Wonkette
Shadowy “sources” tell Fox News that John McCain might be plotting to steal some of Barack Obama’s thunder by announcing his vice presidential nominee as early as Thursday. This will ensure that McCain’s decision — MITT ROMNEY, OBVIOUSLY — gets even less press coverage than expected. We look forward to liveblogging his enfeebled ode to the Mormon superhero, which will be delivered with his usual zest in front of a vomitous green screen in an abandoned subterranean Iraqi bingo hall for an audience of 40 bewildered senior citizens who came for the free samples. [Fox News]
PLEASE LET IT BE MITTENS!!!!!!
I really really hope it’s Mittens. I mean, comedy was taken to a whole new level when Mittens and 9/11 were battling it out.
He’s only saying this to get attention during the conventions.
If WALNUTS! keeps up this unrelenting campaigning, he’ll be dead by October. Erm. Carry on, WALNUTS!
Free samples? Is he going to announce his Veep selection in a Costco?
Yes, Mittens would produce more Fudge Factory treasuries, but Lieberman would be AMAZING. AMAZING.
I will be wearing my magic underpants on Thursday in case I’m tempted to tune in to Fucks’ News for this breaking story.
Of course he’ll announce on Thursday, and then whine about how the media ignores him in favor of Obama.
Funny underwear for EVERYONE!!!!
God, he’s tacky. I’m starting to run out of things I find funny about the syphlitic old jackass.
Will CNN have a live feed from all of Mitt’s estates? Edge of the seat tevee…
Oh, boy! What could fire up the country’s imagination more than Mittens? Besides cold oatmeal or raw okra, I mean.
…I cant wait to see WALNUTS! and Mittens raising each others hand at their shitty convention!
Botswana Meat Commission FC: It’s like showing up to your cousin’s wedding wearing white.
It will be the battle of the ticket owning 24 houses vs. 4… I guess we know who wins…
No announcement at 3 a.m., though….that’s way past Johnny’s bedtime. And forget 3 p.m., that’s nap time.
Come to think of it, there really is no good time for him to make the announcement. Leave him alone already, he spent
FIVE AND A HALF YEAR….zzzzz.
Abortions for some, Magic underpants for other!
Jeebus, people. Give the guy a break. He spent FIVE AND A HALF YEARS locked up in a bamboo box. FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!
Meanwhile, I will be praying to Obama’s nine-headed Muslim god that McCain picks Mittens.
I’ll be sitting on my couch in my magic undies to live blog the WALNUTS! announcement.
I think Mittens is a masterstroke. They still decide these things based on combined net worth and most immovable lacquered hair shell, right?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Vice President Mittens? You’d think WALNUTS! would at least pick someone who wasn’t openly salivating about how close he is to death. President Mittens? Get outta the country while the gettin’ is good.
McCain keeps trying to announce his VEEP candidate, but always forgets at the last moment.
Gopherit v2.0: Fucking win. WIN WIN WIN.
Bro’s before Hoes douchebag. Wait your turn. You can let the dogs out on Friday and get all the birthday attention you desperately need.
Vegas odds currently has the corpse of Admiral Stockdale, the only running-mate that will make McCain seem young and virile by comparison, at 5:2.
How in the fuck are they almost dead even in all the polls? How many of you people are giving snark answers when you get polled god damnit?
“I wouldn’t much weight into reports that there are windows of possibility,” he said.
And neither would I.
Wait a minute, nobody ever gets “polled” what the fuck am I talking about? I’m still voting Giulianni though.
you mean he isn’t going to pick hillary? what a pig.
I hope he picks Tim Pawlenty so that we can get rid of that jerk of a governor.
I know almost everyone is Pro-Mittens, but I’m kind of hoping that someone has convinced WALNUTS! that Tim Pawlenty won’t get totally fucking Quayled at the VP debate.
JeffGoldblum: Isn’t half the population below 100 on the IQ curve?
everything i own for a view of Mittens in his magic panties. everything.
Dudez: McCain must choose Allen Keyes for vice president.
For the love of all that is good in the world, PLEASE LET IT BE CHENEY!
RooseveltFranklin: You think Cindy will let him pop a Blue Diamond and get his Coccoon on that day?
As much as I want it to be Senator Droopy Sackacrap from CT, the thought of him being handed the “football” when WALNUTS goes to the great celestial Hanoi Hilton to spend FIVE AND A HALF ETERNITIES being assfucked in a totally heterosexual way is too much to bear. At least Mittens probably won’t nuke anyone on his very first day in the Oval Office.
I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but Surprise, it’s going to be Hillary!
18 million votes is a powerful wedge to get in the door, hard to beat.
Of course Hill will outlive the Geezer, and then she can live her fantasy,
unless there’s a pre-nup and Cindy gets the White House after the funeral.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
If he’s smart, he will be begging Colin Powell to take it. When Powell turns him down he’ll give it to a woman. Romney would be just treading water, which he can’t afford to do.
Plz, Walnutz, we can haz VP Palin?
jinmoom:
Then we have Carol Molnau (Jessie Ventura’s eviler twin sister) as our Governor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carol_Molnau
NoWireHangers:
I’ve been saying it for months. He’ll have a massive stroke in October from the stress. Besides, he’s already approaching the putrefaction stage of human decomp. Look for the shadows of the flies on the backdrop at the RNC when he’s at the podium.
McCain should announce Obama as his VP pick, try to attach himself to some of that star power.
Doubt it will be Mittens. WALNUTS! is in hot enough water with the Evangelicals. Most likely it’ll be Strom Thurmond, since he’ll make WALNUTS seem younger and he has the benefit of being dead.
jerryw: Yeah, she’s going to actually annouce it tonight… Surprise DNC! I’m out, beatches!
But if he picks Lieberman, then the minds of thousands of bigots will blow as they try to decide between a candidate who is a Muslim terrorist named Obama and one whose VP is married to a Muslim terrorist named Hadassah. Those bigots who get that Hadassah is in fact Jewish, not Muslim, will then be forced to decide between the Muslim terrorist Shark God and a Jewish Jesus Killer who kills and eats babies.
TGY: Fuck ya. I was going to make the Strom Thurmond comment yesterday, but I was afraid of all teh angry libruls. This is why Joe McCarthy should be our next veep.
Gawd, it can’t be Mittens, can it? WALNUTS saddling us with “five and a half years” worth of Mormon prophesy (I wonder how Mitt will play down in Texas with all that FLDS business…Elder Josiah and Goody Plainwife…it’s a cult). But, Mitt’s got the haircut, the winning smile and a family of hot male progeny to send across the land, while Tim has “Pawlenty of Nuthin” to quote Porgy and Bess.
ReelectTilden: Here’s an article, written by dinosaurs and cavemen, making a case for Palin that walks right up the GILF line, then stops.
tunamelt: He’s not allowed in Costco. Not since the “applesauce incident”.
McNuggets has no choice but to make the announcement on Thursday. Friday is a Mormon holy day.
TGY: I agree — the Fundies are why it might NOT be Romney. There is an uneasiness between the Mormons and the rest of the born-agains that definitely worked against Romney in some primaries. Joseph Smith wrote no chapters on “power sharing,” if you believe the Baptists and Pentecostals. If McCain’t wants a Fundie, he would pick Huckabee, but I think he wants to stay more “centrist” than that — someone from McCain’t’s 16th century outlook rather than the 13th. From a mutual philosophical point, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be an excellent choice.
S.Luggo: It’s also the start of Shabbat. Just sayin’.
You know with Romney’s billions of dollars in personal wealth and untold billions in offshore bank accounts the McCain/Romney ticket could outspend Obama’s fundraising by a wide margin. McCain would be a fool not to pick Romney. Its the only chance he has of not going bankrupt again (like he did last year)
Does anyone have a link to that WALNUTS!/Mittens “I agree, you are the candidate of change” moment in the NH debate? I found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W8Vb6ZqffI&feature=related but I really want the extended version that someone linked to the other day. You know - the one with the bonus footage of Romney asking McCain to please stop hurting his feelings and then McCain smiling like the world’s largest, creepiest, jowliest and most self-satisfied two year old?
I like the idea of “Walnuts and Mittens” because you can sing it to the tune of “My Favorite Things.”
McCain/Cthulu in O8.
Only one of the Old Ones can make the old one look younger.
Will anyone care that another old, conservative, white dude from a state that has had indoor plumbing for 3 whole years is named VP? Other than Mitt’s hair, which is much more gray than 5 months ago, I can’t tell them apart unless they’re using the walkers they decorated for the convention. Thank God Minneapolis is flat!
lawrenceofthedesert: As a Jew, I should be somewhat relieved that the Fundies appear to be more uncomfortable with a Mormon than a Jew. That’s progress. But maybe it’s just because we’re kinda important to that whole Rapture thingie and Mormon’s aren’t.
barack has got to use that horrible green jello footage of mccain in a commercial.
tunamelt: Scrapbooking club in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
La Cieca:
Sounds like an anthem for lobbyists.
Monsieur Grumpe:
But she’ll be SO hated that maybe we’ll get a new election?
I can only dream…
I hatttttttte that gif of Little Boots!!!!! It’s so horrible it’s perfect. It’s like Little Boots vomited and soiled himself and is remarkably pleased with his accomplishment.
my first choice is lieberman cause then we would have two cranky old men running and what could be more fun than that but edgydrifter makes a good point about the nuke button.
mittens is a very close second though and i would also give away everything for a sight of him in his magic undies! specially if his hand is inside playing with his junk!
shortsshortsshorts: alan keyes is a presidential candidate so wouldn’t be elibigle. and i’m voting for him too! the black man america should REALLY be scared of!
Hooray For Anything: and you are the bastion against those scary Muslim terrorists in the Holy Land, so you are OK on that score. They can ignore the Jesus killing thing sometimes if they focus on the Jerusalem thing.
ill bet my left leg that it will be zombie reagan, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this BRAINSSSSSSSS!”
freppish: Well, that would double down on McCain’s “undead horror” appeal, as seen in the picture above.
That .gif never gets old.
i called it first and will be proven correct in mere days: John McCain / Robert McCain ‘08
Norbert: uhhh, Roberta McCain, obviously