Wonkette
It’s Hillary’s Big Night, and everybody’s wondering what she’ll tell her aggrieved and anxious supporters who felt Disrespected by the Process. We are kind of hoping that Hillary will dispense with that in the first 20 seconds and then administer the indescribably cruel new tearing of assholes to John McCain that all the old Clintonites (Begala, Carville etc) have been baying for all week…but she will probably do something classy and valedictory instead. Let’s watch and see how this drama unfolds….
10:38 PM — OH SHIT IT’S ON, BITCHES. Biographical clip…ROLL. Lots of photos of Hillary looking hot back in the day.
10:39 PM — They are furiously passing out signs…”Hillary” signs with her signature, those vertical dealies that say OBAMA on one side and UNITY on the other…we are drowning in signs. Newell proposes a joust.
10:40 PM — Hillary Rodham Clinton is not an astronaut. This is the essential tragedy of America. Rousing applause, Hillary signs, and there’s Chelsea, in a cocktail dress. So frivolous. Holy shit is that an orange pantsuit? Bold move. Where are the reaction shots of the ladies weeping? This lady is almost weeping. It is so easy to get emotional at these events. Hillary and Chelsea look like Halloween together.
10:43 PM — For God’s sake, Hillary, the take-home message from the reception here is that people want to like you. So please do not ruin everything, again. Oh God she looks so sad. This is horrible. Annnd somebody upwind of us just farted. Classy.
10:45 PM — Where are the WHIPS on the floor? We see nothing except some schlubs in neon vests, and they don’t look like riot police or anything.
10:46 PM — “The time is now to unite as a single party, with a single purpose.”
10:47 PM — Brief review of the resume…Do not mess this up, PUMAs, she says. “No way, no how, no McCain.”
10:48 PM — Here comes the part where she talks about people grabbing her sleeve. No? Nope. “We love you,” shouts a random Clintard. Oh maybe now the sleeve-grabbing? A single mom, two kids, autism, cancer, painted bald head…This is the most tragic woman in America, and Hillary Clinton found her.
10:51 PM — “All 50 states, Puerto Rico, and the territories.” Did you know that Puerto Rico voted for Hillary? Cause they totally did. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits, ha.
10:52 PM — Shout outs to Bill Gwatney, Arkansas Democratic Chair who got shot by some random crazy, and Stephanie Tubbs Jones, the congresswoman who made the Colbert Report interesting at the very beginning.
10:53 PM — Aack those fucking green collar jobs. That is the worst term since Information Superhighway. Oh here comes a big long Clintonian laundry list, except without statistics, so it’s a little more palatable.
10:55 PM — We came to the Pepsi Center today instead of sitting in a bar to liveblog this (so tempting!) because we thought the atmosphere was going to be really weird…fraught and resentful and joyous but a little, you know, like a room full of angry women who have had one too many cups of coffee and Bailey’s…and instead it’s just sort of warm and welcoming. Oh well. On the plus side, Hillary Clinton just called all her die-hard supporters SELFISH, basically, for caring more about Hillary Clinton than the troops and the ladies with the painted bald cancer heads.
10:57 PM — And on that somber note we pass it over to our pal Jim Newell.
…I have a feeling they will cut the lights out in the convention center and have her enter like the old school Chicago Bull!!!
Let’s launch her now!
Who’s that women they’re highlighting in that video? She’s kind of cool and likeable.
I hope Hopey gets this kind of anticipatory build up before his speech Thursday night…If not, well, don’t bother coming in tomorrow.
What… the… fuck. This video sucks.
…shit, if she ran this video while she campaigning I might have voted for her! Naaaaaaah!!!
Huh, I don’t want to be inspired by this, but I kind of am. And damn, is that Chelsea? I’m just listening.
(18 million crack…heads)
Oh yay bio. Cue thousands of Hilltards’ outrage at the use of a song that refers to Hillz as a girl and not a woman.
Let’s get it out there…
Chelsea: we’d all hit it. Don’t lie. You know you would.
Welcome Chelsea Clinton, our future first female president.
Looking good!
Nice video–not.
HOLY SHIT. They made fun of her laugh, and they played a song with “What I really want to know is: Are you gonna go my way?” as a lyric.
This is not going to be pretty.
…Chelsea is looking bone-able tonight!
she can be anyone she wants to be, cuz she married a president
remember when chelsea was butt-ugly?
That film montage was horrible! I am seriously embarrassed for Hillz now, and would not begrudge her at all if she endorses McCain after this train wreck.
Oh, shit.
Tangerine Dream.
ZOMG, the music people sound like they’re trying to cater to a Disney crowd: few words, sorat recognizable music, almost-scandalous rock that all the kids dig.
I really want 18 million pieces of crack right now. Hmm? It’s 18 million CRACKS? Oops, well, I stand by what I said.
AHHHH! THE ORANGE PANTSUIT! It’s the great pumpkin!
…her outfit is candy corn orange.
Really? Bright orange pantsuit?
I can’t tell if my sound cut out or if I just can’t hear anything over her SUIT. WTF
YOWCH! What color is that? Pumpkins don’t come that orange! It’s the color of Ah-nold’s skin….
A pants suit. Shocking.
The reason she lost in the first place is that creepy fake wave bullshit
So what is the significance of orange? The D. Broncos?
The pre-packaged videos have been really the best part of this convention so far. How sad is that?
They taking her to prison in that jumpsuit?
HEYOOOO!
Oh, and FYI: I was a supporter of Hilldawg.
obfuscator: Where are you watching?
Oh, clap-clap-point-point, I MISSED YOU.
And slay me, but Hillz looks kind of nice in day-glo Orange.
If Michelle can muster up some tears during Hillary’s speech, it’ll be genius.
No-one told all these bitters with signs that she’s not being nominated.
Orange pantsuit. An obvious appeal to Texas Longhorn fans. Nice job!
Great intro after the crappy video, Chelsea. Concise, mature, pitch perfect.
Why has bill been chewing his tongue all night.
loganmo: Yeah I do. Now I’m more than intrigued.
do I spy tears in Bill’s eyes? maybe he is slightly human…
smellyal8r: …or Warner’s.
And there’s Bill, mouthing “I love you”.
Not so sincere.
At this point I am pretty sure she is just wearing those god-forsaken neon pantsuits just to piss me off.
wow… was Bill mouthing, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” and got teary?
DAMN, I got teary.
Bill Clinton and her handlers killed her campaign. Now let’s see her do the right thing by her party and eviscerate the man who called her daughter ugly.
Are her fans going to let her talk? Or are those Obama people trying to drown her with appreciation?
…that crowd is really boozed up!
I hope Bill wears a bright orange Don Magic Juan pimp suit tomorrow night. Cane, chalice, etc.
Excuse me I’m having catharsis.
Point, point, nod, nod, thumb point, clap clap, cut to shot of Bill’s “happy overbite”. Michelle and the basketball coach looking nervous. I think I am about ready to kill myself.
She would have won my vote is she had dared to wear pumpkin more often.
I am here tonight as a proud mother–(shut yo mouth!)
A proud PUMA!
Biden looked bored.
Aw, she said it. I’m getting teary-eyed.
Bitch had better walk the walk.
I’m loving the DailyKos-colored pantsuit.
shes didnt say a proud wife…eye twitching!
How nice of Olberman to bring up McCain’s joke about Chelsea … right before she introduces her mom.
Okay, so I laughed.
Uh oh, she said she’s a proud american, senator, democrat, obama supporter, and mother.
what, not a proud wife of bill?
This is going to be REAL passive-aggressive.
…how long before she slips up and calls him her opponent?!
“My friends” opening statement coded message to McCain
“We are on the same team.” Well, yeah, her and Barr both munch da puntang.
Who is Mark Warner?
She just called Arkansas “the trenches”
Blah blah blah win together.
No, really, Hillz. Let’s go after McCain. No one gives a shit about children and your work with them.
The past 715 years in the trenches, fighting for you bitches’ rights…
Damn, I just tuned in. Orange pantsuit…
What is she wearing … one of Bill’s prison fatigues?
I meant Barry..not bob barr
This is the moment that old ladies in pantsuits all across the nation have been waiting for. I’m so excited! Almost makes me wish I was a bitter old baby boomer with a chip on my shoulder about “experience” and uppity negros.
…some of these people are freaky. I mean crazy guy on the train freaky!
Crap, she’s planning her own Ukrainian “orange revolution”! Aieee! Hide Barry!
Hey you guys have to give her some credit, 1-2 sentences in she says shes a Barry supporter. C’mon.
If you put on sunglasses, it’s barely possible to listen to the speech without being sickened by the glare of the pantsuit.
Too bad Chelsea didn’t do a roast of old man McCain for the joke he said
NO WAY, NOHOW, NO MCCAIN!!!
loudmouthredhead: GOD’S COUNTRY, also known as central Illinois.
That was good. “No way, no how, no McCain.”
Michelle is glowing with hate.
No way.
No How.
No McCain.
Not sure if that’s going to catch on.
NO WAY! NO HOW! NO MCCAIN! NO FAT CHICKS!
No way no how no McCain. Nice. Sic’em, girl.
And don’t forget: she ain’t no ways tired. But that pantsuit, I mean. Please make it stop. At least it’s not by Pelosi’s/Nepalitano’s “tailor”.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: What are you, gay? Because we should hang out if you are.
Does anybody remember The Gates, in Central Park? I think that’s the stuff they used to make the (pants) suit.
michelle obama looks GREAT!
Here’s hoping she puts McCain’s age, temper, and lack of family values in play for the DNC for the first time tonight. Come on, Hillary, where’s the attack dog?
JeffGoldblum: Look into her eyes, really look…..what’s behind the flashes of smily-ness, shark-like anger.
well hell. now i kinda like her for the first time in 25 years.
i know i bitched about this campaign going on FOREVER, but can we start over so we can take a better look at these candidates?
Whaaaa? Bald head?
This speech might be good…. CRAZY good.
AngryBlakGuy: She’s gonna refer to McCain as her opponent.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: Actually, I was a little nauseated by that. His credibility on that isn’t so great. She didn’t actually mention being a proud wife among her laundry list of proud to be’s…
Yikes, bald headed cancer lady with autistic kids. I can’t snark that fast enough.
Hillz is doing great, and she looks like she lost weight!
She is dressed for Gitmo.
Well goddamn, didn’t she say goodbye already? Move it along and talk about how creepy McCain is…
What the hell is a person w/o health insurance adopting autistic kids? Moron.
she doesn’t quite pull of orange the way michelle did, but she looks good. now i hope she doesn’t completely lose it and scream “I FUCKING HATE YOU BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!YOU RUINED MY LIFE.”
Oh snooooooze. It’s time to share people’s personal tragedies.
“mommy, why is that lady dressed like an dream sickel. Is it okay if I don’t have to watch her anymore, she scares me”
Scott-san: Yeah a good sound-bite for the highlights clip.
Hillz is always remembering these horrible tragic people. Always with the remembering, and the anecdotes, and the tragedies that totally <3 Hillary 4fr.
What’s with that?
Take that Daddy Yankee…she give a shout out to PR!
LOL. Traveling pantsuits.
…I keep trying to pay attention to what she is saying but that orange DOC jumpsuit she is wearing is distracting.
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTSUITS!
she made a funny!
And seriously, Pantsuits?
Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits! That shit is comedy gold.
Make and ad that just shows the orange pantsuit with McCain’s logo over it. Election over.
You know, her recounting personal encounters with people is quite a bit more convincing than Al’s memories were in 2000.
“Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits?” THERE’S MORE?!
Catharsis eruption [urp]
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTSUITS!!!! Ok, I kind of like her now.
graceless: good call!
Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits! Mystery solved. Yay.
She made a funny!
Aww. S-Tubbs.
Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits? Oh. Come. On.
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTSUITS!!!!
FTW!!1!
Gold, Hillz. GOLD.
Why wasn’t Hillary this funny during the primaries? The pantsuit line absolutely did not suck balls.
Hilz got lipstick on her teeth…true?
graceless: I do believe it’s traffic cone orange, not pumpkin. It’ll be easier for the PUMAs to follow her from the hall, singing their merry song…
…poor a sip out on the concrete for Stephanie Tubbs-Jones bitches!
graceless: *moran
/fixed
Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits? It hurts me precious.
Four months ago, I didn’t think Tubbs-Jones was so “inspirational.”
Thank you, God, for ensuring we won’t be governed by a sisterhood of screaming orange pantsuits.
That pantsuit is from the future, where women can be astronauts.
So these two dead people knew these things…..? and others don’t? what is that?
Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits? HA HA HA! What about all the male Hillary supporters who wear pantsuits? Sexistism!
Putin, Georgia, Iran & Iraq…
I thought she was going to extemporize an updated version of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.
graceless: That did strike me as kind of “Um, you were expecting what, exactly?”
I’m totally voting for Hilz in Nov! She has great ideas.
graceless: You horrible person! (Ok, I thought exactly the same.)
Haha, big cheer for gay rights.
Remember when Bill Clinton got that blowjob? What happened to those days?
18 million cracks of Sisterhood of the Traveling Bitters
…the gayz have taken over!!!
BILL! Why so serious?!
All fifty states? Does this mean that Florida and Michigan are going to count for something other than being a bunch of dumb fucking assholes who can’t run a primary.
ARG. Enough with the blah blah, Hillz! Drop an f-bomb or something
AnnieGetYourFun: I am gay. I am straight. I am… TRANSCENDENT!
(and a total slut)
Gay rights! Yay! I heard it! Now I can tune out and go undermine traditional marriage for the remainder of the evening.
Bill is GLOWING red. His nose is leading the sleigh. God damn!
Is that a tambourine? Or is the band trying to play her off the stage?
Ok, just pretend Barack owns 11 houses and changed his name to John McCain.
I was in it for the tail
I saw catharsis!
Was I in it just for me or was I in it just for me?
i WISH i had been invisible from the crappy BUSH administration… instead I have been repeatedly demonized by it.
No! I was in it for the punch and pie, goddamnit.
Pacodenero: I got her in Hi-def on the PBS feed. Methinks it is more likely Robitussin.
I was in it for the WHORE DIAMONDZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at how proud Bill is…
I was in it 4 teh lulz.
why does michelle only smile when she’s on camera?
Interesting how she keeps saying “we”….WHO exactly? Her and Barry? Dems in General? She needs to tout “him” more. Isn’t that the point?
I’m sorry Hillary, I was just in it for you and the pantsuits. I’m not feelin’ it for the soldiers, balding-autistic-kid moms, blah blah.
*sigh*
but…if I MUST
Orange Pantsuit in front of a blue background? Go Broncos!
HIROHITO99: Obama gave them their votes back.
“Were you in it” is GOOD STUFF. Hear that PUMAS?
oh, me likey the “we need a president who understands” bit
Oh, dude, she just got control of her vocal tones, and actually sounds sincere. Fuckin’ A. Why didn’t she do this before?
Laundry list laundry list laundry list laundry list
Please don’t mention Bill’s sleazy oil deals in Uzbekistan.
Wow, she’s really pushing for that Hussein guy. I might even vote for him.
Neon pantsuit = not invisible.
BILL SO SAD
Oh, knock it off y’all. You all secretly LOVE her and you know it. Pantsuits and all.
The first two nights of this convention have cured my recent bout of insomnia. Good night, folks!
P.S. Since when did Bill get all squinty a la Renee Zellweger?
President Clinton, my crazy ass husband with a weak ticker…
…what is the guy to girl ration in Denver? It looks like there is a ton of azz out there right now!!!
NoWireHangers: He had to get EXTRA sauced to get those “I love you”’s out there.
Look at Bill lick that shit up. He’s dying to be back in the spotlight. Sheesh.
What, health care will only cover single Americans?
I think Michelle is just waiting to rush the stage and punch Hillary in the mouth if she starts acting up.
She’d have won this thing if she’d have sounded this passionate about her own candidacy.
Bill looks a little too happy from that mention. Where’s the BJ coming from now?
Hillz will be named supreme court justice…humm
Crikey. You know Bill just wants to violently wrest the microphone for himself. When did he get so redfaced?
AnnieGetYourFun: Because Mark Penn was hovering over her with all his hates and angers.
Yay for all the wives!
…uh-oh did i hear some “NO’s!” when she suggested Biden as VP?!
Hillz knows Michelle is in for hell, and she loves it. But hopefully they can be pals and Michelle can take Hillz to Barney’s for some new threads.
AnnieGetYourFun: See? Now she’s showing what supporters like me actually saw in her before. She may look like she’s a traffic cone, but she’s not a monster people…
Oh girl-talk here. The alpha-women briefly mwah-mwah each other.
She will not directly confront McCain USING her the way he has.
Hmm… she said, “Four more years of the last eight years” with a no-you-di’int-honey headshake. awesome.
DAMN… look at the hussy attack Jamakane. AWESOME.
Oh, she’s on a fucking roll right now. She’s not letting the crowd answer, though.
Pacodenero: God, I hope not. Why not Secretary of State or Attorney General?
Wow, she’s not a very good friend. I’m not going to invite her to my party now.
…OUCH, she just unloaded on WALNUTS! with both barrels!
Anybody send their laundry out? CAUSE I GOTS ME A LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twin Cities…now it’s working a little.
If her hair were white, that’s what Charlie Crist would look like naked.
She is the new Ted Kennedy, I suppose. With less Yachting.
Orange pantsuit - an obvious appeal to the overly concerned hunter/Eddy Merckx demographic.
John McCain also remembers a time when a woman couldn’t vote.
Bill just wants to clutch the microphone to his chest, hissing “my preeeeecioussss…”
iwillsavethispatient: I know… I just really like pointing out that Florida is inept at handling elections.
Chelsea’s working that Veronica Lake thing.
John McCain is mean to girls! Pass it on! This is excellent.
“Traveling for days and nights”….perhaps in Pantsuits?!
Chelz looks bangable tonight. Her hair looks all soft and shit.
However, Peggy over to the Hair Barn did a good job on the do tonite.
If Hillz had been this energetic during the primaries, she’d be the candidate now
loudmouthredhead: Agreed. And it’s about time.
…all she needs are a couple of cute black children!
AngryBlakGuy: loved the disapproving shake of the head
“Annnd somebody upwind of us just farted. Classy.”
That was Bill Sara. His red face is a clear sign of struggling with arugula-induced gassy-ness.
Chelsea needs to get the hair out of her face. Lookin’ a little too “Carrie”…
She’s crushing it with her snappy one-liners. The “let’s support Barack” stuff is a home run so far.
kitryne: I think she went pretty easy on him considering the whole “Chelsea Clinton is so ugly because Janet Reno is her father” thing.
My mother was born before women could vote. My daughter voted for her mother for president.”
Okay. Damn it! I was positive I wouldn’t cry.
Is she comparing herself to Harriet Tubman, and Obama to a slave?
excuse me Harriet Tubman???!!! Like you are Harriet Tubman???!!!
I see dogs..my shiba inu and rat terrier.
can she talk about obama as something other than a generic dem? i wonder if it’s actually possible for her to sound like she thinks he’s a decent and admirable human being, not just like she doesn’t completely hate him.
Harriet Tubman: black AND woman
KEEP GOING! Captain, I’ve given her all she can take! Dammit Scotty, Hillary demands you to KEEP GOING!
Hillary is now Harriet Tubman. Step back Barry. Yeesh.
New liveblog again.
OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!
point-point-clap-clap, point-point-clap-clap!
grendel: She could not win because she had to lose to know how to get to this moment.
The glass ceiling metaphor is based on the idea that the ceiling is too low, not too high. COME ON.
I’m covered in catharsis.
DoctorCulturae: my head just exploded…
Hey Chelsea, whatcha doin’ later?
HILLARY IN 2012!!!!!!!
Done…I guess tomorrow night from the NY microphone she will “release my delegates”. A great speech, well delivered. She’s a great convention hall speaker, not so hot in the crucible of the campaign.
The best speech she’s given this election season. I hope to GOD it puts the final stake in the heart of PUMA.
J-Man: I laughed so hard I knocked over my drink. Nice. I can never look at my governor the same again.
I don’t quite get how the “keep going” story links to our country’s perseverance….it was just a strange link.
I’m kinda surprised at how little she told her supporters to go for Obama…kinda shocked really. She’s a political animal enough to know you have to drill that stuff in.
Curiouser and curiouser…
OH TEH DRAMAZ!
YES! One last point point clap for old times. Thanks for the memories, Hillz. God bless you.
And now for the final benediction, Cheech & Chong - together again.
Batman & an Olsen twin!???
nietzscheprojectile: Very tacky. So she is the one who is allowing slaves to be free? Meh!
loganmo: RUN, bitch, RUUUUUUNNNN!
Ugh…I’m listening to NPR and they’re sad about how Mrs. Clinton did not show an obvious “vendetta”. I think they were all expecting frothing at the mouth and screaming.
Sheesh, even NPR is getting in on the “bitter old lady” mystique.
DoctorCulturae: All I have left is Bah! Bah, I say.
Thank you Hillary for being very smart, and very classy.
To do otherwise could have set women back another 50 years.
THANK YOU.
“I wanna take you higher?” Bong hits for everyone. Dammit. Why am I not in Denver? Whhhhhyyyyyyy?!?
Snark off: this is the half-hour when Barack Obama won the Presidency. If this speech brings home even 5% more Dems, bringing his total maybe up to 84-85%, it will be a landslide.
loudmouthredhead: I listened to NPR earlier today and it was like they were hungry for a PUMA revolt. Ha. Not tonight, suckas.
AxmxZ: Agreed. Now, it’s Billiam’s turn to do his part.
AxmxZ: PBS is saying WALNUTS! is going to air an ad tomorrow with the Hillz soundbite of “Me and WALNUTS! have experience on Day One and Barry gave a speech”
We’ll see what happens…
anyone know what the her intro and exit music was?
Anybody remember H. Ross Perot? I believe I’m spelling his name correctly; it’s been so long. Anyway, in 1992, H. Ross, a Texas billionaire, ran a successful third party candidacy for president. As it turns out, H. Ross’s motive for running was to pull enough votes away from George H. W. Bush, another Texas billionaire, who happened to be president, and hand the election to the Democratic opposition, who happened to be Bill Clinton. H. Ross siphoned off an estimated 20-million votes, more than enough to do the trick. Afterwards, H. Ross disappeared into the ether from which he had sprung, leaving 20-million people in the lurch. Bill Clinton went on to fulfill many of H. Ross’s campaign proposals, like a balanced budget. But while H. Ross’s motive had been personal, the Clinton’s motives are political. And, the lesson of Perot’s displaced millions has not been lost on them. As Dwight D. Eisenhower was so fond of saying: The only thing new under the sun, is the history you don’t know: http://theseedsof9-11.com
Peggy McGilligan: I’m only commenting because I refuse to let that boring screed cap off an awesome live blog thread. Hey Peg? That link at the bottom? Maybe you should go spend some time there hmm?
And no, nobody remembers H. Ross Perot. Or the gigantic satellite dishes on the sides of his head.
Peggy McGilligan: Ugh. Don’t post here…ever again…