sections of most Hollywood gossip sites. I bet money they can spend half their day on the computer waxing about how much Pam Anderson looks like a used up tranny hooker, but couldn’t tell you the names of the Senators for their states. Example, one gossip site had a post about Joe Biden, as well as picture of his son. The blogger said he doesn’t follow all “that political shit, but his son is semi-hot! I’d hit it!”, to paraphrase.
That’s where a rant like yours should be directed. It upsets me when I see stuff like in a blog instead of opinion pages in the MSM papers, becasue that’s where people need to see it, else the Horeen Dowds of the world will still have a job.
ninjalibrarian: Well said.
God love that man. MP3 highlights are here: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2606/Bill-Clinton-2008-DNC-Address
You don’t think a stadium full of people can chant in unison? Have you never heard a crowd yell “bullshit” together after a bad call?
Wagamuffin: Word.
ninjalibrarian: tl;dr
Have fun in ban-land.