Wonkette
First the suspicious package, now this. By Tuesday, Steve Doocey will be rappelling in to personally mace Hillary Clinton onstage. [Denver Post]
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITIES
The only reason the sprinklers went off? Fawx Newz is on FIRE bitches.
Are the Fox people as mature as a bunch of 8-year-old boys? Were they giggling ad snorting to themselves as the punk’d those meanie democrats? Was this to avenge Griff’s harsh treatment?
Actually, Sara, I bet the Doocey will land via a jetpack and then start dry-humping her leg…you know, like James Bond.
Bill O’Reilly loofah’d himself so hard he started a fire.
Details! Details!
Do you not believe in freedom? DO YOU NOT?
I guess you can’t put out fires by shouting “Don’t you believe in freedom?” at them.
Don’t the sprinkler systems love freedom?
I say for the GOP convention in MN, the Dems get a few bull elephants and just let ‘em loose inside the convention hall. Oh, and make sure it’s their “frisky” time of year so they’re extra pissy.
Obama set the sprinklers off by smoking in the boys’ room.
…Sara can we get a footnote at the bottom of every post, updating us to how many drink you guys have had?
SayItWithWookies: “I’m still….so….DIRTY! No matter how hard I scrub, my liver spots won’t go away! *SOB* We’ll do it LIVE!!!”
By Tuesday, Steve Doocey will be rappelling in to personally mace Hillary Clinton onstage.
You say that like its a bad thing.
When the sprinklers go off at the Pepsi Center what comes out? Tap water or Aquafina?
ManchuCandidate: Early reports are sketchy, but I’m hearing that one of the Fucks News-ers had just started talking when their pants spontaneously ignited and set off the sprinklers.
They’re doing a big “Singing in the Rain” dance number as lead in to the story.
To steal Bobcat’s line:
This is the first time that “Fox News” and “on fire” have been used in the same sentence.
AngryBlakGuy: I think that’s what the cryptic little “08″ at the end of the message in the image is. I appreciate the fact that they’re using a two-digit number for the updates, and I hope that they can break into three digits before Thursday.
They’re trying to sexy up the convention by getting the wet t-shirt shot. Fair and Balanced and more strippers working a pole than any other news network.
When the sprinklers go off at the Pepsi Center what comes out? Tap water or Aquafina?
They tap into the massive Crystal Pepsi Aquifer under Colorado Springs. (Hence the “springs”).
The water just wanted its freedom. Thank GOD Fux was able to grant it.
AngryBlakGuy: I want to see a detailed inventory of the types of drinks consumed. If it’s only wine coolers and other convention fare, I’m going to be very underwhelmed. Biden has a 2-tequila-shot minimum.
Did anyone see the clips of Douchey this AM with cheerleaders and Hooters girls? I doubt either of those tools has ever had a conversation, (much less actual secks), with a woman..nauseating.
Cape Clod: What’s the difference?
snig: Oh lordy — I’ll bet those pray-for-rain nuts are gonna declare victory now. They’re all high on power after lowering gas prices.
loudmouthredhead: Would that make him Lady MacReilly?
Did they soap the cars, too? TP the trees? Burning doggie-doo bags?
Fox thought they’d rid the world of democrats once and for all when they had a priest bless all of the water in the sprinkler system. They were disappointed when their holy water system did not make the convention-goers ignite in righteous flames. Keep trying, soldiers of teh lawd!
—- Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton and Pa. Gov. Ed Rendell “will have a Pee Wee Reese moment” at the convention, says Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr —
A baseball fan, I see.
BTW: Who the hell invited Cornel West??
loudmouthredhead: …nah, Biden looks more like Scotch Whiskey kinda guy.
Tybalt: …good eyes there buddy! But a BAL of .08 is nothing, that would barely qualify as “tipsy”. They need to get in between the sweet spots of “why is the world spinning” and “where the fukk are my pants”. And for those of you that don’t speak drunk that is a BAL between .16 and .22.
By the way, the long-range forecast for Thursday is sunny and hot, with no chance of precipitation. Soon to be official : GOD HATES FOCUS UP THE FAMILY.
S.Luggo: Cornel West is people.
Over at the Al-Jazeera live blog:
وهذا الحزب هو قنبلة!
S.Luggo: Free Kwame!
Tybalt: You mean the sodomites won’t be wet? How the fuck else are they going to find lubrication?
S.Luggo: I believe Cornel West is the name that Tavis Smiley gave to his imaginary friend. Bonus money quote from Cornel West : “chickens are interesting individuals with personalities and interests every bit as developed as the dogs and cats with whom many of us share our lives.”
Delicious: Translation : WHO LIKES SHORT SHORTS!?
OT
Is anyone else made uneasy by the fact that the girl in the Oxford shirt ad is wearing what appear to be the purple slacks from the American Apparel ad, cut off to make shorts out of them? What has happened to the girl wearing the slacks?
Tybalt: I certainly don’t.
shortsshortsshorts: Apparently the DNC are in talks with the Pepsi Center to fill the sprinkler system with Astroglide. O’Reilly was just jumping the gun on the official test.
The incident was only in Fox’s skybox and didn’t affect any other part of the Pepsi Center. Focus On The Family prays for rain, God responds by flooding Fox’s skybox. Fucking brilliant!
Tybalt: You mean “Fuck us up teh Family”?
Is G. Gordon Liddy still a Faux contributor? I’m sure he could give Faux some special “plumbing” tips.
shortsshortsshorts: Laura Ingraham is hot. As in “vaginal dryness creates friction” hot.
SayItWithWookies: Well, the prayer seems to have worked - selectvely. God apparently has a sense of humor and loves Barack Obama.
Crapola: So they’re all stuck in a high-rise aquarium?
“Hey kids, look! Those there are what we call Red(state) Snappers. They like to swim together to appear more fearsome than they really are, and have very tiny brains, despite their huge mouths!”
Crapola: Damn, was this caught on live TV or video feed?
Too bad the sprinklers didn’t spray acid on Fox and Friends.
RuperttheBear: Funny, I think Ann Coulter had the same problem! No wonder she’s so cranky.
I mean look at her.
Laura Ingraham, I mean.
Cape Clod: There’s a difference?
Did E.D. Hill melt?
ReverendGreen: Bullshit doesn’t melt when you pour water on it, just sugar does.
llyn: I’m at ease as long as the guy with the mustache is gone. The former owner of the purple slacks has shared with Oxford shirt, and is now lounging about in purple legwarmers.
Delicious: Don’t you mean this? http://www.denverpost.com/popular/ci_10281145?source=pop_neighbors_coloradosprings
No matter. They were serving kosher hot-dogs anyway.
And the-guy-who’s-not-Steve-Doocey will don ninja gear and hang out on the ceiling in various men’s rooms.
Tybalt: Then her fat ass must have melted.
O/T ***NOTE TO PROTESTORS WHEN FOX NEWS GOES INTO YOUR MARCH*** - you have bullhorns people, USE THEM and blow into each of Griff Jenkins’ ears. Oh my god imagine if he went deaf? Nice.
Not really folks - he’s a serious man with a serious career ( http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,281473,00.html )
And the-guy-who’s-not-Steve-Doocey will don ninja gear and hang out on the ceiling in various men’s rooms.
sanantonerose: Men’s room shenanigans are so Minneapolis.
Mace will not be needed. There are both trap doors and spring loaded launch pads strategically placed around the stage. Amy Klobuchar will be waxing philospohic about unity, then wham!!! She’ll be 15 rows deep in the Montana delegation. Jimmy Carter will be trap doored into the bottomless pit underneath Denver. Fox News thought of everything.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
It’s all right there in the link….the Joint Information Center is due to open, says the Denver Post. The Federales need to stock their joint supply and how else would they do it but by shipping via the national bus system, the most efficient mode of transportation in the universe.
“Rendered safe” simply meas they opened the 500 pound baggie…hence the “loud pop heard in the area at about 3:45 a.m.”…and then it was dragged down the street and up the stairwell to the JIC (no elevators west of the Mississippi, see Section XII, Homeland Security Act.)
The herb will be used as plants in the pockets of selected Obama superdelegates. By Wednesday, the Hillary-Lieberman ticket will be a done deal.
Thank God for the Post’s “Live Reports from The Denver Post”, without which our good folks in uniform could not protect us from such uppity outbreaks of terrorism as “Angela bassett using iphone at mezcal” (although that’s actually “using mescaline at iPhone store”), “Putting the caffeine in the DNC” and “Questioner says six U.S. presidents, including Thomas Jefferson, had “enough black blood in their ancestry to be considered black.”
CALL OUT THE NATIONAL GUARD!!!
oh…..never mind
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: JamesMichaelCurley:
Tap water is free, Aquafina costs a $1.39 for twelve ounces. It makes having a fire a very expensive proposition.
RuperttheBear: During the tape Laura Ingraham, the Elena Ceauşescu of Fox News, complains that she sees dead people lurking outside her studio door.
What disturbed is that they all looked Mexican.
Gee, the Freedom Cage looks kinda fun!
“the finest stainless steel cages and patented feeder system combination in the world!”
http://www.freedomcage.com/
Re-create ‘68 has had too profound an effect on the Wayback Machine; the convention is re-creating ‘48! A Machine Democrat (Truman) had the nod wrapped up and chose a guy from a middle state (Alben Barkley of Kentucky) as his running mate.
Then young Hubert Humphrey, mayor of Minneapolis, made a speech for civil rights and caused Strom Thurmond and the Dixiecrats to walk out (who will make the speech that prompts the Hillary skedaddle?). Meanwhile, Ralph Nader is doing a weak made-for-television remake of the Henry Wallace role, to Ralph’s credit minus the Guru stuff.
1948 was a wild and crazy political year, but remember: Harry won.
loudmouthredhead: What? Priests? Fundies hate Catholics!
Crapola: Hey, yeah! Maybe prayer does work, after all!
Geez….
Fox News thinks people not wanting to speak to their reporters is a “free speech issue”. What don’t they understand about not wanting to associate with losers?
“A suspicious package found early this morning near Civic Center was “rendered safe” by authorities.”
Thank God they were able to blow up that dangerous Mad Dog 20/20 bottle containing gnarly wino backwash residue. We are SAVED!
“The key to the Clinton game,” says Dick Morris, “is that they understood, from the beginning, that Obama would not name Hillary to be his VP. They realized that she had far too much baggage and that they came as a package and Bill certainly had too much. They knew that the bad blood between the two camps was such that it was highly unlikely that she would be on the ticket.” The Clinton objective is twofold: make sure no other woman is nominated; stop Obama from winning. Fact is, Hillary’s the best thing that ever happened to the RNC, and to Barack Obama for that matter: http://theseedsof9-11.com
loudmouthredhead: Get them drunk! I’ve always liked the idea of politicians trampled by drunken elephants!
Zhu Bajie
Make Hill ambassador to Bourkina Faso, Bill ambassador to Cambodia. They can each have a lot of fun sepately.