Correction: The trees are doing JUST FINE THANK YOUThere are many terrible jobs to be had at the Democratic National Convention: the trash Nazis who patrol the garbage cans making sure recyclables don’t get tossed into the forbidden “landfill” bin; the elevator operators trapped in plywood-lined boxes eight hours a day pushing buttons for angry media people; and the pitiable youngsters stuck managing the byzantine and comically nonsensical credentials process. But today we have discovered one even more thankless job: the PR flack who has to write to bloggers on satirical Web sites and explain to them how they have gotten the “facts” wrong. Tragic email after the jump.

Hi Sara,

Saw your posting “DNC Hotel Shocker: Wooden Key Cards Suck” yesterday and wanted to provide you with correct information.

As you know, yesterday (8/25) The New York Sun posted an article titled “Convention ‘Greening’ Goes Awry” that erroneously stated the following about the wood key cards being used at the hotel:

The plan lasted all of a few hours. By Saturday night, enough guests had reported problems getting into their rooms with the wooden cards that the front desk clerks had abandoned them and switched back to the plastic cards.

That statement is false. The hotel did not abandon the wood key cards and has continued issuing them to guests. The following is a statement from the hotel’s General Manager:

“We experienced a few initial issues with the cards, but the problems have all been resolved,” states Mike Ehmann, General Manager, Sheraton Denver Hotel. “Contrary to a few reports, we continue to use the sustainable cards, and plan to use them throughout the remainder of the Democratic National Convention.”

We respectfully request a correction be made to the article on your site to more accurately report the news.

If you require any additional information, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Thank you,


Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. Fuck you, Stephanie. I really could give two shits about your hotel’s key cards, but the article was funny none the less.

    Truck Nutz.

  2. Correction? What, does she think this is some kind of respectable news outlet? Here, I’ll do one better:


  3. “We continue to use the cards made from what would otherwise be still living trees, rather than employ previously manufactured plastic ones. Because we hate, er…LOVE the environment!”

  4. “Next on Fox, will the Democrats replace your house keys with unfinished wooden blocks? We’ll talk with one splinter victim after the break.”

  5. Sara, you slandering slut! How dare you lie to faithful Wonkette readers about a matter of this importance to our nation? I come to Wonkette for truth, not for unfounded slurs on modern innovative uses of forest products.

  6. Were plastic key cards no sustainable? I mean, they do get reused, don’t they?

    “We respectfully request a correction be made to the article on your site to more accurately report the news.”

    Oh, sweetheart. You had my sympathy up until that moment. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll never respectfully request anything from Wonkette. You want them to print a correction, you might as well just demand it, ‘respect’ and ‘requesting’ and ‘accuracy’ be damned.

    Also, Ken likes it rough, like, with bite marks and stuff. Just sayin’.

  7. Hi Sara,

    Saw your posting “DNC Hotel Shocker: Wooden Key Cards Suck Big Donkey Dick” yesterday and wanted to provide you with correct information. The wood key cards are inanimate objects incapable of sucking or blowing the penises of donkeys, mules, burros, and the like. We respectfully request a correction be made to the article on your site to more accurately report the news.

    Thank you,


  8. Wow, just the sort of scathing, skin-blistering rebuke I got the last time I used the New York Sun as a source. Live and learn, Sara.


  9. Never mind that the plastic ones are almost infinitely reusable and so standardized that I often get cards at any given hotel will frequently have other hotels’ logos on them, or that a single barrel of oil will produce enough cards to satisfy the demands of the entire US hospitality industry for a year. Noooo, the green thing to do is make fresh one-use-only “souvenir” cards out of endagered Malaysian hardwoods or genetically modified Frankenaspens or whatever.

    Stefanny, since you’ve obviously drawn the short straw and have to monitor this site, allow me to submit this to you with all due respect: SUCK BALLS.

  10. Hotel flunkies read Wonkette? I am endlessly surprised.

    Then again, perhaps they just do Google searches on the features of their product that they know suck. “Wooden keycard suck ass-fucking” would turn Wonkette right up.

    Call me, Stef.

  11. [re=70243]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s sustainability we Dems can believe in. Or at least, supply endlessly, if the Repubs are to be believed.

  12. Hey, according to a certain republican congressman, that wooden keycard might have enough oil to fill your gas tank. It’s like gold, I tell you!

  13. [re=70190]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: to be terribly unfunny, I did hear a bit on NPR the other morning about the staggering number of plastic keycards that are not turned in, and thus lost/thrown away, etc. It is in the 100s of millions.

  14. [re=70171]Terry[/re]: and she probably had to blow her boss to get the phrase “erroneously stated” in there to replace “royally fucked it up”. the lengths those poor interns go to….

    where can i get an intern?

  15. Stephanie may be earnest. She may be a lowly Hotel or DNC intern/PR flack. She may be the butt of you alls rude and sexist banter. BUT, she is getting paid to read Wonkette.

  16. [re=70284]2goats[/re]: I’m getting paid and reading Wonkette. Ok, slightly different than getting paid to read Wonkette, but there is still money involved and I’m getting it!

  17. [re=70269]Doglessliberal[/re]: ORLY? Well, OK, I suppose that’s a fair point. I don’t know that making them out of wood is actually any better, though, from a sustainability standpoint.

  18. [re=70284]2goats[/re]: you know, that is a good point. AND she might have gotten one of those Convention FunPaks(TM) Ken was gloating about! So she has a coveted bottle of joint juice and gets paid to read Wonkette, and we have neither.

  19. [re=70297]Doglessliberal[/re]: Mmmm…I say all of us reading at work are getting paid to read Wonkette. It’s just that Stefanie’s bosses *know* that’s where their money is going.

    I hope the DNC features recyclable wooden toilet paper, too.

  20. [re=70179]mattbolt[/re]: LOL! Please do this Wonkette! (by the way, i registered just to LOL on this). i may/Shall/WILL post again. . . in the FUTURE!

  21. [re=70243]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and/or sustainable hemp-based products.

    Seriously. WTF? It’s like the womyn’s eco-vegan collective has highjacked the host committee and the DNC. And they ask what’s the matter with Kansas?

  22. This made my day. I appreciate your attempt at “correcting” and “error” printed by a “media source”, Stef, but seriously…get a life. Or at least bribe some intern to do your pathetic job for you.

  23. Thanks, Stefanie. We’ll be sure to email or fone you iph we discover anymore fony news bits, and will rephrain phrom posting snarky aforisms as best we can. Phuck you very much!

  24. I want her job. She gets to be the studious roommate who stomps out of her bedroom to yell at the partying roommates for being too loud, only to discover that the cute boy she likes is visiting. Oh, the exquisite horror! That’s the job I’ve always wanted.

  25. [re=70269]Doglessliberal[/re]: To your point, I just came back from a vacation in which we stayed in two hotels. On returning home, I threw out the four key cards I had boosted in the process. Had they been wood, I could have made them into toothpicks, then pulped them into toilet paper and emptied my cesspool on the tomatos.

  26. Hint for Stephanie – if you want the Wonkette editors to move on anything, insinuate that the Secret Service is pissed at them and watch how they hop to. Loads of fun.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleDNC Schwag Bag: Bunch ‘o Crap
Next article