The downtown Sheraton in Denver was handing out WOODEN key cards, made of WOOD, as part of the Democrats’ secret plan to embarrass themselves in front of the nation with their deliriously impractical solutions to such urgent problems as America’s overreliance on plastic hotel key cards. Of course these wooden key cards did not work right and clerks had to give people plastic cards so that they could actually get into their rooms. Next thing you know, we will be hearing that the DNC-endorsed woven hemp condoms for local courtesans weren’t such a hot idea either. [New York Sun]
IMPORTANT NEWS FROM THE ANTI-WOOD LOBBY
August 25, 2008
DNC Hotel Shocker: Wooden Key Cards Suck
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{ 63 comments }
Wooden magnetic strips don’t work?
That’s unpossible!
The condoms work great if you can work up enough friction to set them smoking.
Ahh, gricklegrass.
You guys just weren’t using them correctly! You’re supposed to rub two of them together until you can burn the door down. DUH.
Somebody is just giving Fox news a chance to run the headline: “Democrats Sport Wood in Denver.”
“puting the wood to her” takes on a whole new meaning
Europeans can get these to work no problem.
Man, can the Dems sound any gayer? They need to pound whiskey and eat fresh babies like the republitards do, so they too can be porcine, bloated, macho douchebags..
Oh, like you hate hemp condoms…
Maybe they should rethink the recycled mouthwash.
[re=68345]wx insider[/re]: I was going to say “I’ve got wood”, but yours works too.
So, they wasted some wood to make keycards when the plastic ones are already available? Brilliant!
Wood? What next, carved metal trinkets you have to turn inside a metal orb to gain access to you room? Witchcraft.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Isn’t the Lorax supporting McCain? http://whospeaksforthewho.blogspot.com/2007/05/wilford-brimley-lorax.html
I like the kind with stems and seeds for her pleasure.
all that wood and no slots to stick it in… sad
…lemme get this straight, to emphasize our dependence on plastics(oil based I assume) some rocket scientist decides to clear cut a couple acres of rain forest to make key card?! Makes perfect sense to me!!! *face in palm*
Hey DNC fuckheads! Here’s a sustainable idea!!
Leave the fucking doors unlocked.
TA DA!
Stupid dems. A thneed is a thing that everyone needs!
[re=68366]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: What’s worse, every single one of those trees could have given us 40 barrels of oil. A tragic loss.
This is what happens when you believe your own bullshit.
They just need a little piggy to build one out of bricks, and it’ll all work out.
I used my condom to pick my lock.
…Wait, I probably shouldn’t be admitting that.
[re=68370]Tybalt[/re]: Fuck ya.
Win.
Once you go truffula…
Could have been worse, the Downtown Sheraton scrapped the plan for gasoline filled water beds and candles.
Those “wooden” key cards were actually slices of Bill Clinton’s pecker.
…hemp condoms? Well atleast you would have something else to smoke after sex other than cigarettes. Do they come in Menthol?
I assume they were using wood because it’s more environmentally friendly? Can’t you recycle plastic key-cards?
Fuckers. You guys are pussies too. You should all just leave your doors unlocked and fight the anarchists and fox anchors who come down your hall asking if you love freedom.
I reiterate: pussies.
In Saint Paul, the Repub’s hotel rooms will all have “Protected by Smity & Wesson” stickers on them.
I can see the headline now: “Hemp Condoms: Edwards Environmental Concerns Responsible for Love Child”
A clerk said they were now handing out one of each and suggested that the wooden one could kept as a souvenir.
Nothing says “I went to the Democratic Convention” like a little wood in your pants.
From teh Fox website:
In order to steal some of the limelight from the Democrats’ environmentally-friendly convention initiatives, which included wooden room keys and “green” campaign materials, Republicans decided to go one better and make their convention stage backdrop from the eco-friendly recycled skin of Iraqi orphans. The 90-foot by 120-foot skin curtain is hand-painted by the youngest residents of Abu Graihb in a festive American flag motif combining smiley faces, happy soldiers and whimsical tiger cages.
Republican presidential nominee John McCain stated, “This backdrop is a perfect metaphor for our all-American, Republican family values. We’ve got a giant American flag which has been tanned and painted by the children of Iraq, our Middle-Eastern beacon of democracy. ‘Waste not, want not’ as they say, and taking a cue from that cute Jack Johnson song from the monkey cartoon, we’re ‘Reducing, Reusing and Recycling” the no-longer-used skin from sub-adult insurgents recently freed from the heavy yoke of life in Iraq.”
When asked about the various small perforations in the backdrop, Sen. McCain stated that “they left open the eye holes, mouths, buttholes, bulletholes, power drill holes and shrapnel wounds to help tell the story of the glorious victory we’re about to achieve in Iraq. Also, those open orifices keep the curtain from flapping around in the breeze. This is a convention souvenir I’ll be proud to hang in my third ranch house in the Hamptons… or maybe the Dubai house. Or, instead, maybe I’ll have the inside of Air Force One reupholstered with it… once I’m officially the president, of course.”
[re=68378]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …well those were still better than the idea to replace the toilet tissue paper with 30 grit sandpaper!
But were these wooden keys organically grown and processed locally, by DNC convention standards?
Now for sure I’m not voting, both parties are full of douchebags.
[re=68380]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Sorry, they only come in patchouli.
[re=68394]Big Al1317[/re]:
A Fresh Perspective on Politics….?
yeah…i know…..
Hemp condoms rule!
[re=68387]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “the wooden one could kept as a souvenir.”
Security alert! You could pull off the magnetic strip, stick it on a piece of plastic, and open room doors. The people actually in charge of opening room doors never imagined such a thing….
Yeah, the Healthy Forests Restoration Act, don’t you remember? Passed by Congress, signed by the Great Woodchopper from Crawford. It regulated that trees west of the Mississippi – I hear tell that’s where America’s trees have fled – are to be restored by being made into useful products and made available to American and overseas consumers.
You East coast types will be surprised to see the ingenuity with which wood is now being utilized: shoes, automobiles, headgear, dollar bills (worth 76 cents at last count), natural gas pipelines, rifles, bridges, marital aids, and yes, hotel keys, too.
Hemp condoms: Thatched for her pleasure.
[re=68336]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: No, the THC in the condoms gets your sperm stoned. They stop swimming towards the uterus and look for cheetos and a couch.
This is only an intermediate step until they implement DNA recognition, whereupon you’ll have to pee into the lock. Might be tricky for those with poor aim.
[re=68467]TGY[/re]: Now that’s sustainability we can count on.
Sarah, do you smoke? That thing might be made out of hemp and hashish. Try holding a lighter under it and sniff the fumes.
Don’t be too hard on them. At least they are trying to show some ingenuity even though this cut against the grain for most dems.
But true to republican values, the wooden keys were probably made by 9 year-old Chinese kids for 3 cents a piece.
Why not go all the way and insist on room keys made of flint?
[re=68478]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Or out of old growth redwood.
[re=68341]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: That would only bring attention to the fact that most GOP candidates couldn’t sport wood without the help of large quantities of pharmaceuticals.
If the condom situation is not addressed, they risk to worsen the shortage of Democratic male pols without out-of-the-wedlock kids and prostitution issues.
[re=68345]wx insider[/re]: Is that like “You want me to bring you up a bucket of ice?”
[re=68493]dearest[/re]: I wondered why Mrs Schafely and Ms Coulter were running around with pins at the Walgreens yesterday.
I say I say I say . . . My hotel gave me a wooden key for my door!
And what happened?
It wooden work!
Tum-kish!
Cute. However, this just in:
“RNC To Fill Their Convention Balloons With Freon.”
[re=68497]Obamaton[/re]: There you go.
[re=68498]wheelie[/re]: Oh, God. On the other hand, I salute you, sort of.
[re=68377]LittlePig[/re]: Thneed hotel keys everyone needs!
I try to be a Twice-ler, I really, really do!
[re=68498]wheelie[/re]:
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
[re=68388]FalconerHK[/re]: Bravo! I especially like leaving the bulletholes, etc., in the skin curtain to tell the story of the “glorious victory we’re about to achieve in Iraq.”
[re=68878]donner_froh[/re]: Thank you for that! I will use that in future.
The Denver police haven’t chased away the hookers? Or is Obama’s native Indonesia providing exotic immigrant hookers? I haven’t tried it myself, but others tell me Indo girls have special abilities….
Zhu Bajie
[re=68384]WadISay[/re]: Gun manufacture hasn’t been out-sourced? Probably Smith&Wessen is now made in China!
Zhu Bajie
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