worst idea ever

Obama’s Pagan Greek Temple Sets Stage For Most Presumptuous Hedonist Acceptance Speech Since Kennedy’s

Nailed it, jackass!Oh, this is perfect. After spending all week straining to convince voters that he is a humble, all-American God-fearing Christian regular Joe, Barack Obama will deliver his acceptance speech tomorrow night from a structure that ABC News says “resembles an ancient Greek temple.” Because nothing hits the trifecta of Hollywood, presumption, and alternate religion like a wine-soaked polytheist boy-fucking Vegas pleasure dome in the middle of a massive arena. [ABC News]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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86 comments

  1. Texan Bulldoggette

    Hmmm…so many questions: Will BO wear a toga? Will there be any virginal or goat sacrifices? What about orgies? Maybe he can call up Zeus to smite McCain (& Bill while he’s at it). Seriously, hope Hopey & gang know what they’re doing on this one.

  2. randomsausage

    Calm down kids. Hopey’s going all Vegas and rat-pack with this. He’ll meander on stage with smoke in one hand, scotch in the other, and get the crowd fired up with a quick rendition of Mr Beaujangles.

  3. medievalist

    Watch how they call Obama an elitist just because for his acceptance speech he recites Pericles’ funeral oration in flawless ancient Greek.

  4. AngryBlakGuy

    …will there be a gladiatorial exhibition before he take the stage? If so may suggest Lanny Davis vs. James Carville, no matter who loses I’m giving them the thumbs down!

  5. Mumble Softly

    Sara, why do you hate Obama and America’s last chance to put itself from the fetid sewer created by the military industrial complex and Drinky McDumbass ?

  6. Fear of a Black Reagan

    Boy-fucking? I tell you what though, if they’re gonna go all Tiberius’s villa in there, I call dibs on Joe Biden’s granddaughters!

  7. Hooray For Anything

    Stupid Democrats– don’t they know they need to give these kind of speeches underneath a huge, glimmering red white & blue cross that flashes the the two phrases “America, Fuck Yeah” and “I Love Little Baby Jesus” every fifteen seconds?

  8. Mr Blifil

    I hear Malcolm McDowell and Helen Mirren have been invited to recreate the fisting scenes from Caligula.

  9. EnBuenOra

    Clearly it should have been a recreation of that scene in Baghdad, except there are tons of, er, “little people” pulling down a very big statue of John McCain.

  10. DoctorCulturae

    Of course McClod will make his entrance in Minneapolis zooming in on a jet-pack wheelchair with I.V. attached.

    Hopey should do back handsprings down the length of the field, jump on a trampoline, dunk a basketball at 100 feet while spraying fire out of his mouth. Then he needs to pick up an effigy of Dubya swing it around his head like a lasso and hurl it over the Rocky Mountains.

    Seriously, my fantasy is Hopesman entering wearing an orange pants suit with matching orange dyed hair.

  11. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=71566]DoctorCulturae[/re]: If they accidentally build it to the wrong scale, a la Stonehenge, then bring on the “Spinal Tap!” Doesn’t that mean we get dancing leprechauns?

  12. edgydrifter

    As if those dipshits at ABC would know what a Greek temple looks like. It’s obvs going to be a Babylonian ziggurat, because HUSSEIN is a kretek-smoking Islamofascist.

  13. Wagamuffin

    Wouldn’t all forms of faux Greek architecture be more appropriate at the RNC? They can broadcast teh Great Leader’s speech from under a Promethium arch over that bathroom stall at the airport.

    Hmm. On further investigation, perhaps the whole Greek archetype thing is made for the DNC:

    The Rebel Titan

    Prometheus was a not a fool, but why else would he rebel against Zeus? He tried to trick Zeus (who knows all and sees all) with a false sacrifice. How foolish can you get? Prometheus also stole fire from Zeus and gave it to the primitive mortals on the earth. Zeus did not punish Prometheus alone, he punished the entire world for the effrontery of this rebel god.

    The Crimes of Prometheus

    Zeus had many plans for the reshaping of creation. After the fall of Kronos and his confinement in Tartaros, Zeus took no interest in the mortal race of men on the bountiful earth, he intended for them to live as primitives until they died off. Zeus said that knowledge and divine gifts would only bring misery to the mortals and he insisted that Prometheus not interfere with his plans.

    Dispite Zeus’ warning, Prometheus took pity on the primitive mortals and again, he deceived Zeus. Prometheus gave the mortals all sorts of gifts: brickwork, woodworking, telling the seasons by the stars, numbers, the alphabet (for remembering things), yoked oxen, carriages, saddles, ships and sails. He also gave other gifts: healing drugs, seercraft, signs in the sky, the mining of precious metals, animal sacrifice and all art.

    To compound his crime, Prometheus had stolen fire from Zeus and given it to the mortals in their dark caves. The gift of divine fire unleashed a flood of inventiveness, productivity and, most of all, respect for the immortal gods in the rapidly developing mortals. Within no time (by Immortal standards), culture, art, and literacy permeated the land around Mount Olympos (Olympus). When Zeus realized the deception that Prometheus had fostered, he was furious. He had Hephaistos (Hephaestus) shackle Prometheus to the side of a crag, high in the Caucasus mountains. There Prometheus would hang until the fury of Zeus subsided.

    Each day, Prometheus would be tormented by Zeus’ eagle as it tore at his immortal flesh and tried to devour his liver. Each night, as the frost bit it’s way into his sleep, the torn flesh would mend so the eagle could begin anew at the first touch of Eos (the Dawn).

    Zeus’ anger did not stop there. He intended to give the mortals one more gift and undo all the good Prometheus had done. He fashioned a hateful thing in the shape of a young girl and called her Pandora. Her name means, ‘giver of all’ or ‘all endowed’. Her body was made by Hephaistos, he gave her form and voice. Athene (Athena) gave her dexterity and inventiveness. Aphrodite (goddess of Love) put a spell of enchantment around her head and Hermes put pettiness in her tiny brain. She was ready for the world.

    Pandora

    Zeus gave Pandora to Ephemetheus (brother of Prometheus). Ephemetheus knew better than to trust Zeus and he had been warned by Prometheus never to accept gifts from the Olympians, especially Zeus. One look at Pandora and Ephemetheus was rendered helpless. He could not resist her, he accepted her willingly. When the gift was ‘opened’, evil and despair entered into this world. Mistrust and disease spread over the wide earth. After Pandora was emptied of her curse, only HOPE was left inside. Unreasonable, groundless HOPE that makes the curse of life into a blessing.

    And so, Prometheus was destined to suffer at the hands of his own kind. Gods punishing gods. To him, the saddest part of his punishment was the implication that the gods (Zeus in particular) had lost their right to rule because they had lost touch with their hearts.

    Stewart, Michael. "Prometheus", Greek Mythology: From the Iliad to the Fall of the Last Tyrant. http://messagenet.com/myths/bios/promethe.html (November 14, 2005)

  14. Hooray For Anything

    [re=71585]DoctorCulturae[/re]: You mean he should come out looking like Mr. Heat Miser? Plus, we all know McCain will enter his big speech bound in chains & shackles and led by a couple of scary looking Asian dudes pushing him onto the stage with caddle prods. Behind him, a curtain will come down that says “Five and a Half Years!”

  15. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Sara, Sara!! Sleeping all night in the subarctic zone surely did nothing to warm your heart to this assignment…such language! Young lady, wash out your mouth, we’re talking about St Barry, dragon slayer and vanquisher of the oil fields here, not some punkass South Side Chicago skinny kid.

    Actually, “ABC News” [Disney - remember the frolicksome Philly debate?] has it only part right, viz.:

    DENVER – Democratic presidential candidate Barry “White” Obama’s big speech on Thursday night will be delivered from an elaborate columned stage resembling an enormous temple dedicated to Democritus.

    Watch Charlie Gibson, Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos carry him out onto the field in an elaborate palanquin festooned with gold, ebony and ivory, and the bloody heads of John Edwards, Chris Dodds, Mike Gravel, Elf Lord Kucinich, Tom Vilsack and…oh, no Hillz or Billz.

    Some 800,000 spectators will cheer violently as Obama appears from between naked maidens of all creeds and ethnicities arrayed in front of cheap inner city plywood columns painted, appropriately enough, off-white. The Uppity will then stride, but surely stumble, fumble and fall in a faint, onto a raised trap door that can be raised or completely disappear, controlled by FOX News from beneath the floor.

    The show should provide a striking image for the billions of voters worldwide watching as Obama delivers a yet another speech. Fortunately Joe Bden will have spoken the night before, so viewers can expect to be in bed by midnight.

    As Obama begins to speak, CNN will release razor-sharp confetti that will rain down on him and his kind, and authentic Chinese PhotoShopped “fireworks” will appear on broadcasts around the world; Barry will scratch his head, wondering why teevee audiences are laughing so hard.

    Democratic convention organizers said the theme for the evening is “Change We Can’t Afford Not to Believe In Me” which has been a convenient message of Obama’s campaign of hate against America.

    Oscar-winning actress and singer Jennifer Hudson will sing the Jihadist anthem, “Sticky n’ Sweet” that night.

    http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/images/Europe/factfile/napoleonemperor.jpg

  16. capitol hillbilly

    [re=71566]DoctorCulturae[/re]: that’s right, key word is “minature” temple …

  17. capitol hillbilly

    Guard, do we have any cwucifixions today?

    GUARD #1:
    A hundred and thirty-nine, sir. Special celebration. Passover, sir.
    PILATE:
    Wight. Now we have a hundwed and forty. Nice wound number, eh, Biggus?

    BIGGUS DICKUS:
    Hm hm hm hm hm.
    CENTURION:
    Hail Caesar!
    PILATE:
    Hail.
    CENTURION:
    The crowd outside is getting a bit restless, sir. Permission to disperse them, please.
    PILATE:
    Disperse them? But I haven’t addwessed them yet.
    CENTURION:
    Ah, no. I know sir, but–
    PILATE:
    My addwess is one of the high points of the Passover. My fwiend, Biggus Dickus, has come all the way fwom Wome just to hear it.

  18. Beef Supreme

    The set is not even finished yet. It will look much cooler once they install the basketball hoop.

  19. scott_dog

    wtf? Some sort of “300″ recreation that ends with McCain getting his ear nicked by a boomerang thrown by hopey right before the stage is overrun by McCain’s immortals?

  20. Voyou Charmant

    The comments are fucking epic: “Triumph of the Will is a documentary VHS tape of Hitler at a Nuhrenburg rally with 80,000 standing German troops with martial music, stirring speeches, a walk thru the main aisle basking in adulation as he reurned to the podium and then giving his screaming speech damming the West, Communist Russia and the Jews. Our Dear Leader will damm our president, our military, our government to the cheers of so called Americans.”

    Between this, the SWAT standoff over Michell’s speech and John McCain I honestly now wish for the destruction of America.

  21. jagorev

    And is it that hard for ABC News, when they report on what something looks like, to include a picture of said thing?

  22. Voyou Charmant

    And John McCain’s effort to link Obama to the Antichrist* — is what I meant to say.

  23. AngryBlakGuy

    …is Barry is going to be wearing one of those leather underwear/cod-piece combos from 300!

  24. TGY

    Yeah, the Greeks aren’t known for much except wine-drinking, polytheism, boy-fucking, oh, and yeah…democracy, horrible people that they were.

    Please. A lot of D.C. architecture is neoclassical (aka ‘Greek-like’). He’ll be giving his speech from a faux White House. :p

    Me, I’m just waiting for somebody to invent the ‘Obama salute’ so’s I can raise my hand in whatever-the-hell-way and cry ‘Hail, Obama!’ That’ll get the crowds going.

  25. dippinkind

    omg, i’ve seen a photo on drudge and that is the most unamerican looking edifice i’ve seen since the Lincoln Memorial. also, i have a dream i’ve seen someone speak in such a setting before….

  26. Merry Christen

    [re=71626]capitol hillbilly[/re]: I for one welcome our new overlord, Biggus Barackus Dickus.

  27. SayItWithWookies

    Gasp — why doesn’t he use a set that’s less arrogant and presidential? Maybe the set from Eddie Murphy’s old “Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood” skits on SNL.

  28. HIROHITO99

    You know, from the pictures I’ve seen of some of the geeks in the crowd with all their wacky hats and buttons, I think the style of stage that he’s speaking from does little to embarass us more than we already have been.

  29. Manofsteel

    You know, I really hope Barack brings back thrones. They don’t get used nearly enough anymore. I’m talking enormous, golden thrones with backs that reach two stories high, set upon marble steps that perfectly catch his many silken robes.

  30. scott_dog

    [re=71655]TGY[/re]: [re=71664]dippinkind[/re]: The Democratic party is pretty much doomed if it has to rely on voters having a basic understanding of world and American history. Hell, the only reason Bill Clinton won was because he convinced ignorant rednecks that he was one of them (that, and because Ross Perot managed to siphon the votes of the less easily confused rednecks from H.W.).

    Basically, Barry will have to take a page out of Michelle’s book and demean himself into being nonthreatening and non-uppity. I would suggest behaving as follows: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACCW71GsipI

  31. dippinkind

    [re=71703]scott_dog[/re]: i’d just think that SOMEone at ABC news or one of the other outlets covering this would make the connection – he is making his acceptance speech on the 45th anniversary of the MLK speech after all.

  32. sarcasticusername

    if he’s going greek for this shindig i take he plans to talk about democracy or some such crap. hmm hopey, i’m not so sure about this; if i’ve learned anything over the last 8 years it’s that americans aren’t so big on that whole democracy thing, it’s too foreign…i thinks some god hating gays wearing togas came up with it.

  33. obfuscator

    Anyone reading the comments on the ABC page? Some actually refers to Barry as an “antichrist figure”. Niiiiice.

  34. wallythepug

    Has ABC News ever BEEN to DC? That whole town is a tribute to Greek Architecture. Douchbags, why do they hate America?

  35. Blow Up Speaker Doll

    Reminds me of some crappy set from that cheapo Saturday morning Sid and Marty Kroft show, Isis. Oh might Isis! I’m pretty sure Isis was featured in my first wet dream, come to think of it. No pun intended.

  36. jagorev

    [re=71560]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: [re=71561]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: [re=71723]pdiddycornchips[/re]: [re=71727]sarcasticusername[/re]: Togas were worn by Romans, not Greeks, you ignorant sluts.

  37. pdiddycornchips

    [re=71764]jagorev[/re]:

    “Togas were worn by Romans, not Greeks, you ignorant sluts.”

    Dude, picture Scarlett Johansen in toga, I’ll wait….

    Now, tell me what’s more important, the literal differences between two ancient civilizations or
    the chance to see Scarlett Johansen in a toga?

  38. liquiddaddy

    It does look a lot like the men’s room at Caesar’s Palace, or one of McCain’s many ranch homes.

  39. Anita Cocktail

    [re=71560]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The real question is what Sen. Obama will wear under the toga.
    Perhaps we can arrange for a few artful gusts of wind. God knows there’ll be plenty of windbags in the audience.

  40. Rebel Countess

    Where I come from, most public libraries and many banks resemble ancient Greek temples. Is Obama going a little bit too mainstream?

    Personally, I’m disappointed. I’d like something a little bit more “Lion King” as a backdrop, the endless grasslands of of Kenya merging with the endless grasslands of Kansas.

    Both evoked by a dozen or so women weaving back and forth behind the Candidate with trays of grass balanced on their heads while he sings his solo. Malia and Sasha could be leaping around the ladies’ legs like the junior lionesses they obviously are….

    It could work. Will somebody please give Barack Obama Garth Fagan’s phone number?

  41. hatlesshead

    What an effin’ disappointment the Dems are yet again. Blowbags, gasbags and pruning windbags. I don’t have enough barf bags left to view any more of this convention, and certainly not next week’s. Pass the Midol. I am bleeding and have the cramps.

  42. sanantonerose

    [re=71718]jagorev[/re]: With heads on pikes on either side! Let’s start with Dubya and Karl Rove.

  43. LYCEJ08

    well guys i just can t believe that Joe Biden has now been officially introduced as Barack Obama’s Vice Presidential selection, i was thinking that hillary would be his partner, i recently saw this video in pollclash and i think that Joe could be a good VP also..well you can see the video in http://pollclash.com

  44. LYCEJ08

    well i hope that it would not change his image then as he runs as the president and recently in the video that i saw in pollcalsh, it said that Joe Biden has now been officially introduced as Barack Obama’s Vice Presidential selection, well you can see the video in http://pollclash.com

  45. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’m just waiting for Obama to come out and announce “Father, the Sleeper has awoken!”

    Of course, McCain will reply: “This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life in the Democratic Party!”

  46. schvitzatura

    Columns. Ionic, Doric, or Corinthian? And will Biden be removed deus ex machina-style…to be replaced by “you-know-who”…

  47. schvitzatura

    [re=72140]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Even if House Mittkonnen is chosen to assume the Republican CHOAM vice-directorship seat, McCain still will not have enough Sardaukar legions, as they are all deployed to Dune already…

    Besides, Hopey Muad’Dib has the Weirding (Third) Way…

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