Wonkette
MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan hates Michelle Obama because she didn’t specifically say “church” in her speech last night. Apparently, the OPENING PRAYER and CLOSING BENEDICTION to Jesus at the convention weren’t enough to prove to Average Americans that Democrats don’t worship a cat’s asshole. [YouTube]
FUCK YA. Who else wants to fuck jeebus in the ass? I FUCKING LOVE JEEBUS. I want his Jeebusness all over my face, like frequently. FUCK me jeebus.
I think Buchanan was just upset that Michelle didn’t pledge allegiance to Mein Fuhrer like he wanted her to.
My god (Flying Spaghetti Monster) is more powerful than yours so fuck all you non believers.
Oooh, Buchanan got a little Hardball’d at the end there. Saucy!
She *did* say the word “church” though. Well, technically she said “churches”…
So I guess Buchanan’s right!
God bless you and God bless America wasn’t enough for the neo-nazi? Didn’t Jeebus say something about not wearing your religion on your sleeve or praying in private and not on the street corner or something like that?
Go away, Pat. Just. Go. Away.
Rachel Maddow makes me so very happy. Just the look she gets on her face when Pat-sy starts talking is enough to make me cream my jeans.
And I’m a straight girl.
I watched the Convention via the live stream at http://www.demconvention.com. The best part about it? No commentary. None. Zip. No heartburn. No shooting the TV. Just speeches and hope.
(puts away cat-litter incense and Fresh Step offerings)
Right, what? Oh, yeah. We worship at church(es).
Can’t you worship Jeebus and a cat’s asshole? Why are you trying to take my freedoms?
I do hope that he’s cast as Rachel’s contrarian septugenarian sidekick for at least one segment on her show. I need a nightly Pat spanking — it never gets old no matter how often she does breaks it out. It’s like she’s the daughter he never had but totally deserves. His tragic fucktardedness makes for such watchable teevee. Ah, Pat, just cashing those checks….
The cat asshole worshiping lobby actually came out for McCain this year because he has anal sex with a cougar.
Also, she forgot Poland.
NoWireHangers: It’s worth it to hear Bill Maher discombobulate Tweety by talking about the “lunacy” of Mormonism — and then Tweety has to placate the Mormtards by saying what a great religion it is. Or Rachel’s smackdown of Pat Buchanan’s stoopid comment about Michelle Obama using a “scripted” speech. Or when Tweety starts calling the PUMAs “wackos”.
Well worth the zillion Viva Viagra commercials.
NoWireHangers: Well you certainly have a dull attitude toward television.
MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan
You spelled “anal cyst” wrong.
um DUH pat, everyone knows the Obamas are MUSLIM.
Everyone knows Michelle hates America and Jesus in that order. Seriously, she would never win with the ‘I left my sheet at the cleaners’ crowd. Pat is just pissed because he didn’t get to bring up crazy brother Wright, which he would have done had she brought up church.
Chris Matthews looking more and more like he wants to run for the senate as a democrat.
spencer: No way can old McNasty get hard enough to penetrate that rectum of repressed rage, not even with Bob Dole’s helpful pills. Oh, wait, you meant Mistress Cindy takes the strap-on to her “prisoner” didn’t you? In that case, carry on!
The DNC is just glad she left out “mosque” and “mandir”.
WadISay: Best. Comment. Ever.
And Pat Buchanan is a dork.
Vanity Smurf: Anita Cocktail: I just can’t take the PUMA talk anymore. I don’t want to hear it. Even NPR was doing it. It’s nice to just see the unaltered content for once instead of the content + all kinds of spin. There’s only so many months of MSN/CNN/FOX I can take, and if I’m going to last until November I need some rest.
I wonder if Pat went all “Flowers in the Attic” with Bay? I mean, I would. If I could.
Mmmmm. Bay Buchanan.
I bet she smells like fresh baked cookies.
…everyone knows that you aren’t Christiany enough until you spend half your speech telling everyone how your god is going piss fire and brimstone down onto the non-believers and brown people!
NoWireHangers: the commentary is the best part — just like these comments are the best part on wonkette!
NoWireHangers: Yeah, but there was a weird couple of minute tape-delay effect going on when I watched it there. Threw my snarky commenting all out of sync.
RuperttheBear: I’m thinking mothballs and Beefeater’s Gin
NoWireHangers: I’ve decided that this year, I’m going to switch channels and watch something else whenever a pundit comes on. It’s much more relaxing and I have yet to throw anything at my tv.
Don’t be dissin’ my cat’s ass. You’ve never even met my cat, let alone seen her ass.
NoWireHangers: Well, there are a number of non-entertaining hacks that I will automatically mute because I can’t stand them (I’m looking at you Harold Ford) so I suppose I understand a little need for respite. But unedited feed… that’s just so, so, so DailyKos Diary.
whatever_dc: Yeah, I totally come here for the comments.
WadISay: I think I missed the shark-jump on this one
spencer: teehee.
Chris Matthews played the Thomas Jefferson card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck.
If we have another 4 years of bullshit christian god fearing jebus dumbshit flyover state paranoia trollopy cunt tranny mess, i am moving. not to canada — i’m not white (i hear they like threating to go to canada) — no, i’m going to find some place with some god damn sun.
Hart88: That could pass as a cookie in the Buchanan household.
She looks like she’d smell a lot like white vinegar to me.
However, one can’t make a speech about Pat Buchanan without using the words ‘cocksucking prick’.
shortsshortsshorts: With a plastic Jeebus, even.
pondscum: You’ve never even met my cat, let alone seen her ass.
Something else Jeebus and your cat’s posterior orifice have in common.
I don’t even have to worship MY cat’s asshole to get it to leave me presents! Steamy, smelly presents…but they’re regurgitated with love!
Pat Buchanan is just bitter that no group will welcome him to any conventions anymore, not even NAMBLA.
SayItWithWookies: Awesome. Only the AP can afford proper spelling checkers (remember the Lieberman “prick” incident? Wait…that sounds bad)
AnnieGetYourFun: and it totally gave me a chubby
spencer: Ba-zing. +1 Too bad no one will go near the PUMAs…drier than the damn Sahara. Might start a fire
Dear Editors:
I am disappointed and offended by your use of the pejorative “worship a cat’s asshole” in reference to members of the Felanusite Community. The FC does not worship the feline anus. We revere the saintly anus of the great Mother Cat, as it was from there that Our Savior Kittenpoops was brought into this world to guide mankind into a new era of spiritual and moral transcendence. On behalf of the Community, I look forward to your published correction of this error.
Sincerely, High Priest Freshstep
american mutt: Might I recommend the terrorist haven furn countree of Hawaii?
edgydrifter: Oo oo, can I be Deacon TidyCat? Where’s sister HappyPussy?
Anita Cocktail: True dat. The things that I would let Rachel do to me… it boggles my mind sometimes.
Cat’s asses are positively pleasant compared to nasty-ass dogs, what with their anal glands that so-called “evolution” (ha! as if that existed!) failed to give them opposable thumbs capable of emptying.
Don’t knock worshipping at a cat’s asshole, either. The Cathars were accused of it in southern France in the late 13th century. Unfortunately, they were all horribly extirpated, but the area has made a cottage industry of their heresy, so, all in all, this cat’s asshole thing worked out rather well for them.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Gawd put those there to remind us bestiality is NOT ok. Strange how people don’t have them…
I’m also disappointed that Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama didn’t sacrifice her two daughters to the Christian God on live TV.
loudmouthredhead: i wanna be sister HappyPussy even though i’m a boy…
I can save you some valuable typing time, like this:
“MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan hates Michelle Obama.”
Or, if you’re especially rushed:
“MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan hates.”
Vanity Smurf: Well said! I actually don’t mind Pat at all. When he spouts something batshit crazy, he just reminds me of my grandpa. Almost endearing in a racisty kind of way.
And please don’t attack me for saying this, but Rachel was looking pretty ragged last night. Not her usual polished self.
american mutt: We don’t need any more goddamned white people here. Please reconsider Canada when the “bullshit christian god fearing jebus dumbshit flyover state paranoia trollopy cunt tranny mess” wins in a walkover this November. If I run into one more goddamned pasty-assed “refugee” from your fucked-over country I am going to start in on the meth and the rifles just to even things out.
I’ve been impatient with Matthews before, I take it all back. He’s right on here.
It’s Christians like Buchanan that give us a bad name. Every time he talks his brand of Christianity it’s a limitation. Matthews notes Buchanan’s charge accurately, as a limitation and libtards are right to react with indignation. But Buchanan does not speak for Jeebus. Any rational (yes rational) Christianity is an inclusive, non-litmus test way of interacting with the world. Buchanan needs to be called on this - often. This is political demagoging. Of course he learned this at the knee of the master: Nixon.
Time for another shot. I’m going to be good and toasty for The Bitterz-berg Address this evening.
SayItWithWookies: We have a winner
pat needs to sit on his “steeple” and spin.
DoctorCulturae: But Buchanan does not speak for Jeebus.
Fuck you, buddy. I lost Jesus to Pat Buchanan in a poker game in Miami Beach back in ‘77. I understand that Pat later traded Jesus to Jim Dobson for 200 swastika armbands and some amputee porn back in the Ed Meese era and Jesus is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of Focus On The Family Inc., but Buchanan held back the right to speak for Jesus whenever he goddamn well pleases.
every other word out of everyones mouth needs to be JEEBUS
Tybalt: If his contract with the rights to speak for the Great One is in the public domain I’d like to check all the riders. Maybe those swastikas were made in China. And ah, sweet pungent nostalgia for Ed Meese. When men were men and pigs were, well Ed Meese.
Just because the Obamas are black and from Chicago, Pat expects her to mention Church’s Fried Chicken every time she opens her mouth?
JOHN MCCAIN SPENT FIVE AND A HALF YEARS WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT CHURCH’S FRIED CHICKEN.
does jesus dj or know of a decent band in the denver area?
Democrats worship a cat’s asshole. Republicans simply vote for them.
and will jesus ever make hillary wear something other than a pantsuit? her calves, according to the latest reports, are heading her north.
…in all honesty the only reason Pat Buchanan and all the rest of the right-wingers wanted Michelle Obama to mention”Church” is so that they could bring up REV. WRIGHT! Fukking douchebags.
did he mean churchkey?
i never understood how …ummm.. some people of irish descent who had it so hard 150 years ago could be such dicks.
Pat - Your Jeebus was a Jew and he worshipped at a temple, not a church. Not even Jesus said the word “church.” Pat, why do you hate Jeebus?
I want Pat Buchanan to use the word “cocks” in every appearance.
at least a cat’s asshole exists! SEPERATION, SEPERATION, SEPERATION, SEPERATION!!!
bup: Thats good eatin’ right there.
Buchanan must have some serious “Looking in the mirror” issues. Hypocrite.
It must be hard for him though, going on camera and having little pieces of his soul die with such regularity. It’s like metaphysical frost-bite.
i worked at chuch’s fried chicken in the summer when i was 16 — a long time ago! it was aweful! i was a fry cook and was burned and bathed in grease daily for minimum wage which back then was about $2.00/hour if that. memories! *sigh*
his brain is like a moth eaten schmata. his “mega-soul” is full of “mega-holes”.
RuperttheBear: Down there.
StripesAndPlaids: He might as well since MSNBC is not likely to renew his contract. It also explains his man-crush on Gov Ed Rendell. Although I did like Matthews repeatedly referring to the wackos in the crowd.
echoman2000: They’re “cankles,” man. Get the terminology right.
AngryBlakGuy: It didn’t stop Herr Buchanan from repeatedly trying to bring up Rev Wright anyway. Glad Rachel is there to shut him down with those rare traits: intelligence & integrity.
And I want the word ‘cunt’ in all speeches. How about that, you Reform Party-hijacking loser?
I feel the same way when I hear a speech that doesn’t mention Cthulhu.
Jeebus can never love me as much as a cat’s asshole. That’s all I’m saying.
WHY do those angry Jihadists Rachel Thespian and Chris Bulldog HATE Pat Buchanan so much?
Rev. Dr. Buchanan is a Merkin patriot, who surfed his country in the 1960s and 1970s with speeches written for “Big Dick” Nixon that brought lawn order and prosperity to this nation.
In his honor and to promote peace, the Demopublicans ought to cancel the Clinton speeches, rename the Pepsidome to “Sacred Hall of Baby Jeebus and His Miraculous Asshole”, and let Rev. Dr. Pat lecturize these country bumpkins and city slickers a few days.
I’ll bet Romney and Guiliani would pack up and go home. Meth assassins would probably go home, too. I know I would.
dano: Or Hastur. Oops…
If Fat Buchanan doesn’t like the United States of America, he should move to Churchnia.
Cardinal Catzinger, reporting for duty, and ready for her reign as Pope Puzzydict XVI. My first edict? Thou shalt all clense thyselves with thy tongues.
As my favorite cartoon kitty Fang says, “I have seen the future, and it licks itself clean.”
All speeches at the Republican convention will contain 9/11, 5 and 1/2, service, drill, and church. They will also contain a code word for “white people”.
Bucky! I mean Bucky Katt! (oh the shame)
snig: Which reminds me to wonder what kind of new fangled way the Repubtards will have of injecting racial hatred and fear into their convention. And how they will march out their programmed army of “clean and articulate” people of color.
Bob Novak has shown the way. Pat needs to follow.
Will Cindy be able to take time off her busy hand shaking, pill popping schedule to address the GOP convention? I hear McCain has requested she do it topless.
Where’s the fookin’ Christianity in these comments? I mean, like, really.
Buchanon gets misty nostalgic when thinking of blacks and whites attending services and loving God in segregated churches.
I did like the followup comment by the…old guy wrapping it up.
Thank you Thomas Jefferson for that from your Dee-luxe Apartment in the Skyyyyy.
dano: Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Maybe if she used like Snoop Dogg at the end of her speech? Like, “…and that’s hope we can believe in. Peace out, y’all, I’m Audi 5000. Church.”
Did anyone notice that the news ticker says:
“FORECASTERS BELIEVE TROPICAL STORM GUSTAV WILL HIT HAITI TOMORROW MORNING, BEFORE APPROACHING THE FLORIDA STRAIGHTS”
Who wants to go first?
a) rachel maddow is so adorable!
b) pat buchanan worships a cat’s asshole, tho that’s probably an insult to cats. real christians aren’t haters.
c) “grace-filled” is a code-word for Christian without being all in your face
d) that dude who called pat “pre-rational” is awesome
e) i am proud of chris matthews? sassy comeback to pat b., no immediate comment (at least in that clip) of how deliciously sexy any of the women involved were!
Bing Shalimar: Obviously “G[od] HAIT[s] FLORIDA STRAIGHTS.” OMG!
i got yer “church” right here, bukkie boy
Bing Shalimar: Yeah. Hit those straights, Gustav. See if you can make them gay by hitting them hard. Florida needs more gays (I think).
who put bill from king of the hill in a suit?
“i was surpriiised”