Wonkette
He’s in it, and he’s in it to win! Ted Stevens, the frightening and corrupt old man who has been a senator from Alaska since before Alaska was invented, managed to win the Republican primary even though he is currently under indictment for something dreadful involving home renovations. Stevens defeated six challengers, so now he has a chance to lose to the mayor of Anchorage in the general. [New York Times]
ALASKAN SURVIVALIST POLITICS
Ted Stevens Survives Primary
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12:37 PM
on Wed August 27 2008
By
Sara K. Smith
712 Views
What the fuck is wrong with Republicans?!
freakishlystrong: Everything.
Simple question, simple answer.
Vanity Smurf: They boggle my mind and infuriate me and act smug all the while, it’s astonishing ANYone would call themselves a Rebulican.
A Senator, in his 80s, and indictments don’t stop him. Why didn’t they put Ted up for president? He obviously fits the profile better than WALNUTZ!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Democracy just doesn’t work.
Yeah, yeah…the analogy is overused, but I have to say that when people ask how Hitler came to power they don’t need to reach far to find modern day examples.
They will re-elect him because despite his corrupt dealings, he brings Alaskans money. Who cares if it’s a pyramid scheme as long as you are in the pyramid?
Bush, Rove, Norquist, Cheney, every evangelical preacher with a mega church, et al have all appealed to the emotions of Americans to gain power and they threw them small economic and nationalistic bones to maintain said power. All the while enriching themselves and their friends. And the sad thing is that the house of cards is still being propped up enough to let McSame run a reasonable chance of winning.
The only way he would have lost is if he got his cock sucked while smoking crack. Oh wait, that didn’t seem to matter either.
Nevermind.
I’d chalk this win up to Senator Stevens’ effective use of the Internet, AS A SERIES OF TUBES (NOT A BIG TRUCK), for organizing and fund raising among his plethora of ignorant and/or corrupt supporters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cZC67wXUTs
Don Young is barely ahead in his primary, by 145 votes over Sean Parnell. They’re still missing about 2% of the precincts and have been all day, so I’m guessing those votes were eaten by the polar bears who have to have something or sustenance or they’ll become extinct.
ReelectTilden: But Communism is a party.
Helllllooooo, Democratic Alaska! Stevens loses to the Dem challenger by like 20%. Score one more Senate seat for the forces of light.
Ted Stevens is a Republican? I thought he was a member of the Whig party. (lame but had to do it)
It only cost Ted five hundred petro dollars for each of the other candidates.
The Democrat is gonna be expensive this year. Does he have what it takes?
freakishlystrong: Vanity Smurf: Remember, Republicans are the party of Jesus, so they will “forgive” and pray for Ted Stevens.
Hey, if Pablo Escobar could take care of business from jail, there should be nothing stopping Ted Stevens.
AxmxZ: Thank you!
I see this as a good thing. The Dem challenger can whop him over the head with the indictments every single day until November. The only ad he’ll need to run is a pic of ‘Ol Intertubes hisself and a voiceover that says, “Seriously?”
ReelectTilden: Here in Seattle we have two new stadiums that were built using taxpayer money despite the fact that both were voted down in separate ballot measures. So no, democracy is pointless. but shit…those stadiums are fucking nice and the Seahawks kick ass. The Mariners? not so much.
I’d be surprised if ol’ Stevens DIDN’T win… he’s certianly bribed enough people to ensure his rotten stinking violated corpse will continue to be elected by the fine Alaskan people for the next 20 years….
So if he get’s convicted two weeks before the election, then what happens? Some crab fisherman takes his place?
If we give Alaska back to Russia will they leave Georgia alone? Just wonderin’.
“Democratic Alaska?” So young, so naive…
Alaska wants to have their precious Permanent Fund and their federal pork from Uncle Ted. Unless his challenger is able to bring in just as much whorebucks as Ted (and that ain’t gonna happen), they’ll continue to vote for a guy who’ll can make a Baton Rouge politician blush.
Alaska is behind neocon economics 110 % (and not just because neocons phail godless math). I’ll bet money they’ll do their damndest to keep him in office even when he gets incarcerated. Kim Jong Il wishes he had Stevens’ cult of personality.
Alaska without Stevens is like Massachusetts without Kennedy.
I’m sort of glad Ted won, it’ll keep the story alive longer, like the Wide Stance story.
Plus I love seeing those pictures of Ted’s godawful house that is at the center of the story. The one where they jacked up the old house and build a new house underneath it, and then set the old house down on top of the new house. In what ugly universe could anyone think that could produce anything other than a monstrosity?
Can we sell Alaska back to the Russians?
Anchorage has a mayor? I thought they had a chief, or a medicine man, or something.
stevens won his primary outright against SIX OTHER PEOPLE with 62% of the vote in spite of the fact that he is under indictment! i’m betting that he’ll win the general election easily and then if he goes to jail the republiclown governor will pick another republiclown so nothing will be gained at all!
we should drill in the stupid state and irreversibly fuck up their environment just to spite them! grrrr!
Obama with 60 votes in the Senate sounds like change we can believe in.
The Alaska primaries are wierd anyway. There are 2 ballots: Republican and non-republican. The democratic ballot had every other political party represented while the republican ballot had only republicans. (I’m new enough to this state and it’s politics that I was sort of dumbfounded.)
Also, there were about as many people who voted for Stevens in the primary as there were people who had to vote on the non-republican ticket.
@whatever_dc I really hope you’re joking.
After seeing the photo above, it’s plain to see that Ted Stevens can’t lose… not with Barbara Bush pulling for him.
crankybureaucrat: Yeah, I’m with you on this one. It’s Alaska. What does it take, like 95 votes to win a primary?
Big Al1317: With Ted Stevens in it inextricably, it’d have to be an outright grant.
crankybureaucrat: about the environment thing? of course i’m kidding silly!
At least Stevens has a bridge to take him where he’s going.
whatever_dc: thought so. I spend enough time with people who wouldn’t be joking about stuff like that. I’m sort of numb.