Wonkette
This convention has been an unmitigated disaster. It is now about to get worse. They are holding the fake nomination roll call and floor vote to “determine” the presidential nominee, until Hillary Clinton fake calls it off, or something. It’s the Hilltards’ last shot at glory! Here goes.
5:50 — Alabama casts a lot of votes for Obama, and five votes for Hillary. Still within reach!
5:51 — Alaska mentions the “18 cracks in the ceiling for Hillary.” Sexists. Ha ha you can barely even see this woman, from Alaska. 63-8 for Hussein.
5:51 — American Samoa casts their -3 votes for “a gunshot in the face.”
5:53 — Hey, small question: why in fuck’s name is Kitty Harris running this roll call. Know?
5:54 — Ooh, Arizona, the land of “blue sky” as they say, goes like 40-27 for Obama. Hillary is winning, according to the New Math!
5:55 — Arkansas gives Hillary no votes for anything. What a “fuck you” to the first Arkansan in world history.
5:56 — California “passes.” Oh Jesus. Obviously “Hollywood” doesn’t want to admit its hatred of black people. Everyone boos! THIS IS THE WORST CONVENTION SINCE HITLER.
5:57 — Ha ha, Connecticut lady is on the verge of death and says “we are proud… of… Christopher Dodd.” Four people in the entire world offer a golf clap at his mention.
5:59 — Delaware offers its votes to Beezlebub, AND HE’S NOT EVEN ON THE BALLOT.
6:00 — The “Dems Abroad” delegation votes for elitism and wine and like gay sex and France.
6:01 — Goddamnit, they’re going through the whole thing aren’t they.
6:01 — Chris Matthews says, “this is a hint of what these things looked like when they were real.” Absolutely nothing about this fraudulent process resembles reality.
6:03 — Kitty Harris asks her home state of Florida where Tom Brokaw is keeping the mescaline. Florida responds, “50 votes for Hillary.”
6:05 — Andrea Mitchell says Hillary will swoop in on a “Unity” vine and starting throwing Unity Nickels to the crowd. Unity Nickels weigh five times as much as real nickels and will therefore kill everyone in the head.
6:07 — This process tastes like tumor.
6:09 — Aww, Hawaii gives a single vote for Hillary. And now we will open a beer and return for wacky New York.
6:10 — Illinois passes. They do not like that carpetbagger Osamabama.
6:11 — MSNBC notes that Tim Russert died the night Indiana voted. Will they bring Luke Russert out to ask for his dad’s opinion about this coincidence?
6:13 — “Kitty Harris” has had even more plastic surgery than Kitty Harris.
6:17 — Some crazy Louisiana lady is making nutty eyes and shouting about shrimp.
6:17 — Kitty Harris asks Louisiana to restate their vote count and to use a number tally this time instead of shrill psychobabble about prawn.
6:19 — This Unibomber from Maine guy just hilariously started a sentence and ended it with, “WHATEVER.” He had no idea how to finish that sentence.
6:21 — Oh look, it’s Maryland Gov. Tommy Carcetti Martin O’Malley, just cold servin’ up some delegate tallies and eatin’ crabs.
6:22 — Massachusetts lady says, “We are the birthplace of education.” And that’s why no one likes liberal Massachusetts.
6:24 — It’s Walter Mondale from Minnesota, your next black vice president!
6:25 — Sen. Amy Klobuchar is a 13-year-old W.O.W. chat room troll boy.
6:27 — Ack shit, we have to go get seats for Clinton now, and we’re probably already too late. Enjoy Hillary doing her whatever!
7:01 — She did it, yayyy! Transcendence for all, etc.
…wake me up when Barry declared the son of god.
…did that guy use Hillary’s pantsuit from last night as a turban?!
California…..BURNED
I hope the PUMA charge on the podium (and the resultant automatic weapons fire) holds off until I can get in front of a teevee.
Boxer? I’d bone her.
Nancy Pelosi is botoxed to hell.
This is so boring.
California FAILS?
I am not sure what just happened with Cali. Can a state just pass? I mean in Florida I knew my vote did not count. But if I was from CA I might be a little ticked…
Go dems abroad!!!
I was going to try to leave a comment snidely asking why our oh-so-glorious editors weren’t liveblogging this HORRIBLY BORING roll call vote thing.
Then I realised that without a liveblog, there would be nowhere to comment.
Then I realised you were actually doing it.
HA HA HA HA LOSERS!!!
Time to get my wine.
The emcee looks like the Beast from that old TV show with Linda Hamilton.
Figures the fake americans would try to complicate everything by using half votes. They probably wanted it measured in metric too.
The dems abroad did see very cool. It must really suck to fly from Paris to Denver for some stupid Muslim convention.
Florida votes for Gulliani!
the last time this was real, hunter s thompson was drinking wild turkey backstage and beating up nixon youth.
Jesus Christ! I thought they are going to wave this after a few votes! Fucking Hilltards.
oooh, ANdera Mitchell? somehing’s hapeneing! a puma on the roof! No?
damn, just some washed up loser ‘Hillary Clinton’
Chris Matthews says, “this is a hint of what these things looked like when they were real.”
(insert chatty hand gesture here)
State of grace proudly casts all 42 votes for Rachel Maddow.
Illinois is going to mess this up.
Haha, Guam can’t talk.
why would illinois pass?
Idaho, the state that most resembles a middle finger, goes 20-3 for Obama. Suck it, PUMAs!
Idaho was some poetry.
Daley with the SMACKDOWN!
Wrongavore: I’m not sure, California passed, too. Maybe they want the NY delegation’s vote to push Obama over the 2210 needed, and that would allow Hillary to declare the acclimation thing?
Wrongavore: They’re hoping to get an easier question.
…I can’t wait to hear from W.Virginia!
When’s Biden speaking? Clinton’s at 8:00 Eastern, and I assume Biden’s afterwards?
…did he just give a shout out for “Equestrian Games”?!
I cast all my votes for the hot delegate in the background from KY!
Kansas…you have 41 votes…how do you pass them?
Ex-Lax.
And here come Americans in Kenya, birthplace of Obama’s tribal Grandma, her 10 goats, sack of meal and a pride of cheetahs. Pride of cheetahs, who do you wish to eat on this floor?
TJBeck: hey nice observation. but why wouldnt they just let it happen and get it over with?
WTF, California? What has happened to you since I left?
…geez, Maine’s delegates look like the escaped from a geriatric home!
The state of chupacabras casts a ice cold shocker into the loins of Kitty Harris.
hurry the fuck up, maine
maine is so…whatever. npr granola beard dude.
Maine. go back to Newfoundland.
Is Maine high?
we don’t have time for 55 15 seconds of fame
Who is leading the roll call? She needs to lower the dosage on her meds. or her botox. probably both.
better applause for nancy pelosi than harriet tubman?
If the “Get on with it!” clip from Monty Python’s Holy Grail was ever in need, it was now…
…honestly, what the fukk am I doing in Miami right now?! There is so much azz in Denver right now, its rediculous!!!
“6:10 — Illinois passes. They do not like that carpetbagger Osamabama.”
There is no way this is true. Chicago is *obsessed* with Obama. The local TV news basically gives him a bj every night at 10pm.
Dammit all to hell. Where’s the bloodbath I was promised? Can’t you Democrats do anything right?
Wrongavore: Well, I think it’s going to be a math thing. They want as many states as possible to cast votes in the roll call, andonce it gets to, say 2205 for Obama, they will get to New York. Hillary will announce “[x] votes for Obama and [y] votes for me” which will put Obama over 2210. Then she’ll finally say “I lost, you sexist bastards” and ask that Barack be nominated by acclamation.
My state! once upon a time…dear MD. That state around which other states gather in times of adversity…they look like crabbers alright.
of course, for that to work, NY will pass too so they go later? Oh, nevermind, CA just can’t get its shit together. Fucking liberals.
Well, every damn state is the birthplace of someone. And also, can all the states be “great”? Probs not.
What about your CHOWDA Assachusetts?
I’m learning so much. I thought Hillary would run out and punch fake kitty harris in the face nad yell “enough!” or something.
This should have been moderated by all 5 of Mitt Romney’s sons.
Wow. Everyone keeps saying ‘Blah blah blank votes for (*yawn* Who is that? Oh right…) Hillary Clinton, blah blank votes for THE NEXT PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!!’
Just keep twisting that knife, you bastards…
Did Mississippi say “Obombher?”
Go, Duluth Women’s Hockey Team! Yah!
MISSOURAH
Hmpf. 57 states, and nothing’s on….
NoWireHangers: every state is great like every american child is “gifted”
lets face it, our campaign buses should be shorter.
Yes we can?
you cant blog from the floor? bogus
…do we really need to know the entire FUKKIN life story of every Democratic co-chair in the country?!
no one cares about your fucking state and it’s crappy fucking historic fucks.
fuck.
Shut up Montana…no one cares about you.
screw you, wonkette. Some of us aren’t done watching season 4 of The Wire!
I think I was just introduced to every single person who lives in Montana.
colin256: At the risk of wearing my serious hat:
I would guess that Illinois is going to pass until their votes will put Barry over the limit. Then they will vote out-of-order to make him the official nominee. Home state privilege.
NoWireHangers: “From the unremarkable state of South Dakota, far enough north to be forgotten, not flat, not hilly, not square, but not shaped interestingly, a state that shares borders with no interesting states or other countries, home to no major prominent geographical features, where nobody of import has been born that we can recall off the top of our head, we cast however many votes it is we have for whoever is running. We weren’t really paying attention, and totally forgot about the primary. We’ll try to have one next year. Sorry.” (read from a letter by a member of the MN delegation)
I just saw on Huffpo (I know, I know) that Arkansas did not mean to cast all their votes for Hopey. The report states they ment to give Hillz 8 votes. Whatevs. Not going to change anything, but funny they fucked it up. Thats what happens when you marry your sibling.
How did Missouri vote? My feed cut out when they were saying.
Montana, you’re on the list.
Fuck you Montana for eating so much fucking time up for 25 shitty votes.
…is her face permanently stuck like that?!
Gosh, I’m really bummed I’m stuck at work and I can’t watch this riveting display of democracy in act…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
MSNBC shows the .5 from Dems Abroad - CNN just rounds both totals down.
el_chupacabra: Totally. Or your stupid fucking football teams and Equestrian tournaments.
Fuck.
Nevada and the secretary are going to have a Botox-off
sweetits: Hey! My wife and I don’t think that’s funny. Right, Sis?
LittlePig:
Yes. That serious hat looks good on you.
Though I wouldn’t be totally surprised if HRC/New York delegation put Obama over the top. Maybe that is what unity looks like.
when you’re name checking harry reid you know your state kinda sucks
Godot: …2256 votes for Hillz and (-)1180 votes for Obama. We’re fuct!!!
I can’t wait for “We’re from Virginia, home of not wasting anyone’s time. We cast all our votes for Hopey.”
And the great state of Fuck-Hole, home of the great Fuck-Tard, back when only McFuck was alive…Fuck-Hole, home of the Free-Lube-On-Saturdays, casts its who-da-fuck-cares for some guy.
uh.. Did i miss MLK dreaming about fat white men in New Hampshire?
gross.
Daaaaaaaaayum, New Hampshire.
wow NH really wants to be 1st…
“Kitty Harris” is from New Jersey. Corzine name-checks Jon Bon. Hurry the F up.
sweetits: Over/under on how long it takes the PUMAs start harassing the MC for being part of the “conspiracy”?
SkimLatteModerate: 30 seconds
Let’s go Kucinich! You can still pull it off, you midget!
Oh, did you catch the MC snorting a little line off her knuckle?
…the New Jersey delegation didn’t mention anything about their streets smelling of piss or being the sweaty arm pit of America?! Curious?
The guy from New Mexico does not know how to look at the camera. And the guy behind him may or may not be George Takei.
ok here it comes? almost?
…YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
was that moderator chick wiping the coke off her nose?
I’m choking up a little. I never felt so much pride for all these states I slept through on car trips as a kid.
Wrongavore: …and he talk *just like* a wrestling announcer!
Neat!
TJBeck: Props for calling it.
…uh-oh, here comes Hillz! Is that a lead pipe in her hand?
SkimLatteModerate: yes. props all around!
oh. here comes glenn close.
Is this when the epic bloodbath starts?
Where is spitzer?
God, I’m glad I can’t see any of this….
david patterson…so much better than spitzer. better and cooler.
Yikes!
Did you guys just see some yahoo wave a red/orange “OBAMA BIN LADEN” sign in front of the camera on MSNBC while Daley was talking? It blocked out the screen for like 0.1 seconds. Intense.
SkimLatteModerate: They are printing up shirts right now.
Fuck. If we don’t get to hear W. Va’s vote, I’ll be pissed.
UnreliableNarrator: holy shyte.
Why can’t i see this inane bullshit. Why do i waste my time at work, when Barry is sure to murder all rich people and give me welfare in a few short months.
Who’s Idaho?
How many Unity Nickels are there in a Schrute Buck?
Wrongavore: And less of adulterer.
Oh, noes!
Hillz!
GAWD will hilz give away her delegates?
Wyoming is gonna be so bummed!
Oh no!
Hillz is fucking up the entire boring ceremony!
Ah shucks Hilary, I think I love you! (pops another E tab)
I never thought it would be so good to see Nancy Pelosi.
This whole things kinda creepy. Like church.
thats politics!
Why is it that when Hussein is nominated, they start playing disco?
I’m just askin’…
Good job, Hillz. Let us pray the MSM and PUMAS will now STFU.
Well, call me naive, but I didn’t see that coming. everybody dance!!
Unicorn CORONATION!
Donna Brazille getting her face powdered on CNN for like 6 seconds. <3<3
Love Train. Wow. Hahahahahahahaha.
Wait, I missed the part where the PUMAs take over?
WHOA! I think I just saw Claire Huxtable! Is Phylicia Rashad there?
And now: WE DANCE
JOHN EDWARDS WUZ ROBBED!!!!!!
I find it weird that they would have a role call vote without the nominee there to accept. Who accepted for Barry by proxy? Is it like a Muslim cousin wedding by proxy thing?
According to my CNN text, Hillary just passed a motion on the convention floor. So make sure you watch where you step, Wonketteers!
They have joined hands and are dancing and singing and smiling! HOLY FUCK! WE WILL WIN!
Let’s see how they spin this…
This is the cutest! God, if they did this at the GOP I’d wet myself in terror.
NoWireHangers: A random sampling of comments on hillaryclintonforum.net:
“I don’t care who hates me for this, but she cheated me! I wonder how much she was for sale?”
“A total disgrace. No roll call vote would have been better than this abysmal display of corruption and fraud.”
“Someone help me…I’m crying my eyes out…”
“Welcome to the United States of Cuba.”
“Obama Will Lose!! We will help him lose!”
“What fooking Love Train? I’m voting for Mc Cain!!!!”
“I feel VIOLATED!!!”
“As I see them crying tears of joy, all I can think is that they’ll be crying tears of defeat in November! I can’t wait to vote McCain.”
“Historical as the day DEMOCRACY DIED in America!”
Woo hoo! Let the healing begin!
NoWireHangers: You mean a Unicoronation?
Sharif DelMonte: He accepts tomorrow. That’s what his speech at his ancient Greek temple constructed of solid gold and the bones of hard-working Americans, white Americans, will be about. Well, that and his ascension as our new God.
itgetter: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!! I could sustain myself on their sweet, sweet tears!
…WoW, can we please stop looking like CULT MEMBERS on national television!?!?!?!
itgetter: It’s not about race, it’s about spite.
itgetter: If they want to vote for WALNUTS! that’s fine and their right, but what I HATE is that they do it and say it’s for Hillary, NOT because they are crazy/racist/idiotic/Republican. At least own what you are, don’t scream “sexism” then vote for WALNUTS! who does NOT support Equal Pay/Equal Work.
Gopherit v2.0: That just rolls off your tongue!
NoWireHangers: Why do you hate women?
This just in on my iGoogle!:
“Hillary Clinton formally nominated to be the Democratic . . .”
Someone over at CNN International is just too funny for his or her own good, by golly.
itgetter: Classic.
itgetter: that is amazing. I wonder what hillaryis44 looks like?
NoWireHangers: Hey now, WALNUTS! supports Equal Pay for Equal Work! He’s said he just thinks women need better education and training opportunities so they can become just as qualified as men!
Presumably, so they can be trained to stop having tits and vaginas, and have penises and receding hairlines instead.
JadedDIssonance: All I know is that the headline at the top of the page is (no joke) “Suicide Watch”
I’m too afraid to scroll down.
How can the DNC ingeniously make tomorrow all about Hillary too?
JadedDIssonance: Bahaha everyone go look! Now they’re going to blame Obama for that crying AA woman’s (apparently likely) suicide.
Godot: But you forget that my dating pool would thereby double.
With energy/unity like this, I can’t wait until after Barry’s speech when the Dems rise up and burn WALNUTS! in effegy, link hands, and sing Kumbaya!
itgetter: Link plz.
We have come so far. Urp!
Gopherit v2.0: http://hillaryis44.net/
And the crazy comments from Hillary Clinton forum can be found here if you’d like to peruse some more.
Based on this live blog, I’m not even sure you watched it on TV.
…which is, btw, how I prefer to handle politics myself these days, so more power to ya.
Hey, Wonkette is being used as a positive link on the Hilltard site.
We are all Hilltards now.
Now I’m reasonably new to these great united states and I’m having trouble understanding whether this is normal, this insane hatred from the (alleged) members of one party towards the democractically elected candidate of the SAME party? I mean, seriously, is this unprecedented or are there always nutjobs loyal to their candidate for months after the primaries? It’s really doing my head in. If the pure hate and vitriol on those Hillary forums was in play against the republicans in 2000 or 2004, surely we’d all be dressed as donkeys and enjoying gay marriage right now…or whatever happens when a democrat is in the whitehouse, I forget.
Gopherit v2.0: Hahahaha! How did I miss that?!
Gopherit v2.0: Oh Jesus, we’ve been Wonk’d!! Flee!!!!
Gopherit v2.0: Obvs. they didn’t read our comments regarding the story. Makes me want to go back to that post and filling the page with FUCK YOU HILLTARDZ.
John Lewis is awesome but it gives these Morans on on the MSNBC roundtable time to wax poetic and pander for cheap cheers from the fringers and convo shut outs just hoping to get on the teevee.
How long is it going to be until I’m back to (gulp) Jim Lehrer??
Wow, Clyburn is really tearing them a new one. This is what I’ve been waiting for for three days.
what a train wreck. it takes a rain forest to make all those friggin signs. only flags get to be on sticks. death by flag? maybe they’re collapsible plastic flag sticks that turn into chop sticks or something eco, like barbie doll legs or something.
*snore*
sweetits: I thought about that, too, but these PUMAs hold grudges. They kinda scare me.
Sorry, that’s John Lewis, not James Clyburn. And now it’s proven that I’m a racist.
Whiskeybaby: it’s a rotten consequence of (a) not having a parliamentary system, (b) being incapable of distinguishing presidential elections from homecoming, and (c) being a nation of fucktards.
Whiskeybaby: It’s the internet’s fault. I’m sure these types existed before but there was no actual reason to acknowledge their existence until they mastered teh blogs/forums/other vehicles of “user generated idiocy.”
Whiskeybaby: nothings normal about the PUMA/BITTERS. it’s like the woman who have the same hairstyle they had in high school. i call it “stuck in a decade”. if obama looses, i blame the clintons. well that and the fucking retards who still think stevie nicks is spining, like a gypsy in their fucking heads somewhere.
itgetter: let’s face it the Hillary-tards don’t care about the issues, like reproductive rights, because they had their ovaries ripped out years ago.
Pantsuits may ass: Sisterhood of the Raddled Old Trouts.
Gopherit v2.0: No joke… They are focused on some documents that are being Fed Exed from Kenya that prove Barry’s stepfather adpoted him thus making him a citizen in Indonesia. I still can’t follow the logic on that one. Anyway they believe that Barry “forgot” we was not a citizen thus making Hill prez. They have good crack.
In addition, I am thinking that we should sent up a bank account and ask them to donate money to send us over to Kenya to find these fucking adoption papers. We could agree to hand deliever them to the judge. While on our trip we could claim that BHO’s clan kidnapped me (with the evidence) and are demanding eleventy billion dollars. Better retirement plan that Social Security.
chaseychasem: Thanks for clearing that up!!
I think it’s the retardedly misplaced rage of the Hilltards that really gets me. I’m all for rage, but why not direct it towards the party who’ve been assfucking the country royally for the last eight years instead of towards some guy whose only crime so far is the having of a penis?
Yay! Hillary. By the time you ended this charade you had entered the pantheon of feminist heroines such as Joan Rivers. Stew in hell in there, bitches. Let us know if it feels affirmative.
to anyone who wants to die, like right this very instant, ted nugent is on glenn beck. don’t say i didn’t warn you. if i wasn’t a piece architecture i wouldn’t remain standing.
Holy shit! I’m sending Hillz $ 25. Girl did the right thing. Adios, amiga.
it’s because it’s a black penis. don’t you get it? it’s that whole MANDANGO thingy. get’s them where lynn chenney lives.
It’s Jay “they can hear you now” Rockefeller.
Is Jay Rockafeller retarded? Or just not used to reading from a telepromter? Or just from West Virginia? Maybe the last question is the same as the first.
How many votes has Papoon gotten so far? I’ve lost count.
bitchincamaro: great…that will go toward like one sleeve or maybe a button of ANOTHER FUCKING PANTSUIT.
Wait…I just tuned in…Obama got it after all? So, since Hillary came in second, she’s VP, right? That orange pantsuit put her over the top, right? No? So, wtf? Joe Biden? Who?
I’m getting a bad feeling about fall already. Next week, the WALNUTS backers are going to roast this event in Denver. If you think Pat Buchanan is bad on MSNBC right now, multiply it times a hunnert next week. I wonder if Barry is really ready. Is this buyer’s remorse already?
That should read “teleprompter.” Maybe I’m the retarded one who can’t spell!
echoman2000: I’m hoping she buys Bill a box of Krispy Kremes, actually.
I’m watching on CNN online - am I missing Bill? All I see are The Gays singing. Can I call The Lesbians The Gays? Is that wrong?
Jimmy Carter is black!
Hush now, some lesbian is a singin’ about ‘merica. Course, she also helped sired a child fathered by David Crosby…
TJBeck: The Florida delgation ran out of Aricept on Tuesday. Now they’re rebelling because they missed Meals on Wheels.
lesbian cancer free folk singer playing dylan. now john lennon. now we’re getting somewhere.
echoman2000: “Hedley, have you taken leave of your senses? Don’t you know that man’s a ni–. Oh, I’m sorry, wrong person. Excuse me.” “Hedley, have you taken leave of your senses. Don’t you know that man’s a ni–”
Thank you, thank you. Give it up for Blazing Saddles…
echoman2000: Still writing from Mexico? Or are you going to take a swig of American beer each time Biden says: “Ladies and Gentlemen…”
smellyal8r: I believe that you mean Bill Cosby. This convention is all about change. udding.
i’m comatose…harry reid. time for cookies and milk and a little disco nappy. let me know when meth heads rush the stage or they lower stevie wonder from the sky.
smellyal8r: i’m drinking my way south as we speak. in my mind i’m in panama. by the end of this shit i should be in patagonia.
Harry Reid just called back into his crypt.
Who exactly are these pumas? And in which magical rain forest do they reside? I can’t wait till McCain strip mines their territory, sticks a big phallic oil derrick on their Hillary Goddess statue, captures them and makes them clean the 4,000 bathrooms in his 476.3 homes.
Leave it to a damn blogger to ask about legalizing the marijuana.
Sgt. Jones can order me around any time she wants. Girl hot-t-t-t-t!
bitchincamaro:
*crawled*. More wine, waiter.
KUCINICH AND OREILY!!!! Billo’s head is going to explode in 5…4…3…2…1…
cnn en espanol’s latina anchors were wearing black last night. tonight they’re both wearing white. and the really hot one is accenting her ensemble with a pucca shell choker. thought this was important for you all to know. also, lots of air time to miami’s mayor. probably because he speaks the language of the brown people. and all the coke’s locked up.
they’re now talking with rick noriega, democratic something or other from texas, something about mexicans in texas. who knew?
itgetter: My fave goes like this:
Your Vote In The Primary = Nothing!
Nothing At All!
No Value Whatsoever!
Because, you know, whenever the person you voted for doesn’t win, it’s not democracy.
“Kitty Harris” is Alice Travis Germond, wife of perennial McLaughlin Group panelist Jack Germond:
http://www.democrats.org/a/party/germond.html
Remember when Chris Farley used to play Jack Germond on SNL in Dana Carvey’s McLaughlin Group parody? That was funny…