Wonkette
Oh what the hell, it’s starting! Here’s Howard Dean, doing what he’ll do for the next 400 hours: introducing people who will give speeches. Let’s liveblog it for a few minutes!
3:02 PM — It started right on time. This is a good sign for the nation.
3:03 PM — Oh so Dr. Dean is supporting Barack Obama.
3:03 PM — He is just reading the rules. This is a bad sign for the nation.
3:03 PM — Hooray for the labor unions! “I am now pleased to introduce the former blah blah blah …”
3:04 PM — We will now pledge our love to Allah, Jesus and Abortions 4 All.
3:08 PM — Oh look, a nice photo by Sara, proving that these liberals will make America backwards.
3:09 PM — As usual, we sat through the pledge — we were even sitting on our flag pins.
3:10 PM — Newell says: “This is the most embarrassing possible opening.”
3:10 PM — The kids are singing, and it’s the Natural Anthem! (The actual singing kids are in a dumpster behind Pepsi Center.)
One fucking long prayer.
HA. They couldn’t even get a real American to bring in the flag.
Damnit, I won’t be home for another hour at least. There goes watching the whole thing in my (not so magic) underpants.
Perhaps he can give a few of his signature ‘whoops’ that give warm feelings to all in whooping range.
…have they burned the George Bush effigy yet?!
SuperRounder: Srsly, I now officially wish I had a television. Fuck the Olympics. I’d be satisfied to drunkenly read along with the live blogging at home tonight.
Is that a bad sign? Really, that I’m single and 30 and that is a good way to spend an evening?
THERE ARE RULES!? I think the Wonkette crew should get naked and find out how they plan on enforcing these rules!
…oh god, the PUMAS and Obama-tards are in a shouting match on MSNBC. It resembles one of those protest in the middle east where they are saying “death to America”.
AnnieGetYourFun: I’m not much younger than you and also single. But I do have tv and I demand they stop long enough for me to get home and de-pants.
Ken, that’s what those other kids get for being uggos.
AnnieGetYourFun: You wanna go on a date sometime? We could try to out-dork each other with politics talk.
AnnieGetYourFun: I’m 28 and in a relationship but shit, this is Seattle, none of us own televisions and yes that sounds like a great way to spend the evening. Let’s get together, open up some good Washington Cabernet and adjust the rabbit ears. I think my box gets KCTS.
AngryBlakGuy: ugh. Nauseating Bitterz. Thanks that C. Todd had some leavening to Matthews not even able to keep stay focused. Wish someone would just dump a bucket of water on them. They say Obama-peeps need to put an end to this. Methinks it has to be Hilbot needs to step up and say cut it out. And btw, Barbara Boxer looks hot.
Landstander: Back off I’m putting the “cyber moves” on anniegetyourfun. Christ, this is like an AOL chatroom circa 1997.
*dial-up modem disconnects*
BEEEEE-YOOOOOOO-KEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKSSSS!
SuperRounder: I have on (off) the appropriate attire, plenty of bourbon, and munchies. Bring it on.
Howard Dean kept doing that funny thing with his mouth. He opens and closes it without saying anything. And that is when he is NOT talking. Just as weird as when he ran for prez.
As a Floridian, I am still confused as to what our status is. They are apparently seating all of our delegates, but each one only gets half a vote, and it apparently it doesn’t really matter because they aren’t going to do the full roll call.
It might interfere with “party unity” if they have a roll call and Hillary gets nominated. Yeah, that would be a bummer for Barack.
AnnieGetYourFun: No. Go dancing and have fun! I’d be doing that, but I have to work, burning my end at both candles, as ’twere.
DoctorCulturae: Well, you’re live blogging, so I’m assuming your hands aren’t in the appropriate place.
DoctorCulturae:
I agree on the Boxer looking hot.
I want her plastic surgeon’s name. She looks unbelievable (and if you want to see about 500 dollars worth of color and cut, that’s what she’s sporting on her head.)
Also, this is tremendously exciting. I wonder whom they’ll nominate? No, no, don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise.
Again, “The key to the Clinton game,” says Dick Morris, “is that they understood, from the beginning, that Obama would not name Hillary to be his VP. They realized that she had far too much baggage and that they came as a package and Bill certainly had too much. They knew that the bad blood between the two camps was such that it was highly unlikely that she would be on the ticket.” The Clinton objective is twofold: make sure no other woman is nominated; stop Obama from winning. Fact is, Hillary’s the best thing that ever happened to the RNC, and to Obama for that matter: http://theseedsof9-11.com
http://www.cnn.com have a live feed now. It’s terribly exciting - the co-chairs of the credentials committee have come on stage to tumultuous applause from someone at the back of the hall. It’s too much.
Crap. Gotta find a way to ditch the office, pick up alcohol and de-pants before it gets too far in! I hate missing a good, nekkid live-blog.
SuperRounder: How dare you accuse me being appropriate.
AnnieGetYourFun: Check this out:
http://www.katebeaton.com/Site/Nonsense_files/on6.jpg
Ferraro is on FOX and tried to glam up, but just looks like a cross between E.T. and Suze Orman.
Also, please elaborate on the surprise and drama of Ted Kennedy’s unanticipated appearance, since I’ve only heard about it a zillion times+1 and how unanticipated it is.
Yay for the CNN feed!
Co-chair of the credentials committee? Wow. We are certainly starting out by setting the bar for scintillating speeches low, aren’t we?
What time does Hilz run onto stage and pump Dean full of lead while screaming, “MUTHAFUCKA!!!”??
whats the advice on de-pantsing at work? do/don’t do? its the late shift no one really comes in.
I like the part where he shouted “YOU’LL HEAR FROM HILLARY CLINTON AND MARK WARNER, NANCY PELOS AND THEN YOU’LL HEAR FROM JIMMY CARTER AND MICHELLE OBAMA AND AL GORE AND TOM DASCHLE AND BILL CLINTON AND BILL RICHARDSON, JIM WEBB AND JOE BIDEN and then we’ll wrap it up with BARACK OBAMA TO TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE YEAYYYHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111″ all in one breath.
Someone remind me why Matthews has a job.
BayhSexual: Cube? Or actual office? Depending upon whether or not the hidden cameras are on, you might be okay. HR will let you know in the morning.
AnnieGetYourFun: c-span.
But this requires alcohol. Listening to it at work is going to put me to sleep.
BayhSexual: If you have an office, de-pants.
Not_So_Much: …I actually heard they have her on a leash and chain in cellar like a rabid pit-bull.
Gawd how many of these party small-wigs get to speak?
Holy shit, it sounds like there are twelve people at the convention center. Way to get excited, Dems!
BayhSexual: so you can watch the convention? What kind of weirdo are you?
DoctorCulturae: …in my book he justified his entire existence with this one interview.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMMklhX74_w
I’m thinking that there are exactly zero kids who grew up saying, “Some day, I want to be on the DNC Rules Committee!” That translates roughly to DNC hall monitor, right?
…it looks like Chris Mathews comb-over is trying to fight back!
Dame Edna Everage is a surprise addition to the speaking roster but she’s doing ok.
Voyou Charmant: I especially loved the part where he slipped into binary code.
Anyone have a real schedule of this thing…like with actual timing of speeches and stuff? Michelle’s great and all, but I don’t think I can manage hours and hours of Wolf Blitzer just for that.
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah that was one of the youtubes of the year so far.
The Bitters, as a group, are not very attractive. They need to stop panning the camera around and put up a Hopey and Michelle slideshow.
AngryBlakGuy: Touche. I remember it. He’s just so bumbling. What happens if you put him and Biden together? Gaffe-mania.
…TURN TO MSNBC CHRIS MATHEWS COMB-OVER LOOKS LIKE ITS ABOUT TO FUKKIN TAKE OFF!!!
Godless Sodomites.
SkimLatteModerate: Ugh. Watch C-span or something else. W.Blister announces every story as if it’s the 2nd coming. He’s exhausting.
10 minutes of live blogging? You guys need to get your shit together!
Can we hear a “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HOOOOOOOOOO” from Dean?
Delicious: OMFG, so true.
Meh, dancing. I think I’ll just drink myself to sleep as usual.
“3:10 PM — The kids are singing, and it’s the Natural Anthem! (The actual singing kids are in a dumpster behind Pepsi Center.)”
Is that a dig at the Olympics lip-synching, or are you referring to singing fetuses that Obama is further decimating with a baseball bat?
McCaine has some zombies wanting a daddy and a nut saying Hopey’s a muzzy. Now Matthews is on fire!!!1!
…please tell me that I’m not the only one watching this PUMA embarrassing herself on Hard Ball?!?!?!
Poor Nancy looks so lost up there. Is Dean ever going to STFU?
AngryBlakGuy: You are not alone. Them’s some bitter Bitterz. Ooh-wee.
OG. Nancy Pelosi looks like she should be on the cover of the Sgt Pepper’s album.
Introducing teh womenz, with lead singer Pelosi, now. Seriously, what’s the point in introducing a bunch of “female firsts” if they aren’t going to bust a move or do some serious karaoke?
Gopherit v2.0: Never.
Scary Republican blonde women protesters screaming to MSNBC about Obama going to a Muslim school. This is going to take more bourbon than I originally thought.
AngryBlakGuy: Can’t wait to watch it when I get home. The MSNBC live feed doesn’t have Tweety’s commentarty…..just the convention. Damn this is boring.
I wonder how much xanax Nancy Pelosi has in her system right now.
One thing is for sure though — she will not remember any of this.
Madame Parlimentarian has big time helmet hair. Seriously. Like, Darth Vader want his ‘do back.
Well I’m sorry I’m missing this. Okay, not really — there’ll be plenty more left when I get home. But on the whole I find the RNC’s permanent fugue state to be sort of captivating.
The crowd-shots are hilarious, she may as well be delivering a speech to a garage full of cats.
This is like a combination of the MDA Telethon and the Oscars hosted by pathetic weenies. This is going to be really hard to watch sober.
JeffGoldblum: We can be certain that no one will remember any of it. What a wonderful waste of assfucking money.
Okay. Sneaking out of the office. I really, really, really hope they don’t introduce the second assistant to the committee for membership and appointments before I get home!
That guy is GAY? Wow, my Gadar totally failed me.
Landstander: KevoTron: Alright, let’s make a night of it. You know how to find me on Facebook, of course? Anyone else in Seattle?
Gopherit v2.0: I just like to celebrate my freedom in the freest feeling way possible
DoctorCulturae: …they dont have 2 brain cell between them!
SayItWithWookies: Yep. Are there Dems planning on infiltrating the lockdown that will be Minnpls.?
BayhSexual: Oh, well, when you put it that way.
Who is this evil wolverine of a woman?
OCogito Ergo Bibo: I am afraid. Has the service checked her hair for bombs? Keep her away from Barry. Also, I’m gonna need more booze.
DoctorCulturae: MSNBC live feed it is. But I have a feeling Wolf is slightly less boring than these speeches all teh networks were conveniently avoiding.
AngryBlakGuy: Fervent gnashing of their shark-like teeth. Eek!
And btw, I want Rachel M. to have my children.
Gopherit v2.0: …trust me their stupidity is not only epic but a instant Youtube classic. I’m calling it now!
Rachel, baby, I say this with love….do you not have gay boys? Are you wearing your fucking docs with that pseudo-denim suit? It’s the convention for fuck’s sake. There IS a gay boy there and he WILL do your hair, honey.
DoctorCulturae: Besides the vegan anarchists who will be herded into a free-speech zone and tear-gassed, probably not. I’ll be relying on our Wonkette overlords for vicarious psychosis — as usual.
Oh, now that’s fucked up. Matt’s doing voices! Have you seen this fucking commercial? It’s quite possibly more disturbing that that droid’s hair.
I don’t watch much teevee, so I’ve never previously seen this Susan Malveaux cutie. I’ve got the CNN on here at work for now and I’d could see her doing girl-on-girl w/Liz Phair.
Please?
Patricia Madrid looks like the Joker.
What’s with all of the cowboy hats?
SayItWithWookies: Could be, but why can’t we have Dems acting out too?
On another front, I wonder what news will be dumped/hijacked this week… ugh, Cindy going to Georgia?
Okay… Rachel has got to be press secry in an O cabinet.
Note to Rachel Maddow’s makeup people: Chill the fuck out.
Every time I see Nancy Pelosi speak, I expect her to pull out a parakeet and start munching away.
DoctorCulturae: Dick Cheney singlehandedly beating the Caucasus into submission. Actually, Air Force 2’s gonna be loaded down with nukes on this trip — that should be some fun.
Gopherit v2.0: It’s Denver. They all think they’re vaqueros or whatever.
” . . . Now we move to the report of the catering committee, and to introduce this, here’s the deputy co-chair of catering, Phil Sandwich, who has been an outstanding catering committee deputy co-chair for many years in his native north-west, and we’re very grateful to have him here. . .”
edgydrifter: A vaquero in a red sequin hat??
SayItWithWookies: We don’t need nukes when we have Dick. Such is the state of our Republic.
TGY: Dick Cheney > Chuck Norris?
Musacked “California Dreamin’”?? That was very close to my breaking point.
Congressman Chewbacca from California is talking. He is no longer hirsute.
Cayate, Windbags!
Gopherit v2.0: Yeah, like a guacho, but gayer. Perhaps a gaycho?
Gopherit v2.0: Well, since Chuck failed to karate-chop Hucks into the Rep nominee, I’d say Dick’s kung-fu is superior. Or perhaps it’s chi or qi or feng shui or whatevs. Chuck’s yin is smaller than Dick’s yang, which is pretty apparent.
edgydrifter: And the republicans claim the Big Tent.
Okay. Muzaked “I’m a Believer” is more than I can stand. Time of death (of the Convention), 5pm MST.
The Godfather of Hope is ON.
The music is so terrible you wish for speeches instead. Didn’t see that coming.
Jim Webb sounds exactly like Lt. Dangle from Reno 911! Awesome!
Oooo. Illinois Atty General Lisa Madigan is HAWT!
I’m sick of Obama and his false “hope”! He doesn’t have the real experience to lead. I supported Hillary Clinton, and now I’m voting for John McCain, because he can stand up–
Yeah, I could probably say that with a straight face. I’m off to Denver and gonna get me some laid by the PUMAS.
RuperttheBear: At what price to your soul, man.
Gopherit v2.0: Gay vaquero.
It’s nice to see some of these Bitters getting badly needed exercise during the song breaks between speeches.
RuperttheBear: PUMA - They’re the kind of cougars you don’t want to sleep with.
What? Dean didn’t grab-ass one of the cute choir kids? Fucking elitist.
Tomorrow’s Fox Newts’ Headline: “Howard Dean Cooly Ignores Republican Family Values.”
I’m bored. Bring on Mayor Hickenlooper again so we can giggle at his name.
So you know what I’m thinking about now? How many Hillary Clinton Impersonators are bitters. And are they showing up to the convention?
Apparently there are a few.
http://www.hillarylookalike.com/
http://www.gigmasters.com/Impersonator/HillaryClintonImpersonator_Wisconsin.asp
This is definitely Wonkette feature material.
P.S. Hopey’s is horrible. http://www.lookalike.com/lookalikes/barack-obama.htm
Nothing like a panel discussion on the economy to liven things up. Christ!
Gopherit v2.0: Don’t worry, here’s the rest of tonight’s line-up, according to msnbc:
Margie Perez
New Orleans jazz singer & song writer from Musicians Village
President Jimmy Carter Segment
Jimmy Carter/New Orleans Video
Acknowledgment of President Carter
Maya Soetoro-Ng
Half-sister of Barack Obama
High School teacher
The Honorable Jesse Jackson, Jr.
Member of the US House of Representatives, Illinois
Mike Fisher & Cheryl Fisher – Beech Grove, Indiana
Mike – Amtrak tech & Cheryl – hospital tech (hosted Obama for lunch)
Tom Balanoff
President, SEIU Local 1 (Chicago)
Senator Edward M. Kennedy Tribute
The Honorable Miguel Del Valle
City Clerk of Chicago, Illinois
Candi Schmieder
Delegate Chair, Iowa County Convention
Jerry Kellman
Hired & supervised Obama at Developing Communities Project - Chicago, Illinois
Introduction of Jim Leach by The Honorable Tom Harkin
US Senator, Iowa
The Honorable Jim Leach
Former Republican Member of the US House of Representatives, 1st District, Iowa
Introduction of Claire McCaskill
by Austin Esposito
Son of Senator McCaskill
The Honorable Claire McCaskill
US Senator, Missouri
Video - Michelle Obama Package
Introduction to the Michelle Obama Package
Craig Robinson
Older brother of Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama
Wife of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama
Benediction
Don Miller -Portland, Oregon
Best-selling author & public speaker focusing on Christian spirituality
Recess
The Honorable Kathleen Sebelius
Governor of Kansas
Nancy Pelosi will never be able to distract people from her breasts. Ever.
wow. Nancy Pelosi is a really mediocre public speaker.
SuperRounder: You sure? I could wake up at night screaming if I thought there was a changes those flaccid funbags might be flashed at me. That’s pretty distracting…..to me.
SuperRounder: No kidding…. Is she talking?
…tele-prompter much Nancy?!
golly. thank god all Americans think they’re middle-class, otherwise all of this fussing over its health would be pissing more than a few people off. AMURKA!
Gopherit v2.0: If you’re a boob guy, you’d have to stop and check those out. They’re huge, that’s all I’m sayin’.
DoctorCulturae: I am VERY happy I de-pantsed.
…Anne Curry’s head looked massive in that shot.
…Nancy Pelosi minus 12 years might have been a cougar.
a hula hoop and a 2′x4′? seriously, this Perez lady will give you the what-fucking-for.
wheelie: You left out the rest of the phone book.
S.Luggo: It’s exhausting to read, let alone watch.
Ann Curry continues to deliver mixed messages saying “you look wonderful Preznit Carter” all the while her behavior telegraphs “wow, you are looking old.”
uh-oh. Rachel & P. Buttanan… Go get’em Rachel…
Nancy Pelosi in her white spacesuit from Fruitville USA.
I’m on my first gin and tonic, turned off the teevee to watch YOU
DoctorCulturae: Poor Ann. That gal is hopeless.
Caroline Kennedy for Vepp!
Pass the Hendrick’s
The best cookies and the best laffs are at Uncle Teddys
Woooooooooooooo!!!!!!
http://timesonline.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/01/28/kennedy.jpg
…those of you who want to see the bat-shit crazy “Clinton” supporters embarrass themselves on national TV. Dont watch this unless you had ATLEAST 3 drinks! You have been warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBfzk_syFTc
Why did they let Gene Wang and Bill Hopkins’ Rockin Orchestra (”Hillary 4 U and Me”) record the bumps? Why?
why does C-SPAN keep showing The Black Delegate’s face?
I thought there were two, not including Cornel West.
Ted Kennedy is in the house!
AngryBlakGuy: Pure excruciating torture the first time. I didn’t think I could withstand such pain twice. Ah the humanity.
Senator Tom Harkin makes a terrible fake deaf person. Why does he hate disabled Merkins?! They may think this is funny in Iowa, but not out here in the hills of Bitters.
Meh
DoctorCulturae: …I have never wanted to pistol whip someone more than after watching that clip.
AngryBlakGuy: Wow, those are some stupid bitches. A. The main one talking needs some fucking conditioner. B. It is amazing how stupid they are. C. I am dumber just from hearing them speak. D. Conditioner, Jesus.
OMG! Craig Robinson (Michelle’s brother) just yelled, “Go Beavers!” Did he mean Hils, or is he tweaking lil sis?
villageatrois: The Brearly all girl uber power pre school in New York. They’re the Brearly Beavers. No shit. My wife is one.
I have no idea about Michelle Obama. Is she from Oregon?
COMMENT ON JULI WIENER’S POST OR THEY’LL MAKE HER EAT STEEL WOOL AND other things.
If they would listen to Howard, they’d schedule the convention in Bangkok. No need to truck in as many ho’s. Just sayin’….think “fiscal responsibility”…. (and, please, no cheap cracks using “fistal”..)