WILD CONJECTURE  9:34 pm August 22, 2008

JACK REED (THE RHODE ISLAND SENATOR) IS OBAMA VEEP CHOICE?!

by Ken Layne

Why not?Well, who the hell knows, but we have it on very good authority — an email sent to your editor, who is not named “Chris” — that Rhode Island senior senator Jack Reed will become Obama’s running mate, officially, in the next few hours or at least by tomorrow morning. Why some Eastern senator from a make-believe state? Because he’s a Military Hero, get it?

See that little picture, of Barack and Jack in the Middle East just cold travelin’? That’s from Obama’s Flickr set about his big trip abroad! In fact, Barack picked that very pic to ID the whole set, and you know you always pick the most important photo for that spot.

Chris–

Obama’s pick is Jack Reed. The Secret Service are began protection on Reed in the last 24 hours and have been crawling around Rhode Island since yesterday.

The Bayh, Biden, etc names are just a smokescreen. If you want to look like a genius, start mentioning Reed, since nobody else seems to have a clue right now. The decision was all but finalized after the Iraq trip and Reed’s voting record on Iraq/national security, and his war record fit perfectly.

And if nothing else, maybe you can buy some Jack Reed on Intrade.

It’s boring enough to be true, and Reed isn’t hounded by scandal he isn’t a look-at-me motor mouth like, say, Bill Richardson or Joe Biden. Here’s the relevant biographical stuff:

After graduating from West Point and receiving an active duty commission in the United States Army, Reed attended the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University where he received a Masters of Public Policy. Reed, an Army Ranger and a paratrooper, served in the 82nd Airborne Division as an Infantry Platoon Leader, a Company Commander, and a Battalion Staff Officer. He returned to West Point in 1978 as an Associate Professor in the Department of Social Sciences.

There you go. For this race — for these remaining 10 weeks of desperate fighting over the 5% of registered voters who still have no idea who they’re voting for, or who’s running, or what country they live in — it’s all about giving Obama a nice scandal-free military crutch to lean on when McCain’s people scream “POW” all day long every day.

Not only is Reed a war hero who managed to not crash, again, and get captured by village children, but Reed also grew up in a working class family where people actually worked. Reed’s dad was a World War II vet and school janitor. And instead of “graduating” at the bottom of his class because no teachers wanted to get fired for flunking Aristocrat McNasty, Reed was an excellent student and went on to be a professor at West Point.

Here’s what the Wall Street Journal‘s Washington editor wrote about Reed just last month:

If you were to construct the ideal Democrat to engage Republicans in debate over Iraq, he might look something like this:

He would be a military veteran with real experience, maybe even a West Point man. He would have opposed the war against Iraq originally, and maybe even have cast a vote against the war to prove it. But since then, he would have devoted himself to making the exercise a success, becoming an expert on U.S. policy and what is happening on the ground.

Hey, wait. There is just such a Democrat out there. He is Sen. Jack Reed of Rhode Island. And he was at Sen. Barack Obama’s side Monday touring around Baghdad. All of which raises an intriguing question: Is there a chance he also could be at Sen. Obama’s side as vice-presidential running mate?

And here are more Jack Reed Military Hero in the Middle East pictures from the his Senate photo galleries.

So, like we said, what the hell? Nobody knows anything. But our mysterious tipster “Dan A.” will be the smartest guy around if his left-field prediction is true.

 
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{ 59 comments }

mattbolt August 22, 2008 at 9:42 pm

I wish I was enough of a political wonk that I could willingly spend days finding out for myself who the Veep was gonna be by dissecting clues and hints like a charmingly cryptic Hardy Boys mystery instead of just doing something else for a few hours and waiting for the actual announcement. Maybe one day.

Texan Bulldoggette August 22, 2008 at 9:43 pm

I like that sentence “Download high resolution photos of Senator Reed.” Just thinking I don’t need to see his backside in high resolution. That being said, it needs to be someone who can tell Walnuts, ‘I see your POW & raise with [insert appropriate response here] dead wife, baby/not a complete doofus/not a complete asshole/only have 1 house/etc.’

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 9:47 pm

A few weeks ago I was sure it was going to be Reed. Then I wasn’t. Now I’m thinking it is again. I’d be happy with him. Or Biden, really.

As a kid, I always sucked at finding my Christmas presents, too, so this is pretty consistent for me.

cal August 22, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Wake me up when it’s over.

SayItWithWookies August 22, 2008 at 9:51 pm

See, this is what happens when you whip a mob into a frenzy and then give them nothing. Soon someone’ll see an image of Joe Biden in her toast, and then Wesley Clark in a tree stump, and then it’ll be Kathleen Sebelius in a cloud formation. We’re losing our perspective here, people. let’s all take some saltpeter — and if that doesn’t work, let’s go outside and catch a chupacabra with our bare hands, then beat it to death with a horse femur and grill it at midnight and howl at the moon. Um — or just watch the Olympics or something.

SkimLatteModerate August 22, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Not quite a “bet my life savings” worthy tip, but Reed is a helluva bargain.

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 9:56 pm

I was talking this shit up this morning. Now the Obama people start listening? Okay, I can play this game. Ahem:

Dear Obama campaign,

Good call with Jack Reed. Now your next best decision is to put several bottles of wine and some Taco Bell in my belly at your soonest convenience.

–ForTheTurnstiles

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 9:57 pm

[re=67180]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Wait… I’ve been seeing Joe Biden in my toast most every morning for a couple of years now. Are you saying that’s not normal?

AngryBlakGuy August 22, 2008 at 9:57 pm

…JACK FUKKIN REED!!! I’m ENTIRELY too drunk to deal with shenanigans like this!!!

tiny mexican August 22, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Aw man… I was really looking forward to the Mittens/Biden debate, can we still make him the Secretary of Zingers?

JuiceMe August 22, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Olympics are on? Oh, where have I been for the last month…

I’m not afraid to jump on the new bandwagon for Jack Reed. Then I can say I told you so to a billion people exactly 12 hours from now. Ha!

WhatTheHeck August 22, 2008 at 9:59 pm

Even now, the McCain campaigners are planning their next ad telling us Jack Reed was a coward.
That he didn’t do 5 1/2 years in a N.V. dungeon, so no way can he be a patriot.
Probably visited Germany and Hawaii too. And he’s an elitist if Obama picked him.

JuiceMe August 22, 2008 at 9:59 pm

Jump on the new Reed bandwagon. The sooner you get on, the sooner you can say I told you so to a billion people exactly 12 hours from now.

1ofUS August 22, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Jack Reed is anagrammatic for Jerked Cad, which is good enough for me.

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Dan A. is a hack. An email from Rachel M., I might believe.

This Jack Reed fellow seems like a cross between James Stockdale and Jack Reed.

SayItWithWookies August 22, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=67188]Larry McAwful[/re]: Only if you have the Craftsman toaster with the Joe Biden heating element.

Voted for Mondale August 22, 2008 at 10:01 pm

Ouch – take that “Five Plane” McCain!!

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:04 pm

[re=67190]tiny mexican[/re]: Mittens/Biden debate? What? No way! After five minutes behind their podiums, Joe would be lunging across the stage, force feeding Mittens knuckle sandwiches with a side of bicuspids. I’m still holding out hope for Biden, because that would be the greatest experience of my life. Afterward, I’d buy Joe a beer and he’d swill it down in a single gulp, and then shoot up the bar with his revolver. He’s that cool.

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:05 pm

[re=67201]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hey, whaddyaknow… I do! No wonder they gave me such a discount when I used my MBNA credit card to buy it.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 22, 2008 at 10:07 pm

How is he a “war hero” if he never actually went to war?

lawnchair August 22, 2008 at 10:10 pm

One syllable, and people can spell and say it right 19 times out of 20. This, is, amazingly enough, where Reed and Clark beat out Sebelius, Bayh, Schweitzer, and the rest.

naveed August 22, 2008 at 10:16 pm

This John Francis Reed looks suspicously like a cross between John Quincy Adams and Harry S Truman. That’s real presidential readiness right there!

Street Organizer August 22, 2008 at 10:25 pm

i’m BEGINNNING TO *THINK* WONKETTE.COM is a GOSSIP site. there is NO REAL NEWS here. i am super disappointed in this bullshit ass reality.

SayItWithWookies August 22, 2008 at 10:33 pm

[re=67208]Larry McAwful[/re]: I’m partial to the Vincent Price one, but there’s always the classic Jesus.

Street Organizer August 22, 2008 at 10:37 pm

[re=67225]Street Organizer[/re]: scratch that. I NOW KNOW THAT _wonkette_ is fueled by DC GOSSIPING & kraazy SPECULATION (like tmz)…actually i have *known* of that tradition for QUITE sometimes. still the knowledge burns my throat. Thank u wonky, and i mean that. i will now resume sending out my regular scheduled texties on behalf of the obambi campaign. smh

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 10:43 pm

OK, get your Obama-Reed gear here!

http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/1145/obamareedtm6.jpg

CafePress shop soon up…

chaseychasem August 22, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=67236]Street Organizer[/re]: GENTLEMEN!

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 10:47 pm

AHA! I tries to make an ObamaReed08 shop on Cafe Press, BUT:

! Important information:

* This StoreID is already in use. Please choose another Store ID.

Please contact Customer Service if you have any questions.

Richard Gozinya August 22, 2008 at 10:47 pm

Oh, he married one of his staffers, who’s 16 years his junior. She’s not bad looking, judging by the one photo I’ve seen of her, but then, most women look hot in bridal gown.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:50 pm

Dr. Suess had this to say:
“The more that you Reed, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 10:53 pm

OK, here it is, Wonketeers!

http://www.cafepress.com/ObamaReed4Prez

Texan Bulldoggette August 22, 2008 at 10:56 pm

[re=67241]Richard Gozinya[/re]: Well, did he leave a cancer-riddled or crippled former wife behind? Because, if not, mehhhhh….not that interesting. Besides isn’t the Cindy/John age gap bigger? (And Cindy’s a gazillion times richer.)

Josh Fruhlinger August 22, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I love the phrase “have been crawling around Rhode Island since yesterday.” The state is literally so tiny that the Secret Service can cover every square inch of its territory. They’ll probably just seal off its borders completely to ensure total safety for our future VP’s family.

pattycake August 22, 2008 at 11:01 pm

Does this mean Diane Keaton would be Second Lady?

Richard Gozinya August 22, 2008 at 11:04 pm

[re=67248]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, but on the other hand, they’ve more than likely fucked in his Senate office, during work hours.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 22, 2008 at 11:05 pm

But, wait….the Kathleen Sibelius photo set on Hopey’s flickr page was just added today, 22 August…maybe she’s the “dark filly” about to scoot past all the menz…even Hillz!?

http://flickr.com/photos/barackobamadotcom/sets/72157606890756509/

shortsshortsshorts August 22, 2008 at 11:08 pm

For some fucking reason, I believe this. HOLY SHIT. This is really weird… or maybe I’m hungry.

Reed is a teddy bear of the highest order. I really don’t know what to say. He’s been a quiet type; intelligent, but quiet. This is so strange. I need comfort, of a southern variety.

Ken Layne August 22, 2008 at 11:08 pm

[re=67225]Street Organizer[/re]: No, gosh, really?

Ken Layne August 22, 2008 at 11:09 pm

[re=67246]TJBeck[/re]: Beautiful. A classic thong, indeed.

Texan Bulldoggette August 22, 2008 at 11:10 pm

[re=67253]Richard Gozinya[/re]: Hey, 8 hours is a long time. You’ve gotta fill the hours with something, right? You seem a bit judgmental about it. Can you say Newt, Bill, Robert Livingston, Spitzer? Anyhoo, Halperin says that Secret Service has been dispatched to Biden’s, so this whole blog entry is probably moot.

jagorev August 22, 2008 at 11:16 pm

[re=67246]TJBeck[/re]: $200 for a thong? Cindy McCain will take 4!

thwanger August 22, 2008 at 11:17 pm

[re=67241]Richard Gozinya[/re]: Not too shabby. For a gal from Ioway.

Oh yeah ya betcha!

“most women look hot in bridal gown”

clock ticking, richard?…

HomoPolitico August 22, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Someone check Reed’s house on googlearth…if its occluded, we’ll know

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 11:22 pm

[re=67270]jagorev[/re]: They wouldn’t let me . . I mean . . the Obama-Reed Campaign . . . sell something for $2,008.00, so that’s the closest it gets.

Ken Layne August 22, 2008 at 11:34 pm

[re=67278]TJBeck[/re]: This is exactly like that $999 “I am rich” iphone app … but it goes on a girl crotch.

Sharif DelMonte August 22, 2008 at 11:40 pm

I’m shocked that no one has proposed that Jack Reed may be on videotape committing hilarious crimes with Buddy Cianci. On the plus side, this could be big news for disgusting coffee milkshake producers Autocrat!

TJBeck August 22, 2008 at 11:40 pm

[re=67295]Ken Layne[/re]: Oh right, that’s for girls…

Crankenstank August 22, 2008 at 11:41 pm

PUMAs want to know: why wasn’t Donna Reed asked?

Richard Gozinya August 23, 2008 at 12:23 am

[re=67261]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Judgemental? No, jealous.

Richard Gozinya August 23, 2008 at 12:24 am

[re=67272]thwanger[/re]: Oh hell no. I just happen to enjoy the thought of having sex with a bride on her wedding day, so long as I’m not the one marrying her.

Slt10T August 23, 2008 at 12:42 am

As a Rhode Islander, I know what your thinking:
“What, I thought Rhode Island was that island off New York City.”

Or perhaps, “Rhode Island, I thought that place was a myth.”

Or maybe, “Rhode Island, isn’t that the state where, from any point in the state, you can make it into the border of another state even when totally drunk and crawling the entire way, because it is so comically small.”

Well I’ll have you know that none of those three things are true. It could take upwards of THIRTY MINUTES TO MAKE IT TO THE BORDER, and by that point it is quite likely that you have passed out. Also, be sure to bring juice and a snack, because there is at least one square mile somewhere in this state that is undeveloped, and if you didn’t bring nourishment, WHERE WILL YOU BE THEN? In fact, you may have to walk four minutes down the road, and who wants to do that.

Seriously though, Reed is amazing. I’ve seen him speak and introduced him at events as a student, and he is brilliant. He does have a military career, and is quite good at foreign policy. Yeah, he voted against the war. He’s a Catholic, but follows the party, and I don’t think he has ever had a gaffe. Like, ever. Not once. Unlike virtually every other politician in this state, he hasn’t been indicted, and I don’t think he has had anybody whacked. I’m looking at you Buddy Cianci.

Aurelio August 23, 2008 at 12:57 am

This game of political predictions, which, alas, Wonkette has fallen prey to, along with the mainstream media, is absolutely pointless. We will all know with certainty on Saturday who the VeePee nominee is. So what is the point of speculating about it? It would only have a point if we were gambling on the outcome and wanted to handicap the race.

Jingo August 23, 2008 at 12:59 am

Jack Reed is a coward. He conveniently joined the 82nd Airbone AFTER they left Viet Nam and got a free tour of Korea, Turkey and Greece. As you might guess, Greece and Turkey are in Europe (where they love Obama almost as much as they love wine and communism). And Korea is like the Europe of Asia. Half of Korea HAS communism.

John McCain is a true war hero. He knew he was a crappy pilot but still flew into a battlezone. He took the initiative and ran his plane into a surface to air missile so it wouldn’t hit any other pilots. He spent 5 agonizing years with annoying, born-again Viet Cong who kept preaching to him about Jesus. The only comfort he had was his hot wife waiting for him at home, thinking about how she better not get fat, ugly or crippled or he’ll dump her for the first rodeo queen he sees.

Why didn’t Jack Reed steal a plane and fly to Viet Nam?! Sure he couldn’t fly, but neither could McCain. Mr. Reed should go back to being a professor at West Point where he can teach about the heroism of men like John McCain. Let him deal with all the D students who say they’ll be president someday because their daddies are rich and connected – just like Bush and McCain.

Jingo August 23, 2008 at 1:20 am

After reading Slt10T’s post I realize that Jack Reed is just a distraction. Just like McCain keeps floating pro-choice veep candidates, so when he picks the Mormon the evangelicals are relieved he picked the lesser of two evils… Mitt Romney’s kinda like Satan-Lite. Jack Reed is senator of the one state that makes Joe Biden’s state of Delaware look huuuuuge, thus making Biden seem like a real senator after all.

I was going to rail about Biden’s lack of military experience until I read his Wikipedia entry. It appears that while he was in high school, he was very supportive of the Navy, earning himself the nickname “fleet flutin joe.” So keep blowing that flute Senator Biden… the Navy stands at attention and welcomes your servicing.

shortsshortsshorts August 23, 2008 at 1:30 am

[re=67386]Jingo[/re]: Yoo no? Yuu r rukie rakun cum’n intoo hees cuntstooenc.

sanantonerose August 23, 2008 at 1:52 am

Strong nose, cleft chin, kind eyes, smart, compact body, AND over 50?

I’d hit it.

TJBeck August 23, 2008 at 4:31 am

[re=67368]Aurelio[/re]: Well, considering this site calls itself a “Gossip” site, I’d say that wild, idiotic, blind speculation is perfectly fine here. The fact that it parodies the ‘mainstream’ and ‘respected’ News media so well just shows how fucking worthless those institutions are.

Neilist August 23, 2008 at 11:42 pm

News Alert!

The Germans are bombing Pearl Harbor!!!!

AGAIN!!!!!

tocute2btrue August 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm

I may not be a National Hero like McCain, but my first cousin was in the Great Space Race, yea old Ham made the Hood proud, althou he had little to say about being strapped in the Mecury Capseul sitting high atop thet 5 Story Saturn Rocket.

WhatTheHeck, I should know that handsome guy.

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